The Prime Aims



I have three Prime Aims.

All of our kind has three Prime Aims.

Our dark and menacing behaviours (even when dressed up as the illusory golden period) are focused on the attainment of these three Prime Aims. They are all that matter. Everything else is dust. We are driven to secure these Prime Aims. They are hard-wired into us, they are sub-conscious requirements in most of our kind and amongst the Greater of our brethren we are aware of the necessity of attaining these three things to ensure that not only do we survive but we also thrive. Everything we do, say and concern ourselves with revolves around achieving these three aims. Nothing else matters.

Do we love you? No. We do not know what that truly is but we will use love or secure our Prime Aims. We will desecrate it through our twisted facsimile of what we understand love to be and use it secure our aims.

Do we want to do good for the disadvantaged around us? No. Yet, if such behaviour will ultimately benefit us through the establishment of a facade which can then be used to further our quest for these Prime Aims then we will become a trustee of that charity or organise a fund raiser for the Orphanage For Unwanted Monobrowed Children.

Do we want to be friends with you because we find your collection of unopened Star Wars figures fascinating. No. We do so because knowing someone with the best collection on the East Coast means that it works in favour of us in terms of attaining the Prime Aims.

Nothing we do is about you. It is all about securing our aims. Admittedly, there will be occasions where we are in alignment and our march with our dark troops by our side to the attainment of the Prime Aims means that you and others benefit. That is pure serendipity and we do not care whether the outcome is good or bad for you, so long as we achieve what we need.

The sooner you grasp and understand that we are focused on securing these Prime Aims and nothing else matters to us, the faster you will be able to formulate your own way to avoid being caught up in their attainment. The Prime Aims and their attainment is the only goal we are interested in and everything else is swept up in the need to achieve them. Children. Job. Home. Wife. Father. Daughter. Friend. Interests. Socialising. Conversations. Money. Status. Manipulation. Connections. Infidelity. Misery. Cruelty. Seduction. Possessions. These and so much more are mere conduits, enablers, bridges to the securing of the Prime Aims.

Never underestimate or fail to recognise the single-mindedness by which our machine like efficiency closes on this goal. You are there to ensure we achieve it. Our faceless Lieutenants and lurking Coterie are there to ensure we achieve it. The secondary and tertiary sources, the facade, the crows, the butterflies, the seduction, the devaluation and the disengagement. The hoovers, oft and repeated or seemingly absent, yet appearing years later are all part of the inextricably linked matrix to achieve the Prime Aims.

So, what are they?

Those of you who have read much of my work will already know what they are, but it is necessary to identify and underline them.

  1. Fuel/Control

The chief Prime Aim. The most important one and the overriding objective of our engagements with everybody that we come into contact with. Fuel is the emotional response provided by you ad everybody else, caused by us which signals that we have control over you.It may be indirect, for instance someone smiling at us as we walk by, it may be direct because we have provoked you into crying by calling you names.

Fuel is both positive and negative. It flows from all appliances. It varies in potency dependent on the Fuel Index (see the book Fuel for an expansive explanation of this central factor of what drives our kind) and in terms of its quantity and frequency. Fuel powers us. It quells the anguish and the anxiety, it settles us, it edifies us, it makes us powerful and it causes us to feel impregnable, omnipotent and god-like.

It is our drug. We want it and we need it and it must be provided each and every day and we take it from those that we have established in our fuel network. From lover to lollipop lady, everybody and I mean everybody we interactive with is a fuel appliance. The words you use, the tone attached to them, the inflection in your voice, the gestures you make, the things you do, the expression on your face, the sounds you make – all of these provide us with fuel and it has to be caused by us.

If you are crying over the death of your mother, that is not fuel for us. It is fuel for your mother (albeit she didn’t need it when alive and certainly has no use for it now she is cold in the ground). Those tears are wasted and this infuriates us. Thus we will say something hurtful about your pathetic weeping so that you then cry because of what we have said. Your emotional response then is down to us and we gain fuel.

Fuel/Control is the single most important thing to us. We must have control over you and any threat to our control is always met by The 3 Assertions of Control. No fuel and we weaken and ultimately enter a Fuel Crisis.

2. Character Traits

We have built a construct. This construct is like a frame and through the gathering of fuel we are able to then power its maintenance and further development. This construct imprisons The Creature. This construct allows us to show the world what we want to see and thus gain more fuel and the cycle repeats.

Everyone we interact with has the potential to furnish us with character traits which we lift and apply to the construct to make it better, stronger, more attractive and more secure. Each piece of fuel is the paste which enables us to place the shards, segments, patches, pieces and elements of character traits onto the construct and keep them there.

If you wish to understand this in greater detail, read my book Fury.

Your interest in insects, a friend’s sporting achievements, a child’s academic prowess, information from a tertiary source about the best restaurant in Barcelona’s gothic quarter, the humorous anecdotes told by a speaker at an awards dinner, the tales told by a grandparent, the intelligence gathered by a colleague and so on, all of those things become character traits which we will take for ourselves and pass of as our own. We want them and need them from those we interact with. Some have nothing to provide and thus they are less important appliances, but others have many and thus your coruscating, dazzling traits when you are a primary source to us become fundamental as part of the Prime Aims.

3. Residual Benefits

Are you well-off? Have a good house? A car? Access to a particular club? Tickets for sought after games? A famous friend? Excellent carer? Brilliant cook? Social magnet? DIY capable? Good income? Respected community member?

We are entitled and we do not recognise boundaries. Your resources are our resources and the more of those that exist and in different forms, the greater the advantage you possess because of these residual benefits.

These vary dependent on the nature of the narcissist who has ensnared you. We may be financially superior and have a large house, but you are well-thought of by people and have an extensive social circle, political connections and the like, thus we want them.

We may have a physical health problem and therefore the fact that you are a nurse practitioner and exceptionally caring results in those residual benefits becoming the foremost ones.

We may have no job and a rampant cocaine habit, so your well-appointed residence and burgeoning bank account are appealing residual benefits to us.

The list of residual benefits is not exhaustive and they will vary from narcissist to narcissist, but they form a further essential part of this triumvirate.

Thus fuel and control, character traits and residual benefits are the Prime Aims. All appliances are expected to fulfil their obligation to provide us with each element of the Prime Aims, although it is naturally of greater importance concerning the primary source having such applicability.

We are not with you because we love you. We are with you because you as the primary source largely fulfil The Prime Aims and you do so better than anybody else in the Fuel Matrix 

We are not friends with you because you are good fun. We are friends with you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We are not flirting with you because you are hot. We are flirting with you because as an Intimate Tertiary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not help you as our sister because we have a sense of duty towards you as a family member. We help you because as a Non Intimate Secondary Source you contribute to The Prime Aims.

We do not have an affair with you because our “wife does not understand us”. We have an affair with you because as a Dirty Little Secret you contribute to The Prime Aims.

You are there to be used. You are in the Fuel Matrix because you contribute, to a greater or lesser extent to The Prime Aims. That is your ONLY function.


Always keep in your mind the relevance of these Prime Aims because this will aid you understanding why certain things are said and done by our kind.


Learn more about Fuel

63 thoughts on “The Prime Aims

  1. Cathie says:

    HI HG, I am a long time follower and client and I have a question regarding character traits. I have been teaching myself to play the piano, I have always wanted to and after the kids have all grown and left I now have the time. I am what you would refer to as a “stepford”. I walked into the house unexpected and he (my narc) was sitting at the piano secretly trying to play. He jumped up as if I was the boggy man. I encouraged him to continue and he insisted that he wasn’t trying to learn, he just “happened to be sitting there”. Totally a lie. Do you think this is some form of character trait he has seen and is trying to absorb secretly. This was after I played a small piece and one of his friends said it sounded like a lullaby the night prior.???

    1. HG Tudor says:


  2. Sweetest Perfection says:

    Thanks to this information I was able to “fail” (pass in empath terms) the coffee date with my suspected narcissist the other day. After the obligatory greetings/good to see you/it’s been way too long, the conversation quickly turned into a job interview dressed up with occasional pity plays: Detailed explanation of his divorce process and of his money loss due to the horrendous wife that never held a full-time job; questions about my current job situation and my marriage; questions about my plans to stay in town or move to another location; questions about my plans to go back to Europe; revelation of his recent promotion (this is an academic narcissistic tendency, I must confess I would have bragged too) followed by questions about MY future academic plans (I guess he thinks it looks better to have two top-tier professors in the house). It was interesting to observe. The date ended with a triangulation attempt to make me jealous. As a good friend told me, he didn’t waste any time! I think I failed miserably, that is to say, I passed.

    1. Eternity says:

      SP, sounds to me like a MMR Type B

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Do you think so, Eternity? I need to go back to the MRNs, I never thought I would be targeted by one.

        1. Eternity says:

          There are a lot of pity plays there , looking for sympathy. Definitely the triangulation I don’t known it just sounds like it. Stay away!

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Eternity, pity plays galore with this guy. I usually sense when someone is genuinely sad. What I sensed in this guy was desperation, his list of miseries was totally out of context: “I am mourning my marriage, I don’t wanna use Tinder or meet anyone yet like people are encouraging me to do” (right, but you’re hoovering instead). “I have a past trauma from being raised in a violent family. I am NOT a violent person but…” (pity play and huge red flag. A good friend reminded me of HG’s video about the MRN’s warnings. Scary!). The last one was the best: “I was brutally bullied in school.” I looked up to him (he’s around 6’6) and just stared at him thinking: really????? Is this your best shot? What was he expecting me to say, “awwww, poor thing, come here!”?? I was bullied as a kid and believe me, I never used that as a pickup line. The only other person that I saw using that to get attention happened to be another narcissist. I simply answered: “I don’t think you are sad. I think you are scared of losing control.” He said I was right. The rest of the conversation, when he was not smearing his ex, triangulating, or playing the victim was actually fantastic since he’s a very smart guy. How sad!

          2. Eternity says:

            Yup., definitely sounds like a MMR B. The guy sounded ridiculous and can’t even see it .SP I can here the violins playing in the background ha ha.
            He uses pity plays and it is very sad.
            Now I need to listen to Pat Benator ” Hit me with you best shot ”

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            He can’t he can’t. And he probably thinks I’m a woman without a soul for not showing any compassion for him after everything he has gone through.

          4. Eternity says:

            SP, you have compassion but not for him. You do have a soul. Who on earth cares about what he thinks anyways. What he has gone through? What about all those innocent victims? It is good you can see what he is . It goes to show you HG’ s work really works .

          5. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I do have compassion for him, he told me that at a certain time in the month he gets panic attacks for a certain deadline and I thought of contacting him to check how he’s doing when that moment comes. But then I ask myself: would he do the same for me? Nope! Curiously, what comes naturally first is caring; not caring is what I need to work on.

          6. Eternity says:

            6 foot 6 cry baby cry can you imagine! Wow he is tall. I am 5 foot 8 but that is a giant.

          7. SParham says:

            Tinder!? Isn’t that specifically for hook ups? I once went on Ashely Madison to hunt for my friends cheating husband. For my fake profile page I used something to the effect that I was there to beat the shit out of men. I had so many responses it was unbelievable. I thought about charging them a few hundred dollars and starting a side business haha.

            Adults speaking of bullying and past traumas seems odd in a first conversation with a potential romantic partner. I never noticed all the pity plays out there until I arrived here.

          8. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Yes, he brought Tinder up just to follow it with a “I don’t want to just have sex! I want to fall in love in a natural manner, I want it to happen by surprise,” all while also confessing he had been reading all the recent news about me on google “to check if you were still here,” which helped him elaborate a list of affinities in a failed attempt to mirror my interests. Been there, fell for that, not again!

          9. Eternity says:

            Ha ha ,you sound like a PI . Hey great business to get into .
            Pity plays are actually funny now I can see right though them .

          10. Asp Emp says:

            SParham, it goes to show what transpires when people use online dating sites. The description of your fake profile gave me a giggle though.

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        What a boring individual!!! I pass.

        1. Eternity says:

          Not only pass but kick in to the curb. Who needs this nonsense. Plus I have seen bigger hearts in artichokes if you know what I mean

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:


          2. BC30 says:

            😂 putting that one away for future reference, okie dokie artichokie

          3. Eternity says:

            Ha ha BC30 I use it as reference all of the time now.

    2. SParham says:

      Did he at least pay? Ain’t it funny that there was a time none of these would have been a trigger? The talk of his terrible ex (grrrr) and the attempt at jealousy is nasty. I swear, I’d pay for a background check and a narc detector test before I’d be willing to meet anybody now. I’m completely ruined. 😁

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        He did pay, I actually felt like inviting him after all this sad talk about his money, but he felt offended I even tried. I want to do a narc detector on him but I’m afraid I don’t have enough information, unless I sacrifice myself and have sex with him in the name of science…

        1. SParham says:

          I’m sure that there wouldn’t be truthful answers if the test was handed to him to answer. Before HG I always heard to talk to the ex. If she’s a good person I imagine it adds a layer of leeriness? Going from partner to partner is immature af. I was told if I dropped off the planet a replacement would be sought after and that he would not be alone. So sweet 🤮

          1. SParham says:

            Have his ex answer. She may feel much better and you’d know. 😎

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I am not close enough plus she may think I’m interested in taking her role! But yes I would love to hear her version.

          3. SParham says:

            Gotcha. She may be praying that someone takes her place. Yay to it not being you!

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I think she’s still in love with him though. Would you keep your ex husband as your Facebook friend while you’re going through what seems to me a non-amicable divorce? Maybe he hasn’t divorced yet and is trying to secure an IPPS first? If I wasn’t sure that Somatic Narc is gonna try to hoover me through Facebook, I could find out by re-activating my account, I am “friends” with his ex wife. But somatic has been trying to hoover me by proxy lately and the risk is high. Facebook is a minefield!

          5. SParham says:

            I gave in and filled out the narc detector test. HG’ tests are hard! It’s cathartic afterwards but answering such personal questions is rough.

            Facebook can be a nightmare. It caused issues in my marriage when narcsband created a page secretly and never included me. I grew to like having a page without us being friends but folks who know both of us were asking wtf? I spied on his activity for a couple of months when he was gone on outings. I drove myself crazy keeping what I discovered to myself. A few years later it finally came out and he denied and lied. My love for him died a long time ago, I was just confused why in the world he’d keep me around. He did get permanently banned from Facebook for participating in Trump antics. I didn’t ask for details nor did he give any. Must of been bad though.

            A friend of mine kept the Facebook friends alive while going through a bad, severely alcohol addicted separation. The wife did not take down her married status and would post photos of him and their family. Seeing his reaction was amazing, it’s like he loved to hate it. He’d post his just fine statuses and send her into a tailspin. He met a lady on Facebook and was living with her within a month. Even before HG I asked why so fast? His response was “when you know, you know.” She had the home and good job, she was totally willing to sacrifice anything. Now it’s way too many photos of his new victim, I mean girlfriend, that come thru the feed. I wouldn’t be unhappy if Facebook and the likes vanished.

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            On June 25 I celebrated -to myself- 3 years of NC from somatic moron and shortly after I made the decision I deactivated my Facebook account. Never been happier! I understand everything you explained and how you felt, SParham. Somatic narc uses social media as a way to manipulate victims, triangulating, pretending, faking professional awards he has not really achieved and that I knew were not true… it’s pathetic when you look back at it. But when you don’t know what’s going on, it gets you in a spiral of craziness. Fuck social media and all the fakery in it. Every time my husband posts a picture of me on his Facebook I receive a hoover by proxy shortly after, it’s so ridiculous.

          7. SParham says:

            You go Sweetest Perfection! 3 years is something to be very proud of! I’d hold a huge bash for that anniversary! Other than Tindernarc do you find that a majority of narcs are still drawn to you? I imagine the thought of being IPPS again makes you wanna cuss? I got hoovered by a long gone narc ex liking my post recently. Now I know what to call it. After accepting his friend request in the past we were in a dm convo about NASCAR of all things. I keep it really clean and he starts asking me to go on a secret festival trip with him and he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of me. He requested sexy pictures. He hasn’t seen me in person for 25 years! WTF!? I was like oops and no, that would be terrible for your wife to discover if I did such a thing. I was nice until I couldn’t be and told him to fuck off. Occasionally he still likes and I look at his page of a life that I don’t envy. It gives me the shudders. I shared HG’s page on mine, I wish that I could pin it on FB. Maybe somehow it will come thru his wife’s feed.

            There’s no way that I could live in a narc empath dynamic again. I spoke many times of giving my asshole (his favorite nickname! I’ve created asshole art projects for him that he displays to the public!) a pass because he is the father of my children. I firmly believe that if anyone else tried this shit with me I’d shoot him and step over his dead body. That’s how nasty my thinking has become over the 30 years I’ve experienced IPPS and most of what HG describes. Prior to that I was a child of narcs.

            I recently learned that narcsband did create another FB account. Of course, he lied prior times when I asked him if he was able to start again. I don’t believe half of what he says. He finds it so easy to lie to myself and others. In life I am probably too warm and easy going. It prevents me from any career of managing people. I get queasy at self flattery but I hold many secrets of countless others. It’s an honor for me to be trusted. I love when folks feel safe with me. I’m proud of my patience levels. I really only seek the fun and joy in life. Total live and let live, until I see injustice. There is no reason to lie to me.

            Not only am I accepting that both in my home and careers that I’ve been dealing with key player narcs – I’m having to accept that I’m an empath. I’ve heard that descriptor of me many times but with little understanding of that concept available I gave it little credence. MBTI is close and what I relied upon before HG (INFP-J). My late in life college experience had a course on MBTI to determine what kind of learner a student is. It made more sense than anything else and I prefer Jung based psychology. Students would benefit to also learn what HG is sharing. I bet he could easily organize a course for students to learn what they really are. Awareness is so important, especially for the young just starting out. I’m a lost cause in the big picture but it’s completely worth it if it prevents newcomers from living a narc ruled life. 💐

            Big spleen vent!

          8. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Hahaha SParham, NASCAR???? Dante’s infernos are made of NASCAR races, in my imagination hahaha. I love the nickname “Tindernarc” that is very creative. He is far from a Tinder guy I think, though you never know with narcs because you have no clue until you are horrified suddenly when their masks slip off. I found out he lied to me on our coffee date though. I told him I needed to be home around 5 to walk my dogs and he told me he had to give a lecture on that day at 5:00 too, at a learning center in town, and that he was basically doing it for free because he cared. Not only did I discover it was something he did back in May and not on that day, but also, he did get paid for it. He clearly made that up to 1) impress me about his intellectual commitments 2) pretend he’s busy 3) show that he’s generous and humble and has a good heart. This revelation hurt me inside. I understand trying to look like you have a busy life because you are not gonna seduce anyone by letting her know that you are a lockdown divorcee with suddenly way too many hours in your days that you don’t know how to spend. But lying about the free volunteering lecture??? That is low class. I have no idea whether I am a narc magnet or not. I attract a lot of guys because in my profession, I’m one of the few women that are confident enough to go out for a drink after giving a conference or to show a rebellious side when everyone else is scared of speaking their minds, and because of that I have received a lot of unsolicited proposals. Most of them are probably narcs without any boundaries recognition. Others are just old professors bored with their lives, haha. But I’ve never been the IPPS of any narc. Only IPSS. I usually run before they abuse me. I fall for them easily at first but see their shit quickly too. I didn’t question why I had dated so many assholes until I found out HG’s work, and that was because I had an extramarital affair with somatic narc and he totally broke my sense of responsibility, faithfulness, and trust. Because I’m a love devotee I tend to think the grass is always greener when I meet someone that lovebombs me. But so far I’ve been lucky enough to see through them pretty soon. Of course my narcs have been pretty absurd and not malign thank goodness. My dad is a narcissist too, that kind of helps recognize it but also feeds the addiction. I am really bad at self-psychoanalysis so everything that I just said may or may not be correct. That’s my story, morning glory.

          9. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Oh I forgot to add: if you are discussing something random and not sex related and they suddenly switch to sending pics, run. I will never be able to comprehend how I started with Derrida and ended up with unsolicited dick pics.

          10. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I’d like to amend my previous comment: “I have no idea whether I am a narc magnet or not.” Now I do. Thank you, HG, even if it made me cry a little

        2. BC30 says:

          “in the name of science” 🤣🤣🤣 Dios mio cuanto te amo 💖🍑 😂

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            ¡Y yo a ti! 🤣💕

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        SParham, I was suffering hearing all that about his wife. I know the woman and she is kindhearted and super nice.

      3. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Correction: I know you do not need to know the suspects’ sexual behavior to successfully run a narc detector on them, but I believe you at least need to have more information about all other aspects of the individual’s life. I’m afraid my superficial interactions with this person so far will not offer a very complete picture and may result in an erroneous categorization, not as a consequence of HG’s analysis, but of my providing him with very restricted data.

    3. BC30 says:

      Most excellent, SweetP!!

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Thank you BC30! Like everything in my life, it’s a result of a lot of studying: articles, books, videos, consultations, interviews, detectors, surveys…. Tudor University’s degree!

  3. lickemtomorrow says:

    I love lightning <3

    1. Asp Emp says:

      LET, me too. From a safe place though. That storm last summer was long and directly over my house – the lightning was very bright and close. Even then I backed away from the windows, watching. I’d turned off all the electrical appliances, just in case there was a power-cut / surge in electrical….. oh it was just to be safe, precautional. Laughing about it now and recalling my delight of the experience of the lightning at the time it happened.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        I always open the curtains to watch the storm 🙂

        It’s one of my favourite things to do x

        1. Asp Emp says:

          LET, I’d stand outside and be ‘at one’ with the storm, if it was safe to do so!

    2. A Victor says:

      LET, I do also. Thunder, rain, wind (if I’m inside looking at it), hail, snow, weather is amazing, I love it. It calms me and makes me feel one with nature and really grounded. Photos of weather do the same. Really great.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        We have much in common, AV 🙂 Same.

        I have always wanted to go storm chasing, and put it on my bucket list <3

        1. A Victor says:

          I actually signed up to be a stormwatcher! They didn’t get back to me for a couple of years though and by then my life had changed so I could no longer do it. But yes, that’s a great thing for a bucket list!

          1. BC30 says:

            DO IT!

            BTW I love thundersnow, it’s the only thing I like about winter.

          2. A Victor says:

            I will do it! Tornadoes would be such a thrill!!

            The only thing I like about winter is looking at the snow, coming down as thundersnow or silently, sparkling in the sun on the ground, the heavy kind that weighs the tree branches down, in any kind of visual where I am warm but I can see it. And sweaters, I do like sweaters.

          3. BC30 says:

            It’s so pretty to look at, but I hate cold. I were hoodies in the office due to the cold air conditioning. This is why I’m always wearing my Chicken hoodie. If I could wear a bikini and be barefoot or in flip flops all the time, I would. Someday I want to live somewhere where that’s acceptable.

  4. Eternity says:

    What is a lollipop lady I need to Google this one.

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Eternity, I have not seen a Lollypop Lady, or Man in absolutely years – we may never see them again. Those were the days. Thank you for posting your comment to prompt a ‘compartment’ in my memory ‘box’ – one of the ‘good’ ones that I do not mind going back into. They wore white coats! LOL.

      1. Eternity says:

        Ha ha no problem. Those were the days

    2. JB says:

      Eternity, a person who helps children cross the road. Dressed in high visibility colours, holding a large stick shaped like a lolly! They go out into the road and the cars have to stop so the people can cross. Usually situated outside primary schools! Doesn’t have to be a woman, but traditionally is, hence the terminology.

      1. Eternity says:

        JB, here we call them crossing guards, I do see them often especially in school zones. They carry a stop sign and they use a whistle.

        1. JB says:


          Don’t think ours have a whistle. But yeah, basically the same thing. The primary school I used to go to still has one, so they still exist!

  5. vandenboss says:

    I noticed that the acquisition of character traits,copying behavior, can come forth out of magical thinking. ‘He has a lot of luck,lets copy as much possible and i’m gonna be that lucky’. All the way to which radio channel i’m listening to. I’ll never forget he horror on their face when i’d changed the channel. My explanation that my ”luck” comes forth out of hard work and thinking before doing was perceived as a lie. Next they gonna say i’m coping them. I’ve seen this in kindergarten,one girl liked(envied) the new little dress the other girl had, ‘where did you buy it’ she asked. The next day she had the same dress and told everyone she had the dress first. My dear little friend,you’re not copying me,you’re copying a little girl!

    1. Asp Emp says:

      V, I liked your wording on ” I’ll never forget he horror on their face when i’d changed the channel” – gave me a giggle.

      1. vandenboss says:

        Asp, The whole thing was scary for me too lol. We live in the same building,identical apartments. He’d furnished it identical to mine,all the way to the same brand of olive oil and spices in the kitchen to the same bed sheets everything! I dont know how he did it, he must have a photographic memory. When i saw what he’d done,he stood there eyes wide open smirk on his face anticipating my reaction. So i asked him if he was in love with me. I told him i could perfectly understand it.I told him ‘if i where gay i would be in love with myself and wouldn’t need anyone’. It was clearly not the reaction he had hoped for.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          V, hold on a mo, the same brand olive oil / spices?! That is really odd, I mean seriously – furnishing in identical way too. I am like, WTF. Yet, it is as if he is ‘mirroring’ to the extreme. I mean extreme! Wow. I understand ‘copying’ clothes, food etc – I can understand why you’d be scared. Acquisition of character traits – (in my view) taken far beyond how HG described it as such.

          Laughing RE: “I told him ‘if i where gay i would be in love with myself and wouldn’t need anyone’. It was clearly not the reaction he had hoped for” = how to ‘404’ the narcissist?

          1. vandenboss says:

            lol 😉 Hope you have a great weekend ASP!

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you, you to Vandenboss 🙂

  6. SParham says:

    It makes me sad that narcs can’t be part of an empath’ world. It’s challenging to think of seeing others as an object. I’ve made attempts to try to see folks that way, I always fail at it. The character traits are strange to see in others. My friends and husband both use my traits to their advantage. A few friends copied every part of my life all the way down to my career. WTF?? The residual benefits piss me off. I’ve got my area powerful friends. We met in person and hit it off. I’ve been approached so many times for their attention. I’m just waiting for a request of my sheriff department son to come around.
    I love not caring if I am respected. There’s no winning with the narcissist so why should I try so hard? I admit that my trust is ruined for life. If HG approves I might consider a connection. Might being the key word 😁

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

The Fear