Nobody Is Listening
Go on then, tell them all what has happened to you? Go on, here, take my phone and ring my parents, my family and my friends. Ring my colleagues too. Telephone the golf club in fact why don’t you take out an advertisement in a local, no, make it a nationa lnewspaper and tell everybody about how badly you have been treated? Climb on the roof and shout it to the neighbourhood, tell everyone who calls at our door and bellow it to strangers as they walk past. Do it, go on, tell them about. Announce it, broadcast it, transmit it, send it out by mail, e-mail ,message and radio signal. Have it blaring from the radio, repeatedly playing on television, hell I will even let you strap a message to a flock of pigeons and you can let them deliver the news that way. Scrawl how badly you have been treated by me on a piece of paper and wrap it around a brick and hurl it through the window at the police station. Scream it long and loud until you are hoarse. Go on, tell them, tell them all. Nobody is listening.
Tell my parents about their successful son who has studied hard, achieved brilliant results and now excels at work about what I do? Why don’t you gather all my friends around here and announce to them what a bastard I am? I am sure they will be intrigued to listen to you saying that about their loyal and dependable friend who always makes time for them and has helped them out in repeated ways through his largesse and influence. Pop next door and bang on their front door, explain to them with your wild eyes and even wilder hair what has really been happening? After all, I only every show them friendship and politeness don’t I? I don’t think they have heard me shouting at you (I wait until they are away before I raise my voice) but I know they have heard you ranting and bawling. Go to the local shopping parade and mention to the pleasant lady at the bakery what I really get up to behind closed doors. I am sure she will love to hear you tell her all about the charming man who is her best customer and has arranged for her to supply the restaurant of two of my friends. Call my brother and give him chapter and verse. Oh you can’t because he won’t answer the ‘phone to you anymore will he? I know, head down to the gym and see if you can interest any of the regulars with a hysterical rant about the chap who they all say hello to and who works out quietly and regularly. Type out a memo for my colleagues and circulate it to them. I am sure they will be interested to read all about their boss who holds the keys to their future. Declare it to the group I attend football with, they will want to know all about what I do won’t they? What’s that? These are all my people. At last you have recognised the truth of the matter in between your vile outbursts and hateful comments. I know then, ring up your sister and see what she has to say, mind you, I daresay you won’t want to give her the satisfaction after the way she came on to me would you? Tell your friends all about it. Oh wait, they are now my friends and all they have ever seen is how happy I have made you, the gifts, the trips, the presents and the love. What about the vicar? He will listen to you I am sure. It is what he does after all although what he will make of such slander against a regular attendee at his sermons and generous charity donor remains to be seen. Nobody is listening.
Do it, grab a loudspeaker, create a banner, haul a message behind an aeroplane and write it in the sand on the beach. Do it in this frenzied manner with words spilling from your twisted mouth, a word salad which makes no sense. I am sure the staccato way you spit out your accusations will be well-received. Make sure they look deep into your crazy eyes when you are talking to them, I want them to see who they are really dealing with. Tell your father will you? Ha, he has put up with this for years and was glad to see you leave home, he told me himself. He knows what a drama queen you are and as for your mother well she hates confrontation and she adores me since she knows just how much I have done for you. Nobody is listening.
Go on, beat your tiny fists about that façade, see if you can punch some holes in it although I know you will not be able to. Shout and stamp and holler all you like. I will enjoy watching you do that and there will be no favourable outcome for you. You are the crazy one and you are trying to unseat the stable, rational, dependable and ultimately far more likeable me. But you keep trying, it amuses and fuels me as your bloodied hands slap against the façade with no effect and your voice becomes no more than a rasp. I will watch as the hope fades in your eyes to be replaced by fear and incomprehension. Keep trying though, keep going and reinforce what I have already indoctrinated them to believe. They believe me. They won’t believe you.
Nobody is listening.
Nobody.
8 thoughts on “Nobody Is Listening”
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I’ve always understood that, so I only let go of myself in the presence of the narcissist himself. Same as him.
I let time act and people judged for themselves. It turned out to be good for me. Interestingly, “his supporters” struggle with remorse for years and sometimes come back to me “for cleansing”. I give them, they also were / are in a snare.
Nobody notices when you are being provoked. But everyone notices when you retaliate. Because you’re not manipulative like the narcissists.
How do they react if you do shout it from the rooftops?
You will threaten the narcissists control, therefore you will be met with one (or more) of the three assertions of control.
You will also be visited by The Devil´s Pitchfork (see Halting the Hurt).
In short, do not do it.
I have a friend going through some marriage problems. It’s bringing up a lot of the trauma from my past with narc … like I’m reliving it in my mind… and even worse, I find myself telling her stories of that relationship as a way to relate to what’s she’s going
Through….. this is really not healthy for me and I feel as though It’s bringing up a lot of old feelings for me.
I trust her and feel comfortable with her so I tell her too much. But it’s amazing how many years can pass but the trauma of the time with the narc come
Up.
Has anyone experienced PTSD due to the relationship with the narc ? And how did you handle it ?
Hello Empath007, I read your comment – I can understand how you must be feeling / thinking. Your friend obviously needed your support. Have you talked about your learning about narcissism that helped you understand your own circumstances that you went through?
You saying about the ‘trauma’ – it is a bit like a ‘wound’ within yourself that may, may never heal fully. Maybe this is partly what the addiction to narcissism does, it is really all in the ‘mind’ and how you go about managing your emotions when it comes to it.
Ok, you asked the question RE: PTSD. Are you referring to the PTSD or CPTSD? These two are similar yet different – the complex one being about ‘repeated’ experiences of abuse – I found it really interesting and useful in my case. It explained things from a different perspective yet it is similar to the addiction to narcissism (why you keep going back, drawn to narcissists etc) and explains why it seems that it is a continuous ‘carousel’. That carousel stops as soon as you understand it in your own perspective and your own experiences (your ‘story’). Hope you get clarity on your own question.
Hello AspEmp,
I have chosen not to bring up the specifics about narcissism with her… I don’t think she’s ready and I think calling her partner that would only push her away from me. In my own case – I did tell her the guy I dated was a narcissist/sociopath but I did not get into the specifics of why.
The issue is more – the situations have some similarities- and find myself re living what happened to me in my mind as she speaks…. because I trust her, I then easily open up about my situation And find it is sucking me back in to old drama.
I mention the ptsd because… I believe triggers are all around me for my addiction (I work at the same company we met still, I know his friends and now this thing with my friend). And due to that it has been 3 years and I still find myself healing from it. I’m a bit concerned this is quite abnormal.
With that said… I have come a long way. But am realizing I will need to get these triggers out of my life for good (I’m working on it… but thanks to covid jobs aren’t exactly easy to come by).
Thanks for your response. I will do more research on the ptsd.
E007, thank you for sharing more on your / friend’s situation. Hmm, a tricky one RE: having conversation with someone who is in the situation she is and not being able to give her some suggestions as not to scare her off in any way. It is good that she has you to talk with. You are still doing the right thing, to be there for her.
RE: your saying that it is 3 years and you are still healing from it – that, in my view, is normal, not abnormal. Everyone is different – we all have this (damned) addiction to narcissism.
It is in one way like ‘bereavement’ (a loss) and believe me, that in itself is a ‘wound’ that can take – even a lifetime of ‘healing’. Sometimes the reasons why it hurt for so long needs to be approached from a different perspective. In my case, now that I know what my “past” was all “about” – I can view it differently – accept some things and not accept others (but not dwell on it). I can also now understand why I ‘clung’ onto my ‘wound’ RE: my father’s passing, partly because of all the ‘unresolved’ traumas of ‘ensnarements’ and abuse by narcissists of my past were ‘clouding’ my whole feeling / thinking processes.
I can tell you now, that you will never get these ‘triggers’ out of your life for good – the addiction to narcissism is life-long, hence HG’s assistance package ‘The Addiction : How To Tackle Emotional Thinking’ – if you have this, maybe re-visit it?
Glad to be of help RE: PTSD suggestion. It may help to look at the ‘addiction’ in and from a different aspect. I now find myself recognising ‘triggers’ – in a good way – my learning from KTN – when I go to the shops / out of the house! LOL. Hope you find a ‘footing’ on your path to assist you 🙂