The Narcissist and Feelings

 

THE-NARCISSIST-AND-FEELINGS

Feelings are an unnecessary burden and thankfully I have been relieved of many of them, being left only with those which are deemed necessary to enable me to pursue the harvesting of fuel. Feelings blur and weaken. How many times have you heard your alarm go off in the morning and you have rolled over feeling like you do not want to get up? Many times I should imagine. That feeling of apprehension about what the day holds for you, despondency at what has happened to you and dread about what you have to do weakens you and holds you back.

You spend much of your life in the pursuit of this notion of happiness but are you ever truly happy? Do you look at what you have and wish you had more? Do you look at other people around you and imagine how happy they must be and you wish that you were more like them? All you achieve is bitterness. Perhaps you do feel happy but as the empath that you are you see those who you regard as less happy than you and you wish that they could be more like you.

All you achieve is vanity. You spend so much of your time seeking to be happy and then you worry about whether it is fleeting in nature. You express concern that you just want to be happy and spend more and more time trying to achieve this state of nirvana. You suffer from feeling sadness which leads to paralysis and indecision. You feel frustrated which sucks up your energy and leaves you feeling spent. You take pride in your ability to feel and to be able to feel on behalf of others yet all you are doing is allowing yourself to be burdened.

Why bother pursuing those feelings which are regarded as positive, such as joy, happiness and elation? Is the effort truly worth it when you get there only for it to be a fleeting moment which then casts you into despondency? What was the point of that? Why allow yourself to be mired in upset, misery and dejection? You achieve nothing as you slowly sink into a quagmire of such negativity. Your feelings deceive you, press down on you and above all else allow us to manipulate you. It is because you feel this array of emotions that you provide us with emotional reactions. Of course you know that these emotional reactions create my fuel. Your feelings are to blame.

I never acquired these feelings. This is because the pursuit of fuel cannot be distracted by these cumbersome emotions. They serve no purpose and thus were never developed. I am built for the acquisition of fuel and nothing else. I am an efficient design, single-minded and driven. All excess baggage was not jettisoned, it was never stowed on board to begin with. I am not wholly without feelings. I have been developed in a way to allow certain feelings, those that aid my purpose, to come to the fore.

I feel fury which ensures that I can exert control over other people and thus extract fuel from them. I feel envy which drives me on to strip away those traits from other people which I need to create my construct. If I felt no envy, I would not want these characteristics – thus this feeling serves a purpose. There is no superfluous feeling connected with me. I feel jealousy which again causes me to strive to better that person by lauding my own achievements and prompting a reaction which garners positive fuel or by berating the person of whom I am jealous and thus I harvest negative fuel.

I feel hatred. This allows me to see everything as it truly is. Hatred hones and brings into sharp focus the reality of this cruel world and thus I am better able to navigate my way through it. Hatred is visceral, it is not fluffy or amorphous. It does not cloud or blur. It is direct, straight to the point and electrifying in its capacity to allow me to always go forward.

All of these feelings and ones of a similar nature have been fashioned around me to assist me in my quest for fuel. Each one discharges a method of enabling me to gather fuel so that I can feel the ultimate emotion.

My pursuit of fuel is predicated on the use of these various emotions with the sole purpose of allowing me to feel that emotion which I prize above all others.

I feel powerful.

I am powerful.

14 thoughts on “The Narcissist and Feelings

  1. Kiki says:

    I’m struggling guys , really struggling so much I want to cry today .
    6 months no contact and not a peep from ex Narc , like I never existed .I was so tempted to reach out , but Fuck him he has forgotten me and that hurts.
    Is this normal, it’s like waves of emotional pain .

    Kiki

    1. Empath007 says:

      The addiction is so strong. It’s crazy. I was watching this television series called Sex/Life on Netflix and it’s basically about this woman’s obsession with her ex narc (although of course he’s not labeled that)… even though she has the “perfect” suburban life… it’s extremly well done, but ouff… brings up the feels in a very real way !

      Don’t beat yourself up. Feel however you need to feel. Congrats on 6 months !

    2. Asp Emp says:

      Kiki, I have just sent a comment to you RE: ET. Emotional pain is real. Very real. I’ve had it. It sits in the base of your abdomen – that is deeply ingrained emotional pain. Since the addiction to narcissism usually starts as a child – I am not sure of your ‘case’ (experiences that started your ‘addiction’ in the first place – I am not asking for information). Have you heard of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? (CPTSD). Please do have a read on that – this is very useful and it may help you see why the addiction to narcissism can be very difficult to get yourself out of and why people attract further interactions with narcissists. Your emotional pain is actually, if I may say, a hole / wound that was not ‘resolved’ from a long time ago.

  2. Duchessbea says:

    They have no genuine feelings. Just hate and more vitriolic hatred all masked with a smile.

  3. pondering panther says:

    “I feel powerful.

    I am powerful.”

    You speak the Truth. The Truth is Powerful.

  4. Empath007 says:

    Wait… you’ve NEVER just wanted to spend the day sleeping in and call in sick to work just so you could relax … EVER ??? I don’t believe that for a second.

    This article isn’t my favourite … I’ve commented on it many times before but I feel tone does not accurately convey my own experiences with feelings. See… it’s like people telling you all the time that being a narcissits sounds “exhausting” and you repeatedly have to tell them it isn’t. That’s how I view this article… because I genuinely don’t see my feelings as a burden. It’s not exhausting for me and it certainly doesn’t “weaken” me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, that would be pointless.

      1. Empath007 says:

        Haha ! That is very impressive. Very impressive indeed.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed, that is the way I am.

    2. Violetta says:

      Empath007:

      May depend on type of narc. A Lesser living off his girlfriend or aged parents (who should have been able to retire long ago, but can’t because they’re supporting his worthless hide) very likely has no trouble not getting up for a job he probably doesn’t have, & couldn’t keep if he changed to get it.

    3. A Victor says:

      “…NEVER just wanted to spend the day sleeping in and call in sick to work just so you could relax … EVER ???” Post Golden Period, my ex would never do it, not once, no matter how much I begged. It was frustrating but also confusing, it didn’t seem normal. He wouldn’t even do it even when he was actually sick. It was not normal.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Hello AV, maybe not all narcissists do take ‘time off’ work. The MRN did (on a couple of occasions, early on in the “golden period”), no point in explaining why….it was Duracell time until the battery went flat…… ho hum…. 😉

        1. A Victor says:

          Mine couldn’t, he needed to get out for his fuel fixes, and extract from me all along the way also, the ex machina thing, very much so.

          Laughing about the battery analogy…going flat! Mine ex’s battery never did!

          1. Asp Emp says:

            AV, your ex was not using Duracell 😉 😉

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