The Devastation of the Illusion



You fell in love with an illusion. You fell hard and deep for something which never existed. The golden days that we created together were the twisted reflections of my manipulative hold over you. I know how anxious you were to try to recover the golden period. You poured your beautiful heart into securing the impossible. I know that my silences, my verbal violence, the cheating and the lies, my perfidious control of you was brutal, malicious and devastating. I understand that the whole avalanche of manipulative techniques I applied to you, in savage wave after insidious wave crushed your self-esteem, mauled your sanity and shattered your world. This brutality was nothing compared to the aftermath.

For now you have slipped away from my tight, choking grip. I know however that you sit looking from the window where you used to watch for me strolling up the driveway, a bouquet in my hands and the pain still wracks you as you remember how you fell in love with someone who was not real. Memory after memory stirs from within, an endless loop of ‘best of’ moments that you want to stop remembering but you cannot. It hurts yet you still want to remember because even as the pain rises in your chest, you still feel the flicker of your love for me and you still cherish that. Like the drug addict, you know that line of cocaine is no good for you but still you need to snort it. The cold silences may no longer chill our living room. The sting of my slap across your cheek has long since faded. The barbed comments I fired your way each day have lost their power to wound. All of that has gone. The one lingering, tortuous pain that still sits deep within you is the knowledge that you were in love with an illusion No matter how much you discuss it with your friends, the earnest hours with your therapist and the pile of books about healing that are stacked up besides your favourite chair (which I always tried to sit in before you), none of them help take away that awful aching.

You can manage the shame of being fooled. You take a strange pride in having given your all to such a despicable person because that is the person you are. Honest, decent and a provider of unconditional love. You do not want that to change. You do not want to lose the empathy for which you are renown. The battered bank balance will repair (eventually) and the dosage of the medication will come down (your doctor has said as such in soothing tones). The strength of character which made me choose you means you can deal with all of these things. The one thing that will never leave is that deep-seated pain that you loved a ghost. Your head will eventually accept what happened, that you were charmed, entranced and enchanted and you never stood a chance. That was why you were chosen. Emotionally, you will never lose that dull ache as you sit and reminisce about our time together and how wonderful being in love with me was. Your heart will never accept that it was not real.

That crack, that fracture, that tiny chink that remains from your frenetic and devastating time with me shall always remain. It is through it that I can return as I slip, shadow like into your heart through that unhealed wound. That is why we did what we did; so we always had a way back in. For all of the strength that you exhibit through never taking a call from us, from changing email accounts, from burning the pictures and changing mobile numbers, you are never truly safe. Yes, you manage to evade the snaking tendrils that we uncoiled to try to haul you back under our spell. You will have to maintain that vigilance for the rest of your life. Our polluting influence, if ever allowed near you again, will creep and trickle through the hole that will never seal. You are consigned to a lifetime of wariness and maintain your defences because that damage is permanent.

You only ever love the person you thought I was.

64 thoughts on “The Devastation of the Illusion

  1. ava101 says:

    Had a video chat with the exnarc, and no feelings at all left, as he’s put on a different mask now, There doesn’t seem to be any common ground at all.
    Just feel very naive (back then), I think now his main motivation was money, for being with his wife now. So now, 1 year ago, shortly after lol rediscovering his love forher in couple’s therapy, lol, they built a house and a studio for him, cars, etc., none of that would have been attainable for him.
    About lockdown he said, yes, there had been conflicts, but it was ‘high energy’. Right…
    That woman must be a true work horse strong type.
    So I am left feeling stupid and without as partner to build me a house and exhausted struggling for myself but not as stupid and exhausted as her for sure.
    Only thing that comforted me in lockdown was that it wasn’t with him.

  2. Chihuahuamum says:

    Off topic…but i thought i’d mention a funny movie on Netflix called “A simple favour”. There is a character that is a greater narcissist, which is a woman. A lpt of the tactics are in the movie. Its a mix of comedy, drama and thriller.

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      I did see that one a while ago. Now I’m going to have to watch it again after learning more about narcissism. Especially as it involves a woman. I do remember enjoying it.

  3. Asp Emp says:

    HG, it was so heartening to see the support from other people towards Kiki on this thread. It is also really good to see the differentiating suggestions from all those who contributed. I hope Kiki will be able to find some solace in the words of support and make some forward & constructive ways that will work best for her in order to reach the place where people have achieved with the use of your work, your support and the use of your blog. Kudos to you, HG.

    Also kudos to the other people who have come forward to offer words of advice / support.

  4. Kiki says:

    I broke no contact 🥺
    I knew I would, I was strong for six months and just kept thinking I’m forgotten.
    I am no reply , but no reply is better than a scathing response or an Icey one.

    I know feel like the Narc hoovering him ,


    1. Kiki says:

      If anyone is about I really need some advice.
      Everyone seems so much ahead of me in their recovery here , I’m a failure , was I involved with some sort of super Narc to still feel like this , constant omnipresence , dreams nightmares.
      I just sat and cried last night. The tears wouldn’t stop.I think I need to let myself grieve , he was a Narc but I still loved him and maybe I need to allow myself to grieve .Anger powered me on for months .I never cried.
      A mid ranger I was told by HG , I feel I’ve failed .

      1. SParham says:

        I’m new to this. I cannot GOSO at this point. If you’ve taken that step please be so proud of yourself. I think crying is a good thing. It almost feels like washing the anger out so there’s no berserk reactions. Don’t let narc know though. He lost that honor to ever see you again. 💐

      2. BC30 says:

        Why did you do it?

      3. Joa says:

        Never get blamed! To fail – a human thing. To fail – it is normal. Many times in life you will go to the bottom, sometimes you will show weakness – it is necessary to gain strength. Touch the bottom and bounce off the bottom, I’ve walked hundreds of times.

        Everything you feel – love, kindness, joy, euphoria, superpower, but also weakness, sadness, suffering, despair – are the greatest things that can happen to you in life. You will remember the taste of each of these emotions, in its many shades and colors. Maybe they are life …

        There is nothing worse for humans than stagnation and apathy.

        As long as you feel, you live.

        And mistakes? How boring life would be without them 🙂

        Distance to myself. Did you loose? You’ll lace up again soon 🙂

      4. Joa says:

        And one more thing. You don’t have to take narcissists so deadly seriously. We ourselves give them too much, even divine significance.

        When the phase of the deepest suffering (which has a nostalgic beauty in it) is over – bounce lightly and laugh at yourself and at this “important” narcissist too 🙂

        You shed tears, your heart is pounding, you curl inside into a small, compact ball and you unfold by yelling, you die a million times a day, while he probably writes the same hackneyed text to several girls, picking his nose and farting in the armchair at the same time. Bore 😀

        1. BC30 says:

          I agree with overstating their significance.

      5. Eternity says:

        It will be ok honest. We make mistakes and out ET allows it when logic disappears for awhile. We think with our heart not with our head. I have been there done it.. You are not a failure and you are definitely not alone by a long shot You are a lot stronger than you think. You are here now. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Cry ,cry let it all.out! After 24 years of marriage I left him . I am never ever going back to my old life.i never thought I would he where I am now. Kiki you can do it ! And you will. I am rooting for you!

      6. Asp Emp says:

        KIki, ahh, dearie me. What triggered your ET? Have you got HG’s assistance package ‘The Triple Addiction’? If you have, maybe have another listen / read of it (if you have not got the package, take advantage of the 50% discount)? Have you got a friend that you can trust and speak to face-to-face about this issue you are finding difficult to get past the ET stage? Conversing with us on here can help you but something is stopping you from maintaining the no contact regime – did you say you contacted by what method? – How comes you still have his contact details around?

        You may be actively encouraging a ‘hoover’ from him by contacting him and no doubt he is playing the ‘waiting’ game, to see if you’d contact him again. Have a think and write it down, for yourself. Should you decide that you need a consult with HG sooner or later – keep the notes you write (in a safe place for the time being – keep a diary if it will help – you can even put in this ‘diary’ that it was such an article that triggered you, or a comment you may have read, or something – write it down and refer back to it to remind yourself and maybe you can start to recognise the weak points in your ET).

        ET is such a bugger. It really is. People have said for many years “Your mind is playing tricks on you” – that is exactly what ET is doing = conning you. People may have said those words in a flippant way – but, by god, I know exactly what those mean, after learning what ET is about (no, I am referring to that little loveable alien film). Kiki, I really hope you can get a start to move forward without allowing yourself to go backwards…… We are all here for you 🙂

        1. BC30 says:

          There is NO DOUBT with a Narc Detector. I agree with your suggestions to avail oneself of HG’s materials.

      7. Truthseeker6157 says:


        Hey, it’s ok xx.

        You are very hard on yourself Kiki, please don’t be. People recover differently from different ensnarements with different types of narcs. I had a year long physical relationship with a MMRA and was completely unscathed. An online one with MMRB and he knocked me sideways. There’s no sense to that at all. None whatsoever. Circumstances, timing, life events, him, it could have been one of any number of reasons that provoked a different reaction in me. So we can’t compare. Not when can even behave differently with different narcs. You shouldn’t compare yourself in terms of recovery. You are you, it takes as long as it takes Kiki.

        HG describes recovery as a battle. Crossing the emotional sea and falling into it before climbing out and trying again. You aren’t alone in falling off the boat. It’s almost expected! So no need to beat yourself up. I don’t think he is a super narc. The sadness is wearing though isn’t it? It’s that dull ache that’s there all the time. Bit by bit it just drags you down. It aches and you get to a point where you just think, “Screw it, I didn’t feel this bad when I was with him. This is worse.” That’s the point you want to give in.

        You know all of the reasons why you can’t go back. You’ll never be happy with this man. There’s no future for you there. I don’t think it is the man himself that is the problem. I think it might be what the man represented to you. That takes some thinking about to figure out. To put your finger on exactly what the hook is so you can voice it and HG or maybe the empaths here can help undo it. I held on to a couple of beliefs for the longest time. HG turned one around in a few sentences. Our thinking gets messed up. Part of what will be making you ache will be your own thinking misfiring.

        At the start, I think the ‘missing’ part just jumbles together as one ache. Like a massive ball of wool. You won’t be missing everything about him though. You will be missing very specific things that you thought he provided. Those things likely came from you. You assigned those qualities to him. In terms of qualities, he’s a narc, he really doesn’t have any genuine qualities. I did similar with the MMRB.

        I think if you can isolate the key things that you miss and the key things that he represented, then you can better break them down and exclude them. Then the ball of wool shrinks. It’s less messy. You can think a bit more clearly, you see the next part and the next and that messy ball gets smaller and smaller until you are free of it altogether.

        That’s kind of what it was like for me with my sadness. Try to isolate exactly what it is that’s making you sad and start there. Please don’t answer the hoover. It won’t help. Even if it’s benign, it will be utter lies and bull shit. You know this, so please don’t do it!

        Get back in the boat instead! Start to unpick things. Unravelling that messy ache is the way out. At least, it was for me.

        I hope this helps.


        1. BC30 says:

          So dangerous! What if he HAD responded… salami slicing…

          Compare and despair😭 we are all on our own journeys 💕 and it’s takes time.

      8. Empath007 says:

        Don’t compare yourself to others… you’re at where you’re at. There’s no timeline, no magic wand that can take it all away. I’m 3 years no contact … and I still think about him every single day. Sometimes I think I’m abnormal as well.

        Perhaps there are other factors leading to your relapses ?

        Do you have a good support system ?
        Has the pandemic affected your life in any negative ways ?
        Are you sleeping properly?
        Are you taking time for self care ?

        Perhaps redirect your focus to what it is you need. It probably won’t take away all the “cravings” to contact him. But it will help you.

        Also perhaps try dating others ? Maybe a distraction would help.

        Hang in there. You broke no contact. Not the law. You’re human. It happens.

      9. psychologyandworldaffairs says:

        Do not be so hard on yourself. The first time I split with my ex – I was all this and more – I did let him come back (I hope you are stronger than I was).

        The second time was different – things deteriorated more and did not got better. Second time around – I wanted to drive such a wedge that there would be no hope of a return. I decided I had had enough..

        I can tell you it gets easier in time – but right now this will be of no comfort. I hope you have friends who are there for you 🙂

      10. Jasmin says:

        Hi Kiki!
        Don’t judge yourself to hard. (Easier said than done, I know, but try to be forgiving towards yourself). If you broke NC, reinforce it and fill the gap he made his way through.
        Six months is not a long time. You’ve lost someone you loved. You are most probably in a crisis and it’s a normal reaction to a abnormal situation. I think you are correct in your need to grieve. If you haven’t cried until recently then you most probably need to have a good cry. It’s painful but it heals. 💔💖
        If it is of any comfort; I spent around one year greivering (after 3 months acting like a complete lunatic😅) and I cried a lot. The overpresence of narc1 still ghosted with my mind after 12 years..
        Good luck and take care.

      11. JB says:

        Kiki, you are absolutely not a failure! You are right about it being a grieving process though. Anger is one of the stages of grief, as is sadness. You are working through the stages and everyone progresses at their own rate. It doesn’t go in straight lines either, so an awful day doesn’t mean you can’t have a better day on another occasion. One of my best friends died in January, and sometimes I feel the same about other people, appearing to be ok when I still feel devastated and no different to how I felt months ago. But no-one ever knows how they are going to feel in any situation until it happens to them, and it’s a lot to process – the loss of two people (the one who you loved, and the realisation that actually they never really existed as such), the self judgement (how didn’t I see this coming, etc), the addiction feeling of knowing the truth, but still yearning to get in touch. It’s a long process, and it takes time to work through. I know this may be of little consolation, but you are normal, you aren’t alone and you definitely haven’t failed in any way. HG will have no doubt given you excellent practical advice on how to reduce your emotional thinking and go through the cold turkey feeling of NC. In terms of emotional advice, my advice would be to treat it exactly as any other loss. Allow yourself to grieve, and be kind to yourself by not putting time limits on how you feel. And keep talking to us, we are all here for you xxx

      12. lickemtomorrow says:

        Kiki, my heart goes out to you <3 You haven't failed. Rest assured.

        We've all been there. Wanting, waiting and hoping for the hoover. Feeling desperate when it didn't come. Overjoyed when it did. It's no wonder there's a tempation to contact him when he hasn't contacted you. So often they're happy to play the waiting game, probably because they are not attached the way we are. They pick us up and put us down to suit themselves. With no sentiment attached to it. For us, there is, and so much more. We do love them, sincerely. Unfortunately our love is not enough to break through the armour that is theirs. We only hurt ourselves trying to break through it.

        Definitely allow yourself to grieve. Being angry may also be part of that process. Now, after 6 months, maybe you are moving past the anger to the sadness. I know I have experienced a letting go process which involved a whole range of emotions. All at different times and for different reasons. Whatever about that, it is a loss and we need to process that.

        It would be great to be the narc and not give two hoots about anyone. For an empath it's not possible to be that disconnected. We carry all the pain from these relationships. I am wondering is if your experience lends itself to you needing some extra support outside of the forum. Some of the symptoms you are describing sound post traumatic with the dreams and nightmares. It could be you are just in a very vulnerable moment right now and having contacted him with no reply is only making you feel worse. It is OK to cry, and be sad in the circumstances, but if you are feeling overwhelmed then find out what your options are for further support.

        You know we are here for you and many of us have progressed through the same ups and downs. They do eventually get better and everyone here understands how you can fall back at times in your efforts to escape the narcissist. Please don't feel bad on that account. The most important thing is to let yourself grieve and know that process will eventually come to an end. It's always hard to believe when you are in the middle of it. But so many of us have been where you are and can reassure you of that.

        Please look after yourself, Kiki, and let us know how you are getting on xox

      13. Leigh says:

        Oh KIki, you haven’t failed. I mean, look at me, I’m still actively ensnared by my narc husband. If you ever feel like you failed, just think to yourself, “At least I’m not as bad as Leigh, LOL.” In all seriousness though, this is what they do Kiki, they get inside our heads. Its ok, you had one slip up. It happens to everyone. Its actually good he didn’t respond, now you can see the truth. He’s a narcissist and only cares about himself. Imagine if he did respond, you might have gotten ensnared again. Try to redirect your energies. Are you dancing still? If not, start dancing again. Read more of Mr. Tudor’s articles and listen to his You Tube videos. The video on cognitive dissonance is a really good one. I also think that you can benefit by shifting your focus on learning about the empath instead of only concentrating on learning about the narcissist. Learning about ourselves is key. It helps us see what piece of us is causing us to stay ensnared.

        You can do this Kiki. Don’t let one setback get you down.

      14. wildviolet22 says:

        Sorry to hear that, Kiki. I know what you mean about the anger. As long as it’s channeled to stay the hell away from someone (and not providing negative fuel for the narc) it’s preferable to feeling sad, vulnerable and missing someone. At least that’s what I find to be true.

        Not sure about your guy being a super narc. I think these people get way too much credit sometimes, when really it’s what’s going on within us. And lots of people break no contact, or are probably still in contact, and not necessarily commenting about it. I’m not sure if I did when I broke no contact last year. And as much as I hate the no response, mine did respond, and all it did was rake me over the coals for a few more months. So yeah, sometimes either scenario sucks, and doesn’t feel good.

        Some things that I found/ find helpful going through this:

        -reading articles here, current, as well as old, and the comments.

        -Pete Walker’s website on C-PTSD (my childhood was full of abuse and neglect).

        -DBT (for staying present/ mindfulness, distracting and coping).

        -CBT for thoughts. This is a biggie. Think of a triangle with thoughts -driving feelings- driving behaviors. One of the things I do now if I so much as having a passing thought about contacting him, is I tell myself “nope! I do not let people into my life who abuse me”. What we tell ourselves is very important, and those thoughts really do influence feelings, and drive behaviors.

        Good luck, hope you feel better soon.

      15. Claudia says:

        Hope you’re ok, Kiki! Don’t blame yourself!
        Do you ever go onto Quora there are lots of people on there in the Narcissistic support groups.
        H.G. was my first and most important help, but that was my second.
        I don’t check back on this through the email, but good luck best wishes and you will get through!

        1. NarcAngel says:

          When I visited Quora early on I found it more confusing than helpful. I now see that as due to a lot of conflicting misinformation. I pop in there occasionally and find it to be unchanged. There have even been people there claiming to be HG, so you are leaving yourself open to narcissists posing as experts as well as the usual crackpots that permeate when there is little to no adherence to any rules.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I agree with you NA.

          2. SParham says:

            I agree too. I only stick with HG on narcissist advice. Quora is confusing. I’ve been HG name dropping in FB groups and in real life. I want everyone to be properly educated.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you for doing so.

          4. Kiki says:

            Hi Narc Angel

            I read Quora sometimes but never post there.
            Some advice is good but I would be ridiculed and slammed about this trip up.
            I know what people would say , it’s been 6 months Move on , get a life yadda yadda .😳


          5. Violetta says:

            And there was at least one Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs case who claimed to be HG’s ex. Strangely, everything she said contradicted every other thing she said.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            None of them are fit to breath the same air as me.

      16. Bubbles says:

        Dearest Kiki,
        It’s what happens when you’re dealing with a narcissist, they play on your emotions like no other and the aftermath is horrendous and extremely painful
        You did nothing wrong by contacting him because you missed him, cared n loved him deeply …. your gave your heart to him completely
        Parting ways with anyone is an enormous step to take and sometimes justifying the ‘whys’ takes longer than others. Some need to return over n over to accept the inevitable.
        Mr Tudor has ‘professionally’ confirmed what he is and has given you his advice in order for you to move forward.

        Perhaps contacting him has now given you some further processing to take on board and think about. Was it a successful encounter or not ? How did it make you feel? Does he have a new partner? Do you see yourself as a friend only? How does he feel about you ? If you went back, how would it be and for how long? Would you ever trust him? Could you handle another breakup episode ?
        How detrimental is he to your health? Do you like the way he treats you? What do you like about him ? What DON’T you like about him? Are you just with him because of familiarity? Does he lift your spirits or drags you down? What would your future hold? Are you allowing him to sabotage you from finding new hopes, dreams n personal growth? Are you worthy of more ? What do YOU want in life ?
        Golden rule …… if ever in doubt ……. DON’T !!!

        Crying is a natural release valve for us, it helps in dealing with our emotions
        You haven’t failed sweet Kiki, you’re just dealing with very complicated human interactions involving a narcissist
        Always remember to take care of yourself lovely one … matter what !
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. Kiki says:

          Thank you Bubbles and Claudia
          I was ignored , no reply .
          It makes me second guess is he even a Narc .
          I feel like the Narc hoovering , although I know I’m not .
          Well he has every right to not respond, the relationship is over but I feel sad.
          I suppose what kind of response was I looking for anyway .
          Being ignored was probably better than a cold dismissive reply .

          Thanks I’m feeling a bit better it was only one message, thankfully.


          1. Eliza-MotivationalSpeakerWannaBe says:

            Keep looking ahead Kiki ! Dont torture yourself by looking back and ruminating. I used to say this old quote from ( Napoleon Hill ? )
            What the mind can conceive and BELIEVE You can ACHIEVE!!

      17. Violetta says:

        Kiki, I sometimes find myself googling people I knew years ago when I was growing up to see if they’ve been properly butt-kicked by life. Sadly, most haven’t. Or if they have, they never learned why they deserve it. I know perfectly well that I am both acting on my ET and raising it. When I found out the shrink who filed me up in hyper drugs instead of reporting my wife-beating, kiddie-bashing dad to the police was still in practice, I wanted to travel to my hometown, ring his doorbell, and kick his geriatric ass.

        You lasted 6 months before you fell off the wagon? That’s pretty good, and now you know you can do it. Get back on the wagon, do another 6 months, add still more after that. Or just take it day-by-day: every day that you don’t contact the narc is a victory. Every day you find yourself thinking of something else is another victory.

        By the last, I don’t mean trying not to think of him (there’s an old folktale about how well that works!), but thinking of him only through the controlled lens of KTN so your ET is kept in check by logic.

      18. Another Cat says:

        Kiki ❤️ to you. As my 8 year old son said the other day. Sometimes one gets it wrong. One can’t do right always.

    2. SParham says:

      Please please please just tell him you tried a new form of spirituality or that you were drunk so your contact meant nothing. Door slam his ass. Re-listen to
      You were fortunate to escape. Narcs are dangerous creatures. A reconciliation never goes well. Super sad but true.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Tell him nothing. That is a breach of no contact and opens you up to a preventative hoover.

      2. Kiki says:

        Hahaa thank you , no I had a moment of weakness.
        I will not do it again .
        Solid six months no contact was good I think .🤔
        Just straight back into it again .
        At least I had enough space not ask why I’m being ignored.Cringe I know but that’s the way I would have been before , so I am disconnecting.
        I hope this doesn’t sound too pathetic.


        1. SParham says:

          Ignoring you is a good thing for your future sanity. An old healing saying goes give your self two months for every year you’ve suffered. Six months is a great head start if that’s the case. I’ve hear HG say sometimes it takes longer and I can see why. Pathetic does not come to mind when reading your words. I’m more proud that you snapped out of it! You go girl! Emotional thinking is tough to catch when it’s been part of us for as long as we’ve been alive. I sometimes tell myself aloud “emotional thinking”. It’s become a righteous, nagging, frontal thought before, during and after devaluation. I’m awaiting the detector results of my narcsband of 30 years. I loved my kids more than I hated him so I stuck it out. I didn’t ever want to be apart from them and that’s exactly what would have happened. Fuck that sky high! (Merch idea HG 👏 that and a ginger poodle! 🤣🤣)

          I’d love to help enable the young ones to understand narcissist and empath early on. It’s like cutting edge expansion of psychology! I have not physically laughed as much as I have since I had my brain flipped by HG. My natural state is fun but it was dampened by a real life blow to the face by a diabetic narcissist, close, colleague. I quietly bust my ass if someone is paying me and I loved my floral work. My floral department was inside a large supermarket. I worked the pandemic in that grocery store when there was nothing on shelves. Talk about a trippy and humbling experience! This narc colleague painted my ass really black and attacked me in the end. I see him in court (for the first time in my life!omg) this month. It’s been 7 months since I’ve seen him so my ET is actually much lower, yay! Prior to that I was again attacked by an elderly diabetic narc colleague. It was over my tying of his apron during an impromptu – canvas, abstract painting show – in front of a crowd! I guess my empathy kept me from striking back both times? I was PISSED but retreated cussing. I got so much of other folks saying that “they’d hit them back”. My colleagues were old and I had spent years helping them when they’d been weak, I could have whooped them good! But… I know I’d detest the memory had I become violent. Get this, they both were talented artists of all things! I prefer the creative scenes of their heads blowing off in my imagination. Seems safer 😉

          I send you a long winded, virtual, atta girl hug!💐

  5. Violetta says:

    Speaking of which, article on the Express:

    Queen and Prince Harry schedule clash ‘unfortunate’ as Scotland trip prevents reunion
    PRINCE HARRY is back in the UK but unlikely to meet his grandmother the Queen as she is away in Scotland for Holyrood Week. One royal commentator has branded the schedule clash “unfortunate” amid the ongoing royal rift.

    Harry’s fucked, isn’t he?

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Violetta, in some way, it is sad that the whole ‘saga’ has reached the way it stands. It is far better for Harry to have a face-to-face talk with the Queen and no-one else around, certainly not his wife.

      1. BC30 says:

        Could that ever really happen? Since they are not narcissists, I wonder about their relationship. I know they are surrounded by narcs, but why don’t they have a close relationship? Did they have a close relationship in the past? I have very little life experience with the family narc dynamic.

      2. Violetta says:

        The Queen does nothing by chance. I have a suspicion that when people in that class are exquisitely polite to you and don’t even bother remonstrating with you, you are through.

        One can only hope Auntie Anne still cares enough to smack some sense into his head, because she might be the only one who can.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Violetta, that was funny RE: Aunt Anne.

        2. BC30 says:

          Yes, surely. The Queen does nothing by chance, but I wonder about love in their relationship.

        3. lickemtomorrow says:

          Princess Anne has a wonderful dignity about her and of all the Royals I feel she is most representative of the Queen in terms of her no nonsense approach and down to earth demeanour. My guess is, given a chance, she would take Harry by the ear and drag him off to give him a good talking to and one that he couldn’t ignore. No soft, syrupy, stuff. Just a dignified straightforward explanation of how things are and what is expected. If he was not amenable to that, then a clarfication of what that means for Harry and his wife and their position in the family. My hope – no more formal invitations, or recognition (i.e. remove their titles, take them off the website, follow through on Charles’ slimming down of the monarchy, etc) and an offer for him return on his own or with the children if he wanted to make contact with the family. Basically gloves off, and allowing him to sink or swim. If he has to come crawling back, well that will have been his choice. But, cut this cancer out. It’s only going to eat away at the monarchy, and it’s people like Anne, Edward and Sophie, Wills and Kate and their children I feel sorry for … not the ungrateful and entitled Sussexes. Anne is the one who can knock some sense into Harry. Maybe her silence is speaking a thousand words and Harry is hoping deep down she hasn’t cut him off. Because, as you say V, “when people in that class are exquisitively polite to you and don’t even bother remonstrating with you, you are through”.

      3. Violetta says:

        Btw, Harry has (at least for now) ditched the shabby grey suit and brogans, but even those sympathetic to him wonder at the taboo’d “brown in town” shoes:

    2. SParham says:

      Lock him the tower with HG’ playlist going nonstop! Make him wear and use nothing but his merch! All internet is HG sites and give h prepaid access to all tests and Knowledge Vault materials! It may take 6 months but he’d eventually get the message. He could start a charity when he is released! Bring some more attention to very naughty narcissists ruling this tiny planet.

  6. SParham says:

    The narcissists I’ve known are DEFINITELY frenetic. I used to call them micro managers of everything. Many times my ET rises, empathy lowers and I act like the narcissist in return. It wears me out dealing with them. It does feel like battling a ghost when they start shit and then move on to their next disaster. So many of the descriptors you use HG are words I’ve said thousands of times. It’s eerie to read and hear them being said.

  7. Joa says:

    Heh, friends of “my” narcissist called him “Ghost”. Back then I didn’t know why 🙂

    And yes, I will never accept that it was not real. I don’t care if he was with me out of boredom, out of pride, or if he was looking for help (!). MY LOVE WAS TRUE. And that is important to me. OUR CHILD IS REAL. And that is important to me.

    I told him the same. It’s not about him, JUST ABOUT ME.

    1. SParham says:

      I love your reply. Absolutely! 🤗

  8. Asp Emp says:

    “The Devastation Of The Illusion”


    1. Delicious Peeps says:

      Just when I think I am over it, I get furious–that heavy and hot sensation in the top of my chest.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Never charge your phone on yourself incase you doze off.

        1. Asp Emp says:

          I think the phone would be less of a ‘fire hazard’……

          1. BC30 says:


        2. BC30 says:

          😂 but in all seriousness emotions are just physical sensations.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            BC30…..”in all seriousness emotions are just physical sensations” ?! Hello ?! LOL

      2. Asp Emp says:

        DP, I think it is safe to say that it is pretty normal for people to get ‘furious’ – it depends in what context – who, when, how, where – environmental and possibly social factors may play a role…..

        1. Delicious Marshmallow Peeps says:

          I love peeps, but if I’m going to be referred to as “DP” I am going to have to change my name or giggle every time. When I think about exacting my revenge plot, I am calm, but if I allow those thoughts to roll into memories of him or his IPPS–that is when I get furious. I have to stop and clear my mind.

          I have a revenge plot all set up. So, there is no need to fantasize or dwell on it. Dwelling on it or thinking about it in any way is indulging in a recipe for disaster.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Delicious Marshmallow Peeps……. muchos apologies for the DP (laughing myself now).

            Have you seen HG’s video ‘The 3 Types of Revenge’? It may give you some insight as to why exacting ‘revenge’ is probably not advised. I do understand why some people feel the need to get ‘revenge’ though. Maybe looking onto some jam-making recipes may help you 😉

      3. SParham says:

        I know that sensation 😏. It sucks even though I tell myself it’s emotional thinking. I literally have been telling myself emotional thinking in my responses to many things. I love the saying to remain composed in public and private. It connects well with HG’ enlightening skills.

        1. BC30 says:


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