The Golden Period



The Golden Period is that period when all is wonderful between us and our victims. This is the illusory mask that is donned in order to draw you in, bind you to us, embed you and then continue to savour the positive fuel that you pump out. Of course most people recognise that this is relevant with regards to the romantic relationship between the narcissist and the Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”). Certainly, this is the most intense, most intoxicating and most addictive of the golden periods, but the golden period applies to all appliances that we interact with. How does that manifest and how long are these golden periods?
Let us commence with the tertiary source. There are essentially two types of tertiary source. There is the Sporadic Tertiary Source (“STS”) and the Frequent Tertiary Source (“FTS”). The STS is somebody that we interact with just the once or perhaps more than once but not very often. So that could be somebody who we get in a lift with or who occasionally serves us when we go to a particular restaurant every few months. We do not know one another and therefore this person is a Tertiary Source however our engagement with them is always benign. They smile at us, do something helpful for us, compliment us, speak to us in an interested way and so forth. In that instant, the interaction may only be for thirty seconds or so, but that is a golden period.

It is brief, very brief but nevertheless because we have engaged with that person in a benign way and drawn positive fuel from them they have had a golden period. We may not have charmed them but we have certainly been pleasant to them, we have impressed them, engaged with them in a way which has caused them to provide us with positive fuel. This means that they have not suffered in any way and we have drawn positive fuel.
The FTS is someone we may see several times a week but they remain a stranger to us. This might be somebody who we buy a daily newspaper from, or a ticket inspector on the train.

We engage with the individual repeatedly and always do so in pleasant terms and thus we gain positive fuel from this person who greets us with a smile and compliments our choice of tie or fragrance, but there is no more to the relationship. We see them repeatedly and this positive engagement means there is a protracted Golden Period but the manner of the engagement remains brief, seconds or minutes at most.
A golden period for the STS or FTS will be brought to an abrupt end if they criticise us in some way and wound us or we see that drawing a reaction from them by way provocation and the provision of negative fuel would serve our purposes in another way, for instance in terms of triangulating them with someone who is a higher ranked source who we wish to impress or appear authoritative in front of.
With regard to the secondary sources, there are those who are Non Intimate Secondary Sources (friends, family and colleagues) and then Intimate Partner Secondary Sources (someone we are seducing who is likely to become the IPPS, someone who is a booty call or a friend with benefits).
Those who are NISSs nearly always have golden periods and those golden periods last for a long time. This is because we exhibit our attractive qualities, we charm, we are polite, good-natured, interesting and so on in order to attract this person to us and once designated as a NISS we keep them in place for a considerable period of time. The golden period for a NISS can last a long time because we only draw on their positive fuel now and again.

Thus we may see a friend once a week or once a month and therefore there is no extensive reliance in terms of frequency and quantity from this person which threatens the potency. We may meet for an hour for a coffee or an evening out together and we draw positive fuel (plus other benefits) from them. Unless they challenge us, criticise us, stop fuel provision and such like, this golden period will continue unabated. We will not suddenly find their fuel stale (as happens with the IPPS) and therefore the golden period lasts.
With the IPSS the golden period is similarly extensive. There are three types of IPSS:-
The Candidate IPSS. This is someone who is likely to become the IPPS and is on that trajectory towards being crowned.
The Shelf IPSS. This person is not an immediate candidate for becoming IPPS (but that might change in the future) but they are used for fuel on an intermittent basis. Whilst the IPPS is devalued we will spend time with the Shelf IPSS even though we know they are not going to be the new IPPS, but their fuel etc remains of considerable use and interest to us, they may be used to triangulate with the IPPS (or other IPSSs);
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS. Read more here Dirty Little Secret

If the person is a clear prospect for IPPS then this candidate will experience the full effect of the illusory seduction as they are drawn into our world and treated like a king or queen. The various seductive manipulations will be deployed to create this magical wonderland where the most perfect love resides. This is the intoxicating, whirlwind seduction where the love-bombing abounds. Once this candidate IPSS is embedded as the IPPS the golden period continues.
Sometimes the IPSS does not secure the promotion but as I have written elsewhere there is no need to devalue this person. This person is a Shelf IPSS. Their fuel remains excellent but they are not quite right. This may  change and they are promoted in the future, or it may not and they remain an IPSS for a long time, picked up and put down when we decide. Thus if an IPSS accepts this role they will experience a long golden period. Yes, there will be periods when they will not hear from us and they have been placed on the shelf but this is not devaluation.
The fuel from an IPSS similarly does not become stale because they are engaged with intermittently by us. The pattern of engagement may be a weekend together and then nothing for a fortnight. It might be a week away together and then nothing for a month.
With the Dirty Little Secret IPSS the engagement is likely to be an hour in the evening or the occasional afternoon but usually once a week, sometimes more. The time together is not long but there is a greater frequency than that of the Shelf IPSS.

With all three of these IPSSs they experience significant golden periods.
The Candidate IPSS has an intense golden period which may be a number of weeks before they then become an IPPS and the golden period for that appliance is applicable;
The Shelf IPSS can have a golden period for years and years;
The Dirty Little Secret IPSS can have a golden period for years and years.
The Golden Periods for the Shelf and Dirty Little Secret IPSS is not as intense as that for the Candidate (nor the IPPS see below) but it remains addictive. The victim is treated well, future-faked a lot, given comfort crumbs, taken places, confided in, bought gifts and so forth.The narcissist recognises the value of these type of IPSSs and wishes to maintain them. If the IPSS challenges the narcissist, for instance wants the narcissist to spend more time with them, or threatens to expose their affair to the IPPS, the narcissist will devalue but does so in order to bring that person back into line. If they respond then the golden period is restored immediately. If not, the malfunctioning IPSS will be dis-engaged with and somebody else sought for the role.
The Golden Period for the IPPS is that which most people are familiar with. The Golden Period for the IPPS commences when they are a Candidates IPSS and once they have been embedded they continue to enjoy the fruits of the narcissist’s largesse. The golden period for the IPPS is the one which creates the truly magical connections, the dizzying delight and wondrous magnificence which becomes addictive. The Golden Period for the IPPS will last from months to years dependent on how long their positive fuel is potent enough, frequent enough and supplied in the desired quantities. A typical golden period will be 6-24 months.
The Golden Period for an IPPS ends because the appliance fails us. This is because the appliance has reduced the potency, frequency and/or quantity of the fuel so that it is no longer sufficient for us and thus devaluation must commence by way of altering the fuel provided and punishing the malfunctioning IPPS. Or the positive fuel no longer is regarded as potent by us because it feels stale. Again, devaluation follows for the reasons just explained.

This determination is entirely down to us and there is nothing you can do about it. Devaluation always occurs with the IPPS because this person is who we rely on the most for our fuel provision and is the most important supplier. We thus engage with this person frequently, often live with this person, certainly see them almost every day, talk every day, do much together so we can draw on the positive fuel. The fuel is extremely potent to us and of critical consequence. However, this frequent reliance means that the risk of it becoming stale is very high and therefore devaluation follows. Unlike a NISS or IPSS, devaluation is not a foregone conclusion because of the lower demand placed on these secondary sources for their fuel provision.
Some people who are the IPPS do not experience the fireworks and magic of the Golden Period. Instead, they experience the Bronze Period. This is when the narcissist (usually a Lower or Middle Lesser or  a Lower Mid-Ranger) does not treat them especially magnificently but what they do do is keep the beast in check so that what is seen is not going to cause the newly targeted victim to retreat. The Golden Period and the Bronze Period both serve the function of hiding the true nature of the narcissist from the victim.

The full horror is kept from them. The Golden Period goes further and binds the victim especially to the narcissist, it heightens the addiction of the victim, it creates a place which the victim strives to return to (and which the narcissist will reinstate if he or she sees fit) during devaluation. The Bronze Period merely keeps the horror under wraps and there will be some favourable treatment but nothing amazing.
The Golden Period for all appliances is an artifice which is designed to enable us to secure our Prime Aims (see The Prime Aims ) chief of which is the provision of fuel. Whether this illusion  is used for 30 seconds or years, it is still that; an illusion.

49 thoughts on “The Golden Period

  1. Duchessbea says:

    When the Golden period is long gone, which lets be honest, in a relationship with a narc, that is the only thing guaranteed and for the shortest amount of time, after then it is all about triangulation with anything, a person, the phone, the remote control, a floor mat, etc. etc., it doesn’t matter just so long as they get that fuel. Even after he is out of your life and with new IPPS, he will still want to make you jealous by showing up randomly at places he knows you are/will be and making sure you see him, both of them, and looking for and wanting to see your reaction. It is at times like that, whilst giving no reaction, you can just see that look out of the corner of your eye of his glaring at you with a superior air. Hmmm. Best thing ever invented NC. Always everytime.

  2. jasmin says:

    The golden period that I resived was not perfect – it contained black crumbs (overall triangulation)..

    1. A Victor says:

      Jasmin, was he a lesser?

      1. jasmin says:

        No, he can’t be, but maybe LMR?

        1. A Victor says:

          That would explain it. Another thing that I have learned is that when I thought I was in the GP I likely wasn’t yet, but rather probably in the IPSS stage while thinking I was the IPPS. So I was put on and taken off the shelf for a long time, years, and I thought the entire time I was the IPPS. I don’t know if yours could have been this but learning this for me helped me understand some of what had happened in that relationship. After our wedding, after 7 years together but never living together, I had the GP, also had 3 months of it at the start of the 7 years but when it came back after the wedding it was way better.

          1. jasmin says:

            Hi again AV!
            I have tried to write down a “timeline” today. Not easy to remember exactly when the devaluing ‘incidents’ took place as it was so long time ago. I really struggle to see that it ever passed more then 1 month between them. Always short lived – a triangulating coment, a haughty dismissive coment, a intimidation, a black stare and then back to golden.
            As I’ve been reading and listening I’ve been giving points to LMR and UMR but mostly to MMRA. This seems so LMR though so now I’m daubting again. 🙈
            I saw a book in the knowledge vault: ‘match the manipulation’. I will purchase that and write down everything to get structure.

          2. A Victor says:

            Jasmin, that is a good plan, Match the Manipulations is helpful. Have you done the EDC to know what type of narc is most drawn to you? I did it months before I sent my ex through the NDC, it turned out I was married for years to the exact type of narc most drawn to my type of empath! It really made me a believer in HG’s systems. And then it happened again with my daughter though we haven’t sent her ex through the NDC, both she and I can totally see it. And one really strange thing was that I didn’t even think my ex was a narc before I got his results back! It was a good lesson for me in how subtle narcissism can present. Anyway, I recommend the consults very much. But the one you are thinking to get is very good also.

          3. jasmin says:

            AV, no I haven’t done the EDC. I will defently do some day. I try to make what I can out of the resources I got.
            Sitting target have helped a lot for me to understand what typ of narsissist that is drawn to me.
            I revisited some of HG’S material and I have dismissed narc2 as a LMR again. His appearance is overall that of a “good person”. Decent, polite, respectable, good moral compass, helpful and humble.
            2 of my friends that I have determined to be narcissists are also middle- midrangers.
            I can clearly see why there is a mutual attraction between us.

            I’m glad for both you and your daughter that you have been able to see the connection and make sense of your situations. It feels so good when the token falls down!

          4. A Victor says:

            Hi Jasmin, yes, I am currently rereading Sitting Target, actually not reading cover to cover this time, more highlighting things specific to my situation, myself, my narcs. It is an amazing book! I am also rereading some of the manipulation/abuses ones, doing the same thing but more cover to cover. I think LET, on another thread, recently said something about us gorging at the beginning and needing to go back and savor. That’s where I am with regard to the books. Sadly some of the other material that I own, which is pretty much all of it since I gorged early on in many ways, I haven’t even gotten to yet. But it’s okay, I am slowly making my way through it and I learn more with every bit. The more I learn, the more I seem able to learn and understand, at this point anyway. I am impressed with people like yourself who seem to have a natural grasp of it seemingly early on, that was not the case for me. I am still absorbing the fact that there are actually bad people in the world! Stuff like that has been difficult, I just want to reject it. Anyway, thank you as always for the chat, always nice! 🙂

          5. jasmin says:

            Hi AV,

            I think LET is right about us gorging at the beginning and the need to go back and savor.
            RE: “highlighting things specific to my situation, myself, my narcs.” That’s good! I don’t know if you’ve tried to write down those things? Like a mind map. For me it is very helpful.

            Sitting target is excellent!

            I don’t know if have a natural grasp? I’ve been here quiete long actually.😅 It must be about one and half year now🤔 but I didn’t comment or interact with others on the blog.

            I’ve known that there are bad people in the world sense I was a child (my stepdad showed a good example and later on the history classes and the news were very much confirming there existence) but I mistakingly thought that they were extremely rare…

            Pleasure always on my side as well. Thank you.🤗

          6. A Victor says:

            Hi Jasmin, I have been doing a bit of writing things down, not journaling especially as I hate doing that, but a you said, more of a map idea, facts not emotions.

            Thank you for sharing you’ve been here so long, I was feeling slow! It has been such a process but I think i am getting there a bit, finally.

            I am starting to think, from your comment, that nudge I know they’re out there but I deny to myself that they will hurt me. Therefore i am surprised when it happens. If I sense a person is bad, or if I.know from another what they do and it’s bad, I do avoid them. Trust is very low. My radar is not always accurate.

            Thank you!! 🙂

      2. leelasfuelstinks says:

        He doesn´t have to be a Lesser. The Golden Period and the Devaluation can bleed into each other and there can be corrective devaluations also.

        1. A Victor says:

          Thanks Leela, I am learning much through this conversation! The summer narc, a lesser, did a corrective devaluation on me, definitelya dark spot, hence why my thinking went there. But I can see what you mean, that’s a bigger picture of it. Thank you!

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            You´re welcome, AV! I´m learning a lot too. I´m also here for educational purposes. By the way. I met Patri Narc a couple of days ago. Oh my goodness! I saw it! I saw it in his eyes! When I asked about Grandma (his mom) he gave me a word salad! My parent sitting next to me, giving me word salad, and I am thinking: “Oh my goodness!!! Narcissistic Personality Disorder! My PARENT has Narcissistic Personality Disorder”. I saw it in his eyes. His eyes wandering around, like those of my MMRA Elite. And I just thought: “OH SHIT”

          2. A Victor says:

            You are a student also but much further in the process than I. As Jasmin said, I appreciate you sharing your knowledge. I have seen it with TTU also, it is a horrible thing, not a surprise with her, but horrible. I am sorry, for you and for me, to have parents with this disorder, it makes life more challenging for sure. We used to talk about her word salads, years ago, long before we knew an official name for it. It is so prevalent, so frustrating. I have not seen it in her eyes much because she doesn’t deign me worthy of eye contact much. She used to force it when she was “disciplining” us, then we saw the fury, again not having a name for it. It was terrifying. And angering. Leela, I am so sorry you have a narc parent, it is not “fair”.

          3. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Thank you, AV! I wasn´t even THAT sad or anything. I had taken the NDC and H.G. found out that my Patri Narc was an Upper Midrange Somatic. I just really saw it with my own eyes! The first time I REALLY saw it. ” Oh shit! Narcissistic Personality Disorder!” was the only thing I thought. I´m just really asking myself, how on earth my mom can stay with him?! 60 years! 😲😱 Not sure but I think Co-dependents stay that long? She´s not a narcissist for sure. She´s catering him, serving him around the clock, she´s taking the devaluations, she´s not happy with him for sure, but never escaped. For Patri Narc it´s super comfy to have mom. He didn´t have to seek a new source, mom stays and keeps providing fuel at low energy costs for Patri Narc. Mom is so dependent on Patri Narc that she even turned against her own child! Me! She even helped Patri Narc scapegoating me! 😲 Co-D I guess. 😔

          4. A Victor says:

            Leela, I could clearly see it with my mom, years before narcsite, here it was just confirmed. But my dad, not so much. And 60 years together when he died. But, if you have a good relationship with your mom, I believe that is what counts. I am sad for her, as I was sad for my dad, for that much time, so sad. But for him it would not have made a difference in the outcome, being a narc himself. He would’ve still died with no actual relationships with anyone having happened in his life. I find that the most sad of all. 😥

            Yes, they sometimes worked in tandem but usually not, usually it was a power struggle between them. Him being much smarter, he could outwit her, she being much more in his face, she would do things more proactively, though still passive aggressively, I am laughing as I write this twisted mess!! It is insane!! Ugh, and 3 kids trying to grow up in that! They did give each other fuel, that is for sure! Mostly negative.

          5. leelasfuelstinks says:

            You know, I wanted to run an NDC to find out if there´s also a Matri Narc, not only a Patri Narc, looked up in the books, but CANNOT find any clear manipulations, cannot find any sense of entitlement, only lack of boundary recognition, no rage, no fury, mom is the calm type of person. She has no sense of entitlement at all, she´s even very insecure, dependent, serving, caring, giving, turning a blind eye to what happens to her and what happened to me. I know she had a very rough childhood.

            To me, this looks very much like a co-dependent.

          6. A Victor says:

            Yeah, if there’s nothing to write on an NDC, you probably aren’t dealing with a narc? I would agree with this. Your poor mom. I feel for her.

          7. leelasfuelstinks says:

            She´s fine but for sure not happy with Patri Narc. I really had no idea what to write in the NDC and I couldn´t see any signs of a narc. I really think she is Co-dependent.

          8. NarcAngel says:

            You say that your mother is “not a narcissist for sure” and perhaps Co-d. That may be true, but the scenario you describe of her staying and providing fuel and being so dependant on your Patrinarc that she helped him scapegoat you can also be indicators of a victim narc. It can be very hard to be objective when you are that close.

            I am not commenting specifically to your situation as there have been similar comments by others over time where I wondered if the 2nd parent was an actual (true) victim or a victim narc, it’s just that your comment has reminded me of those. When I initially arrived here it did not occur to me that 2 narcissists could/would stay in a long term relationship. I thought one was always a narc and the other a (true) long suffering victim, but that has been revealed by HG’s work to not always be the case.

            I just thought it something to consider (again – not specific to your situation). Confirmation over assumption can change the game and reveal much about what we learn, how we apply it, and more importantly – about ourselves.

          9. leelasfuelstinks says:

            I actually did consider that, but couldn´t find any behavior of seeking fuel or using ailments or whatever to gather fuel. 🤷‍♀️ I was looking for manipulations. She just talked totally after Patri Narc. She is totally devoted to him. She wanted to teach me to comply, to be how Patri Narc wanted me to be. She always asked me to comply, not to defend myself, she always defended Patri Narc that “That´s not THAT bad”, she was all the time in denial, and she still is. She always turned a blind eye to the abuse I was suffering. She just does not WANT to see reality. Turning a blind eye is what she always does.

          10. NarcAngel says:

            Is there a small part of you that is reluctant to do the NDC on your mother because although you are certain that she is Co-d, you are not mentally prepared to face the possibility of confirmation of NPD?

          11. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Thought of that too, but no! If she´s Matri Narc, then so be it! I just cannot find manipulations, cannot find a sense of entitlement, cannot find signs of a narcissist. What should I write in the manipulation section? Rage? No, never. Gas lighting? No. Blame shifting? No. Lack of boundary recognition? yes. Grandiosity? Never! Pity Plays? No! Facade? No. I just do not see signs of a narcissist.

        2. jasmin says:

          I am 100% sure that he is not a lesser. He got cognitive empathy, is opperating a fasade, normal cognitive function, finished university, using cold fury much more than heated just to mention some..
          When a wrote the timeline I did took note that two of these ‘incidents’ resulted in a upgrade of the relationship. From friends to dating and then from dating to a commitment. Could this have been corrective devaluation? I will revisit that video!
          (I see no GP in the first 3-4 months of just friendship. It started with the seduction and became more intensive after commitment).
          Thank you both AV and Leela for sharing your ideas and knowledge.

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            You´re welcome, jasmin! That´s what we all are here for. We´re all victims. We´re all traumatized! Empaths should stick together! Actually, I had a very similar dynamic with my MMRA Elite. First six months, nothing unusual. Just friends, just talking everyday stuff. Didn´t see any Red Flag, was happy to have found a nice person to talk. Then it came to friendship and he started calling me his BFF (best friend forever)! 🚩

            I got caught as NISS (non intimate secondary source). I got a long Golden Period but there were also corrective devaluations every now and then. Blame shifting, gas lighting, circular conversations, word salad, love bombing. 🚩 No intimate stuff there. He´s one of those who withhold and makes you feel like an asexual, undesirable, unwanted piece of shit!

          2. jasmin says:

            Hi Leela!
            Thanks for your response! It was helpful to hear that you have experienced a similar dynamic.
            I started as a NISS with both narc1 and narc2 so I was already a bit “poisoned” before the seduction started.
            I was also ‘just happy to have found a nice person to talk to’. At the time I was in a new country, learning a a new language and meeting new people. I had no thoughts of romance at all (even if I’m usually a love-devotee). I was to occupied. The first incident was a corrective devaluation ( I understand now) in order to change the direction, to plant ‘the seed’.

            No withholding here. Just went from treating me like a queen to treating me like a sextoy. Thankfully things didn’t turn out to bad. Many things listed in “Sex and the narsissist” never uccured.

          3. A Victor says:

            Jasmin, you’re welcome! It is fun to try to figure these things out and exercise my narc detection skills! And I learn more all the time from these conversations! Thank you for sharing!

  3. leelasfuelstinks says:

    I don´t know any victim whose golden period lasted 2 years or any healthy relationship with a honeymoon phase of 2 years 🤷‍♀️ Mostly it´s maximum 1 year. That´s when the pink glasses fall off and the healthy relationship either progresses or the partners realize that they do not fit and break up. Have never seen or experienced a honeymoon phase of 2 years, no matter if narc or not. 🤷‍♀️

    Maybe the long golden period is with the Greater or when an IPSS should become an IPPS.

    1. A Victor says:

      Hi Leela, I felt like the GP with my ex after our wedding was about 2 years but HG said on one of these threads that I could have been being devalued without knowing it. And looking back I do think that was the case but I still did enjoy that two years, it was way better than the previous 7 with him had been so there is that, what I had to compare it to.

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        This is conditioning. So, they treat you like shit and whenever they treat you just more or less normal, you perceive it as Golden Period. It´s like being locked into a cage in the dark basement. Whenever they let you out of your cage and breathe some fresh air or have a decent meal, you perceive it as if they would treat you well. This is part of the trauma bond. Every period when you are treated halfway decently you perceive as being treated well. You don´t see anymore that this is only being treated halfway nicely and this is NOT being treated well. Your brain compares it to the time period before when you were treated like shit! This goes for many other situations. Imagine there was a brutal heat wave in your area. Then then, the temperatures go down a bit to something not so hot. You perceive it as “cool”, you perceive it as relief, even though it´s still too hot and not a real relief. It´s an illusion.

        1. A Victor says:

          Leela, thank you so much for explaining this to me! It makes a lot of sense! That means that my actual GP was likely that first 3 months! Oh, I’m having a bit of anger over this, what a fucking prick! And your explanation in your second comment also is so helpful. It really expands the picture of the abuse/devaluations for me. Your MMRA and my ex are the same, except for the Elite part. And yes, the same types of shit. Ugh. Thank you!

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            You´re welcome! Your narc was a “pure” somatic, right?

          2. A Victor says:

            Yes, he was. Ugh, this is making me so mad right now. I have been able to see how my parents conditioned me for some time now. It is one of the most difficult, one of the most offensive, things for me to process. But seeing that he did it also, oh that just makes me so angry 😠! And I let him do it! What the heck! This has been eye opening, looking to the future, such good info to have. Between you and Bubbles today I have really been made more aware of what’s not okay that I didn’t know wasn’t okay before. I’m going to reread Black Flag, Red Flag and Danger: Narcissist now, with this new information in mind. Thank you again!

      2. leelasfuelstinks says:

        And do not forget: Some devaluations are very subtle. They may not lash out at you, they may not shout or put you down, but there is a little “funny joke” here, a little backhanded compliment there, a little cheating of which you of course don´t know, a little WFT-moment every now and then, that yucky feeling, like you are not good enough.

        My MMRA Elite never ever lashed out at me. He never treated me like shit. But the devil sits in the details. 😉 There were those sugar-coated little jokes, the little honey-coated remarks, the backhanded compliments, the sugar and honey coated coercion to do what he wants, to be quiet when he wanted to, not to discuss certain topics, the subtle blame shifting, the gas lighting, that feeling like being a bird in a cage.

        1. BC30 says:

          Yup. (BTW I like your knew avi)

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Thank you. 💖

    2. BC30 says:

      HG has said it’s longer for IPSS, generally. IDK about Gs, but now I am curious. Surely he has told us and I have overlooked it.

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        The Golden Period is long for IPSS and NISS, that´s true. But for IPPS maximum one year or so.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, it is usually 6-18 months for the IPPS.

          1. Witch says:

            Except if you’re me then it’s 3 months or less

          2. leelasfuelstinks says:

            That´s when you´re an emergency pick or the narc is a Lesser or both.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Witch, that gave me a giggle – I have had a couple that lasted around 9 months (from start to end of so-called-relationship) – maybe it was me and not the guy, maybe something to do with my ‘commitment’ issues (unconsciously aware, but now aware that I had this ‘issue’). Maybe they were narcissists but I’m not thinking about it.

          4. A Victor says:

            I thought this happened to me also, but here I figured out, with a lot of help, that I was not the IPPS at that point but was rather being put on the shelf, for years! That was quite the eye-opener. How did you know you were the IPPS, did you move in already at that point? Mine was just boyfriend/girlfriend for all those years, we didn’t live together until we were married. But so much fell into place after I learned that, why he would come and go, call sporadically, not feel the need to explain much etc. And the devaluation was very different when we were married, that really sucked.

          5. Witch says:


            Personally I think 3 months is too long, I should have fought back more in some situations and reduced it to 3 weeks

            I let myself down. At least I know better now.
            I haven’t experienced any higher than a middle midranger though. I don’t attract the upper Narcs because my fuel is rubbish, I don’t think I give a lot of it

          6. Asp Emp says:

            Witch, thank you for your response. You saying 3 months being too long, I understand. 9 months is even longer. We weren’t to know. Lack of ‘clarity’ (not realising why). The relationships / 9 months were before I was 30 years old, then it was the longer term (sigh) and the most damaging apart from muvver. Ah, knowledge is power.

  4. A Victor says:

    Are infatuation and Golden Period the same?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. A Victor says:

        Thank you.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

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