The Narcissist and U-Turns

 

THE NARCISSIST AND U-TURNS

 

Contradictions. About turns. Doing one thing and meaning another. Those are staple ingredients in becoming entangled with our type. Of course the Lesser and the Mid-Range of our kind do not see the contradictions. To them, their behaviour makes absolute sense even though when it is viewed from your perspective there is a clear contradiction in what has been said or done.

This naturally frustrates, upsets and infuriates you as you attempt to make us see that you are correct and we are not. Or to make us see that we have behaved in a contradictory or hypocritical fashion. You will not succeed. The Lesser or the Mid-Range does not do this deliberately, it is just how they are. The Lesser reacts. The Mid-Range realises that denying and deflecting what you are trying to get him to see causes more upset and frustration and that makes him feel good.

He does not know why this is, he does not know the concept of fuel, but he knows the more you react the better he feels. He also knows that he does not like to be held to account or to be seen to be the one who is to blame, for anything, thus he will not accept any suggestion of contradictory behaviour because it is inherent with such an accusation that there is blame attached.

The Greater knows that to twist, to turn, to shift and to alter allows the emotional responses to flow and to become heightened. He knows that what he does is viewed as contradictory but he will not accept it. He must portray control and superiority at all times otherwise he will find himself damned. He revels in switching from one position to the other, within moments and then seeing if you dare to point out this shift in stance. Should you do so, he will deny and deflect in order to frustrate you, to upset you and to alarm you.

The use of volte faces is part of the process of gas lighting also. An insidious and effective method of controlling you, eroding your sense of perspective and forcing you ever backwards until ultimately you know nothing other than our warped truth, yours having been dispelled some time ago. Making you a stranger to your own reason is evidence both of our power and our abusive behaviour. Thus the use of contradictory behaviour, the volte face, is prevalent when we commence the devaluation. Here are five you may know well.

  1. The Joy Has Gone

We once showed such enthusiasm for Indian cuisine and would often try to find the latest and most exciting restaurant for us to both go to. It might have been the zealous delight we exhibited at the prospect of going hill-walking with you, or discussing the latest production at the local theatre. You loved how we connected over these shared interests. Of course it was all mirroring. We love what you love. Now there is no need to do it anymore. We care little for Indian cuisine but since you loved it so much, we decided to do so as well. Hill walking is tedious. The only thing we liked was being on top of the world. As for the theatre, if we have to sit through another obscure play we will explode. Still it was worth making you think we loved all those things as it made you easier to bind to us. Keep listing everything you think we have in common and I will pick that list down to nothing.

  1. The Compliments End

I embedded you as the supply of my positive fuel and you functioned well so you earned those further compliments. Now there is no need to provide them. Oh I am aware that you look even better than you did when we first met, that you are trying hard to tease the compliments for me in order to try to stave off that nagging fear that you are losing me, but it is to no avail. I know you are trying your best to please me, accommodate what I want but all I now look at is someone who irritates me. You see, if I had loved you like someone healthy, I would not feel like this now, but because I never did, there is nothing to prevent the feeling of contempt and annoyance which washes over me each time I see you. But where are the compliments? Somebody else has them now.

  1. A Sudden Realisation

Do you know something, I love my ex. I do. You have made me realise this. I thought I did not know what love was until I met you (I vaguely remember saying something like this to you some time ago) but come to think of it, I knew all along and it is my ex that I love. Not you. Thanks for the distraction whilst I worked things out. What? I said she was abusive and a psycho? No I did not. There you are, you have just proved to me why I cannot love someone like you. Good bye.

  1. But You Thought I Hated That

Why have I gone to that classical concert when I said to you that I could not stand classical music. I don’t recall saying that. Stop trying to tell me what I like and do not like. You are so controlling. I have always enjoyed reading books, where on earth did you get the idea from that I did not. Yes, I love strawberries, they are delicious and I love eating them, I never told you I was allergic to them. Stop making things up. You need some help. You keep twisting things around and I don’t like. it There you are. That is something I hate. What you do.

  1. The Sudden Complaints

Must we really go to your parents this weekend? So what if I have never complained about it before? That doesn’t matter. I am doing so now because I want to isolate you from them. I suspect they do not like me and I am not going to let them put ideas in your head, so they have gone on the black list and I will now issue complaints about seeing them in order to drive a wedge between you and them. The more isolated you become the better. I will start to complain regularly in order to stop you doing things and in order to upset you. That is the way I operate now. Don’t you dare complain about it.

15 thoughts on “The Narcissist and U-Turns

  1. OiOiOi says:

    I have only one thing to say: you turn if you want to. The lady’s not for turning.

  2. psychologyandworldaffairs says:

    I thought about this – I guess it depends how extreme.

    The Joy Has Gone
    I wouldn’t care if he decided he preferred a different food. People tend to go through phases. I did miss our deep discussions tho.

    The Compliments End
    I do not look for compliments and might not notice. Criticising things he said he liked about me is slightly different.

    A Sudden Realisation
    Thankfully never happened.

    But You Thought I Hated That
    I would point it out sure – I would be puzzled. I might question the sudden change. It would be more of a shrug…if you say so type thing. People can change their mind. I am not fond of classical music – but who knows, perhaps one day I will go to a concert and love it. I do not listen to opera – but did go and see one and enjoyed it. I love ballet.

    The Sudden Complaints
    Not wanting to go to my parents = fine he does not need to go. Does not want to do things = fine he does not need to. I do not need him to want to do the things I do. Just as I do not expect to do the activities I do not want to do.

    Obviously these are only examples HG uses. I think the difference is in the delivery. If someone says – yes I hated strawberries but tried one the other day and found I actually liked them now – is different to = Yes, I love strawberries, they are delicious and I love eating them, Stop making things up.

    Or = I did some research and because of it changed my mind on the subject – this is my reasoning…

  3. Joa says:

    Unfortunately, in the long run, this behavior causes the person not to be taken seriously.

    And although I do not want to make this person sad or embarrassed, it is not always possible to hide disregard for what such a person says and does … 🙁

    —————

    I value people who are as sure as oak. Unchanging. For which I can guarantee.

  4. SParham says:

    #4 had driven me bat-shit-crazy. Leave it to a narc to change their minds daily. 🙄

  5. A Victor says:

    It just occurred to me that I saw this very frequently in the relationship between my parents, one would do a complete about face on the other, leaving each other always unsure of what was “real”. Being that both were/are narcissists, I suppose none of it was actually real. But, they both had the black and white thinking, if one said something, 40 years later it was still thought to be true, and then the u-turn would happen. It is comical now, it was not so much at the time.

    1. Eternity says:

      Wow, I pretty much experienced all of this. Now my ET is going up again. I need to tell someone off. Maybe I shouldn’t have read this.

      1. A Victor says:

        I’m sorry Eternity! I didn’t intend to cause problems with my comment! Please, tell me off, I’m safe, then maybe you’ll feel better.

        1. Eternity says:

          A Victor , why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong. Plus why would I tell you off ? You have been so nice! I just thought of a few things I could have done different in my life .this article triggered it .I am fine now . Thank you

          1. A Victor says:

            Oh good Eternity, I wasn’t sure why my comment might have triggered anything but who know, our emotions can go haywire over odd things! And I just figured if you let it out on me, I can take it, and I understand the frustration. Better me than breaking NC to tell him off, just say what you would to him. Is not the same though, not the same satisfaction as letting them have it. Haha.

            I’m glad you’re doing better, that’s what really matters. .

        2. Eternity says:

          A Victor , I am replying to this comment. Sometimes our emotions can definitely go through the roof that is for sure ! I haven’t broke NC for awhile now so all is good in that aspect i think I am finally ready to 100% move on my life I have healed now.

          1. A Victor says:

            Hi Eternity, I think WP is playing games with us again, I just saw some of your comments to me. I am so glad for you to be in that place, feeling healed and strong. That is really great! You deserve to have a wonderful happy narc-free life!

      2. Asp Emp says:

        Are you ok, Eternity?

        1. Eternity says:

          Asp Emp, I am good, it’s just that this article brought me down memory lane that’s all.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Eternity, that is good to know. It passes. You have done fabulously well, Eternity. Kudos to you 🙂

        2. Eternity says:

          Asp Emp am replying to this comment . Thank you ,we need to do what is best for us because no one will.

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