5 Reasons It Cannot Work With The Narcissist : The 5 Howling Wildernesses


Five reasons it cannot work

1. Nothing about the golden period is real

It feels like every day is summer doesn’t it? Warm and wonderful. No rain clouds anywhere, just a cornflower blue sky. Not a cloud to be had. Everything is fantastic. We do everything together. We match on every conceivable level. I like what you like. We laugh at the same things. We enjoy the same books and films. I know what you are about to say. We like to cook together, try new wines and explore interesting places. Whether it is forest or foam, city or village we both enjoy going to these places and do so together. We are soulmates. I do not want anyone but you. You have finally met the person that you have wanted all of your life. You still cannot believe how lucky you are to have found someone like me, someone who cares for you, holds you, loves you and showers you with attention, praise and affection. What would you do without me? You struggle to even remember what life was like before I appeared, shiny and exciting. You never want it to end and you allow this golden effect to permeate deep inside you, touching every part of you. Every fibre of your being is coated with my golden touch. None of it is real. You have spent all your time looking at a mirror whilst wrapped in an illusion. I was never any of those things. I just showed you wanted you wanted to see, said what you wanted to hear and did what you wanted to experience. I am a con-man, a charlatan and a fraudster who trades in fake love and steals your true love. I am not what you think I am, I never was and I never will be.

2. Nothing is ever good enough

How soon the golden and glistening empire rots and rusts, those gleaming towers of glass and chrome shatter and crumble. What once seemed like it would stand for a thousand millennia has come crashing down. You scurry left and right, attending and caring, working yourself into a frenzied confusion as you try to hold it together. You cannot accept that this is happening and you try your utmost to stop the cascading stone and the splintering timber but it is an impossible task. You can no more prevent this edifice from tumbling to the ground than you can hold back the tide. The manifestation of this crumbling empire and your frantic efforts to rebuild it comes in how you try and try to please me. You give more of yourself each day in your desire to salvage what you understand, wrongly, to be us. You steadily erode your integrity in a bid to please me, make me happy and do whatever it takes to make things good once again. Each time you think you have got there, the bar is raised higher and then higher still. You keep giving and I keep taking. What worked last week is now scorned. What made me tell you that I loved you a month ago annoys me instead. I no longer want to be with you or be touched by you. No matter how hard you work, cook, clean, tidy and care. No matter how much effort you put into maintaining your figure, dressing attractively and taking an interest in my day, you are only ever met with scowls, scorn and abuse. You do not give up, not yet, but you fail to realise that this is a hole which can never be filled.

3. Nothing stops the games being played

The tears in your eyes will not abate the cruelty. The soft glistening tears which roll down your cheeks only appear as blood to the cruising shark. A green light to continue with the denigration and vicious nastiness in order to provoke more emotion from you. Today is a day of silence. The shoulder cold and brutal as you try to fathom out what is wrong and what you have done. Tomorrow is all smiles again although you are none the wiser as to what has happened to change that but by sundown you will be traipsing to a cold and empty bed as I vanish once again. I sit in my chair seemingly staring into nothingness but I am mentally flicking through my Devil’s Toolkit as I consider my next move. I arrange the pieces, you, my friends, my family, your friends, the neighbours and the man in the sandwich shop. All of you pawns on my giant chessboard as I decide where you should go. You try to learn the rules, to stay onside and avoid transgression but these games are played with just one rule. There are no rules. I revel in my gamesmanship as each day I deploy a new machination against you. These games will tear you apart and you can never hope to win at them.

4. Nothing surpasses fuel

Everything revolves around obtaining fuel, from you, form him and from her. It is a ceaseless quest for my lifeblood which ensures that I am always on the hunt. Restless until I find sufficient fuel and then planning the next move, this need comes above all else. Events are disrupted, dates are delayed, birthdays are ruined and anniversaries forgotten all in order to acquire my fuel. Your needs are placed way below mine, for fuel is everything. I have no responsibilities save the acquisition of fuel so children, jobs, money, health and harmony are all left at the wayside, neglected and abandoned to enable me to pursue the only thing that truly matters to me. I will do anything, say anything and be anything to obtain this fuel. Fuel makes me hurt you, fuel makes me seduce your best friend, fuel makes me fire the nice guy in the office, fuel makes me take centre stage at get togethers. Fuel is all.

5. Nothing will ever change.

There are those of my kind who know not what they are and any such attempts to pin them with the blame of awareness will be resisted with the speed and instinct of pulling your hand away from a flame. They do not know what they are but they know that you are the enemy, seeking to foist change when it is not needed, a part of your attempt to control them and punish them when they have done nothing wrong. Change is not needed and will never happen with them. Those of us who know what we do see no reason to change. We are conquerors, pioneers, leaders and ubermensch. We are supreme beings and we are always right. You make the changes to yourself and fit in with my new world order. I am mightier than you. This all works for me so why should I change? I am not required to change, I am the decider, I am not the one who is decided upon. I rule. I am not ruled. This is how it is and it shall always be the case. Deal with it. I will not change and I cannot change. I know what I am but I choose this, who would not do so when you are as triumphant and brilliant as I am?

Nothing will ever change.

Besides, we cannot stand change.

17 thoughts on “5 Reasons It Cannot Work With The Narcissist : The 5 Howling Wildernesses

  1. Another Cat says:

    I am truly baffled at how some few people can live for decades with a narcissist, without getting cancer or dementia, etc by all the stress from the spouse’s constant weird abusive behaviours and daily dominant bodylanguage.

    I understand the Queen made it for 70 years. And there was a ruling political couple in my country where I understand she was a Greater narc and he was a Nonnarc.

    He lived until he was 87. She died the year before. So unusual.

    HG, they wear us out; I notice the spouse of a married/living-together narcissist, almost as a rule, if they were the same age, passes away way before the narc. Have you also observed this?

    1. HG Tudor says:


    2. A Victor says:

      Years prior to knowing about narcissism I had noticed that the kinder spouse always seemed to go first, sometimes many years before. Now I think they were often narcissist/empath dynamics probably.

      1. Another Cat says:

        “prior to knowing about narcissism I had noticed that the kinder spouse always seemed to go first, sometimes many years before.”

        Wise. It does wear one out through the years, doesn’t it, that odd, dominant constant daily bodylanguage. Especially if the person is not beating you or giving any bruises. I guess most longterm IPPSs simply believe there is something wrong with their own perception. That’s what I believed.

        I sometimes google for scientific papers like “Stress causes cancer” or “Stress causes dementia”, some correlation statistics just to maybe find out a bit about how severe the longterm dynamic can be between narcissist and empath.

        1. A Victor says:

          Either their perception or their attempts, I always just tried harder. Sad. For all of us.

  2. A Victor says:

    Narcissist’s can’t stand change, but, all they do is change things, and confuse us by doing so.

  3. Duchessbea says:

    Maybe this is just me, but just wondering if anyone else had ever noticed that when you start realising and noticing something is off with the narc, and start to really watch the behaviour of the narcissist, not only do you see a distinct lack of the person that you met, but also an immaturity? Did anyone else think or feel the same?

    1. Bubbles says:

      Dearest Duchessbea,
      Hell yes …. the big stand out for me is, ‘common sense’
      We all have our own little idiosyncrasies, however, with narcs, chuck in more than the norm
      Family n friends have expressed all my narcs as “being a bit weird”. Come to think of it, I’m getting a few more idios with age
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. Duchessbea says:

        Dearest Bubbles,
        Very much agree about the common sense or lack thereof.
        Bubbles, I doubt you have any idiosyncrasies at all. You are always lovely here and I can only imagine if I knew you properly in person, you would be even lovelier.

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest Duchessbea,
          Awwww, thank you kindly, what a sweet thing to say, that’s so nice of you ☺️
          Just ask my kids, they’d give you an extra long list. Mr Bubbles definitely has a list 🀣
          Here’s one I’m very aware of, I talk to my mum’s cats over the phone 😹

          Mr Bubbles and I repeatedly ask ourselves on many occasions with regard to our narcs “well why didn’t they do that instead, it’s just plain common sense”

          We are definitely blinded by their immaturity until it becomes apparent we know what we’re dealing with. Often I’m speaking to mum as if she were a child. Just bought mum a new easy to use washing machine, 3 simply steps …. that’s all it is. Nope, doesn’t get it. I have to take pictures of everything she has in the house, so when I’m on the phone I can talk it thru with her step by step. She hasn’t used the washing machine all week! Next breath, she informs me of all the ‘adult’ things she’s done …. one just can’t win !!!

          I used to ask the weasel “why did you do that?” His standard answer “I don’t know”

          Our greater friend …… he denies, deflects, claims it didn’t exist and says we don’t know what we’re talking about………. so childish, yet so typical and predictable

          I think I’ll stick with talking to the cats πŸ˜‚
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. Asp Emp says:

        Bubbles……”Family n friends have expressed all my narcs as β€œbeing a bit weird”. Come to think of it, I’m getting a few more idios with age”….ah, thank you for making me laugh. I would be so inclined to agree that I am, too,….getting more ‘idio’ as I get older – nah, I am not one to “grow old gracefully” πŸ˜‰ (laughing).

        1. Bubbles says:

          Dearest Asp Emp,
          I’m with you, I’m growing old DISgracefully, by having fun, rather then being an old boring grumpy fuddy duddy stick in the mud ……..woooohooooo !!!!
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Hello Bubbles…..laughing…..I’ll never be a boring old woman…..I’ll be annoying the fk out of narcissists in supermarkets (let’s put it that way) πŸ˜‰ (ok, ok, HG, relax, I know it’s not good advice to myself πŸ˜‰ ). Continue to be yourself is the right way to go πŸ™‚ xx

    2. lickemtomorrow says:

      DB, it amazes me how I tolerated that element of immaturity, especially during my last entanglement. I knew it was immature behaviour from the get go, but I added my own element of immaturity by not dealing with it for what it was. That is what gets me the most. I let him get away with it. I let him talk me out of seeing it for what it was – childish tantrums. There was a maternal aspect to the relationship in that sense. Maybe a part of me knew in some sense I was dealing with a child, but I continued to indulge him. It’s a very odd dynamic.

      So, I can second the element of immaturity, and certainly once the rose coloured glasses are removed there’s a much better chance of seeing it.

      1. Duchessbea says:

        Thank you for your comment. Sorry you had to deal with the childish tantrums. I very much agree when the rose coloured glasses are removed you see things so much clearer.

  4. Whitney says:

    HG the Saviour and God,

    He went on holiday with the upper lesser. 1 week voluntarily, the 2nd week captive. The upper lesser was driving and said “I don’t have a job so I wanna keep going”.

    Anyway, now he’s back and he’s acting like the upper lesser. Talking compulsively to strangers to make “contacts”. He said he gets a “rush” from it. We know what that means.

    Is he manic?
    My real question is, why is he acting like the upper lesser? Is this an example of character trait acquisition? He has no real self, so he puts on other people’s personality?

    You don’t do that HG, you are very steady. You are unique. You have a purpose, a legacy.

    I’m trying to prove or decipher if he really is a Narcissist, and if I believe in narcissism. That’s why I’m asking.

    I wish I had your mind HG

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Many do Whitney, but it belongs to me.

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