How Your Emotional Thinking Causes Excuses

 

HOW YOUR EMOTIONAL THINKING CAUSES EXCUSES 

THIS IS A KEY ARTICLE IN TERMS OF BOLSTERING YOUR UNDERSTANDING.

The fact for so long you had no idea what you were dealing with resulted in you engaging in an anticipated behaviour. This behaviour is one which we regularly rely on in order to keep you in the dark. I have made mention of the various traits which we look for in those who make the most useful victims to us.

One of those traits concerns your ability to try to find the good in everyone and everything. This is a typical empathic trait and along with all of the others which you possess causes you to flare up on our radar when we are seeking an excellent primary source. Your desire to see good means that it obscures your ability to see the bad or perhaps more accurately, to accept the bad.

This is how your emotional thinking once again cons you and causes you to fail to see what is really happening, how you make excuses for the behaviour. Your emotional thinking craves the interaction with us, it is selfish and wants to experience all of the ‘good’ which flows from us and to convince you to ignore the bad. Your emotional thinking does not want you to acknowledge what is really going on and exit the relationship.

Your emotional thinking wants to gag logic so it cannot be heard and cause you to overlook the bad in the hope of recovering the good once again. Thus, your emotional thinking will make you issue excuse after excuse for what we do, so you remain invested in the relationship with us.

Accordingly, your emotional thinking continues our control of you. It is those who are empathic who suffer from this effect from their emotional thinking. They are convinced to consider their action as selfless, a reflection of how they wish to see the ‘good’ in people, how they make allowances and are tolerant – but when you are ensnared with our kind, all that is happening is that you are being prevented, by your own emotional thinking, from seeing what is truly happening and this is to your detriment.

Of course, at the time it is happening, you cannot see it happening because your insight is impaired by the emotional thinking. Occasionally, logic might just make itself heard (only to be ignored) as you notice that a certain behaviour is not acceptable but your emotional thinking rises once again and swamps that logic before it can gain a foothold in your mind.

Emotional thinking whispers that excuse for you and it is easier to accept that than go along the rocky road of logic. Thus, your emotional thinking keeps you blinded to the truth and it is only later when you have been punched in the face by the gauntlet of brutal honesty that you finally pay heed to logic and with hindsight realise how you have been conned. It happens over and over again and is all because of your emotional thinking gaining control of your thoughts.

This is something we desire because it prevents you from truly recognising what it is that is happening to you once your devaluation has begun. We of course love to operate from a position of plausible deniability, we court ambiguity since we enjoy and need to twist and turn in order to achieve what we want.

If you saw everything as stark and clear as I now describe our machinations to you, you would be more inclined to escape us and bring about that unwelcome cessation of our primary source of fuel. It would also make it harder to apply those hoovers when we wish to return you to the fold and have you engage in our cyclical endeavours once again.

We present you with the truth of what we are on a repeated basis but although we offer it up in front of you, we never let you see it clearly. We draw a veil across certain elements, apply a smoke screen, obscure some parts and distort others. The reality is there before you.

It is evident and plain but because of the way in which we purposefully manipulate you, you are unable to see it. It is akin to us pointing out a ship on the horizon. It is obvious for us to see but when we hand you a telescope to gain a better look at this vessel, the lens has been smeared with something which distorts the view, or we place our finger over part of the lens blocking your view.

The consequence of this distortion is to prevent you from truly seeing what we are. This in turn means that you are unable to form a clear and coherent view of the person which has taken hold of you. This becomes infuriating for others who we have not been able to drag into our façade, but who recognise full well what we are.

These observers tell you what you are dealing with. They may be circumspect to begin with, hoping not to offend your sensibilities but over time their increasing exasperation causes them to come out and say it straight. Yet, such candour rarely finds favour with you because you do not like to be told something about someone as wonderful as us (or at least someone who was wonderful).

You do not like to think that the golden period has gone. You do not like to be deprived of the idea that what you once had will never come back or even that it did not exist to begin with.

Most of the reasons why you think like this is as a consequence of our manipulative behaviour, which further goes to underline that it is not your fault. Even your desire to see the good in people is not your fault either. That is who you are. We know that and we exploit it. It is our fault again but of course in the midst of the battle that we engage in with you, we will never admit that anything is our fault. That will never do.

Thus, your view of us is obscured and because of this you will always issue excuses to explain away our behaviour, our words and our actions. You make these excuses time and time again, to others and to yourselves.

You believe these excuses because this is how you think and you have been led towards this train of thought by the schooling you have received at our manipulative hands and mouths. You also utilise these excuses to continue to convince yourself that the unsavoury elements of our behaviour are just an aberration, on occasional blip in respect of an otherwise magnificent person.

Your charity is amazing and naturally most welcome for through this blinkered approach you divest us of responsibility for the things we do, something which aligns with one of our many stated aims. You prevent yourself from examining further the reality of what has now ensnared you and the repeated application of these excuses keeps you in situ.

We want you to utilise these excuses. We want to hear them. We want them said to us and to others. Your excuses frustrate and alienate those who are against us, your excuses support out manufactured façade and most of all they ensure you deny to yourself that which is directly before you. Here are twenty-five of those such excuses. You will have said them and probably more than once. Understand that each time you utter one you have issued a further death knell for your prospects of escaping us.

  1. He is just tired; it makes him snap.
  2. He doesn’t mean it, not really.
  3. You don’t have to pretend with me, I just want you to be yourself.
  4. He has a lot on his mind at the moment.
  5. Work is particularly stressful for him.
  6. He sometimes has a bit too much to drink, but hey, who hasn’t been there?
  7. I think perhaps I am too harsh on him at times, it is my fault really.
  8. He is in a bad place but he will come through it.
  9. He is a complex person; you don’t understand him like I do
  10. It is just the way he is; I have got used to it.
  11. I know it seems bad but he does so much that is lovely; this is only a small part of what he is like.
  12. Nobody knows him properly, that’s why you think bad of him.
  13. He is a popular guy so he is always going to have women hitting on him.
  14. He has a temper, I know, but that’s part of what he is and it’s not for us to change him.
  15. I need to be more supportive and then he will be better.
  16. He’s not well at the moment but I will help him get through it, you will see.
  17. You’ve only heard one side of the story; he is not like that at all.
  18. Yes, well, his family would say that about him to cover up what they did to him.
  19. All he needs is to be loved and I am the one who is going to do that for him.
  20. You don’t know what you are saying anymore, it is okay, I do understand.
  21. It was a one-off, it won’t happen again.
  22. I know it was wrong but this time he has promised that he won’t do it anymore.
  23. You don’t understand the way that me and him are together.
  24. You are just jealous of what we have. Why can’t you be pleasedfor us, for my sake?
  25. I’m sorry, it was my fault.

Sound familiar?

To understand the origins of emotional thinking, how it operates and most importantly what you can do about it, obtain The Addiction – Triple Package

11 thoughts on “How Your Emotional Thinking Causes Excuses

  1. CandaceMarie says:

    Thank you for this HG. It has come at the right time. I need to read it about 20 more times as my ET has been off the charts lately. Because I feel I am ready for another relationship but dating is not easy, my ET conned me into going on a date with a person I know is a narcissist. Logically I know it but I didn’t want to accept it. Things were going great at first but the red flags were flying high and I made an excuse for every single one. It only took less than two weeks for him to show his true self. I offended him, not trying to, and he yelled at me on the phone. He brought up something that had happened in the past (when we had dated previously) and said I had a pattern of behavior. After the phone call he gave me an absent silent treatment for over a day. At which point I texted him and told him I would no longer be seeing him.
    I have only myself to blame. But in some way I am glad I saw his true self. It was a side of him I had never seen and I never want to experience again.

  2. NarcAngel says:

    We see that which we’re truly looking for.

  3. Joa says:

    I have no excuses for him anymore. I know who he is. I know what he does. I suspect what he’s up to. I know what he is afraid of.

    One more thing only: “You don’t understand the way that me and him are together.”…

    Sometimes I wonder if this blog can help me. I have the impression that I am turning one addiction into another. One obsession with another. I’m not sure it’s safer.

    Yesterday HG posted a lot of posts and videos. Taking care of my own affairs and being in a good mood, I read more posts and listened to films. It is all too close to me. Instead of restraining emotions, they soar upwards.

    It was the first time that reading and listening to what was written here felt like I was in my worst moments with him.

    He was hiding once. Now is different. It deliberately leads to situations where I cannot cover it with my illusions. He goes out of his way to make me see his real face. And when I can’t escape anymore, I can’t protect him, he asks: “Are you shaking?”

    It’s not about shaking with excitement, anticipation, or soaring feelings. He wants me to tremble with fear – not for myself, but for the monstrosity of what he shows, with disgust.

    Only one time, I failed to hide. He called too quickly and checked. I showed nervousness.

    He never succeeded again. Despite the stomach cramps – I can ignore, laugh, pretend I don’t understand. Treat him as normal as a friend. I can control my fear, but there is a moment when it comes to my eyes before I grow taller.

    Yes, sometimes I shake. There’s one thing in particular that causes it, and it concerns his mother. And yesterday I felt the same reading this blog. As if I had been exposed, stripped of illusions, and thus as if I had been brought back from harm, as if the truth had emerged. I was shaking. It wasn’t pleasant.

    I fell down. I have to dig myself out again. And for the first time, he didn’t cause it.

    Yesterday I realized that if he had stood in my door at that moment, I would have been doomed. All that evil, all the darkness that it transmits to me, I would melt away in the only possible way. And at that point, I would probably agree to any kind of abuse. And then I’d be alone with it.

    Poison and medicine.

    Today I am in a mess. But I’ll recover as usual.

    It comforts me that at the moment he does not know what is happening to me. Or at least he’s not sure. I know he will be checking in a few weeks, months. He had done that before. He examines the effect of his actions. He won’t see anything. Only an excel table with billing.

    This blog is not just some kind of reading…

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Joa, it was a good comment to read. I hope you feel better by the time you get this response. I enjoy reading your comments, to see your perspectives on your journey. Thank you for sharing 🙂

    2. Bubbles says:

      Dearest Joa,
      The more you read, the more raw it becomes and the truth is exposed …..Mr Tudor’s blog is extremely confronting and emotionally triggering with a roller coaster ride included as an added bonus
      Once you hit that ultimate peak, you are on your way to recovery
      It saddens me to hear what you are enduring dear Joa, however, you must keep reading in order to break the barrier.
      We have all been there lovely and some continue to be, we will be your shoulder if you need one
      Your in the best of hands with Mr Tudor
      Hugs to you precious, it will get better, the more you know, then you go
      🤗
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    3. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Hey Joa,

      I’m sorry that the blog is cutting close to the bone. I remember saying something very similar myself a few months after arriving here. I thought the blog was making me feel worse and my view on that was that it couldn’t be a good thing and it was time to go.

      Fortunately a number of empaths here advised that that was not a good idea. So I stayed. I’m glad that I did.

      The articles do hit hard sometimes. I think we all have one that particularly reaches us. Mine is ‘Utopia’. It cut too close to the bone. It resonated just a little too deeply. We need to hear it though. We need to be told the truth of things. Cold hard logic. We see everything through an empathic lense. We place our feelings and explanations onto the narcissist and it keeps us trapped.

      Do you have ‘The Addiction Triple Package’ from the knowledge Vault? If you don’t, and you are able to purchase it, I think it might really help. It was the first turning point for me. I would recommend it to every new reader on the blog and I don’t take my recommendations lightly!

      Being here will raise your emotions because HG understands the way we think. More importantly he understands the way his own kind think. So the rise in your emotions, whilst uncomfortable, is worth it due to the understanding you will gain.

      I’m glad you shared your thoughts Joa because it gives the readers here the opportunity to offer support. Many of us have felt how you feel now, it does hurt, it is heartbreaking but it’s a process we need to go through.

      I’ll say to you what a wise and kind empath said to me. “It isn’t time to go yet. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

      Xx

  4. Duchessbea says:

    HG,
    You just blew my mind. Excellent article. Wow. Hit the nail with every paragraph.
    Best,
    DB

  5. SParham says:

    #3 was a big one for me. I don’t like to pretend myself. I don’t know how to be something/someone else nor would I want to try.

    #25 plagued me. I blamed myself for everything. “There’s something about me that causes awful outbursts.” I’m not a prying, nagging shithead. Looking back I can see that it was all about controlling me. I was taken advantage of and manipulated af because I’m too easy going. GOSO will always remain my mantra. I want nothing to do with narcissists. I haven’t crossed the whole ocean of escape yet but my sail is set right. HG you are definitely a wish come true. 💐

  6. Asp Emp says:

    HG’s comment on this article June 2020, I read with interest and have attached the link:

    https://narcsite.com/2020/04/17/how-your-emotional-thinking-causes-excuses-4/#comment-363559

    It is his words in point 1 that I can recognise from time to time when I am ‘triggered’ by either a comment (either my own or someone else’s) and / or an article posted on this blog previously. There are occasions that I have also stated to the effect of ‘just a passing moment’, where the ET raised then it was gone within an instant, or sometimes, very rarely, for longer especially in relation to my past narcissists.

    It is little, yet BIG ‘nuggets of gold’ such as HG’s comment (above link) that has few words yet a lot of meaning when the words are understood after learning to understand what Emotional Thinking is.

    What also occurred to me in relation to Emotional Thinking, is the fact that women also have PMT which would hike up their Emotional Thinking. They also may experience the menopause. It varies from woman to woman. So some may be more affected compared to others. I, thankfully, do not have this ‘issue’. I felt it was worth mentioning here. Why? Because the ‘hormonal’ changes also can affect the thinking patterns, as well as having to deal with the pains that accompany it. I am NOT suggesting that people start saying ‘Oh, it’s PMT’ etc. Sometimes ‘medication’ is prescribed, to ‘aid’ the body’s chemical ‘imbalances’. Yet it does not necessarily assist with Emotional Thinking.

    I also mentioned it because, I have been able to observe my physical health as well as the mental / emotional affects as a result of past narcissist ensnarements and being an ACON. All 3 (physical, mental & emotional) have changed because of using the psychological, the logical application by re-programming the way I look at my past, how it affected me, how I think about myself now (with a ‘blip’ or two, on occasion) and the outer world (environment / other people etc).

    Thank you, HG, with much appreciation from me, for me to find myself and become what I am today. Revolution to the Evolution of Empowered Empaths !!

    1. Joa says:

      Asp Emp, thank you for the comment link. The whole conversation was very interesting.

  7. A Victor says:

    All those onerous excuses, what a waste of time.

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