To Have and To Hold




We marry. Sometimes we keep dangling the carrot of matrimony for the purposes of future-faking and keeping a primary source interested and working hard to keep our favour. Other times it happens quickly in that whirlwind of the narcissistic seduction for the purposes of ensuring that you are bound to us as tightly and quickly as possible so we have the comfort and satisfaction that you, as our wonderful new primary source, are firmly embedded and attached to us.

A swift engagement with the wedding following hard on the heels. It is customary move of our kind to enter into a marriage. We give the appearance of being utterly devoted to you, smitten and with our love bombing and repeated protestations of love and desire it is little wonder that the victim readily says “yes” and has the engagement ring slipped on her finger and the planning for the wedding itself happens minutes later. Marriage is important to the narcissist. Not the actual institution, although we will make a great show of emphasising just how important it is, what it means to us and how we could not wait to get married. All good material for ensnaring the victim and maintaining the façade.

When that day comes, what goes through the mind of the narcissist when he or she is stood before the altar, in a registry office or atop a cliff overlooking the sea in a civil ceremony? What is the narcissist thinking about as the priest or registrar conducts the ceremony? What thoughts percolate through the mind of our kind with the guests all stood behind us, staring in rapt attention and admiration, smiles plastered across faces and the occasional tear trickling from the eye of the emotional onlooker?

What are we considering as the hymns are sung, the readings are read and the service proceeds? I shall endeavour to tell you, from the perspective of a male narcissist by reference to a traditional ceremony. Bride and groom are stood side by side, excited smiles exchanged and eventually the vows are reached.

“I HG Tudor, take you Victoria Tim, to be my lawfully wedded wife.”

I chose her. I chose her above all of the others. She looks amazing but then so she should, for me. I knew she would look so beautiful and all these people gathered here will be looking at her and thinking how beautiful she looks and how lucky I am to have married her. There was no luck involved of course. I planned this and it made perfect sense to marry so she is bound to me now. I don’t mind them all looking because although they might be looking at her, I chose her, so their admiration of her, is actually admiration of me. I am looking forward to walking down the aisle with her.

So many faces and all looking at us. I can barely keep still as it is now, knowing that so many hundred pairs of eyes are fixed on my back, watching us. This is brilliant. I should get married every week. The whole day is about us, but I know it is all down to me. I chose her. I drew her to me. I am the one that created this wonderful union and I get to spend the entire day basking in the glorious attention and well-wishes of the congregation and wedding guests.

Even more of them will turn up for the evening reception. So many guests, but that is what comes of being so popular. I wonder if the Predecessor Primary Source, what was her name again, Wendy, that’s it, I wonder if she turned up. She accepted the invitation. Not that Victoria knows she is a former girlfriend but the pained look and frozen smile that I am expecting from Wendy will give me an extra special boost.

“to have to hold”

Oh she is mine alright and I want to make her happy because then she will make me happy. I do think I have got it right this time. Everything seems so right about her. She lies everything that I like. She is so helpful and caring, I picked very carefully after the disappointment of the others, like Wendy and so on. I should have invited some of the others actually. That would have been very entertaining to see their faces when I walked down the aisle with my beautiful wife. My wife. Mine. She belongs to me alright and this time it is going to work.

I am sure I have selected the right one. I have her and I will have her time and time again. I know how to delight her and she responds magnificently to my touch. Well, to be honest, they all usually do, but this one, more so than the others. Another reason I chose her. Yes, she is mine to have and I am always going to hold on to her. I treat her well. I really do. That’s because I adore her. There are so many reasons why I do. She is clever, she is witty, she is beautiful, she looks after me, she understands what I need. I know that to be the case. This is why I chose her and this is why I married her. You don’t let someone this good wriggle free, so I will indeed have her and hold her Mr Priest, I will hold on to her very tightly indeed.

“from this day forward, for better, for worse”

There will be plenty of better because that is what she and I are about. We fit together so perfectly. My soulmate. I deserve her and she is delighted to have me as her new husband, I know because she has talked of little else since the engagement. It was quick but so what, you snooze, you lose as the saying goes. Yes, lots of better, we are so fortunate to have what we have, more than most people, but then we are not the ordinary people.

I know I have elevated her, but she has accepted that with good grace and enthusiasm, just as I thought she would. She will do as she is told. I was pleased she didn’t go in for that modern rubbish of excluding her vow to honour and obey. If she had resisted that, well, there would have been a problem. I know some couples both say it to one another but I am traditionalist. I wear the trousers. Of course I will honour her, she knows that, but I do not need to say it, besides, I decide what I do, not some vows. Don’t get me wrong, I intend to stick to them, but if something happens, well, I have to do what is right for me.

I am hoping she keeps giving me what I need and that day does not come, but if she does mess up, I don’t think she will, but let’s just say for the sake of discussion and argument that she does mess up, well I will ensure I have other options. I mean, she will be a grade A idiot if she does that, after all, she is getting a great deal with me, but you can’t be a fool and rule it out. Not after what I have seen with the other ones. I do think she is different so fingers-crossed we will not have to go down that route. So, yes I intend to honour her. Obey? You can fuck that sky high! I do what I want. I am the doer, not the done too. Obey? Seriously? That one is for her and believe me she had better fucking comply with it or there will serious repercussions, but hey, I am getting ahead of myself here, I know she will, that is why I chose her.

It is important that she does obey me because that way we stand the best chance of happiness and success. If she obeys me, which I know she will, I will keep her happy and not have to do what I have done with the others. Still, let’s not think about that on a day such as this. I don’t have to obey. She will. That is all that matters.

“for richer,”

No problems there El Vicaro, I have wedge and so has she. That box is well and truly ticked. How much longer will this go on for? I think I will have a cheeky peek over my shoulder. That bridesmaid is rather tasty; Natasha isn’t it? Victoria’s friend from university. She is totally wanting some of me. There we are again, that little grin and the bite of the bottom lip. Oh yes. Well too bad Natasha, this isn’t your gig but if it does go tits up, not that it will, I will look you up, of that you can be assured.

“for poorer”

Not going to happen so no concerns about that. Easy to agree with that one man of the cloth. Come on, when are we getting finished, I want to show off the vintage champagne that I bought. That will impress her old man. He loves that kind of thing. There he is, proud as punch that his girl has been chosen by HG here. Let’s give him a wink. He liked that, winked back. You wouldn’t be winking at me like that if you know what I am going to be doing to your daughter tonight. Hell yeah. Must have laughed then, I am getting a sideways glance from the soon-to-be Mrs HG, give her the smile. There we go, melting straight away. Easy.

“in sickness and in health

Bollocks to that matey boy, who do you think I am? Some kind of fucking nursemaid? She gets ill she deals with it and anyway she can go and see the quacks, that’s why I pay private health insurance. Don’t expect me to be arsing around looking after her though, I have other things to get on with. Of course, it is a different proposition for me. I am in rude health, strong as an ox, fine mind and so on. I don’t get ill. Being ill is for the saps and the weaklings, but if I am hurt, I daresay with me it will be something pretty serious if it going to slow me down, then I know she will run around after me. After all, who wouldn’t. I am worth it.

“until death do us part.”

Absolutely right daddio. That’s the only way she is getting away from me, when either her or me shuffles off this mortal coil. This is for life.

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30 thoughts on “To Have and To Hold

  1. Bubbles says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Thank goodness we are able to reword and write our own vowels these days from the old fashioned antiquated original one, which incidentally was written by a man (Thomas Cranmer, Archibishop of Canterbury, who was sentenced to be burnt to death after being tried for treason ) …..figures 😂
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. WiserNow says:


      Why doesn’t it surprise me that a man originally wrote the traditional wedding vows? …and that he was also sentenced for treason… the irony.

      It makes me shudder when I think that women and children were considered the ‘chattel’ or legal property of a man when married to him in the past. This was actually part of common law and it wasn’t that long ago. I believe the legal definition ended in England and the US in the late 1800s.

      Women were actually considered ‘objects’ or ‘appliances’ under the law. How narcissistic is that?! Thank the Universe we didn’t live back then!

      1. Bubbles says:

        Dearest WiserNow,
        Yes, his treason was for promoting Protestantism, Catholic Queen Mary 1, didn’t like it…..obviously 😂

        ‘Subservient’ is another word
        The woman stays at home and has the babies …….after all, someone has to cook, clean, wash and give sex on demand 😂
        So sad some countries are still dominated by religion, men and living in the past

        The power of religion, certainly have a lot to answer for ….. but of course, they don’t and always pass the blame……hmmmm, that sounds familiar 😂

        WN, I’m too, am so relieved I didn’t live back then …. I would’ve died in childbirth ….. phew !!!!
        The Suffragettes certainly paved the way for us
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. WiserNow says:

          Hi Bubbles,

          These things you have mentioned – power of religion, men expecting women to be subservient, passing the blame – they are all due to narcissism … surprise surprise 🙄

          Overall progress is slow, but I think it’s still evident – one example, as you mention, being the Suffragettes advancing the rights of women. Yes, they paved the way for us. They were wonderfully brave and determined women and good for them. I for one am very grateful to them.

          Progress is possible – as long as we don’t stall and start going backwards instead. Hopefully, there are millions of women and men learning from HG and taking notes, so we should be ok 👍😉😘😘

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dearest WiserNow,
            This 102 year old woman was asked her secret to longevity and happiness
            Answer …….
            by staying single 🤣

            A competition was held for women of the Victorian era giving reasons why they remained a spinster

            1) “Because I do not care to enlarge my menagerie of pets, and I find the animal man less docile than a dog, less affectionate than a cat and less amusing than a monkey

            2) “I am now only a dairymaid, if I married I should be a wife, mother, nurse, housekeeper, chambermaid, seamstress, laundress, dairymaid and scrub generally”

            3) “Like the wild mustang of the prairie that roams unfettered, tossing his head neck, proclaims him captive, so I find it more delightful to tread on the verge of freedom and captivity, than to allow the snarer to cast me the matrimonial lasso ”

            4) For good men are scare, but fools are plenty, that’s why I am single at seven-and-twenty”

            5)”Because men, like three-cornered tarts are pleasing to the eye, but on closer inspection prove hollow and stale”

            6)” Of all the men alive I never yet beheld that special face which I could fancy more than any other”

            7)”John, whom I loved, was replaced in his office by a girl, who is doing the same amount of work he did for half the salary he received. He could not earn enough money to keep a home, so he went abroad; consequently, I am still a spinster ”

            8)”Because (like a piece of rare china) I am breakable and mendable, but difficult to match”
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Bubbles, I loved this – the list, wow, from the Victorian era, is even more interesting. But it also reveals how strong minded some women were at that time, respected by some, loathed by others. I found an article talking about this. There is wittiness in some of the answers. They certainly had smart-mouths back then too (laughing). Thank you for sharing this, Bubbles 🙂

          3. WiserNow says:

            Hi Bubbles,

            All of those sound like valid reasons to stay single 😂 It also sounds like the women who said them may have been ACONs… 🙄😏🤣

          4. Violetta says:

            6) is from Taming of the Shrew. The speaker, Bianca, is probably a mid-ranger. I played her as one, in any case, although I didn’t then have the terminology to know that’s what I was doing. I just decided she was a prissy, manipulative bitch.

          5. Bubbles says:

            Dear Asp Emp, WiserNow and Violetta,
            Sarcastic witticism, strength of character and resilience ……..all the components an empath requires in order to move forward

            I hoped some lovelies would be amused by those quotes as I was hehe

            Regarding the word ‘spinster’….the male equivalent is ‘bachelor’ then when a man starts to go grey, it upgrades to ‘silver fox’

            I also found this interesting tidbit list :-

            23-26 Spinster/Old Maid
            26-29 Thornback
            29-35 Venus Deathtrap
            40-45 Fanged Dowager
            45+ terrified silence, shifting eyes, if you speak of her she will know and she will show you no mercy.

            Now we’re known as the Crazy Cat Lady 😂

            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

            (We just finished watching ‘Harriet’ Tubman ….now there was a determined woman, wow!)

          6. Asp Emp says:

            Bubbles, laughing…..I would not describe that as ‘tidbits’, it may be possible to tame / soothe / feed a wild-cat but they are still a wild cat 😉

          7. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Asp Emp,
            You’re so right …. classic case of idiots keeping monkeys n lions and other wild natured animals as pets
            They deserve what they get !
            Purr purr 😂
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          8. Asp Emp says:

            Bubbles, LOL. AE researches into collars and ‘A Nice Kitty (today)’ on one side, on the other side ‘In Puma Mood (today)’ name tag (laughing).

        2. Asp Emp says:

          Bubbles, The Suffragettes certainly did.

  2. JB says:

    HG, you were once married, can I ask, did your future wife ever discuss the wording of the vows with you? How did she react towards the concept of ‘obey’?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      She accepted it. She recognised obedience has advantages, although evidently she failed to recognise it often enough.

      1. Violetta says:

        But had she been utterly submissive, wouldn’t you have been bored? Nothing to crush.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          She was not utterly submissive as my earlier comment demonstrated.

          1. Violetta says:

            That’s my point. If she wasn’t submissive, she was challenging you, and if she was, she would bore you. It’s no-win.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Should not get involved with a narcissist then, see it is always your fault.

          3. Violetta says:

            Then stop being so charming!

        2. JB says:

          Violetta, it’s definitely damned if you do, damned if you don’t here. I know of at least two narcissists (one of which is my father), who want their partner to have their own mind, and complain if they don’t, but at the same time get stressy when you show it! You just can’t win!

      2. Asp Emp says:

        Oh dear…….

      3. JB says:

        That surprises me, HG. I thought nowadays most people didn’t include the word ‘obey’. I would be terrified I would be held to those words, in a situation in which I wouldn’t want to obey! 😂

        HG, when you say she accepted the word ‘obey’ as part of your wedding vows, do you mean she didn’t really want to agree to those terms, but you told her it was important to you and she respected that (or similar)?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          She understood it was a requirement.

          1. JB says:

            I see. Thanks, HG.

  3. Wendy says:

    Wendy is really stupid for accepting that wedding invitation! This Wendy would never in a million years. Lol

    1. TomMuggeridge says:

      I don’t know, as The Ultra I’m sure HG can be persuasive

      1. Wendy says:

        TM, I’m sure you are right. I can only imagine how difficult it would be to say no to the Ultra, lol.

  4. Jacqueline Rose says:

    “When either her or me” should be “When either she or I”. “not the done too” should be “not the done to”.
    You are literate. I wonder why you left these little Easter eggs in there for us.

    1. HG Tudor says:


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