Shiny New and Improved
Shiny, New and Improved
You messed up. I gave you the world, I really did. I truly gave you everything you ever wanted from someone. I know I did because this is what I always do. I always deliver. You did not though and you let me down. Despite everything I said, everything that I did you failed. Oh I hear you bleat on about how you loved me like nobody else.
You protest about all the things you sacrificed for me, all the things you did for me and how you put me ahead of everything else in order to please me, to make me happy. Stop going on about yourself will you? It is not very becoming. This hysteria surrounding how you pulled out all the stops, gave your all and did everything that I ever asked of you, even doing some things you did not like is pathetic. Ah I see, you complain about it now, but you did not at the time did you, you charlatan? You disgust me.
I am well rid of you and in a way I suppose I must thank you because if you had not failed you would not have made me realise how we did not belong together. I did everything I could to make it work but you let me down. Thank goodness I woke up and saw it otherwise I would still be trapped by you.
You at least enabled me to realise how flawed you actually are and I won’t be making that mistake again. Not a chance of that happening. In fact, as testament to just how wonderful I am and how brilliantly I treat you I have someone else. What do you mean I wasted no time in moving on? Why should I? I am not going to sit around and bemoan how you let me down. That will not serve any purpose and besides I cannot help it if people want to be with me, it is only natural.
Yes I am with Lauren now. She is wonderful. She is everything I have ever wanted and I am her soul mate. I know that we are going to be very happy together now. She is the one. I know I thought that of you, but you misled me. Lauren is not like that. I am moving in with her next week. It makes perfect sense. I want to be with her all of the time. She is beautiful, just look at her, perfectly put together. She is so shiny and new. I am head over heels in love with her, I cannot be apart from her.
Take a look. If you had been more like her then I would not have had to punish you the way I did. That is not going to happen with Lauren. No way. I can only see a bright and beautiful future for us. I hope she falls pregnant soon as our child will be such a wonder to behold. Thank God I did not have a child with you. Imagine that? Good God that would have been terrible having to share a child with a monster like you. Lauren will be a first class mother, we have already talked about it and I can tell that she is keen. She adores me and always will. Not like you.
You had your chance but you messed it up. You only have yourself to blame. Oh I know what you are like, you will try and make out that it was me that was the problem but I know it was you. So do all my friends and yours. Yes I have already spoken to them and they agree that I am better off without you and that Lauren and I are the perfect couple. She always knows what to say you see. She understands me like nobody else does. She gets me.
She is the only one. I bought a new ‘phone with an increased megapixel camera because there will be so many photographs I have to take of Lauren and I. I want all those perfect moments captured so I can show the world how happy we are together. I know other relationships have not worked out but that is what happens when you get duped by harpies. Lauren is not like them. She is not like you. We have booked a holiday away already. Two weeks in the sunshine. We are going to have such a brilliant time being together in paradise.
You can expect plenty of postings on Facebook so feel free to look in on them, I know you will. You can expect all my friends to be talking about us. We are the golden couple. Thank goodness I found her. This is it. This is the one for me. We just fit together. It is as if she knows what I am thinking. She listens and learns and then always knows the right thing to say and to do. It is marvellous and just shows why we belong together. I know you will need to know all of this because, well, I deserve to be happy after what you did to me.
You should be happy for me, you should, that is if you really do love me. You tell me you do but that does not matter now. I have a perfect love with Lauren and this is the one that will last.I imagine we will be married by the summer. It will be a glorious ceremony and she will look absolutely stunning, polished and gleaming, stood just the way I want and looking at me with rapturous adoration.
I could not be happier, I really could not. I have my soul mate, I am her angel sent from heaven to make her happy and I will do that because I am so good at doing that for people. Everything is going to be just wonderful and you had your chance but you blew it. I get so excited when I find someone new and when I know they will be better than you. Someone who puts me first rather than themselves.
Someone who deserves me.
Someone who is not you.
Someone who is shiny, new and improved.
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It is just too funny……..”Robotic vacuum cleaner escapes from Cambridge Travelodge”…..it was eventually found under a hedge….laughing…..maybe it suffered a lengthy ‘The Narcissist’s Reality Gap’?
Earlier this year, I mentioned ‘avoidance’, recently I mentioned ‘psychotic dissociative’ and there is also ‘dissociative identity’. Hmmm, to, me, all these are basically the same “condition” – dissociative – that are on the same spectrum but varies in severity. This is a classic example as to why people are ‘issued’ different labels. In saying that, as far as I am concerned, it is ‘cluttering’ up the DSM lists. Unnecessarily.
(yes, I am ‘wearing’ my Machiavellian face).
November 2020 https://narcsite.com/2020/11/17/shiny/#comment-387333
Hmmm. I used ‘parts’. Not actually ‘correct’. My psychological mind has been ‘re-programmed’ by re-training the way I look and feel about the past, which would also ‘pave’ the way I view things in the present and the future.
Having a small hippocampus does not mean that you cannot learn new things, or educate yourself despite having original memory (and emotional) ‘blocks’.
You have to be ‘open’ to ‘unchain’ your past. Some people cannot ‘make sense’ of their past because they may not have ‘unlocked’ their mind to do so. Some people just cannot do it. Some can.
I did.
Thanks to HG.
Asp Emp, it’s a continuous process for me. I unblock and clean individual segments, but after some time it becomes overgrown with moss again and I start to choke. And I have to go underground and clean again.
But I must admit that each time, better polished 🙂
Narcissus does the biggest purges. Kick to the base. Breaking everything down. And you build yourself anew again. A little different each time. Maybe such general cleaning is needed?
Joa, I liked how you used the word ‘moss’ and going ‘underground’ to clean again – that is a really good way of explaining it. I think you have described it very well when you say ‘a little different’ each time – yes, it is a bit like that. Looking at it differently every time you go ‘underground’ and ‘clean’ a different area of your past, until you recognise how little ‘moss’ there is left. 🙂
Asp Emp, in my case, the moss is overgrown all the time. It is a permanent process.
This moss means new experiences, new perspectives, new thoughts, new insights. They are building up like a crust on the past.
I have to draw this past back, filter it through the moss, redefine it.
And then for a while there is order again, nicely arranged. You can leave it.
Then I anchor myself better and more confidently in the present. And I look to the future more confidently.
Narcissus makes such a mess for me that I have to repeat general cleaning several times 🙂
Timely. He keeps wheeling her out at events I know she must hate but has to pretend to love. I am there like the ghost of Banquo…
Today it hurt me terribly to read it. As if I moved back 16 years ☹
I don’t want to remember this… This, no… ☹
Joa, hang in there x
Take it easy, emotions come and go. Like the sea waves.
There is always sunshine after a rainy day.
Thank you Asp Emp 🙂 🙂 🙂
Joa, thank you 🙂
Joa, going NC would really help free you from this I believe. Including in the sphere of your thoughts. If you have already done so, please forgive me and ignore this comoment.