How The Narcissist Conquers Your Senses To Feed On You


I ensure that through my enthralling enchantment of you during seduction that I create tunnel vision for you. I am all that you see. Not only is it the case because I make it my mission to spend every moment I can with you, but I ensure that I am all that is seen in your mind’s eye as well. If I am not physically present with you then I will have done sufficient during the course of the day so far to have you thinking about me repeatedly. When will I call? That was such a delightful message that I sent earlier? Where will he take me tonight? He makes me so happy, I am so lucky. I will be the only person in your sights. You will allow friendships to fall by the wayside, not see family as often and even begin to neglect your interests possibly even work in order to see me. You want to look on me all the time because the love and radiance you see (which is actually just being mirrored back towards you) is so magnetic, so compelling and utterly addictive. You will stretch that lunch hour from work to spend longer over lunch with me. You will cancel that gym class tonight so you can see me rather than wait another day. You will cut short drinks with friends so you can get across to my house so you at least have part of the evening seeing me. All you will see is me and all you will see is how good, wonderful, amazing and brilliant I am as I carefully apply that rose-tinted filter across your eyes and you will not even notice.

Even when I have cast you aside or if you have been able to escape me, my construction of the ever presence will result in you seeing me everywhere around you. You see my ghost at the window, where I would stand looking at the view as I waited for you to get ready before going out. You see me lying on the bed, patting it and inviting you into it for another ecstatic session of love-making. You see me across from you at the dinner table, walking up the drive way and in that usual seat on the tube which is where we first met. You pick up a book and see me reading it, asking your thoughts about it. You pick up a jumper and it is blue, my favourite colour and you see me once again. I have infected anything and everything around you as I ensure that I am seen everywhere you look. Even closing your eyes is no escape, for then, perhaps more than anywhere else you still see my image pin-sharp and evident.

I make sure that I am the only voice that you hear. Not only do you feel that tingling sensation when I whisper in your ear, tell you rude things down the telephone or read that particular piece of poetry that you love – all acts designed to have you respond automatically to the sound of my voice – I am ensuring that I am blocking out the sounds from any competitors or detractors During seduction I only want you hearing my voice. This has two effects. Firstly, you are listening to my propaganda all of the time and with no dissenting voices able to get through to you, you accept what I say and do so quickly. Secondly, I am causing, through repeated reinforcement, you to become addicted to the sound of my voice. You will associate hearing me speak and especially saying your name with something that is wonderful and this increases the potency of your addiction to me.

I will use music specially to create so many links between you and I. Each special moment that we share should have its own particular soundtrack. The first meeting, the first time I gave you a lift in my car. The first time we made love, the first meal I cooked for you and the first you cooked for me. The time we sat and watched a storm together, holding hands. Music plays a huge part in assailing your sense of hearing and creating powerful connections between the beautiful things we once did together and certain pieces of music. We will ensure our relationship has catch phrases so that when you watch an advertisement you hear my voice saying the same sentence as I did when we were together. Every time there was a knock at the front door, I said the same thing and it made you laugh no matter how many times you had heard it. Now, when there is a knock, even though I have gone, you hear my voice. No matter how hard you try to evade hearing my voice or hearing the sounds that are inextricably linked to many moments in the relationship that we had, you will continue to be assailed by them even when I am no longer stood beside you or in a relationship with you.

I apply my scent, like some beast marking its territory, ensuring that during the seduction certain smells – my after shave, my anti-perspirant, my shower gel, the washing powder I use, the air freshener in my house are all direct links to me. The olfactory connection that I establish is a unique code between you and I. For each relationship I create a different set of fragrances so that there is not just one reminder of me but six. I smell so good and I reinforce this by allowing you to keep a shirt of mine imbued with my scent when I am away so that you can sniff it as you lie in bed. It seems such a delightful gesture of mine, so that you have something to remind you of me when I am on a business trip but I am creating your addiction through your sense of smell and paving the way for you to be unable to smell sandalwood in the future without thinking instantly of me. You will associate so many smells with me, from personal fragrances, to the smell of my house, the interior of my car, the meals we take together and so forth. It is all designed to ensure that you make the connection between the wonderful and that fragrance during the seduction so that you cannot do anything but remember those golden moments when you happen to smell a particular scent at a later stage. It is the most powerful evoker of memory.

I will use taste to create yet more fantastic bonds between us. I will encourage you to try different foods, different dishes at restaurants that you will enjoy. I will introduce a signature drink to you, something that you have not had before, so that you really enjoy it and immediately associate its tangy taste with me. You will recognise and become swept away by the taste of my kiss. A wonderful and mesmerising taste which sends you into sensory overload, making you tremble with anticipation. I ensure that certain tastes will be linked to those wonderful moments and memories. You are not that special however as these tasting techniques will have been used with others and will be used with others again.

Finally, you will crave my touch and want to touch me. The times you felt the stubble on my face with your hand, or against your cheek as I gently kissed you as you dozed. You delighted in the sensation of defined chest as your hand brushed across it. The times you would always allow your palm to stroke my newly shorn hair, the short and soft hairs gracing your hand. How you felt so safe when you felt my arms around you at night or when I took your hand in mine, telling you without saying anything that everything would be alright. How you now miss my expert ministrations as my tender fingers probed and caressed finding all the right places, creating another scintillating experience that now with my departure you still yearn for. The way I placed my hands on your shoulders when I arrived from work and approached you from behind, the reassurance, familiarity and strength flowing from me to you as sat down you tilted your head against my arm and my fingers began to massage your shoulders. The way I used to wipe the tears from your eyes with my mouth, the delicate application of my lips soothing and absorbing the source of your woe. The times I would tickle you until you could not breathe but the delight soared inside of you. How you now miss touching me and being touched by me.

I will always fill up your senses so I become your universe. I will always fill up your senses so that even through the numbness I leave you with, you crave seeing me, smelling me, hearing me, touching me and tasting me. I fill up your senses and then take it all away making you crave the return to such a degree that it is not a question of if, but when, I shall allow you to be filled up once again.

21 thoughts on “How The Narcissist Conquers Your Senses To Feed On You

  1. NarcAngel says:


    What do you mean by “as empaths, we have the ability to refill ourselves from within”?

    1. Duchessbea says:

      Energy drainers suck the life and energy from within. You feel it instantly when talking with or are around someone who is an energy drainer. You have to replenish. We have the ability to refill ourselves of energy and zest. Narcissists/Energy drainers are empty on the inside when they meet you, when they are with you and when they leave you. No matter how hard we try to give them everything, we drain ourselves of everything as they are nothing but an empty shell. They will always be empty. It’s sad.

  2. njfilly says:

    Years ago I read a book, “The Art of Sexual Magic”. This is how it’s done. By using and activating all the senses in your encounters, especially your sexual encounters.

    Preparation before the encounter is very important. Setting the stage. Evoking a mood. As well as preparing yourself mentally, and physically by preparing your body. View the preparation, and the act as a ritual that encompasses the heart, mind, soul, body, and emotions. Your lover will never forget you.

    I enjoyed my sexual rituals very much. I was very good at it, too. I do many things in my life in a very ritualistic, ceremonial way. It is the way many things should be done. Don’t take things for granted, and take them seriously. For me, this is not about acting. It is my reality.

    Once again I see the similarities in myself to narcissists.

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Hello NJF, I hope you are doing ok 🙂

      1. njfilly says:

        Thank you Asp Emp.

        I hope you are well.

    2. Joa says:

      njfilly, I haven’t had time to write before, but I wanted to write something very similar.

      This article is significant to me, because it was he who brought me to this blog. In some Polish forum about narcissism, I read a statement from a girl, who recommended HG and described his “tricks” as something amazing. I thought: “Ooh, I have to check it out. A man who acts just like me.” 😊 And that’s how I found myself here.

      I have already written several times, that often what HG writes very much resonates with my thoughts. HG describes himself and I see myself in it. As if someone had written down my own thoughts before. This is a very strange feeling 😊

      I have never read any tutorials, I have not relied on any seduction techniques. Maybe with the exception of dozens of masterpieces of French classics, which are soaked with it and which in my youth I devoured with a flushed face, one after the other, one after the other. In addition, a classic of Russian literature, which is strongly psychologically embedded and offers contradictory emotions (love – hate, black – white). And there are also German classics (logical-psychological). I think that the literature I read shaped me to a large extent, but at the same time caused me a little bit of damage.

      Everything I am interested in, including love and sex, I soak my senses. I like this version the most. This is downright obsessive. I does not pretend. I don’t think about it. It just comes naturally out of me, that’s who I am. Certainly, the presence of a narcissist enhances this effect. That’s why I like it so much.

      Sometimes I have the impression, that by relying so heavily on my senses, I am seducing myself to a large extent. Smell, music, words, taste – I use it all. When I love and desire – I take care of every little detail. Instinctively. All of this serves the desire for attachment – but at the same time I attach myself.

      It’s still the smell of my own perfume, it reminds me more of sex with “my N” than its combinations of his fragrances 😊 For 13 years I was afraid to use my own perfume, because then I felt so much and wanted this particular person. Years later, I immediately bought my own and his – still mine parfum reminded me more of him (what selfishness!).

      But there is one difference – I distinguish people with my senses. This smell, this taste, this music, these keywords – are assigned only to a specific person. Matched to her.
      Another man – a different set, often completely different, as if I would describe it by smell, taste, meaningful words, a different touch. I do not have too much scope for comparison, because due to my attachment, I am very faithful to a specific person. Perhaps, if the number of men were greater, some things would be similar.

      So, who is who reflects in the mirror? He me or I his?

      I also see a great resemblance to narcissists. So, either I’m a narcissist, or we’re very similar, or it’s just that some people have it, no matter who they are.

      It was me who filled my senses for the most part. I created our rituals. He wonderfully picked up and continued my work. He was like an empty vessel, that I could mold.

      That’s why it hurt so much, when he destroyed it. My own perfect creation…

      Can you love your own self too much? Is it a form of escape? Which of us is the greater narcissist?

      1. njfilly says:

        Dear Joa:

        Thank you for your reply. It was interesting to read.

        I love the way you write. I have read some of your comments on this blog and they are always so poetic and expressive. They resonate with me.

        I think I remember you saying that English is not your native language. I think I can tell by the way you write, as it is often noticeable in non-English speakers. I don’t mean this is an insulting way because on the contrary, when people who are not native speaking write in English it is often more artistic and imaginative than native speakers. Because you are not as familiar with the language, your use of it is more original, and out of the ordinary. You use words in ways not normally used, although not necessarily incorrect. It inspires me to explore my own language more in depth and expand my own literary boundaries. Thank you for that.

        I have many similarities to narcissists. Have you taken the Empath detector consultation and trait detector? I highly recommend them, as well as the other consultation and assistance packages. It was fascinating learning about myself, from the point of view of HG Tudor, which is surprisingly accurate. I do not care to learn about narcissists anymore. They are not worth my time. I only want to learn and understand myself. It is the only thing I can control, and maybe change.

        I learned very early how to seduce men using the senses. It was not my choice to learn this, it was forced upon me, and so I learned. Much of it came naturally because, like you, I just took myself as inspiration and used my own imagination to make the experiences memorable. I did what I enjoyed and what I would want to have done to me. I always tried to make each experience unique, no matter how spontaneous, and never try to recreate any magic that has already happened. You always need to alter something to make it new; to make each experience unique. A recreation never works and is never as good as the original.

        Although I am always faithful when in a committed relationship, I have been very promiscuous throughout my life. I can’t help myself. When I first saw the book I mentioned I was so surprised there was a book on this topic, and it explained what I had already been doing. It explained to me why it worked and helped me to refine some of my ideas, as well as give me a couple new ones! I enjoyed the book, and the experiences, very much. (Well, most of the experiences. The one’s I initiated).

        I use rituals in my life whenever and wherever possible. I have not practiced any sexual magic in a while now. I don’t currently know any men who deserve it.

        Thank you for sharing and I will see you around the blog.

  3. jasmin says:

    And you destroy, throw and give away what remides us of someone else..
    ‘I can help you with..’

    1. A Victor says:

      Wow Jasmin, you are so right! My 2nd ex made me throw out wedding pictures I was saving for my daughter from my first wedding! I hadn’t realized why until now, why was he so threatened by them? I had always found it so odd, he was so confident that I wouldn’t cheat or go back to my first, yet those photos, even in storage, really bothered him. Thank you for answering that for me!

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Interesting to read “My 2nd ex made me throw out wedding pictures”, as you suggest he was ‘threatened’ (to his control). Was he also ‘re-writing’ your history, effectively taking control of you? And also is it about ‘ownership’ over you?

        1. A Victor says:

          Yes, I believe it was all of that. Just as well, I doubt she would want the photos anyway, but I wish that I would’ve understood what was driving his behavior and told him to get out of there! 20/20 hindsight I guess.

          This is interesting. He very rarely was upset by anything. But the more I’m here and different topics come up, the times that he did exert his desires were there and were not done in a healthy manner. I’m going to give this some more thought, for a minute only since dwelling leaves me in a bad place. But I think it might help me see more clearly the mid range set of behaviors. Thank you, you’ve made me think.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            I understand that processing the thoughts on something like this would be difficult to do because of the emotions involved. I found it easier to ‘process’ by not including the narcissist ‘connected’, but by processing the ‘facts’ (ie what we read here on this blog). You can do it, it does take time to ‘register’ and ‘process’. Sometimes it is painful to do but how do you start to ‘move on’ if you do not put yourself through the process? It’s a bit like confronting your ‘demons’ (not the right word but the concept). Stay on the path, AV.

          2. A Victor says:

            That is a great suggestion! Thank you!

      2. Jasmin says:

        You are welcome AV!
        They are simply jealous of anyone else being in our mind/getting our attention. Mine destroyed, throwed and gave away stuff related to family and friends aswell, not just exes!
        They are the best! (Not) Why would we cheat?

  4. Louisa says:

    Imagine building up one’s connection through scent, taste, music and witty little sayings, how dreadful of the Narcissist to exploit our vital senses of touch, hearing, taste and smell. How utterly deprived and demonic to hook us in under the worst of false pretences, beyond dastardly.

  5. A Victor says:

    You find us full, suck us dry, leave us empty but you are empty throughout, before, during and after. We give all we have to a bottomless pit and no one benefits. What a waste. Sad all the way around.

    1. njfilly says:

      Hi AV.

      Yes, I agree, and it’s very sad.

      At least, as empaths, we have the ability to refill ourselves from within. No wonder they need us so bad.

      1. A Victor says:

        Wow Njfilly, that is a great point! Thank you! Every time it happens though, I think we lose a bit of our life, not only in the time spent with them but also the toll it takes on our body over the course of our life. Life-suckers, that what they are.

        1. Duchessbea says:

          A Victor,
          Thank goodness for meditation, mindfulness and relaxation to rejuvenate and refresh.

          1. A Victor says:

            And grandchildren! 😊

        2. njfilly says:

          Yes, they suck. Ha ha!

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