Dr E explained that he wanted to discuss with me the issue of regret.

“Have you ever regretted anything?” he asked.

“No,” I answered promptly.

“I see. What do you understand by regret?”

“It is a feeling of sadness or perhaps disappointment over something that you have done or failed to do.”

“When have you experienced that feeling?” he asked.

“I haven’t.”

“If I tell you that most people have regrets, which ones would you remember?”

“Which of their regrets would I remember?” I asked. He looked up at me over the top of his red and black note pad and raised his eyebrows.

“I haven’t had any,” I repeated.

“Why do you think that is?”

“Let me see. Probably because I have had nothing to express regret about. The absence of something tends to be the reason why you have not something, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Okay. Now in your many explanations to me you have explained some of the things that you have done. Yes,” he noticed I was going to interrupt him but he kept going, “I know you detailed those at my behest and I appreciate you sharing that information with me. Those acts of commission and omission led to people feeling angry with you, hurt and upset. Would you agree?”

I nodded.

“Okay. Now I would suggest that one might feel regret at having caused those people to feel that way. Would you agree?”

“You might feel a sense of regret Dr E but I do not.”

“Why is that?”

“Why to which part? Why you might feel a sense of regret or why I do not?”

If he was irritated by my pedantry he was not showing it.

“The latter.”

“Because I am not at fault. In all those instances it is the other person’s fault.”

“How about some examples?”

“Okay. Kate’s dog went missing. Do you remember me telling you about that?” He nodded. “If she had cared for it properly and given me the attention I deserve it would not have been lost. Christopher who was fired from his position, he was incompetent. Emily kept asking me the wrong questions so that is why she was treated in that way. Sophie kept asking me what I was thinking so that is why I lost my temper and smashed her television. As for Paula, she was late so I walked off and left her to find her own way home. Do you want me to go on?”

“No, that is sufficient.”

“If people tried harder, if they were more thoughtful then this would not happen. I can do it so why not they? I will tell you why. They become weak and complacent. They think that they can not invest any energy into our relationship, whether intimate or not, any longer. If you do not feed something it will wither and die. They brought it on themselves and they are the ones at fault. My reaction was perfectly natural. I was entitled to respond the way I did. They cannot judge me, they have no jurisdiction to do so, certainly not when they let me down every single time.  They bring it on themselves with their weakness and their whining, their reluctance to do what is needed, what I need. It sickens me doctor, it truly sickens me.

Have you any idea how difficult it is to find someone who retains my interest, someone scintillating enough to match my brilliance?

It is impossible. I try Dr E, I bloody well try to I offer them the world in the hope that just this once they will match my expectations and not let me down.

It always happens. I am always let down. She did it the first time and then it happened again and now it is repeated.

Why? What did I do that was so wrong to deserve being treated like this?

I regret nothing doctor because nothing is my fault.”

29 thoughts on “Regrets

  1. lickemtomorrow says:

    All I can think of is Frank Sinatra:

    “Regrets, I’ve had a few
    But then again
    too few to mention.

    I did what I had to do
    and saw it through
    without exemption

    I planned each charted course
    Each careful step along the byway
    And more, much more than this
    I did it my way”

    My Way – Paul Anka

    Apparently one of the most requested songs at funerals and I’m adding it to my list.

  2. positivefuel8 says:

    In my time I have been called many things; some of which I am proud and others I choose to forget.. Now in truth, I have come to be a wise-woman, and a time may come when these things may need to be known.. What I have learned is that “regret” is a mind construct imposed upon and into the mind by another to play by their rules.

    Usually from an early age when defenses are low. and from my perspective is this if that seed is allowed to take root; it will continue to manipulate the mind in such a way creating neurotic behaviors in that person.
    They become emotional and irrational , almost to the point of hallucination.
    HG shows in his blog with his doctors; that by shifting that dynamic “regret” (weakness) into power (strength) the desire of a strong identity construct” he is not to blame” “its not my fault” is realized; yields great power and is good.. And for myself as a person someone walking the path less travelled; I agree with that philosophy..

    If you were to ask what is Good? it could look to be something like this: All that heightens the feeling of power, the will to power, to create, power itself in man. What is bad: all that proceeds from weakness. What is happiness? The feeling that power increases – that a resistance is overcome…

    As an observer and reader of his work; it is obvious to me that HG Tudor is definitely on track.
    I look forward to learning more…. Thank you HG…..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  3. Contagious says:

    HG what do think about DBT therapy it has a high remission rate for BPD. I read no cure for Narcs. But I wonder if you ever tried it or looked at it. It does not show on your search engine. Lady Gaga for example engages in it daily. It’s expensive not enough trained been around only since 1993.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Pointless, there is no cure.

  4. Chihuahuamum says:

    Narcissists can’t self reflect. I do wonder if they can regret not being more manipulative or regret over loss of control.
    My mother never “admitted” regret, but possibly she does feel it in some sort of twisted way…

    1. A Victor says:

      My mother pretends to feel regret. She has even apologized for her abuse of us, when I brought it up to her once, years ago. But then she turned it back to herself saying, with tears, she was not a good mother. The tears immediately dried up when I responded, “No, in some ways you weren’t.” when she went on the defensive again about how her life was so hard and she was so stressed by my dad over the years she was raising us, blah, blah, blah. She never apologized to my siblings, last I spoke to them about it. It is so fake, her “regret”, it makes me sick.

  5. k mac says:

    You are one fascinating creature sir. I’m sure the good doctors feel lucky to be able to pick your brain in these sessions. Definitely not an opportunity that comes along often I’m sure.

  6. K says:

    This is an extraordinary insight into your mindset and those with narcissism. What about nostalgia? Do you feel that?

    1. FYC says:

      Hello K, How are you? I read a study that claimed that Ns do not experience nostalgia as we experience it. They neither experience the same feelings associated with memories, nor store and access them as others do. They explained N’s have difficulty with accessing and processing and describing past feelings and memories (other than those HG has written about, which serve the N defense construct). However, Ns experience a different form of nostalgia after a person is gone from their life, but not before. Even then, it is not the same type of nostalgia others experience.

  7. Pamela says:

    Hi HG. How are you today?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      All the better for not being you.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        HG, good morning! 🙂

      2. Alexissmith2016 says:

        Hahhaha oh god lol.

        HG, may you tell us what type of N Pamela is at all?

        1. Pamela Swain says:

          Everyone is a narc at some point in their lives. It’s that moment you decide your best interest above others plans for you.

          Have a great day HG. I bet you smell good.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Pammy, you are wrong, no-one CHOOSES to be a narcissist, or an empath. Either you are a narcissist, or normal, or empath. No-one CHOOSES it.

            BUT empaths can CHOOSE to learn to understand about narcissism and also DECIDE to use their new-found education from HG’s work and turn the tables on narcissists they may meet in the future.

            Yes, HG smells great 🙂

        2. Violetta says:


          She’s definitely not a Greater. Despite her history of hurling the coarsest abuse at HG and flouncing off in a huff, she eventually pops back in without apology or acknowledgement and tries to butter him up as if nothing had happened. A Greater might pull this consciously to see if sheer effrontery will win the day, but she is genuinely puzzled that he doesn’t want to kiss and make up.

          1. Alexissmith2016 says:

            Hahah that made me laugh Violeta ‘she’s not a greater’

            Definitely not. I am interested though, what school cadre has the time to waste gaining fuel in such a sad little way.

        3. Truthseeker6157 says:

          She sounds a bit like mine Alexis. MMRB. Taking a wild guess, I’m not great with schools and cadre. Play the odds, Somatic haha!

          1. Alexissmith2016 says:

            Oooh a MMRB yes quite possibly must be either that or maybe a LMR or even a middle lesser?

            I don’t interact with people online enough to have any real idea lol

      3. A Victor says:

        Hahaha, made ne giggle..nice first thing in the morning.

        1. Wendy says:

          Av, me too! 😂

      4. Pamela Swain says:

        Mad at the internet?

      5. Violetta says:

        But HG, she said on “Narcissist Versus Shelf IPSS” that you were friends.

        1. Pamela Swain says:

          It’s one-sided. I’m just a friendly person.

        2. Asp Emp says:

          Violetta, that made me laugh…….starting with “But, HG, she said…..”(sorry, HG, love you really)……

  8. Ellie Simpson says:

    I accidentally deleted your very good email, after I read it, about the stargazer and you staring up at the beautiful night sky from your cabin in the mountains. You described a body of water with a four letter word I never heard of before. It began with a d or b…I think. Could you tell me again? Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You could just read the article again and find out yourself!

      1. Wendy says:

        Lol, but then she wouldn’t get that positive fuel from the Ultra himself.

        I guess she will have to settle for negative fuel for now. Lol

        Empaths and normals like fuel too. Just in a different way than you. 😉

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