The Darkness

 

 

Do you feel the darkness as it coils about you? Do you see those midnight black tendrils as they slither towards you? Do you recognise that encroaching cloak of nothingness as it begins to wrap around you? Do you see how the inky murk blots out parts of your life as your friends become obscured by the gathering darkness? Have you any idea what is waiting for you in the shade as the pools of despair begin to form at your feet? Can you feel the icy embrace as the levels of gloom start to rise, swallowing you up bit by bit? Are you aware of the advancing chasm as it swallows up your family, wrenching them away from you consigning them to oblivion?

The engulfing darkness causes them to vanish and even their desperate cries and shouts become muffled and then extinguished. Do you remember what held your interest before this fog arrived? Can you recall those hobbies and past times that entertained you and gave you a sense of who you were as you enjoyed engaging in them and with other people? Can you or is the fog too thick so that you doubt if you ever did undertake them at all? Have you noticed how the air has become thicker and cloyed with poison or do you breathe it in oblivious to the toxicity that comes with it? Are you aware how the twilight has percolated into your ears so that everything you hear has become twisted and distorted? Do you recognise what is patently before you or do the shadowy shapes and figures make little sense when they once did?

Have you realised that your words have become dust in your mouth as the fur of the darkness fills your mouth and slides down your throat, strangling the sounds you try to make? Do you feel the icy embrace of this impenetrable wall of darkness which advances to you and over you? Do you recognise this glacier of despair as it slides over you, subsuming you and sucking you deep inside, preserving you in a dark, icy tomb? Do you even see your reflection in the mirror anymore or has that become masked in darkness too, the glass dulled so that everything becomes obscured and shows something else entirely?

Do you see those shades which come and torment you, their sinewy fingers pulling at you as they strip you piece by piece of what you are? Do you observe these wraiths as they devour you, sucking what you are into their dark maws? How does it feel as this corrupting night brings permanent darkness to your world? Do you see how nothing grows anymore when touched by the gloomy taint? Do you smell that foul stench which accompanies this unending blanket of murk?

The acrid fumes which waft into your nostrils and eradicate anything sweet and pleasant. Do you notice how your tongue lies flat and useless in your mouth, little more than a cold slab? Do you even acknowledge how everything tastes like ash? Do you feel the leaden weight of this darkness pulling at you, slowing you and seeking to engulf you? Do you recognise how it prevents you from breaking free, this glue-like morass which has fastened on to you and will not yield?

Do you notice the fatigue that now wraps around you, leeching at your energy and vitality? Do you hear anything other than the whispers of malevolent control that rattle about your beleaguered brain? Do you know who you are or has this vast amorphous darkness eradicated your sense of being?

Do you remember what it was to feel uplifted, joyous and happy or have you become accustomed to the flat, perilous embrace of this total darkness?

Do you even feel anything anymore other or has the cosseting black cloud anaesthetised you, numbing and freezing?

Do you feel the darkness? No, you never do.

You never see the darkness until you have seen the light.

 

16 thoughts on “The Darkness

  1. Asp Emp says:

    RE: A Message To Prince Harry : The Darkness (Meghan Markle)

    This video was very good to read, HG. Thank you for doing this (for everything you do).

    Yes, I do remember my ‘darkness’, yet vaguely, as I commented last year https://narcsite.com/2021/07/14/the-darkness/#comment-412125

    HG, I hope Prince Harry sees your work, your words and finds his way to understanding himself and his past.

  2. BC30 says:

    It takes so fucking long to see the light, doesn’t it? Once you’ve seen it, it’s end game.

  3. Witch says:

    So I contacted my maternal grandmother… matrinarc thinks her mother is a narc, so we wasn’t allowed to be close when she was painted black which was often, but she was always nice to me
    I hope this works out guys, no more heartbreak

    1. Leigh says:

      Witch, best wishes! I hope it works out for you too!

    2. A Victor says:

      @Witch, that is a big step. My kids love my mom. They see her failings but, being a bit removed are unaffected, or much less affected, by her bad behaviors for the most part. As such they are able to take the good and leave the bad, she is a good grandma. I hope you have a good outcome, whatever your grandmother is.

      1. Witch says:

        Thank you Leigh and A Victor

        The thing is my mum tells a lot of half truths so I have to find out for myself
        I remember when I mentioned to my mum how she sometimes left us at her mums house and she starts going into one saying
        “when!? When!? When was I ever able to leave you are my mums house, when!?”
        How do I have memories of my uncle bullying me because he was probably jealous as I was favoured by my grandmother if we didn’t go there?

        It was my mum who was probably reluctant to leave us there without her for control reasons but she’s trying to make it out like no one helped her with her kids.
        I heard through my narc sister that apparently my grandmother was giving my mum money to help look after us but my mum has never mentioned this.

        I know my mum was definitely a brat. I witnessed my grandmother take her solid gold earrings out of her ears and give it to my mum because my mum hinted that she wanted them.
        But I never saw my mum do anything for my grandmother- not even a Mother’s Day card.

        There are probably a lot of things I will never really know the truth about

        1. Leigh says:

          Witch, your mom is definitely gaslighting you. She has to maintain the facade of having to raise her children without the help of her mother. You saying to her that you remember being dropped off there challenges her and definitely threatens her control over you.

          You might not get all your questions answered but you will see a bigger picture now and have a deeper understanding. Especially now that you understand narcissism.

          I’m hoping for the best for you!

          If I may ask, how long has it been since you saw your grandmother?

          1. Witch says:

            @Leigh

            Yes she was definitely gaslighting and it was also an example of the black and white thinking of a narcissist. Not being able to accept that only because someone wasn’t available at your beck and call doesn’t mean they did not help you or didn’t want to see their grandchildren.
            it’s probably been about 9-10 years since I last had contact with her

          2. Leigh says:

            Witch, thank you for your reply. I was curious about how long its been since you saw your grandmother because it seems to be a common theme when narcs are involved. I only met my paternal grandmother once and my father didn’t know his father. My maternal grandparents I saw few and far between.

            I hope it goes well for you.

        2. A Victor says:

          @Witch, I can see why you want to find this out for yourself. My mother did the same regarding my dad and who knows who else. I always hoped she’d go first so I’d actually have an opportunity to know him without her presence and voice speaking into it. I am so happy for you to have this opportunity with your grandmother, I hope it all goes really well! So excited to hear, if you decide to share here! You may never know things about the past, but you can going forward! How exciting!

          1. Witch says:

            @A Victor

            Thank you
            I’ll let you know if I have to go crying to HG again for a narc detector 🤣

    3. BC30 says:

      I hope this works out for you!

    4. Asp Emp says:

      Witch, I hope it goes well and turns out ok for you 🙂

  4. doginheaven52 says:

    My life before him remains elusive. I know I was fairly happy and heading in some direction. Today I feel so much sadness and wonder if I will ever have another day of just being. The darkness is deep and I’m afraid I’ve followed the wrong elephant home.

  5. Leigh says:

    I really enjoy your older articles. The last line in this article says it all.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Glad you do so, Leigh.

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