10 Signs You Are Having Sex With a Narcissist

27 thoughts on “10 Signs You Are Having Sex With a Narcissist

  1. leelasfuelstinks says:

    #8 was definitely my ex, even though he was a Somatic.

  2. Violetta says:

    Speaking of which, a blog had a link to a scene from Addams Family Values,” where the family try to free Fester from Debbie’s ensnarement. Made me think of the earlier scene in which she cuts him off from them:

    See “Addams Family Values (1993) – Uncle Fester Wants to Lose His Virginity” on yt:


  3. Joa says:

    In fact, almost everything was used in the various stages of the “relationship”.
    Sometimes in a very tricky way of him.

    But with N2, one point was particularly used. Interestingly, both by him and by me. This is point 8, on controls. I immediately feel the familiar tingling and rush of a hot wave, when I think about it. Yes, I loved bringing him to the point, where he was
    FORCED to give up to me. He, not me. I loved observe him then.

    And while I got burned inside at times, wanting him, I never initiated sex. Not once. Throughout the “relationship”. I did a lot to get sex, subliminal, but it’s HIM had to want it.

    Nobody had influenced me in this way before.

    Sex with him was an invisible battle arena.

    It turned me on very much. Grrr.

  4. Sweetest Perfection says:

    A veggie burger! Hahaha!!!

  5. WhoCares says:

    HG – This really shed an interesting light on how the narcissist views the empath’s orgasm.

    It sure tied up some loose ends for me, with regard to my past ensnarement. Thanks.

    1. jasmin says:


      1. A Victor says:

        Haha Jasmin! Very good!!

        1. jasmin says:

          Thank you AV!

      2. WhoCares says:


        That’s a fantastic word.
        I can’t get my mouth around it.

        1. jasmin says:

          Thank you WhoCares!
          I think it is suitable.😉

  6. jasmin says:

    I was encouraged to offer sex as a reward.
    – ‘You should use your feminine sexual appeal in order to have me doing what you want. You should be smart. For example; If you are doing ‘the sexy’ and ask me to make the dishes then I would love to make the dishes for you because there’s a good motivator. Use it to your advantage.’

    1. Asp Emp says:

      jasmin, this is really amusing to read, at the same time, it’s the damned cheek!

      1. jasmin says:

        After I wrote the comment I had some thought of what was said from his perspective (I may post a follow up comment) and it is indeed the damned cheek!!

        1. Asp Emp says:

          jasmin, I look forward to reading what you have to say in your “follow up” comment 😉

    2. A Victor says:

      Hi Jasmin, your comment helped me see that my dad actually did encourage this. As in (often) unspoken messages to use my sexuality to have my needs met, as other women did, those successful ones over there, for example. They were the ones given attention by my father, my mother was largely ignored by him. Wow, what a horrible message to send to a little girl. Thank you for your comment, another piece of my puzzle just fell into place.

      1. jasmin says:

        Hi AV,
        Completely inappropriate. I think that you see that you got triangulated with “those successful one” as well.
        I found your experience interesting to read also. It appears to me that he had no concern about ‘slutish reputation’?

        1. A Victor says:

          None. He had two dynamics going regarding this, from what I can tell. First, he was in alignment with the 60’s sexual revolution thinking, I suppose it benefitted him personally, and also my mother, a Victim narc, who was a prude, but only in ways that benefitted her. It was quite a mess. The professional women he “admired” were made to look exceptional to me, in relation to her. Very twisted all the way around.

          1. Jasmin says:

            Thank you for sharing AV!

            Yes, your right! It depends on their environment and what’s beneficial for them. The chameleons. 🦎

  7. lickemtomorrow says:

    #8 – “Individual doesn’t climax or has difficulty doing so” … I would never have thought of this as an element of needing control, but it makes sense once you know more about the narcissist. The focus on ‘you’ and ‘your pleasure’ is a dead giveaway, as the narcissist has already laid out a situation where they are not bothered about their own climax or satisfaction and can keep you sweet with the notion it’s all about you. Wow. Lightbulb moment.

    #9 OMG, fucking hilarious! Being flipped like a burger indeed 😛 “Proverbial piece of meat” says it all.

    #10 Reward or punishment … I was rewarded by my narcissist with the ongoing relationship if I had sex with him. If I didn’t, he would find someone else. Now I know I should have let him.

    I also have a question. Could a non-narcissist falling pregnant to a narcissist without ‘permission’ (i.e. unexpected pregnancy) also be seen as a threat by the narcissist in terms of their control? I am also wondering how the narcissist would respond to that.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Most likely suggest an abortion or plying you with gin and pushing you down the stairs.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Haha, HG. Not to the abortion or the ‘accident’, but I see the callous nature of the narcissist here and his need for control overriding all other considerations. That is your child, too.

        Of course, the narc doesn’t see it that way, but he should take a swig of the gin in celebration of another handy appliance coming into the world.

        Horses for courses. I’m sure some narcissists would celebrate. Just not if it’s not their idea.

        Thank you for the response.

  8. Asp Emp says:

    Lesser = numbers 6; 9. Non consensual. Bastard.

    MRN = numbers 1 – at the start; 2 – after months but he did have other IPSS. I was never the ‘main’ IPPS. I was more ‘valuable’ as a non-intimate fuel source; 5 – it did appear he was thinking about someone else but “blamed” it ‘things he had to do’ (fkg BS); 7 – occurred within weeks (probably because he had other sources of sex while he was “determining” the quality of my fuel); 8 – he started to become ‘unable’ to climax and it is where HG explains about the ‘threat to control’, this was something I understood more clearly today (interesting).

    With regard to the lower echelons not having “learned the appropriate noises” – maybe they only know one particular ‘noise’ as such, ie the ones that gorillas make? 😉

    This video is absolutely brilliant. Thank you for doing this, HG.

    1. jasmin says:

      “maybe they only know one particular ‘noise’ as such, ie the ones that gorillas make? ”

      😂😂 Thank you for the laughter Asp Emp!

      1. Asp Emp says:

        jasmin, it was the only way I could describe it more clearly 😉

  9. Asp Emp says:

    I laughed when I saw the words of the title. I thought to myself, HG could be right in that aspect. I am having sex with myself, using 10 ‘signs’ LOL.

  10. A Victor says:

    8.5 out of ten. They all read the same book even into the bedroom. Had I heard this video before knowing my ex was a narc, I would’ve known without doing a narc detector, it is so accurate.

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