We repeatedly provoke. The act of provocation is one which is designed to cause a strong and often unwelcome emotion in the recipient. On one level, it can be said that everything we do is provocative because we are always looking to cause you to be emotional, to react in an emotional fashion to what we do and as a consequence give us the fuel that we need. Thus when we tell you that we have finally found our soul mate, we are provoking you into generating an intense feeling of being loved (or at least thinking that you are being loved) which causes you to exhibit your love towards us and thus we gain our fuel. We pay a friend a compliment in order to provoke that person into at least thanking us, thus a small dollop of positive fuel or more hopefully (and indeed more likely because this empathic secondary source is well-mannered, honest and decent) we pay them a compliment so they will pay one to us and thus more fuel is garnered. There is no unconditional giving with our kind. We only give to receive.

Thus all of the things that we say and do, the manipulations, the chicanery, the machinations and the mind games are all designed to provoke you into giving us fuel. However, in its strictest sense, we provoke you in order to generate that intense response and one which is negative in nature. We provoke you so that you will explode in anger, erupt in a stream of profane insults and vent your frustration through a slap to the face or a mug hurled towards us.

We will push and push and push. Yes, many of you have a remarkable capacity to absorb these pointy sticks which jab you. Your kind are well-versed and skilled in the turning of the cheek, the adoption of the high ground and the making of allowances. You will bury the hatchet and we will dig it up again in order to give you a dig from the sharp point. You will let bygones be bygones and we will resurrect the memory of an age-old issue in order to rankle you.

Nothing is off limits in terms of provoking you. It might be focusing on a vulnerability of yours that we know about (having acquired this information when we seduced you) so that we remind you of a frightening episode from your childhood or capitalise on your terror of spiders. It might be homing in on your sensitivity about the size of your nose, the shape of your head, the bright red of your embarrassment. If you owe us money, we shall remind you of it and comment on your poor financial position. We may flirt because we know how much you hate the notion of us being unfaithful. We may repeatedly turn up late because you are an advocate of punctuality. We may criticise your parents, your choice of film, your culinary skills, your attempts to loser weight; whatever we have identified as a means for causing you to erupt at us we will do it.

We know which buttons to press. We have a knack and an instinct for doing so. This is because we are able to gather information about you when we seduce you which will be stored away and used against you at a later stage. This is also because empathic individuals are more likely to respond in an emotional fashion. Yes, you will soak it up at first by making allowances for our behaviour and indeed making excuses, exhibiting this selfless understanding for which you are famed. This will not dissuade us. We know that everybody has a limit of what they can take before they snap. Sometimes it is bursting into tears, running from the room or screaming. Other times it is exploding with a volley of curses, coming at us with flailing arms or shouting and screaming at the top of your voice about how awful we are.

Push, prod, niggle. Aggravate, rile, irritate. Ruffle, vex, bug. Irk incense and annoy. We will chip away at your defences, jabbing and poking as we look to make your blood boil, get on your nerves, get under your skin,  work you into lather and try your patience until you can take no more. We can sense the emotion rising in you. We notice the slight tells, the narrowing of the eyes, the rolling of the eyes, the sighs, the shake of the head, the hands on the hips, the raised palm, the jutting jaw and so on. The more you try to tell us that we are not getting to you, the more we are encouraged. We know that your emotion is building up inside of you. We know that it is increasing and no matter how much you are trying to maintain that cool exterior, we understand what is building up.

We not only have a medley of ways by which we provoke you, but we are experts in choosing precisely the best (worst) time to engage in this behaviour. Do any of these instances seem familiar?

When you are trying to get ready to go out.

When you are trying to have a telephone conversation with somebody else.

When you are trying to cook.

When you are trying to perform some chore.

When you are trying to get to sleep.

When you first come through the door after a long day.

When sat next to us in the car on a long journey.

When sat across from us in a restaurant.

When at some event of your choosing.

We will pick an inopportune time to commence our provocation so that you are caught off guard, when you are tired, when you are hungry, when you are anxious or stressed. The moment must be right for us and wholly inappropriate for you and then we can unleash the relevant form of provocation. We know what really gets to you. It may be the subject matter. It might be the way of conveying it, for instance patronising you or acting in a condescending fashion. It could be jabbing you with a finger on the shoulder to punctuate or words or giving you a dig in the back as you lie on your side in bed, after each savage sentence.

Eventually comes the eruption. You can only take so much and invariably when this provocation comes allied with an emotional state which makes you more susceptible to our provocations the explosion is all the more satisfying. Copious amounts of negative fuel fountain from you as you shout, scream, bang doors, slam your hand on the work top, swear and so forth. Inside we are soaring with the power that comes from the provision of this most excellent fuel. You, the paragon of virtue, the most patient of saints has been brought to boiling point and we achieved it. You have responded to our control. Our superiority is once again affirmed, we are the puppetmasters, we are omnipotent in our actions and you have responded as we wanted. Such marvellous fuel that sprays from you and we relish every drop.

Of course as it fountains and flows from you we will not want it to stop and the provocation will continue. Not only are we ensuring that we get to bathe in your overflowing fuel, we are using this eruption as evidence of how unhinged you are. Do not be surprised if this niggling, poking provocation occurs where others will see it. You can expect the whispered and insidious provocations to be used, the acts which are open to interpretation (although we both full well know exactly what was meant by our remark, our look or our gesture) and our good friend plausible deniability will be given an airing.

“Who me officer? I did nothing. She just exploded. I get this all the time, she has an anger management problem. John here will confirm she just went mental and started hitting me.” (Cue obliging Lieutenant).

“I don’t know what gets into her dad, she just erupts. You saw what she was like at mum’s birthday party. That is what I have to live with.”

“I feel sorry for you Mrs Johnson, having a daughter with a temper like that.”

We will provoke you. We will draw the delicious fuel that you will provide to us and then we will use your eruption against you as evidence of your unhinged mind, nasty temperament and unbalanced mental state.

Provocation is a mainstay of our behaviour. It comes in many forms, it is used in many different ways and on a range of occasions but its effects are always the same.

  1. The provision of a massive dose of negative fuel from a primary source;
  2. The exertion of control over you;
  3. The reinforcement of our image of superiority, lack of accountability and omnipotence;
  4. The creation of an emotional state in you which hampers your ability to think clearly and logically;
  5. The creation of a situation where you can later be made to feel guilty for erupting in the way you have at us;
  6. The manufacturing of a scenario which is used to reinforce our façade – we were calm and bewildered by this outburst.
  7. The manufacturing of a scenario which is used to smear you to third parties.

Provocation is a very useful tool to us. It is used extensively and repeatedly. Know why it is being used. Do not try to outlast it and exert your capability for patience, tolerance and understanding. You are just goading us to try harder. Remove yourself before your threshold is reached to avoid giving us points 1-7 above.

Provocation will always be used against you.

Anyway, who do you think you are looking at?

78 thoughts on “Provocation

  1. Asp Emp says:

    Oohhhh-meee-gawd…..imagine my unadulterated delight when I see the availability of buying a t-shirt with this ‘Provocation’ image printed on it…….foookk meee! I aahhmed and oohhhed as to what colour to get……ahh, fark eet. It’s on order. Delivery at some point……yum yyyuuummmm.

    HG, ah, darling, I love you, thank you for adding this particular image to the merch product list 🙂 xxx

  2. Rebecca says:

    My ex was afraid of his father,it was the best I could come up with, with trying to stay calm as scared as I was at the time. I was relieved it worked because I was really thinking he was going to drive off the road. I left him that night and haven’t regretted it. I should have left him before. He’s a criminal now with three assault charges on his record, one being his two year old child he had with someone else, while married to me at the time. Who beats up a two year old? That’s no man, that’s s***

    1. WiserNow says:

      It’s good that you left your ex that night. It’s hard to believe that anyone could do the things you describe. Even when I read that things like that actually happen, it seems beyond belief.

      I agree – anyone, man or woman, who abuses a baby or child is an appalling person.

      1. Rebecca says:


        The last time I spoke to him was years ago, over the phone. He said he was calling me because he was in anger management and had to apologize to me for the anger program. He said he only gets supervised visitation with his daughter and that she’s scared of him now. I told him a few things I won’t repeat on here, but I mainly said, if she had been my kid he did that to, he wouldn’t be even having supervised visits with her. He said, he understood why I felt that way.

        You’re talking about unbelievable acts, he actually asked me if we could be friends! I couldn’t believe he asked me that! I told him, No, don’t contact me again and you’re lucky she wasn’t my kid.

        He also asked me, if I hated him. I told him, no, I don’t hate you,, but you’re not my favorite person either. I don’t want you in my life. We’re divorced and leave it at that. I hung up and this was long before I knew what a narcissist was and that he was one.

        1. WiserNow says:

          Seeing that your ex had supervised visitation with his daughter, it sounds like the relationship with his daughter’s mother ended, which I hope it did. Your ex sounds like a violent and physically abusive man. If that was my child, I wouldn’t let him near her again either. It’s no wonder she is scared of him. The emotional memory of what he did will stay with her too.

          If he tried contacting you, he may not have had an IPPS and it was a hoover. The anger management reason for the call may have been a convenient excuse.

          I have seen other examples where the ‘solution’ for physically violent partners is for them to take anger management classes. On the surface, it looks like a logical way of them to change their behaviour. However, if it’s a narcissist or psychopath, firstly, the person can’t or won’t self-reflect. Secondly, the person will still have the instinct to gain fuel and control. For these two reasons alone, the classes are not going to be a lasting solution.

          Regarding your situation, it makes me wonder how narcissists have the time to have two ‘families’ at the same time. If they have two partners with children in addition to work and other commitments, it makes me ask how they fit all of that in and keep it all running smoothly.

          A big waving red flag would be that the person is absent for long periods of time or making excuses for having to be somewhere else.

  3. WhoCares says:

    So proud to be a Canadian at this moment in time.

    1. WiserNow says:

      Why do you say that WhoCares?

      1. WhoCares says:

        Because we are a melting pot.

      2. WhoCares says:


  4. Rebecca says:

    AV and Asp Emp,

    Thanks for your words of encouragement. I’m doing the best I can at fighting my ET, but mine is a real pain sometimes….my emotions are so strong that I worry about them getting me into trouble, like Will Smiths emotions got him in trouble. I’ve got some questions regarding my results of my Trait Detector. I’m not sure I fully understand them and if they’re good results. I’ll clear them up with HG soon. Thanks again!

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Rebecca, you are more than welcome. I understand your concerns in regard to managing your ET better. This is not an over-night ‘success’. It takes time. Allow yourself that. May I suggest that it is a matter of learning to recognise when such a ‘circumstance’ occurs ie in an environment / situation that would be a ‘trigger’ of your ET. At present, it sounds as if you are putting a ‘barrier’ to your own ET ‘management’ by over-stressing about it if you can understand what I mean? Maybe have a chat with HG on this particular ‘aspect’ when you do have your consult with him? You can prepare for this by writing down some notes to give you some ‘prompts’? I do not know if it is worth considering to go over your Trait Detector results with your therapist? Ask HG about this before you do (for permission purposes as well)?

      I understand that your therapist suggests you have PTSD? Have they mentioned Complex PTSD (CPTSD)? This is slightly different as it has additional ‘symptoms’ to PTSD. I am not suggesting your therapist is wrong. Maybe you could clarify that with them?

      Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (complex PTSD, sometimes abbreviated to c-PTSD or CPTSD) is a condition where you experience some symptoms of PTSD along with some additional symptoms, such as: difficulty controlling your emotions, feeling very angry or distrustful towards the world (source :

      PTSD usually derives from a one-off traumatic event, CPTSD usually derives from repeated trauma ie abuse, attracting abusers into your life etc.

      Maybe you have a ‘well-being’ notebook for your own use? Like a journal but using it to write thoughts down and so on? Some people do this to refer to, add to, instead of having it all in their mind.

      You are on the right track. I am glad you have two different ‘access’ points for assisting you on your journey. You are doing ok, you are just working through it. Take your time to process it all. I know and understand it is not easy. It is worth it though. Stay strong 🙂

      1. Rebecca says:

        Asp Emp,

        I’ve made plans to talk with HG about all of these issues you mentioned above. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I lived in Colorado and the therapist I’m seeing now hasn’t mentioned CPTSD,but I’ll discuss it with him. There’s still some things that worry me about myself and it might be hindering m÷like you suggested. It would be like me to halt my own progress through worrying about it. I’m like a car that throws its own wheel…I’ll let you know what I find out about myself and thanks again for your encouragement and support. 🙃❤

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Rebecca, thank you for your response. I am glad to read you have arranged to consult with HG. Interesting that CPTSD has not yet been mentioned by your therapist, it may prompt them to communicate with others in their profession about CPTSD (increasing awareness and recognise victims of narcissistic abuse more effectively). HG will know how to advise you on your concerns (ie hindrance to your progress) as he has probably covered the same ‘issue’ many times with other people. Some people find that they struggle to look at some aspects of themselves because they did not have the right ‘guidance’ (nor were understood) when they were younger – I had this ‘issue’ too. HG’s way of writing work / resources gave me the understanding in how to ‘access’ those “boundaries” to looking at aspects of myself. It is partly because of my own brain-wiring that is different from the ‘norm’ (ie Aspergers). One thing for sure, do not change yourself, it is the way you look at feel about things in yourself that requires some ‘tweaking’ and once you understand that, it contributes to increased confidence about yourself. It really does not matter what other people think about you, that is their problem, not yours, ok? No worries and thank you for your compliment. You will be ok 🙂

      2. Joa says:

        AV, very interesting information. I am not familiar with these psychological concepts and terms.

        I read a bit and I “tested” myself right away, ha ha ha 🙂

        Rebecca, I was very upset by what you wrote about pain. It helped me, to know that I can feel it, it is inevitable and pain has always been a part of me. I accepted it. It is and passes. Sometimes the intensity makes me lose my strength, aversion to life, and a headache. But it passes. And I know, that soon I will be flying again 🙂 Remembering, that I will fall without a doubt 🙂

        And I’ll soar again… and fall…

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Joa, thank you for your response. ET related ‘pain’ is probably one of the most difficult aspects of ‘processing’ through our journey of understanding our pasts.

          How you describe it here is exactly how I felt (and thought) when I was doing this ‘process’. I forced myself to do it because I realised I needed to do it, otherwise I would have ended up “carrying” it for the rest of my life. That, in my view, at least for myself in any case, is not a way of ‘living’ life the way it is intended to be lived.

          I found that the level of the ‘drops’ and the ‘heights’ (the ‘intensity’ you speak of) become more “balanced” and the lengths of those periods shortened too ie instead of days / hours, it can be for one minute (a ‘spike’ but can be quickly reduced by telling your LT to “act”), or a few hours – it depends on the actual emotional ‘trigger’ and for what “reason(s)”.

          These ‘occurrences’ eventually lessen too. It is a bit like a see-saw that moves very quickly, to extremes until it eventually levels as it slows down. It is about managing how you respond to a situation as the situations cannot always be avoided ie out in public. Narcissists cannot be avoided when out in public either ie in a shop (giggling here ;-)).

          You are a strong person, Joa and you are doing really well 🙂 I enjoy reading your comments 🙂

          1. Joa says:

            Oh nooo, Asp Emp, I couldn’t live without this swing! 🙂

            I was already at that point – complete equilibrium – it was like death within…

            I want to fly at the right level, under the clouds 🙂 Even if I have to fall with a deep bang. I will survive, I have already learned how to land 🙂

            And if it fails one day. Oh well…

    2. A Victor says:

      You are welcome Rebecca. It does get easier as you learn and apply HG’s strategies. I learned from my Trait Detector that I have high pride, one of two high ones for me, but this one is one that causes many issues for me. Having that knowledge, that it is often my pride that has been offended and is making me want to respond in a certain way, has helped me to think about it more instead of reacting spontaneously at that moment. It has helped me mature and realize that my pride can be injured and it’s not the end of the world, I get to choose how and if I will do anything. It has given me more power over myself and allowed me to let go of defensiveness a lot. I have been on the defensive all of my life, I have most usually been my own defender, whatever defending there was. So releasing this defensiveness even a bit has allowed me a bigger picture of what is going on and again, given me the option to act or not, to defend or not. It is so nice. I am excited for you to gain control of your emotions also, it really is empowering.

      1. Joa says:

        AV, the best solution, is a moment of time. Wait (although the fireball is spinning in the lungs and throughout the body, knocking against the inner surface of the skin and trying to get out through the eyes, throat, nose and fingertips).

        Stretched over time, it becomes less relevant.

        “It has helped me mature and realize that my pride can be injured and it’s not the end of the world, I get to choose how and if I will do anything.”

        AV, those are beautiful words. I say similar to my daughter, but you compressed it better. A simple and clear message will reach her easier (and it will be useful to me!).

        I read your entire paragraph several times, trying to drive the nail into my memory. Thank you 🙂

        1. A Victor says:

          Joa, thank you for sharing that! I’m glad that I could say something of value for someone else. I agree that time is helpful but for me, because I now also have this knowledge, that it’s often my pride that’s been hurt, and I’ve begun to attach that feeling to that label and thus specific outcomes, it’s been a much quicker process. It’s been a really nice surprise.

          1. Joa says:

            Yes, human better “manages himself” with age.

            This blog also gave me a bit of speed… in some respects.

            And some will remain unreformable 🙂 I do not want to cram my whole myself into a tight box of logic.

      2. Rebecca says:

        My pride is also high and my balance is thrown off when I’m triggered. My emotions have been an issue for me since I can remember and I can remember a lot. If I can rein them in, I’ll be 90% at my goal with myself. I’m still surprised I don’t have Super in me because so much of what’s explained what a Suoer does and acts,sounds like me,unless my view of myself is clouded due to my high emotions….?

        1. A Victor says:

          I “see” your Geyser a lot. I think Supers are possibly mellow and determined, their emotion not showing outwardly necessarily but they just decide and do without a lot of emotional demonstration in their process. My daughter has similar blend to yours but with a bit of Super also. She normally flips back and forth emotionally, strongly also sometimes, but when her Super has kicked in, she’s a different person. It’s only happened a few times that I’ve been aware of, maybe 4, but she suddenly wasn’t emotional, she was just getting done what had to get done dealing with these guys. It was at the end of 4 relationships, all 4 she escaped and she’s never looked back.

          1. Rebecca says:


            I left my first husband after he attempted to drive us off a cliff in Colorado. I got him to stop by telling him, his dad was going to be mad at him for wrecking the car and he was afraid of his dad. He was diagnosed Borderline PD. I left him that night and he still tries to reach me, the most recent attempt was back in April of last year. I just decline friend request and block. I put up with a lot of abuse from him, but trying to kill me, was the end of my tolerance. Once I make up my mind about something, I don’t look back either. I’m glad you and your daughter got out of your bad relationships. 🙃❤

            I can react without emotions sometimes. One example was when I got robbed, when I worked at a bank. The guy had a gun, handed me a note etc. I was as calm as a cucumber on the outside, inside I kept telling myself to stay calm. I managed to react calmly to a stressful incident, kept my wits about me and made it through. The police interviewed me several times that day. One actually told me, you’re really calm for someone who just got robbed. I told him, I’m keeping my emotions bottled up so I can speak with you,if I let them go,you won’t be able to understand me through my blubbering and nothing will get done. He nodded at me and wrote some things down.
            I had a hard time sleeping for a while and I stayed with my brother and his wife at night. He got me a teddy bear to give me comfort at night. I still have the teddy bear and I still remember him giving it to me and how shocked I was at his kind gesture, that’s how I prefer to remember my brother, the kindness he could show me…not the fights we would have.

          2. A Victor says:

            Rebecca, wow what a horrible experience! I can’t image being involved in a bank robbery! And you held yourself together to speak to the police, that’s amazing, I would have been a puddle of tears! It was very sweet of your brother to get you the teddy bear.

            I’m glad you got out of your marriage to your first husband also. Isn’t it crazy that they keep trying even after attempting something so extreme?!

            We are all made up of so many different facets, I hope you can discuss your EDC with HG really soon!

          3. A Victor says:

            Or your Trait Detector rather.

          4. NarcAngel says:


            A more accurate diagnosis for your ex might have been Borderline retarded if he thought that after sailing over a cliff his biggest worry was an angry dad or a wrecked car haha. Glad you thought quickly to give him a way out of his threat and that you’re away from him now.

          5. WhoCares says:

            Hey NA,

            It was nice to run into you in the Livechat recently.

          6. WhoCares says:

            Maybe we’ll meet up in Livechat again sometime…it was nice.

          7. Violetta says:


            To be fair, I’ve occasionally had similar warped priorities. My friend Ivy’s dad collected guns. I occasionally fantasized about sneaking one into school and popping a cap into this bitch on the gymnastics team who was giving me a hard time, and the main thing that restrained me was the certainty that Ivy’s dad wouldn’t let us hang out anymore. The legal ramifications couldn’t penetrate my thick skull, or maybe my skull was so paper-thin that such ramifications flew in and flew back out without leaving a ripple.

            In my defense, I was a teenager, which Rebecca’s ex probably was not

          8. WiserNow says:


            “I occasionally fantasized about sneaking one into school and popping a cap into this bitch on the gymnastics team who was giving me a hard time”

            You mean you didn’t use self-reflection regarding the issue you had with this person? You didn’t think that she may have had an alternative subjective worldview compared to yours? You didn’t consider how you could use words to ‘resolve’ the matter?

            I think your name would suit you more if you changed it to ‘Violator’ haha

          9. Violetta says:


            Well, at least I’d be naming myself after an iconic album.

          10. HG Tudor says:

            HG approves

          11. WiserNow says:

            HG and Violetta,

            Use of deflection and triangulation – I see what you both did there. Plus, Violetta has used a subjective worldview strategically to flatter the Ultra. Cleverly done.

            It takes me a while, but I’m getting there.

          12. Violetta says:


            I actually have thought of changing my posting name. It’s similar to names I’ve used for other sites/activities, and I want to be able to refer people I know from other spaces to HG without having them know right away who I am, though they might guess it from some of the things I post.

            I originally thought I’d pick a literary reference, but maybe I’ll go with the DM album–if “HG approves”–keep the flower gravatar for a bit, so long-time Tudorites know who it is, then change it to something else.

            Btw, Gym-Nasty was writing crap on my locker, making prank calls to my house, and deliberately standing where she could throw off my spotting when I did a beam routine, so I doubt self-reflection, alternative world-views, or “using my words” would have resolved fuck-all. Waiting until her remoras weren’t around to applaud her (she only bothered me when she had an audience) and giving her a much-needed swirly might have been effective, but I think she was stronger, though graceless: standing back flips without requiring a round-off or back handspring to build momentum, but knees not together, toes unpointed–all force and no form.

          13. WiserNow says:

            Thanks for the new words (remora, swirly) – my vocabulary grows every time I am here on the blog. It’s an education on a number of levels.

            The Gym-Nasty girl sounds like a monumentous pain in the neck. I was half-joking about the self-reflection, use of words etc. While it is preferable to resolve issues that way, there are times when it’s difficult or ineffective.

            Your account of the Gym-Nasty reminds me of when I was about 12 or 13 and there was a group of three mean girls at school who would follow me when I was alone and taunt me saying insulting or threatening things. They didn’t do that when they weren’t together in a group though.

            I told my sister about them and asked her what I should do. She suggested I think of names for them that would make them seem stupid or ridiculous. She also told me to stand my ground and not back down when they said anything to me.

            Following my sister’s advice, my teenage self made up names for them that I would use when talking about them with my sister: Sh*tFace, PigFace and Sh*tForBrains.

            One day, I discovered that a test I completed that was due for a class had been stolen from my locker. I didn’t know who stole it but suspected it was one of the mean girls. I went to see the teacher and told him I couldn’t hand in my test because it had been stolen from my locker. He believed me, probably because I was such a goody-goody that I would rather lose a limb than fail to hand something in on time.

            The teacher asked me to help him look through the pile of tests that had been handed in to see if one of them was mine. Together, we found the stolen test. It had my name covered up with white typing tape. One of the mean girls wrote her name there instead. The teacher knew what happened because the evidence was right there.

            Another time, one of the mean girls said something insulting to me while there were other kids around. I walked up to her and got right in her face, so close we were standing almost toe to toe. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would pop out of my chest. Then, I loudly said something like, “You wouldn’t have the guts to say that if you were by yourself!” She stared at me with a blank face and didn’t say anything. I surprised even myself and walked away shaking a little. After that though, the group of them left me alone and stopped being insulting.

            I think you can resolve issues with words, although it helps if the words are backed up with witnesses and a hint of determined action as well.

            That happened when teens were more innocent than they are now. Also, there were no smart phones and teachers may have been more respected too. I’m not sure if it would have the same effect these days.

        2. NarcAngel says:

          It was an unexpected delight to be free-rangefor a bit and able to catch up with a few familiar errr…avatars in the “Waiting Room”. I imagine the Minions saw fit to report all to The Dark Lord, despite our behaviour being quite benign haha.

          It suggests perhaps an opportunity there for members……. if HG saw benefit of course.

          1. StrongerWendy says:


  5. positivefuel8 says:

    Ahh yes the games people play. We all do it. Friend or Foe.
    For example my experience with a Narcissist: an upper middle ranger type A he doesn’t try to deny his self-absorbed nature…afterall…. he’s perfect.

    Full of narcissist self-confidence; handsome good looks exhibiting an aura of power; he is a master at attracting notice and monopolizing attention wherever he went..

    The Ultimate Provacateur:
    He can be “prickly”and oversensitive; creating chaos and controversy with the swiftness of action and his speech.
    Never outshine the “Master”..
    Other people are instruments. Reality is just a reflection of their needs.. The Narcissist needs lots of “fuel”….

    And it is here…HG…I wanna say thanks….
    HG Tudor Blog…love it….and support it….
    Why… Well here is my speel…..nothing to vent…
    …..only positive fuel to add… (blog)
    A perfect venue for people to vent, bitch and complain.
    Not many blogs would allow a person to do that.
    Where you get to engage in a course of conversation with people, good people, (yes we are all good) it just depends from which lens you choose to see from; and you feel there is an equal level of banter, with the quick pace quickening, indicating increasing rapport…

    Exciting sign of all is synchrony, the other person is unconsciously mirroring You..

    I smile to myself as I scroll down and read on…

    At times I see triggers of emotional thinking at play here. Heated and ignited comments sometimes coupled with the added “spice” of blame shifting.. I feel the fuel brewing

    I think to myself…oh yeah ..keep reading…

    We come to blame shifting….I think….ok…let’s see what this is about..what can I add to the conversation..maybe stir things up a bit..provoke a response. positive outcome.

    Let’s begin with “passing the buck” I feel lousy because someone’s actions had made me feel that way syndrome.

    Sorry..can’t happen..unless you allow it.

    No other person has the power to imprint on another.
    Unless you allow it..or you are the Ultra..maybe…

    For most, unless you are intimately ensnared, addicted or unaware, I really don’t think a person can imprint another’s psyche unless you allow him to do so..

    That person is only a catalyst to get you to look at your own inner wounding….

    Anyhow…..just wanna say…

    HG thanks for all the work you do in getting the public more educated and aware about Narcissism.

    HG, I am pleased that I came across your channel on YouTube and your blog here: is a wonderful way to voice your opinion in a direct manner. People here are authentic and real…
    Direct, straight to the point talk with much wisdom to share….no fluff and no bullshit…
    And yes..I have no doubt the occasional Narc flies in and out leaving a “delicious” comment or two…
    .And. ..if you’re in really lucky…your comment may cause a stirring of “fuel” that gets you a response from the man himself…HG Tudor…

    Whether you like or not like what he says.. is relevant…… Guaranteed to stir up some emotional”fuel” inside

    Every single one of us has the “Devil Inside..Devil Inside..
    Oh ya….INXS..

    Talk about ignited fuel……I feel the heat…..

    Just my point of view…from British Columbia Canada..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am pleased, although unsurprised you have found my work extremely helpful to you. Thank you for accessing it.

      1. positivefuel8 says:

        HG:I am pleased you found my comment worthy of a response from you..Thank you darlin

    2. Asp Emp says:

      positivefuel8, I really enjoyed reading your comment. It was such a delight for me to read, including your choice of words. Thank you for sharing 🙂

      1. positivefuel8 says:

        Asp Emp…I’m glad you liked it and found it a delight for you to read. Thank you..

    3. Joa says:

      positivefuel8, I also enjoyed reading your words!

      I slow down, when something interests me.

      I slowed down 🙂

      1. positivefuel8 says:

        Hi Joa: I am pleased to hear my words were of interest to you which also helped you to slow down. Thank-you for your reply 🌠

  6. Asp Emp says:

    Was that the last sound of the sheep as it was roasting on the barbeque I heard??

  7. Asp Emp says:

    Well, I had an interesting morning. I had the misfortune to have to communicate with a receptionist where I refused to accept their deflecting and feeble responses. They’ve worked there a while, so no excuse. Then the supervisor comes along and is very nice actually, very good communicator. Then I go shopping……nice and quiet in there. They have a new manager in there. Twice, he walks past me. The second time he did, he walks (fast) in front of me, with a quick, fixed, rigid smile. I could not reciprocate because he was walking that quick (LOL). Then I start giggling before laughing out loud. It is more enjoyable to a degree, because I “know” but it is annoying at the same time. Fooking hoovering. Seriously, they cannot help themselves, well they do help themselves……snuffling around.

    If this article image is available on a T-shirt, I’ll buy it 🙂

    1. Violetta says:

      If HG doesn’t put the item on sale, take a screenshot, save it to a file, edit for margins, etc., and talk to your local commemorative t-shirt/cup/tote bag-printers about whether you can send them a file and have it put on a t-shirt. You may or may not wish to supply the t-shirt in the color of your choice. I would pre-wash it, so you get any shrinking, stretching, dye-bleed out of the way.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Violetta, thank you for your suggestion. I have used printing services years ago (designing a charity logo & having that printed on a large banner). I’d have that particular image on the back of the T-shirt and have something else on the front. I’d have to wash it and iron it before and after printing. I would obviously obtain HG’s permission before starting any kind of process like this though, out of respect of his work and his copyright purposes.

        1. Violetta says:

          Agreed on the copyright. I wanted to send a friend a copy of one of the many files I bought during a discount offer, but she’s not computer-savvy at all. I’d have to buy a hard copy off Amazon (no discount), or print off my file and mail it, which I was pretty sure violated copyright. It’s not like taking my well-thumbed hard copies of SatN and Sitting Target and mailing them.

          I did tell her about narcsite, and urged her to investigate it at her public library. Should my employment prospects improve (I’ve had some part-time gigs, and several phone/zoom interviews), I can start helping her build up a physical narcsite library. Her marriage of many years ended disastrously, and the games her ex- played are textbook narc ploys.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Violetta, I understand that you want to help your friend. You could suggest to your friend to access HG’s videos on YT and KTN blog (you could list which videos / articles she could start with). If she can only access these by going to the local library, she could ask for assistance from the staff there.

            With regard to her obtaining the books SatN and Sitting Target – you could purchase them via Amazon for her and have them mailed to her directly (use her address for delivery)? These two books are quite cheap.

            I would suggest you to read HG’s ‘copyright’ section for further clarity.

            If your friend is in a position to, and needs to arrange a consult with HG, she can confer with him directly about her requirements. Someone can loan her the funds if needed / possible?

          2. Violetta says:

            I have suggested accessing narcsite and the yt videos at the library, but I will do so again, and emphasize that librarians can help her, as you suggest.

            What I really want to get her is the two “flag” books. She has talked about how “sweet” her ex used to be, and I suspect he just did a really convincing love-bombing. I met her when we both got jobs at a then-posh Britophile shop: I, because I was doing the post-BA McJob thing; she, because she was putting her husband’s ungrateful (as it turned out) hindquarters through grad school.

            We bonded not only through our love of all things vintage and pseudo-vintage, but also through the trauma of having the manager who hired us leave to get married, and be replaced, not by the assistant manager, who actually knew something, but by a woman whom I now suspect to be a lower mid-ranger on a par with GrinchLady, though with a different flavor. She shared with GrinchLady a Mr. Creosote’s Wafer-Thin® facade, but her abysmal ignorance was coupled with pretensions GrinchLady would never attempt. Nevertheless, she had that same knack of genuinely forgetting what she had done and shouldn’t have, and of always needing to blame or criticize others.

            I must say, the different “flavors” of narc are the sections of HG’s work that have given me some of the greatest relief. You wouldn’t think our tacky new manager had anything in common with my friend’s then-promising STEM-major husband, but it’s like radiation and man-in-the-moon marigolds: narcissism can produce growths that look normal, that have exotic double-blooms, or just stunted and dead plants.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Violetta, thank you for your response. It is good to read that you are considering to confer with your friend further RE: reading up about narcissism. Working with narcissists is not always easy but if you know the ‘red flags’ and have some idea of how to deal with a narcissist at work, it can make some things easier. HG’s assistance package on narcissists at work is very good indeed. If your friend has an addiction to narcissism, having a consult with HG can assist her onto the path of understanding and how to avoid being ensnared again in intimate / working situations. It is good that you and her have shared interests. 🙂

  8. Pamela Swain says:

    Hey, me and Guy Fawkes ain’t got no problems!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He has none as he’s dead. You on the other hand…..

      1. WhoCares says:


        1. Asp Emp says:

          I second that emotion 🙂

          1. Pamela Swain says:


      2. Rebecca says:

        Isn’t there an English holiday based on him being killed?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Not a holiday, an event to commemorate the anniversary of the gunpowder plot of 1605

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            “Remember, remember, the Fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot.
            I know of reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.”


          2. Rebecca says:


            Thanks for answering. Was Guy publicly executed? Can you imagine if they did public executions now? People would be criticizing and voting on how he died, what he said last, what he was wearing, if he shit himself or not, and how good the snacks were….I can imagine the whole circus.

          3. Z - zwartbolleke says:


            Yes he (Guy Fawkes) was hanged on 31 January 1606, but he fell off the ladder before he was hanged, so actually he didn’t really die because of hanging. He was tortured horribly (with good reason).
            In May starts an exhibition in the Tower of London about the gunpowder plot, I would sooo much like to visit it.

        2. Violetta says:

          It involves bonfires and toffee.

          1. WhoCares says:

            Well, I like the bonfire part.

          2. Z - zwartbolleke says:

            Forgive me but I have to ask: is there any chance, any chance at all, your account on YT is used by somebody else?
            I see some very very strange comments on your name, that I cannot attribute to you.
            Forgive me for asking

      3. Rebecca says:

        How appropriate she would show up under Provocation…..the irony….lol

        1. Pamela Swain says:

          Wow. So unfriendly to people on here. Hg has successfully imprinted his narcissism on you all. Good job, HG, in a backwards villain way. I don’t know any of you personally.

          1. Violetta says:

            Any news about the Clintons and blackmail?

      4. Pamela Swain says:

        I have you, you’re right.

  9. A Victor says:

    This is what I hate about narcissism. The constant badgering, contention, pushing, pestering, triangulating. And you can’t tell them, “Leave me alone!”, ha, oh no, that only encourages more!! GOSO and NC, vigilance to not be hoovered and to avoid a new ensnarement are truly the only answers to completely eliminate this. It puts it squarely on us. Seriously, that’s not even fair.

    1. Rebecca says:

      I agree with you and the worse is the triangulation, always made me feel less than dog s***

      1. A Victor says:

        I know, that had been used on me my entire life, since I can remember even as a tiny little girl. And i didn’t know what it was until i got here. It is horrible.

        1. Rebecca says:


          I know how you feel. ❤ I still think narc parents are the worse. My mother had me convinced for years that I was the bad one between her and I. I still have self doubt at times.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Rebecca, RE: “I still have self doubt at times” – I can understand that. It is just your ET. You will have less doubt in yourself in time. Hang in there 🙂

          2. A Victor says:

            Rebecca, we are not the bad ones. Don’t believe it. Eschew that from your thinking.

        2. Rebecca says:

          Earlier today I was making jokes with Sweet Perfection and my humour tends to be a bit dark at times…and I think someone else thought I was a narc. Lol Dark humour doesn’t make you a narc. I can be aggressive at times too, still doesn’t make me a narc. My therapist said I have PTSD. My dad had it too,but from different causes. I think we all have issues, no one gets through life without some scars,somewhere. No one is perfect.

          1. A Victor says:

            Hi Rebecca, same, dark humor can be fun sometimes. I very very rarely get aggressive. It is far out of my comfort zone but I will do it if I feel it’s necessary. My daughter does it though, on occasion, she’s a total empath. I think I have had PTSD and have been healing from it since arriving here. Some things still make me physically react but it’s gotten so much better. Now I’m aware of the physical reactions. You are correct, all humans have scars if they’re over…6 months old? Haha, maybe not quite that young, but to them, it might be a scar! We do best to deal with them and live as well as we can anyway. And that means we’re victorious!

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