Protection

PROTECTION

I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are.

I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person.  I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I?

You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out of me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust.

Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation.

It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know that I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.

You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me.

I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.

All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.

You fall for this speech.

Every time.

6 thoughts on “Protection

  1. A C says:

    I was totally and utterly falling for it.
    #Contagion #Carrier #Savior

    1. Gypsy Heart says:

      AC,

      My opinion is that many narcissists do feel this way, not knowing what they are, maybe even HG before he knew and understood himself. I think with each new IPPS they feel that this may be “the one”. My opinion is they do feel they can love but do not understand that what they are feeling isn’t love. Therefore with each new prospect they are let down, much like the dynamic with the narcissist parent.

      I can understand this. As an ACON, I believe that I don’t feel love the way a healthy individual does. I feel love as pain and longing. And oh how I crave this pain.

      Recently I have begun to understand myself more and strive to stay out of the drama and continue to work on myself. Because really the only person you can change is yourself.

      I have been working towards closure that I can only find within myself. HG, I remember seeing a series quite often on your blog when I first came here years ago. They were letters to the narcissist submitted by your readers. Do you still have this? I have been having my own narrative going in my head since I have been dealing with vivid flashbacks about my own childhood. I think writing and sharing this with readers experiencing similar situations would help with my closure.

      HG, I nervously look forward to my upcoming consultation with you to go over the insight that I have gained here and to help fill in the gaps,

      Thank you HG,

      Gypsy

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You are welcome.

      2. NarcAngel says:

        Hi Gypsy Heart

        You have a basic understanding from being here previously and have returned with a willingness to learn more not only about the narcissist but about yourself in order to improve your situation. By takings steps to achieve that (returning, consultation) you have placed yourself in the best position to succeed. Cheering you on.

        1. Gypsy Heart says:

          Thank you NA. I have always valued your comments on here as well as your unique sense of humor.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Responsible

Next article

Narc Magnet