You Were Warned
“You know you really shouldn’t get involved with me you know, I am damaged.”
“Well, it is a little bit late for that isn’t it? I am already involved.”
“I know and I am glad to hear you tell me that, really I am, because I want you more than anything. I have not wanted anybody else in the way I want you but it is because of that I think you would be better off without me.”
“Don’t be silly, what do you mean by that?”
“You are so wonderful, so perfect. I truly have not met anyone like you. It is as if everything I have ever wanted and needed in somebody has been put together and rolled into one.”
“That is lovely of you to say, but I am not perfect, far from it.”
“To me you are.”
“Bless you, that is so sweet. I think you are wonderful too, not at all damaged. I cannot believe you said that.”
“Well I am.”
“Not from where I am sitting. You are incredible. Thoughtful, loving, attentive, interesting, sensual and so passionate. Those are just a few of the things that spring to mind when I think about you.”
“Oh let me see. Generous, yes generous and kind, considerate and successful. Entertaining as well. I don’t think I know anybody who can light up a room like you do. I love to watch you when you have everyone’s attention, I can see how much they love to listen to you.”
“Oh you are just saying those things to make me feel better.”
“No not at all, I mean every word, I really do. I have not met anyone as special as you and that is why I love you as I do.”
“You shouldn’t, I don’t mean to be rude, but you will only get hurt.”
“How? By you?”
“I don’t know; I just always seem to mess things up. It may sound strange but somehow I want to think, I mean, I kind of know it should work with you, with you more than anybody else, I suppose I am just terrified that what we have is so wonderful, so perfect that I might do something to ruin it and then you would be hurt and I could not stand for that to happen.”
“You see, there you are again, considerate and kind.”
“I could not live with myself if I hurt you and I just do not want to run that risk of that happening. You do not deserve to be hurt.”
“That won’t happen, I can feel it. What you and I have is something out of the ordinary.”
“Yes we have haven’t we?”
“Absolutely. I love you and you love me and nobody is going to change that.”
“I know, I know, but what if, you know I do something?”
“I don’t know, it is just that well, previous relationships have not exactly been successful have they? My track record is not great.”
“No but that wasn’t your fault was it? Look, you told me all about what has happened in the past. Not many men would be so honest as you to admit to what you have gone through. That takes real courage and is typical of the honesty and decency you exude. You are a good man and you have been treated abhorrently by some wicked people. Oooh, if I ever met them, I don’t know what I would do.”
“I knew you would understand. You always do. You get me. They never did you see. I tried you know. I always tried to make it work. I just wanted both of us to be happy but you know when whatever you do is not enough? When no matter how hard you try to please somebody but they always find some kind of fault? That was them. They made me feel like it was my fault a lot of the time. They had that way of twisting everything around so I was made out to be the villain. It is hard to explain it, but that is what they did.”
“I understand. There are some people who just delight in the misery of other people but that is not going to happen with you and me.”
“No. We have both suffered previously.”
“I know. That is why I do not want to hurt you, you have had enough from the past and you deserve to be treated properly.”
“Well that is what you do. I could not ask for a better boyfriend, I really could not. You put me first, ahead of everything and you do so much for me. I really do appreciate it and each day I feel more in love with you because of what you do for me.”
“Thank you. That is all I want. Both of us to be happy. I think it must just be because of what has happened in the past, I am worried that this time, having found you, it will go wrong again and you will be hurt and I could not live with that.”
“Honestly, there is nothing to worry about. You have just been made to feel like this because of what they have done to you. It is understandable. I know you won’t hurt me. How could anyone who says the things you say to me ever hurt me? I have never had someone say the wonderful and beautiful things you say to me before. You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly because you just know what to say, you understand me.”
“Yes. There is a connection and it is deep and meaningful and I do not want that ever to be severed. I will fight to my dying breath to stay connected to you. I want to become you.”
“See, there you go again, saying the most wonderful things.”
“You bring it out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would do.”
“Well you don’t have to wonder do you? You’ve got me and you always will have.”
“Do you mean that?”
“You see I am really in heaven every time we kiss. I don’t ever want to hurt you or lose you.”
“That will never happen. You have me forever.”
“I hope so, I really do.”
“You do. Now, let’s not have any more talk about you hurting me, that isn’t going to happen. We have the rest of our lives to be together and be happy. Let me get another bottle of wine, no, it is my turn, you stay there. You do enough running around after me, let me do something for you for a change.”
“Okay, same again please.”
“Coming right up. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
10 thoughts on “You Were Warned”
It’s almost like we are less likely to believe you are a bad person if you are admitting it. Surly you’re honest at the very least? You care enough to try to protect us even from you. You are being vulnerable and forthcoming. What evil person does that? Now we know.
It is pretty incredible how accurate this article is. It’s like they know, it’s one thing that makes it difficult to grasp that they don’t know. But taken as it is, at face value, if this happens, it is a red flag that can no longer be ignored. That is very helpful to know.
HG, reading your comment reminded me of your excellent video **‘This Mindset Equals Victory’. I use the words “narcissists of my past” rather than personalising the narcissists to me, so, effectively, ‘detaching’ them from me by removing the noose aka your ‘You Wear Guilt’ article. I found that it helped me cut the ET ‘ties’ to it as soon as I started using the said “terminology”.
** brilliant video, offering a somewhat reverse psychological way of perceiving the narcissist.
Golden nugget comment – especially in regard to the ET / LT.
Replying to myself (how narcissistic 😉 ). I bumped into someone I’ve known 20 years or so yesterday (the one who is boring as fk). It was really interesting to observe the behaviours and this time, he did not ask for an up to date mobile number (I would have denied having as such to avoid “pollution” and maintain my NC regime with that one!! and others ‘connected’ to him too). Thank God (HG) for KTN’s existence and my learning.
I met a narcissist on a dating site ( I know I shouldn’t have used dating site because it is a hunting ground and it is like swimming in a shark infected water 🙁 ) and he also warned me. He told ” I think you are too good for me “
Good name you have adopted there.
Sure is, to be fair, you are helping so many people. HG you are truly amazing. The work you put into this blog. You said yourself you despise people equally, that you do not discriminate. I think you are amazing. You have helped me so much. The things I have been through, the hell physically and psychologically. I have had therapy, but the fact that you yourself know exactly how the narcisstic psychopath thinks. The fact you dedicate your time and energy to this forum. Well, it shows me that despite everything deep down, there is light within the darkness after all.
You were warned? Sometimes not. A true psychopath, not a narcissist does not warn. There is no red light. It is a sucker punch. Do not go with strangers, even as an adult. The snake. The apex predator. Trust me, I was a victim of a psychopath. Not a narcissist and only through my empathy did I survive the ordeal. Sometimes there is no warning. Only the common sense that is told over and over. Do not go with strangers! Even when you are an adult.
You are welcome and thank you.
A question. What makes them so enthralling to you? Is it the confidence? The adrenaline rush? I have always found it fascinating why good people are drawn to this behaviour. A bit like a magnet. Positive and negative. Please do tell.