Knowing the Narcissist : Letter to the Narcissist No. 124

Hi N,
When we met 15 months ago you said to someone: “be careful, she is a dangerous woman”. I knew you were triangulating me and i felt like “dangerous” was projection. I am not the one who went to jail for a decade, i am not the one who uses coke and speed. I am not the one who is a drugdealer.I am not the one who cannot hear the word “no”.
My problem is i can accept people for who they are. Maybe i am just naive? Maybe i just cannot believe people can be this cruel.
I am not as paranoïd as you. You know what? Although i saw all (most likely not all) the red flags you still had this influence on me, like some sort of magnet.
Intrigued, i would say.  One of my friends warned me for you. I didnt listen.
We went out for a couple of beers a few weeks ago. We had fun. And yes, we kissed, not my first mistake in 15 months.
The first 13 months i never ever shared anything private about me, which was easy, you wanted to talk about yourself. Another red flag. Yet, you seemed to be able to observe and notice really well.
We went out again. We bumped into eachother (by accident?), i don’t have your phonenumber. This time we ended up at your place. I remember thinking going there “i can keep myself safe” ow boy, was i wrong. Thinking this should have been my personal red flag.
We kissed, you said you wanted to have sex. I said “no”. That was right after you wanted to reach for scissors while kissing.  Nice pityplays you tried on me. Thinking we could be honest i asked if you wanted me to leave, the answer was “yes, you should go”
“Okay” i said and i turned my back on you to grab my things and leave.
That’s when you attacked me. You headlocked me and said: “don’t think you can escape without sex, my di** is hard, we are going to have sex”
I needed to freeze in order to keep breathing. You let go and attacked me again. We fought briefly, then i fawned. Do you know what? I have never been this kind to someone and not meaning it at all, yet, you fell for it. Was it the validation i gave you? Did you really believe i wanted another beer and a cigarette? I really have no idea. I ran like hell to get away from you. I just hope i closed the door, so your dog didn’t ran away. Another personal red flag; you handled her with agression. Maybe it’s best your dog did ran away and found herself a new home.
What makes you think this behavior is okay?
What makes you think your no is okay, and mine isn’t?
I am curious to know what you did with my cardigan and shoes. It”s nice evidence. Please, don’t answer this question, i don’t care about my clothes.
I feel sorry for you, you are in your late 50s showing this kind of behavior.
I dont want to see you ever again. Police are involved, i will protect other women. I am aware i am not the first or the last. This is probably challenge fuel to you.
Thank you for this lesson.
I will heal. I need professional help with this, ,still i dont want you to impact my life.

One thought on “Knowing the Narcissist : Letter to the Narcissist No. 124

  1. Who Cares says:

    MTM,

    Thank-you for sharing your letter, and I am sorry you had to endure that.
    It’s a good thing you found your way to HG’s work.
    All the best in your healing journey.

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