Knowing the Narcissist : The Relational Tower



I sit up on high in my Relational Tower. I can see so much from this throne.

I look to the north and see the golden and shimmering lines which extend from me to my loyal subjects across the land. I see my supporters, my followers and my coterie going about their daily lives but all the while connected to me. They feel such privilege to be linked to me, their liege and I feed on that sense of privilege and the admiration and that adoration which is entwined around it.

I look to the south and see yet more lines of sparkling gold which link between me and my most devout lieutenants. From my vantage point I can signal to them and they will obey, carrying out my commands, executing my diktats and honouring my instructions. It is a source of great comfort to gaze in their direction and observe their industry on my behalf.

I look to the east and frown at the assembled legions which march towards me. The malcontents, the rejected, the fools and the idiots, all those who have taken up against me and now march in the expectation that they will unseat me. Yet further lines span out from me to these traitors. Dark purple lines, nearly invisible against the glowering firmament, these multitudinous lines which have those transgressors permanently attached to me and through which I pull, twist and yank. They moan, they wail and they lament their fate but there is no hope for any other for these are those who bear the stain of betrayal, the putrid stench of sedition emanates from their shambling frames. Let them come, let them advance towards me and I shall watch them as they break against my tower, like waves against the rocks as they are sent scattering and dissipating into so much spray. I watch them from afar, sometimes commanding my lieutenants to enter the fray to cajole and direct, a myriad of gold and purple shimmering and glinting as the lines combine. From time to time the purple becomes golden as by my most glorious bounty I bestow the wondrous joy upon the select few.

I look to the west and there I see you. You shine with such glory, the golden line between you and I fizzing with effervescence. A thick line which coils about your wrists, torso and throat, sending that precious essence towards me. There are days when that connection will dim to the purple of guilt, the thick line becoming stretched and thinned, but never ever breaking. I watch you as you journey towards me, face upturned, eyes rapturous, hands outstretched as the light burns brighter and those who are less than me would struggle to gaze upon you, but I always will. Though I may turn my face away from you from time to time, my dark eyes will always look for you.

I watch you all as you journey towards me, the supporters, the lieutenants, the outcasts and you. I can see it all from this elevated position as I organise, direct and orchestrate. I know what you want. I know what you all want, each and every one of you.

I am attached to you all, you are bound to me, some tighter than others, some with those chains which bite and burn, others who raise no objection to their silken bondage, but all are bound to me. I made it so. I wanted that. I am connected to so many of you. I have a relationship with each and every one. Our relational proximity varies from stranger to intimate partner, from minion to inner circle friend, from colleague to family member and so on. Relationships. I have them by the hundred and create more each day, reaching out with my tendrils of gold and purple in order to remain exactly where I want to be – at the centre in my tower.

I know why you all head towards me. You want to enter this tower and thus gain admittance to me. You wish to unlock the vast gate and pass through the imposing portal to enable you to climb the winding stone steps, each time passing without hindrance or complication through the many doors and gates which guard my inner sanctum.

I know you want to enter my inner sanctum.

Some of you want to cradle what you find there. Some of you wish to possess what your eyes will rest upon. Some of you wish to claim a portion for yourselves and be forever imbued with its effects. Some of you wish to release what is in this inner sanctum. Some of you wish to understand what lies there. Some of you wish to destroy what is revealed.

Whatever it might be, the hundreds of relationships which I have, no matter how long, how strong and how tightly bound or otherwise these may be all seek to enter my Relational Tower and penetrate the inner sanctum.

This cannot happen.

I made this tower. I built it high. I built the walls deep and thick, constructed from the stones of denial and the slabs of deflection all held in place with the mortar of fuel. I fashioned the thick timbers of the door from projection, the timber bolted together through triangulation and the lock created from a steely gaze and iron resolve. The heavy bar that is set against it arose from the blame-shifting. I have set many traps and pitfalls within this tower in order to prevent anybody reaching the inner sanctum. The stone steps are smeared with vitriol, the walls spiked with character assassination, cauldrons wait to pour their heated fury onto you and cast you in deep pits of despair. The stone is so thick that there is only ever silence here, it as if the very walls are giving you a cold and baleful stare. Everything that I have learned will be used to impede your progress, hamper and hinder you so you may not ever reach that inner sanctum.

I know you all want to go there. I know you want to reach deep inside of me, into my inner sanctum but I must not allow it. I dare not. I cannot admit anybody. Ever.

I built this tower high. I built it thick. I made it impenetrable.

I built it to keep you out.

I built it to keep me in.

We are always connected but so long as I remain in my Relational Tower in such splendid isolation then my inner sanctum remains preserved and so do I.

48 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : The Relational Tower

  1. annaamel says:

    I really like this piece of writing. The entire description, the whole scene – the central tower and everything around it – reads as a self portrait to me.

    While I understand the solidity and strength of the tower, I think both outside and inside are needed to form the whole. And in those four surrounding and distinct quadrants, anyone and everyone would necessarily fall. I’d think these quadrants would probably be quite stable, with perhaps slight changes in membership here and there, but with their essential purposes, goals and defining characteristics unchanging, predictable.

    As part of ‘everyone’, family would also need to be within these groups, but they would not all have to be in the same quadrants. I’d imagine some (maybe many) would be in the North or East. Several (a significant and pressing number) would be in the South and maybe not so much coming towards the tower as much as waiting, unaware, to be met where they are.

    The west has just one person. I used to think it was an IPPS. But now I’m inclined to think it’s also family.

    While the tower is in place (and necessary because of being surrounded by so many who could theoretically do harm even if it was only to try take tiny pieces for themselves) no one can enter. And if the outside is part of the inside, and the two are intrinsically part of a whole, for just one person to enter, all the boundaries would have to collapse, both between and around the quadrants as well as between them and the tower (or where it stood). All would have to become one. To allow just one person to enter.

    If this tower came into existence at the moment it was needed, when the temporary protections proved too weak, it was a child who entered. And that child grew up within the tower, and within its four, distinctly populated environs, and was there through adolescence with its tumultuous changes, and there though young adulthood with its experimentations and assertions of independence and character, its seeking of satisfaction, its pursuit of action and experience. Was there through the thirties with their call to stability and seriousness, and out the other side again. This whole world, made while still a child, has been in place ever since.

  2. Jamie says:

    Gosh, H.G…such sadness, conveyed in such beautiful writing. Won’t you EVER leave your tower? Will you ever love ANYONE?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am incapable of love.

      1. Duchessbea says:

        HG, I very much agree with Jamie. I also would muster if you could love, you would be an incredible person in a relationship. Who knows maybe next lifetime you will come back as an Empath.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Fortunately I ticked the box “I do not wish to come back as an Empath” on the Death Form.

          1. A Victor says:

            Hahaha, this is hilarious!

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            “ I do not wish to come back as an empath.”

            Rumour has it God is a narc.

            Oh well. Shark again then.

          3. Witch says:

            you didn’t read the fine print
            *you cannot escape your karmic debt

            That means you’ll come back as a codependent in the next life
            The life after that you may come back super

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I have the Karma Does Not Apply Card (Because it’s a concept relied on by those who lose to make them feel better) thus karmic debt gets fucked sky high into the N/A box

          5. Witch says:

            And it was a concept invented by the Elites so the peasants didn’t kill them

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Karma Police! Please, arrest this man…

          7. HG Tudor says:

            They’ve been defunded. ULM.

          8. Jordyguin says:

            Raise your hands Mr. Tudor. We are refunded.

          9. HG Tudor says:

            I am a lot taller than you, so if I raise my hands, how are you going to handcuff them?

            Besides, you are not re-funded, no bugger off and pester someone else!

          10. KitKat says:

            You’re always talking about winners and losers like it’s this huge insult, Sir I just hope both teams have fun.

          11. Jordyguin says:

            How am I going to handcuff them? Wings of course.

          12. HG Tudor says:

            They were burned off.

          13. Jordyguin says:

            Multipass karma

          14. HG Tudor says:

            Multipass is invalid, past expiration date.

          15. Witch says:

            “ I am a lot taller than you, so if I raise my hands, how are you going to handcuff them?”

            I have a ladder

          16. HG Tudor says:

            Ladders burn as is the one you are now standing on. You know I love fire.

          17. Witch says:

            I know that’s why the ladder is stainless steel and I’m wearing fire resistant gear

            *click clack

          18. HG Tudor says:

            Problem you have is you’ve nothing to lean the ladder against.

          19. Joa says:

            Ha ha ha, dialogue on the level of my little nephews 🙂

            Although yes, I remember many situations with N1, who was 186 cm and taller than me, when he holding some object of mine and I jumped around him 🙂 This kind of “teasing” always ended up in bed 🙂

            The height difference between me and N1 was only 13 cm. I have a friend, who is shorter than her husband by almost 40 centimeters. Recently, during a similar “teasing”, he locked her in a wardrobe for 15 minutes, ha ha ha. Funny and damn annoying at the same time! When he finally opened the closet door, his wife didn’t come out, but a charged ball of energy that burned everything for 2 days 🙂

          20. KitKat says:

            You distract him by shoving a mirror in front of his face and then I’ll jump on his back and climb him like a tree

          21. HG Tudor says:

            If you think that will distract me given the hyper focus forged by my psychopathy, you need to do more reading here.

          22. Witch says:

            You and I both know there’s ladders that stand on their own

            The click has been clacked

            Take him away

        2. Jordyguin says:

          I’m holding the ladder Witch! go go go

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Too easy for me to kick the ladder away.

          2. Jordyguin says:

            Good! Then my hands are free to deliver the message from Karma:

            Good morning Mr Tudor, your mission should you decide to accept it is to go undercover via your life experience in order to infiltrate the vipers nest, to end the satanic terror this ill mentality is choosing to force upon others in their labyrinth of pain they can’t find a way out anymore.
            The hidden meaning of the necessity for the One is the search for your Handler who would apply the correct key combination and remove the hypnosis of your legend after your mission will be completed. Every One was/is One-key for the combination. When the mission is completed – the constructs necessity will self destruct in one lifetime.

      2. KitKat says:

        Do you love yourself?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Only in front of the mirror

          1. KitKat says:

            That’s hot.
            Sorry, couldn’t resist

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Nobody can.

          3. Jordyguin says:

            „Only in front of the mirror“

            Replace mirror with empath, KitKat.
            Nothing else comes close to our adoration.
            Double hot.

      3. Whitney says:

        Hello HG, you have loved. Your heart was broken.
        Now you love us. Some people define love as a verb.

  3. Richard says:

    Great read, I’m convinced that what you are is just a nutcase with delusions of grandeur and that you are mentally ill, that’s what happens when mommy and daddy teach you disfunctional ways of relating, none the less thanks for showing the world, happy feeding

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      “That’s what happens when mommy and daddy teach you dysfunctional ways of relating.”

      A Richard III.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Surely nothing as grand as that. Just another random Dick.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:


        2. Viol. says:

          Richard engages in Pity Plays, with the audience as well as Lady Anne. Does HG?

          1. HG Tudor says:


    2. Duchessbea says:

      Richard, don’t know you, but your comment is a bit below the belt and totally unwarranted. Perhaps you have been hurt by a narc which in a way would explain your comment, but if not and you are just making the comment for the sole purpose of hurting or insulting HG, you are well off the mark. HG is very open about who he is and he has helped thousands of people who are very grateful to him for his time, his incredible help, and his great and much needed work. When you can claim to have such an incredible work ethic, dedication to helping people and being a decent person irrespective of narcissism and psychopathy etc., then by all means state your case, until then, your silence is golden. Warmest regards.

      1. thoushaltnotbeignored says:

        Ok, ok, HG’s blog lieutenant .. sir, yes sir, no.1A .. Really? Just lay off, ok. I’m pretty sure HG doesn’t need such lashings of protection.

        1. annaamel says:

          I feel confident that DB will respond here and I look forward to reading her response but I will add a few general points of my own.

          One of the appeals to me of this blog is the empaths who make up the bulk of the readership base or at least the majority of the reply section of posts. So much discussion on the internet is a series of non empathic responses. Narcissists, especially if middle rangers under the impression they are empaths, are particularly wearisome because they either cannot see or attempt to defend their unempathic responses and attitude. They will attack and attack others but cannot see their responses as damaging or unnecessary, and they think they are simply putting much needed logic and clarity into the world. There is no point in arguing about the tone of their responses or the boundary transgressions, entitlement or imperiousness evident and inappropriate, because they are unable to appreciate and perhaps cannot even understand those criticisms.

          But I shall write this.

          TBS – a narcissist’s Lieutenant must do a lot of heavy lifting as part of their role and it’d probably be more noticeable if DB we’re doing this. Occasional defence of the narcissist is fairly low level support especially if it’s in response to an attack which is unkind or unfair. That’s fairly common empathic behaviour. DB is not doing enough here to qualify her as a Lieutenant. She would be more likely to fall under Coterie (and remote Coterie at that). As well as being empathic in general she is loyal to and feels attached to HG. She’s stepped into the discussion because she has believed those criticisms of HG to be incorrect, and as an empath she finds Richard’s smear unjust. Its rudeness has bothered her too, unsurprisingly.

          It’s possible DB may wish to upgrade herself to (Remote) Lieutenant at some point and if this is the case she will need to start bulking up and put a few other areas of her life on hold because it would require a more substantial commitment from her in terms of time and action.
          But till then, 1A she is not,

          1. thoushaltnotbeignored says:

            Coterie ,, Lieutenant. Po-tay-to ,, Po-tar-to.
            A big sigh from me, I’m afraid.

  4. Joa says:

    “And, sit there!”

    This is to:
    – N2 in his bamboo hut.
    – And to someone else, in his glass ball with RIGID rays of gold.


    This is a beautiful text.

    Warm and sad at the same time. The perfect combination. My favorite set.

    Thanks for the reminder.

  5. EveBea says:

    Skilful writing, kudos.
    I interpreted the relational tower with the foundations of the narcissism mechanism, although built taller over time through conscious evolution of, and practice of “what works”. I also interpreted the inner sanctum as the core of the narcissist, the creature that has to be hidden, the vulnerable centre. No one can see the core, under all of the spiral stairs.
    The eye of Sauron at the top of the tower, watching all.
    However when his eye is fixed in one direction he misses other things. Thankfully, otherwise Frodo and Sam would have been screwed! Alongside all the empaths that managed to slip away, albeit in smelly orc armour.

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