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44 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Inside the Mind of a Narcissistic Psychopath”
The only thing I can be bothered taking the time to watch right now is mediaeval, or maybe UK crime (plus a nightly dose of Friends, which is an ongoing staple while cooking dinner). But I especially want the mediaeval .. how did I not find out about The Last Kingdom, until after Seven Kings Must die. 🗡🗡🗡
HG’s first track is stuck on a loop inside my head and has been for a few days now, and that’s okay .. I think I understand why, but choose not to analyse .. and simply enjoy. 🎶
Update .. it’s still there. Morning, noon and, yes, night. Should I be concerned ..❓
No, just embrace your indoctrination.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I very much enjoyed your reflective pics, soothing yet energising music and a glimpse into your inner sanctum.
Thank you for the opportunity.
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Excelente my dearest HG.
This is very exciting. Looking forward to the new work.
This is my interpretation of the video and music. It is of course unique to HG and his mind, and of course only my personal interpretation.
A strong but lonely tower sits in the middle of a beautiful ocean. Protected by a vast body of water and strong stone walls. The sky behind it is beautiful. All is calm. There are steps up the tower, leading to the top. So if one is able to cross the lake, it is possible to enter the tower through the steps. The bottom of the tower is full of life and green. At the top, however it becomes colder and darker.
The ice surrounds the tower, once again surrounded by a vast body of water. Protected. Calm cold, beautiful. Lonely but hopeful.
The towers are strong, protected.
The music is calm, full of longing, and hope. Alone but content.
Images of towers, castles, keeps. The trees, ice, oceans.
Deep and calm. Well protected fortresses.
Fantasies of dragons. A bridge to cross that looks unsafe and doesn’t really lead to anywhere.
A knight in armour. Ready to fight, protect and defend.
The tree alone on an island surrounded by a body of water.
Hermit house in a deep forest
An empty vessle, the lights are on, but there is nobody inside.
Fantasy integrated into reality. Water under a bridge.
Creations alone in a fantasy forest
The sword in the stone.
Inside a darkness waiting to be unleashed. Well controlled. A paragon.
A constant battle enrages. To control the paragon. To protect.
A dark solitude surrounded by life
A world protected and unseen by others. A fantasy
It is all a game of a chess always won by the master.
Constant changes need to be made to alleviate the boredom.
The calm must be maintained at all times.
Trapped inside. There is a screaming. An unending screaming. It tries to escape, but the calm must prevail. So high up. If to fall destruction would be the outcome. Where is the up and down?
The hunt must go on. It never ends. It is an infinite hunger that can never be satiated.
Everything has it’s expiry date.
Ready to fight
Darkness surrounded by light
A black hole able to consume and feed from energy
Deceptive, deep, dark and dangerous
An iceburg under the sea
Deeper than anyone can comprehend or understand
TS!! Do tell, what did you see, hear and felt from this video? I’m most curious! Would also love to hear from others who wishes to share!
I’m sensitive to music. I’ve only recently realised just how sensitive. I experience frisson ( both physical and emotional) with some types of music and I have been exploring what the cause of that is. Some tracks I would expect to cause it don’t, and others I wouldn’t expect to cause it do. I do have a theory about what it is in the music that causes that response, in me at least. I think it’s quite likely personal to individuals though, not formulaic for a group.
I think it’s a clever soundtrack. I can see why the tracks were chosen. I think if empaths are sensitive to images, the two together would be powerful in creating an emotional response. I’m not image sensitive, I create my own mental images in line with what I’m listening to. I can appreciate the draw of the images chosen though.
In terms of my own emotional response to the video, if there was any, no comment.
The online narc and I had a joint playlist. Some nights we wouldn’t talk or text, instead the conversation would take place through the songs each added to the playlist. It wasn’t based on song titles or lyrics, it was done through the mood of the music, each finding the mental state of the other, moving it in one direction or another. Those conversations lasted for hours and I miss them. I miss that process, the apparent meeting of minds, not the narc himself.
So in this case, with this video, if it had been a ‘conversation’ I could have answered.
TS, that’s very typical. I did it with N1 and N2 (I still do). I like conducting “musical dialogues”.
Narcissists love to lie in this veiled way. They didn’t say anything, they didn’t promise anything, did they?
Also with my daughter, we communicate through music very often. By dogs. By gesture, when passing by each other. By looking. So many different channels beyond words.
Behind of speech.
Like NOTHING, and yet EVERYTHING.
As for the HG movie. This time, it doesn’t get to me.
That’s okay. I find many other interesting things here.
I haven’t experienced anything similar to those conversations with the online narc before. Just him. I don’t expect to experience similar again.
Thinking about it, there were times where I went too deep, he lost where I was. When that happened, he would add a comedy song, something ridiculous and entirely unrelated. So he could follow to a point but beyond that point, he lost track of where I was. Then he would spoil it and break the connection.
On the whole I don’t think people often experience music in that way. They might say, “Oh that’s pretty” or, “That makes me think of this movie or that” or, “That’s a very sad song.” It’s kind of a surface level listening.
That’s not it. That isn’t what I experience. In some ways the only way to describe it is to use music itself.
Agree, it is a lie and an insulting lie.
As I understand it, narcissists use the music to manipulate our feelings, but they are not emotionally invested in the way that we are (reading things into it), so any tracking is just to gauge how well the manipulation is working on us. So, In saying he lost track of where you were, do you mean he could no longer figure out how to respond appropriately with the music because he doesn’t actually feel it like we do and unintentionally ruined the mood?
When I read what you wrote, I took it purely as manipulation. Not as he lost track of where you were, but rather he recognized you were at the emotional depth that he wanted you and then spoiled it on purpose to inflict the pain he wanted you to feel.
Not only Narcissists. I manipulate my own emotions myself – through music.
My daughter is also a talented beast 🙂 She can turn me up beautifully, in the way she wants 🙂
My mood can change dramatically in a matter of seconds. From a dark land without light, hope and rescue into a euphoric fountain or into delicate tenderness and reconciliation with the world or into a passionate hailstorm. And vice versa, because I also love sadness and darkness. And sometimes I need to put myself in that state.
I like to manipulate myself – regardless of life circumstances that also affect 🙂
I guess that’s why I can burst with carefree optimism and look at the world with an understanding smile, having an empty bank account, one banknote in the wallet, an empty gas tank and 3 products in the fridge, ha ha ha 😀
Or… I just have great luck with self-solvable cases and always falling on four paws 🙂
From conversations with my friends, it appears that a lot of people “lose” this skill (musical sensitivity) after they get out of their teenage years.
The image and smell also have a strong effect on me. A scent for sadness and a scent for joy, a scent for bitterness and a scent for vertigo, a scent for longing and a scent for triumph – I have them all and much more 🙂
“My” Narcissists definitely had an easy job. I did most for them 🙂 They could lie flat cake and drink cream 🙂
It’s more than likely simple mirroring on the part of the narcissist. I didn’t read into it in a romantic sense, more, the emotional response that a particular song generated would be matched by the response song from the narcissist. So we would move along a certain emotional theme each adding and then amending slightly as you would slightly move subject in a verbal conversation but it would remain relevant to the theme and mood of the conversation.
Then occasionally he would lose track of where I was emotionally, there would be a song or two that didn’t fit, then all of a sudden the stupid song, he added a really loud heavy metal song once as well haha!
I think you’re right. He had me where he wanted me emotionally so then just let go of it. Letting go of it or spoiling it would make him feel in control. Thought fuel from my imagined reaction.
It was cleverly done. I’ll give him that.
I wonder if repeated reminders to self when hearing certain songs that remind us of certain people can take the emotions away that you feel when you hear the songs. The more I remind myself of what manipulation is and the reasoning behind it, the easier it gets. It’s not a natural way of thinking for me since I am so used to trusting that people live driven by their own volition and trusting they mean well since I mean well to them. It’s really amazing how the repeated practice of what I have learned from you has helped in my everyday life. And the kind words from people in this blog. It takes a lot for me to understand and comprehend things. Mostly because of the depth that I need of the subject. If that makes sense. Or maybe I am hard headed. But it takes knowing the whys and how’s of everything. Which is why I have repeatedly listened to your videos (HG).
The only bad experience I’ve had with narcs in relation to music was this:
When I was a kid someone came to school to talk about cigarettes and how bad they are for you. From then I became fixated on how bad cigarettes are for you and felt it was morally wrong to smoke. (HG’s probably laughing at me right now 🤣)
There was a certain period in matrinarc’s life where she threatened to smoke cigarettes and i would become really upset and have a melt down.
On one occasion she did this in front of me and we were in a car and a song was playing on the radio and then the song became associated with the memory and for some time after, I hated that song because it would cause a flashback.
The reminders to self might work. My friend battled his ET similarly. When a thought of the narc popped into his mind and he missed her, felt upset, he would take the thought but then force himself to think of a time where the narc devalued him. So he reminded himself that the positive association was just ET and the negative memory was the reality. That worked better for him than trying to dismiss the original thought.
You might be able to do similar with music. Personally I remove myself if it’s a really significant song. I think certainly at the start post escape, music is a form of everpresence so it’s best to treat it like a photograph, text message or souvenir of the relationship and get rid of it / don’t listen. Over time as ET falls I have let certain songs back in, certain songs though are permanently outlawed.
I do think music can be a really strong marker to a time and place. It can be positive which I love, but equally it can be negative. It’s interesting the way our minds link things together.
Yes, me too, I’ll manipulate my own emotions through music. It’s less about changing my mood though and more about wanting to feel something. I want to experience an emotional depth, particularly on a day where I’ve been mostly alone or I’ve had just surface level ‘small talk’ interactions.
It isn’t how a narcissist needs the emotion to power or validate him. It’s more just a desire to feel something more. That’s when I’ll put headphones on and go to where I want to go emotionally. It’s never to a happy place though. It’s never bouncy or uplifting, it’s darker. I think the more negative emotions are more complex, rarely just one strand to them. There’s an emotional complexity there, I think I’m looking for depth / complexity in what I’m feeling and music is the ideal conduit for that.
Images, not so much. An image will remind me of a person place or idea, it’s a prompt or a road sign to direct me to a memory or experience. Otherwise my own imagination creates more abstract images itself and I’ll sink into those. As a kid I didn’t like my books to have pictures. I created the pictures as I read. I’m similar with films, if I’ve read the book, I create what the character looks and sounds like. A film representation of the same character often just grates on me.
Smells, those take me back to time and place and very vividly but a smell wouldn’t create a mood in me if it wasn’t linked to a memory.
It’s interesting how we all experience things. There are real similarities then personal differences mixed in. I remember you manipulating your emotions through music. I think you really understand what I mean there 🙂
I’m the same way with music and recently realized it as well! I was talking to my therapist about how certain moments in songs give me goosebumps or make me cry and she suggested that specific chord changes could be triggers.
It’s amazing when the music is uplifting, but I sometimes find myself bothered by the fact that I can’t control what’s playing in public—does that ever bother you?
Like is it really necessary for me to be crying while grabbing frozen spinach at the grocery store because they’re playing Goo Goo Dolls 🤣
That’s interesting about chord changes. I have noticed that too. Sadly I’m not musical but there is a specific chord change that seems to give me a physical frisson response. I do think there’s a combination of musical elements involved though. There is the chord change, but also what happens before and after, repetition of a background tune that runs throughout tends to help too. I used to be very into dance music, still am to a degree. There’s a layering in dance music so I listen very deeply in layers, I don’t listen just in terms of one cohesive sound. I’m getting closer, I’ve isolated various things that feed into it.
The emotional frisson is different. For me anyway. There I can hear and feel the emotion and it’s very precise. So someone might say the emotion is sad and I’m sitting there lost in regret haha! Specific instruments, and combination of instruments plus the key play in to the emotional frisson but I’m noticing other things on that too.
Hahaha! Googoo Dolls in the freezer section eh? “Clean up on aisle 8!” I’m affected when out and about but not often. I think there are too many distractions for me. I’m people focussed, so my attention will be there rather than the background music. I don’t respond to songs with lyrics as well either. Again the lyrics are a distraction I’ll think “What did they mean by that?” or I’ll put the lyrics in my frame of personal reference to agree or disagree. I’m very busy minded, easily distracted. There are songs that were relevant to my past that I can’t listen to. If one of those came on in a shop, I’d remove myself for a few minutes and go back in. They are more like a trigger, and I would respond no matter how distracted.
I’m glad you respond to uplifting music. That must be lovely. I don’t. I respond emotionally to the negative emotions only. I can’t be uplifted through music. I can be charged by music though. More like an attack mode, a ‘have at it’ response. If I’m going for a max weight test in the gym and I reach my limit, I play a specific song, at a specific point in the song I try the lift again. It works every time! Haha! ‘Have at it’ 🙂
In all honesty I didn’t really get it
I think I understand it a bit more now that HG has said it’s about how he uses music
I’m not really understanding the medieval knight reference
Luv you Witch! You make me laugh on so many occasions. Straight forward and honest. Mwa!
Here is what I think. The medieval reference has a special place in HG’s mind as being one of his favorite ages amongst others. The references to the Knights, Excalibur and castles is also a reference to the age which served a basis for todays view for the fantasy/romantic medieval period or at least how authors, artists view it to this day and continue to use (see Game of Thrones and others).
It was a very unique ruling system of The Knights Of The Round Table, a better one than we have now on a global scale. (Monarchy in my opinion would be a better option in general, since there is more time for one ruler to make and sustain the changes a society needs over a long period of time and certain changes can be done only over a long period of time and not via ca 4-5 years and than another ruler comes along – throw the attempts of the changes of his predecessor out of the window and start with his own and after 4-5 year the same occurs. It is a lousy management which makes it more difficult than it needs to be for the society to stop loosing itself in a constant contradiction of what it really needs. Compared to the golden ages of certain rulers in the past who were able to make quality changes because they simply had more time. The challenge is to raise a wise ruler and have wise advisers around him. Thus the The Knights Of The Round Table — the King was surrounded by 12 Knights, 12 energies of the zodiac, 12 qualities of the day-night continuum; representing different qualities, encompassing the whole spectrum for decision making. Thus the crowns of that periods also had 12 spikes. The knowledge in those times were richer than we have now, I dare say…)
Further in that myth the relation to the Holy Grail and the search for it — centers the search the human continue to bother with even if he is not aware where it comes from. The Holy Grail can stand for different things. This age was on the brink of two worlds of a pagan society and the upcoming religion but also reason/scientific based approach for the human condition, slowly dividing the human further of his connection with nature. Also the legend of the todays monarchs being related to those mythic characters and events. It can be viewed historically or/and fantasy inspirational.
The combination of the classical/modern music layering over certain images creates a personal interpretation about HG but also about ourselves if we fit a certain category, seeing it all come together. Depends on our relationship with the genre of music, imagery and information. Also there are references to HG’s personal story as you probably saw, but also about HG’s internal state. It’s a multiple approach there.
I think what I don’t understand is how it relates to how HG uses music.
I understand that music is used by a narcissist as part of the seduction, in order to bond someone to the narcissist through association to the music, this might occur through sending someone a song and saying “this reminds me of you” to playing certain music while having sex. and I suppose music can also be used to devalue someone.
It can also be used as part of the construct whereby the narcissist uses it to fit in and be able to relate to others, (to appear creative, artistic, quirky etc) it can also be used as part of the narcissist’s grandiosity (“look at me, I know all of these obscure bands that you have never heard of because I’m so cool and interesting”)
But I still don’t understand what a knight has to do with that specifically? 🤣
Is it that HG sees himself as a knight, a knight in shining armour rescuing the empath? I don’t get it
The dominant theme in those images, to me, was isolation. Perhaps the armour relates to feeling isolated while even with others, with the armour forming a protective barrier.
RE-Music: Music is of course a language of its own. A language of a specific vibration, might be even stronger than the spoken language (of our time) and has almost a magical component to it; allowing the perception of the more subtle nature. Certain music is more precise with feelings and inner visuals and has in general a strong full-body-impact; as it builds a connection to our sensory archives and may let our attention travel further than it used to in our daily survival process, as music may release us into the inward mode. Depending on the actual music as well, varying in mood, genre, depths and structure, it will make the alignment either easy, challenging or impossible.
The other moment about music; with many individuals tears will easily flow as they listen to it. Tears sometimes compress the understanding which overwhelms the humans faster than they are able to express or process via mind-description, in order to make the observation of the subconscious and what it brings to the fore. Some tears will be linked to life experiences and relationships and evoke buried or active emotions related to the character of the person. Thus the incomparable power of music as it may uncover different layers of the individual.
It’s interesting that narcissists intensively choose this medium, either aware or instinctively. That’s peculiar because it’s communication via a specific vibration which also may contain the map of the individuals needs; also of a more „unreachable“ or not yet manageable spheres. Narcissists may mirror, but also choose for themselves a language, a message they wish to convey about their subconscious, aside the manipulation or along with it. Depends if one could see the difference or the accumulation of the two.
HG’s skill demonstrate the ability to tap into the subconscious and the conscious of the „human-map“ of the listener via music/visuals. It may correlate with different fields and align with it. Thus it’s a very comforting option as we immediately know if we like the music or not; if there is a message for us or not.
RE- Knights: A Knight is a worrier who forges on all kind of different fronts…….A King is nothing without his Knights…….The Knights were the independent ones…….The Knight decide and choose the battle or the King he follows…….The historic significance of the Templars comes to mind also……
Many aspects to the Knights there are, my young Padawan😁
I see where it could represent defence..
There were a few images of knights so I’m guessing it’s significant somehow? So I’m wondering whether HG wants people to view him like knight
I googled “what does and knight symbolise” and “what does a knight represent and got
“ A knight’s code of conduct included: mercy, humility, honor, sacrifice, faithfulness, courage, utmost graciousness and courtesy toward women.”
“ These values go back to the Middle Ages when the history of chivalry began. We owe knights for this specific code of honour. Bravery, loyalty, protection of the weak and the worship of women – all were major moral ideals in the Middle Ages.”
I think it has something to do with his facade
A Knight also wears protective armour. There is a being vulnerable to injury under that shell.
Maybe HG just likes the Knightlife and likes to boogie.
NA, how right you are with the boogie!!
The medieval armor is unpractical in a combat situation, I was told. The metal is so thin, apparently one could cut with a kitchen knife through it. Most helmets would narrow the view completely, you can’t see what’s coming from the sides or turn your head at all; you would have to turn with your whole body if you’d need a side look. Not to mention the difficulty in simply moving (forget fighting) with all the pieces on you, covering every body part including fingers (difficulty in bending and handling a weapon). In some cases the armor is even one piece bust+shoulder+backside+waist+hip together – movement of the body is blocked almost fully. Now, swing a long sword (another unpractical weapon compared to the more effective short sword or knife) on top of that, without really being able to lift the arm for striking. In a life and death situation it’s the last thing on earth you would want to wear.
It was more of a showcase armor for the wealthy and the royalty and not a mass production possibility either in order to have armies of knights, in those pieces of art rather. Plus the armors are not showing any major signs of being used in battles anyway (no scratches or dents really). Replicas show that type of signs, interestingly….
Maybe in later periods; isolated pieces for some body parts and an open-view-helmet have served a purpose, but the full body thing as in medieval cases is hindering if not suicidal. The films of course make it look possible……films🔮
The boogie theory is more plausible than the official one. The full body armor looks absolutely dope for a showcase scenario. Combined with some hot moves……let it rustle, baby.
Ha ha ha, I didn’t want to write this, but I can’t resist! 🙂
When I started watching the movie, I thought to myself: “Oh, okay, you’re a knight. Oh, okay, you’re a hobbit. Holy shit, are you still a kid?” 🙂
I definitely prefer real HG videos of his renovated farmhouse, the view of the meadow and my idea of an ordinary man. Maybe even with a brush or a hammer in hand. Ha ha ha 🙂
Sorry HG, I know the word “ordinary” is perojative for you. For me – quite the opposite.
An ordinary human is an ideal.
Pejorative – sorry, I didn’t notice the wrong translation, recently I stopped checking the correctness of Google translations so meticulously. Hmm…
Mmmm picturing what you described there😁….You’d like to live on a farm? With chickens and fields and own veggies and fruits and stuff?
Is it the case that psychopathic children totally lack imagination? (I suppose it’s not just the children but rather that the lack of imagination would be more notable in children as they haven’tyet learn how to fit in).
I don’t remember the exact example you gave but you said that the psychopath is curious and thinks – hmm, wonder what the cat will look like if I put it on fire, and because you have no emotional emathy you put the cat on fire. This tells me that you are not able to imagine the final result. You got to see it. Is this correct?
Nice home in the tree. Like a dream, feels so peaceful and calm.
Must be a nightmare to a Narcissistic psychopath..
No, I have an expansive imagination, but that is linked to my Higher Executive Function and capacity for remembering so much, playing with it, shaping it and envisaging an outcome, others are not as talented.
Thank you HG.🖤
How can anyone who read HG’s writing think that he lacks imagination? We can all imagine many things, but that does not mean we would not want to experience them and confirm our imagining.
Because of the many other things that HG is able to master through intellectual ability.
I have a question please HG. You state that the music on the video represents how you intellectualise music. I’m not sure what you mean by that.
Do you mean that the music portrays your emotional states / is representative of your internal landscape? Or, do you mean that the music choice samples music that you find appealing because of the structure of the individual tracks? What do you mean please?
It portrays how I’m able to use music.
“ It portrays how I’m able to use music.”
Ah. I see. Thank you for your response.
I downloaded your songs on my apple playlist. Well done. Would love a classical list and a modern on those under 20! Funny story my daughter is going to Coachella. My ex is successful in the music industry. So he calls me from time to time and I tell him my daughter is going to Coachella. He says he is working with Frank ocean and will only be there Sunday. I think poor L, never heard of Frank ocean, must be getting older and working on an unknown. Turns out the performer is headlining the event and my daughters favorite and reason for going! Oh my! So I am working on getting her backstage. But I would love a modern list too. I need it. Lol Love it! And chance of new lists? You interested in the younger prey? Lol
The music is such a heartbeat! Your compositions have a rare uniqueness, mixture and touch to them! The harmony of chords!!! In combination with the visuals it creates an intense imaginative in to this facet of your mind🌟🎼❤️🔥🎼📖🌳🏰🌹👏
This video was brilliantly thought out, the images took me back in those days when I was a child and I was always fascinated by them. I suppose I recognised that the “world” I lived in was different to the ones I saw in a book my father had – so similar in design, colour, scenes yet these included spaceships that were well imagined. I think looking at images like these as a child was because of the way my mind worked and just being in awe, as children may do. Some of the images were not ‘shrouded’ in darkness, yes they may have had more moons, or suns, mythical animals, dragons and so on. Then there was the ‘Star War’ films and I will forever be grateful that my father took me there, in his leather seat bound Jaguar 🙂
I have no doubt that some of these images also gave ideas to designing some of the iconic strange looking yet successful buildings around the world, probably driving some designers crazy! And builders too!.
Them ‘woke’ people who wanted to “amended” the likes of Roald Dahl’s works may have mythical and out of this world type images destroyed too!! No wonder such ‘black market’ sales of pieces take place!!
Thank you, HG, for your time in the creation of this video, such a masterpiece! I thoroughly enjoyed it and just wowed at what I was seeing. It made me feel so good to know, for a fact, that my father would also have approved. Goodnight, HG xxx
You are welcome.