Knowing the Narcisisst : Letter to the Narcissist : No. 139



To my ex,

  Not until I actually left and didn’t go back to you, did I realize what kind of man you were.  I couldn’t understand, I felt like I was going insane.  We married after a year, and then you changed.  You treated me with nothing but disrespect.  You were a horrible human being…I remember the thoughts going through my head…did you not know how to love?  Did you actually hate me?  Were you ever going to show respect?  Why would you never consider my needs?  Why won’t you let me do all the things I’ve always done before?  Why do you say you’re a Christian man, yet you won’t go to church?
  All your constant repeated stories, made me think you were just what I’ve always wanted.  You always help others in need…yet you won’t help me.  You have stories of being mistreated as a child, yet you refuse to help your own children and won’t let me help mine.  You were in the military…yet you have no self discipline.
You were onstage, with thousands  giving you a standing ovation.  You sing to me a couple of times, but I just can’t see it.  All of your ex wives did you wrong, cheated….but I consider our marriage, and can imagine why they would.  You don’t know how to be a loving husband, at all.
  When the abuse started, I got slapped across the face for no apparent reason.  You had been told not to ever put your hands on me…I had been physically abused in the past.  But looking back, I think it was my test…to see if I would stay with you.  And I did exactly what you wanted…I stayed.  Again and again…I stayed.  Even after it got bloody, I stayed.  I realize now, that there is something wrong with me, for allowing it.  I have no self respect, no boundaries ….you knew that.  That’s why you kept me there.  I would do whatever it took to hold on to you…the man with the mask.  I was conned into believing you were a good and decent man.  But you are nothing of the sort.  You , are the image of evil.  You want to hurt me, you know how.  And you do it well.
  I leave you my last time.  The final goodbye, after only 10 months of marriage.  You think I will return, like always.  But not this time.  Yes, it hurts to leave the man I thought was my forever…but it hurts more to stay.
Love shouldn’t be this hard, love shouldn’t feel this way…
  So in the end, you were not my love, but my lesson.  I have to learn from it and go on.  I am the one to deal with the pain, the heartbreak, the last goodbye.  All the crying in the world won’t change you…you are hopeless, you can’t be fixed.  I have finally accepted the fact…you, Sir, are a narcissist.  And nothing I could ever do would change that.  All the hope in my heart, makes me realize, that you will never even have a heart.  Your heart is EMPTY AND VOID.
  It’s your loss, not mine.  I would have given you the world, if only you had been a real man.
Best wishes on the remainder of your pathetic life…..
Your X

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