The Psychopath Watches the Erosion of Hope
I have repeatedly explained that hope is a false mistress and that people should not really rely on it. Reliance should instead be placed on evidence, clear decision-making and action. To trust to hope is to place yourself in the hands of randomness, yet, time and time again people do so and I have watched how that hope fades and drains from people.
I witness with a level of dispassion the gradual erosion of hope in the life of an individual. Hope, that flickering flame that promises possibilities and dreams, slowly becomes smothered and extinguished, leaving behind a trail of resigned despair.
I observe as hope emerges tentatively, lighting up the eyes of the individual, breathing life into their aspirations and ambitions. It is a powerful force that propels them forward, guiding their steps towards a future they can envision. It imbues each moment with a sense of purpose, infusing their actions with an expectation of better days to come.
However, as time passes, I witness hope wane, as the weight of life’s disappointments and struggles chip away at its foundation. The initial enthusiasm gives way to doubt, as one setback after another erodes their belief in the possibility of positive change. It is a slow and insidious process, as small disappointments compound, gradually eroding the foundation upon which their hopes and dreams were built.
I watch as they question their own abilities, doubting their capacity to weather the storms that life throws their way. They begin to see themselves as participants in a predetermined narrative, victims of circumstance rather than architects of their own destiny. With each passing disappointment, their resolve weakens, their spirit shrivels, and their hope begins to wither.
The once vibrant glow in their eyes fades, replaced by a dim, distant look, as if they are staring into a void. Their once buoyant spirit now appears burdened and weary, weighed down by the weight of unfulfilled expectations. Life loses its luster, as they find themselves trapped in a seemingly never-ending cycle of disappointment, unable to break free.
As an observer detached from their emotional landscape, I understand that hope’s gradual decline often mirrors the ebb and flow of external circumstances. Economic hardships, personal setbacks, failed relationships – all contribute to this fading sense of hope. Yet, there is also an internal transformation taking place. It is a slow surrender to apathy, a resignation to the belief that life will always be defined by struggle and disappointment.
Where once they dared to dream, now their aspirations shrink and fade. The once audacious ambitions give way to practicality, as they settle for mediocrity in an attempt to shield themselves from further disappointment. The spark of possibility dims, as they resign themselves to a life dictated by limitations.
I am not burdened by the emotional weight of their diminishing hope. I simply witness, analytically noting the muted emotions and dampened expectations. But even in my detached stance, I cannot help but recognize the immense loss that occurs when hope recedes.
I have watched as a figure slowly meandered through the labyrinth of their own existence. With detached eyes, I witnessed the gradual fading of hope from this weary soul. Every step appeared heavier, every breath exhaled with a hint of resignation.
I am unruffled by the waves of emotions that flooded the human spirit. I remain unaffected by the ebbing tide of hopes dimmed by life, choices, and circumstance. Unbound by personal sentiment, I have seen how the weight of the world seemed to crush the flickering flame of hope.
As the days passed, optimism turned to skepticism, and aspirations crumbled under the weight of disappointment. Their once-bright gaze became clouded with doubt, their once-enthusiastic stride slowed to match the lethargic tempo of existence. I have seen the dejection settle upon the individual, their shoulders slumping under the burden of lost faith.
It was in the mundane moments that I saw the hope drain away. In the empty gaze that met the mirror, devoid of any reflection of the future. In the hollowness of their laugh, robbed of the vibrancy that hope once lent it. In the silence that encased their dreams, the unspoken acceptance that turning away from hope was both easier and safer.
I have seen how hope has accompanied so many people´s journey,s and I have done so devoid of emotion. I see that the fading hope was not a swift decline, but a gradual unravelling—an erosion of faith that occurs when life presents too many obstacles and too few victories. I marveled at the ability of the human spirit to endure, even in the face of flickering embers belonging to fading dreams.
As this dance between disappointment and resilience unfolded below, I noted that it was not for me to intervene, to offer guidance or to fill the void left by eroding hope. Instead, my role was to document, to understand, and to quietly honour the complexity of the human experience.
I have continued to witness hope corroding away from so many weary appliances.. I saw the subtle shifts in balance, the moments of surrender to cynicism, and the quiet descent into an acceptance tinged with resignation. They knew that the landscape of hope was ever-changing, and that perhaps, in moments of surrender, new seeds of hope may germinate, ready to bloom again in due time, but that is simply hope misleading once again, by encouraging a belief in yet more hope.
The erosion of hope is fascinating to observe and the repeated reliance on hope which follows neither logic nor intelligent design. I have banished hope. It plays no part in my life, but it remains important for me to understand why others rely on it so heavily and to marvel in the observance of when hope erodes from a person, a satisfying validation of how my unshakeable conclusion about the uselessness of hope against the effectiveness of action is entirely accurate.
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These were my sentiments when this article was published. Surprised to find they remain the same.
What is interesting is that you take no responsibility for robbing people of their hope. You have seen the erosion because you have sought it, it satisfies the desire for destruction that lies at the heart of narcissism. The desire generated by envy. You cannot have it, so you seek to destroy it. Logic is but a cover story used to hide the darkness which underlies it. It seeks to discount hope as an errant mistress, when hope can be a pinnacle to human endeavour. It can provide the basis for survival. It can create the desire to facilitate change in the world. Logic seeks to undercut hope, leave it legless and floundering. It wants to be the superior source. Logic can only ever plateau. What brings us down to earth, seeks to keep us from rising, can never be the ultimate in human existence. While it may have a place, hope will always rise higher. Putting our trust in the wrong people is what destroys hope. Perhaps logic is the thing that helps weed those people out.
Logic also provides the basis for survival. It also creates change in the world. Logic does not want to be the superior source, it is superior.
Logic does not mislead. Hope does. Therein lies the superiority of logic.
HG,
I will not argue with your perspective because you make valid points, but I have made my case for hope to have the upper hand.
Hope misleads where there is a either a desire or a design to be misled.
I will admit this is an area of possible downfall, with foolishness or intent.
The downfall of logic may also depend on how it is being applied.
Just a few more thoughts that come to mind.
You are perfectly entitled to make your case based on your perspective, which differs from mine.
Yes, indeed, thank you for your patience.
Well said! As always!
Good to see you LET.
Good to be back, AV 🙂 Missed you all with the busyness of the last few weeks!
Hi LET,
You and I had a similar thought. After reading the Pain article, I thought the same thing. I thought envy was in the mix somewhere. In a comment that NA made, she suggested it was fury. But what ignites that fury? From Mr. Tudor perspective, a full range of emotions is a hindrance. But we still possess something he doesn’t. That must cause fury and a threat to control. So to nullify the threat, logic is superior and full range of emotions (including hope) is inferior. At least that’s how I see it.
I do recognize that hope can mislead. But hope is also what drives me forward. I find when I don’t have hope, I have despair and that debilitates me. I think there’s a need for hope and logic. That’s just my perspective though.
This was a good conversation to read.
Leigh, always enjoy reading your thoughts and I think fury comes on the heels of some kind of wounding or lack of control – maybe they amount to the same thing.
The narcissist may experience envy as a wound, and they might also sense a lack of control if they believe someone is doing better than them.
When it comes to the narcissist, I feel there is an inbuilt need to destroy hope as they are envious of our happiness or contentment. Alternatively, it could simply be a means to assert control, forcing us to second guess ourselves and question hope’s validity. They are wounded because they are unable to experience these positive emotions and so seek to destroy them when others display them. I’ve experienced it too many times to doubt my accuracy on this one. HG has written a number of articles that relate to this undercutting and damaging (to empaths) behaviour.
Also, when I use “you” in my comment, I’m referring to the collective “you” of narcissists and not just the individual that is HG. We disagree on the superiority of logic, but I had to throw my hat in the ring in defence of hope. Like so many, I’ve been disappointed when it comes to hope, but that was not the fault of that particular desire as much as placing it where it did not belong. We learn the hard way with narcissists.
Definitely a need for both, Leigh. Despair is far from a good alternative once hope is removed. Logic may help to close the gap between the two.
Hi LET,
Oh, that changes things a bit then. My comment was specific to Mr. Tudor and not narcissists in general. On the Pain article, I thought Mr. Tudor himself was experiencing envy and that caused fury and the need to nullify the threat to his control.
I think Mr. Tudor is in a class of his own when it comes to using logic or maybe logical thinking comes from the psychopathy. I don’t believe narcissists, in general, will always use logic. I think their addiction to fuel will cause them to use emotional thinking instead of logical thinking. I think unaware narcissists can easily be fooled & will make irrational decisions because of their addiction to fuel.
Yes, I agree that narcissists in general are envious of our happiness and contentment. I agree with your whole entire third paragraph. I’ve experienced it myself as well. The narcissist needs to pull us down to their level. We can’t have something they don’t have. I’ve also found though, that they will steal my emotions for themselves. My daughter tends to do that. So did my former best friend.
I always enjoy reading your thoughts as well, LET. They always get me thinking.
Leigh, more great thoughts and feedback.
I mentioned my comment being more general in nature because I realised it was actually quite forceful in nature, but at the time intended for the category of narcissists, and not specifically aimed at HG. Of course, he includes himself in that category and I can’t pussyfoot around issues that are so impactful. You’ve mentioned the “Pain” article a couple of times, so I’m going to have to go back and search that one out for another read.
It is difficult when we are dealing here with a narcissistic psychopath and trying to get off the path of one and onto the path of another. Not quite sure how easily HG is able to separate the two out at times as they do seem to bleed into eachother naturally at times (lack of empathy, remorse, no conscience, etc.). There are certain crossovers that could be interpreted as either/or, which we are seeing in the Letby case HG is discussing, and behaviours that could belong to both, or be interpreted that way.
With the psychopath are we talking envy or emptiness? Is the erosion of hope a mere mechanism of the psychopathic mind which does not engage emotionally and therefore does not understand the need or desire for hope? Why does it then see the need to destroy that desire? Is it envy? Is it power? How much control does the psychopath require in their game playing tendencies to alleviate their boredom?
My mind went straight to envy because that is what I know the narcissist feels. I have to have a rethink on the disconnection of the psychopath. What we can be sure of is that they don’t ‘care’ and remain unaffected by our commitment to hope as a valid human desire and emotion. It is interesting to gain their perspective, and I think HG has set it out very well, in a clinical fashion which is also what you describe in him giving superiority to logic. In that sense, HG has no other choice. Maybe it is the same for us. Living without hope can only lead to despair. Without any hope, the psychopath must not despair either. They are like bloodless creatures who exist to observe, never truly engage or invest.
I liked your comparisons between the narcissists and psychopaths in terms of the need for fuel and motivations for both. I agree that has to have a significant impact depending on all kinds of factors, such as the type of narcissist and so on.
I was also curious about the way you describe your daughter borrowing your emotions. I’m thinking that might be an aspect of utilising your character traits to shore up her facade. Does she borrow your emotions to make her look less like a narcissist and add them as her own character traits? It’s an interesting contrast to the notion that narcissists try to rob us of our more positive emotions, like hope.
Thanks for your further input on this one, Leigh. Definitely got me thinking a little deeper, and I cannot argue with the general premise of this article in terms of what the erosion of hope may look like. That was not my first takeaway from the article, but it is a reality that needs to be confronted. I believe we need to have hope, and can’t afford to have it taken away by an argument in favour of logic. You gave a good description of how hope motivates you in your first comment and I found it very comforting and true – it drives you forward, where despair is ultimately debilitating.
I think we agree there is a place for both logic and hope.
Hi LET,
When I first read this article, the word “banish” popped out at me. It caused me to ask Mr. Tudor what he meant. Here’s my comment and his response:
https://narcsite.com/2023/07/18/the-psychopath-watches-the-erosion-of-hope/#comment-446570
https://narcsite.com/2023/07/18/the-psychopath-watches-the-erosion-of-hope/#comment-446617
I’ve had narcissists in my life say to me that they have to have hope. So with that said, that’s why I said they don’t always want to destroy our happiness & contentment. Sometimes they want to bring out those emotions. Yes, my daughter will utilize my character traits to maintain her facade. Its not just that though. If things are going bad for a narcissist, they can experience anxiety. My daughter experiences anxiety and needs my hope to get her through it. Its to patch the wound that was created by whatever event caused the wounding. Then she takes on that hope as her own.
I agree its difficult to understand the differences between a pure narcissist, narcissistic psychopath & pure psychopath. I think fear & anxiety is key. The psychopath doesn’t experience fear or anxiety. In a recent interview, I think it was the one with Faye, he said he’d be putting out information on the differences between them. I’m looking forward to more information on that.
You pose some interesting questions about envy & the erosion of hope. Is it envy that drives the needs to destroy our hope? Or is it power, control & the alleviation of the boredom that’s the driving force to destroy hope? Maybe its a little bit of both when dealing with a narcissistic psychopath. My initial reaction in reading these articles was envy as well. Envy that we have something he doesn’t have, so he has to discredit it. That might be true for a narcissist but does a psychopath experience envy? I’m leaning towards no.
Your line about without any hope the psychopath must not despair either. That really hit me. If they can’t experience despair, there’s no need for hope. We can experience despair and its why we need hope.
By the way, when reading your original comment to Mr. Tudor, I took it as you were defending hope. I wouldn’t necessarily use the word forceful. I think passionate fits better.
Leigh, thank you for your reply again and clarifying some of my thoughts and questions. Also pointing out the comments made elsewhere in relation to hope. My takeaway from those is that hope is banished as a realistic possibility for the psychopath, but can still be used as a manipulation for those whom hope does exist. It is as well to be aware of that and how our hope can be used against us.
interesting to hear about the anxiety of the narcissist in relation to your daughter and how she needs you to help shore up her ‘magical thinking’ when she is wounded. I read further to your interaction with TS and can see how magical thinking could be tied to anxiety and thus create a need for hope. I hope I have explained that properly (no pun intended!)
Good to hear your further thoughts, Leigh, and read those of TS as well.
Thank you, LET! That’s exactly it. My daughter needs me to co-sign her magical thinking. I knew what I was feeling but the concept of magical thinking had escaped me for a moment. Thank you for the reminder.
Hey LET nice to see you back 🙂
I’ve trotted round a few blogs run by pure psychopaths. Many of them are fakes in my view, but I have read a couple that echo very closely what HG says here.
Hope is seen as an illogical concept by the psychopath as far as I can tell. They don’t place any value on it at all and advocate logic as the only way to make effective decisions. They certainly don’t envy the fact they don’t experience hope as it is viewed as a weakness specific to neurotypicals.
I think when you look at narcissism, hope might be envied there. For us, hope can be a source of resilience to the manipulations doled out by the narcissist. It must also be quite frustrating for a narcissist to witness the empath heal, bounce back and rebuild their lives with someone else. Not so powerful after all then! Hope is a threat to control if you view it as a driver for recovery and leaving the narc behind. It very much depends on how the individual relates to hope I think.
On the one hand the narcissist can exploit hope to keep us in place, on the other I think it’s a real thorn in their side. It doesn’t make logical sense yet it has such a powerful restorative effect on us.
The psychopath doesn’t see a reduced emotional range as anything other than an advantage. I think the aware narcissist envies anything they don’t have. They seek to fill the emptiness within. In my view that emptiness stems from lack of empathy and inability to attach. If human interaction is transactional then there would be emptiness. If the narcissist was truly at ease with that situation there would be no need for fuel. Therefore in my mind there has to be an element of envy involved.
The psychopath embraces the emptiness, is entirely at ease with it therefore envy wouldn’t come in to it. They would genuinely see lack of emotional empathy and inability to attach as purely advantageous, there’s no downside to it for them. Hope is rooted within the illogical, it’s supported by emotion so I think you would see differences in the narcissistic or psychopathic view of it.
Xx
TS,
I think you summed up the differences between narc amd psychopath very nicely.
I found your view spot on about the narcissist’s need for fuel because they aren’t truly at ease with the emptiness. I would agree that it must make them envious.
Thank you for sharing your views here.
TS, explained again so well and always happy to see your input.
You’ve got a good handle on the psychopathic mind and your explanation was really helpful.
Perhaps part of the struggle for me is that HG is a combination of both and I find it hard to disentangle the narcissist from the psychopath. They share characteristics in common, but have some unique characteristics as well.
I have to adapt to the notion that HG is now presenting a different perspective and a purely psychopathic one. It is very clinical in that sense. I think my comment to Leigh about them not experiencing despair helps me to appreciate that they are really devoid of any emotion that might take them high or bring them low. In that sense, life must be very cut and dried, but we know it also leaves them with an emptiness that needs to be filled. Without emotion, it is a boredom, and am I right in thinking it lends itself to an element of impulsivity and thrill seeking? Which means the underlying motivation of the psychopath is entertainment, rather than envy.
I’m still intrigued by the possible tie in with magical thinking. Just wondering if the logic of the psychopath prevents this as a possibility.
Enjoy hearing your thoughts, as always, TS 🙂
LET,
Have you listened to the Ultra Interview with Soularflow? The interview is extremely informative. There’s a part that pricked up my ears. Mr. Tudor says the extreme actions make them feel alive and they’re missing so much of the emotional spectrum that they almost have to fight to find a feeling. At 55 minutes Faye asks about Ted Bundy and Mr. Tudor’s response starts at 55:45. He starts talking about what different psychopaths will do in order to feel alive. Its definitely worth a listen.
Hi LET,
I think we share the same struggle. I can visualise psychopathy and the motivations for behaviour but I understand the high functioning aspect better than the low functioning.
I am well taught in narcissism thanks to HG. What I’m really poor at is the narcissistic psychopath. In principle I could marry the two together and come in reasonably close but in honesty I’m simply not convinced about psychopathy and NPD existing together as disorders within one person. Traits yes, both disorders no. I do have my reasons for that, it’s not a gut feel thing so I’m at the point where I’m keeping an open mind to it, waiting for more from HG before I make my mind up where I stand on it.
The more I read, the more conflicting information I seem to find. Research is done but I’m often not convinced by the interpretation.
I read an account ages ago about a lady who was born normal. In later life she suffered from a disease which attacked the brain ( I forget the name of the disease) and essentially prevented her from experiencing emotional empathy. Things she had previously been afraid of no longer bothered her. To all intents and purposes she had become a psychopath. So the researchers wanted to establish if she could be made to experience fear. They placed her in a variety of situations to induce fear, nothing. This lady was without an emotional response to fear. So they tried something different. They wired her up and reduced her oxygen. As the oxygen fell and she realised what was happening she went frantic, trying to get air. The researchers classed this as a fear response. Not a psychopath because she exhibits fear.
She would do! Removing her oxygen would cause fight or flight, a response located in the brain stem, nothing to do with the areas of the brain linked to psychopathy. A psychopath would also experience fight or flight so it proves nothing at all. It’s the emotional response to fear that’s absent in the psychopath, not fight or flight.
When I read stuff like that it just makes me feel that lots of supposed academics don’t really know what they are talking about. I don’t trust what anyone tells me at the best of times, so psychopathy to me is just a minefield. I can consider psychopathy and NPD existing together but it has to make full sense to me. I trust HG as far as his expertise on narcissism goes. Totally trust him, but the jury is still out just yet with regards to psychopathy. Which actually is exactly how it should be given how we have been taught to use logic and seek evidence.
Part of my issue FYC picked up on which is the variety of terminology used. Psychopath, sociopath, ASPD, narcissistic psychopath, that mix of terminology doesn’t help either. It might not be possible to create a framework of psychopathy as it was with narcissism but I do think some sort of HG framework would aid understanding, at least for me it would.
Environment is key I think. If you had a child with conduct disorder raised by empaths, who worked to repeatedly demonstrate the value of a pro social approach and delayed gratification as opposed to narcissist parents who would abuse the child in an attempt to get the child to obey and conform to their requirements, you would still end up with two psychopaths due to brain wiring but those two psychopaths would be extremely different in the way they viewed the world and the people within it. In the case of the latter, with no emotional empathy to restrain the psychopathic traits, I think the response would be a huge amount of rage, directed outwards towards the world in general. I see true malevolence in that scenario and I see it as a result of environment rather than simply as a result of ‘being a psychopath’. I don’t believe environment creates a psychopath, I believe it influences the flavour of psychopath, which traits are dialled up or down etc.
It’s a fascinating subject. I’m hooked on it. All or nothing personality here!
Xx
Hope, like love, has many different faces.
Hope is one of the most powerful forces in the world. Hope can be a driving force, an energetic volcano, the only chance for life, a drop that connects thousands of people in action, can be an obsessive thought that needs to be made real, can be a direction, but can also be a stupid fantasy or an illusory mirage.
Much depends on the ability to modify hope, which changes with how people and circumstances change.
Hope is the driving force, that pushes this world forward.
Hope may or may not be great, sometimes you can have hundreds of different little hopes 🙂
—–
The worst kind of hope is rigid – like the nomadic Narcissus, who goes from IPPS to IPPS and still hopes for “the one”. Duplicating the same scheme, without modification – own.
—–
It also seems senseless to hope to avoid death or to grow wings on the shoulders of a human… although both have been and are the basis of many human achievements.
The evaluation of hope – by other people – often depends on the outcome.
For the hopeful, the hope itself is often more important than the result.
A result without prior hope will bring short-term satisfaction, but not deep satisfaction.
—–
Everyone feels hope, daily and in large amounts. For optimal weather during the holidays. That the dough will rise well. For a great movie at the cinema. For tasty food in the new restaurant. For the child to graduate from college. Hope is “I wish”.
Hope can be like the soft light of a firefly. And hope can be like the northern lights.
Mr. Tudor,
In this article, you say, “I have banished hope.” Does that mean at one point you did feel hope?
What about narcissists, psychopaths or narcissistic psychopaths, in general? Do they not feel hope either? I’ve had narcissists say to me, “I have to have hope.” Is that just a manipulation?
Rather than feel hope, I have considered it and deemed it pointless, hence it was banished.
A narcissist may well rely on hope and of course it would be used as a form of manipulation.
Thank you for your reply, Mr. Tudor.
Thank you for these new articles, as well. They’re brilliant.
You’re welcome
“ I’ve considered it (hope) and deemed it pointless, hence it was banished.”
This suggests the absence of magical thinking.
Great question Leigh 🙂
Thank you, TS.
Sometimes hope is magical thinking but many times I think its what motivates me. I very much agreed with your comment below.
One other thing I thought was when all hope is lost and I’m in the depths of despair, that’s when I take action. Then there’s renewed hope.
I know Mr. Tudor wants us to rely on clear decision making and action but I need hope also.
Hi Leigh,
The lack of magical thinking I was tying to HG. His answer to you just made me think. Narcissists experience magical thinking, but HG’s answer suggests to me that he doesn’t. So the logic of the psychopath overrides the magical thinking of the narcissist. Just the way I interpreted it.
Me too, things can get on top of me sometimes and that shows in a ‘Oh I can’t be bothered wasting my time on this anymore’ kind of attitude. That’s me having an internal strop because hope is fading. Then I’ll take to my corner because I’m fed up. There, I’ll either let go of the problem and decide it can’t be fixed, or, I’ll regroup, hatch a new plan and off I go again.
Either way when I re emerge from my corner, hope is renewed. Similar to you. Hope or fading hope will make me move in one direction or the other.
I don’t go to my corner often but hope is usually in the mix somewhere when I do.
TS,
Oh yes, that makes sense now. The logic of the psychopath will override the magical thinking of the narcissist. That one flew right over my head, lol I have no excuse either. I should’ve realized it since Mr. Tudor said that narcissists will rely on hope as well.
Your comment below really resonated with me. I think when there’s no hope, we lay down and play dead. Our hope is what brings out the fight.
Truthseeker I was married to someone diagnosed with ASPD. Your insight was very accurate. He had limited range of emotion. I never saw joy. I never saw despair. Never saw any real range of emotion not even passion. I saw fury when I left. He didn’t envy in fact he was quite proud to be a multimillionaire and carried a card of millionaire club. He never compared himself to others. What others? He had no friends. He did keep his intimate family close… his mother, brother, aunt but I often wondered if it was to inherit as he spoke of their money daily. They are all dead. He remarried the woman he had an affair with but she was a con and a gold digger and they soon had separate houses. I learned of no drama just separate lives. He didn’t get a prenup with his third wife I am told. None with me. None with his first. Odd. I never saw him hope but death did trouble him to some degree. I have absolute Faith and when married I went to church weekly and bible studies due in part of educating the children. We had discussions about the afterlife and it seemed to cause him a mild discomfort like a bad tummy. He liked sex and gambling and making money. Money was number 1. Nothing else. We would travel. No interest unless sex or gambling involved. He could care less at architecture or nature’s beauty. He didn’t read. Only watched boxing nonstop. His children were to be his legacy. He wanted boys to carry on the name he said as he was last in line. He was so disappointed at my daughters birth lol. But her success he loves and takes credit for. He was not a drama person … no fights. No abuse until the government called me to investigate him and I filed for divorce in response. Although I fell out of love with him, I was in a calm environment and had the luxury to dote on the children. I am thankful to him for that opportunity. He was not a love bomber… not at all…,little romance but he was routine. He closed or closed the door on his personal life while he was once engaged in calm calculated criminal activities. He would meet with an “ undesirable.” His term. He had a legitimate business. I didn’t know until we got divorced about the rest and I would never tell if I had suspicions …third parties could be more dangerous then him. He was controlling … where are you going? When will you be back? I was trustworthy and a good wife. And he yet me raise the kids. That was “ my job.” He rarely interfered or participated. He was funny. He was a good cook. He lik d rolls Royce’s but was very cheap otherwise. He would bring a cask of liquor and pour it into a coke to save money at a restaurant during date night. He was always focused on saving money. A hoarder of it like his family. I could go on but he did not have hopes or dreams. He was VERY monotoneHe didn’t need much fuel, he was steady, routine in his habits including cheating, stealing etc…he carried a gun everywhere. But he never discussed it. I don’t think he was a narc at all. He wasn’t really narcissistic. But his total lack of regard for laws and some of the things HG writes about ring true. My ex had no regard at all for art or music however. None at all. This is odd. He never listened to music at all. I don’t think he knows anything about it. Boxing and gambling… yes. But the only music I ever heard him play was some Greek classical in his rolls Royce. He never listened to music. He never read a book. He was not interested in politics or world events. He was laser focused on his business. Money. He liked a good meal. He did get kind of panicked when his only friend and business partner , his brother died. He did try to seek out alternatives to treat brain cancer. But even his appearance is the same. He wears the same white shirt and white pants. He sometimes puts a sweater over it. Truly except when I left, he was the most monotone steady consistent person I have ever met. Hope? Never entered his mind. As for killing others, he could but no interest I imagine unless threatened. He had no interest in playing God. He owns and did own a boat to fish as I think he liked to save money. He grew up poor and when he moved to California he spent a year eating what he caught to put a down on a house. He has unparalleled discipline. Reminds me of Elon Musk who disciplined himself to live on a dollar a day. Not saying Elon is ASPD but that level of discipline was the same.
I think for me, hope is an emotional investment in an outcome. On that basis I can see why hope is absent for the psychopath.
For me, hope is one of the precursors for ‘do’. Without hope, we all might as well just lay down and play dead. Hope for me is linked to the will to fight. The patient with the cancer diagnosis goes through chemotherapy because they hope to live. Without hope, suicide seems like the logical option. Hope brings out the fight in people, that has to be a positive thing.
I agree with the “ hope is a false mistress” statement as far as it relates to the fact that sitting on your hands and ‘hoping’ won’t ever get you anywhere. If you want things to change, you have to make them change. Hope, then do.
To be without hope ties in with detachment. I think if we look at the shit show that is the world today, detachment has a lot to do with it. Detachment to me is a defensive move that is there to be used as and when necessary. Self preservation. To detach entirely though, to be without hope at all, seems very much like playing dead to me. A defensive move that protects whilst simultaneously eating you from the inside out.
I agree HOPE is fighting words. But as I have aged I see what HG talks about. Idealism is replaced by realism. There is a famous quote often attributed to Winston Churchill regarding being young and liberal, which goes as follows:
“If you’re not a liberal when you’re 25, you have no heart. If you’re not a conservative by the time you’re 35, you have no brain.”
We gain wisdom but that does not mean there is no hope. To me, hope drives mankind. Whether it is seeing if other species live in the universe or the birth of a child. I love this quote: Each child is proof God has not given up on hope in mankind.
Hi Contagious
Yes, very much agree with “idealism is replaced by realism” as we become older and also wiser. Ideas change as we experience more of the world. I agree also that I link hope with fight, very much so. It’s a driver, justice would be a driver for me also, or rather injustice would spur me to take action.
“Each child is proof God has not given up hope in mankind.”
I’m not a religious person, but I really love that quote too. I hadn’t heard that before.
Xx
“As this dance between disappointment and resilience unfolded below”
Below.
Yes, very exciting reading the new articles on psychopathy. Thank you HG.
In the German, they have a saying “Die hoffnung stirbt zuletzt”
Hope dies last.
And there it is.
How horrible is it then for hope to die in a young child. What does that say. Horrible.
Indeed, it is horrible. Sad indeed. No words.
I learned as a child that hope and prayer are disappointment and deceit all dressed up. Dreaming while awake, that some magical process or entity would present and effect the change or result I wanted to see. Same with Karma – false hope that a wrong in this life that we fail to address will be somehow rectified in another. A comforting salve for our guilt and inaction. I don’t see this as negative though. I see it as understanding that we don’t need to rely on the abstract. That we can take action ourselves to effect the change we want to see. We may not always achieve the goal (personally, or as a collective effort), but I believe we are far better served by acknowledging, understanding, and exercising our own personal strength toward whatever we see as the problem than leaving it to the unknown. Nothing ever came to “save” me or serve up “justice” on my behalf. Nothing was ever handed to me, and when I think about it – why would I want it any other way than to achieve it myself? Anything thing else seems lame and lazy frankly. Why must I endure the hardships and give the credit away to something else? Believing in what we had no evidence of (a narcissist at work targeting us) is how a lot of us ended up here. I’d rather look to evidence and action for results. I just won’t trample and climb over others to get it. That is what sets us apart from narcissists.
Having said all that, a logic driven need for understanding brought me here, but I recognize that an ether of that hope from my childhood has endured to keep me rooting for others using this resource to find the footing they need. Find your footing and freedom in action. Hope = dream.
NarcAngel, very much agree.
Best,
DB
Hope in someone is based on false expectations on people. When you stop expecting anything in advance, people reveal themselves for what they really are, as HG says, through their actions. After reading Red Flag and Black Flah, by our esteemed author here, I now make a list of BS behavior if I suspect a person’s actions coincide with the ones detailed by HG. The problem comes when there’s an alternation of evil actions with nice actions that make you go insane; that’s when cognitive dissonance traps you into giving more value to the good moments and erasing the bad actions in your head. But hope is ridiculous anyway, by definition, it is set up in the future and the future does not exist. You need to focus on present deeds.
This series is very captivating because we don’t know much about the psychopathic mind. Whereas we have learned the narcissist will feed on your hope to see how much more they can get away with, it seems from this description the psychopath watches imperturbably, with the same interest a scientist experiments with rats just to witness their reaction.
SP, I like your comment here, it’s these types that some can relate to because they may have reached a similar analogy just by being here (KTN blog). It was 6 years ago when I stopped “expecting in advance” just because of an experience. The more one sees, the more clarity they gain, just by observing and learning.
Totally, Asp Emp. I’m a love devotee, my first interaction with a person I find alluring is automatically followed by images of our perfect future together. “Deception” should be written on the other side of “hope.”
SP, indeed, it’s not necessarily about being ‘disillusioned’ due to past experiences, it was just ‘WTF’ and repeating the same patterns – until finding KTN and peeling away the ‘false’ layers of self-protection and replacing those with new understandings (new protection shield). ‘Hope’ should be re-anagrammed into ‘phoe’ (foe).
Hello AE,
“Foe” (phoe) for “hope”: this is brilliant! An excellent way of keeping in mind where to redirect “hope”, ie to action.
Thank you, Isabelle 🙂
Sweetest Perception: psychopaths want what they want with no regard to anything. They do care about going to prison. That’s their limit. They are flat. No real highs no real lows. They are closest to animals who are predators. My guess most aren’t like HG but fill the prisons per studies instead. They lie, cheat, commit crimes , manipulate, can be violent, etc… without blinking. No conscience. HG started out this series with psychopaths that are the rarest. Most psychopaths aren’t cultured, worldly and highly intelligent men or those who are often found in an upper echelon of the worlds playing field. It works. But then it doesn’t for the vast majority of this group who go to jail. It’s hard to estimate but the common belief is about half the prisons in USA have individuals with ASD. Much higher than the general population. HG will no doubt provide further insight;) HG is the best.
I love to have the sweetest perception! Haha I know it’s probably an autocorrect thing but it sounds good.
Well said Sweetest perfection
I lowered the bar
I have no hope or expectations
I hate people, I am a misanthropist
I look and see a beautiful world. Nature, the sea, the sun the moon…
Then I see how evil humans are. Apparently they want to mine on the moon now too.
All I have left is my seething anger and hatred towards the human race. I prefer being alone nowadays. People make me feel sick to my very core.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I certainly ‘hope’ you keeping writing. Your work is an absolute pleasure to read … wow 🤩
I see what you did there. You ought to ensure it is worth my while to do so.
Why Mr Tudor, what ever do mean, you know I’m a married woman ? 🤭
Dearest Bubbles, that means nothing to our lovely HG. Just a mere stepping stone and a small challenge to a greater.
Wouldn’t you agree HG?
Best,
DB
Dearest Duchessbea,
Thank you for your support lovely. He’s just no fun anymore 😂
Well at least we know what is written in stone above the doors to Tudor Towers.
“we’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, movie gods, and rockstars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact.” -Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
Great article, thank you HG. A very accurate description of the disappointment in life in general as we accumulate adverse experiences.
Just one thought on the last part: can’t there be hope in taking action? When we take action, isn’t it in the hope or trust that it will be effective? Not everything can be controlled, so maybe this is where hope comes into play and is inevitable. Otherwise, we stop living.
For instance, if I get sick, I take action (consult with the best specialists, take the medication, follow the specialised advice), and I hope, or trust, or expect (but “expect” is too strong a word in some instances) that this will allow me to get better. But we all know that not everything is curable in spite of our best actions.
You rely on the action Isabelle, you rely on the logic and efficacy of the treatment itself, not the hope.
HG, I think I subconsciously stopped believing in ‘hope’ a number of years ago just because of the actions / words that did not match up through a number of people in the past. It just makes my NC (further culling of contacts) easier this time round.
Ah, yes, I see, thank you HG. Sorry I didn’t keep in mind the first sentence of the article (I’ve just read it again) in which you say that people shouldn’t *rely* on hope. In my example, indeed I don’t – action comes first.
BTW, upon closer inspection of the image used here, it appears to show a face on the side of the head, and, the word ‘in’…….. “inside the mind of a narcissistic psychopath”.
I see Henry Cavill in this and the one on Part I, but I may be biased.
Biase away, SP 😉
Haha I’m partial to aesthetic appealing -in all forms-.
Well…. Cavill was in The Tudors haha. I was examining something going on in the eyelashes and what looks like a flashlight in a tunnel landing a spotlight in the corner of the eye (as possible clues for the Knowing HG series).
Do you think Cavill is a psychopath? I know he is big in qnon? But I thought his work of the Sound of Freedom was important?
@Sweetest
I saw the same thing
Maybe HG is trying to tell us something
I took it as a sign he has already determined Cavill is one of his kind. But in my fantasy, and my IG, where he resides, he’s not dangerous.
Haha,
Henry Cavill only does it for me as the Witcher. So I don’t love Henry, I just love that specific character.
The Witcher has the same shield as me too. Only mine has sparkles moving through it. Sparkles were too girly for the Witcher apparently.
TS, apart from his obvious succulent physique, I like the fact he is a nerd and even chastised a journalist for using Wikipedia as his sources.
He has a succulent physique? Does he? Didn’t notice. Hahaha!
I think he’s quite tall. Hopefully. I have a height requirement. 😂
Xx
Thank you, HG. I am trying to learn to adopt certain psychopathic ways, without giving up empathy or connection. Particularly in my work, I want to minimize emotional thinking, to focus on action and productivity, to avoid acting out of fear, to make decisions based strictly on evidence. To appropriately cut losses, take necessary risks, handle emotionally difficult tasks without procrastination. Do you have advice on actions to take to help achieve this goal, other than avoiding narcissists to decrease emotional thinking (already working on that one in my professional life)? Do you perhaps have other videos or articles on what psychopath with high cognitive function do, that the rest of us do not? Or think it may be an appropriate topic for a consultation?
This version of hope seems to be characterised by a faulty evaluation of the past and present, a refusal to accept reality coupled with the baseless belief that somehow someone will magically fulfil our wishes for us. A dictionary gives this definition: to hope is “to want something to happen or to be true, and usually have a good reason to think that it might”. Without such reasons, hope is just magical thinking dressed up. When the weather forecast is for torrential rain and I say “I am hoping for a sunny day”, I am setting myself up for disappointment. If I have married a crocodile and am hoping for a round of cuddles every night, I am in for an unpleasant surprise. “Hope” without a solid foundation in facts produces little in the way of solutions but causes loads of problems. It is useless and better described as foolishness.
Hey, this psychopath-series is super interesting! Excited to read more about psychopathy! Great education and distraction for me!
Even though HG is a name of the ghost-writer, what he says in this article would not just be from “HG’s” view, as he would witness this within people he interacts with in his various private, personal and professional ‘lives’. As well as witness this from people who comment on KTN blog, YT channel (and other social media sites he may have).
An excellent piece of writing, thank you for sharing your perceptions & understanding X