Knowing the Narcissist : Sadistic Streak



You could be forgiven for thinking that all of our kind are sadists. From your perspective, much of our behaviour, if not all, makes no sense and therefore it could be argued that to behave in the manner that we do must mean that we are all sadists. That is an understandable proposition. After all, if one day a person is kind to you and then the next is nasty to you when you have given them no reason to behave like that, then surely such behaviour is sadistic is it not? The behaviour has no grounding in any logic, the nastiness is manifesting just for the hell of it, is it not? Are we then not deriving pleasure from your hurt and discomfort and therefore that must makes us sadists?

A true or pure sadist is one who derives pleasure from the sadistic act. This often manifests in a sexual arena in that the act of sadism is acted out in a sexual engagement or the sadist becomes sexually aroused from the sadistic act (which may not be sexual in nature). Accordingly, a sadist may derive sexual pleasure from flagellating a bound and gagged individual. Similarly, a sadist may become sexually aroused from murdering the pet kitten of someone else.

Those of you have familiarity with my works will understand that from the narcissistic perspective, what we do is not done solely for pleasure (indeed we do not experience pleasure in the way that you understand it.) but rather it is done for the purposes of gaining fuel. It is our need for fuel which is the driver behind all of our behaviours because the emotional response of another provides us with the validation that we desperately require to fill up the void which exists inside of us.

The acquisition of fuel occurs in many, many arenas. It might be gaining a smile from an appreciative stranger as get in a lift with them, from the tears of our partner who is crying after we have held them by the throat and described how much we hate them or from them ecstatic groans of our lover as we provide them with orgasmic relief. In each instance, fuel is what flows, fuel is the aim and fuel is what is required.

All of our kind receives fuel from the emotional response of others. We do not feel joy from inflicting pain on you because we do not feel joy. Your pained expression provides fuel. It could be tears, it could be a smile, it could be laughter. As long as there is an emotional response then we gain fuel.

When you are hurt from our manipulations this is a by product of our need to gain fuel. It is a collateral consequence. Our lack of empathy means that we do not care that you are hurt. However, it goes further than this. The reduced cognitive function of the Lesser (and to some degree the lower echelons of the Mid-Ranger) means that not only do they not care that you are being hurt, they do not know you are being hurt. They see an emotional reaction and that provides fuel (although of course they do not know the mechanics of that operation). They cannot recognise the pain. I appreciate this will be rather hard for some people to grasp – how can he not know I am hurt when I am telling him so and he sees my face twisted in pain and the tears spilling down my face? The fact is, those members of our brethren neither care nor know. Thus when you are manipulated it is done purely for the fuel, it is not done primarily to hurt you. This is cold comfort nevertheless as the outcome remains the same. You are hurt.

Where we have a sadistic streak (and this is more prevalent with the upper echelons of the Mid-Range and the Greater Narcissist) we know we are hurting you and we do not care. The knowledge of your hurt adds further fuel. Accordingly, your emotional response which we witness provides us with the fuel (in the same way as a Lesser or lower echelon Mid-Ranger would) but the knowledge you are being hurt and we are causing this, provides  us with extra potent fuel.

A sadist behaves in the way that he or she does purely for the sake of pleasure. We do not do it. If we have a sadistic streak then we deploy it in our machinations for two purposes:-

  1. The provision of extra-potent fuel as described above; and
  2. For the purposes of punishment and revenge.

Our aim, through this sadism, is not solely pleasure but rather the reinforcement of our superiority. Not all of our kind wish to punish, hence, they have no sadistic streak. The Mid-Ranger who has lost his primary source will feel fury for this transgression but he is far more likely to direct his energies to applying an Initial Grand Hoover to get you back and reinstate the golden period. He has no urge to punish you. Even if that IGH fails, he will then focus on recruiting a new primary source and he will leave you alone. There may be benign follow-up hoovers when he devalues the new primary source, but there is still no desire to punish you He may be looking to ‘win you back’ or just gain positive fuel. If this fails, he may not apply a malign hoover, but instead will leave you be before returning at a later juncture with another benign hoover (if conditions are right).

If you have been discarded by a Lesser but you keep trying to find out why he has discarded you, he will apply malign hoovers. This is not done as an act of revenge, but is rather done to make you stay away so he can focus on his new primary source and so you will not spoil this golden period by telling lies (the truth) about him to the new primary source. He wants you deleted and the malign hoovers are a response to your interference.

If you find yourself in a situation where you know that your particular narcissist has a new primary source, you are doing nothing to enter the spheres of influence but your narcissist will not leave you alone and is applying malign hoovers against you, this is evidence of the sadistic streak. It manifests as a malicious obsession which causes you to enter the sixth sphere of influence (see the relevant section in What is Making Him Come Back? ) and then the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.

The relevant narcissist may not actually receive any Proximate Fuel from you as you are treated to these malign hoovers because he cannot see your reactions, so you may wonder, why would he do this? The reasons are as follows:-

  1. The sadistic streak means that he is willing to sacrifice the fuel he is gaining from the new primary source to carry out this sadistic, malign campaign against you. Usually, the narcissist will want to gorge on this positive fuel from the new primary source and keep his attention on this person, but where there is a sadistic streak, he is willing to use some of this fuel to power the malicious campaign against you as the discarded or escaped former primary source.
  2. The sadistic behaviour allows for the provision of Thought Fuel as the sadistic narcissist contemplates your terrified reactions and it is his perception of how you feel (even though he cannot see it and thus it is not Proximate Fuel) . Ordinarily, a non-sadistic narcissist would not bother to apply the energy to gain this weaker Thought Fuel but a sadistic narcissist will do so.
  3. Our superiority is maintained by doling out punishment and revenge. A non-sadistic narcissist would seek that reinforcement with a new primary source (because it is easier to gain that positive fuel from them and to focus on them solely). The demands of the sadistic narcissist are such that he requires this ratification and validation from both current primary source (positive fuel) and discarded former primary source (negative Thought Fuel and the power felt from the application of revenge).

Accordingly, when you are entangled with a narcissist, so that the Formal relationship is continuing and you are being devalued, and he exhibits sadistic behaviours towards you, this is for the purposes of gaining extra potent fuel. If the sadism occurs post escape or discard, this is done to punish you. If Proximate Fuel arises, so much the better but if it does not, this is not a massive concern to the sadistic narcissist because we are willing to sacrifice the fuel gained from another source in order to power our desire to achieve revenge over you.

Since you look at matters from your perspective and not ours, you may find it difficult to truly distinguish when sadistic behaviour is being used against you during the Formal Relationship. It is, however, at its most recognisable when you have escaped us or have been discarded. If you know we have a new primary source but there is a campaign of hurtful behaviour being used against you – slashing the tyres on your car, putting bricks through your windows, posting unsavoury comments about you online, handing outflyers accusing you of child abuse and such like – this is the sadism being manifested. This is not a smear because the smearing happens prior to your discard (so we have got in first) or if you have escaped, the smear will happen before we get another primary source. The key determining factor in knowing that you are facing a sadistic narcissist is that we have a new primary source and instead of relishing solely in the golden period with them, we are lashing out at you again and again.

5 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : Sadistic Streak

  1. Contagious says:

    Pure sadists are psychopaths.

  2. Ivana Veltmeyer says:

    I’m sorry but my ex got sexually aroused when I hide under the bed shattered of fear of him. When he found me there and back then I was mentally unwell. He said that I’m the biggest piece of shit from my family and one day he will be in the heavens and looking down to only see my body rostering in hells flames and I start crying and he laughed of pleasure and got sexually aroused, to see what absolute power and control over me. He was by narc detector only lower mid range narcissist.???

  3. RisingFromTheAshes says:

    Can you still have a sadistic narcissist that never obtains a replacement primary source (and relies on secondary sources such as his mother who he lives with and his sister)? I am nearly 5 years escaped, have a LIFETIME order of protection for me and the kids, he is voluntarily unemployed (and thus refuses to pay any court-ordered support), and has no visitation or contact with any of us, absent continued court proceedings with me. And when I say court proceedings, I mean ruthless, vengeful, ongoing, non-stop court litigation, including countless numbers of appeals of every single order, is what I am talking about – despite sanctions orders and even jail time for direct criminal contempt of court for threatening the Judge’s clerk. I believe his ultimate goal is punishment and revenge for me leaving, and getting fuel from running up my legal costs (nearly $100,000 so far) and having to now support the kids on my own, and continuing to have a medium of control by making me attend court and respond to frivolous motions and jump through appeal hoops, smearing me to everyone that will listen (most who know me don’t believe a word he says, as he has shown his ass, it’s just those that don’t know me at all), trying to ruin my professional reputation and get me fired (he succeeded once, but even they saw through him, but since he worked at the same place, they got rid of both of us because of the “drama”). Since I left, my ex has NEVER tried to hoover me back or bring back the golden period, etc. – it has all been malignant and never-ending from the get go (with the exception of about a 2-week depression right after I left until mommy came and snapped him out of it). I kept hoping he would eventually find someone else to occupy his time, so he could leave me alone, but mommy seems to be his primary source now, and actually eggs on his behaviors. I don’t think he is even looking, although he has a porn/sex addiction, and was constantly on Craigslist and Backpage chatting with girls and hooking up with prostitutes while we were together. But now it’s under-handed, sadistic conduct and behaviors, everything is a game to him, and is aimed to “win” at all costs (although legally he has won absolutely nothing so far, so you would think that would have made a normal person give up). For an example, he utterly destroyed our house after I left and quit paying the mortgage so it went into foreclosure since my name was the only one on the loan (but he was on the deed and refused to let it be sold and tied up court so bad I couldn’t get an order there either). He was trying to cause me to owe a major deficiency at the foreclosure sale, so literally took all the light fixtures, cut the outlets out of the walls, removed facets and plumbing pipes (causing a flood), messed with the furnace and gas lines, took every other kitchen cabinet drawer, removed door knobs and drilled out locks, left it open to the elements, etc. However, he is so slick and uses “plausible deniability” no matter the behavior, so he never gets caught on any of his manipulations as to me, and never faces any legal or other repercussions for his actions, which only spurs more. The court only seems to care when his ire is directed at them, and then he gets monetarily sanctioned (doesn’t pay, but no enforcement) and even jailed (but learned nothing from the experience and has even repeated the same behavior, but now they just don’t do anything about it because it is too much trouble to do so and easier ignored). Again, we have no contact, he doesn’t see any of my reactions, I am cool as a cucumber in court (basically drug myself with anti-anxiety meds and let my attorney do the talking), so all he gets is thought fuel from these actions, but that seems to sustain him. He used to be a lawyer ad has book smarts, was not physical very much like a lesser would be, so I believed he was a mid to upper-range narcissist. However, I am now questioning, b/c is this normal behavior for a narc, or is this something more, like psychopathic tendencies? I do fear for mine and the children’s safety, and have always said that he is unpredictable and I don’t know how far he would go, even though he has only threatened and not done much in the way of physical violence. It’s just that so much seems contradictory, since you say a mid-range narc is more likely to do benign hoovers and not waste energy, and a Lesser is likely to only do malign hoovers to keep you away and at bay if you pursue him in an effort to maintain the fascade… So where does that put mine, when there is no other primary supply, and he continues the sadistic behaviors despite receiving no contact/reactions from me and only thought fuel?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I recommend that you organise a consultation.

    2. WhoCares says:


      That’s quite the overwhelming list, and I know how the ongoing litigation can eventually wear you down and get to you – one positive is that your children are protected.
      It’s amazing how they can still wreak havoc from afar and post-escape – I do hope you consult with HG.

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