Important Announcement
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But it’s not goodbye forever cause we’re all down here together Alison!
Wish I could help you Jordy. I didn’t train the squirrel. He trained me.
hahaha! What are your summer plans, Niffty?
Christmas on a New Zealand beach is on my bucket list. Up here we’ve got beautiful fall trees and typically a nice bit of a chill. But today it’s 81° F so I guess we’ve got an Indian Summer this week. No plans.
Rebecca says “I had a pet squirrel, when I was a kid. He was adorable and loved to play!”. I think I’d like a meerkat as a pet, or, a cabybara. Enuf about the fluffies 😉
I’m sorry to read about the difficulties times during work at present and that it can be made a lot easier sooner than later. xx
Asp,
😄I promise I won’t start talking about recipes! Xx
Thank you, Asp. I’m hoping things will improve at work soon….transitions can be so slow and painful, I must remind myself to be more patient, not my strongest trait….XX
It’s going to work out, right, HG? Xx
Rebecca, let’s talk about Nutkins, nutty-nut-nuts, Nutella, peanuts…. in a pancake 😉
Yes, I can understand about patience (or not). That could be partly due to conditioning and the demands of narcissists in the past ie “No! Not later! NOW!”…… sigh. It’s also ET related with other things going on at the same time – different LOCEs. Not easy. I do understand xx
Asp,
😄 As long as they aren’t pink pancakes! 😄xx
Thanks Asp, I have more patience for others, than I do myself. I expect me to get it the first time around, no excuses….and come to think of it….that is how I was raised to think…Get it done right the first time or you’re an idiot. Brainwashing, conditioning, same thing and gives the same result….pressure on yourself for someone else’s expectations of you..aka: conditioning from a narc parent. Xx
Jordy and all:
I am guilty of having Frenchies that go crazy over squirrels. They caught three. In mouth, wet, thrown. Picked up again. Released. All survived with my help. They even throw things at my dogs, yell at them. Even come close to tell them exactly what they think. Funny creatures. My 10 month old puppy leaps as high as he can thinking he can reach the top of the tree and speaks to them in a unique whiny voice. I could leave for 8 hours and find them looking up in the tree. Squirrels are that fascinating to some. So sadly yes, I could aid in saving the chestnuts. lol I have also witnessed a squirrel fight. It was total MMA!
It makes me really, really happy when animals like me. I feel so good. Could it be that’s common among empaths? But for some reason squirrels try to kill me. I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong, but I must have offended one of them long ago and word got around.
Even a blind squirrel finds nuts once in awhile. lol
(laughing)
I have no nuts.
Fine. I’ll return them.
Dani,
“I’ll turn you the right way up now and take you off the wall.”
You lucky, lucky bastard!
I am lucky. And I have learned a lesson… HG helped improved my writing. All it took was a little time hung upside down on the wall…The Ultrasound methods…they work. They really work.
I hate autocorrect. Ultra’s*
Oh! I thought he’d invented some new torture method.
Allison and Dani,
You two are funny 😄😄xx
Prolix psychopathic thoughts trail roundabout the sprawling woods, winding their tortuous and labyrinthine way home.
All better now?
No, calling my thoughts prolix is just as bad.
Indeed.
While narcissists and psychopaths are sometimes fascinating to get to know because they live in ways we’d never dare or want, even the more benign ones are tricky to be around interpersonally. When its family it can be harder to cut or manage ties. I used a blunt instrument, moved from the far left to far right side of the continent. I eventually settled on ‘some people you have to love or respect from a safe distance.’ It is them, not you. There’s no need to get self righteous or explain yourself when parting company. They just live differently than we do. Leave the morality plays to law enforcement when required and move on. Just try not to kid yourself about who they actually were.
The best thing about HG is that he can be honest in ways no one with his diagnosis ever could irl. I’m thankful for the opportunity to ask questions or learn more about his experiences. For better and worse, it paints a richer picture of some who passed my way.
Correction. New Intro. New Intro is electrifying. Sorry. Was listening, not watching.
I really like it. It distinguishes the experience from everything else that’s out there, and sets a bracket for the material.
Hello H.G.: I can’t wait to delve into ASPD. Your new series on Virginia! Can’t wait!
Much to enjoy!
The new channel video outros are electrifying and upsetting. Thank you for keeping them very brief.
Sir, I watch and listen to all the experts about human behavior, persuasion, former secret service agents, network building, leadership and such like and I ask myself for whom is all this information if the main piece in navigating all those fields is missing? What difference does all this information about human behavior make if the understanding about how narcissists and psychopaths permeate the society and behave in it, is not taken into account?!
The algorithm better do its job with the new channel, or else!
Fantastic decision, sir!!!
Thank you.
Or else, what? Jordy–I want to know how you will swoop down and seek vengeance on the algorithm…don’t leave me hangin’. And I want to help. Thus far, I definitely see more psychology help videos and narcissism videos in the suggested. So I think it is working.
Or else, rrra-ta-ta-ta…stars will fall…
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/u0e7cXvhWrQ
I’m starting to get recommendations for the new channel itself, in addition to more on the topic in general. At first when I searched, even including “HG Tudor” as a search term I was getting lots of general hits on the topics of narcissism and psychopathy, almost all of it useless. But now HG’s videos are returning as results and the new channel material is also being recommended more often and appearing in my feed. Doing a little Google Fu now.
Thank you for providing that feedback, that’s helpful.
In my recommended videos–I’m getting some of the older pure narcissism videos from the Ultra channel and some from the new channel while watching the new channel. (I usually just navigate to the channel pages and hang out there to get the new videos.) It’s looking fantastic!
Thank you for the feedback, Dani, this is helpful to know.
You are most welcome.
HG,
I like how I get both notifications for both channels in one place, no need to hop back and forth, perfectly works together and so entertaining! Xx
Mr. Tudor, will “Educating HG” continue on the Ultra channel or will it move to Narcissism and Psychopathy with HG? I think understanding your behavior as a child/teen/young adult is a fascinating layer of information that falls into both categories in different ways. I think a live q&a would be super fun there. Perhaps a bit cozier with those more interested in you and the pathology and less TOW.
Thank you so much for your time. Super looking forward to more on the new channel. Much appreciated.
It will move to the new channel.
I anticipate a Q&A livestream on the new channel once it has grown.
That’s going to be so much fun, sir! A Q&A livestream. Do let us know ahead of time, please.
I always feel a bit anxious when you do important announcements…I can’t help it. But they’ve thus far only been fun announcements. Though, you did worry me as you talked about everything that you had been considering.
I’m super looking forward to more Educating HG and more of the Psychopath series. I’m hoping for more about traits like saviour. The actions that society looks upon as being empathic, rescuing someone, and yet how many of the actions between beginning and ending the mission…there are actions that must be undertaken that seem made for a psychopath to enjoy.
As per the excellent video today, “What Does My Psychopathy Do For Me?”…
1. Do empaths display varying levels of psychopathic traits?
An empath can run into a fire to save a child. It strikes me that in that case, that would be an empathic trait (caring about an innocent life) driving a psychopathic behaviour (fearlessly running into the flames to rescue).
2. Is that something you can talk more about?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated!
1. An empath will still be fearful when conducting rescue, there is no absence of fear, they avoid paralysis caused by fear owing to a separate motivating factor.
Thank you so much for answering, sir. Much appreciated.
1. Have you worked together (been a team of two) with an empath when rescuing a third person?
No.
Mr. Tudor: An empath will still be fearful when conducting rescue, there is no absence of fear, they avoid paralysis caused by fear owing to a separate motivating factor.
I hope you will cover topics like this on the new channel. I think they’re critical.
Thank you, sir.
If I remember correctly, you said that you had worked on the Tinder Swindler case…
1. Is that something you might talk more about later? Your personal involvement in it (or something similar if that one is HG classified).
2. Were you working with an extended team and what facts as you were hunting him helped you the most?
3. How important was it to understand the victims when it came to understanding the perpetrator?
4. What do you look for in such matters to be your starting point?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated, sir.
HG,
I love the livestream Q &As! I’m looking forward to them on the new channel and all the answers on Psychopathy! Xx ❤️❤️
Good afternoon HG,
I’ve subscribed to your new channel. It’s such a wonderful idea as I’m much more interested in narcissism and learning more about that and you.
Just thinking ahead, will you be offering membership on your new channel when that becomes available to you?
Thank you
I will.
HG, I was wondering the same thing in regard to membership on your new channel – great to read this. Thank you x
I love this idea! You really are very good to us! Thank you! I’ve just subscribed to the new channel!
Leigh,
I really like the intro! I’m so glad HG made another channel and I subscribed too! Xx
Thank you for the notice, sir. Much appreciated.
We all need to watch this.
Get your aubergine ready.
Aubergine?
I hope it’s good news, HG xx ❤️❤️
The image of the announcement reminds me of one film 🙂
Aspi, I see a Nazgûl !!!🔥💍🔥
Hi Rebecca,
I saw your comment to AV. Its very sinister! I LOVE IT!
If you two are taking about the new intro, I love it too! Short and to the point yet very sinister. I appreciate this new channel in general very much.
Glad you like it, AV.
Hello H.G.: Your analysis of P Diddy was very detailed and logically found him a narc. But why do so many pscologists and psychiatrists call him a psychopath: I refer to the one for example on Nancy Grace. I have said that I get the two confused especially a narcissistic psychopath from a psychopath from a narcissist when there is murder or serial murder. To me, the lit goal is to play God. And life and death is that goal. I don’t have your ability to analysize. Could you share some light?
I do not know why they call him a psychopath as I have not heard or read their reasons for stating a such, therefore I cannot comment.
Hi Contagious,
Mr. Tudor answers a lot of questions on this thread:
https://narcsite.com/2023/03/11/knowing-the-psychopath-an-uncaring-perfect-predator/#comments
Here are some answers from Mr. Tudor from that thread:
https://narcsite.com/2023/03/11/knowing-the-psychopath-an-uncaring-perfect-predator/comment-page-1/#comment-441362
https://narcsite.com/2023/03/11/knowing-the-psychopath-an-uncaring-perfect-predator/comment-page-1/#comment-440102
https://narcsite.com/2023/03/11/knowing-the-psychopath-an-uncaring-perfect-predator/comment-page-1/#comment-441640
https://narcsite.com/2023/03/11/knowing-the-psychopath-an-uncaring-perfect-predator/comment-page-1/#comment-440971
Hi Contagious,
I found two more about sadism and psychopathy that I think are important:
https://narcsite.com/2023/03/11/knowing-the-psychopath-an-uncaring-perfect-predator/comment-page-1/#comment-440174
https://narcsite.com/2023/03/11/knowing-the-psychopath-an-uncaring-perfect-predator/comment-page-1/#comment-440885
I do, HG! And I’m enjoying watching/rewatching the videos you’re posting there. I look forward to learning about any club options you offer down the road also.
Thank you for creating this new option for those of us who appreciate this approach. I hope it is another success for you.
Hi Leigh! Thank you for taking the time. I did read H.G. said greater were narcissistic psychopaths. But my question remains is that a comorbidity of both and does psychopathy ALWAYS predominate. Lucky me, I married one and had children. He was diagnosed by the top psychologist in custody cases in Orange County, CA. A wealthy place . I guess my problem was… he wasn’t a bad husband or father. OK he was just a criminal connected to organized crime he kept hidden. There was NONE of the games and bs I went through with my narc. None. He was stable steady calm rich. We never fought in 7 years. Did he cheat? I found out post divorce yet. BUT the FBI called me in. I had to leave him per my lawyer. The divorce was another event in itself. At the time I read books, met with various psychologists, I was read to believe criminals are a definite breed from Ted Bundy . NOT THE SAME. But Ted killed hot and cold. Was he unique? A psychopath and a sociopath? And Hare says there is a spectrum and he is a lead psychologist in the study of ASPD. I have skin in the game, my kids and they adore him but know his crazy limitations. He is psychotic about money. There is nothing guess work no nuance. Could he kill sineibe? Probably. But not me. Not his first ex. He simply didn’t.
Question to Al! Any one but me married or dated a diagnosed ASPD? Mine was amazing at first. I was a rich lawyer who gave up her 250,000 practice to have a kid and met him. Day one: he wanted marriage, he wanted more kids, he had two from his first, he moved me into a 10,000 square foot mansion on the beach, we had Nannie’s, cleaners, landscapers. For the first time in my life since 14, I didn’t work. He was Jewish Italian from Brooklyn NYC, and he said he believed in Jesus to marry me. He said he had an epiphany to Christ when his sister died of cancer. He baptized our children. He stood up in church and raised his hand in the belief of Christ. His first ex gave me pictures of devils he drew behind the baptism cards. It was a LIE. In fact, during our divorce he told the judge if I wanted to get on my knees before Jesus a man so be it. What an idiot, to say before a Catholic Cuban judge! I won that motion. There is so much I could say about the two years of child custody where his psychopathy shown. But during the marriage, stable. After the proceedings ended, he was not a bad father. He just made his money as a money launderer for the mob.
Hi Leigh! In a nutshell, I was an ASPD wife and had children with him. But give me a choice between a narc and a psychopath… psychopath any day of the week. He was calm, rich, stable, a provider, and sexual although boring next to my narc. BUT my narc was a mess, erratic and dramatic and lots of abuse. My psycho never abused me openly. He did have an affair. I found out later but during the divorce. … he put a gun to my head and told me hit men would kill me. I spent 150,00 fighting him for two years in a custody dispute, I finally won 80%. His rich lawyer top dog in the county said he never met anyone like me. I asked him how it felt to destroy children as profession in reply. I got to him. My ex ASPD turned out an ok dad. He showed up and took everyone of her achievements as his own. I never asked for money, that helped a lot FIR HIM. Her happiness was worth the money I could have gained. I never alienated but encou aged the relationship but taught her the empathy and morals she needed AND I embraced his mother and children from the first marriage, giving them love and gifts and having them over for holidays. Not a manipulation, I love them but it didn’t hurt my goal of peace with the ASPD. I think you must meet them to understand. So much more I could say
Hi Contagious,
I do remember your story. I remember reading about it when you first came to the blog. Some narcs actually make ok parents too. I think I’ve heard Mr. Tudor say that as well. Not all narcs are the same. Your second husband is a Middle Lesser, correct? Could it be that your first husband was a Greater narcissist which would make him a narcissistic psychopath. Have you done the narc detector on him? Think Taylor Swift or Bill Clinton. Do you think your ex could be similar to them?
Contagious,
I think there are different reasons why the word psychopath is used…One is lack of expertise. Many tests can only be administered by people deemed qualified (for good reasons). There is a lot of training involved. Many conditions have overlap. Look at the Amber Heard trial.
One expert found BPD and HPD.
One found PTSD/cPTSD.
One expert thought Depp was a narcissist and Amber was a delight.
Might sound cynical, but they found what they were paid (told) to find.
Two: People will know it, and there is a fascination with it amongst those who enjoy genres with violent crime/criminals. I think there will be clout chasers and attention seekers in their number. I think there will be honest mistakes. There will be those trying to use language more of their audience will understand. I think most adults have a misinformed understanding of what a psychopath is. ASPD is not so well known and sounds less glamorous.
I spent a long time searching for someone to diagnose autism in my area. There is only one person qualified and willing to diagnose adults, even by referral from doctors within 150 miles. During my search I found the majority of therapists advertising their practices listed what appeared to be the entire DSM catalog of disorders and mental health problems as their “expertise.” I doubt the majority of them are qualified to be diagnosing any of the complex serious disorders. Red flag that someone is an expert in nothing…appearing to be an expert in the entirety of a very nuanced field. The majority of them were also not advanced psychology degree holders. With the right training, people with a variety of degrees are able to dispense therapy. Why would they claim a wide range of expertise? Multiple reasons are possibly. Money, inflated ego, genuinely wanting to help, interest in those disorders, control, fuel…I’m sure there are others.
Those are my current thoughts…
It would be interesting to know the expertise of the good doctors who worked with HG. Were they experts in his particular pathology? How many therapy sessions to get to the center of HG? The world may never know. Couldn’t resist the reference…
Good insights Dani. In addition to what you describe there’s an added layer of interference in the U.S. with regards to a wide discrepancy in medical insurance coverages. I was made more aware of it, inadvertently, working in nursing homes.
Medicine is for profit. Businesses determine what they can bill the most for, sometimes diagnosis one thing if another isn’t covered. Most individual practitioners are well meaning, but they aren’t involved with the billing side and nobody gets to the doctors until the hospitals or clinics determine whether they will get paid first. Their employers determine who they can treat, for what, with what interventions or medications and for how long.
Unfortunately the only way to avoid this system is to pay for medical care 100% out-of-pocket. Of course the overwhelming majority are unable.
Hi Leigh:
I never did a consult on my first husband as a very educated, neutral, top child psychologist diagnosed him AND while he has limits, he didn’t give me any conflict or problems with child custody. Like I said, it amazed/amazes me that this occurred. Someone wrote narcissists can be good fathers. Well… Trump has good kids, and seems to have good relationships with them. My instinct would be no to both as if no empathy, how can you be a good parent but I guess if they want to be a parent, it can work out ok. Or more likely if they pick a good partner;)
Hi Contagious,
I don’t get it either. I know my parents were terrible but I also made excuses for their terrible behavior. Maybe some who’ve been raised by narcs who weren’t so bad, consider them ok parents. Maybe even good parents. Donald Trump is a good example. Maybe his children make excuses for his behaviors as well.
Its up to you, but I wouldn’t be surprised if your first husband was a narc too. I definitely see some red flags.
Forgive me for saying this. I don’t think anyone who views and treats other people as inanimate objects can be good for the people they interact with, especially not children because children learn how to treat other people from their parents.
That said, harm mitigation isn’t to be ignored. Maybe some will provide financially. My grandfather compartmentalized family and treated us superficially as he guessed a good normal or empathic man of a certain status would. He also sought to educate us about his superior mindset or philosophy of human behavior. Some people were family. Most people were trash. Trash got what they deserved. Only weak people would sympathize with trash. Thankfully I had other family and grew up in a culture that challenged his notions of human refuse.
I spent even less time than my mother did with him and have only good memories. Late teens it became clear that one side of the family had a pretty flat, dark view of humanity and life in general.
As I said, mom adored her father even though he was inconsistently available. Everyone laughed and glossed over stories about how he jeopardized his wife and babies almost as though they never happened. Its a tough to go against the tenor in an environment like that and I never challenged my mother to see her father more clearly. Hardly seemed fair. My brothers and I started to discuss ‘the family’ amongst ourselves in our teens.
I wish you and your children all the best. I hope for less harm, more good after your experiences with mentally ill people.
Thank you for your input, Nifty.
Yes, harm mitigation is a perfect way to describe it. I’ve done that myself with all the narcs in my life. Sometimes it can be difficult to shatter the rose colored glasses.
Hi AV,
Yes, I’m talking about the new intro! I love it!
Hello every blogger: if you have never been a wife and mother to an IPSS, it’s hard to understand. I would take a day to day with a psychopath over a narc any day of the year unless you get in their way. Life or death then. But they aren’t the dramatic, erratic, abusive fucks like narcs. They are stable, calm, often rich, hide their crimes and lovers, providers. In my case, limited interest. Money money money. Goal driven. I was treated like a princess. Never devalued. After my divorce, he was an ok father no incident. He is close to the children to this day. They love him. I know what’s kussing and I sacrifice and provide it to without alienating him it asking for money for my kids sake. We haven’t spoke once since the divorce 18 years ago. It worked great. Harmony. No drama. Never would you get that result with a narc! The top psychologist in Orange County Ca said criminals can make good fathers. She was right. Can narcs?
Hey Contagious. I can’t quite match your experiences, but have something close.
My other grandfather was a mobster. Great cook. Owned restaurants as gambling fronts. Regularly had ‘business meetings’ in Vegas. Learned later mom had multiple half siblings scattered around the country.
He was handsome, charming, warm and generous. He just wasn’t around very often. He separated from my grandmother when mom and her brother were toddlers. According to my grandmother, two thugs showed up at the house to collect something. Granddad hid in a bedroom closet with the babies while grandma waited in the living room with the men for granddad to come home. After that, they had a signal. Grandma would turn on the porch light so granddad wouldn’t enter the house when his associates were present.
Eventually, grandma and the kids relocated to SoCal and grandad continued on in the Bay area. My mom adored her father. And whatever he may have done elsewhere, he always tried to act respectable with family.
Take care.
Nifty: I loved your story about the mobster grandpa. My child psychologist said criminals can make good fathers…I once asked HG if psychopaths can be good fathers and he answered something like if it is what they want, if it works for them. And even with some famous serial killers, Ted Bundy brother said he was a great brother. Gacy was a family man. Maybe it’s a front? I don’t know. X
Hey Leigh: being a parent is like watching your heart leave your body forever… love. Sloppy empaths. We got it. But how do you deal with a narc daughter? I can’t imagine. No doubt you spoke to HG… I am so sorry! Must be challenging! Hugs!
Hi Contagious,
I didn’t do an audio consult with Mr. Tudor. I did the narc detector consult though. Mr. Tudor also suggested, “How to Handle a Parental Narcissist”. That bulletin was incredibly helpful. I have to take her in small doses. She can be incredibly mean. I’m getting better at letting her words roll off my back though.
Leigh,
I’m excited to learn more about Psychopathy and that part of HG! Xx The intro is perfect for Halloween season and gives me the Plague Doctor vibes! I love it! Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I’m eager to learn as well. Mr. Tudor is a wealth of information. His new video, “What Does My Psychopathy Do For Me” was fascinating. I’m looking forward to more.
Hi Leigh and Contagious,
I’m sorry for cutting in on your conversation, but Leigh made a point I wanted to add to. Xx
Leigh, you said that your knew your parents were terrible, but you made excuses for them.
I did the same for my mother and sometimes my Dad and brother. Later I made excuses for my ex narc husband and now I do the same for current narc husband.
We make excuses to keep the peace, to smooth things over, to keep things as calm as possible, to keep the feeling of a safe environment, but it’s not safe. It would feel safer, yes, but it was never safe. Xx
I never reported the abuse to the police, not the physical, emotional abuse from my Mother and not the sexual abuse from my brother. A doctor tried and failed, but he figured it out without my words.
I had a childhood therapist I told, but she didn’t report it. I kept it to myself most of the time, to protect them and because I felt shame, shame because I thought it made me a bad kid. Why else would I be hit, but for being bad? What I thought back then and I still blame myself when things go wrong. It’s my first reaction, to blame me. Hard habit to break, like most of them are. Xx
Rebecca,
Blaming ourselves is an incredibly hard habit to break. We want to make excuses for their abhorrent behavior. But we have to stop doing that. Their behavior is abhorrent. That’s it. No more excuses. We have to draw that line for our own sanity.
Hi Leigh and Contagious,
I agree with you and I’ve been standing up for myself more often at work now and at home.
Some big changes going on at work, it’s been a bit toxic lately and I hope the changes will be an improvement. Somethings gotta give because it’s become a fighting ring some days, but I do work with narcs, so it’s part of the problem.
I’ll know more next week, until then I will keep standing up for myself and others, if I have to keep fighting for my place at work, I will.
I wish I didn’t have to deal with the narcs at work, but they are part of the work place, no getting around that fact of life. I do the best I can to keep going, pay my bills, have a place to live and have food to eat. That’s more than some can afford right now. I’m grateful I have that.
I struggle with balance, my stress and emotions spike up often and I fight to keep them even. It’s a battle I fight with myself mostly and the other half is my environment.
I get out and enjoy nature, take a brisk walk, breathe and let the tension leave and my racing thoughts are soothed with music in my ears…that’s how I calm down, nature and activity. It helps with stress and negative thoughts. My dancing, as you called it Contagious, how I release the negative and bring in the positive feelings, brisk walks and nature trails..xx
Hi Rebecca and Contagious,
I love the song, “I Hope You Dance”. Now every time I hear it, I’ll think of the two of you!
I take a lot of walks too, Rebecca. Its so calming and really helps me refocus.
No, there’s not much we can do about narcs in the workplace. To find a job without any narcs seems like an impossible task. It’s best to just avoid them as much as possible and then find a way to decompress. I hope you get some positive news next week. Hopefully it’ll become a little easier for you.
Thanks Leigh and Contagious, I’m kinda looking forward to next week and kinda worried about it. Xx I’m facing whatever maybe in front of me. Xx
I had a question for the both of you, hope you answer it, but you don’t have to….xx
When you stand up for yourself and speak up and address an issue with management, do you feel like a jerk afterwards? Like you’re the narc, or the problem? I get self doubt and self critisism and I start worrying I’m the issue because it seems like I address issues and everyone else complains and does nothing about it. I want to fix it, so I go to management, but then i feel like I’m being a pain in the butt. Do you feel that way? Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I actually work in Human Resources so I have absolutely no problem addressing management or any employees in general. People have to be held to account. Sometimes it doesn’t go well but then they’re out the door.
Have you had a conversation with HR? I do find that some people in HR are more concerned with protecting the company rather than the employee. I’m somewhere in the middle. I’ve seen company policies be changed because they were too rigid. I’ve also had to terminate employees because they went to far.
If you’re not ok with something, its ok if you voice your concerns. You’re not being a pain in the butt. That’s your self doubt creeping in. I agree that its important to fix issues when you see them arise. That’s how problems get resolved. Think about the reverse. Let’s say you knew about something and you said nothing about it. What happens if management finds out and asks you if you knew about it? Even if they don’t let you go because you knew about it and you didn’t say anything, you just chipped away at their trust for you. If you decide not to admit that you knew, then you’re guilt will start to eat at you.
I think you’re doing the right thing. I’m going to keep my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Hi Leigh,
I love my brisk walks! I think I’d lose it, if I couldn’t release my tension and stress on a daily bases! I need that release, I feel wound up at work and it’s a great stress reliever for me. Xx I wish I lived in the mountains and farther away from all the noise and human traffic, just me and the mountains. My happy place in my mind, mountain air and a little stream of trickling water…..doesn’t that sound peaceful and relaxing? Xx
Rebecca,
I really like walking through the woods but after listening to Mr. Tudor’s videos, I don’t know now, lol. Seeing the birds and the squirrels and chipmunks sooths me. I don’t know what it is about the trees but I like being around them. We have some arboretums, gardens and sanctuaries by me. I like to go for walks there.
Sometimes I don’t mind the human traffic as long as they don’t interact with me, lol. I like to people watch,
Hi Rebecca:
I will respond but I am the wrong person to ask. I can put up with a lot so long as it doesn’t get in my way. Sexism? Yes yes yes and I don’t care so long as I can do my job and most of all make money. My first job, I flew weekly managing an Orange County and Las Vegas office. I had 21 multimillion cases in Vegas alone. All the partners were men and I came in with a partnership agreement and demanded a partnership ( share in profits). There was debate. So I packed up my office and was leaving for the door when they agreed. Once at the DA office, the cops were whistling at me and I got so angry, I said “ do I need to get someone in here to teach you how to be a witness on my case!” They stopped. The worst was my last firm, the owner who was AWFUL, a total bully, sent Human Resources in to tell me and other women ( assistants), he didn’t like high heels and preferred women lawyers (I was the only female lawyer) to wear pants not skirts. I wrote him direct and said “ this is not the 70s and I am not Annie Hall and do I need to get the Orange County Women’s Lawyers or the Bar Association ( which I was on the board) to write you a response? I dress for success!” I always treated staff ( all women) with the respect they deserved. Not him! He is the proverbial old school , conservative, sexist rich old man. They all loved me especially since I stood up to him. But see, if he got in my way, I would walk and maybe sue. In the end, it’s always about the money. I made them money. So he “respected” me. And I think “ our discussions” and insistence on negotiating for me… he respected that too. And I have found, if you are going to take a stance, be ready to walk. I finally did and opened my own firm. My ex boyfriend and mentor wrote a review on LinkedIn stating that I was “ fearless with a smile. The real deal!” He is a nationally award winning ABOTA level rich rich lawyer who I admire and learned from greatly so it meant a lot. In the end, my advice, focus on the work and if someone is in your way, maybe find a diplomatic way to address it. Not like me. I am the same way with cases, opposing counsel. But don’t let anyone clip your wings. You worked too hard ! But warning: my way of handling things might not be the best advice for you! You should consult with those maybe who know your specific situation better or HG! Xxx best of luck always!
Leigh–
The woods are fine and beautiful. It’s strangers within them to be wary of. I know that house made of gingerbread looks very nice…now, let’s be sure to post signs for children to know not to vandalize it.
I’m very nervous for Claire and her brother…given the rambling thoughts in HG’s mind that he’s shared.
Rambling? Rambling?! My thoughts don’t ramble, hikers ramble!
I agree, Dani. You do have to be wary of strangers within the woods. As I child, I remember one stranger trying to show a group of us his, “you know what”. I was probably 7 at the time. I didn’t see anything. Thank goodness. I remember someone screamed what he was doing and we all ran.
Another time I got lost in the woods. I was probably 9 or 10 at the time. I was a little nervous about being lost. I just sat for a minute though and got my bearings. Then I was able to figure out how to get home.
Even with those two incidents, I still like being surrounded by trees. Now I’m just more cautious about it. I go to a controlled area like an arboretum or park. I like to drag my daughter with me too.
I’m very nervous for Claire and David as well. What’s going to happen next?!?!
Thanks Leigh, for the advice and encouraging words. Xx
Yeah, I hate it when self doubt creeps in, makes things more stressful because then I worry….🙄
No offense, but HR is the last resort for me. I prefer to go up the chain of command, but it’s hard when you have narcs in the line up.
We will see what happens this week, thanks for the good luck wishes and for replying. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
No offense taken. I agree. Its best to go through the chain of command first before going to HR. You don’t want to upset the chain of command either.
I was just thinking that sometimes HR has some insight in matters and might be able to guide you in the right direction. I realize though that not every HR professional is as good as me, lol!
I hope it works out for you.
Leigh,
I love walking through the woods, my best childhood memories are of playing war games in the woods! I feel so at home amongst the trees and little critters! I love watching the squirrels and hearing the birds! I take a lot of pics of the woods and wildlife in my area. I have a few parks i love walking in and I also walk around my neighborhood after dark. Xx
My favorite park has a river that runs on the edge of the park. I wish I could move my house into the park, that would be great! 😄 xx
I had a pet squirrel, when I was a kid. He was adorable and loved to play! Xx
That’s so awesome, Rebecca! What was the name of your pet squirrel?
Recently, I found a sanctuary about 10 minutes away from me. A small river runs through it. I love finding new places to walk. I love to explore. I’m too nervous to walk at night though. I’m a scaredy cat.
I had a work pet squirrel! Weather permitting, I’m outside for lunch. One little guy would sit next to me and scootch closer bit by bit until I share my fruit. He loved watermelon. Soon enough he’d just park himself about 6 inches next to me as soon as I sat, like ‘so what’ve got to eat today.’
I love it, Nifty!
Leigh,
I’m enjoying HG’s story about Clair and the woods, meeting HG and the suspense of the story! 😱 I’m dying to know what happens! Xx
Rebecca, the suspense is killing me! I can’t wait for the next installment!
Hey, HG,
don’t knock rambling prematurely! Ramblers will get to the top, by hook or by crook. They will use anybody standing in their way as a means to climb higher, pulling them down in the process or leaning on them until they either crumble or serve as support. And they are fast. They look fantastic, but get close to them and you will get hurt. And if you cut them down to get rid of them, they will reappear in a flash. If you are looking for a national flower for a narc country, a white rambler would not be the worst choice you could make.
I presume these ramblers have thorns. No?
Apologies for the word rambling, sir…
I’m worried for Claire and her brother, given the deeply sinister and potentially vengeful way impulses and violent imaginings percolate in young HG’s Mephistophelian mind. What nefarious plot will he concoct? What depraved glee will pulse through his veins as he strikes fear into the hearts of these new entrants to his world? The power of this master of Machiavellian machinations wields! What malice will these adventurers experience as he who will mature into the Ultra fixes them in his invisible strings and fashions them into his marionettes?
Is that better?
Much. I’ll turn you the right way up now and take you off the wall.
Freedom! https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExbG01NXFhcWhiYTFzajZ1cDJtZTN6bzB2MTlla2x6dGJzdXcxaTZwayZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/rZo9VvWjsXi6Sguefr/giphy.webp
Thank you, sir.
Nifty Cydonia,
do they have thorns? Boy, do they ever (though the correct term would be prickles)! One function is to serve as a defense mechanism, of course. The prickles are modified epidermal cells, like an external construct or shell, they are part of the outer skin.
They also serve as hooks for climbing, so they are quite robust. And the smallest of twigs carry thorns so tiny you hardly see them. When you grip them or even just brush past, the barbs will embed in your skin and can plague you for a long time, if you do not rip them out and cease all contact with them.
As long as you strip the base of its thorns for gripping, a sturdy rose branch will serve you quite well as a weapon, especially from one of the more prickly varieties. The threat of pain would scare off many an attacker.
People with squirrel connections, how do I train mine not to steal the sweet chestnuts I collected but collect and bring them to me? Even more important during summer as cherry pickers – is my future plan. I know, I know too much Disney, BUT what if ??!!!
Dani, the gingerbread hut is a safe house! What was the password again?
https://i.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExazN0cWZ2bzBwemNzbzMwZ2VzZmhxYjRiN216MnRtYWRzaWNwdWloeiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/BpyFJKvk1RVD2/giphy.gif
Jordy
Potassium chloride is the password. Look at what it does to gummy bears…Large and small…
Leigh,
Did you listen to Part 3 today? 😱 A little kid climbing a tall tree = bad idea! This is not going to be good! 😬🫣xx
Rebecca,
I’m on pins and needles! Something tells me that Mr. Tudor is going to save him. I hope!!
Leigh and Niffty,
I was in Elementery school when we had Bigfoot, our pet squirrel. I named him Bigfoot because he was a young squirrel and his feet were too big for his body, his feet were so big they reminded me of BIgfoot’s footprints, so Bigfoot fitted him. 😄 He was an Eastern grey squirrel, he was fun to play with and he got attached to my brother and I. He liked sitting on our shoulder and watching what we were doing, especially if it involved eating something….he had to try some of that….he was a delight and very cute! My Dad built him a big, tall cage to sleep in and relax in. He usually was playing with us, except for his naps and bedtime….when we weren’t in school. He is a fond memory of childhood and when I see a aquirrel, I smile thinking of him. I fed a squirrel at an outdoor restaurant recently, he came right up to me and I fed him chips.
It’s odd, I was just thinking….the squirrel didn’t fear my brother, but yet the dog didn’t like him. I remember HG saying, not all animals will react negatively to a psychopath /narcissist…some can sense bad intentions, just like some people can too. I agree HG, I know my childhood dog didn’t like him. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I hope your brother treated Big Foot ok.
Leigh,
Get some mace and you can walk at night too. 😄 Pink glittery one, like mine. I call it my narc repellent. 😄xx
Hi Rebecca,
Hmmm. I just had a weird reaction to this comment. I’ve never carried any sort of device to protect myself. I just try not to put myself in precarious situations. I felt very uneasy at the thought of hurting someone else, even if it was to protect myself. My daughter has pepper spray. She commutes to work and uses the subway, so she needs it. I’m not sure why the thought of carrying pepper spray bothered me so much though. That’s got me very curious.
Knock, knock.
Potassium chloride.
Gummy bears rescue on its way.
https://i.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExYm1raW96Nm40M2YwMHBoZDNkbzRjYWNzYjdzcHk4a3JlNWY0aWRwaSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/relSRdIMtKVcPrSfyT/giphy.gif
Jordy…https://media1.tenor.com/m/RaNSPyq9JnIAAAAd/kuzco-bring-it-on.gif
And…
https://tenor.com/view/x-men-97-rogue-surprises-boy-do-we-get-some-surprises-for-you-x-men-gif-4416619977303913683
I think HG will rescue David, too. I hope so. I hope to know soon. I’m very concerned about this precarious situation.
Hi Leigh,
I haven’t used the mace yet. I believe I would, if I needed to. I don’t have a problem with defending myself, when it comes to physical attacks, not that I’m strong or violent…it’s an automatic reaction to violence for me. When I get hit, I defend myself. I don’t think, I react.
Maybe because I react quickly to the fight or flight situation, part of being in alert mode and being a bit high strung? I jump at loud noises and I’m aware of my surroundings. I’ve been like this, since childhood.
I’d carry a baseball bat, if I didn’t look nuts carrying it around. 🙃😄 I think it would definitely make a better warning to potential attackers.
The way I see it Leigh, if someone is going at you to physically hurt you, you have every right to defend yourself, don’t feel bad for saving your life. They made the decision to try to hurt, I’d say make them live to regret that decision.
Sorry, I don’t like rapist s and I don’t feel sorry for them. They make me very angry. To do that to someone….unforgivable. xx
Hi Rebecca,
I think part of my aversion to the mace is that I do have the ability to be violent, especially when I’m protecting somebody. Sometimes my geyser has come out as anger and in a destructive way. I’ve used physical force against my husband before. What if I became so blinded by my anger that I use it when it wasn’t necessary to use? This is the same reason I wouldn’t own a gun. I do see the value in having these items to protect yourself. In theory, it makes complete sense. Having these items make me incredibly nervous that I’ll use them in the wrong way. I just don’t trust myself.
Leigh,
Part 4, the suspense is driving me nuts! Xx I hope David doesn’t get hurt, that HG plays the hero and gets the girl….knowing HG, he wants Clair and HG knows, if anything happens to David, Clair will be upset and might halt his plans….so maybe saving David is the way to go….or HG may let David get hurt, so he can console Clair….Which way will it go? Xx
Hi Leigh,
Your self doubt is causing you to worry about what you might do to your husband. I can understand that worry, but you have to protect yourself first. Try not to worry about what you might do to him defending yourself and instead, think about what he could do to you without the mace, or other weapon you might use to defend yourself. I keep my mace in my bedroom because sometimes MLSN gets randy and it’s a reminder to him that it’s there and no means no. I don’t have a problem with using it and I won’t use it unless I need to use it. I’m almost 100% sure you wouldn’t either. Xx
I have also been so anger before that I have broken things, my Geyser is strong and my anger trait is up there too….but, I don’t respond with violence unprovoked….If you think logically, you’ll realize you were provoked when you got destructive before…I don’t think you would do it now without being provoked. Don’t worry Leigh, you’re allowed to defend yourself. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Yes, I definitely was provoked when I had violent or destructive reactions. It’s still not ok though. It wasn’t always with my husband though. Sometimes it was with my mother. I never put my hands on my mother though. When she provoked me I would break things. I don’t know. Weapons scare me.
Thankfully I don’t have to worry about my narc getting randy. He’s a lower mid range with shriveled up balls and never even tries to initiate. Thank goodness!
I saw your comment about your mom and feeling guilty that you weren’t there when she asked for you. I know with awareness now, it’s helping you move past it. But yes, our guilt can really mess with our heads. I had a similar reaction when my father died. I hadnt spoke to him in years. I felt tremendous guilt because he died alone. He was in his bed for at least two weeks before anyone found him. He’s been gone for 15 years now. One day it clicked though and I realized that he didn’t deserve my sympathy or guilt. He alienated everyone around him and he did it to himself.
I know its not easy though. I hope you can make peace with it.
Rebecca…I finally realized what kind of mace you have…I was totally thinking this…and imagining Mr. Tudors surprise…
https://tortugatrading.com/cdn/shop/products/FullSizeRender_cd2bf722-0744-469d-942b-acb4a92df520.jpg?v=1545237582
I know people who collect weapons…
LMAO, Dani! Imagine Rebecca walking around in the dark carrying that! That would definitely keep the bad guys away!
Hi Leigh,
My brother didn’t treat Bigfoot badly, at least not in front of me and he didn’t tell me he did. My parents didn’t tell me either.
As far as I know, he didn’t, Leigh. I think if he did, it would have been noticable, being how little Bigfoot was. Harm would have been noticable on him. No worries, Bigfoot wasn’t harmed by my brother. He was too entertained by setting the woods on fire and throwing stink bombs in mailboxes, to be focused on little Bigfoot. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
When you mentioned your brother, I got nervous. But the very fact that Big Foot wasn’t scared of your brother was probably a good sign. I thought about that comment Mr. Tudor made about how bones sound when they’re breaking. It freaked me out a little bit.
Hi Leigh,
I made peace with my brother dying, after I realized it had nothing to do with me and it was all about his life choices and how poorly he took care of himself. I let the guilt go, but I still have moments of doubt. I’m just now figuring his behaviors out and why he did things like he did. He would hang out with me, like a good friend sometimes and then other times he would provoke me into fighting with him. He got off on making me mad, mad enough to hit him, when we were kids and early 20s. He would laugh, when I hit him. He got off on my angry reactions. It seemed to really please him to get to me like that….other times, he was a good friend ro me and very protective with me. It was confusing to be tormented and protected by the same person, and he usually was nice to me. I was wary around him and he sometimes tried to tickle me and that made my skin crawl. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Ugh! That would’ve made my skin crawl too. I’m sorry you went through that.
Hi Rebecca,
For some reason none of my comments are showing up. Something must’ve happened that day when I was writing my comments. I’m going to mash up the comments in one response.
Since Big Foot wasn’t afraid of your brother, your brother probably treated him fine. I was thinking about the time Mr. Tudor said, “I wonder what bones breaking sound like.” Knowing your brother was a psychopath, I wondered if he had those same thoughts.
Tickling would’ve made my skin crawl as well. I’m sorry you had to endure that.
I was referring to your mom when I asked about you feeling guilty. When you said you couldn’t get to the hospital earlier to see your mother because you had to work, I sensed guilt from you. I had mentioned viewing your mom as a genitor because viewing my parents that way has helped me. It helps draw the line.
Yes, I remember that your Dad is a normal and he was your intervener.
Thank you for the condolences for my brother. He was never married and never had children. Neither my mother or my other sibling came to his bedside or the funeral. I wanted so badly for his life to matter to someone else other than me. I wanted others to see that his life meant something. That he was special. It still makes me sad to think about it.
Hi Leigh,
I hope you read this. I think some of my comments are still in moderation and haven’t posted yet. Thank you for reposting your comment to me. Xx
I think my brother did have those thoughts, except maybe not as brutal, more like, What will happen if I break her model horse? He wasn’t violent towards me, nor Bigfoot.
I often wondered why he wasn’t violent towards me. HG, Do you know why he wasn’t violent towards me and more protective? Is there a reason and explaination??
I know our dogs didn’t like him. The male dog, especially didn’t like him. He would tease him, by pretending to hit me. He would hold his hand over my head and slowly move it towards my head, like to hit me. The male dog would growl at first and then as he kept making the threatening gesture towards me, he would snap at my brother and jump up at his hand. My brother would laugh and I’d yell at him to leave him alone. He would get bored and leave to torment someone else. He liked to annoy, more than attack, but he didn’t break bones, more like…let’s see what I can get away with today? Setting fires and throwing stinkbombs. I didn’t think of it as violent, but I think because he broke his arm twice, he already knew what breaking bones sounded like, so wasn’t interested in knowing that, he already knew it.
Tickling is what he did to annoy me, since I wouldn’t have sex with him and trying to force me wasn’t something he was willing to try again, he got hit in the balls the first time he tried to rape me. But, I think he knew Dad wouldn’t have been able to control himself a second time around. Dad barely let him live the first time. Dad tolerated him for my mother. He was her favorite, golden child. Dad, for a long time, seemed to hate my brother. My brother avoided my Dad for the most part. He was wary around him, more cautious. I thought it was fear. I think now, knowing he was a pschopath, his fear was an act to look normal. He wasn’t afraid of Dad, just cautious of his temper.
I did feel guilt for a long time and when I recall those memories of my mother’s last day, I do feel guilt still. I think of my mother as abusive, like she was. I push back on the thoughts of being the bad kid, as she painted me. I hold on to what HG said and it keeps me from going too deep into the rabbit hole of bad memories. I cover them back up and bury them again. Pat them down and say, FOff! Xx
It helps to keep in mind that she was no mother, only gave birth to me. Thank you, Leigh xx
I feel your pain about your brother. Xx His life mattered to you, he was important to you, think on that. Xx Doesn’t matter what your mother thought or your family. He was special to you, that’s what you keep in your mind. Xx
My brother was married, for a few years, wife left him, had enough of his abuse and I’m very grateful he didn’t have children, especially a daughter. Xx
Sorry for the long reply, HG and Leigh. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
It’s sounds like your brother enjoyed toying with you and the doggies. I’m glad you hit him in the balls. He deserved that and worse.
Maybe he protected you because you were one of the things he accumulated. I would think they’d want to protect their things. I guess.
Thank you for your kind words about my brother. Yes, he was special to me and I was special to him. I’m glad we had that bond.
Hi Leigh,
I think you’re right, my brother probably thought he owned me and why he was protective over me. He definitely enjoyed annoying me and making me mad. He even cheated in a card game, that we played with his wife, at the time and my husband. He told my husband (my husband told me what he said) ” I want you to watch how mad she gets when I cheat in this game, it’s really funny to watch her get mad.”
He played with the card deck and made it where I kept getting the same bad card, over and over again. I looked at him, after the fourth time. I said to him, staring him down….”You’re messing with the cards, aren’t you? I know you have to be, no one gets the same bad card that many times without someone playing with the cards. You are cheating!”
He said, “No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are, you are lying too!” Why can’t you play a game without cheating? You’re an a##!”
He starts laughing, “I wondered how long you would notice me cheating! Laughing some more and now my husband joins in on laughing too.
I laugh a bit, but mostly feel annoyed and I tell them, ‘I’m done playing with cheaters” and I get up and they both were telling me. “Oh! Come on! We were just playing! Can’t you take a joke? Sore loser!”
“I’m not a sore loser, no one won, you cheated!”
That was how a simple card game turned into how to annoy me and he did things like that. It’s a wonder I didn’t kick him in the balls, instead of saying hi when I saw him. He used to irritate me so damn much! Xx
No time like present Rebecca. …Shed that old dress and put on a brand new one …dance freely as you are NOT them, you are a breaker of chains of cycles and you are beautiful, wild and free and most of all… enough. I bet you have already gone the distance …
And as you travel, fellow traveler like me,
And I hope you choose the path less traveled;)
And that you always take the high road as it has the best vision.
X
Hi Rebecca: there are no words. It seemed the system failed you as they do so many. You were just a child. As an adult, no doubt why here, you have broken the chains of abuse, you anre a warrior who ended the cycle and seek even to remove the lingering memories and old responses. Bravo! You are my hero! Some just repeat the cycle and don’t seek to break free. You are a chain breaker! You are also taking the high road as it has the best vision! Well done my friend! There is a song called, I hope you dance. I dedicate it to you!
Leigh and Contagious,
Thank you both for your encouraging words. Xx
Contagious,
You’re right, I didn’t think of myself as someone who broke the chains of abuse from my mother. I thought I carried it with me, but you’re right I did break from her. She kept trying to get me back, but I did break from her. Xx
I didn’t carry on the generational abuse, it stopped at me. I did make that choice to not abuse and I’m happy I can say that.
That’s something to be proud of, thank you Contagious, it’s the little victories that matter too. Xx
Thank you Contagious, for your reply and advice. I have future plans to talk with HG about the situations at work. Xx
Yes HG: the most logical, calm , cool and collect. Best way to go! I love that I can always contact him if needed. 😉
I’m so sorry, Rebecca. You’re very strong.
Thank you Allison, but I don’t feel very strong, more like…Do I jump the next ball or kick it? Xx
Hi Dani,
Your link picture of the battling ax for representation of my mace, made me laugh! OMG! That would have been funny to pull out to show HG! 😆😆🤪
I do collect knives and little decorative blades, got them from Medieval Times, love the horse shows there! Xx
Rebecca, I was imagining HG’s surprise at seeing you swing that at an assailant… And I was feeling intimidated, wondering who had been hiding behind that facade…who was in narc training class with me…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u-TE-npXJjU
Personally, I hope most narcs see me as sick or insane…