I Wanna Be Adored

My mother used to call me her ray of sunshine. As I got older, I asked her if she called me this because I brightened up her life. She told me, “No, it is because you are brighter than anyone else.”  I cannot disagree with her. Years later, Becky (an ex girlfriend) told me that I thought I was the sun. I remembered what my mother had said but I had learned that Becky did like to compliment me so I stopped myself from saying my mother’s words and asked Becky if she described me as such because I lit up her life. She shook her head and replied,

“It is because everything has to revolve around you.”

I took issue with her comment. It is not the case that everything has to revolve around me, it just does. I think that is because of my innate magnetism. People enjoy being around me. I enjoy people being around me. I revel in their adoration. It is only right and proper that they recognise my brilliance and in so doing want to be near me, with me and praising me. I mean, who does not like to be praised? We all do don’t we? Nothing wrong in that. I think that because I get so much of it I find it addictive and I want more. I want people to admire and adore me. I know they should, but that doesn’t always mean they will. Of course, if they don’t I won’t waste my energy on them, there are much more deserving targets for my largesse. I heard someone say that you only get out what you put in. I agree ; I put people at the centre of my sights and they adore me in return. Perhaps if more people did this the world would be full of adoration and be a better place.

5 thoughts on “I Wanna Be Adored

  1. Cabo says:

    You seek adulation. Wouldn’t you rather feel and be loved and loving instead?

    1. malignnarc says:

      This references a point I made earlier to another question. I do feel love and I want to be loved. For some reason, academics and practitioners label my love as not amounting to love. I don’t accept this. What I choose to believe as love is clearly love to me. It might be framed differently for someone else and that is their prerogative. I find it arrogant of those suggesting my love is not love. How would they know? I may as well tell them that their love is not love. If we are to split hairs, I regard adulation of me and my achievements as part of being loved. It is important to me. it goes to my very core and that surely must be love?

      1. Alice says:

        I believe that “the dance” is driven by infatuation. The old Greeks would have probably labelled it as a toxic mix of eros, ludus, philautia and mania.


        So, I agree that there is no such thing as a single, universal notion of ‘love’. It’s about the art of balancing and integrating all of those different types of love and still respecting other people’s boundaries. That’s probably a conundrum for most of us…

      2. A Victor says:

        We have been discussing this, did you come to your love being infatuation as the blog progressed? Or as a result of the Good Doctors? Both? This is so interesting.

      3. Asp Emp says:

        HG, I read this comment of yours with interest. Why? Because you learned your own way of understanding what you perceived love to be.

        Then I read “For some reason, academics and practitioners label my love as not amounting to love“…..WOW (WTF)…… “How would they know?”- exactly. I mean, seriously?! One thing for sure, I damn well know that the love I feel is not the same as what muvver’s was. She was not kind when she ‘displayed’ it towards me, sister, our pets. She had no heart. She acted in a ‘matter-of-fact’ way, towards anything she did – albeit a bit slap-dash at times, probably because of the lower echelon narcissist that she was.

        “If we are to split hairs, I regard adulation of me and my achievements as part of being loved”…….in my view, that is not necessarily ‘incorrect’ because if adulation and praise gives someone a good feeling, it also can give the self-confidence and, sometimes, the self-esteem a ‘lift’ too. In my view and in my saying that, it is not grandiosity.

        I suppose it is grandiosity when it is expected, or demanded (like that f*cken higher up at work).

        Having said that, narcissists of my past would “return” the “love” when it suited them. So, they applied ‘conditions’ (this is abuse because it was ‘conditional’ and on their terms), I didn’t. Eventually, I ‘withdrew’ it, yet, not consciously aware of doing it but ‘responded’ via my instincts / emotions, because I was hurt. Why? My empathy was eroded to the point of my narcissistic streaks were easily ‘provoked’ (ie always at the ‘surface’ – my ‘abused self’ was ‘fighting’ for ‘survival’ against the abuse). So I actually learned over the years to become like that because of the external stressors.

        “It is important to me. it goes to my very core and that surely must be love?”……in having the awareness and understanding that I have gained by being here on KTN, I now believe that people have different ways of showing and knowing what ‘love’ is.

        Love should NOT be a ‘taught construct’. Alas, for some, it is. The wrong way. Looking back, my grandmother (and father) showed me in the ‘right’ way and I have her DNA and I am thankful for that.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Put to the Test

Next article

Absolute Power