Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
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My ex husband narcissist is a PhD from a top tier US university. With therapy I understand my mother had a personality disorder and the ex sent the same message that I would have to really work to gain approval and that my feeling love was never secure. Was one or both of your parents narcissistic? I see degrees of damage in my children, not sure how much is learned behavior or their DNA.
After my breakup narcissist didn’t post on social media for a year. Now they started posting their entire 2023 year filled with pictures of each trip / adventure. Why an entire year without posting after the break up and why now post everything all at once?
Open question, no judgement: Why are you watching?
A LITTLE cynicism is good. Healthy even. It causes us to pause and question what we have been offered in any given situation, and can help to protect us. No doubt many of us could do with a little more of flexing that muscle after what we’ve been through. We may well find after some consideration that we’ve been unnecessarily wary, or may stick with our initial feeling, but learning to examine what we might previously have blindly accepted due to our belief in the good in others is progress in my view.
Dear NarcAngel,
Happy 2024 lovely! Always wonderful to see your wise words of wisdom and common sense attitude.
I agree ! 😉
I was raider with ‘old’ music like Pink Floyd and running in the name ‘Depeche Mode’ here and your channel on YouTube I decided to do a session.
With what I learned from you I listened ‘Enjoy the Silence’
OMG. One listends with a different perspective I tell you.
Is this also what attracts them to you? It is describing the narcissistic perspective.
I’m sorry for the spelling errors… My phone is Dutch and has a will of its own.
gracias HG
uno- when with an IPPS, does Meatloaf’s “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” play in your head?
♪ “I want you (I want you), I need you (I need you) but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you.
Now don’t be sad (Don’t be sad, ’cause two) ’cause two out of three ain’t bad.” ♪
dos- Do you (ab)use music to convey messages to anyone, like sending them a song or playing one in the car w/them because it shows your real or at least current feelings?
Already explained previously.
“Empaths talk a lot, thus they are flapping their gums. It is an apt description and it amuses me to see you getting so bent out of shape about this description.”
An unfriendly reminder that HG is not our friend.
You do not need me to be a friend to give you what you need, you need me to be effective and I ensure that is what I am.
By being effective and giving much needed information and help you are arguably a much better friend than many so-called best friends.
There is force in your observation.
Anna, what is a friend for you?
How do you define a friend?
Instead of going into a sweeping discussion that would lead to far, I will give you a relevant example of how I would want a friend to behave.
Say you have a boyfriend. He was wonderful in the beginning. Now he habitually refuses your calls, accuses you of lying to him, of sleeping with other men and has threatened you repeatedly. You have no idea what is happening and why he has changed so much.
On the one hand, you have your best friend. You can confide in her, you tell each other pretty much everything. She has heard you complaining about your boyfriend many times before. She hugs you, makes lots of sympathetic noises, reminds you that men are strange creatures and then tells you to keep working on the relationship, be understanding, cut him some slack, have a drink, sleep on it, and it will all turn out alright in the end.
On the other, you have someone who asks you a few pointed questions, then proceeds to pour the verbal equivalent of a bucket of ice over your head, explains in no uncertain terms what you are dealing with, that you need to get out and stay out and in addition helps you achieve this.
The second one would get my vote for friend any day. He has not brushed your concerns aside, instead he has helped solve the problem, whereas the best friend has either not listened or not taken the problem – and in effect you – seriously and consequently encourages you to stay in an abusive relationship. The deciding factor is behaviour. The first one may have nothing but feelings of love and friendship towards you but offers nothing in the way of action. In the case of the second one, the opposite applies.
The best friend may have the best of intentions, but that does not count for much when intention does not translate into action, and not just because intention is easy to fake and hard to prove. I aim to judge people by their actions and be judged by mine in return. How much I succeed in this, is another matter.
Anna, Empaths are also very good at pouring a bucket of slop over someone’s head and setting them straight. And they have good intentions and want this person to cope as well as possible.
A good advisor is not a friend. He’s just a good advisor. If a Narcissist, he/she may also become a bad advisor at some point. Deliberately.
—–
I like to consult people around me. Also Narcissus. I’m interested in every perspective. I often ask, even when I have been sure, for a long time, what I will do. Sometimes I modify small elements.
Hello Joa,
of course empaths can give good advice as well, although from what I read here, there seems to be a danger that they can become too involved and therefore lose sight of the bigger picture and experience difficulties in neutrally evaluating the situation. You are absolutely right, a narcissist generally does not make a good friend. In the case I described it is not all that important what category the people belong to. The first friend in my example is not a good friend, not because she does not have the right advice, but because she does not take me seriously. I do not see where the good intention is in that. She does not see that sympathy is not going to help me, so her behaviour would either not change anything or, worst case, make my situation even more desperate. Going by what we hear from HG, this type of attitude unfortunately appears to be fairly common among so-called friends.
I want a friend only to give me advice when there is a reasonable prospect that he or she knows anything worth telling me. But I do not look to make a friend of somebody who is absolutely clueless, either, so I really do want friends who can be good advisors as well.
To want me to cope as well as possible is fine in normal situations, but it only works to a certain extent. If I am in an abusive relationship, coping is not the best strategy, getting out is the only solution.
Whether we heed the advice we get or not will ultimately always be our own responsibility. No friend can or should make those decisions for us.
That’s kinda true though!
Not being a friend is one thing, but I do think he sneaks in corrective devaluations.
Sure, that’s definitely what it is! He is most certainly trying to correct you if that makes it easier for you to cope.
Hi HG,
I could not find a post where I could ask my question about your book ‘Fuel’, I’ll post it here.
In ‘The Loss of the Prison’ You describe how the prison was built, rudimentary, and that it didn’t hold the creature as you would like. You describe ‘you frantically sought fuel to restore your power’ and what you describe thereafter sounds like the behaviour of a lesser.
I learned from you that Narcissists don’t shift schools. I do understand you had a learning curve too.
It is logical that there is a learningcurve, therefore I wonder, isn’t the school determined by ‘the end’ of this learning curve?
I understand that Schools are partly determined by intelligence but even more by behaviour. Behaviour is nature but also nurture.
How does one end up in a particular school?
Can I read somewhere about this curve of the Ultra?
Thank you!
What’s become of your “treatment team”, btw?
HG,
I am thinking about the behavior of a friend I had from age seven to about age thirteen and wondering if she may have been a narcissist. Is it possible to definitively say that a child of that age is a narcissist? Is it possible for “the cake to be baked” (as you like to say) that early?
No, that determination can only be made on attaining adulthood. Of course, there are many things which would suggest the child is one but one must wait. The cake can be baked early but again one cannot make that final determination until later.
HG,
1- Do you get some fuel from the sound of a voice?
If yes, is it about the emotions you would perceive from it?
2- Can you say only from a voice recording, if the person is displaying false emotions?
3- Are you more sensitive/appreciative of certain accents?
If yes, which ones (regional and worldwide)?
4- Music doesn’t bring you any fuel, but what about a singing voice, for instance from an opera singer?
5- Did you experience a close relationship with a horse? A dog? A cat?
6- You once wrote one of your girlfriend would say seeing the world in your eyes. Does that mean as a reflection each of your girlfriend is a world to conquest?
Do you have in mind David Guetta’s hit “The world is mine” once victorious?
Do you believe it possible to become Depeche Mode’s Cosmos “no war, no fear, no pain”?
Thanking you in advance.
1. Yes. Read “Fuel”.
2. Fuel can be obtained from a recording.
3. There are certain accents which grate.
4. If she was singing about me or because of me, that would provide fuel.
5. Absolutely not.
6. They are a world to conquer.
No.
No – your cosmos is mine you see.
Thank you HG for your reply and correction(s).
Did you ever kill an animal out of compassion? As a horse who would be terminally ill or suffering from the consequences of his old age.
I did not do so out of compassion, I did so out of logic.
Thank you for your honest reply. It helps understanding the range of your “cold empathy”.
Thanks for having helped this animal no matter what has motivated you doing it.
They can read us better than most of humans can do about them.
This animal understood and surely appreciated your reassuring presence and help.
Hello HG,
1 – Do you ever get fuel from any kind of media? Specifically:
– Virtual reality
– Video games
– Film / television
– Music
2 – If yes:
– What types of media?
– What is the potency and quantity?
Read “Fuel” and it will give you the answer.
Will do, thank you
HG,
1. Do upper mid rangers take your EDC, or is it just middle mid-range and below?
2. Would you get married again? You did once, despite being a “nomad”.
3. Do you want your intimate partners to look like you (tall slim fair-colored)?
4. When you visit people w/cats, do cats gravitate to you or stay away?
5. Is any British/UK royal narcissistic BUT not a narcissist? If so, who?
6. Do you ignore pleading from genuine empaths in your inbox, or just narcs?
7. Do you like Siouxsie Sioux music? If so, do you like her song “Love Crime”?
8. If you’re Hannibal Lecter, are you forever looking for a worthy Clarice Starling?
9. (if you’ve seen the NBC Hannibal tv show) Is Alastor your Bedelia du Maurier?
10. If lesser is the left cheek and mid range is the right, is low mid range the *sshole?
11. Would you give Jennifer Lawrence your spicy poontang?
12. Same as 11 but for Hayley Atwell.
1. Differing types take it but they are a small minority.
2. If I deemed it appropriate, yes. Why, are you seeking marriage with me?
3. Not necessarily.
4. There is only one person that I visit that has a cat and it is usually absent when I am around as it is a farm cat.
5. Yes.
6. I am a very busy man and therefore I am not in a position to address all of the comments, observations, queries and correspondence that is sent to me, containing pleading or otherwise.
7. No.
8. I am not him.
9. I have not watched it.
10.
11. I do not have spicy poontang, but yes I would fuck her.
12. Hayley Atwell would get it over and above Jennifer Lawrence.
In relation to question two HG, 2024 is a leap year, if I proposed, would you consider my proposal?
Sending you love ❤️❤️❤️
It would receive consideration.
If only I believed that reply not to be future faking 😟
For the record HG, I would take you to the most exotic place, or one of your favourite places (Rome) and on bended knees, I would propose to you with all the love and devotion I have for you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for your precious words, all my love ❤️❤️❤️
HG, may I correct myself… I would fly into space with you and gaze upon the stars while I propose to you ❤️❤️❤️
HG, your response is unacceptable and you know it!
Explain how it is unacceptable.
If such a proposal was sent to me, I would consider it, that is accurate. I may consider it for one second, I may consider it for a minute, but it would receive consideration.
I agree with Sony.
Of course, when it comes to the logic of the phrase used, HG is right.
But Carole is far from logical – in the sense of HG teaching. She perceived these words as hope, distinction, reward, and maybe even almost a promise.
Of course, HG is not Carole’s father to care about her, and Carole is no longer a child to fall for such words. It’s up to her, what she does with his words.
And yet… we are not Narcissus. It’s hard to watch a girl “drowning” in the illusion of a shared, peaceful life, full of love, devotion and mornings together.
A very easy target. Very easy to get hurt.
—–
Carole, I too have a tendency to create illusions. There were times in my life, when it was the only stable thing I could hold on to. Yes, the illusion was the point of support, the value of constanse.
But it won’t work. Hard reality will always break through… and long-term dissonance can kill.
You write that we don’t understand you. You’re wrong. I understand perfectly. N2 bombarded me with such texts – I could never outright accuse him of lying.
I can only advise you to start functioning on a shuttle basis. Hold on to the illusion in moments of despair, storm, crisis. Leave it as soon as you feel better. Over time, a person learns to move further and further away from the illusion and not to return to it for longer and longer periods of time.
—–
I haven’t left mine yet. It lies forgotten in the corner, like a rolled up tripe. But it can still be inflated. Like a huge empty balloon.
—–
Carole, you’re a Codependent, aren’t you? Welcome to the club.
HG, how many women have proposed to you?
A few, a dozen, or maybe several dozen?
—–
N2 always mocked such women, although at the same time he boasted about it (I’m so great!). He accepted the proposal of marriage from one of them. Their marriage lasted 3-4 years. He threw her out of the house repeatedly like a bag of garbage.
I also know, that he had a restraining order against her – although, lured by him with sex, she broke her own restraining order (this mistake ridiculed her and significantly weakened her arguments in court – which he talked me about with triumph – he asked her in court why, since he was allegedly abusing her, she came to his apartment for sex. She replied: “Out of hatred!”).
I understand her so much. This is the moment, when you lie to yourself, because you want to believe for a moment and burn away all the evil in sex. It’s that sex, when you love and hate him alternately, or maybe rather – simultaneously.
She was a gentle, caring woman, with great patience. This is the image of her, that emerged me from his words. I can read between his lines.
I forgot, what a bastard he is. It’s good to remind yourself of this sometimes.
I criticize my mother for erasing facts like a sponge erases chalk from a blackboard, but I do exactly the same thing.
That’s why it’s worth coming here – to remember.
—–
A short goodnight prayer:
God forbid that I should never fall into his trap, even in times of weakness, illness or old age.
Spare lifebuoy.
Just curious, why would you want to marry a narcissist? Especially a self aware Ultra Hybrid?
Sonya, I have spoken with HG on many occasions, he has advised and supported me through a difficult time in my life and I have such love and admiration for him because of that.
A great number of people love his chocolatey velvet voice, as do I, but I also find him attractive because of his intelligence, strength, courage, humour and charisma to name but a few of his qualities.
I work with abused and traumatised children and during our initial training, I heard something that has remained with me throughout, ‘a child’s disruptive behaviour is their coping mechanism’, HG did not ask to become a narcissistic psychopath, the narcissism developed during his childhood, which he had no control over, his behaviour now is as a result of his narcissism and psychopathy, and therefore I feel that he should not be judged unfairly. I understand that there will be those who have suffered at the hands of a narcissist who will disagree with me, and I accept that, I too have been in a narcissistic relationship, however, I cannot judge HG for anything that he has done, he is doing or what he intends to do in the future because (apologies, HG ❤️), he is controlled by his narcissism and psychopathy.
Through HG’s work I understand the behaviours of a narcissist and psychopath, and while I understand (depending on the school of narcissist that you are dealing with) that a narcissistic relationship is one to be avoided, I would be happy to be controlled by HG, to provide him with fuel, tend to his every need.
A relationship is based on a desire to make each other happy, HG already provides me with love, peace and happiness and I am more than happy to provide for him, whatever that may be.
I am not delusional, I do not believe that it would be without its difficult times for me but I would absolutely marry HG.
I hope that it explains a little for you 🤍
Carole–
I think your response is beautifully written. Do you think you would have a sort of peace with in a marriage with HG owing to knowing what he is from the start?
Hope all is going well for you!
Dani,
My apologies, for some reason it would not allow me to reply to your comment, I hope this reaches you 🤍
Thank you for your kind words.
I do believe that knowing HG is a narcissistic psychopath would allow me to accept those behaviours more easily, understanding something is the key to most things, HG has repeatedly said that narcissism is a hermetically sealed self defence, as a narcissist he cannot control those behaviours, just like someone with dementia who is abusive cannot control their behaviours but they are forgiven, why is it different for narcissist ?
I appreciate that not everyone would agree but this is my opinion.
HG brings love, peace and happiness to my life on a daily basis, it would only enrich that love, peace and happiness to be married to him, waking up with him each morning, going to bed with him every night, being able to show my love, respect and devotion to him freely, being able to care, support and protect him (not that he requires it) would be amazing.
Thank you for your comments Dani, you ask some thoroughly interesting questions and I enjoy reading the replies from HG.
At his signal I’d like to drop whatever I was doing, cross an entire ocean, shine his boots, then immediately fly back home.
Carole, dear, you gave me a sleepless night with your another confession.
You wrote „A relationship is based on a desire to make each other happy, HG already provides me with love“ ― Did your logic assemble that view or feelings?
Whilst I take Mr. Tudor’s reply seriously, that your marriage proposal will receive consideration, I find that you tackle the boxes of a Long Distant Empath more likely (see the article with the same name).
Carole, you come across as quite fragile and may break beyond repair whilst going through the IPPS mill, with any kind of narcissist. So let’s imagine even if you might be promoted to a more intimate position in Mr. Tudor’s fuel-matrix, since you wish for the sexual coupling to occur so much – in an alternative reality, where the 5 Rules don’t apply – you may want to aim for a DLS or IPSS. This type of appliances receive the least destructive abuse and heartbreak, to put it mildly.
In fact as a NIPSS (your position at the moment) you are better off than you might want to accept. It is the position where you are only exposed to the minimal necessity of control over you in order for Mr. Tudor to get to the aspects of his Prime Aims. And you are free to love and support him as much as you wish without any truly harmful consequences (I hope).
I observe a certain „split“ in all of the Tudorites who are within a particular schools and cadres. On the one hand being aware of what is going on and on the other dismissing this awareness, since they are so enlightened throughout the process of education on narcissism and psychopathy from a narcissistic psychopath, directly. It is not an easy class and university to go through. Our Professor is the venom in that regard – which can heal, which can kill. What it will be for you (me, others) – is up to your attunes to either survival instincts, the sixth sense or indeed logic which may lead you to clarity about what love is and isn’t! On both ends of this “relationship”.
I must question the presence of logic and suggest that it may be an emotional overdose, even when we think we reached the tip of the iceberg and plunged our logic-flag in it only to produce a snowslide of emotions to slide us down.
But it’s a process we all must go through and can’t escape. I wish for you to succeed in it! It is your innate right to live happiness and love and peace of mind, body and heart, after what you’ve been through. And it’s good to read that HG’s assistance helped you reaching this state, along with many other of his clients🙏🌟💕
*Sorry. Distance (LDE) not Distant
Hi Carole,
I saw your response. Thank you for it.
1. How do you feel that HG brings love into your life?
“I do believe that knowing HG is a narcissistic psychopath would allow me to accept those behaviours more easily, understanding something is the key to most things…” This has given me a lot to think about…something I hadn’t realized I needed to consider. Thank you, Carole.
Carole said: “…being able to show my love, respect and devotion to him freely, being able to care, support and protect him (not that he requires it) would be amazing…”
2. Do you feel you do not do show these feelings toward HG now? It seems to me much of what you’ve said indicates in that you’re checking those boxes. I understand it would be different in person.
You said that: “I cannot judge HG for anything that he has done, he is doing or what he intends to do in the future…”
3. Do you judge the narcissist who abused you? Or did you as you were escaping from him and/or them?
4. What emotions did you feel once you realized what you were dealing with? Were you ever angry about it?
5. Do you attribute the peace that you have now more to HG and his work or more to aspects of yourself?
Dear Sonya,
My sentiments exactly! To be controlled, Seriously ?
🤦♀️
Carol, what I think strikes me most about what you wrote – apart from your dream “and they lived happily ever after” – is the huge contradiction.
You claim to understand the behavior of a narcissistic psychopath, and at the same time you write about making each other happy, about love, about peace, about waking up next to him every morning and going to bed with him every night.
Do you really think that’s what it would look like?
I know, what it means to love Fantasia and to cling to it to stand tall, but one must not forget that it is only fiction.
—–
HG, how many women have proposed to you? Will it be a few, a dozen… or maybe a few dozen?
Less than a dozen.
Carole, you do in fact sound delusional
You sound like you’re still in the, “well every couple argues” stage..
In denial…
There was one that did try to cater to HG’s every need and look what happened to her…. 💀 ⚰️
Sonya,
I am curious as to why you think HG’s comment is unacceptable ?
It is human nature to read /see something and to envisage what you have just read or seen, not for your mind to be completely blank, that is why most people do not like to hear about violence and abuse, especially child abuse, thoughts enter their mind about what was said.
I have had many conversations with HG, he knows exactly how I feel about him. However, I know that he is a narcissistic psychopath and I also know because he repeatedly says it, that he likes to play games with people, so when I ask these questions I expect to get the answers that I do.
Would I like to marry HG, yes, I would.
Do I think that it would happen, no, I don’t.
Apart from the fact that HG currently has an IPPS, I am not good enough for HG.
Before anyone rambles on about self esteem etc. HG’s intelligence blows my mind, I am not educated enough for him, so while some of you think that I am delusional, I’m really not.
Sonya thanks for asking this question.
Carole it sounds like you are a co-dependant. Please correct me if I am wrong. You want to give.
Possibly you developed the fawn response?
There is Fight
Flight
Freeze and Fawn.
It is worth looking up and reading about.
Please take care of yourself. You are worth more. You deserve REAL love.
HG cannot provide this.
There is help out there for those who are co-dependant, especially those who have the fawn response.
Look after yourself. You are important!
Less than a dozen, it could be 1-11. Considering the number of women you interact with on the blog, consultations, YouTube, all kinds of social media, in real life, it’s not a big number.
Thank you for your answer, although the number is not that important. I asked this question, when writing to Carole, to her look beyond her compartment too – as you so precisely put it, HG.
Keep in mind many women expect the man to do the asking. Plenty have dropped hints about wanting marriage, i.e. I would be pushing on an open door, but they did not expressly propose.
Of course, HG.
I understand that perfectly. In my code of conduct, such a proposal from a woman is unacceptable and insulting to a woman.
Even if I wanted it like crazy, I wouldn’t say a word or make a hint. The more I loved, the more I would want such a proposal to come 100% from a man.
Not a hint of coercion. Not a hint of suggestion. Not a hint of pressure.
His well-thought-out, conscious and confident decision. Only such a marriage proposal can be seriously appreciated. And only such a marriage proposal can be truly believed.
Marriage is a deadly serious matter. For me.
Probably too serious for me to ever take the risk. Seeing how people take it lightly.
Everything or nothing. No half measures.
—–
However, I could joke and even propose marriage if it didn’t matter to me and if it was obvious that both parties would understand it as a joke.
Hi HG,
I’m surpriced by your awnser to question nr. 4 about cats. Correct me if I’m wrong but if I remember correctly you have had 28-29 IPPS’s and all where empaths. Didn’t any of them have cat(s)?
I have also wanted to ask you for some time now, did any of your former IPPSs have children?
Thank you.
Not when I was around they did not.
Yes, strange things.
You just said the children are strange things?
I found one of the strangest things that my ex was lovely and patient with my kids (And his ex wife told me he was the same with hers in the past)
He was helpful, playful, my children liked to sit with him, on his lap or just cozy on the couch….
When camping or hiking climbing too, I just could tell he really liked children. So much patience with them.
I have never left him alone with them though, but that was more something I decided than it was something from his behavior.
How were you with the children of the IPPSes HG?
Really curious now 🙂
And, also, was the niceness from my ex-narc towards my children part of his facade?
I just can’t match it in my head.
You shall have to wait and find out when I write/talk about it.
Thanks for your answer and looking forward to hear more about how you deal with children.
This is for Brenda, but no reply option under her comment. Brenda, my ex was great with the kids when anyone was around to see, including me at first. It wasn’t until after he left that I learned that he’d been quite neglectful of them when no one was watching. He was largely neglectful of me and even more so of them. I am thankful for this at this point.
Hi @A Victor,
Thank you for the reply.
Was your ex the father of the children?
My ex was not. He has 2 children, the eldest is an adult and I learned from his mother that he was indeed neglectful. He has a minor and this is I guess a golden child. He hasn’t so many people left in his life, so clings on to him I guess, but not sure.
With my children I’m not sure. I heard nothing strange about him after the break up, only that they will miss him 🙁
The MF hurt me, but also 3 children. I’m getting angry about that again 🙂
Hi Brenda, my second ex is the father of three of my children, first ex the father of the oldest. They were both neglectful but the second is the one I was referring to in my earlier comment. He was neglectful of all of them. He bordered on abuse on rare occasion but that was not what others ever saw, though I did, especially to my oldest.
I am sorry to hear what your ex did to you and your children. They are MFs with no care about anyone but themselves.
Hi A Victor,
So I understand you have to deal with 2 ex narcs and have children with both of them. Oh my. That must be hard for you.
I was reading your post, and then I remembered an incident. My daughter almost stepped on an item of his and he reacted over the top. She said sorry a few times and he kept going. I heard and my son too. When I said that it was too harsh he downplayed it. But my son heard and confirmed me.
My daughter was a bit shy of him and angry that he exploded like that. Weeks later he did an actual apology, to repair and she took it and everything was ok again. This was pure facade management.
They miss him, and I understand. He was great with them, playing soccer and doing outdoorsy things like hiking and climbing and THAT is what I miss too about him. Even though I know it was just facade, it was fun. But haw he was when I didn’t look, no idea actually.
Hop you are doing well <3
Thank you Brenda, I am doing really well. My children are all adults, my second ex left 14 years ago, haven’t seen him since. The first is in minimal contact with our daughter but she doesn’t feel any need to take him on in any way. He’s in very bad health and her grandma has been encouraging her to but she has not done so. So at this point, I only have one narcissist actually in my life, my mother, and I am in ANC with her.
My second ex never apologized. He was fantastic with the kids in front of other people, like I said before, but like yours with the apology, facade management.
I don’t miss either of mine, by the time they were out of the picture, things had become bad enough to make it so. Would you consider taking yours back if he came around?
Hey Dani, again my apologies as it will not allow me to respond to your comment.
1. How do I feel that HG brings love into my life.
I feel immense peace, contentment and happiness.
2. I do feel that I show HG love, respect and devotion, however as you quite rightly said, it would be completely different in person.
3. I did judge the behaviours that I was experiencing from my ex narc before HG confirmed that he was a narcissist, however once it had been confirmed to me what he was, I no longer judged him, I do not hate anyone, that is an emotion that will eat you up and destroy you while the person you vent your anger towards is probably oblivious to it.
4. I have escaped from that relationship and have no desire to return to it but I do feel a certain compassion towards him. I never felt anger more confusion and frustration.
5. I do attribute my peace now to HG and his work.
I have learned a great deal about narcissism, their behaviours and responses to certain situations.
I have also taken the empath detector and understand myself better also.
I initially consulted with HG to find a way to live happily with my ex narc, he was not physically abusive towards me, and I was prepared to try, however he was a middle mid ranger and unaware of what he was, HG made me understand that it would be impossible to continue in that relationship without causing hurt to myself.
I wish him well, his behaviour towards me was his narcissism which he could not control.
As I have said on many occasions, I understand that not everyone would agree with me, but HG makes me happy and I would love to be in his life because I feel blessed to have him in mine.
Thank you, Dani, for taking the time to understand my feelings, I appreciate that you have not judged me. 🤍
Hi, Carole–
There is nothing to judge. You are allowed to feel how you feel for whomever you feel. I’m not a judgy person, however, I am curious. Your words have given me much to think about…and I’m grateful to you for sparking my mind this way. I ask personal questions. Please don’t feel obligated to answer if you are uncomfortable in any way.
Carole: “I feel immense peace, contentment and happiness.”
1. How do you feel when HG is absent from YouTube/the Blog for several days? Do you retain those feelings at the same strength? Do you have other feelings in those times? Do you achieve a fraction of those feelings or those feelings in whole through re-listening to older material?
Carole: “I do feel that I show HG love, respect and devotion, however as you quite rightly said, it would be completely different in person.”
2. If you were HG’s IPPS and you found yourself in devaluation…would you feel you failed him? Would you work that much harder to return to the golden period?
You said earlier in the conversation that you felt you would have peace, even in the difficult times with HG. You understand that he’s a narcissistic psychopath. You know that if you reach devaluation what happens, what is needed, for him. He’s said that it’s what he needs.
3. Do you think there would be difficulty maintaining that sense of peace, knowing that what HG needed from you, if you were his IPPS, was negative fuel and to play games, and your actions, remaining calm would be denying him what he needed? What do you anticipate would be your feelings in that situation?
Carole: “…HG confirmed that he was a narcissist, however once it had been confirmed to me what he was, I no longer judged him, I do not hate anyone, that is an emotion that will eat you up and destroy you…”
4. I agree that hate destroys, and I interpreted “I never felt anger…” as meaning that you were not angry with your ex-husband. What do you feel for yourself regarding the situation you went through? Has that changed from your initial escape to now?
Carole: “I never felt anger more confusion and frustration.”
5. Do you only become angry in extreme situations?
Carole: “I do attribute my peace now to HG and his work.
I have learned a great deal about narcissism, their behaviours and responses to certain situations.”
I’m glad to hear it, and I’m grateful that HG created this blog and the YouTube channel. I found him on YouTube, and I never suspected how much I needed his content until I listened. I wish I could find the first video I listened to…I wonder if I would feel differently now, almost two years later than I did then.
6. Do you remember the first article you read/video you listened to?
7. Do you have a favourite type of video/article or favourite video/article overall?
Carole: “I have also taken the empath detector and understand myself better also.”
8. If you don’t mind and you have permission from HG, do you mind sharing the results?
9. Did you take the empath detector quite quickly?
10. Have you taken the TD or Weaponized Empath test?
Carole: “HG made me understand that it would be impossible to continue in that relationship without causing hurt to myself.”
11. Did it take him many consultations?
12. What did you feel between the time of scheduling your first consultation up to the moment that you had his attention focussed on listening to you and your situation?
13. Did you find it easy to speak to him from the first?
14. Did you begin asking your questions quickly or were you slower to want to interact with HG, even at a distance, knowing that he’s a narcissistic psychopath?
15. Could you tell a difference immediately between HG and other narcissists you’ve had in your life?
Carole: “I feel blessed to have him in mine.”
I think that most people here would agree with that, whether they want to be in closer physical proximity or not. To each their own.
Carole: “Thank you, Dani, for taking the time to understand my feelings, I appreciate that you have not judged me.”
You’re welcome, Carole. I am enjoying our conversation very much.
This level of questioning for another commenter is inappropriate and is not to be answered.
Sorry, Mr. Tudor. I apologize. I will do better.
There is no need to apologise, you ask a lot of questions, that is your approach, but it is excessive to ask them of another commenter and is not the purpose of this place.
I apologize for asking the set of 15 questions below, Carole.
@Dani
I don’t think the issue is that you’re asking a lot of questions but the nature of the questions is encouraging someone else’s addiction to narcissists.
A lot us here have made flirtatious comments to HG, I’m not innocent and I think HG has made comments albeit very rarely that aren’t totally innocent either, there are temptations on both sides. However if someone is struggling with narc addiction it shouldn’t be encouraged because it’s dangerous for us, it’s makes us susceptible to the seduction of other narcissists.
Your types of questions are likely to raise the emotional thinking in the other person
I think it’s total natural that we would cling to HG. We turned to him when we were in probably the lowest, most vaunerable place in our life. He not only helped us free ourselves from narcissistic slavery, he gave us insight to ourselves. For those of us who have suffered childhood trauma he has a powerful pull. It is normal that you would feel gratitude.
Dear Carole:
Fantasy is often better than reality…
Hi Carol,
I want to let you know I have been attempting to reply to the questions you have asked me in many comments and there is no reply option.
I’m hoping I can figure this out. I am very interested in what you write and hope to continue conversing with you and others.
Thank you, I do appreciate you answering.
Re 2, after what happened to my mom, no. I trust Carole to keep you under control!
Re 9, I recommend that Hannibal show if you want to watch something… different.
Re 10, lol at you typing the number and leaving it blank. You didn’t say no!
Re 11, do only women have/give spicy poontang, as you say of Markle? Would I be giving you my vanilla spice poontang if I’m white, or does spicy mean interesting? Did you find Markle’s spicy poontang as spicy as a beige bowl of oatmeal?
@Candied
“ do only women have/give spicy poontang”
Poontang is vagina
HG gives spicy cocky
@WItch,
Thank you! That clarification helps. Hahahaha “spicy cocky”
Dear Dani,
No need to apologise, it makes a refreshing change for someone to take an interest in how I feel and why I feel this way.
Most, certainly on here and HG’s YouTube channel judge me according to their own standards, but they do not walk in my shoes, live inside my head and they have not experienced what I have been through, in fact they do not know me at all.
It always makes me wonder why some feel that they can judge someone based on a small amount of information, without knowing the whole story.
I work with children and one child doesn’t like their hair or back being touched, to look at that child they look, dare I say it, ‘normal’ in appearance, but nobody can see what lies beneath the surface of that child… there was sexual abuse where they had their hair pulled and were held down by their back, my point is don’t judge someone who you do not know. I always feel that it says more about the person judging than me.
I obviously did not answer your questions as HG had requested not to, but I do thank you for your chat, I too found it interesting and enjoyed it. 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you HG ❤️❤️❤️
This is a gracious and transparent reply Carole, nice to read. I am glad HG has been able to help you. He has helped me also and I understand the draw to him, even though for me, I came through it and got to the other side, so to speak, for myself. He helped with that by being brutally honest at times about who he is, what life with him becomes and what he’s capable of. I am grateful to him for that.
You are correct that there should be no judgement, we don’t know each other. I felt others were trying to help me when they were straightforward about what they were seeing.
Even if in my mind I felt they did not understand, I still mostly believed they had good intentions. Some do not, it is true, and I avoid them.
Anyway, your reply to Dani was kind and honest, it is nice to feel seen and heard, and I enjoyed reading it, so thank you.
Thank you, Carole. I look forward to more chats in the future.
Carole,
First of all thank you for answering Dani’s questions! Your replies indeed help to understand! Secondly, you are not judged for your feelings and emotions of any kind, positive or negative. You are far more understood by most Tudorites as far as I observed.
And it is because Mr. Tudor’s work causes us to understand and act differently – it’s absolutely healthy and normal to feel immense gratitude and be amazed by all his qualities and his unprecedented nature and it’s not about talking you out of all these positive feelings you have for him. It is about bringing those positive feelings into the right perspective, if you will. Allowing them to exist and function but not allowing them to mislead you to remain in the “victim’s world”. It is about centering yourself within your compassionate and loving nature and not remaining just on one side where ’love is weak’.
***
“I am not good enough for HG. HG’s intelligence blows my mind, I am not educated enough for him, so while some of you think that I am delusional, I’m really not.”
Sober up, cadet! Mr. Tudor had the most different IPPSs and it was about their empathic qualities, empathic intelligence if you will and not about their IQ diploma.
You are misled to think that you are not good enough. You possess all the qualities and more which makes you a perfect candidate for any narcissist OR empath or normal.
You placed the reason for not becoming Mr. Tudor’s choice on the wrong pan balance, once again. Still doing it from the perspective of a victim who doesn’t deserve the ’good things in life’.
***
„4. I have escaped from that relationship and have no desire to return to it but I do feel a certain compassion towards him“
Totally agree with you! Compassion is the best state to be in and it comes from understanding. It also produces the strength of not enabling destructive behavior, ever again. Compassion is also to say: I understand what causes your behavior but it doesn’t mean that I welcome or ask for this behavior to be meted out against me.
(That is why to wish for an intimate relationship (IPPS position) with an individual who explains in all its details that he turns into an abuser when it comes to his intimate relationships – is not a compassionate thing to do. It has more to do with the conditioning where protective mechanisms of a potential or obvious threat – are absent or deactivated.)
***
„I do not hate anyone, that is an emotion that will eat you up and destroy you while the person you vent your anger towards is probably oblivious to it.“
I’d like to share with you what I understood about these two important stages (anger and hate) and the difference between them.
1. At the beginning of their development, children don’t experience hate but they most likely will experience anger at some point. For good reasons. Anger helps them to develop a sense of what is good for them and what isn’t. And it is when the child becomes indoctrinated by the caregiver that a good girl/ a good boy is not supposed to feel anger (regardless of the cause of anger), and is even punished for her/ his expression of anger – it can lead to the loss of understanding of what is good for you and what isn’t, later on in relationships, finding excuses for the abusive behavior, through the absence of anger, the abusive behavior rightfully would cause.
2. Hate is the result of accumulated anger towards the state of helplessness – when the child was treated as if it had no say in what occurred or was meted out against the child’s will and/or safety. The child was conditioned to lose: a) the safety and trust in the outer world, b) the trust in her/his own feelings and emotions of either negative or positive nature. This (now) missing component then also can result in self-hate, visible or hidden.
The negative emotion of anger has an original purpose of protection. Labeling negative emotions as bad or wrong or avoiding to look at them in a neutral way, may indeed lead to a condition which will „eat you up“ and put you into a state such as hate, emotional pain, fear.
Some individuals may not feel anger or negative emotions, this might well be the case. And it is not a ‘must have’ in order to develop a balanced compassionate approach which will still allow you to experience all the wonderful feelings towards your favorite person, but not to an extent of overlooking what this person is telling you about his intimate relationships and how they function in all the different stages. Indeed placing warning signs before you which are saying „do not enter, for your own safety”.
I touched upon a lot. Bear with me please🐨❤️ You just happen to spark the analyses of these very important topics. Which is a very good thing😘
AV–
Thank you for what you wrote here: https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-15/#comment-452494. It was lovely, full of warmth, kindness, and understanding.
Jordyguin, your response to Carole was wonderful.
I agree with everything 100% + 100% + 100% – for every segment of your statement.
—–
Yes, being able to express anger is very important for young children.
—–
I would just add, that you have to be very careful with compassion. For me, this is the weakest element – which constantly turns against me in many life situations.
It’s as if my priority was reversed – first I sympathize and “support” the Narcissists, then the victims, and I often have no time or strength for myself.
@ Dani,
Thank you. My reply to Carole was also quite honest. HG may or may not remember the time I straight up told him I had a crush on him, to which he was very gracious but also very honest. And in my empath heart, it meant absolute and undying love for him. I still love him but in a different way, from a place of gratitude now, nothing more. Part of my gratitude comes because of his honesty with me about who he is etc. It was the only way I could fully get my mind around what narcs in my life are capable of and, for me, that was very important to understand. So I really do understand about these feelings, he is our hero, our savior, it is not wrong or abnormal to feel these things toward him, not all will but I think many do, at least for some period of time.
Those are understandable feelings honestly stated.
I’m pleased to read that it resonated with you, Joa🥰
Anger… (for us) all emotions/ feelings are very important, and even self-pity (should it arise, ideally put on a timer for max 5-10 minutes, not longer, really, since it’s an extremely draining emotion) and after that, one must reach into the emotion-bag and pull out the emotion of reassurance which will balance out self doubt⚖️
You’re accurate about compassion!!…Compassion at the very beginning can be simple and selective; for instance the empath concerned, often relate to „it wasn’t his choice to be abused and become a narcissist“, but nor did his abuser (Matrinarc) wished to be abused, nor the empathic victims who were abused as the result of this whole development… All individuals must be included, looked at and understood.
Compassion can also be infected with guilt and shame, sown in childhood and continuing to control the reason of the adult. But for instance; compassion in combination with dignity – has the ability to set boundaries where they are needed… Every child is born with dignity, which is then chipped away by circumstances, unintentionally (if we examine the cycles of “how we got here”). The mind must understand first in order for compassion to mature. It is a very delicate state to adjust to. And it naturally takes time.
Hello AV–
AV: “HG may or may not remember the time I straight up told him I had a crush on him, to which he was very gracious but also very honest.”– I know you were being honest. I could feel it. And HG is so good to his followers. I think it is very easy for people to love HG, as HG. It’s the knowledge he provides, the honesty, the zero nonsense. I’ve also heard in the 100K interviews how gentle and understanding HG can sound when he is providing his services. It’s what those individuals needed. It was unfathomable to me to hear those emotions so clearly, after hundreds of previous hours listening to him explain that he is a narcissistic psychopath and all that that entails.
AV: “And in my empath heart, it meant absolute and undying love for him. I still love him but in a different way, from a place of gratitude now, nothing more. Part of my gratitude comes because of his honesty with me about who he is etc.” —
If you’re comfortable:
1. Do you remember what happened that caused the shift between undying love and love based on gratitude? Do you think the change was more an internal shift in your emotions or more a shift in your intellectual/logical understanding of narcissism?
2. Is there anything that stands out in particular about the process of the transition? Do you remember any sort of epiphany moment?
AV: “It was the only way I could fully get my mind around what narcs in my life are capable of and, for me, that was very important to understand. So I really do understand about these feelings, he is our hero, our savior, it is not wrong or abnormal to feel these things toward him, not all will but I think many do, at least for some period of time.” — I agree with what you’ve said; I also think that everyone has their own background and experiences that influence the ways each individual is able and chooses to deal with their feelings for HG. I think there is much to be learned from listening to what people are willing to share about that.
@Dani,
HG is excellent at cognitive empathy, that is why it was so difficult for me to separate reality from fantasy.
Also, I had a very skewed understanding of love from my upbringing. I believed that love, if it was true, would involve pain on some level. That pain was how I could feel it. Through my time here, as a result of HG’s teaching and my desire to understand, I have come to know that true love does not involve pain in the way I thought, between partners in a fairly consistent, regular manner. That I would not, in a truly loving relationship, be asked to sacrifice time and again, often without thanks, recognition or reciprocation. That someone who loves me would not ask for or expect constant sacrifice from me but would instead want to sacrifice for me also. And that sacrifice means thoughtfulness and giving, not accepting abuse.
The change for me came as a result of learning and understanding what narcissism is and that HG, as empathic as he can sound, means nothing of it, he, like my parents, my ex, others I know, had no genuine care or concern for me at all. He is literally doing all that he does “for” us actually for himself, which he is very transparent about. It is all for his legacy, to meet prime aims etc.
I realized that coming to this understanding in no way negates the good he has done for me but that I in no way wish to have him actually in my life, in a known, real way. Consults, YT, this blog are enough for me now. I came to realize I never want any narcissist in my life again.
I think one epiphany that stands out was hearing HG’s definition of love. Another was one time when he pretended to “lose it” at me, it was terrifying and too real for me to want to have happen for real. I could feel the fury just before the surface and I wanted nothing to do with that. And also a large part for me was understanding what I learned from the Dark Cupid series. That showed me how skewed my understanding of love was and he helped me understand how to change that. These are a few of the bigger things but for about three years I was all in on this learning and really wanted to get to the bottom of what had happened to me. I am here still, though have started doing other things again now also, because I forget things so easily, my addiction is still there and I need the refreshers. Also because I enjoy readingmany of the bloggers and of course HG.
I agree that each of us will have our own response to HG, no doubt about that. Thank you for the conversation Dani.
@Carole, Owned by HG
“It always makes me wonder why some feel that they can judge someone based on a small amount of information, without knowing the whole story.”
Ha! That’s rich.
“my point is don’t judge someone who you do not know. I always feel that it says more about the person judging than me.”
Like for instance publicly shaming and slandering someone as rude who has been a loyal and respectful reader for 6 years?
Make it make sense.
No shit Sherlock. At the end of the day this space is called Knowing The Narcissist, not – Marry The Narcissist. Unless we all agree that showing loyalty and support is shown by marriage proposals without any real intention behind it — there would be no need for any exchange whatsoever.
Make it make sense. — Agree.
Thank you, A Victor. Your answers have given me a lot to think about. I appreciate that.
AV
Re: your comment on Feb 14 @ 18:33
Good to read of your progress AV.
Thank you NA, I appreciate that, a lot.
‘Re 2, after what happened to my mom, no. I trust Carole to keep you under control! ‘
Your definite rejection of the idea of marriage with HG caught my attention and had me wondering anew about your empath profile, CP.
I was looking back through old conversations trying to find your results because I recall you sharing them shortly after completing the detector, but I might be wrong. My recollection is that you have standard and martyr is one of your cadres. I’m assuming some co-dependence based on recent discussions. I think you also have carrier.
Am I in the ballpark?
annaamel, I’ve always needed male approval (chained to dad but no real approval), including marriage. It’s 98% self hatred, why I won’t marry. 1% sh*t candidate. 1% fears being ruined like mom. In my 30s, thoughts of marriage don’t “help”. I think of things like travel flings instead.
On my makeup (HG please give permission to share, thank you), you’re right. Standard, martyr majority. Co-D 23% but I fear I was in denial. No carrier. I expected all carrier, if empath. Martyr is carrier w/o limits.
annaamel, minus carrier, you’re in the ballpark
Candied Pansy,
I have a friend with a significant martyr element. The distinguishing factor with the Martyr Cadre is the willingness to accept accountability for things you are not accountable for.
When we are kids, brought up in a LOCE environment where we are not having our emotional / physical needs met by caregivers we face a mental dilemma. Either, ‘I am bad because people are horrible to me / ignore me’ or, ‘they are bad for being horrible to / ignoring me and I am good.’
I think the empath takes the ‘I am bad’ option to varying degrees. The narcissist chooses the ‘they are bad’ option then expands on it in a ‘I will never be treated like that again’ fashion, making the psychological amendments to ensure that is the case.
The Martyr empath takes accountability for poor behaviour of others because in essence, she feels that she deserves it because ‘she is bad’. Different cadres have varying degrees of this I think, ranging from a general desire to please / help others through to a more pronounced belief that the abuse that took place in childhood through to adulthood is somehow their fault. They take full accountability for the poor behaviour of the narcissist.
HG explains the interplay between narcissist and empath ( especially the Martyr) here. It’s an excellent video and helped my friend a lot.
https://youtu.be/1Y7AumiQPJQ?si=KWMvlD5rgtFd1GtW
Accepting accountability for our own actions is healthy but it starts to become very self defeating when we accept accountability for things that we were never accountable for, particularly when we’re kids and not emotionally equipped to deal with the LOCE we were in.
https://youtu.be/iB7-G3kjDxE?si=-cODe0Rm5H0et1bY
Xx
Annaamel:
Hi! I have objections to the matyr category as being CoD without limits. I think HG left out religion and strong convictions from his analysis. I have matyr as my cadre. I think it’s my devout faith. Making decisions based on my service. If you look at matrys throughout history they aren’t CoDs. They are perhaps zealots. I see a difference even with horrible bombers like we saw in 911, not CoD. Throughout history, countless martyrs have sacrificed their lives for their beliefs, causes, and principles. From religious figures like Joan of Arc and Thomas Becket to activists like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr., martyrs have played a significant role in shaping the course of history. Their courage, conviction, and willingness to stand up for what they believe in have left an indelible mark on the world. If I feel someone is a victim or wronged in a legal case, I have sometimes hurt myself financially for the pursuit of justice. I did the same for my children. I put them ahead of me to achieve a successful adult and it worked beyond my wildest dreams. Even with a stranger or a neighbor, I have given my time and free legal advice to right the wrongs. It’s why I became a lawyer. I sometimes hurt myself like if I took a client to appeal and he can’t afford the final brief. Do I destroy years of payments and blow his case by not doing the final step for nothing or give him a chance? I choose to do it for free. People run out of money at the end of a case often and the lawyer almost always withdraws with only the lawyer benefitting in the end. I always found that wrong. I have taken people in my home too when they had no one else to hel such as my sons father…. to aid my son. Again it was a great decision. Most would not do it. I got no child support as he could not afford it but I decided to keep the relationship between them and do what I could. Beyond the norm. As adults they now have a great relationship although it took great sacrifice that many would not have taken. It gave my son a father, an identity and extended family who saw all that I did and who remain loving supporters in our life. I am not a CoD. I am a matyr. For me if it is a just cause, ok I am far the hero and that Martin Luther King Jr is, I will do almost anything to reach my goals even if it harms me. I feel a calling, an insatiable drive to reach that extremely important goal no matter the cost. I push myself to the limits usually out of love. I have no regrets. To be honest my need to be true to myself and to put God above all is in my mind not a mistake. Life is short and eternity is long. I often feel this Earth and my life is a short stop. If it means that I door mat, someone who needs to live by a higher purpose, so be it. I am what I am. Per HG …a matyr. What I don’t like is this common definition that women who are mateys do it to be one to gain recognition. That’s not me at all. I am a parent. I am an attorney. I am a child of God. I don’t do things to get recognition or praise or pity for any sacrifice I make. I often never discuss it, or reveal it. I do things for my own PURPOSE. My own. Even if it’s out of Faith. It’s my personal faith. I am an independent woman who makes her own choices and takes accountability for it. I push aside the naysayers who say “ you can’t do that” … As the little train said “ I think I can.” The definition or word martyr comes from “witness.” It’s Greek word and it’s derived from those who would face persecution or death for their religious beliefs. I don’t see that as CoD, I see the opposite. But HGs blog was short. Maybe he can elaborate….
Hi Contagion.
The statement you are responding to is ‘martyr is carrier without limits’. It has not been stated that martyr is codependent without limits. You misread.
CP, I’m glad my recollection was pretty close. I couldn’t remember carrier but thought if you had martyr you might have it. But martyr possibly takes in the carrier element.
I do see the standard dominating your responses here. And although you’ve stated you feel chained to your dad and HG, and I can recognise an attachment to HG which has been growing stronger (as it does for many posters after their arrival) I actually don’t see significant codependency in your comments. It’s mainly your admission of codependence that I’ve been responding to here and there.
I do see your martyr element and it was apparent from your initial posts. It creeps in to your responses fairly regularly and you will assume culpability for things you are not responsible for. It’s possible that if you hadn’t met the criteria for martyr in your ED responses you’d have been classified as a carrier. Someone very responsible but who stops short of taking on that extra level. It’s great to be responsible and accountable. But it’s important that it’s only when it’s completely appropriate – such as when others who have a history of reliability have indicated it is your fault. Like TS suggests, growing up with a narcissist parent can skew one’s perspective as they want you to take on blame and will manipulate the facts to encourage you to do so.
As to marriage, I often think people marry way too early. If people had to wait till 50 to marry they might make better choices because they know themselves better and understand other people better. So, from this angle, you’ve got 20 years to sort stuff out… That doesn’t mean no relationships, of course. Just no formalising. Do whatever feels right for you.
@Truthseeker6157, thank you for your comment and the videos. I 100% understand the taking blame because you feel you deserve it, are “bad”, or adults are determined to blame you and you can’t make it stop. When it’s everyone against one, you tend to figure the majority rules, so just keep trying harder to be blameless! I feel for your friend. I spent a lot of life having to carry blame for my dad’s behavior.
Contagious, you exhibit the good side of martyr. I get preoccupied w/my dysfunctional side, and forget the good one exists. I just listened to the martyr bit HG sent me in my EDC. Mine said that martyr is carrier 2.0 exhibiting a slavish devotion to a narc, and the difference from carrier is that martyrs suffer more harm. Maybe martyr can make one a doormat if it’s in the wrong hands (mine), but in the right ones like yours, it means you will do anything for what you think is right (like MLK Jr).
Hi CP,
I can answer number 10 for you. My narc husband is LMR and yes, they’re the asshole between the cheeks, lol!
Did you see Mr. Tudor’s response to number 2? I’m waiting with bated breath, lol!
Hi Leigh,
Thank you for braving 10! I am sorry you have one for now. LMR are most odious.
Re 2 I’m more gun shy than him, never married! maybe a spicy poontang consultation
Hi CP,
I actually have 3 LMRs in my life. My mother and daughter are LMR also. Ugh, I hate to say this about my daughter but yes, it is most odious.
Leigh,
I really am sorry you have 3 LMRs in your life. Your mother, husband, and daughter should support, not drain. That is a lot on your plate.
Hi CP,
Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with my mother too much. She’s in a nursing home and I only speak with her once a month for 5 minutes or less. I quickly get off the phone and I haven’t gone to see her since right before COVID.
I’m planning my escape but I’m trying very carefully to not lose my shirt here. I’ve been with my narc husband for nearly 40 years. We met when I was a teenager, so I’m not that old but all of our assets are intertwined. My interactions with him are very limited. I do that on purpose.
With my daughter, when she has an IPPS, the conversations are few and far between. Most of the time I’m not interacting with them all at once. On a rare occasion though, the cockroaches all come out of the wall at the same time.
Leigh,
It’s good you’re down to ANC with your mother and she’s away. I can’t imagine how intertwined your life is with your husband after 40 years! That is a lot of “shirt” to unwind and harder to do with a narc partner.
Have I seen correctly that you have an empath daughter? If so, at least you have one person that can be on your side. I apologize, if you don’t.
Hi CP,
Yes, have an empath daughter too. One daughter is an empath and one is a narc.
I do have an empath friend in my life. She’s really been a life saver.
Hi Leigh,
My mother was a LMRVN, so I can agree with you, they’re the worse to deal with on a daily…I wasn’t able to call her a b*^#%, but she does fit the bill….I just couldn’t bring myself to yell it to her, though she told my aunts that I called her all sorts of names, pity play and changing history were her two weapons of choice, the two she used on me often.
How do I let her go? She’s 6 ft under and I still am haunted by her abuse. How do i let her go? I’ve done it to some degree, but not all the way, or is it something i just have to live with? Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I was just thinking about this. For some reason you find it harder to detach. So, how do you overcome that and find a way to detach? For me, once it becomes clear and I can see the narcissism, I’m able to detach. I find it helps to call it like it is. They’re narcissists. Period. They don’t deserve your empathy. It also helps me when I think about the things they’ve done to people I love. My mother is a good example of this. I have a disabled brother who she was abhorrent too. She wasn’t considerate to him so she doesn’t deserve my consideration.
I hope that helps a little bit. I know you struggle with letting go off your mom and your brother.
Thank you Leigh, I appreciate your help here. Xx
The bonds of family are what I have with my mother and brother, even though they were sometimes cruel to me, I still love them and love I don’t easily break free from, not that I thnk you’re cold, far from it…I just think my attachment has more anxiety wrapped in it and makes it harder for me to let go of someone who’s not even breathing anymore. Xx I was able to pull away from her to some degree, while she was alive…I did that, I’m proud of that accomplishment. I just about severed all cords with her, the reasons I didn’t was because of my Dad. He didn’t deserve to be left by me and my mother knew my weakeness. She used it against me, why I still called them, while she was alive. After she died, I spent more time with him in person. I feel guilt from the times I missed with him because I was avoiding her and my brother. My brother lived with them and mooched off them, wouldn’t work after his wife left him. She got tired of his abuse and went back to her country.
Anyway, it’s mainly just her words that haunt me, the letting go part is just her words in my head…I’m learning from HG just to ignore the words, they aren’t the truth about me, she was lying to get a reaction from you. She was a narc, forget her words, focus on the here and now, and focus on facts about yourself instead. That’s what I hold on to, when I feel I can’t succeed at escaping.
My Dad’s words were more encouraging, he would tell me I can do this and that, I’m smart and capable, ignore her shit…develope my own opinion about myself that isn’t related to what other people think, form my own opinion about me. He knew how I was, he was so wise. Damn, I miss him so much.
That’s the hard part for me, I want approval from others. I need to learn my own approaval with me. I’m learning. Please be patient with me, I ask the same of everyone here. Xx HG, thank you for your patience and thanks for moderating. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
The messages we received as a child can be very difficult to overcome. I would agree that their words can be haunting. My parents’ words still haunt me too, You’re working on ignoring those messages. That’s huge. Listen to the encouraging words of your father. You can do this!
Glad you’re implementing your personal life with a more sociable approach. Thanks for your corrections and guidance.
I would like to know your thoughts on why a narcissist would stay in a relationship with an IPPS when the IPPS is also a narc and is physically abusive to the other narc. Why not just go find another IPPS who is not an abuser?
The narcissism of the first narcissist will cause it to seek to obtain control over the second narcissist and evidently this is being obtained (physical violence not withstanding) and there are likely the other benefits of the prime aims which means that it is worthwhile to maintain the interaction. Furthermore, there may not be a ready replacement.
Mr. Tudor,
In the scenario posed by Amanda: “I would like to know your thoughts on why a narcissist would stay in a relationship with an IPPS when the IPPS is also a narc and is physically abusive to the other narc. Why not just go find another IPPS who is not an abuser?”
1. If the narcissist who was being physically abused was a narcissist who was less prone to physical violence, would they become more likely to engage in physical violence with that person owing to physical violence being used as a means to assert control over them meaning they must nullify that threat?
2. Would they be more likely to resort to physical violence with an empath IPPS in the future after “learning” how effective it is or are they more likely to continue with their preferred manipulations of pity play, silent treatment, triangulation, etc?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
1. Not necessarily.
2. Not necessarily.
Thank you so much, sir. Much appreciation.
My narc mother stayed with my narc father bec she could manipulate him, she draw fuel from his verbal abuse and she possibly didn’t notice emotional abuse, lol. She lived off his money, still lives off his parents inheritance she stole from me.
She liked the “social status” and image she got through him, and being the manipulative queen of her family world.
Why did my father stay with her? Same reasons for image, and he thought he was the authority in our family.
I don’t know what would have happened if he had been physically abusive, he wasn’t as far as I am aware. (My mother slapped us).
But my parents didn’t care when I told them that my ex had slapped me across the room, my sister said that her husband was allowed to do that.
HG, would my mother notice subtle emotional abuse of her? When I try to annoy her, it backfires most of the time. She is like a duck where everything pearls off the feathers.
Hi Mr TUDOR,
I can’t seem to find again an interesting post from Isabel about your IPPS. So sending on here:
You would have described some changes in your behaviours towards your intimate partner as working on “a more social aspect”.
Would it be possible for you to describe these intentions and if met with effects, their consequences on your relationship?
Thanking you in advance.
I may do so in due course.
That would be very interesting to hear about when you are ready to share it, sir.
Hi Tea!
You wrote:
Did you find out what profile was your ex?
Self study only, what I recognized from HG’s work I duct-taped together 🙂
Pity play so mid-ranger?
Yes. Facade (nice guy, helpful) was always physically fit, sexually active (military, I think Somatic) Pity play, not so much as whining but an absolute victim of the world.
His Narc-traits were everything but not aggressive and he never threatened me of hurt me or talked me down. It was lying, deflecting, always vague, never taking agreements serious….. He stood me up new years eve ’22-’23
Things lik that, always passive aggressive. And now smearing. But he was not deep in my social world and my people are very very supportive.
In the process broke with a friend too, I thought: hmmmm you feel a bit
narc-y too…..
It is a bit lonely but it feels GOOD that I have no vagueness, I can always count on me and I’m filling my life with so much fun. I have more patience with my children and I actually don’t miss a man at the moment. This year is all about me and finding myself again.
Good to hear you’re too quite ok now, nice to chat with you!
Are you from Belgium??
Salut Brenda,
Next to Belgium mais je ne porte pas de béret! With Irish ancestry.
What about you?
Yep They can have it all yet they will always be the victim of someone or something! Once you’ve read one you can’t unread them so to speak. Feeling narc-y can help setting boundaries. See it, say it, sort it…
A long time ago, I was someone sweet… Pouahhah
Je dois te dire mais tu l’auras surement remarqué, que tout ce que l’on écrira pourra être retenu contre nous. C’est le prix a payer.
Je l’aime bien malgré tout!
Comment as tu découvert HG?
Au plaisir de te lire.
I have to tell you, but you will surely have noticed, that everything we write could be used against us. It’s the price to pay.
I like it anyway!
How did you discover HG?
Looking forward to reading you.
… _ … _ … _ … _ . _ ….. _ .. _ … – … – …
Ave Caesar morituri te salutant!
Hi Tea, I heard it in one of the interviews with Doug 🙂 I don’t know if you have listened, but they were very nice to listen.
They helped me through a drive from Charleroi to my home, an emotional drive drive home when the narc I left, resided still in my head. I’m not sure which episode it was.
It was you Brenda! It was indeed your post. Hello 🙂
Sorry I’m just reading HG, Dani and your responses right now. Thought my 1st question wasn’t displayed so I tried with a short comment about it the day after,
silly me :o)
I haven’t listen to all Doug and HG’s episodes, for now. I’ll wait a bit.
Doug was someone touching.
Comment te sens tu maintenant?
Bien, merci. Le soleil brille à nouveau dans ma tête et j’ai de grands objectifs (sportifs).
I’m back on the track where I was before he came in to my life. I climb (indoor and outdoor) again, picked up running and nest month I’ll add kickboxing to my sporty-diet 🙂
September I’ll do a Mud Run. This is my year.
I unblocked him last week and the pity plays came through, I wanted to feel what that would do to me. But I just felt pity for him. The anger is gone, the wanting too.
Only a wave so now and then where I feel lonely, miss ‘somebody’ but that is always temporary and nothing that a cappuchino, chocolate or a run can’t fix.
And I have filled my agenda with so much fun things, no time for a man!
How are you doing Tea? How do you handle the narcissistic shitstorm? <3
Bonsoir Brenda,
Good to read your message also that you’re overcoming the Emotional Thinking and trauma.
It’s always motivating reading someone’s efforts going back on track on the physical level too. Thank you for that. You’re going to become a real warrior! Le prochain aura intérêt a bien se tenir!
En plus, tu peux abuser d’un peu plus de chocolat (non non je suis pas accro).
Ah la tempête qui sent mauvais, plutôt la vaguelette! Well…
Between the misuse of words and attempts to deform by sidetracking the content of my 1st comment, the clear insinuations of improper expression of thoughts or unpaired listening that were adressed to the person who have stated the initial comment (who might haven’t seen it was directed to her) I tend to intervene when it’s for somebody else. I don’t mind if it’s twisted too. It fits one’s purpose, bending to it.
Reading the viciousness of someone in a comment can immerse in a world you just regret having laid your eyes upon. Two days to get rid of the nauseous sensations.
As for the words, opening the Cambridge dictionary, it’s still written the same! C’est la vie!
No lesser or mid-rangers around so life is pretty chilled.
Even thought currently at my parents’ for a few days and dealing with another kind of fur(r)y with their 8 cats: 1 is psychopathic, 1 sociopathic, 2 clear empaths, the rest narcissistic (half are wild, the rest stray with PTSD). A daily challenge!
Single for a while now and happy this way as I tend to attract profiles with psychopathy. One was a narcissistic psychopath with sadism. HG’s teachings helped a lot in understanding it.
Did you find out what profile was your ex?
Pity play so mid-ranger?
Life will be only romantically lonelier but so tangibly fulfilled the moment you will meet a sweet empath (who would probably be in need of your knowledges to understand his past).
Having your mojo back is the first step so you seem to be fully on track!
Thank you for your message <3
Dear Mr Tudor,
Our youngest son has invited us all to his wedding with the ostracised narc, any advice?
Many thanks
Bubbles ☺️
Organise a consultation.
Thank you
I’m sorry your son is going through this, Bubbles. I was married to a narc for almost a decade.
Dear Another Cat,
So are we ! The narc has been pushing to get married for legal security.
I truly feel for what you went thru AC 🥺
Thank you! I wish there were something to do in this situation, but I know one can’t convince an adult how to live their own life. I guess just being there for him will help you. You and mr Bubbles being calm while your son in law is stressig him out, might show the difference. I hope.
Dear Another Cat,
Thank you AC, it’s very comforting to know. It appears I’m the one now being smeared to all n sundry …….not only by the narc but also by my own son. It’s interesting how recollections vary !
Our son is anxious for our RSVP !
Hi Bubbles, so sorry to hear about the step your son plans to take. I have a daughter married to a narc for 14 years this summer, it is not fun, my heart goes out to your family.
Dear A Victor,
Thank you lovely. The trouble is, this narc is such a man child…… carries on like a port chop! Sulks and cries for effect and guilt trips our son for spending time with us. It’s truly nauseating!
Wow Bubbles, you described mine, minus the crying. We’ve even had him pull her aside to do something with just him at family events! The insecurity is so sad but also it embarrasses her and we’re left to figure out how to carry on with that happening in the midst of us, so for him a win/win. They really can be babies. I’m sorry you have to endure that also.
Bubbles, he guilt trips your son for spending time with you? Sounds like my ex husband guilt tripping me for visiting my terminally ill empathic father.
So sad. Can HG help you with a consultation?
Maybe discussing what other ppl there might be around your son, who have good influence on him?
Best wishes
AC
Dearest A Victor,
They want the security of being kept in the manner to which they’ve been accustomed at their victims expense !
Our son received a blasting from the narc after spending birthday celebrations with his dad….sulked and then implemented the silent treatment!
I agree AV, sooooo juvenile ! 👶
🤦♀️
Dearest Another Cat,
Bloody hell, that’s just awful! They are really something else aren’t they ? Power and control….always. Glad he’s your ex now!
We barely know any of the people they know (or should I say the narcs side) so there’s that! At this stage, our son really only has work friends! We would be strangers to everyone and what’s worse, they’re having it at mum’s house, just to add to the cherry on top 🍒
Yes, a consultation would be most desirable, however, out of the equation for me unfortunately. It was really about Mr Tudor’s thoughts on whether we should attend the wedding or not!
To go or not to go, that is the question? We still have time to make a decision.
Damned if we do and damned if we don’t haha
Dear Bubbles,
I’m sorry you’re going through this and that you’re being smeared too. Xx I feel bad for you and I hope, for you, your son and family, that it’s cancelled wedding, or a short marraige. Xx
Dear Rebecca,
Many thanks for your kind words lovely!
It’s very upsetting when you’re being smeared. The narc has brainwashed my son with distortions of the truth. If you say it often enough, one believes it to be true!
Unfortunately, the wedding is definitely going ahead even though they can’t really afford it and up to their eye balls in debt! 🤦♀️
Dear Bubbles,
I understand how you feel, being smeared hurts a lot, especially by your own son! Xx I sympathize with you because my stepdaughter and husband smeared me and I know the amount of pain I went through and what you must be feeling. Xx Just understand your son is ensnared and when one is ensnared they’re all about that narc and everyone else is in the back seat….until their eyes are opened, their ET lowers, or they’re disengaged from. Hang in there! Be kind to yourself and protect yourself from the emotional abuse as much as you can. It’s what I try to do, though not very successful some days…basically, chin up and know your son does love you. Xx🥰
Dear Rebecca,
I very much appreciate your encouraging words Rebecca and I truly understand the depth of smearing. I’m so sorry you are a recipient of this devastation. It’s such a surprise, shock and cruel blow, to know your family member has just said such degrading remarks and twisting the turn of events to all the ‘other’ family and friends who will be attending their wedding.
I honestly feel for anyone here who has gone thru this. I cannot trust my son anymore and my feelings to him have changed to the extent I no longer feel the tight bond and closeness we once shared.
This narc has destroyed the relationship we all once had with our son, not to mention, our son has aged 10 years over the last year.
I feel it’s only going to go downhill even further.
Heartfelt thanks lovely one 🥰xx
Bubbles!
I’m so sorry!
But, say I know a guy–I’m not sayin’ but if I was sayin’–could be he knows a guy, from the thing in the place, back home in the garbage business. Maybe owes me a favor.
Point is–I don’t let nobody mess with my Bubbles.
Dear Allison,
Thanks gorgeous for your most generous offer 🤣
Perhaps a peace offering of some Beef Wellington 🍄might be more subtle 🤣
You’ve shown your sacrificial tendencies to appease and please. Anyone acting with a condescending tone or a patronising complacency toward you is an ultimate delusional. You’ve shown your strenght and you were right from the start (with an extensive meaning). Thank you for your compassion. Take care.
Yo, Bubbles–
Fuhgeddaboudit!
Dear Allison,
It’s reassuring to know you have my back gorgeous hehe 😝
💋mwah
Bubbles,
“I honestly feel for anyone here who has gone thru this. I cannot trust my son anymore and my feelings to him have changed to the extent I no longer feel the tight bond and closeness we once shared.”
I am so sorry to hear that. 💔 The damage narcs can cause, within families, is truly insidious and often exponential, it seems. I hope, if the marriage happens (sounds like it will) that perhaps it will run it course quickly. I am also sorry to hear of the effect on your son, aging him significantly – narc abuse takes its toll in so many ways.
Dearest WhoCares,
Thankyou for your support lovely, it means heaps!
We don’t expect to hear from our son anytime soon!
Sadly, we will just carry on regardless, there’s nothing more we can do !
Narcs destroy everything 🥺
HG
The rise of people travelling abroad for dangerous plastic surgeries, has resulted in deaths.
1-In your view is society becoming more narcissistic?
2-Or are people becoming more co -dependant and submissive? Failing to think for themselves and becoming sheep.
3- Is the herd mentality increasing?
1. Yes.
2. There is an increasing lack of critical thinking.
3. Yes.
Thanks for the reply. You have confirmed what I saw in my observations.
Watching your most recent DM clip, I wondered: For narcissists on stage today, is the fuel amount reduced when the audience basically watches them only through the camera lens of their mobile phones instead of directly looking at them or does the knowledge that they are being recorded compensate for that?
The fact they are watching with their eyes directly or through a camera makes no difference, it is still a response to the narcissist and provides fuel. Good question though.
Thank you kindly. I suspect many artists, especially the non-narcissists (the abnormal swine!) are none too pleased when large parts of their audience stare at a screen to get the video just right instead of clapping and singing along and just enjoying the show.
Dear HG,
In one of your interviews with Doug you were talking about your IPPS and I believe Doug asked if she was in devaluation and you discussed how long you are together. You stated that you are working on more ‘social’ behavior. I was wondering if this is true.
Though I think I understand after having a true marathon of your video’s the last month a bit about how you see the world, I do wonder, do you sometimes choose to set one free without too much harm? Just because you can? There is also power in that. YOU decide.
I mean, if I understand you right, a new IPPS is quickly found, so why go ALLLLLLLL the way in devaluation?
I can imagine you just enjoyed what your appliance had to offer, you can see it is a good person, perhaps they get a more mild treatment perhaps.
I do understand you have no guilt, empathy and remorse, but you do have knowledge.
Thank you for your time, and even more, thank you for letting us see a glimpse of your mind. I find it SO interesting 🙂
X
Brenda, I like your questions and where your thoughts went in terms of power and choice (from the empathic perspective). But what you are asking about is akin to: being very hungry and preparing your favorite meal but instead of eating it you throw it into a bin.
Amongst other reasons Mr Tudor agreed to therapy in order to benefit, to enhance, to become better at what he does (Prime Aims, Control, Fuel), by gaining more knowledge about himself. Which would mean that the IPPS (post-therapy) might be worse off than those before, in terms of devaluation etc. Mr Tudor frequently mentioned that the negative Fuel is more potent to him. „ALLLLLLLL the way in devaluation“ ― is the most delicious part of the meal — is what I got from the articles, videos and replies on the blog.
Not all appliances become negative Fuel providers. It depends on what their position is in the Fuel Matrix. It is a necessity of the construct to receive the negative and positive Fuel provision in order to perform its function of protecting the narcissist. In Mr Tudor’s case – the psychopathy, as I understood, plays a role in the negative Fuel preference because the negative emotional output is more difficult (challenging) to obtain. Mr Tudor requires the challenge which plays a part in alleviating the boredom which relates to psychopathy.
Hi Jordy, I understand what you are saying and I believe this to be true. I was asking about the IPPS and they always get into devaluation, I understood from the video’s and ‘Pipelines’.
I was juste referring to what I heard in the interview. And I was wondering if HG would be willing to explain 🙂
It’s just, if you cognitively know what is right even though you don’t feel that way, there lies power in making other choices. I’m curious how and if, HG changed his behaviors and goals.
Hi Brenda, I see.. :)) Your question and thoughts remind me of myself when I arrived on the blog and referenced a comment from 2016.
***
HG Tudor says: June 29, 2016 at 13:16
…Am I a soul serial killer, yes I suppose I am.
I continue because I have no option other than to do so.
Can I still be what I am and not destroy others? That remains to be seen but past performance indicates the chances are slim…
Jordyguin says: July 18, 2022 at 02:41
It was many years ago. What changed? How are the chances now?
***
Back to –> „It’s just, if you cognitively know what is right even though you don’t feel that way, there lies power in making other choices.“
I agree with you. I think the same. And yet Mr Tudor’s answer to this type of contemplation echoes through my mind as: „No. There is no reason not to devalue… No one will be spared… All are equal and the outcome will be the same for each… No one is special in this regard… All is governed by The Prime Aims… IF the façade (in order to get to the Prime Aims) demands it ― devaluation may be suspended but not canceled…”
Think about this: For the Greater and Ultra (consciously) the most potent Fuel is the Hoover Fuel of the former IPPS ! (Not even the new positive Fuel from the new IPPS ! ) The ability to drive the former IPPS back in after the horrible treatment — result in the most potent, most fueling effect. It underlines the POWER.
Let’s brainstorm.
How can the POWER of letting her go (without devaluation and after-hoover) achieve this effect?
Jordyguin: “Think about this: For the Greater and Ultra (consciously) the most potent Fuel is the Hoover Fuel of the former IPPS ! (Not even the new positive Fuel from the new IPPS ! ) The ability to drive the former IPPS back in after the horrible treatment — result in the most potent, most fueling effect. It underlines the POWER.
“Let’s brainstorm.
“How can the POWER of letting her go (without devaluation and after-hoover) achieve this effect?”
Fascinating thoughts, Jordy.
Does one always need the same effect and potency or can enough be enough?
I know there is ‘never enough’ fuel, BUT if one is trying to be a bit more social AND choices are made different, perhaps one can decide that the fuel-matrix is fulfilling enough to stop at an earlier junction.
Just hypothesis 🙂
HG explained that his need for fuel is lower because of the Psychopathy, and his fuel matrix is excellent. So, with some shifts here and there he could become a ‘Sweet Psycho’ or something?
Sounds ridiculous but hey, just a hypothesis 🙂
Who only takes what he truly needs instead of taking it all just because you can.
Dani, thank you! (I await your further input if you see fit🌟)
Empathic answers, Brenda. I’ll play the devil’s advocate ;))
1. „Does one always need the same effect and potency?“
No, not the same. Better and better.
2. „I know there is ‘never enough’ fuel, BUT“
How do you know? You’re an empath, how could you possibly know how a bottomless vessel which can never be filled functions, and what is enough?
3. „If one is trying to be a bit more social…“
You’ve missed the point on the subject of what makes a Greater and Ultra, don’t you think?
Do you give to charity?
Yes.
I’m grateful of the existence of KTN.
Me too. In a way the free material and information HG provides is a form of charity in itself.
Why?
It appertains to the facade of being a caring and generous person.
It provides fuel and control.
HG,
I wish I could be you for a day.
Having so many emotional reactions to people is exhausting!
Sonya, I too have wished that I could be like HG, only for a week.
With my current job I can become extremely exhausted with all of the emotions that are flying around and changing rapidly, within an hour I can be dealing with happiness, sadness, depression, volatile behaviour and frustration as well as that person feeling frightened, while for the most part I would not change my life, I could certainly use not having to spin those emotions around on a pinwheel.
I do feel however, that I would also understand the irritation that HG feels daily when faced with the ignorance and stupidity of some, and that frustration is something I could do without.
In my opinion you are extremely fortunate HG not to experience some of those emotions that can cause fatigue, I admire and respect you for being who you are, and even if you could, I would not want you to change, you would not be who you are today if you were not a narcissistic psychopath.
Sending you love HG ❤️❤️❤️
I understand your explanations about the changing of emotions that can lead to fatigue, Carole.
Thank you, I sometimes feel that some of those around me are oblivious to such draining behaviour due to the lack of experiencing it themselves.
While I understand that it will not be everyone’s opinion, the professions that I have been in and are still in, involve me taking control of every situation that I am involved with so I am happy for someone else to take control of my life, control is exhausting, I am happy, to a certain degree, to be controlled.
I understand what you mean, Carole.
Thank you for your reply Carole. Yes, I understand exactly what you mean. It can also lead some empaths to experience a period of emotional empathy fatigue until the external stressors are dealt with to the point of where the reduced, or, their corrupt ET has been managed better through applying the LT. Sometimes, it is easier to “process” through the external stressors with the support of people who provide assistance is HG or, words of support from others.
I wouldn’t want to do a week, I believe a day would be sufficient for me. But I can understand wanting to be him for a week.
I’d like to be him long enough to wear one of his suits.
Allison, I wonder about his suit collection! Can you imagine what his closet looks like?? Neat rows of suits organized by color, equally neat rows of Italian shoes.
I’ve been wanting to ask him: HG, the videos where you speak while filming a picture of your property…would you be willing to do one with your closet in the background? Or even just a still picture would suffice.
Is that weird? Probably, but I just know it’s the most beautifully organized closet in the world!!
No. The skeletons would not like it.
Haha fair enough, wouldn’t want to rattle your bones
Hi, K@
I love organized closets, too! I mean, LOVE. And I love men’s clothes. But they don’t flatter my body. My Ts are really out there and there’s nothing mannish about this A. I’ve found pants that would fit my waist if only they could go up and over my rump. And my boobs interrupt the lines and the flow of the shirts. I just daydream about the sensation of excellent masculine tailoring over my form.
And, yes. Our closet thing is maybe weird.
Perhaps you could have a suit tailored to fit you? It may be expensive, but worth the splurge just to have one.
Also, as the acceptance of androgyny continues to grow, more websites will be offering men’s clothes fitted for the female form, and vice versa.
I bet there are even some now!
Dear HG,
In “The Creature: An Introduction”, you mentioned that there is a forthcoming book. Any update on the status of it? Would you consider providing us with a preview of how an upper midrange narcissist experiences the Creature? Your books are excellent – my absolute favorites so far are Fury and Fuel.
Thank you so much!
This remains a work in progress.
“THIS work in progress” is nearly finished or “at ITS end”, wouldn’t you agree?
Mr. Tudor,
1. Is “The Creature” more difficult for you to write than your other books?
2. Do/Have you, personally, ever have/had trouble with writer’s block with your extensive collection of works?
3. Would writer’s block (if experienced by you) appear more in the form of loss of interest in the work as opposed to sitting and staring at the screen in frustration owing to ‘no inspiration’ or the equivalent?
4. Do you have some books (you’re writing/written) where you obsess over it being perfect? Do you have an obsession with perfection when it comes to your books?
Narcs in general:
5. Would writer’s block (experienced by prominent narc authors in general) be a genuine lack of inspiration or subconsciously about triangulating an IPPS or controlling their readership and drawing fuel from the consternation?
6. Would the answer to four depend greatly on the school/cadre of the narcissist in question?
Psychopaths:
7. Would a pure psychopath (if an author) experience writer’s block?
8. If yes, what would the experience be? Boredom?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciation!
1. No.
2. No.
3. N/A
4. No.
5. I could be a genuine lack of inspiration which is then used for the purposes of triangulation.
6. N/A
7. Yes.
8. An inability to write.
Thank you, sir. Much appreciation!
HG: Sam Vatnim said he was aware of becoming a narcissist at age 4. He felt “ kidnapped” from his true self and he felt he was looking at the world through a glass since or as an observer. Did you have a similar experience? Did you become aware at the moment of creation? Did it feel like a kidnapping? Thank you in advance.
No.
HG, I’m not sure if you already answered this somewhere, I’ve listened a lot and read a lot, though, perhaps I missed it.
Do you have any recollection, any memory from before the narcissism was formed?
Not sure.
And if not, could the Psychopathy be the reason? Because this is genetic and from birth? And it overlaps with narcissism.
What were you like as a baby? Did you cry? Did you want to be held?
My friend has an autistic son and he was very a-typical, and now I’m curious about you.
Thank you!
The narcissism did not form in an instant but was a gradual progress therefore there isn’t a precise boundary between before and after.
Hi HG,
Glad to have the Ultra back! I hope you are well, and were up to some invigorating new endeavors during your holiday.
May I ask:
1. Are you coming to the States for the solar eclipse occurring on April 8th?
Dallas is one of the cities that is in the path of totality (nearly 5 minutes!), and I believe you mentioned once that you had business in Texas for a time.
Visit old friends perhaps?
2. I apologize if this is a silly question, but would you enjoy having a hedge maze on one of your properties, if feasible? It’s just that you seem as if you’d have fun giving chase to ipps’s in one.
Thank you!
1. No.
2 Yes.
1. If you can you should, the one in 1999 was amazing!
Ah, I came into the world during that eclipse.
Ha ha, Young Boy!
You would then be 2 years older than I – during this eclipse 🙂
Mooned by The Ultra.
Very good, NA.
You were born in 1999, HG? No way!
I thought I felt the heavens tremble then. That tracks.
In what respect?
Oh please come to Dallas? Pretty please?
Hey HG! I get the impression you don’t come to the States much or California! True? Why? Americans are often examples in your series and lots of narcs in SoCal… oops is that why? lol I know you are a cultural man but the Getty is amazing and top notch music and broadway, classical etc…not to mention the women LOVE British and their darling accents…plenty of fuel! Warning: This is an advertisement;)
I have been to the US on many occasions.
Which states have you visited?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciation.
Mr. Tudor–
To your knowledge:
1. Has anyone whose work you’ve appreciated, famous actor, musician, author, etc, ever filled out an empath detector?
2. Has anyone whose work you’ve appreciated, famous actor, musician, author, etc, ever filled out a narc detector?
3. Has anyone whose work you’ve appreciated, famous actor, musician, author, etc, ever had an audio/email consultation?
4. If yes to any of the above, what were your thoughts upon realization?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. Yes.
Thank you so much for answering, sir!
1. Were the detectors (in the case of the person whose work you admire) filled out by an empath, narcissist/narcissistic, normal or varied (if this has occurred multiple times)?
2. Had/have you met this individual in a face-to-face interaction at any point before or since they utilized your services?
3. Have you ever seen someone in person reading a book by HG Tudor?
4. Have you knowingly been face-to-face with anyone after they utilized services offered through the Knowledge Vault?
Thank you so much for your time, sir. It’s always a pleasure to read your responses.
1. Varied.
2. No.
3. Yes.
4. No.
Thank you so much for answering, sir!
1. Is coming face-to-face with anyone who has utilized the ND/ED/TD/Consultations something that, at this time, you consider best avoided?
2. If the opportunity presented itself to interact with a Tudorite in person and you knew it would not present a threat to control, would you want to interact with a Tudorite one-on-one in public?
3. Would interacting with a Tudorite in person and not letting them know who you are appeal more than their recognition of you or would it just appeal in different ways?
You have such mixed responses to those wanting to meet you in person, i.e. some people tell you they are happiest keeping their distance from you and others say they would love to meet you in person.
4. Do you find those who express interest in seeing you face-to-face are more willing to be on camera with you if they have audio consultations?
5. Would you avoid those who say they are happy not knowing your face, owing to it presenting a threat to control, in the same way that you do not introduce yourself to a woman in a bar as a narcissistic psychopath?
You’ve mentioned, regarding DM concerts, you know that you’ve been in the vicinity of Tudorites, the lady who went to Twickenham last year and Sam recently in Manchester. You mentioned teasing one of them about being able to find out her seat and sneak up behind her and speaking to her. If you could find the seat of the Tudorite at Twickenham, it seems logical to me that you could find Sam’s seat at Manchester.
6. Did you learn the seat numbers or see Sam or the other Tudorite when you knew you were in the same place?
7. Did you see either of them by chance at a distance?
8. How entertaining would you find it to see a group (10+) of Tudorites in public wearing HoT (House of Tudor) merchandise?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
1. Not avoided, I do not see any necessity to do so. Why, are you angling to meet me?
2. I would find it interesting to meet many of my clients, readers and viewers. There are some interesting people amongst the Tudorites.
3. It would appeal in a different way.
4. Not necessarily. There are those who do not appear on camera who are very keen to meet me, although it is fair to say that those who do appear on camera have always expressed a desire to meet me.
5. No.
6. The Manchester concert has not yet taken place.
7. That is between me and the relevant individual.
8. It would please me considerably.
HG: “Why, are you angling to meet me?”
Just wanting to provide the best fuel I can. I feel like my fuel is a disappointment…given its delivery in the written form. I am overcome by a compulsion to do better for the Ultra. Nary does a day pass when I do not feel the weight of my inadequacies as a proper appliance. The moth of my empathic spirit is drawn to the brightly burning flames of your narcissism. I’m desperate to be the best appliance I can be for you. What can I say? How do I put it? You deserve my best. Has the best I’ve offered thus far, truly been good enough? Or am I a failure, a toaster, who whilst brave and little, rarely provides properly toasted bread?
I didn’t recall you ever saying if you had seen a Tudorite in person or had the opportunity to interact with a Tudorite one-on-one that you’d taken. You maintain that you would be able to fool us, which I do not dispute. So I was curious about what would be going on in that marvellous brain of yours given that I know the reality has been so readily available in a few cases.
Dani: “How entertaining would you find it to see a group (10+) of Tudorites in public wearing HoT (House of Tudor) merchandise?”
HG: “It would please me considerably.”
Please say it would begin with you saying, “Tudorites assemble!” That would be epic, sir.
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
Dani, your „written fuel“ a disappointment? Jōdandesu ka?!
You apply yourself with originality, respect, gratitude and attention to detail, studying HG’s work and blog. It speaks for itself how rewarding it must be for an author to be granted such an attentive reader and student. You are pretty impressive, humble and daring, brave little toaster🥰
Thank you, Jordyguin!
Wow Dani, you come up with some very impressive interview questions.
And thank you HG for answering them!
HG, is it fair to say that if you were within hearing range of someone familiar with your work, they recognize your voice?
Is your voice HG’s Achilles heel, so to speak.
Thank you!
Not necessarily.
No, on the contrary, it is a weapon.
Thank you, K@! And HG’s voice is one of his most beautiful weapons. It makes me melt.
K@
I pondered how HG’s voice might not be an Achilles heel for getting recognized.
Maybe English is not the language he normally uses.
In that case it is both true that he always uses this voice which we hear, AND still difficult to recognize as a person.
/two cents
Hi K and AC,
I think HG speaks with a different accent to cover his voice from being recognized. . ..it’s my thought on that issue for HG, or rather non-issue for HG Xx
Rebecca,K@, AC,
HG has said multiple times that he alters his accent for his videos. He’s lived many different places so he’s picked up the sounds of multiple accents. To me, his YouTube voice is a mix of RP (received pronunciation) and I hear hints of other English accents thrown in on occasion. Then there are the random additions…one that really stood out to me is when he pronounced “zucchini.” He said it correctly, before flipping to saying the ‘ch’ as it would be said in the word “choice.” I swear there was a hint of a smile in his voice when he said Zu-CHI-ni in that HW/ToW video.
I’ve heard HG play this game a few times with different words. For me, it’s difficult to determine when HG is playing a game vs. just an accidental mispronunciation. I’m sure that this, as much as a reasonable amount of scepticism on their part is handy in helping him avoid discovery from those in other parts of his fuel matrix, just as HG says. They may know him as a man who generously donates to charity, or a loner or someone who has rolled his eyes repeatedly when they talk about social media. Whatever HG’s interests are outside his legacy…they are likely night and day. Those people may be unlikely for multiple reasons to even be searching for information about narcissism/psychopathy. These factors increase the probability of a person rejecting the idea of knowing HG under a pseudonym.
As HG has said, even if former IPPSs have found it and recognized him…I’m sure that they are far too bright to do anything to cause him trouble. HG has said as much of his former IPPSs. I found that statement particularly ominous and menacing. Fiona’s letter gives us a clue of how aware one IPPS–the one he married–was of what was in store for her successor. I have no doubt that they are too bright to take the chance. I don’t want to know what HG would do to get even. (HG doesn’t go for “epsilon semi morons,” as he says) I feel like it would be worse than any previous devaluation they endured. Having heard but a sampling of what he’s done to IPPSs who failed him, I shudder at the hint of what he would come up with for someone who tried to interfere with his legacy and private life in the way “outing” him would. I feel like all that came before would look like the golden period, by comparison to the future.
Also, HG has mentioned in an interview (don’t recall which one) that someone had said to him, “You sound like HG Tudor.” I believe the context of this was when he was checking into a hotel. He responded with, “Who’s that?” The individual believed him. And HG probably congratulated himself on his cleverness once he was away from that person.
Well done on paying attention, Dani.
Dani,
This was an interesting comment all around.
“They may know him as a loner or someone who has rolled his eyes repeatedly when they talk about social media.”
Re: social media – I have wondered this myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if the real HG comes off as someone who rejects social media wholesale. It would be convincing, especially if you add in the fact that it appears he is old school in many ways (hand written letters on fine paper, a lover of books, etc.). It would also be a great way of hiding in plainsight – something we know that narcissists excel at.
Hi Who Cares!
I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes off that way either. Just the way he said (in essence), and regarding what you mentioned, “hand-written letters on fine paper, lover of books, etc.”
HG is classy. I think women of any age would be over the moon to be treated that way. It feels special in a very different way, getting a hand-written letter, as opposed to getting a cute meme shared on social media. It’s personal. It’s not put out there for the world. It would feel that it is just for her. It’s the time that it takes to write it, and the thought that would be perceived as having gone into it. And depending on how it is delivered…there are just so many layers to it…
I feel like he may have used them when younger to get information or entertainment or other manipulations. It sounds like Alastor has the HG stamp of approval for getting him all the information now.
“It would also be a great way of hiding in plainsight – something we know that narcissists excel at.”
And HG is the Ultra…so could we expect less than HG’s high quality?
Mr. Tudor–
I like paying attention to you. I pay attention, and I learn things. I pay attention, and I feel impressed, astonished, and, not infrequently, stupefied by your cleverness, powers of observation, and rapid thinking.
I think you would be completely captivating to watch in action, whether in a boardroom or casino or a life and death game of cat and bigger cat. I would imagine you as a metaphorical tiger. The biggest and strongest and exceedingly clever and so flashy in those fancy stripes but blending so beautifully in their environment…You’d interact with others…like this…https://tenor.com/view/kaa-shere-khan-tiger-snake-cant-be-bothered-gif-18024734
I’m so grateful I found your content. I’m in a better place with some of the problematic relationships in my life now that I’ve found you. I would not have achieved this without you. Thank you so much for everything, sir.
Maybe HG really has multiple personality disorder?
The main is of course in control, the narcissitic psychopath.
The others, well who knows?
Would explain the different accents.
I am of course just kidding. But maybe there is some truth in it?
Or Jekyll and Hyde?
Dani and K,
I noticed HG’s voice is different in his personal videos on instagram, when he’s speaking to some people, my observations and thoughts also come from HG mimicking other accents on his YT videos and the fact that he has said, he has many facades , so it would make sense for HG to have many accents..and be hard for people, in his many personal lives, to recognize HG’s voice. HG is just one of his facades. …my thoughts and LT. Xx
Hi HG,
Since the commencement of my education on narcissism through your work, it now feels like I’m surrounded! Everywhere I look there is a narcissist. I know this isn’t the case, but if 1/6 of the population is narcissistic, there’s over a billion of them out there! It’s simply horrifying. I may become a hermit!
As you’ve mentioned in videos, I’ve also asked myself if I’m the unknowing narcissist. Am I blinded to my behaviours? But I don’t think so; I love. It does highlight to me where I need to improve though.
And this brings me to something I cannot comprehend. How does an unknowing narcissist think they are in love, but not actually be so? Where is the disconnect? How is it different to a normal/empath? If they think they’re in love, I suspect, on the whole, they are.
I mentioned under one of your TOW videos that it feels as though the jigsaw of the brain has had the empath piece removed and it’s been replaced by another piece in the wrong colour. I’ve refined this a little: it’s as though the empath piece has been removed and the narcissist piece has grown to fill the void. This then creates a film over the rest of the jigsaw, warping the picture. Does this sound about right? (Ref: Daniel Sloss for the Jigsaw theory – he was absolutely dating a narcissist!).
I’m pretty sure I’m working for a narcissist and have been in devaluation for quite some time now. It was great for about 6 months, then it changed. There is a golden child in the team who can do no wrong, even when she’s destroying other people’s work. She’s new, so it’s just a matter of time until she’s where we are.
I’ve begun the process of finding another position, but if it weren’t for her, I’d love to stay! Is there ANYTHING I, or another Team member, could do to stop them? They have systematically destroyed the morale of the Team and we’re all trying to leave. It feels like the narcissist always wins, even when they are obviously in the wrong. If they can’t learn, they can’t change, so they continue on their merry way, destroying everything they touch. How can we keep the Team together, and just get rid of the problem?
Yours in hope.
Dear HG
Have you thought about programming an AI Chatbot, so that people could chat on your blog to an AI that is like yourself providing help and information 24 hours a day?
The HG chatbot
with your dry humour as well?
No.
That is indeed a shame, and a very great loss
May have given the chance for immortality in a sense.
However, rethinking probably for the best for it could prove dangerous.
When you walk into a room of people you don’t know, are you able to sense an empath prior to speaking with them?
Yes.
Dear HG,
Am I thinking correctly, in thinking that if I remain silent, narcs can’t tell I’m a HSP, and so it’s the virtue of silence? Is there a body language I need to be mindful of too? I remember LMRS would say, I had a graceful walk and warm smile….Was I really give clues, or was that just manipulation on his part? Xx
Thanks for your replies and time, HG xx
Your body language, facial expression and the look in your eyes may well betray you even if you have managed to stop your gums from flapping.
In addition to expression, body language, and the looks in our eyes, I find I can now recognize empaths in the small gestures and accommodations that are instinctive and directed at others – such as, almost immediate gasping or sucking in of air at someone (or even reaching out with an arm in attempt to assist) who just tripped/fell/hurt themselves, or automatically accommodating others in close quarters, like a narrow hallway, or elevator…it just comes naturally. A narcissist may, performatively, do the same thing (for the benefit of onlookers) but they will just as often – or more often, be obstructive, take up more space than normal, etc.
I find it is small, natural and considerate actions that are often the tells of an empath – things they may not even be aware that they do.
Hi WhoCares,
I lost your other comment, so I’m saying “hi” on this one. Hope you’re well.
Dear HG,
What gives us away? Xx
Hope you’re feeling better xx
How. I heard Vaknin say he has an eery uncanny way of scanning people. He says he sees the wounds and weaknesses in their eyes.
Is this the same with you? What do you see? Can you describe?
Is it like the emptiness we should detect in your eyes?
That is so hard (for me).
Can we defend ourselves o_0?
Read “Sitting Target”.
Is it the sparkle in our eyes, the open mouth and dribbling when we see you ?
(I do not dribble of course)
Sending you copious amounts of love HG
HG,
My Empath Detector results explained the answer to my question.
I am so grateful for your work!
Carole and Rebecca—
I agree with you Carole. I think HG recognizes us by our eyes…I reckon we look a bit like this:
https://gifdb.com/images/high/sailor-moon-heart-eyes-df0kbvjisho655bz.gif
If an empath resists, I imagine HG answers like this…
https://media1.tenor.com/m/vMgUYwT5s2AAAAAd/darth-vader-search-your-feelings.gif
Dani,
You’re spot on, on both video clips! They made me laugh and I agree with them. 😄😃xx
Brenda, I can also recommend Sitting Target. The book is also about how the narcissist approaches you, crosses boundaries. I never thought those lines were so intruding. I’ve been naive.
HG,
That was hurtful, sorry to say and not helpful.
Why are you sorry? Either write what you mean and stand by it or don’t, but stating sorry is pointless.
You received the answer. Empathic people flap their gums a lot, hence the observation. If you are going to get upset about a straight answer, I suggest you get a grip.
HG,
I said sorry because I’m sorry I found your reply hurtful and not helpful.
“Flapping gums” as you’ve chosen this expression HG, is far more related to narcissists babbling about themselves and not listening to the other person’s responses.
An empath above all a HSP, will feel free to express themselves as they believe being with a kind or similar peer.
It’s not about flapping their gums but about sharing informations and emotions, also energies. Which definitely isn’t only through words.
That’s how a narcissist don’t get HSP… Rebecca wasn’t upset.
Your term “flapping gums” by itself was hurtful.
Narcissists often don’t correctly read HSP’s wording:
We can use words that are connoting strong emotions. As we are sensing how most of people like us would feel inside as a consequence.
But we aren’t upset.
The term you’ve chosen for all empaths, is inaccurate and unfair.
“Flapping gums” isn’t appropriate. Connect is.
Narcissists don’t connect they pump the energy while flapping their gums. Or inquisitively asking (for ulterior gains).
Also Rebecca was sorry about generating a potential conflict with her response. Thence about the way you would have felt as a consequence… She was worried about your emotions/reactions. It’s instinctive (as is her short sentence’s formulation, it isn’t focus on her).
HSP are bubbles of connections. We always feel for others before ourselves. Sometimes not communicating at all about how we feel for not hurting. So be glad, she does with you!
From her perspective, being sorry wasn’t pointless. I concur with it.
I can’t help feeling sorry for telling you, you aren’t in the right (about how your own sensitivity would react to it maybe generating negative emotions within yourself). But I can’t help replying to this (I tried since last night).
Rebecca is correct.
Her HSP’s wording and perspective have to be understood as well.
Hello Rebecca,
A narcissist just needs to see the kind and authentic emotions in your eyes to know. These emotions are in larger doses than any other type of individuals.
The welcoming and non-judgmental first look we have for anyone is a giver!
From afar, as you’ve written the attitudes can be detected too.
Openness/tolerance and tactfulness of the individual can be seen in the behaviours, the way a person adresses to others or walk, respect the others’ personal space or for instance doesn’t impose their body but give ways to others.
I’m sending you warm-hearted energies xxx
(Not just a Thingy 😉
Empaths talk a lot, thus they are flapping their gums. It is an apt description and it amuses me to see you getting so bent out of shape about this description.
Rebecca, don’t give in to him! I also talk all the time, even to myself, and I don’t worry about it (although, sometimes I’m tired of myself).
Not only that, I love to bore Narcissists with my issues, when they are hoovering me and I don’t feel like continuing the interaction. I have a set of topics, that will make you withdraw in 3-5 minutes. I recommend: I’m worried about my child. I’m worried about my dogs. At work…
Ha ha ha 🙂
Actually, HG is right, although he didn’t call it that nicely.
And the most important. They are so bothered by boring chatter – but keep silent and they will hit your window like moths 🙂
And whatever you say then, will be the revealed truth and flowers will flow from your mouth and a symphony will play 🙂
Thank you for confirming my observation.
Oh! This really made me laugh, HG 🙂
Good, good, sir 🙂
As I recall he sees auras too. But I spot empaths quickly too. Not auras if my definition is correct. Empaths emote, smile, radiate kindness in their eyes. The eyes is the give away. The warmth. The kindness. A soulfulness. They listen. They care. They often have pets. Love. They embody love. Of course talking to an empath is a dead give away. I met a neighbor the other day. I have “ known” her a long time as she has a cat and dogs. She is middle aged, dresses funky, hair changes color. I stopped to chat. Quickly into the conversation she told me her only son had died 11 years ago and yesterday was the anniversary of his death. Another neighbor lost her son recently. I asked her since it’s been 11 years if she had any advice on how to cope or what to say to help the other neighbor. . She said there is nothing you can do. I asked about grief counseling and she said she went but ended up helping everyone and the emotional burden was too much. She described herself as a “ caring person.” She has her furry children and was spending 4000$ on blood transfusions for her elderly dog as “ family.” She cried, I hugged her and told her she was inspiring and amazing and for what it’s worth I felt the deceased are still with us and around us. She agreed and smiled. Hands down an empath. I don’t know why but something about me has people sharing their deepest concerns or losses. I didn’t find it odd that this conversation took place BUT I wish there was more I could do to help a mother who lost a child. I think it’s the hardest loss of all. Unimaginable. My other neighbor I periodically give gifts since the day her son died with the words “ hugs.” i didn’t really know her well either but she shared it with me the day it happened and was in shock. Lost. We have become good pals since but I don’t bring the topic up leaving it to her to mention as quite frankly I don’t know what to say. She says she has kept every card and note and has them on her fridge. All I knew to do was let her know she is valued and cared for and not alone. If I could do more I would. It’s heartbreaking. The worst.
Hello again Sonya: I would add that when I think of an empath, I think of an older woman who smiles with warmth and wisdom but men are interesting empaths too. I think they are a bit harder to read in an instant because of societal conditioning. My son for example is a marine, a soldier. He a boxer too. A man’s man. He likes to talk of thinking logically and is very disciplined in a military way. Practical too. Even before I met HG ‘s work my son would say think with your head not with your heart. So you would think… why do I find him to be an empath. Yes, I am mom. But he is such a loyal caring friend, the guy who will give you a ride in the last minute no questions asked. He is popular in the marines rising to the top. I just know his “ brothers” know he is a man you can rely on, a man with integrity, someone who would never leave a man behind. He’s tough but fair. The words kind and compassionate bring to mind more of a nurse type and that’s not my son but rather deep seated values that would come to play if ever needed. Ethical and just. As an attorney I see this in judges. I try to chose the just, fair, neutral judge not the tyrant or egotist. Many judges are men but it’s changed a lot. Again, judges aren’t what springs to mind when you think empath but the wise, fair, just ones are even if stern and taught to be emotionless or less so. It’s seen in the eyes. It’s always the eyes for me even before speech. Since HG I use the labels and have a greater understanding like all of us students of his. He is invaluable … what about you? Do you spot empaths well? How do? Thank you!
Hi Contagious,
Thank you for your description. I am also a majority Contagion Empath.
I pick up a lot of energy at once so I have to ground myself before I go anywhere where there are a lot of people. As you said, it’s the eyes, body language.
I am an older woman and I had the misfortune of an upper Mid-Range father. My mother was an empath.
I believe my intuition now, when I was younger I would run straight past my intuitive feeling and into the arms of the first narcissist around, ha ha!
Now I trust my gut feelings about people. It takes a long time for me to let anyone get to close.
My husband of 20yrs is an empath and when we first met I felt the deep seated nature of his beliefs, as you described, and his eyes were full of kindness.
Being a contagion is a blessing but it is often a heavy burden.
One last thought, Sonya, but I link owning a pet as an empath tip off. Seeing someone lovingly devote themselves and sacrifice for an animal seems like something an empath would do. HG has stated he doesn’t care for pets. BUT we have all seen a narc with a dog or pet. Mistreating the animal. Animal rescue shows have uncovered many of them. Does a narc get a pet for fuel and control? Sickens me to think so. Some may just get a pet by default but there are some who don’t. My ex is a midrange lesser by the tutorscope. He loves dogs. He even walks a disabled owners dog for free and gets quite attached. It’s personal relations he sucks at. lol. Perhaps he wants to be seen as a good person but I think it is also fuel. The dog doesn’t talk back either just adores him unconditionally. Perhaps I answered my own question but it disturbs me to think of narcs getting pets even if my ex is a wonderful pet owner and lover of dogs. In fact it’s weird since narcs have no empathy how he can shower such care and devotion on the four legged angels versus people. Odd?
Interesting. I could see a narc using a pet for triangulation. Perhaps keeping family members under control during life through financial manipulation and promises of inheritance only to will all the estate to the cat at the appointed time.
Or maybe teaching a parrot to say, “Nevermore,” then gifting it to an enemy?
Or getting a new dog with the live in IPPS and giving it the same name as the IPPS? And showering it with better presents than the IPPS?
Or replacing all the IG photos of the narc and the IPPS with images of the narc and the box turtle? Those live a long time.
I’m actually liking this.
This is for Allison but there was no reply option under her comment. A narcissist can and will use a toothpick to triangulate, if it serves their purpose at that moment. They are quite capable of doing so with an animal and if they own the animal it can be a very common occurrence.
All the narcs I’ve been involved with have had animals and have used them to triangulate me or others. Most did not mistreat the animals but were not necessarily affectionate to them either. Some did mistreat them and would then deny or minimize it.
Contagion,
I think some NPD’s are decent pet owners but my experience has been that they utilize an animal for their primary aims. An example, my father has two dogs he uses for bird hunting. He is kind to them but they are not allowed in the house and he spends little time with them in the winter. They sleep in the garage, so they have shelter, he makes sure they are fed and have water and he pets them and mostly uses a nice voice when doing so but he screams at them a lot when they aren’t listening.
I have had animals all of my life, every dog and cat I’ve owned are rescues.
They live in the house with us and are family to me. I would much rather be around animals than people.
Birds and squirrels come to me when I am on our deck, some of the birds come right up and eat food from the feeder right next to where I sit. When I speak to them they will look at me as if they understand what I’m saying and they seem to let me finish speaking before they fly-most of the time, the second my husband comes out they are in the sky.
I certainly agree with youth at animal lovers being a tip off that an individual is an empath. I do believe a lot of narcs have pets, so I wouldn’t assume a person is normal or empathic just because they have a pet.
I’m glad your ex is good to dogs, it is weird that some narcs are kind to animals but awful with humans I don’t understand it at all.
I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of people being cruel to animals.
I wouldn’t like a chatbot version of HG. There’s no blog substitute for HG that/who could advance beyond mediocrity by comparison to the Ultra in my view.
I agree.
HG,
The human mind is still better than any AI, especially your mind, HG xx AI can’t understand human complications and how sometimes we do things that aren’t logical and sometimes unexpected and downright crazy….no AI has a way to go, before doing what we humans can do. Xx
Mr. Tudor,
1. Would it offend your sense of control to not know everything that was being said via the blog and what advice was being given, on the blog, essentially in your name (were a Chatbot) involved if only at the times when you have extensive professional/personal commitments?
2. If you could place all your memories, knowledge, and life experiences into an android (like Data from Star Trek: TNG), at the end of your life, would you do so? Live on as a different kind of mechanical life-form?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated!
1. Yes, but more importantly to suggest a Chatbot can do what I can do is insulting.
2. Yes, I have stated as such previously.
Thank you, sir! I think it’s preposterous for anyone to think they can do what you do. In my experience, a therapist can only go so far in explaining abuse…whereas someone of your intellect, awareness, and who engages in the behaviors you do…it offers something wholly unique to all who are able to embrace it.
If you could choose between having an android body or having your consciousness permeate every nook and cranny of the internet, which would be preferable?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated!
I would have both since if one is able to permeate every nook and cranny, one could very readily occupy a vehicle such as an android body also.
Thank you, sir!
I don’t know, it could be quite amusing.
Of course there is no substitute.
However, there is a threat to control
An AI chatbot with limitless access could actually become even better, yes it could. This is a massive threat to control, so even if it was in a way “immortality”, this is a huge threat to control.
Better? well that would never be known unless one was created. It will never be so we will never know.
HG-
1. Yes, but more importantly to suggest a Chatbot can do what I can do is insulting.
How so? My guess is threat to your control.
Then I’m happy it has amused you!
Words have meanings. What they convey is the essence of it.
So from your perspective It is possible to say that you regularly flap your gums on Youtube?!
No, because what I state is of importance and I keep the majority of the videos between certain parameters length wise.
You’ve referred to it as “talking a lot” though…
Your work is of importance.
Some of your kind think your work isn’t of value (whatever their vapid reasons).
That’s only your perspective that empaths’ talks wouldn’t be.
You might have been trying to get some negative fuel from Rebecca.
Anticipating her reactions.
Still she is right and Joa too, about your word not being the most appropriate to social interactions or reality (generalization).
Saying someone flaps their gums or babbles away is derogatory no matter how you twist it.
A more sociable approach, vocabulary-wise too?
You are thinking I would care, I do not. If someone is unable to deal with a description that is applicable to empaths generally that was hardly offensive, contained no profanity and is accurate, they need to get a grip.
“what I state is of importance”. This is why when we speak it is gum flapping and when HG speaks, from his perspective, it is not. I do not believe that HG is a gum flapper any more than I believe most humans, including most empaths, are, only those who literally won’t stop talking. But that is just my perspective.
Dear HG,
Thank you for clarifying what I took to heart and misunderstood what you were really saying. Xx My Geyser was really gushing over it, but when I calmed down and really read your comment, analyzed it, I got it. Thank you for the reminder of being a too open empath. Xx
Dear HG,
Thank you and I look forward to your answer about the three-way consultation. It would only be 30 mins for the three-way. I figure if she doesn’t accept the fact that MLSN is a narc in 30 mins, there’s no point of spending more time than that….What I thought was a reasonable time. What do you think? Thanks for your replies and time. Xx
TEA, every word has a meaning but not everybody means what they say.
It is the same as with; everybody has ears but not everybody listens.
Mr Tudor’s abilities on all fronts of; listening, observing, analysing and conveying a meaning, are above average, as you might find out, if you will continue to listen, read and process. And every one of his words HAS a meaning.
Rebecca is a long term reader and client of Mr Tudor and is familiar with the „flapping gum“ reference, from different angles (articles/videos/comments). And empaths in general put themselves in danger by revealing ALL what goes on through their mind (by flapping gums! without filtering) and become easy targets and victims.
TEA, you wrote – an empath will feel free to express themselves as they believe being with a kind or similar peer. But it is exactly the problem Mr Tudor addressed with his comment. It is when expression of themselves comes first instead of giving their gums a break and actually paying attention to whom they are opening up without any BOUNDARIES.
One of the improper pieces of advice to give, either you’re a newcomer or long term reader, is to insinuate to „not listen to him” and his indeed apt descriptions.
JordyGuin,
About your deformations of my comment and aim in that regard:
(“…” for your comments)
1. “every word has a meaning but not everybody means what they say.”
Irrelevant to the topic and you contradict yourself with your statement about HG Tudor always meaning what he says.
The topic is what HG has stated. So that line of yours is word salad.
2. “It is the same as with; everybody has ears but not everybody listens.”
Again irrelevant to the situation, word salad/beige and potentially passive-agressive as related to the narcissist incapacity of listening.
3. “And every one of his words HAS a meaning.”
BRAVO! Mind-blowing statement! but again irrelevant.
BTW every word has a meaning whoever uses them… another mind-blowing statement you can re-use later!
The USE itself of this word was in question, NOT HIS MEANING:
He himself stated it was indeed potentially “offensive” (adding “hardly” for defending his case, “hardly offensive” are his words. Adding he doesn’t care to deflect, hint he knows it wasn’t appropriate).
4. “And empaths in general put themselves in danger by revealing ALL what goes on through their mind (by flapping gums! without filtering) and become easy targets and victims.”
Anyone having the minimal learning about what means “generalization” would understand why there’s no need to comment on that line.
5. “TEA, you wrote – an empath will feel free to express themselves as they believe being with a kind or similar peer. But it is exactly the problem Mr Tudor addressed with his comment”
Again irrelevant.
Deformation by extraction. That line was part of the introduction of my comment not the litigious topic itself.
The topic is about the negative connotation of his chosen words “flapping their gums” which means babbling with words considered as vacuous as they would have VERY LITTLE MEANING
His reason of mentionning the presupposed effusive talking is obvious, in his reasoning=> NOT THE TOPIC.
6. “One of the improper pieces of advice to give, either you’re a newcomer or long term reader, is to insinuate to „not listen to him” and his indeed apt descriptions.”
It is nowhere near the content of my writings which are transparent and straighforward.
But you’re insinuating indeed… “apt descriptions” which you can fully apply to your mindset! flapping your gums!
He says himself not caring but trying to be more sociable.
Paying attention not to insult someone with an offensive comment is the topic. Not being unfair as well.
Whatever if it’s hardly offensive or not.
That’s a part he could work on, even not caring.
What counts is the result on the persons who are authentics…
Hopefully you can listen better than you can comprehend a discussion.
Being straightforward would avoid you the purport of passive-agressivity in your remarks. Again if you can!
Fully assuming the acerbity.
You mean defamation, not deformation.
The topic was not about an offensive comment. The topic was pointing out that many empathic individuals (not all) have a propensity to say too much, i.e. they flap their gums and this creates problems for them, one of which there is too much say and not enough do, something which is entirely applicable to the initial recipient of my observation.
The extent to which offence has been taken to what is a mild comment is rather interesting and ultimately only goes to prove my observation correct.
HG,
So many empaths are shy or introvert.
It isn’t accurate that talking a lot generally apply to empaths.
Using vacuous words either. Nor it applies to all narcissists.
Writing this one word observation doesn’t change the important value of your work.
Hoping you’re not going in the authoritarian absolutism that it means I denigrate the full body of your work!
It isn’t insulting your excellence.
If so, well then…get a grip!
See “The Virtues of Keeping Your Mouth Shut”.
HG, Tea and Jordyguin,
I am too open and transparent, and I do share too much. I’m too ready to help and please. HG is right, it just hit hard. I understand. Xx
I understand, sweetheart. And I know that you know what’s behind this.
(Why did it hit hard? Because the empath is exposed to narcs in her private and professional environment and she can’t breathe free of their influence – which causes her ET to rise and she perceives and operates through emotions first. Her logic-defense is challenged repeatedly and things will hit her emotionally and so her reactions and responses will be –> Fuel to the narcs wherever they surround her.)
Sometimes there is also a benefit if things hit hard. Gives you strength also! Don’t worry about that.
You’ll be fine, dear! HugsXx
I wanted to write that the most important thing is how Rebecca will deal with the term used by HG. Will she push this growing ball of dung like a dung beetle, or will she look at it and move on.
But Rebecca beat me to it and settled the matter. Smart girl! 🙂
She has done so by apologising as she misunderstood what was meant by my observation.
TEA,
Hopefully you will find whatever it is you came here for. Understanding and learning more about HG’s work, HG himself, narcissists and empaths.
Wish you a productive and interesting time!
Hi Jordyguin:
Two observations. First, empaths are good listeners.
Second, they are inclined to trust someone because they are trustworthy. So HG is correct an empath might unwittingly share something a narc would not. Is that so bad being open and trusting? It could lead to “ gum flapping” as a predator would see it but it could also lead to human compassion and sharing, binding and love. To me it’s all a matter of context and perspective. Take Donald Trump, ever meet a narc more gum flapping? lol
Contagios, Trump is very entertaining, though:)))
To your observations. Empaths are all the good things you mentioned, there is no dispute about that. Are they good listeners? It depends, I would say.
Being a good listener must include the ability of spotting the eventual red flags and certain behavior in a person. If the empaths can’t do that – it may lead to bad outcomes for them, their families and life in general. If empaths (or normals) are in certain positions of responsibility. For instance Lucy Letby killing babies could have been avoided if she were spotted earlier. Which shows how difficult it is in fact. Also unpredictable as some are so good at masking and facade.
Is that so bad being open and trusting? I think it’s not bad at all if you have it under control and measure it wisely. Which will be different depending on the circles you move in and people you meet.
And it depends on the school and cadre of the empath and how they go about this process consciously and subconsciously. Their susceptibilities and vulnerabilities. Their strength and possibilities of developing this strength even further.
Dear HG and Jordyguin,
Jordyguin, you’re right, it hard because I’m currently married to MLSN and I deal with more narcs at work, I see their behaviors that HG taught me to look out for. I spend as much time away from MLSN as possible, even doing some friend time, alone time, whenever I can….it’s difficult sometimes when he’s invited along at some events because my bestie refuses to see him as a narc and invites him along too. My current issue, that and GOSO isn’t able to happen right now, due to issues that only HG knows. Xx
HG, I’m hoping to do a consultation with you, my bestie and I, half the time for the three of us and the other half with just her dealing with her narc boyfriend. I’m hoping a threeway consultation is doable? Thanks for your time and replies. Xx
Yes, such a consultation is feasible with the appropriate fee structure.
Why would a narcissist ghost but not block? Does that mean they plan to come back?
The narcissist is engaging in the shelf dynamic. The appliance is left on the shelf (ghosted) but there is no need to issue a silent treatment through blocking or disengage through blocking. The narcissist is likely to be unaware and therefore would not be planning to come back because their entire focus is in the moment. Of course, as I have made clear time and time again, there is ALWAYS a risk of a hoover, i..e there is always a risk of a narcissist returning.
Hi HG, I just posted a question and while listening to the Ask HD Series, I heard in Episode 5, part 2 about how Narcissists are plentiful in the BDSM scene. I had great sex with my ex, and I was a bit BDSM curious. Bondage and giving up control, was what I liked to explore. IRL I have lots of responsibilities, and to be free of them for a while was liberating, strangely enough.
BUT: He was a bit reluctant. He said: because he cares about me and even looked a bit insecure how to handle this.
This seems a bit off. He worked in the military, and had to me a friendly and caring nature. I was never called names or taken down, he was full of compliments and proud of me, so it seemed. All the lying, passive aggressiveness, defectiveness and triangulation (always made me fight for attention somehow) was the reason for me to GOSO & implement NC.
He was not a cerebral. And after all your videos I suspect him to be a middle mid range crybaby. He used the sympathy symphonies to control me.
But not 100% sure. Probably Somatic.
Why did he not fully engage? So much control given freely!
Hope my question is clear, English is not my first language 🙂 Thank you, HD!
I would need more information from you to provide you with the detailed response you deserve and therefore would invite you to organise an audio consultation to discuss this.
I’m a bit further in my Narc-study and after talking to his ex wife, it was probably control by not giving me what I asked.
He never said to me ‘I love you’ while he knew I wanted to hear it.
He said it to his ex the whole day, she told him to stop because words lose value if you keep throwing them around like confetti.
So probably it was control by doing the opposite. You guys dupe us in so many ways!
Meanwhile I still think he is midrange because of the facade. Sulking and pity plays are his thing, so perhaps MMRB, although crybaby and somatic are a strange match.
And Somatic, he is in good shape for his age, proud of it, asking me about his body, interested in sex…. and too lively to be a Victim (and if he was ill or hurt his ankle he would not squeeze that out for attention, (rather go to work to show off how tough he is) and too dumb/ uninterested for a Cerebral. I like the puzzle!
I’m probably going to do a consultation in the future, but still thinking what I’d really want and to need to know to heal. What answers you could give me that my therapist can’t.
He as a person is not interesting for me anymore, he’s a clown and I laugh at him.
But I want to talk about what my flaws were, and how to handle this in the future.
Thank you for your time and making is understand and learn. I really appreciate it!
Question for my Fav Narcissist:
Hello HG, I was listening to an earlier ‘Ask HG’ when my question arised:
You said that sometimes you find a Narcissist through your detectors. If they are completely new to you, you’ll find out after 15 minutes.
Do you tell them? How do they respond? Will they actually develop awareness? And, you likeminded souls, do you recognise eachother? Greetings from Holland!
If the empath detector provides the result of narcissist, the individual is told. No, they will not develop awareness.
I’m so curious. Do they deflect? Deny? Call you a fraud?
How do they react? Telling you you’re wrong? Would like to hear how they wriggle. 😬
They tell me that I am wrong or they submit a fresh detector.
Serious question HG- do you tell false flaggers they’re narcs, or just send them the “empath” results and let them be deluded?
They seriously do that? Even though it is soooo expensive?
That in itself proves they are a narcissist
“Oh it must be wrong so I shall do another”
Either that or a fool.
Mr. Tudor,
1. What’s the maximum number of times that someone who has gotten the narc result on the ED filled out a subsequent ED?
2. Have they tried using separate emails along with completely new answers on the test?
3. Is a particular school/cadre of MRN more prone to asserting control directly by sending a fresh detector as opposed to using the third assertion of control?
Thank you so much for your time, sir. Much appreciated!
1. 4 times.
2. No.
3. No.
Thank you, sir. Much appreciation!
Mr. Tudor says, “If the empath detector provides the result of narcissist, the individual is told.”
If I may, I have some follow up questions.
Would this amount to wounding or challenge fuel? I assuming wounding because you’re delivering the result without emotion. Would I be correct in assuming that?
Have you ever had someone erupt in heated fury? If so, how did the heated fury manifest and how did you handle it?
After submitting a fresh detector and the result is narcissist again, how do they react? Do they withdraw at that point?
I remember in a Doug interview you said False Flag Empath could be a result as well. If that happens, could you give an example of how they may react?
Thank you for your time, Mr. Tudor. Thank you for taking us off the shelf as well.
It would wound.
Yes, in writing. I ignored them.
Some have.
Thank you for your response, Mr. Tudor.
I think a false flag Empath is a Narc? In that case they would respond as a narc I guess?
Hi Brenda,
I don’t know if its clear that the False Flag empath is a narc. The way I understood it is that they tried to trick the detector by choosing what they thought was the correct answer. I can almost see an empath doing that too.
Dear HG,
I’m curious, do the narcs you consult with try convincing you that you’re wrong, or do they just disregard your analysis, continue the consults and act like it never happened? Do they continue consults with you?
Thanks for your time and reply xx
Most of the narcissists that consult with me have not undertaken the EDC, therefore they have not been told they are a narcissist. I recognise that they are because of their behaviour in consultation.
Dear HG,
That is so interesting that they’re not even curious about what they are, or at least it seems that way by the fact they haven’t done one yet. Could it be the price for them, or is it the lack of interest/ care in finding out?
Thanks for your time and replies. I appreciate you and your knowledge xx
Often they have decided what they are (part of their grandiosity) and deem they do not need to undertake anything else to establish what they are.
Dear HG,
I also found it interesting that my best friend was hesitant to do the EDC and she came back, normal, on the NDC I did on her. She said, that she knew, she wasn’t an empath. She said, she’s not highly emotional and sensitive like me, that she tells it like it is and has no empathy for strangers. She cares about friends and family, and that’s it. I have to say, she’s the first person to back me up and we joke about which one of us is carrying the shovel this time. 😄 She currently is having problems with her narc boyfriend. I told her to consult with you. I’d pay for it. I need to make arrangements with her and you. Xx
Dear HG,
Oh, they have the same attitude my narc husband has, he tells me…I know what I am, I’m normal, not a narc, don’t need anyone to tell me what I am.
I just let him rant. Xx
Thanks for your replies and time, HG xx
Mr. Tudor–
1. Have more narcissists who’ve consulted with you utilized the NDC than the EDC?
2. Have narcissist parents tried to use your materials to assist them in court proceedings to your knowledge?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
1. You cannot do the NDC on yourself.
2. Yes on many occasions and they have succeeded.
Mr. Tudor–
Regarding: Narcissists who would use the NDC. They would be putting their IPPS (most likely) through it. Not themselves.
1. What services do the narcs who come across your work most frequently utilize?
Regarding: Your materials helping narc parents get custody of their children. You’ve mentioned that narcissists who find your work are often unable to apply it.
2. What are the commonalities amongst narcissists who are able to accept and appropriately utilize your materials to achieve their aims over their former empathic partners?
3. Are there more commonalities amongst the narcs successfully using your work or more commonalities amongst the empaths successful narc users of your work were up against? i.e. The narcs are various midrangers but different cadres/subschools…but the empaths were predominantly standard empaths with saviour cadre.
You’ve said that you’ve had narcs fill out NDCs for their victims.
4. If a narcissist fills out an NDC for their empath IPPS, can you tell from the wording the narcissist uses and the evidence provided the most likely school/cadre of the empath described?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciation.
1. Audio consultation or generally pestering me in emails.
2. They do not use my materials to do this, their narcissism causes this.
3. N/A
4. Not from that information, I can tell they are not a narcissist and possibly they are an empath, it depends on the information provided.
Thank you, sir! Much appreciation!
I met the weirdest narc woman at a meetup in one country, we talked for hours with a 3rd woman who clearly was suffering in a relationship. with a narc, and she was unaware. The 1st woman was talking endlessly about narcs, and also about her website about it or whatever it is she is doing.
She wouldn’t accept anyone else speaking, and it was all about how she was a victim.
Then…. 3 years later… I met her in a different country at a different meetup, and she said she had been living where we had met, it was definitely her, but she completely denied it, also having discussed narcs, – even though she still kept talking about nothing but narcs, though the meetup was boardgames.
She put me down, denied, was extremely egocentric, etc., etc.
I just kept neutral, I didn’t care beyond the way she talked to me.
Then…. she started a huuuge fuss about a comment in a local WhatsApp group…. and she was kicked out, mainly because she was known by everyone for behaving that way over and over, no matter how many warnings she had gotten.
These are 2 big cities now where she is known for her behaviour….
All while running around proclaiming how how she is a victim of a narcissistic relationship, and how she is an empath, and helping other empaths.
If one were to give her the benefit of the doubt, one would still have to say that obviously, over years, she didn’t become one bit calmer and more respectful of others, and would be in no position to advertise her help on social media. And she doesn’t let anyone even finish their sentences.
If she had a consultation about being and empath, and then being told she was a narc, I can only imagine her reaction. 😂
Fantastic question, Isabel. Thank you for asking it.
Thank you. What HG answered I already knew from the video’s I watched. I’m curious about how they respond. How do they deny, deflect, etc. I can imagine it is quite amusing for HG to have such a conversation.
And, more so, HG was once unaware of his Narcissism. He knew he was different and only because his then girlfriend shared her knowledge, HG could put a label on it.
I understand that Lesser and Midrange don’t gain awareness, but perhaps HG found a greater once? And if so, how did that go? Would love a video on that!
English is my second language, so perhaps I was not clear enough in my questioning 🙂
Hi Isabel,
Is this the same Isabel that used to be on the blog as Fiddleress? I don’t think so, but I wanted to make sure.
I’m curious about how narcs respond too. I’m also very curious about how they think. Lessers and mid rangers don’t know that they manipulate so what goes through their mind when they do??? It fascinates me.
I think I remember Mr. Tudor saying that a greater wouldn’t reach out to him since they know who they are already. They know they’re manipulating & calculating and that they’re puppet masters. So there would be no reason to complete an empath detector. At least that’s how I understand it.
Although, Mr. Tudor may have run into greaters in his profession. I’d be curious about how that went as well.
Hi Leigh, not the same 🙂
Well, once there was a time HG didn’t know exactly and I’m guessing there are more people born without ‘a manual’ so they perhaps do have awareness but not a label (yet)?
I can fully understand a greater knowing he is different but not Abel to find a label, a partner may point things out and then he finds out what he is.
I mean, I had a difficult childhood (at home and at school, sadly) and I’m in therapy now for about 3 years (still going strong) and I felt different from the world, couldn’t make sense of a lot of social behavior, and now I’m going to the roots of that. I felt alien then.
Recently I escaped a Narc, and I was seriously wondering if I am a Narc because I was adding up everything. I saw my behavior in retrospect and I saw where things were different. I used to look for validation for example, I thought often others were wrong and I was right, I thought the only one who could understand, was me.
So, that sounds a bit narcissistic, right?
Now I know I’m smart (IQ test was done), and others who did not understand me probably couldn’t grasp what I was meaning.
As a child (around 6 years, during the ’80s) I wondered if the solar system could be an atom and if it could be possible if all the galaxies were atoms and we all lived in a mega structure for example.
I was told I was crazy by my teacher.
I know now I’m probably not a Narc because I have full recollection, I never intentionally hurt someone and I see now what it was. I can and do reflect on what it was.
Life remains difficult at times and now I’m learning who I am, and how the world works. Kind of like starting out in life a bit autistic and now surfacing and able to connect so many dots. 🙂
HI Isabel,
I’m glad you found Mr. Tudor and you’re getting the help you need. When I first found narcsite, I thought was the narcissist too.
Are you and Brenda the same person? I ask because you’re gravatar is the same.
“Are you and Brenda the same person? I ask because you’re gravatar is the same.”
Smart 🙂 I am. I thought at first not to use my real name and thought later: Who cares, nobody knows. On this thread I used Isabel to avoid confusion. I’ll stick with Brenda from now on 🙂
I understand. Leigh isn’t my real name. I’m still ensnared and I prefer to protect my identity. I just wanted to make sure I was talking to the same person.
Hi Leigh,
I think my honesty gets me in trouble at times. My truthseeker trait also causes me trouble sometimes. At the end of the day, I’d rather be honest, than lie, even when it’s not wise to tell the truth. I should learn to just be quiet. Xx Hope you’re well. Xx
Rebecca,
That’s what i do, I keep my mouth shut and don’t share. Its easier. Omission is still dishonest though. But unless I feel safe, omission is the route I take.
Hi Leigh and WhoCares,
To explain things, my husband and I used to listen to HG together, until I started seeing his behaviors, I wondered am I married to another narc…again? So, i did the NDC on my husband and it came back MLS narc and my husband asked about it. I told him, my honesty trait working against me….he reacted the way I mentioned earlier….and I suggested to him, since he was so upset by it and he so much wanted to prove HG and i, wrong. I suggested to him to do the EDC and he got the same results. It’s how it all went down and why my honesty trait worked against me. If i had kept my mouth shut and not told him the truth…he wouldn’t know and I wouldn’t be dealing with him bad mouthing HG and telling me I’m wasting my time listening to HG etc. My honesty trait is strong and gets me in trouble at times. Xx Hope that explains it. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Before I knew my husband was a narc, sometimes I would discuss what I learned about narcissism with him too. I had to be careful though because of the initial reason I came to the blog so I didn’t want to share too much. Plus, my go to is to withhold information. It’s a defense mechanism so I don’t get hurt. I’ve been doing it my whole life. One day I hope to be able to be completely honest with someone. I have serious trust issues though. In this case it worked out for the best because it turned out my husband is a narc and he has no idea about Mr. Tudor and narcsite.
I do agree that the only way to have a genuine and authentic relationship, you have to be truthful. That’s how I figured my relationship with my husband wasn’t genuine. I always want to hide myself from him.
Rebecca,
Thanks for explaining. I see how that played out now, and I guess I find it entertaining that an MLS thought he could possibly be an empath. We know middle mid-rangers completely believe they are empathic individuals but I had never heard of the lesser school thinking of themselves that way.
Similarly, I listen to/talked about HG’s work with the friends I stayed with following escape (when I wasn’t at the women’s shelter) and the wife turned out to be a MMRN who, naturally, thought she was an empath. Sadly, I thought the same for a time.
Hi Leigh–
Definitely would be cool to hear about any greaters that Mr. Tudor has met!
And you said that omission is dishonest, too. Why do you feel that way?
Hope all is well.
Hi Dani,
I believe omission is dishonest because I’m withholding pertinent information and I do it on purpose. I don’t share my feelings because it might bite me in the ass. If I keep them hidden, I can’t be hurt. With that said, I do have people in my life that I’m comfortable with being open and honest. Its just few and far between. In my eyes, the very fact that I have to wear a mask and can’t have an open and honest relationship with my narc husband proves that the relationship isn’t genuine. I always had that feeling but then learning about narcissism and myself as an ACON and an empath, made my understanding why.
I’m well. Thank you for asking.
Hi Leigh and WhoCares,
Leigh, I do tend to be transparent and too open and honest. I didn’t get the same defense reaction as you, I guess it’s the type of hybrid empath I am. Xx
WhoCares,
HG told me that Middle Lessers have some Midrange traits and being told that he was a narc was a threat to his control. He knew about GOSO from HG’s work, so he knew what that meant for me and he still knows what it means for us. He felt threatened by that, so he fought the idea of him being a narc. He said, “you’re not leaving me over what this a**hole has to say aboit me. He doesn’t know me! He’s wrong!” So this MLSN feels a threat to his control and he denies being a narc. He says, he’s normal, not the nicest guy, but not a narc. He was expecting the EDC to come back Normal, not Narc. He couldn’t accept narc as the result. He doesn’t think he’s a nice guy, he just doesn’t think he’s a narc. Xx
Rebecca,
“He says, he’s normal, not the nicest guy, but not a narc. He was expecting the EDC to come back Normal, not Narc.”
Interesting, thank-you for explaining that.
HI Rebecca,
I think TS may be on to something. I think its based on attachment style. I avoid attachment as much as possible. Its probably based on how we were raised. My father left when I was 14. I didn’t know if he was dead or alive. He was just gone. One morning we woke up and mother told us he was gone. That was it. I didn’t see him for years after that. I think thats when I started to detach.
Leigh and WhoCares,
WhoCares, I’m sorry you had to deal with a MMRN so soon after escape. Xx I was afraid of that with my family, moving in with my aunts would have been a bad idea, one pan into another pan, so to speak… I feel bad for you having to live with another narc and a new one with new manipulations…How long did you stay with them and how long did it take to see her behaviors? If you don’t mind answering…xx
Rebecca,
I know exactly what you mean, one pan into another pan – or from the pan into the fire.
I didn’t realize she was a narc until sometime after my son and I got our own apartment and I went back to visit her. Time away, my Narcsite education, plus objectively observing how she treated her spouse allowed me to see a number of flags. Eventually, I did the NDC on her and HG confirmed that she is one. Oh well – I am ‘no contact’ with her now. It was quite disappointing because her husband is an empath and my son really cared for the both of them at one point. Thankfully, it’s been a long time since he’s asked to see them.
Leigh,
With reference to your comment about truthfulness and omission, have you ever found out your attachment style?
I was discussing this with a friend the other day in relation to his partner, so I then read up on it and took the test myself, more out of curiosity than anything else.
Dismissive Avoidant. Another string to my bow then haha!
I’d say the test is accurate, at least I thought the description was representative. If nothing else, it’s an interesting read. Xx
HI TS,
Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner, lol. Yes, I’ve taken the test and my attachment style is Dismissive Avoidant as well. What’s interesting though is that I do avoid attachment at all costs even though I truly long for genuine attachment.
Leigh and WhoCares,
Another thing MLSN said was that he knows he’s not mushy and over emotional like me.. …putdown to me from him, another indicator of a narc bshavoor check box…xx
Hi Leigh,
On your attachment profile I have a similar experience. My father was absent; I think I could probably count on one hand the number of days we actually spent together. Like you I long for closeness and attachment, but when it threatens to happen it feels awful. So I resist it. Your experience with the leaving of your father sounds shattering and very disruptive to your development path.
Hmm, Allison. Your comment spurred a thought. I wonder if it feels awful when feel attachment startling to happen because we sense something isn’t right? Maybe we intuitively know the person isn’t good for us, so we put a wall up.
It’s interesting about my father leaving. I met my narc husband 6 months after he left. I would agree that it disrupted my development path and caused me to make unsound decisions.
Hi Leigh,
Haha! You me made me laugh there. It does make a lot of sense doesn’t it? I actually try not to place too much emphasis on this type of test. It’s similar to Myers Briggs, I see the results as representative rather than set in stone necessarily. Too often, tests like this imply certain types as positive or negative. I don’t see it that way. Traits and behaviours can be positive or negative depending on situation. Situations change. These tests can provide a steer as to behaviours but again, behaviours can change.
Overall, I think they give us food for thought. I still maintain that the EDC and TDC are far more in depth. Those tests go beyond the behaviours and reveal the true operating system beneath. To me, that’s more useful in determining exactly who we are. I did think the attachment style test was useful as regards that one aspect though.
Xx
Hi TS,
I agree that those tests give us food for thought. They can help me see things about myself and then help me decide if I want to change those things or not.
I’ve done the Myers Briggs test as well. I’m INTJ. I can be judgy, lol. I’d like to change that a little. That’s definitely something I’m working on.
I saw your comment to Joa about your mom and how she will use your words against you at a later point. That’s a huge pet peeve of mine. Once someone does that to me, the wall goes up.
Hello Leigh!
You asked: “Hi Isabel,
Is this the same Isabel that used to be on the blog as Fiddleress?” You have the answer, but when I read this, I thought I would say hi !
I’m still reading here, though not commenting much at the moment. So I take this opportunity to say I have not forgotten you or any of the people I have chatted with.
I hope you are keeping well.
Thank you, Isabel! Nice to hear from you and I hope you’re keeping well too.
Hello, Leigh,
Do you feel that omission is dishonest if you know that honesty would be the last thing that the person you are interacting with would appreciate? Do you find omission preferable to potential confrontation?
Glad to hear that all is well!
Hi Dani,
I really like your questions!
If I know that someone can’t hear what I’m about to say, yes, I will omit and I may even agree with them. I’ve found with narcissists, they only want to hear their version of the truth.
Not all the time but yes, I do find omission preferable to potential confrontation. That goes back to narcissists only wanting to hear their version of the truth so its just easier not to share.
My original comment though, was about me. I withhold information about myself on purpose. There’s two reasons I do that. The first reason is to protect. I don’t want them to know the real me. If they don’t know me, then I’m not vulnerable. My second reason is a bit more narcissistic and it doesn’t happen with everyone. It usually happens with people who have hurt me in the past. It gives me power knowing that the other person is missing an important piece of information about me. Its how I get back at them in my mind.
Hey Leigh,
I think most of us can be judgemental at times. We aren’t perfect. Most of the time though, are you judgy, or are you insightful?
I was chatting to my empath friend today about my being cynical. He questioned the cynical part and has a different view on it.
Self perception can be vastly different than the perception others have of us. The truth is probably to be found somewhere in the middle, where it usually is!
You might be talking to the wrong person about being judgy though. INFJ here, haha!
Xx
Hi TS,
Alexis Smith said to me once that we often don’t have empathy for ourselves. I think that’s our biggest problem. It skews our self perception. We take our attributes and see them as a negative. If we were looking at them in someone else though, we wouldn’t see it as a negative. Maybe you’re not cynical, maybe your perceptive or discerning. If we had a little more empathy for ourselves, we may see ourselves very differently.
Hi Leigh,
“I really like your questions!” — Thank you! I’m really enjoying your answers. Lots to think about.
“I’ve found with narcissists, they only want to hear their version of the truth.” — I agree, and there are circumstances beyond narcissist/empath interactions where that remains true, too.
Leigh said: “My original comment though, was about me. I withhold information about myself on purpose. There’s two reasons I do that. The first reason is to protect. I don’t want them to know the real me. If they don’t know me, then I’m not vulnerable. My second reason is a bit more narcissistic and it doesn’t happen with everyone. It usually happens with people who have hurt me in the past. It gives me power knowing that the other person is missing an important piece of information about me. Its how I get back at them in my mind.”
1. Does refusing to share ever cause you to end up in uncomfortable or miserable situations? e.g. You loathe Polish food, but you end up going to Polish restaurants to please a friend/family member/etc. (I know that isn’t the most personal, but it can be stretched to fit into increasingly more uncomfortable situations.)
2. Do you think that total openness is necessary to have in any close relationship, be it romantic, familial, or friendship?
In terms of your second reason, it makes sense. Depending on the level of pain that person caused, why give them the opportunity to continue?
3. However, e.g. if you never tell someone that you don’t like church, (that pastor is a unholy narcissist), yet they continue pestering you to attend and you keep going because you won’t tell them your thoughts about it…at what point do you feel responsible for your misery as you’re listening to a rant about how people need to give the pastor their every last dime (even if they’re impoverished and can’t buy food)?
From what I’ve read on Narcsite, it seems a common empathic problem. Not universal, but common.
4. Do you withdraw internally from a situation like that above or take action to escape the physical situation?
5. Regarding mental escape vs physical escape, are you likely to favor one over the other dependent upon your relationship with the other person involved more (you love them) or more based on potential backlash (you’ll get a week long witch-fit)?
Hi Dani,
Ok, those are some hard-hitting questions, lol!
1. I’m selfish also. (I don’t how I tested positive for empath, lol). There are times that I will do things that I don’t like to do to appease a friend. But more often than not, I’ll tell someone if I don’t want to do something.
2. I don’t think total openness is completely necessary. It would just be nice to have that option to be able to have an open dialogue with someone. I don’t want to share every thought that’s in my head but I don’t want to have to put on a mask and hide behind a false persona either. The big thing for me is that I don’t like my thoughts to be dismissed. When someone does that, the wall goes up immediately.
3. This goes back to me being selfish. I have no problem telling someone I don’t like or don’t want to do something. But if I decide to do it anyway, then I try to make the best of it. Misery isn’t something I experience. But if I’m unhappy in a situation, I may physically or internally withdraw. My marriage is a perfect example. There I’ve withdrawn internally.
4. see above
5. This is a tough one. I actually don’t know what would cause me to go one way or the other. I will say I tend to internally withdraw. But I’ve also removed myself physically from a situation. I can’t say for sure what causes the different reactions.
Hi Dani,
I thought about number 5 a little bit and in order to answer it accurately, I wanted to explain how withdrawal happens for me.
I’m an introvert until I’m not. Lol! I love talking and sharing thoughts and ideas. But I can’t do it unless I’m comfortable with someone. Once I’m comfortable though, I want to share as much as possible. So if I’ve gotten to a place where I’m sharing with you and then you dismiss me, the wall starts to go up again and I start sharing less and less. At some point, I’ll stop sharing all together. I won’t initiate face to face conversations, phone calls or texts. I’ll also stop spending time with that person. It can happen with any relationship. Since learning about narcissism, the wall goes up quicker.
I will say this though, I’m willing to work on the wall if I know the person isn’t a narcissist. I have a dear friend who is an empath and I’ve let my wall down for her. And let me tell you, it wasn’t an easy task, lol. But she was patient because she knew my history. That’s why I know open and honest is possible and why I prefer it.
Hi, Leigh–
Yes, I think sometimes it’s because I sense a red flag. But, in cases where the other person is healthy or normal, I think my discomfort stems from my own schooling in chaos. Danger was so normal to me that when it’s absent and genuine connection is about to happen it feels abnormal because it is for me. I have a lot of ambivalence about human intimacy and the like because it’s truly alien. An interaction with a decent, normal person can feel extremely disturbing even as I crave it.
Hi Allison,
I agree. Attachment and connection feels completely alien to me as well. I didn’t trust it either. It wasn’t until I found narcsite and Mr. Tudor that I started to understand why. Both my parents are narcs so I have a skewed view. I lived in denial for a very long time. It’s not an easy task but trusting someone can be done.
Hey Leigh,
I think Alexis made a very good point. I recognise that’s she’s right, because I see others misrepresent themselves sometimes. I think it’s tougher when we apply the same thinking to ourselves, we don’t tend to see it somehow.
I’m glad things are still going well with your empath friend. I think that friendship might prove to be a solid foundation on which to build.
Xx
Hi Dani,
Ok, those are some hard-hitting questions, lol! — I think too much. *innocent smile*
1. Being selfish to a degree can be a good thing. It prevents misery in many cases. And you can be high in narcissistic traits, and higher yet in empathic traits. It just means you’re full of wiles.
Leigh said: “I don’t want to have to put on a mask and hide behind a false persona either. The big thing for me is that I don’t like my thoughts to be dismissed. When someone does that, the wall goes up immediately.”
That makes sense to me. No reason to share thoughts with someone who dismisses them or doesn’t bother to listen to them in the first place. I do better recognizing one over the other.
5. This is a tough one. I actually don’t know what would cause me to go one way or the other. I will say I tend to internally withdraw. But I’ve also removed myself physically from a situation. I can’t say for sure what causes the different reactions.
Leigh: “I wanted to explain how withdrawal happens for me.” — Thank you, Leigh. I appreciate that.
Leigh: “I’m an introvert until I’m not. Lol! I love talking and sharing thoughts and ideas. But I can’t do it unless I’m comfortable with someone. Once I’m comfortable though, I want to share as much as possible. So if I’ve gotten to a place where I’m sharing with you and then you dismiss me, the wall starts to go up again and I start sharing less and less. At some point, I’ll stop sharing all together.”
1. Can it feel like a roller coaster ride by analogy?
2. Can/could someone dismiss you, then apologize (if they were just having a rough day) and resume as you were after a short while?
3. Do/did you feel there is or was a certain threshold before the point of ceasing the initiation of face to face conversations, phone calls or texts?
4. To keep with the roller coaster analogy, do you feel after this full withdrawal more like you completed the ride or that it stalled at some point and you’re exiting somewhere other than where the ride is meant to exited?
5. Have people noticed and questioned your withdrawing internally or physically from them?
Leigh: “Since learning about narcissism, the wall goes up quicker.”
You are an empath. A narc-magnet. It’s good that you’re getting better at protecting yourself faster. Let that wall be as Stitch in this gif…
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/49/11/1f/49111f6f2197d38979e5a4b6d09cdfaa.gif
“I have a dear friend who is an empath and I’ve let my wall down for her. And let me tell you, it wasn’t an easy task, lol. But she was patient because she knew my history. That’s why I know open and honest is possible and why I prefer it.”
Many things that are worth it are difficult. I’m glad that you have a good friend who was patient and helped you get to that point. I think people needs friends like that in their lives.
Hi Dani,
1. It’s not really a roller coaster because I’m the one put the wall up. Once it’s up, it can be difficult to get down so there’s not a lot of up and down.
2. Now that I understand about narcissism, I’m more willing to forgive if I know the person I’m dealing with is a non narc.
3. The threshold is low. It’s very difficult for me to trust so the wall can go up quickly. No, I don’t think I’ve ended something to soon once I’ve distanced myself. It’s easy for me to detach.
5. Yes, some have asked me what’s was going on when I’ve withdrawn from them. I usually make up some lie because at that point, I don’t think it’s worth addressing it.
Thank you, Leigh!
Hi Isabel and Leigh,
If you don’t mind and if it’s ok by HG…I’d like to answer your question.
When my husband, a Middle Lesser Somatic Narc, found out his Empath Detector came back with a negative result….He was mad, called HG an idiot, a fraudster and other names….denied it, refused to believe it and blew HG off. Harped on it for a while and said, “You can’t go by a test like that! How does he know what I am?! He’s full of sh**!” And he slammed a few items down and went outside. He sulked, fumed and threw names out and then called me a fool for paying for the Empath Detector, that he wanted to do, to prove to me and HG that his Narc Detector was wrong about him. He then said, the Empath Detector was wrong too.
HG found his reaction amusing and I have to honestly say, I did too. He just showed what an ass he is, all over again.There’s a Narc and the behaviors are clear to see, yup, he showed me again. 😄
Thanks HG for the education, the insight and the amusment. Xx ❤️❤️
Rebecca,
Thank you for sharing this info about your husband. I agree that its a narc reaction. I’m guessing my narc husband would react very similarly.
I really admire your honesty. I’ve never told my husband I believe he’s a narcissist or considered telling him that I have confirmation. I find it easier to be his top lieutenant and help maintain his facade.
Hello Leigh & Rebecca.
Rebecca – so interesting (your husband’s reaction to his EDC results). If I may ask – did you prompt him to do the EDC, or did he want to of his own accord?
Thank you for sharing Rebecca. As you described it, he confirmed what he was.
Still hard to wrap my head around the blindness.
“If there is nobody in there, who’s steering the ship”
So fascinating, learning every day.
Rebecca, it was a delight to read you describing the reactions of the MLSN to the results of both detectors (what a double whammy for him!). It made me laugh too. Thank you for that 🙂
Brenda and AspEmp,
You’re welcome. Xx
Hi! My ex said it was psychobabble that Californians love and HG is a con. He refused to take the test! I did middle lesser Elite.
Hi Leigh, TS and WhoCares,
Thanks for replying to my questions, I do so enjoy learning from you all and the understanding We share. I was curious about the attachment test you’re mentioning here…??? I wonder what my attachment style is? Probably along the line of treefrog and disassociation with the truth of abuse, until it becomes physical abuse, then I reach my limit and wake up…what could that be? Xx
LOL! I missed this comment from yesterday! I wouldn’t mind being a treefrog, lol!
Contagious,
I’m sorry your ex was a Middle Lesser Elite, I’m currenrly married to a Middle Lesser Somatic, as I’m sure you read…the Middle Lessers don’t think they’re nice guys, they think they’re tough and direct, at least my husband thinks of himself like that. He thinks nice guys are pushovers and weak. He thinks he’s tough and a ballbreaker. He often talks about how him and his brothers would beat each other up and end up in the hospital, only to leave ,after waking up, without being treated for injuries. He said, we were too tough for that.
Was your ex like that, too? I recall him being a lawyer, if I’m correct and a bit tough himself? If you want to share….thank you. Xx
I agree with Leigh. While playing – you cannot show your cards.
Rebecca’s husband’s reaction was obvious.
You unnecessarily incited his fury on yourself 🙁 You can’t prove anything to him with such tests, so it’s a waste of nerves.
You could have asked your husband to complete the HG test, and then read him the results of some other test, e.g. intelligence test, only superlatives and let him bask in triumph 🙂 Think about how difficult it would be for you to keep a serious face and hide your inner ironic smile 🙂 You would find out what you wanted without exposing yourself to insults about your stupidity (cheeky!) and you wouldn’t give him a reason to make you out to be crazy.
HG is “secret” knowledge 🙂 It allows you to better understand your opponent (to fight or protect yourself), so you have to use it carefully in your own life to maintain the advantage.
And most importantly, this knowledge allows you to manage yourself better. This is the greatest gift.
Take courage, Rebecca. I keep my fingers crossed for you.
—-
Contagious’ ex-husband’s reaction made me laugh 🙂
—–
For me – this place is only mine. I won’t let anyone from my world come in here (and if they do, I’ll have to leave).
The only person, who knows I write here is my daughter, but she doesn’t care. And I wish she never had to need this place.
I gently, unobtrusively and pragmatically educate her in my own way – so that she can recognize the threat.
Rebecca,
Lucky you! Tree frog is the rarest of the attachment styles!
Search up attachment styles and you’ll find a site where you can take the test 🙂
Xx
Hi Leigh, AV, TS and AspEmp,
I looked up an Attachment Style quiz to take ans got my results. It said Anxious Avoident, it said I’m very Anxious 86 score and Avoident score was 23. I do tend to hide in my bedroom, after MLSN and I verbally fight…I feel more secure getting away from him and trying to calm myself down.
This is the first time I took this test. It didn’t say much, except I’m insecure in relationships and I’m very anxious.
Is anyone really familiar with these type of test? How accurate are they? I know HG’s test are better and more clear xx
HG, What do you think of these type of test? Xx
Hi Rebecca,
There was a conversation between a bunch of bloggers about two years ago. Below is the link:
https://narcsite.com/2021/09/29/why-wont-he-say-what-is-wrong-8/#comment-416930
I don’t know if you’ve done the Myers Briggs test too. That’s a good one too.
Out of curiosity, I also did this test.
Result: “Perfectly in the middle between Relaxed and Tense style, 13.9% Engaging.”
Interesting. There is something about it.
Regarding Attachment styles.
Truthseeker, Rebecca
For me finding out with tests has been very useful. It got me to understand that lowering my anxiety and working on my peace and calm, really helps in relationships. Slowing down, really. Giving myself time.
But all of this I could do because I had already got the knowledge about narcissism and manipulative people from HG Tudor.
Without first getting rid of narcissists (at least not being first of secondary source for them) from my life, this next step wouldn’t have been possible.
I believe most ppl with insecure attachment styles – too anxious or too avoidant – had a narcissist parent or sibling. Somebody who was constantly crazymaking.
Rebecca!!! We both married middle leaders! Mine is somatic too but elite. So I “ get it” lol
AC and Leigh,
The Attachment test result makes sense because I am an ACON mother and I had a psychopath for a brother….makes sense that I would be anxious in relationships and avoident when things got really bad and dangerous, why I tended to shut down, while being physically abused…must be my disassociation kicking in to deal with the trauma….makes sense…I researched more last night. Didn’t see myself as an Avoident until I reas all the symptoms and behaviors and had ro agree, that’s me too. Usually I’m just a little nervous throughout my day and that’s my calm setting….when I get stressed or around narcs, I get really anxious and a bit jumpy, highly emotional…my alarm goes off…I just realized the connection there…HA! How about that, Leigh? A bell went off for me too! Xx 😁
Thank you Leigh, for showing me that link. Xx It was helpful and I enjoyed learning about the results of the Attachment Style quiz. Xx I’m going to try the other one next and share my results. Xx
Hi Rebecca, Another Cat,
It’s an interesting test isn’t it? I like the way that they provide the background as to why people are likely to have the style of attachment they have. I think with attachment style there are things you can do to ameliorate them if you feel that style isn’t working for you. Yes AC, I read the background and the insecure styles do suggest a crazy making caregiver.
I think for me, I’m actually quite at ease with that particular style. It isn’t something I’d look to change. There are certain areas where I am very much my attachment style, others far less so or not at all. Overall though, I’m in the right box.
Absolutely agree with your point about first purging the narcissists from your life AC. Once that part is done I think there is more opportunity for positive change, if change is what is actually desired. We at least have a clearer view of people around us then.
Yes, Myers Briggs is another good test Rebecca. My daughter was tested in school strangely, several times over a period of several years. She only mentioned it the other day, not sure that I see justification for a school to administer Myers Briggs but it’s too late now. She has remained consistent each time she took the test. Her outcome is very different to mine. Reading the summary I would say her type is representative of her in most but not all situations.
I’d like my daughter to take the EDC. She’s a little young yet, her personality hasn’t fully settled and she doesn’t quite have the life experience for the EDC. One day though, if she wants to 🙂
Xx
Hi Rebecca! I married a middle lesser somantic elite! AND he had a similar reaction. My ex said HG was a con artist. He said HG is not a mental health professional nor do you have any letters behind your name. He said that Brits don’t go for all the psychobabble that Californians do. I only mentioned HG once years ago. I was pointing out my ex behaviors and describing what I learned. I never shared I took a narc test and never overtly called him a narcissist or discussed classes or cadres ever. I just shared what I learned. It irked him. Years later without a mention of HG at a one time marriage counselor meeting – only one session! My ex surprised me by saying I spent 1000s and 1000s of dollars on a con artist who has brainwashed me. I thought he forgot our conversation years ago. lol it must have got under his skin. I have bought products and consulted 2-3 times. All invaluable but 1000s and 1000s? No. I wish lol. I don’t mind sharing my results either which was predominantly contagious and martyr and tower and sanctuary. What’s funny is I quickly scheduled a consult as I found him and was blown away before I took the test. During the consult HG mentioned I might be a contagion and told me to take the test. This demonstrates how in one brief consult how quickly HG grasped my nature. And I joined the blog before YouTube was up and choose the moniker as a result! You and I have had a similar reaction by the same type!
Hi Contagious,
I’m a Standard Triple Hybrid and I do have Contagion, as part of my empath make up. Xx
It’s funny that my ex husband, dated him in high school and married him during college years, is an Upper Lesser Type B Elite. I married an Elite too. He’s the same tyoe as Donald Trump, so that’s a picture, eh? Being married to Trump, except he wasn’t rich, more Upper Middle class, but he cheated and physically/ verbally abused me. His parents even helped me get away from him….that teĺls you something….and the fact that his Dad asked me, if I thought he needed to be institutionalized or not. His behavior was really out there at times and I couldn’t keep ignoring it and taking it from him. He was getting worse, the abuse, the fury, the demands….I pretended it didn’t happen, covered it up, didn’t speak about it, kept his behaviors a secret and acted like it was all good.
I told his parents one night, when I reached my limit, it took me 7 years, I had enough and was too afraid to live with him anymore. The physical abuse was getting worse and I’m not good at dealing with physical abuse, grew up dealing with it, tolerated it for as long as I could. His parents weren’t that surprised at what I told them. His mother, sweet woman, was heartbroken, I felt her hurt and a little anger. She was a little angry I kept it to myself for so long. His dad, he was an ass. He was angry and wanted to throw his son in a mental hospital. He was arrogrant about it too, like it gave him a sense of control over his son, to just be able to throw him away. He was so angry, he even lashed out at me. Blamed me for not speaking about it sooner. I kept things a secret back then, I didn’t have the courage to speak, I felt the need to please my ex by keeping everything quiet. I failed my duties to him, in his mind.
I see his parents as what they are, I think his dad was a narc and his mom an empath, just from their behaviors and their emotions I felt during that whole incident, that is still so vivid to me. I was afraid of his dad, even my ex feared his dad. He was a tyrant and demanded complete submission from his family, including me. Xx
Leigh, TS, AV and AspEmp,
I cam see the Anxious Avoident attachment style I have and I do recall the results saying, that the AA attachment style is from having an unpredicable caregiver, where I didn’t know how she was going to react to me, on any given moment of the day. Will she be nice today, furious, abusive? It kept me anxious and wanting to stop the abuse, I learned to please and please….if I wasn’t pleasing, I was denying the truth of the abuse and covering it up, until therapy with the family, which went nowhere with her….deny, deny, deny from her and my brother…deny, deny, deny….so I see my Avoident behavior there….nothing to see here…everything is fine….everything is fine….my lie to myself, to keep mother happy and hope she loves me…I can see the anxious attachment and I can see the avoident attachment too. It is an accurate quiz, I analyzed it and see me in the results. Thanks for discussing the quiz on here, it helped me to see me more and my interactions with my mother, brother, dad, ex husband, current husband, friends etc. Xx
Hi Everyone,
Re: Attachment Styles
I had a thought this morning. I wonder if a mid range narc could take the test and come back as having a secure attachment style. Some of the mid range narcs I know think they had a healthy childhood and think they’re well adjusted. They think they attach to their family in one way or another. If they answered the questions with that thinking, they may well come back having a secure attachment style and that actually would be wrong. How accurate are the tests then or are the styles incorrect overall?
Just a thought I had that I wanted to share.
Hi Rebecca,
I wanted to clarify that my earlier response was strictly about narcs.
I agree that when being truthful, it’s very accurate. I’m definitely dismissive avoidant. It describes me to a tee. I dont think theres a catch-all in place that can determine if someone is lying though so I wonder about the accuracy.
I agree that those of us that had unpredictable childhoods probably lean toward avoidant or anxious and maybe even disorganized.
I used to cover up and make excuses for my parents too. Then when I met my husband, I did the same thing.
I saw a comment about your best friend still inviting your husband to things. Does that bother you?
Hey Joa,
I can see how you would sit in the middle. Fiercely independent but very much seeks emotional feedback too.
I think it’s interesting that the core operating system is empath but we all have differing approaches to relationships with others. We often think about relationships in a romantic sense but these tests are looking at all kinds of relationships in different settings. A style that works in one setting might not work quite as well in another. So overall I don’t see any attachment style as wholly positive or negative.
I see the result of ‘empath’ as positive though haha!
Xx
Rebecca–
I saw you say that you’re a standard triple hybrid. Can you explain that to me in terms of percentages? Does that mean a third standard, a third contagion, and a third co-dependent/super? With standard being the backbone of the other three schools, is it different than that? I just want to make sure I understand, if you don’t mind.
Thank you!
Hi Dani,
I’m a Standard Empath with Triple Hybrid. I don’t feel comfortable going into percentages. Perhaps, if HG wants to, HG can explain Triple Hybrid. Xx
Hi Leigh,
This comment is to your question..Does it bother me that my best friend invites me to events?
Yes, it does bother me, but I deal with it. My bestie doesn’t believe he’s a narc, she thinks we just have problems, like every couple. I’ve tried talking to her, as I mentioned before on the blog, but she still doesn’t see it. So, I just deal with it and go. It saves fighting and everyone getting upset with me. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that everyone wants to be heard and/or validated. From where I’m standing it seems like your friend doesn’t listen or validate your feelings. I know that not everyone sees things the same way. I also know that not everyone agrees. But your best friend should want to do things that make you happy. You’re conforming to maintain peace and make everyone else happy. Whose conforming to make you happy?
Thank you Leigh, for clarifying your comment was about narcs. Xx
I’m hoping the consultation with HG and my bestie will open her eyes about my husband. If anyone can do that, it’s HG xx
Thank you, Rebecca.
Leigh,
I meant him, not me….my brain sometimes doesn’t communicate with my fingers, it got lost in translation…😁🙄xx
Hello Rebecca: I have enjoyed your blogs a lot. My husband is elite in that he is artistically so. He is an artist at the core. His work is in the Roald Dahl museum. He has done cricket commentary for BBC, did a documentary to save Wordsworth home at Alfoxton, wrote novels, got a degree from a top UK arts school, and is a great musician. He is very entertaining and handsome and … well….In my life I tended to get involved with artists. Perhaps that is because I love the arts and always engaged. Acting when younger, writing books, painting. But I usually chose musicians. My empath father was one. I grew up with it and loved it. My husband is sort of like yours in that he must have his opinion rule. To that extent, a tyrant. I don’t care about what others think or opine. I accept their point of view equally while keeping my own world view. Not him. Even if it is a musician he loves, he requires agreement. So silly. But he isn’t a Trump either. Not a tyrant. He has a victim mentality. I am not a victim not even to him. I hate that stance. “ Woe is me.” I take responsibility for my own choices even if bad ones lol. He gets into conspiracies and is paranoid. He doesn’t trust. And always the victim with a laundry list of “ disabilities. “ His family is like that and his mother is a drinker who hasn’t left the house for over 30 years and won’t use a computer or cellphone. She is stark raving mad and BPD would fit her if HG didn’t call her a narc. She has had No friends ever! He had a bad childhood. Very bad. Isolated. Not educated. Abuse – silent treatments are normal and drama and manipulation and lies and verbal abuse etc… I am not afraid of his mum but I would not risk ever staying with her again. What a story!
As for attachment styles, I wonder what HG thinks about them. They probably just melt into his other definitions.
BUT HG has never educated us on what makes an empath. I think CoD maybe.
My test was secure attachments and I do. I treasure my friends and family including you and others here. The difficult ones I try to keep a distance but be kind, brief and civil where I can. Most of my exes are friends but a couple did not want to “ just be a friend.” We left on good terms. My husband and I are separated. Long time do. He is a MLNE who won’t leave on a positive. Or reach an amicable conclusion. This upset me at first. I tried. I like closure. But I accept it now. We don’t speak then he comes in with some demand or need or rather crisis and uses it to try to get back. I give him a laundry list of obstacles he will never overcome unless a miracle like the cure for narcissism and I stick to it. I made my own conclusion or closure. So we don’t talk much. I don’t focus on him. He is not a priority. And if a miracle happens … well… lol. I am content and open to anything in life. I haven’t met a good man or man that I could love really since we split. Actually I did but this wonderful man wanted marriage and children. My children are grown and I don’t want anymore at this stage so we parted and we remain friends. My “ex” was not all bad as we had many wonderful moments but his narcissism got in the way lol Someone once said to me, you love the man in him and not the broken child. That fits! And while I am open to love, it is not easy to find someone new. We shall see what’s around the corner….until then life goes on. Thank for sharing!
HG and Leigh,
My best friend came back Normal on the NDC I did on her, but Leigh I remember your comment about all types of people having the potential to be toxic, whether they’re narcs or not. Xx
My best friend is having a lot of issues lately, she’s overwhelmed herself, so I’m excusing her behaviors of late. She upset me yesterday when she said, she thinks HG is just out for making money and she asked about his credentials…and basically said, she thought him to be a con man….so, I was a bit shocked and thought I’m not going to waste HG’s time or my time trying to wake her up to the behaviors of my husband, her current boyfriend or her ex husband….the nail that sealed the coffin was when she said, ” i know your husband can be nasty, but that’s just relationships and that’s between you and him. My opinion isn’t needed.”
I thought, ok, got it….you’re overwhelmed with your problems to concern yourself with mine….I understand.. I felt bad for, what felt like dumping on her…so, I dropped it. But, I also realize, that she’ll call me with her problems and expect me to listen, help her, give her solutions and support….I see it, this is why her own, older daughter told me, she’s a shit friend….her words, not mine….it just took me time to accept it. Xx
I didn’t reply to her mean message and I’m taking a mental break from her troubles that she dumps on me. Xx
Hi Dani,
You’re welcome. Xx HG is better at explaining how much of a mutt empath I am. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Re: Your best friend
Yes, normals can be toxic and unhealthy as well. We all have the ability to be selfish too. I understand shes going through her own stuff and isn’t in the frame of mind to be there for you. I get that. Its one thing when someone can’t be helpful but its another when they’re hurtful. Being hurtful isn’t necessary.
Sometimes it helps to take a step back because you begin to see things clearly.
Merry Christmas, HG.
An empath and a psychopath, sitting in a tree… 🌲
The empath is burning very slowly…..
Is that because you are hot stuff HG 😜 xxx
Undoubtedly.
I can’t take you anywhere! *saws off branch where HG is sitting*
Candied Pansy,
Don’t do that! You’re still sitting on it too! 😆xx
Reminiscent of Pinnacle.
Rebecca,
He’d be on the outer end! Then again if I fall too, that’d stop the fire… I hope… this picnic didn’t go how I thought it would 😆
*Allison eating her sandwich*: “Wow, I sure do love having lunch under this beautiful old oak. Wait. What’s that noi–“
Candied Pansy,
The fire would only stop if you fell in some water! 😄 Hopefully there’s water by the tree, maybe deep enough to jump in! 😄 Better hurry! 😄😄xx
Rebecca,
HG falls on Allison. I stop drop & roll as he’s distracted. free cardio 😄
Candied Pansy,
Oh no, poor Alison! Her lunch is ruined! Hope Alison will be ok. Xx
Oh no, Candied Pansy, looks like HG tripped you! This doesn’t look good! Xx
I sound like a Sports Caster 😄😄xx
*filming
📣Aaand cut.
Candied! You need to reduce the sawing pace, darling. Remember, you are burning slowly and we want to enjoy the spectacle.
Alison! Your anticipation of HG landing on you is written all over your face, NO! At this moment it’s just you and the sandwich. Is the only interaction we need to see.
HG! … Perfect!!
Honey! Rebecca!!! STOP flirting with the crew and get the extinguisher, ready!
Carole! Off the set and HG! NOW!
Ok… one more time.
Aaand action!!!
Jordyguin,
😆😆
I wouldn’t even notice the crew! 😄😆
And is the extinguisher for me, or everyone, but HG? 😆😁
Rebecca,
I have a good sandwich place nearby and will send Allison a gift card. Should have known my golden period with HG wouldn’t last forever!
If you need a new job, look into sports reporting or writing (fifty shades of grey is twilight fanfiction… not saying it’s good but the author still got paid). xD I’d be entertained!
Jordy,
I’ll slow motion flail around like in the sims. Make some s’mores out of me so my death won’t be in vain. We don’t want HG going hungry.
thank you for the laughs 😄 (rebecca you too)
an empath and a psychopath sitting in a tree,
b-u-r-n-i-n-g…
Candied Pansy and Jordy,
Which one of you gave HG a blowtorch?? 😆😆
Oh, it might have been me, oopsey! 😆😆xx
Will no one attend to my injuries? There’s a carrot jammed in my ear.
Sorry Allison, we’re all running away from the blowtorch now! Xx
Two birds with one stone: Carrot and the stick😜
😘
Hello HG Sir,
Why do you refer to your much hated uncle as Willy Wonka? I just watched the new Wonka movie and I think Wonka is a delightful character is he not? Is it because he stole your first edition book? Still, I’m sure there is better fitting name for such an abhorrent human?
Read Fury and you will find out.
Oh, I know, I know! 😃😆 *raising hand in class, waving it around, like an idiot* 😄
*HG gives me a look*
*I quickly put my hand down and break eye contact….looking anywhere else* 😄xx
HG, have you seen Danish Bashir’s narcissist abuse content on youtube? Thank you.
No.
1. Is it typical of psychopaths to kill and inflict suffering on animals?
2. Do you/have you done these things yourself?
Animal cruelty is often a behaviour exhibited by psychopaths, although not all psychopaths have or will engage in this behaviour.
Dear HG and B,
HG’s article, ‘HOUNDED BY LOVE’, answers B’s second question, unless I got the title wrong? Xx
Dear Mr Tudor,
And similarities between Mr n Mrs Pankey (from South Park) TOW n THIS ONE is purely coincidental….💩
What say you Mr Tudor ?
High five ✋
🤣
Dear Mr Tudor,
I’ve just listened to your YT video on the Narcissist and suicide and was wondering what other videos you have. It was extremely informative !
The bully narc in question, committed suicide and I’m still trying to understand his demise, as it came as a complete shock, the way he did it and it was totally out of character.
Can a narc opt out purely on health related issues or would there other factors involved? I’m not sure if he was wounded by his brother’s death, as he didn’t find out til well after and subsequently left his ashes to a trusted outsider (Lieutenant).
There seems to be a very high number of male suicides of late, (7 males per day in Australia). Are they predominantly empaths and why is this happening at alarming rates ?
Many thanks
It is difficult for me to comment without more information.
1. With regard to the bully narcissist, I would suggest you arrange a consultation to discuss the appropriate circumstances.
2. With regard to suicide generally, male suicide victims will be drawn from a range of characterisations and there are a host of reasons as to why more men than women commit suicide.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Many thanks, I appreciate your reply.
It was really just a general question, I don’t really care about the bully narc, he’s deceased now (died alone, no funeral, nothing)……he’s not worth it haha
My mum continues threatening ‘to throw herself under a truck’, even at 92 years of age and can’t walk haha. Always attention seeking 🤦♀️
Dear Mr Tudor,
Q. What’s the difference between TOW and a Leica camera ?
A. The Leica camera doesn’t lie
🤣
Hello HG, although art is subjective, would you say that the lyrics to this song (https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=QBCP7J6xrd8&si=DtOnoDRLC4Uqy_wd) accurately represent the experience of a fuel crisis? If so, and supposing they were written by a narcissist, would you say the level of self awareness exhibited is indicative of a greater?
I found the lyrics hard to discern so stopped listening as it was not a productive application of my time.
Mr. Tudor–
I loved the most recent, “Tea with Sam and HG.” Those are always so good.
I know you’re not a huge HP fan…however, regarding Gilderoy Lockhart…the assertion that he was not a nasty piece of work…just highly self-absorbed…I disagree with that. My evidence comes from the book in which he plays the most prominent role…he does make a later cameo appearance.
“Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”
1. He wrote seven books which he made all the students of Hogwarts purchase as “textbooks” (Chapter 4), detailing “his” prowess at taking on dark arts. Defence Against the Dark Arts is a required class for five years at Hogwarts. Not all families in the magical world are wealthy.
2. He failed to handle Cornish pixies which he released, thus causing “pandemonium” in his classroom and left 3 twelve-year-olds to “nip the rest of them back into their cage.” (Chapter 6)
3. Regarding the seven “textbooks,” Lockhart cast spells to make other witches/wizards who had taken these heroic actions forget doing them. Why he did this…his words…”No one wants to read about some ugly old…warlock, even if he did save a village from werewolves. He’d look dreadful on the front cover…” (Chapter 17)
4. According to Professor McGonagall he had been boasting to all the staff that he knew where the Chamber of Secrets was and could sort it out were he allowed. (Chapter 17)
5. Knowing that a student has been taken into the Chamber of Secrets and the message regarding that is, “Her skeleton will lie in the chamber forever,” Lockhart lies to the staff, telling them that he will “be in my office, getting — getting ready.” He goes to his office and packs up to run away. (Chapter 17)
6. He was prepared to curse two children with a memory charm to make the magical world believe they’d lost their minds at the sight of “her mangled corpse” (the child he was leaving to die). (Chapter 17)
Thank you, Sir. (I love Harry Potter!)
1. Self absorbed by showcasing. Not done for the direct purpose of humiliating people owing to their poverty.
2. Negligence and laziness as opposed to wanting the mayhem directly. Self absorbed.
3. Making it about him and his deeds, self absorbed.
4. Boasting about his abilities. Self absorbed.
5. Coward. Self absorbed.
6. Not self absorbed.
Of the six instances offered, five are still actions of the self absorbed rather than intrinsically nasty, therefore my observations remains accurate.
Dear HG,
Most of his behaviors were blunders and not intentionally done for evil purposes, in rough terms, he was a blundering idiot and not intelligent in a way a diabiolical person needs to be, to be evil. I agree with you and I found the character annoying to watch. Xx
“3. Making it about him and his deeds, self-absorbed.”
1. Regarding the “textbooks” — At least seven times, he completed a sneaky magical assault on a witch or wizard after tracking them down, asking “them exactly how they managed to do what they did. Then I had to put a Memory Charm on them.” (Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 16) There is ample reason to suspect this number is higher.
Evidence:
1.1. “cornered in a telephone booth by a werewolf” (Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 6.)
Wizards don’t use telephones generally, though telephone booths are used to conceal magical entries. Most likely it is a muggle telephone booth, not an entry into a Ministry of Magic. The telephone booth indicates that this incident occurred in an area populated with muggles or muggles and magical folk. Moreover, there is only one all wizarding town in Britain, Hogsmeade. It’s unclear if any or all heroic acts Lockhart claimed as his own take place in Britain. The likelihood of zero muggles being attacked by werewolves in a village (Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 16) or seeing a werewolf is low, meaning magical people will be involved to cover it up owing to the International Statute of Secrecy.
Obliviators “correct” muggle memories. I think it highly improbable that no individual working for the relevant Ministry of Magic would know the name of the wizard/witch who defeated the werewolf.
This would involve multiple assaults over a period of months to truly cover all bases. Moreover, werewolves only transform during the full moon (not that they are incapable of harm when the moon is in other phases), which to me indicates that this was a lengthy series of attacks in one area. If this werewolf was only dangerous at its time of the month. Some are dangerous at all times. Others aren’t.
So if Lockhart was covering his trail well (and we know that he was very careful about dealing with the factual subject of his book), it’s reasonable to deduce that he would have memories to obliviate from those beyond the subjects of his books, obliviators and likely magical law enforcement. This means the commission of further magical attacks. If magical people were saved by the witches/wizards whose stories Lockhart stole, he would have to also obliviate them.
1.2. He references another incident where he “saved people” with “amulets.” “The full story is in his autobiography.” He had more titles than those seven assigned as textbooks. (Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 9). So I would say, given that he references an event from his autobiography, “Magical Me,” (likely more self-aggrandizing revisions of history) there are almost definitely more victims of his memory charm work.
1.3. Most of the titles, “Voyages with Vampires,” “Holidays with Hags,” “Wandering with Werewolves,” “Travels with Trolls,” and “Gadding with Ghouls,” have plurals. (“Year with a Yeti” and “Break with a Banshee” don’t follow that pattern.) I don’t know if there were multiple witches/wizards involved in the vanquishing/punishing of the vampires, hags, trolls, or ghouls. There is reason to believe that the werewolves were handled by one wizard based on Lockhart’s confession in Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 16 and the banshee by one witch. The others, it’s unclear.
His memory charms are harmful. Not only was he prepared to curse two children to madness, he attempted it. The wand backfired and the spell was powerful enough the two and a half years later Lockhart is still in magical hospital (Order of the Phoenix). So memory charms can be permanent. We know intention is very important in a variety of spells. His intention was clearly irreparable harm in the case of Harry and Ron. It’s unknown how careful he was in obliviating his other victims; it’s certain how powerful a Memory Charm he can cast.
To my mind, the memory charm work shows a nasty core, owing to the known number of victims and the likelihood of that number being higher and growing, had the wand not backfired. It was done on purpose. He intentionally sought out these people to steal their stories as per his statements. There are at least seven people whose memories he obscured, in a potentially permanent way. Lockhart’s only top-notch spell is the Memory Charm. Despite how big of a liar he is, his preferred m.o. for his published works is revising history to claim others’ heroism as his own. So, I think it most likely that accounts related in “Magical Me” most likely follow that pattern. It’s not just self-absorption to cause someone to forget what may be a defining moment in their life.
I also find it nasty to leave a child to die, despite the fact that he could have done nothing because he knew nothing. Harry and Ron were there to give him the necessary information. He could have tried.
Dani what a delightful post!
Thank you, Contagious!
If Martin Gore books a Narc Detector to analyze Dave Gahan, would you give him a discount, and if yes, on what condition?
That would be between ML Gore and me.
In a movie about your life, who would play you and your mother?
Christian Bale as he is my favourite actor, although Daniel Craig would have a closer physical resemblance (although he is shorter than me).
A mummified corpse would be a good choice for my mother, but if that isn’t appropriate then Vanessa Redgrave.
Dear HG,
You made me laugh at your response pretaining to your mother! 😆 I’m imagining the walking, rotting corpse and then the arm falling off, and you throwing her disembodied arm away from her. Very amusing 😆 xx
Daniel Craig is nowhere near as good looking as you HG ❤️❤️❤️
Very true, Carole xx
It’s true Carole…those tanned legs! Puts Daniel Craig’s beach scene to shame.
Daniel Craig, Mmmmmm that bottom lip. Yummy!
Ladies, have you seen the pics of him emerging from the ocean like a flaming hot Poseidon? Look them up…you won’t regret it.
Is the ocean bit in Casino Royale or something else?
asking for academic reasons of course
Indeed, purely for the pursuit of knowledge. Because Knowledge Never Dies.
Yes, in my *eh-hem* research for this comment, I discovered that the stills are from the opening of Casino Royale.
Apparently Daniel Craig said that scene ‘haunts him’.
Same, Daniel Craig, same.
Off to refresh my memory of the Christian Bale shower scene.
Yes but I prefer Cheistian. The brooding intellect!
Contagious,
Brooding Brains over Buff Bod any day!
Dear HG,
He’s a very talented actor. He absolutely terrified me in ‘American Psycho’ and played another scary character in ‘ Shaft’….looking back at the smaller role in ‘Shaft’, his character looks to be another psychopath.
HG, Do you think you could do a limited series on psychopaths in movies and how they compare to the real psychopath ,verses the hollywood psychopath?? Thanks for your time and responses. Xx
Possibly.
Dear HG,
I hope you do it. I think it would be most educational for us and a benefit to know the correct behaviors of a psychopath, compared to the bs hollywood shows us. How many of us are ignorant of the accuracy of true behaviors and not just what the movies want us to believe? I, for one, want to be taught the truth, so I can spot the behaviors and be forewarned.Thank you, HG xx
HG, I think having examples of comparisons would be interesting as actors who are not psychopaths / narcissists may require a degree of understanding the human behaviours in order to act in the role. Having said that, Christian Bale does a brilliant job in his acting roles, as I believe he does some research (into such behaviours) before he takes on a role?
I avoided “American Psycho” because of HG’s recommendation, believing it to be too much for me to handle. But feeling bored and somewhat adventurous one day I decided to give it glimpse. To my surprise I was, overall, pretty much bored throughout. Yes, there was some gratuitous violence and sex scenes, but I found Christian Bale’s character in this film a tad laughable .. despite being a fan of Bale’s in general.
Interesting indeed. I always imagined you having a mop of dark curls myself! I can’t imagine HG being a blonde like Daniel Craig. Or are you a dark haired version of Daniel Craig?
Vanessa Redgrave, interesting choice. I loved her performance in the film “The Devils of Loudun” She played a red haired nun with a hunch back. Great classic film. I recommend it.
I imagine your mother more like Kim Basinger.
Mummified corpse? HG! No no please no Norbert Bates psycho images! “Blood mother blood”
Gosh!
Christian Bale, he is indeed a great actor. I found American Psycho though to be rather dull. He was great playing batman though. Handsome Welsh lad he is!
A biography of HG Tudor would be interesting, of course using pseudonyms. I would buy it, as would many others. Who knows, maybe it would become a movie?
lol on mummies!
1. Do you look like Eric Clapton2. Have you ever played in a quartet?
3. Do you acknowledge that you don’t know the exact creation of life?
4. Ditto: the exact creation of Earth?
1. No,
2. Of sorts.
3. No.
4. No.
Contagious
Only God knows the exact creation of Earth and can answer questions 3 and 4
HG maybe brilliant, but he is human.
Remember though. God made us all, including psychopaths
What right to we humans have to judge? But that is off topic
Do you relate to his character at all in American Psycho?
Aspects.
I never pictured you as a blonde! The deeper voice lends itself to a taller, dark haired man. If we’re going with JB, I’d have said more of a Pierce Brosnan 😄
I always pictured Rupert Perry-Jones or Eric Clapton but HG says no to Clapton…
I think you mean Penry-Jones.
Laurie ❤️ in Little Women. (Christian Bale).
I also liked Swing Kids.
How about Peter O’ Toole?
I have so many questions, which you have probably answered a million times, but I never had time to read all your work. Here are a few:
1) If a narcissist must have experienced a lack of control environment in order to become what he is, does that mean that at one point in his life, a narcissist was capable of love, empathy, etc.? Are those capabilities completely obliterated, or are they merely deactivated in a sense? Was there a time in your life when you were capable of emotional empathy?
2) Is it possible for someone to become a narcissist by way of brain injury?
3) Most (probably all) of your clients have been victims of narcissists. Which means they are basically prey to someone like yourself. Are you ever tempted to prey upon any of your clients? I don’t think you would act upon it, mind you. But you are still a predator. I wonder if you ever find yourself thinking “Mmmm, empath! ” in the middle of a consultation.
4) Will I ever get another chance to play Bullsh*t Bingo?
1. No, they were not capable.
2. No, although brain injury might bring about similar behaviours.
3. No because that’s what a stupid narcissist would do and I am not stupid.
4. Maybe.
It would be such fun to have another game of the bulls*it bingo, HG. Please.
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
Reply to this. Sorry but it’s Christ mad
https://kingministries.com/proof-god-is-real/the-existence-of-the-earth-proves-god-exists/
How do you know? No one does 100%? But …
Thanks for the link Contagious
It was brilliant.
Here is one for you
Mandelbrot… amazing
1. Could you please explain how a “potential” child narcissist is not capable of love/empathy if they were never exposed to a lack of control environment, i.e. the child in question received the genetic predisposition only?
Savoy Truffle
Sociopaths can turn their emotions on and off like a tap
Psychopaths are stone cold
There is still alot people do not understand about it
Most do not exactly want to be studied or take part in experiments.
Fear of the unknown or what is different has always been ingrained in humans, so they tend to destroy what they do not understand.
A narcissistic psychopath is cold
A borderline sociopath can pretend to be normal and even show empathy, they can in a way manipulate people more than a narcissistic psychopath because of this as they are better at feigning empathy.
Borderline sociopaths even have the capacity to manipulate narcissistic psychopaths.
I find this all very interesting. I am enjoying HG’s work greatly and do look forward to more blog entries on the subject.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Have you seen the latest unleashing of fury from Lady C with regards to comparing TOW’s filthy mouth and ones anus ? 😱
Bloody brilliant !!!!!
No, I do not watch those videos.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Pity, because she’s on fire atm
I love Lady C. Which video are you speaking of?
Dear HG
If you could which spice girl would you have?
Banal.
😂
Remember to cover your mouth when you yawn!
No, you need to recognise your repetitive clamouring for attention becomes tedious.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
Sure thing! Whatever you say Sir!
😂😂😂
HG
You didn’t answer the question.
Which is your favourite spice girl? I personally love Ginger Spice.
Anna, he prefers blondes (real or fake), so it’d have to be Baby.
Candied Pansy. That is interesting indeed.
Most men do prefer blondes it seems.
It’s why I asked if he wanted his partners to look like him (blond). Going blonde transformed Norma Jean to Marilyn Monroe. I wonder why famous women go blonde. HG put Hayley Atwell over Jennifer Lawrence on his spicy poontang food chain, so blonde isn’t always better (boy howdy I’m lonely).
I’ve always been hideous, but I swear at one point being blonde was all I did to get unfortunately middle aged men (old when you’re a teen) to leer. Now that I’m “bronde” and can no longer be their daughter, I’m a ghost. I get Markle’s neuroticism re: age, w/o loving relationships to replace being desired.
Candied Pansy,
I get the impression that Fiona is a redhead xx HG used to favor redheads, but said, he no longer favors them. Perhaps because his ex is a redhead. Xx HG’s current IPPS must be a blonde, why HG favors blondes now. Xx
Rebecca,
Maybe Fiona was a redhead. Is she Irish? They have plenty of redheads like in Scotland.. You’re probably right- she turned him off redheads. The celebrities I saw him mention go mostly blonde. Is there a missing brunette phase?
HG serious question, as you get older, will you keep your women under 50 (do you keep them under 40 now?) or will you accept that we can have things like gray hair, menopause, etc? I wonder how you’ll handle the realities of age, for yourself and your partners. Do you expect partners to dye hair, botox /fillers, surgery, etc? Will you be or are you a silver fox? Are you Leonardo Di Caprio and think women expire after 25? You’re still a man, cluster b or not.
CP,
I haven’t a clue if Fiona is Irish or not, but it makes me think of Fiona from SHREK…😁xx
Mr. Tudor–
If you could live the story of a protagonist from a Roald Dahl book, which character’s story would you live?
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
Mr Fox.
Thank you, sir. And I adore Mr Fox!
Mr. Tudor,
I’m brimming with excitement right now! I just heard your recent interview with Eric Huntley. I’m like a little kid sometimes and your comment about a certain character not being a narcissist, made me happy. Yay!!!
Mr. Tudor,
Thank you for your recent video analysis, Watch a Narcissist in Action. The car ride was quite alarming to me. What do you think of Rosana? Her partner is very similar to my narc husband. I would’ve handled things differently. I wouldn’t have recorded him. I was his top lieutenant and helped him maintain his facade for years. I wouldn’t want anyone to see that and would’ve hid that reaction from the world. Then when I heard the baby in the car. I wouldn’t have goaded him the way she did. I would’ve calmed him. I wouldn’t have threatened his control the way she did. Is she an empath?
You will have to wait and see as there is more to come.
That’s so wonderful to hear, sir. I’m looking forward to it. I think that this series is quite interesting and extremely helpful.
Thank you. Thank you!
Thank you, Mr. Tudor.
I listened to your analysis on the text exchange as well. I noticed that you used the word victim, not empath, to describe her.
This is a very helpful series. I look forward to listening to more.
Hi Leigh,
If it’s ok for me to answer you from my own experience, if not, I’m sure HG won’t allow it. I’m accepting of either decision HG makes on my comment. Xx
To answer your question, from my own personal experience. HG tells me I”m an empath and I used to hide my husband’s drinking behaviors and the consequences of him drinking…but, when I reached a certain point, I just snapped on him and he went to rehab.
After rehab, for a time things were shaky and uncertain, things would get better, than get worse….you know the pattern….I found my emotions to be high and I would fight back verbally more and more, and I can be like that from time to time, it’s the stress, stress and conflict can make anyone seem like a less than empathic person, it’s the other behaviors that people show that determine who they are in whole. Hope that helps. Xx I’m interested in finding out what she is too. Xx Hope you’re well and I hope you’ll be able to read this, but if not, I understand HG’s decision too. Xx
Thanks HG for the moderations you do and keeping the blog going. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Yes, I’ve had moments where I’ve fought back too. Several of them! I’ve also inadvertently threatened his control and sometimes I’ve even provoked it. Usually what happens is once he’s in the middle of one of these tirades, my instinctual response is to stop provoking and then try and calm him down, especially if the children were around. To me, she seems to not care that she’s provoking him. Maybe she’s at the end of her rope. I get it. But there’s a baby in the car. Why is her empathy eroded for the baby?
I also wouldn’t have been able to record it. I would’ve been a basket case. I also would’ve known that recording it would’ve provoked him further. I wouldn’t have wanted people to see him that way. As a top lieutenant, I helped maintain his facade of a good husband and father. Even now after suffering 40 years of abuse, I wouldn’t want to put that out there for everyone to see. Not only would that affect him but it would my children.
I’m not saying she’s a narcissist. I’m just questioning if she’s an empath because I don’t see a whole lot of empathy. Maybe she’s a normal or narcissistic.
Hi Leigh,
I’m wondering the same thing about her, after hearing the baby and I wouldn’t want to record an argument either, it would definitely provoke him too much. Like you, i learned how far to take things and she was provoking him. I’ve verbally fought with MLS husband many times and usually he throws things, or storms off. Arguing in a moving car isn’t a good idea for anyone, especially with a baby….neither party can leave the argument and fear can be used in an argument, in a car. Reminds me of HG’s article about car fights with a narcissist. I’ve had one experience with my ex(ULTYPEB Elite), that I mentioned before on the blog and an argument in a car with MLS, I talked to HG about because I was mad and questioning my own temper….Car fights are never a good idea, just stressing that
I’m looking forward to the woman’s analysis from HG. I’m thinking she’s a normal, who has reached her limit. I don’t know much of her behaviors, so it’s a difficult analysis just seeing the one video and some texts.
Hope you’re well. Xx
HI Rebecca,
One thing I want to add is that before understanding about narcissism, I honestly believed my husband was a good man and father and I respected him. So because of that, even if he pissed me off, I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt or embarrass him. My ET made a lot of excuses for his bad behavior. I think the difference between Rosana and I is that she doesn’t have any respect for him and doesn’t see him as a good man and father. That would certainly make a big difference on how you approach someone and/or a situation.
Meanwhile, I’m sad about Doug. I hope he went peacefully.
HG,
Thank you for moderating my comment xx
Hi Rebecca: I posted after seeing it. Whilst ( lol) it was a good instructional video and many who saw it could relate, it doesn’t belong public. It was wrong to do that with a child in the car. She could have taken it to a therapist, marriage counselor or simply give him the 30 notice and move out for 30 days if possible. If he became a threat the police would remove him. She wanted validation, she is right. She is a victim. Lots of that going on. I don’t like it. You feel a bit dirty watching it. Sad really.
Contagious and Leigh,
We all wait to see what her analysis will be. I’m very curious about the answer and looking forward to more videos on her and her situation….learn, learn, learn. The more I learn, the easier it is to see and avoid, makes life more enjoyable. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I’ve listened to the rest of the recordings. Maybe I was too hard on Rose. Maybe she is an empath that was at the end of her rope. I now understand that she was hiding her plans to escape so maybe she was recording to compile evidence. The only thing I can’t seem to get passed is why post it on social media. She is much younger than me so maybe this is normal for her generation. I know my narc daughter often records interactions. She’s recorded me in the past. She didn’t post it though. She would’ve looked like she was disrespecting me and that probably would’ve caused a backlash. While she was recording me, I said, “Go ahead and post it. I want everyone to see how you disrespect your mother.” I had just picked her up from the airport and I was driving home. It was very unnerving while it was happening. I might have a biased opinion about the whole thing because of that incident with my daughter.
I wonder if my empath daughter would record an interaction like that. Maybe if it was for evidence, she might record it. I don’t know if she would post it though.
I agree, we’re here to learn. Those videos have been extremely helpful.
So, I found the Full English breakfast conversation interesting. I was unaware, so I wanted to dig. According to the English Breakfast Society:
“We here at the Society believe that frozen hash browns and french fries are used as a cheap breakfast plate filler, served by people who probably buy cheap imported bacon and sausages to use in their so called English breakfasts, and who have probably never heard of bubble and squeak.”
I’d really like to try it someday. Looks delicious! I must admit I’m surprised about the hash browns because to me they’re a breakfast staple, along with pancakes or waffles if I’m really putting on the feed bag. Color me embarrassed when I looked up bubble and squeak. Bit disappointed as I was hoping the English breakfast included a side of sex. But more food is okay, I guess.
Congratulations on 200k subscribers on YouTube, Mr. Tudor!
Thank you Leigh.
Big congratulations für 200.000 people on YouTube HG!!!
How does it feel for you?
About time.
😀
So you do not feel proud?
Will you get again an award for that like with 100.000? Or is it at 250.000?
What is the next level and in what time are you planning to achieve it?
There is still much to do before one can start sitting around being proud.
I guess it will never be enough. This is how you were trained by your MatriNarc, no?