Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
11,294 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
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Hi HG, I’ve mentioned in a few comments that I don’t think I’ve had a romantic relationship with a narcissist (I’ve not always had good / healthy relationships but no previous partners are clearly identifiable as a narcissist) and my husband is very empathetic. I’m very glad obviously but wondered if you can say (or point me further if you’ve written about this already) why some people manage to dodge that “romantic” bullet without realising it? I only learnt about narcissism in my mid forties when I realised I’m a ACON (I think just my mother but my dad wasn’t emotionally great) and had been married over a decade. I’ve had plenty of experiences with friendships, bosses and colleagues though.
You simply did not attract a romantic narcissist or you did but a particular factor prevented the relationship from progressing. That might have been an intervention by a parent who did not approve, listening to a friend´s concerns, the narcissist or you breaking off because of having to move away. There are a variety of reasons which could have prevented the relationship from progressing.
Thanks HG. I guess it seems so common for ACONs but lucky me then. There was one person who was interested in me at university but I wasn’t (there were huge red flags that I could see, so nothing happened). My friend did like him however and they then had a relationship and I’m pretty sure he was a narcissist from observing them. I think I didn’t consciously “know” then but I guess there were some instincts.
Hi HG, I hope you’re having a good week. A few questions:
1. Do you think it’s good for readers to take a break from learning about narcissism at times, even from your work?
2. Could a non narcissist parent behave more narcissistically due to the other narcissist parent? Different behaviours to the narcissist themselves but enabling them, enjoying stirring the pot at times for example .. I’m guessing erosion of empathy but they are obviously accountable for their own actions. I hope that makes sense.
1. That depends on the circumstances.
2. Yes.
Thank you HG. 🙏
Hi Jade,
“Do you think it’s good for readers to take a break from learning about narcissism at times, even from your work?” – Its not good for me to take a break. I have to stay active here. I have to continue to read & listen every single day. Even when Mr. Tudor takes a break, I’m still reading and listening. I have to keep my ET down as low as possible because I still have narcs in my life. Not just my husband and mother, but one of my daughters is a narcissist too. I have the toughest time drawing a line with her.
I get that Leigh, and i think that is really very wise. I imagine with such active narcissists in your life, HG is like daily medicine and absolutely necessary. I haven’t got kids, but can’t imagine how that must be with your daughter, on top of the others, yikes. Thanks for explaining.
My mum is the only one left (apart from work where I can mostly avoid them) and I find that I can keep “thinking about her” alive too much when I’m learning about it, if that makes sense? Till my dad died, I only texted them infrequently over the last few years so was ANC.
I’m glad I reconciled with my dad before he died and have wondered why I’m here now as I’ve been reading on and off for five years… I don’t know it all of course, and never will, but I am fairly educated with my mum but I think now it’s just her, I can face what it all really means (I was closer to my dad) and the reality. I had a lot of ET around my dad too.
So I may come and go when needed as sometimes I need to step away for a break. But for now, between HGs answers and yourself and others here helping with our back and forward conversations, I feel like my brains getting rewired in a good way!
Hi Jade,
I think a lot of bloggers come and go as needed. Some also stick around, but don’t comment. You’ll figure out what’s best for you.
I totally agree about the rewiring of our brain. Mr. Tudor has given us a key to understanding human behaviors and it has totally changed my thinking. He’s opened my mind. Everything is so much different but makes so much more sense.
Thanks Leigh, i agree.
I know what you mean 🤯 it’s like seeing behind a veil or like in the wizard of Oz, behind the curtain! I’m very grateful too.. my whole life makes a lot more sense but I also feel a lot more positive about the future and my ability to deal with stuff. Thanks HG.
Hi Jade,
Narcissists can have emotions too. They just don’t have a lot of them. So to say that anger is too emotional for narcissists isn’t correct. Mr. Tudor has written a bunch of articles about what emotions he and other narcissists feel. Here’s a good place to start.
https://narcsite.com/2020/05/25/the-narcissist-and-feelings-5/
here are a bunch of articles about Psychopathy too. If you put in the search bar “Psychopath”, you’ll find oodles of articles.
https://narcsite.com/2024/11/21/psychopath-humanity-9/
Distinguishing between Autism and narcissism can be difficult. Mr. Tudor did an interview with the Naughty Autie. I found that very helpful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGf1J_CaX50
Hope this helps.
You’re a star, Leigh ⭐ thank you for linking those! And of course HG for writing them. 🙏
Hey Leigh;
It’s crazy Americans health care system but my best friend has been through hell with her autistic daughter for 6 years. First she refuses to go to school or work. Second she threatens suicide, cuts, screams. Third she is physically violent to my friend and even a dog. Smashers property, car windows etc… she has been in and out I’d residential centers, her meds are always changed. Social services and medical have stepped in as a last resort. A social worker anda therapist come to her house three days a week. If you ask me the insurance therapists were a waste and the residential just heavily drug as a holding tank. It’s all about billing money. She was diagnosed BPD and autism some have said bipolar and autistic but others have said the MMRI shows no bipolar. Others have said autism and BPD overlap so much. But what I have seen is a low self esteem, a low tolerance of stress and a refusal to work at anything. Their fights have been mostly about going to school and she went to a special school for autism or getting a job or her mom refusing to buy pot or do something she wants. I have seen it. The trigger is asking the person to do something they don’t want to do. The professionals say she has remorse so ruled out psychopathy and narcissism. I am rooting for her but have had strong talks with my friend about her mental health and DVviolence. Her family including her son thinks she should kick her out. I am hopeful this wrap around program works. I think it’s tough to diagnose Cluster B. And the western works dumps it on the family. Not much money to help.
Hi Contagious, I don’t know if it’s been mentioned already but reading your comment I wondered about PDA pathological demand avoidance, a subtype of autism.
OMG I never heard of that! I will look into it! Kaiser Health Insurance was and is pathetic. And social services come to the house 3 days a week and we have hope. But I will check into it. The social services are 25. Young. But one said BPD and autism can be very similiar. Thank you so much for another idea!
Good luck 🤞 what you described does sound like it…
Hello Jade: That’s her! I told my friend to ask her doctors about it. Not on DSM but bingo! I told my friend all your fights have been about doing something. Going to school. 6 years of hell to get her graduated. College, working. BUT and it’s a big but, I know with BPD the suicide threats, the cutting, the outbursts. And they tend to hole up. They don’t want to go to school or to work. I have seen it with at least 3 I know. It looks like entitlement and it is a huge drain on the family. But there is an anxiety at play, a sickness that even meds can’t cure and it leads to interpersonal breakdowns. I feel bad as from what I have seen, someone gets stuck supporting them through life as they won’t work or go to school sometimes. Even the State pays. They have a degree of empathy but there outbursts are horrid. Screaming, verbal and sometimes physical abuse and often suicide threats or attempts. It’s awful. And the insurance system sucks. Meds to meds. Residential centers are greedy on insurance and do nothing accept acting like a holding tank. It’s destroying my friend. I think she has PTSD and her health has declined plus she shows enmeshment and codependency. Her family including her son wants to throw the 21 year old out. I am hoping social services wrap around program works:)
Deepest thanks
So it is PDA, Contagious?
If so there’s lots of good books on Amazon (i looked the other day as I read a book about it a while back but can’t remember the name.) Once the correct approach is taken it does seem like a big change is possible.
Are you saying it’s also comordid with BPD and maybe PTSD?
Hi Jade,
I’m responding here to your question about psychopathy because that other thread was enormous.
“Do you know if more info was given on whether narcissists other than greaters can also be psychopath?”
Here’s what I think:
There’s an ASPD umbrella. Under that umbrella there are pure psychopaths, narcissistic psychopaths, pure sociopaths and narcissistic sociopaths. There can also be narcissists that have psychopathic or sociopathic traits but don’t meet the threshold for ASPD. Vice versa, psychopaths & sociopaths can have narcissistic traits but don’t meet the threshold for NPD.
If someone with ASPD is aware, then they’re a psychopath. If they also have NPD, then they’re a narcissistic psychopath. That would mean they would either be The Ultra (Mr. Tudor) or a greater narcissist.
If someone with ASPD is unaware, they’re a sociopath. If they also have NPD, then they’re a narcissistic sociopath. What I know for sure is if they don’t have awareness then they’re not a greater or The Ultra. What I’m not sure of is can both a mid range or lesser narcissist be a sociopath. From their behaviors, I would think only lessers can be narcissistic sociopaths but I could be totally wrong about that.
The video of Psychopath vs Sociopath is incredibly helpful too.
That’s soon helpful, thanks Leigh! I think that’s straightened my head on this topic.. phew. I’ll check out that video too.
Morning HG, to complete this picture re ASPD can I check if mid rangers and / or lessers can be sociopaths?
They can.
Thank you HG.
Crikey.. I’m imagining a lesser sociopath! I think the guy I sent to school with that I mentioned recently, might have been one of them!!
Really interesting Leigh. What I have read and seen is with autism. There is empathy but it is diminished in certain situations….but you are correct Autism like anything and everyone else can have co-morbidities like the Sandy Hook shooter who was autistic, what else I do t know who shot you a bunch of kindergarten children in Connecticut.
Hi Contagious,
In my comment to Jade above, I’m not referring to Autism at all. ASPD is Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is the umbrella term for sociopath and psychopath.
I know autistic people have empathy. My brother was never officially diagnosed with autism because of his age but I’m sure was autistic and he had empathy.
Jade,
Mr. Tudor’s analyses on Breaking Bad & Better Call Saul have been helpful with understanding the differences between narcissists, psychopaths & sociopaths. The Tuco Salamanca analysis was particularly enlightening.
Perfect, thanks Leigh. I watched BB years ago, I’ll check that out.
I’ve watched Walter, Leigh (really good, I found the ocd part particularly interesting). I’ll check out Tuco next…
Dear HG,
Who is your favorite painter or painters if you have a few?
I would not state I have any particular favourite painters (save where I would be engaging in mirroring) but rather it is particular pictures that I favour.
Thank you very much for replying, Sir. Would you mind to share, at least, one example of a painting you like? My wild guess it might be something from Hieronymus Bosch? Or Kandinsky? I hope it’s not a black square. Or I’m completely off on guessing, and you favor something from Monet? Sorry, I’m really curios.
And I have another question, if possible, is there a famous painter who was a psychopath? And in general, can a psychopath be a painter? I assume, no, cause it doesn’t fit to a necessary triad goals. Correct? Only narcissist can be a painter, I think.
Why I’m I drawn to you? Is it addiction? How can I read absolutely heinous things you’ve written and still come back to read more? I’m I an idiot? How do I stop?
1. An empath is naturally drawn to me because of what I am.
2. The allure is greater owing to the sophistication level.
3. People are also drawn to me by way of intrigue concerning my behaviours, gratitude for the freedom my work provides them.
4. Reading here, watching my videos and consulting with me is not the behaviour of an idiot. It is the behaviour of someone seizing the power through access to the best information and done so in a safe and arms length engagement.
I got it! I know what I’m going to do. Whenever my mind starts to fantasize about you I’m going to picture you unfavorably. I pick the wizard of Oz. Not the sexy Geoff Goldblume Wicked movie version either. The original ol Wizard. If my imagination can go one way it can certainly go another. That ought to fix it. 😁🤭😋
I picture him as a Gollum, forever looking for his precious one, but can’t find. They all let him down.
🤣🤣🤣🐱🏍
GP,
Mr. Tudor is amazing! He provided me with validation and gave me clarity. How could I not be drawn to him. If you stay here, you’ll see that you’re not an idiot and in fact, it’ll be one of the smartest things you’ve ever done.
You can’t just dip your toe in darkness.
With Mr. Tudor you definitely can!
Dear Mr Tudor,
Here’s “my” Digital ID 🖕🏼
🤣
What’s say you Mr Tudor ?
Morning HG, How much of your day to day life is taken up with us.. the blog, YT, consultations etc, on average?
It varies. It depends on what other matters I have to attend to of a professional and private nature, that then affords a certain amount of time which can then be dedicated to consultations, detectors, creation of videos, moderating comments and addressing the many emails or not in some instances.
Thanks HG. Your productivity seems extraordinary. 👌
Hi HG
Before you became “aware” would you have technically been a mid ranger narcissist by this logic? (No insult meant hehe 😅). Does the process of becoming aware, change the category?
Thanks!
No, you need to do more reading.
Dear HG,
You were aware of your behaviors and you were aware that you were different before your ex girlfriend talked to you. So, you were already a Greater even then. I remember you seeing in a few interviews, every time the interviewer would ask you about your narcissism. They seem to ask it a lot. Xx
Correct. You saved my fingers.
Thanks Rebecca and HG. I do remember reading that you knew something before your ex girlfriend.
Just putting this together some more, other narcissists who have realised what they are that I’ve read about seem to have had an inkling or notice their internal reactions beforehand even if they didn’t have a word for it.
Hi HG,
1. You are accepting of being a P/N you said. Do you think a greater narcissist (non psychopath) would be as accepting of realising they’re a narcissist or do you think your logical approach facilitated that process for you?
Happy to help, HG! Xx
You’re welcome, Jade!. Xx
I meant “saying” not seeing…🙄🫣xx
Ok thanks HG. If you or any readers have any suggestions for articles or YTs, that would be appreciated.
Hi HG, I think I have it now… So a greater narcissist is always aware of something about their internal workings and how they operate in the world, even if not of the actual word, narcissist. They may learn that in time. Is that correct?
Correct.
Thanks HG
Jade, Mr. Tudor referred to his classification as upper greater elite in the past. Upper greater school, elite cadre (mix of somatic and cerebral) prior to transcending and assuming his place as the Ultra.
Ah thanks Dani.. that’s really helpful. That’ll be my next lesson to learn about. 🧐
Hi HG,
I hope you’re well.
Thinking about nature vs nurture today lol:
1. If you hadn’t of had a LOCE / Nmother growing up, is there a chance that you’d not have developed into a narcissist yourself and kept more prosocial traits despite having the brain patterns of a psychopath? I’m also thinking of the neuroscientist who discovered he was a psychopath when researching brain scans (James Fallon)? He had a positive upbringing and feels it softened some of the potential traits he’d been born with.
2. I have always been able to see (sometimes in hindsight) and apologise for mistakes I’ve made with others but I didn’t learn that from either parent or anyone else growing up. Is that purely nature / emotional empathy at play?
Thanks again!
1. Your suggestion has considerable force.
2. Emotional empathy and a societal influence.
Thank you HG. I find the link (or not ) between narcissism and psychopathy very interesting.
Hello Jade:
While so much is DNA, I think psychopaths are born and narcs made. Both have the DNA but with a psychopath there is immense literature that you are born that way. If a psychopath is raised in an unstable environment, it can worsen his traits. Whereas with a narc, the unstable environment 0-9 creates a narc ( although others say 0-3), so it isn’t at birth.
That’s my understanding too, thanks Contagious. Interesting about the ages re narcissists. It’s scary ti think of his much effect parents have (both ways) at a time we dint remember.
I don’t know about empathy being purely societal influence. If you can be born without it why can’t you be born with it?
Capacity.
Hi HG, by societal influence do you mean I may have picked up at school, from TV etc about the merits of kindness?
An individual has capacity for emotional empathy which is then nurtured by societal influences.
GP says,
“I don’t know about empathy being purely societal influence. If you can be born without it why can’t you be born with it?”
Mr. Tudor responds,
“Capacity.”
That made me sad to read that. I know, that’s my ET. It still made me sad.
HG: are you saying empathy isn’t in our DNA? That would be surprising to me as it runs deeply in my family…
Sorry HG, I’m still a bit confused re capacity.
Is this right? …
we’re not born with empathy but have a certain capacity (or not) which then grows or diminishes depending on life circumstances and how we develop emotionally (or not)?
You have capacity to develop it. Some people do not have such a capacity. Human infants actually function in a narcissistic way when they first arrive in the world.
Sure! Research has identified several genes that may be associated with empathy, though the topic is still developing. Here are a few notable genes that have been linked to empathetic traits:
1. **Oxitocin Receptor Gene (OXTR)**: Often referred to as the “love hormone,” oxytocin plays a key role in social bonding and emotional regulation. Variants of the OXTR gene have been associated with empathy levels, suggesting that individuals with certain genetic profiles may be more sensitive to social cues and better at understanding others’ emotions.
2. **Vasopressin Receptor Gene (AVPR1A)**: Similar to oxytocin, vasopressin is involved in social behaviors, bonding, and emotional response. Some studies suggest that variations in the AVPR1A gene may impact social behavior and altruistic tendencies, contributing to the capacity for empathy.
3. **Serotonin Transporter Gene (SLC6A4)**: This gene is linked to the regulation of serotonin, a neurotransmitter involved in mood and social behavior. Research has indicated that specific variations in the serotonin transporter gene might influence emotional processing and empathy.
4. **COMT Gene**: The catechol-O-methyltransferase (COMT) gene is involved in the breakdown of dopamine in the brain, affecting mood and emotional responses. Variants of COMT have been studied in the context of empathy and social cognition, potentially influencing how we relate to others emotionally.
It’s important to note that empathy is a trait resulting from complex interactions between multiple genes, and these factors are often further influenced by environmental experiences. The study of genetics and empathy is ongoing, and our understanding continues to evolve.
Contagions have had studies on mirroring.
Sorry but I think every species is highly developed by DNA and in time we will find it’s all DNA with the environment bettering or worsening it.
Why do you think empathy has no relationship to DNA?
I agree that a baby left without touch or nurture will not be empaths but studies show biologically and mentally damaged so innately empathy cannot exist perhaps on its own in extreme neglect cases as the studies on Romanian orphans show. But that’s extreme neglect. There are many examples of people coming from poor, neglectful even violent backgrounds where empathy prevails.
And there are studies on contagions showing differences in the brain .
I really want to know why you think empathy isn’t genetic only from nurture and not nature?
In my family there are generations of empaths and it’s well spread. I have Swedish, Norwegian, Danish, Germanic tribe and English DNA. Surely nurture alone did not create such a large and I mean large… my father had 4 sisters, one had 11, the other 9, the other 7, the other 5 and he had three. My uncle died with 61 children, grand children and great grand children. And they are all to my knowledge empathetic people. My Aunts to me were near saints. Family , Faith and Love. Surely over the decades it could not have been nurtured alone. I think it’s in the blood or DNA at least too. ???
I did not say that empathy is not genetic.
Ok, thanks HG, that makes sense.
Thanks HG.
Mr. Tudor says, “You have capacity to develop it. Some people do not have such a capacity.”
I’m curious which people don’t have a capacity to develop empathy. Would it be individuals with ASPD or some other disorder. If there are other disorders that would cause people to not have the capacity for empathy, could you give some examples?
Thank you for your time.
Psychopathy is a situation of having no capacity for emotional empathy.
Thank you for your reply, Mr. Tudor.
I have a follow up question, please.
Since psychopaths don’t have a capacity for empathy and you are a psychopath, does that mean you never had the capacity for empathy?
Correct.
Hi HG, in regards to Leigh’s question about your capacity for empathy and the question I asked last week about if your psychopathic traits might have been “softened” without matrinarc as your mother (you said possibly) how would that work? You still wouldn’t have had empathy but may you have displayed less psychopathic traits?
Matrinarc is not the orchestrator of my psychopathy.
Hi HG Apologies, that last line should have read narcissistic traits not psychopathic, I get that your mother wasn’t the orchestrator of your psychopathic traits.
Hi all,
I’ve just been listening to this interview of HG from Doug and it’s all very useful obviously but at the very last bit, they talk about the creation of an empath and I thought I’d drop the link here. I learnt a lot and it sounds like it will be dived until deeper in part 4 too..
https://youtu.be/Q5MnithnHd4?si=S0lcX2HNqWshi3sx
HG the analogy you used of the clock and how empaths and narcs are created was really helpful too. Thank you.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Here we go, wakey wakey……
Starmer has introduced digital ID for all adults (the limp biscuit is saying it’s going to keep track of immigration) haha
From our history books, wasn’t it referred to as tattoos ?
All the narcy psychopaths are coming out to play and moving swiftly now especially after Trumps little chin-wag.
I see the ex French President Sarkozy has been jailed for 5 years for doing deals with Libya ….how exciting!
New show on Stan called The Hack, true story over the cover ups on the illegal corruption of Britain’s top newspaper. Most enlightening for those interested.
Everything is getting juicer by the day, what’s next I wonder ?
What say you Mr Tudor ?
Afternoon HG,
1. Greaters don’t necessarily know they’re narcissists (or have that word for it), until someone points it out or similar, as with your ex girlfriend in your case. Does it follow that anyone that can see it (even if they haven’t always seen it), is a greater? And any lowers or mid rangers would never see it?
2. Have you (or if not, have you considered) doing a diagram / spectrum of all the different groups you have categorised i.e. Ns, normals and Es? I can see it all in my head I think but also interested in the ASPD end of the spectrum and how that interplays with Ns.
Thanks as always 😊
An aware narcissist is categorised as a greater.
I may do so.
Thank you HG. 🙏
Dear HG,
You’re being paid a handsome sum by the Powers that Be, to come up with a collective noun for Empaths and the same for Narcissists. One for Psychopaths if you fancy, for an extra bonus. I suppose you’d best think of one for Narcissistic Psychopaths too, for higher remuneration. The terms will go in the Oxford English Dictionary! What do you choose?
I thank you, if you indulge.
Am I? What is this amount and who is paying me?
Ah, I knew you’d say something like that! After I sent the question I thought, perhaps I ought to have said: “Imagine if you will, that you’re being paid….” 😀 Or, “If you were being paid a handsome sum to come up with the Oxford English Dictionary definition of a collective noun of: empaths; narcissists and psychopaths respectively, what would you come up with? A Brucey Bonus would be to proffer a collective noun term for narcissistic psychopaths.”
A kindness of empaths, a pride of narcissists (although the narcissists may not like to share that with lions) and a calculus of psychopaths.
Clever, HG.
Marvellous! Thank you for those. The pride is great, with a little challenge to the narcissists, to boot. Better than my ones: a clusterfuck of empaths; a fustercluck of narcissists and a WTF?! of psychopaths.
Goodness me, somebody needs to wash their mouth out!
Hello again, HG.
Paul Burrell’s back on the radar. Another ‘Unflushable Turd’. It caused me to wonder if you’d bothered to T-Scope him? I checked your channel and it seems not. He has the air of James Corden’s (all together now: “Arse Hole”) brutha from anutha mutha. Ie, possible narcissist.
I get the feeling he would not be worth your efforts of research and analysis. Am I right? 🙂
I have not analysed him. He fits the description of turd aptly.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Trump has just delivered his speech at the UN conference, a must watch! This is where being a narcissist has its advantages. Our media reports are now “criticising” him for telling it like it is! Typical!🤦♀️
What say you Mr Tudor?
Dear Mr Tudor,
Arrrh yes, behold, the narcissist responds by coming out to play with denial, vitriol and verbal diarrhoea. Just because he wasn’t invited to the state banquet, he’s spat the dummy. Right from your play book, what say you Mr Tudor ?
Love your new intro HG!
Thank you.
Hi Rebecca,
If it’s ok to post with HG to this here, I restarted a new thread to make it easier. This video is about the “final stage of the empath post abuse” via Jung (it makes me wonder if he’s describing becoming more “super” as we heal even if that’s not our school/cadre). Very validating…
https://youtu.be/DkkMjOWtomU?si=ImRjqqDyCfOXJTxD
Hi Jade,
I watched the video you shared with me. And my stepson also was talking about Empaths abd Shadow work. Empaths and Shadow work is what he was relating to me about…the change he noticed in me. I’m more aware of people’s behaviors, I can see through more facades than before….he noticed it. He showed me a book on Shadow work for the empath and I showed him HG’s CHAINED book. We discussed both books and he is going to purchase HG’s CHAINED book.
He was interested in HG’s catagories of people and narc behaviors. We had a long discussion over the two subjects.
It’s why I’m leaning towards Empathic for him, but I think he has Super and CoD together, I think they play on how he is aware he manipulates and why he manipulates. He gets even with his Uncle, he knows his Uncle is fake and he enjoys poking the bear and showing others how fake his Uncle is by watching him freak out in a rage fit.
Our conversation left me feeling positive and I’m interested in hearing what he thinks of HG’s work. I’m looking forward to another discussion with him.
I get why my stepson noticed my healing and my awareness of the dynamics I grew up in and even the one we have with his Dad. He’s aware his twin sister and his mother are narcissists. I didn’t get to discuss his Dad and his view on his Dad. Xx
I noticed when I transferred to my new location at work, that I quickly discovered who to avoid at work, the fake people etc. I didn’t realize my healing would change me so much. Xx
Hello Jade
I’m not Rebecca, but I’ve also suffered narc abuse, I just don’t like to talk about it.
I’ve watched this YT video you have suggested, and tbh, I don’t like it. As I understood, It states a final stage is to become immune to any manipulation. An empath cannot do that, unless it’s either a dead empath or completed mentally broken one. Even with HG knowledge, we can be manipulated. Ofc, now we have tools to identify it earlier, but still. Benign manipulation is a hard one.
“I’m becoming sovereign” … This word “sovereign” always reminds me of the Lord of Rings., when I learned it for the first time. Cool word.
Hi Rebecca, I’m glad you liked the video, I wasn’t sure whether to post it but I got a lot from it and haven’t found much else other than here with HG about the empaths evolution so to speak. It’s very cool when you start seeing through people, isn’t it? I’m finding the same. I think I always did in hindsight but my fawning response got in the way and I’d second guess myself or blame myself. Not anymore lol. 🥷
Hey Jade:
I read Jung for years and I like his dream analysis theories and archetypes and can see how it fits with HG and even the DSM. But I find him limited. His archetypes
Are sometimes ambiguous and open to interpretation. In short, helpful but an early psychologist like Freud. Dr Linneman is more helpful for today with DBT. If and drugs. Modern drugs do help.
I know what you mean, Contagious. I’ll check out Dr Linnemann too. I haven’t read a lot about DBT but some and found the emotional regulation side of things helpful. I’m on antidepressants for chronic pain for the second time and would be unlikely to come off it anytime soon. I worried about being on meds for a long time but it’s a great fit and I feel more myself emotionally if anything. And such helpful dreams too! I’m glad you mentioned that. I think that Jung video specifically summed up a lot of the interval evolutions I’m noting in myself.
Hi Arya, I know what you mean about manipulations and I think is why HG says to us “once you know, you go” regardless of whether we’re “sovereign” or super etc.. we still shouldn’t let ourselves be hurt. I didn’t feel that the video was saying we should but that was my take. 🤔
I was interested in the changes that empaths go through post abuse (I also thought the “wounded wounders” explained a lot of people now too) as I don’t find much information on that apart from here. I’m finding some cool stuff happening myself though it’s hard to explain to people in my life without sounding a bit cray cray! 😜
Yes, I liked “sovereign” too. Tbh all this stuff, shadow work, gatekeepers etc feels very lord of the rings and GOT ..I think they touch on those archetypes in life that are true regardless… 🧙♂️🪄
Dear Mr Tudor,
Algorithms threw me an instagram account under the title of Awkward Flyer who sounds and speaks in a manner very similar to yourself.
Have you diversified and are you the Awkward Flyer by any chance ?
No.
Dear Mr Tudor,
What a shame, he’s sarcastically witty by “taking the mickey” out of anyone and anything, haha
(All the Tudorites rush to look up up Awkward fFyer on Instagram…)
Excuse my typos. Apparently I suddenly have a stutter…
Hehe. He does sound like HG!
I like your avatar SW.
Dear SW,
Haha possibly, did you ?
Of course I did 😊 He does sound similar, but its not HG. While HG uses a received/BBC accent he still has what I think may be a sprinkling of a northern accent – especially when he says words like ‘buzz’ and ‘tongue’ and he fully enunciates the ‘ing’ in words with ‘ing’ in them. Not that I’ve been paying any attention over the last 9 years…
SW (StrongerWendy)
Dear SW,
Hahahah
Well done on your attention to detail SW. The way he says “Behold and ahh yes” felt familiar, however, the capabilities of narcs never surprise me. Overall, it’s very entertaining.
Hello, H.G.!
1) My first question is this. I can always see something in every person that is worth noting — something “good,” special, and so on. Therefore, when I give compliments, they are always sincere.
But let’s suppose that this was not the case. If someone were being insincere and gave a narcissist a “fake compliment,” would the narcissist sense the falseness? Or would it still be received as positive fuel? In other words, does sincerity matter, or is the only thing that matters the emotional charge behind what is said?
2) I can’t understand this: how is it that on the one hand a narcissist fears nothing, but on the other hand can have isolated phobias?
The narcissist may not immediately ascertain the falsity of the compliment although generally narcissists are fairly adept at “sniffing” out such falsity because it is rather rare for most victims of narcissists to behave in such a way. Repeat the behaviours and the narcissist will be alive to such falsity promptly.
Narcissists do experience fear. They may claim not to do so as part of their projection of superiority.
This is interesting HG and Josephina and I agree. I was also thinking about Trump and some of “my own” narcs.. some are easier to deal with if you flatter their ego or at least avoid landmines but yes, falsity wouldn’t go down well.
Thanks for the answer, H.G.
A couple more questions:
1) Aha. I see. But there’s another nuance… What if, for example, it’s a “false compliment,” but in this context: The boss is a narcissist, and his subordinate (also a narcissist) is forced to flatter him. Isn’t that also false, in theory…?
2) Do narcissists get tears in their eyes when they peel onions? Are these tears never genuinely caused by anything? (They’re always manipulation, pursuing some goal)?
3) I’ve observed narcissists’ skin tone change during conversations; in literature, this is described as “the blood draining from his face,” and a pallor appearing. What can we assume the narcissist is feeling/thinking at this moment?
4) Also about fear: are there really narcissists who are afraid/dislike public speaking?
And one more thing: we can’t really compare the fear experienced by a narcissist with the fear experienced by an empath? Is it stronger and more intense in an empath or not?
5) For a narcissist, if I understand correctly, there are no good or bad people; there are only those from whom they can gain something for themselves (fuel) and those from whom they can’t. Can a narcissist act fairly? Or does it always serve some purpose, like maintaining a facade, etc. For example, if a narcissist is a boss and they see one employee (the narcissist) be unfair to another (the empath), can they intervene to resolve the situation? Or outside of work… in short, a narcissist would never do anything without a reason?
6) Can we say that a narcissist is truly lonely? After all, it turns out that nothing in their life is permanent. And they can’t feel a “sense of community” with anyone, because no one they choose is their equal.
7) Would a narcissist ever agree to what’s called an “open marriage”? So, does that mean only they can cheat, not their IPPS?
8) Can a narcissist work remotely and spend most of their time at home, not with other people? I know of at least one such case (but it was a specific period of time, and we don’t know if the narcissist was depressed).
9) Actually, forgive my bias, but I’m genuinely curious… you’re a somatic narcissist, not a cerebral one… you’re not a doctor… But you were the one who was able to do what you did. Well, that’s a real mystery to me. (You’ve covered the details, but it’s not enough.) What contributed to your awareness? How did it all really happen… a coincidence? Something else?
Well, now you know at least one such story… My ex-psychopath. Narcissus was self-aware, but he didn’t take advantage of this idea… I was thinking about “opportunities.” But he was from a fairly wealthy family, although maybe he was born in the wrong country… Anyway, I’m curious how such achievements are achieved and what lies behind the decisions people make. There won’t be a question here, you won’t tell me anything anyway. My version #505: You were given a condition: either you create this website or face prison time… oh well! LOL
10) Why does disappointment in one person a narcissist, make an empath disillusioned with all of humanity? Why do you start seeing the world the same way they do?
Hi Rebecca,
Sorry. If this is a duplicate, I lost my first comment.
Yes, I do speak my mind and I enjoy calling people out on questionable behaviors. It made me chuckle when I read that in your comment, lol. Its definitely my justice trait at work. I think there’s some pride in there too though.
I can have self doubt too. Not about what I’ve said though. I don’t doubt or ruminate about the things I’ve already said or done. My ruminating & self doubt happens before I say anything. I can sometimes think that I don’t have anything to offer or that I’m not good enough.
As for the death penalty, I’m opposed to it. But its not because of the murderer. I don’t care what happens to them. I can totally understand why you want justice for the victims. You’re not wrong for wanting them to pay. Many people are for the death penalty. I’m just a bit of a weirdo. I struggle with the death penalty because of the prison officer who carries out the execution. Does he now have blood on his hands? What about the prosecutor who seeks out the death penalty, or the 12 jurors or the judge who imposes a death sentence? Do they have blood on their hands? I don’t why but its something I’ve grappled with for a long time.
Now, if an “accident” should happen while they’re in prison by another inmate, so be it.
Hi Leigh,
😄 I like your ability to speak your mind and I am getting some pointers from a few of you all here. Xx
I’m glad the authorities arrested the killer, that he’s not out on the streets. If he gets life in prison, I’m pretty sure it will be in a private cell, away from other inmates. They learned from what happened to Dahmer, to keep the high profile offenders in a private cell.
I hope HG covers his trail and the trail of Kirk’s killer too. Xx
Dear HG, Will you be covering both trails? I hope you do. Xx
Hi Leigh:
I was offered a job in the US Attorneys Office despite saying I am not in support of the death penalty. My reasons were not just religious it costs the taxpayers millions of dollars without any deterrent effect. It’s simply cheaper to remove them from society so they don’t cause any more harm.
Hi Contagious,
Did you take the job? What would you have done if you had to seek the death penalty? Is that why you didn’t take the job?
Morning HG, I’m not religious in the traditional sense but was thinking about Jesus (the man as well as spiritual figure) and thinking his behaviours sound “super” empathy like. Calling out hypocrisy, standing up to bullies, not “performing” at being good but being real. what do you think?
I’m guessing my question about Jesus being a super empath might have been answered elsewhere on the blog. Does anyone know? Thanks 🙏
HG has not publically commented about Jesus. But my guess would be historically even “ not a narc.”
Lol!
Hey Jade:
Jesus was the empath. Even if you don’t believe he was the son of God. Plenty of evidence he existed. Josephus the Jewish historian but called him a heretic and a sorcerer ( his miracles). Roman scholars write of him too like Ptomely. The “ Christos” problem as they “ chanted in the streets like he was a King.” Those writing if you look it up who witnessed him and his teachings wrote what 40 years late. Not 400 years later Luke Alexander the Great. Constantine either saw a political group he could not fdefeat with lions or did have a sign. The numbers exploding to become the largest religion in the world say it all. And I find it reveals the general good of people. While I don’t follow the Ild Testament or Paul’s writings of women, get a book on everything Christ said. And either you believe he was the son of God or he was a madman, no evidence of madness. He spoke of love, kindness, compassion, meekness, humility, forgiveness. Not riches, power etc… He said love thy enemies, love thy neighbor, and when tortured he said father forgive them for they don’t know what they do. Heal the sick. Heal the poor. Freely you received. Freely you must give. Yes he spoke of joining him, casting away Satan and putting your hands in God He said don’t be afraid of those who kill the body but those who kill the body and soul. If I glorify myself I am nothing. It is the Father that glorifies me. He said to the thief and muderer next to him, repent and seek God. God would forgive them. He said about the adulteress being stoned “ which one of you is without sin that can cast the first stone?” He washed the feet of a prostitute and told her to sin no more. He welcomed all, a Jew who welcomed gentiles. He loved children. Let them come to me. The problem with Christ was He was the perfect empath. The bar is too high for us sinners to reach. But we don’t need to do works, we need to try our best to follow his shoes, repent and believe. I would challenge anyone to find fault in Christ.. the man or my God. Life is short. Eternity is long
Thanks for this Contagious. You have such a breadth and depth of knowledge on so many topics.. I’m in awe!
I always rejected Catholicism which was forced upon me as a child, but did always feel that Jesus was the real deal and an interesting man. I would say an empath but also the more I learn about supers, I think he would have had a fair bit of that in his EDC results! He stood up for what he believed in even when it made him unpopular and didn’t suffer fools gladly ..
Tudor… You calling Heathcliff a narcissist is making me question everything, considering that to me he represents a symbol of all consuming, undying Love…
Anything that is described as all-consuming, a rather destructive trait when you think of it, does not fit my definition of love. Love is something that builds you up without destroying your previous identity.
Mr. Tudor,
My mind is blown right now! Thank you for the analysis of Mark Gordon and Constance Marten. I had a feeling about Gordon. I’m shocked about Marten though! As always, an excellent analysis!
Dear, H.G. Tudor!
I believe that your books should be included in the list of required reading for those studying psychology/psychotherapy. This is my professional opinion.
I am currently reading “Black Flag.”
Could you please clarify: on the Gumroad platform I noticed that there are two more e-books, which I will gradually purchase (and not only books, of course).
But as I understand it, the rest of your books are available on Amazon.com. Can they only be purchased in a format that requires a special application (Kindle) to read, or is it possible to get them simply as a PDF file? Not everyone has the ability to download Kindle…
The books on Amazon are either available as paperback or to read on Kindle. The paperback availability will be extended when I receive the updated covers.
Hello, H.G. Tudor.
How many languages do you speak? Is the audio consultation only available in English?
Five. Yes, only in English.
Five?! Cool!!!
Hi HG:
I have watched 4 episode des on Constance and Gordon and I think the judge made the right decision about her but he should be locked up for life.
Did you consider Constance’s mother? Yes single mothers are common. Half divorces end. Men leave and rich men feel justify the money being paid as accountability for their departure.
But sorry mother and daughter are whack jobs. Mother is a desperate religious zealot who takes her naive young daughter to where? NIGERIA? Hello? The daughter gets abused by a cult leader for three months. Ummm shocker? But where was mommy dearest after carting her young daughter there? Constance could have died. Now let’s look at the apple that didn’t fall far from the tree… Constance meets the psycho Gordon. How long did it take her to realize he is an abuser? She isn’t stupid. She was an entitled kid who traveled, didn’t take school seriously, didn’t work and tried acting until she met the monster. She spits out 4 children quickly with him and despite having the access to money, police and social services available to secure her children’s safety… like her mother…. She neglects them. Now think about how the baby died. Gordon wasn’t there. She went bus stop to bus stop to bus stop with a newborn baby barely clothed while witnesses heard and saw the baby in distress. What mother of a newborn does this? Gordon might be controlling her but not enough that this not intellectually challenged woman knows to keep a baby warm while traveling. This woman TRAVELED. She was worldly, educated, had access to money and the UK services to protect her children. She didn’t. She threw them under the bus and killed her baby. Her own mother did the same to her by bringing her to Nigeria to a cult. Most religious nuts need stability. I think her own mother was the cause of her PTSD but moreover she learned children are secondary to one’s own needs. I find both disgusting and always do. There is a case of 14 children abused ( chained, starved) in Perris, California. Both in jail. Of course the father was the one in control and the wife did his bidding. But it is no excuse who controls who. There are countless tales of women staying with abusers and their children being abused, sexually abused, killed. Most are POOR and feel they can’t leave. Many heroes fill shelters saving their children. But Constance had every ability to protect her children even while going bus to bus to bus without Gordon there. She had little to no empathy for her child. And she had the cognitive ability to know she could have saved her children but she put herself first. She chose a monster and her children did not. I do not give the slightest pass to mothers who harm their children in this way. Sorry . She might be co-dependent but if this means serving her children up on a platter to abuse, neglect and death, she belongs behind bars. And again… why not clothe a child while running bus to bus to bus to join Gordon. That falls on her. No, she has the same empathy for her children that her mother had for her taking her to Nigeria. NONE. I imagine Constance asked herself… why did my mom take me here? I imagine Constance children asked themselves looking out of a dirty water soaked tent… why did mommy take me here? If newborn Violet could talk… why doesn’t mommy keep me safe and dry? It’s disgusting. Mom and Dad equally disgusting.
Hello Contagious, which sources did you read/watch re: Constance going from bus to bus? Do you mean baby Victoria, the one who died? I just read a couple of articles from her ex, prior to Mark Gordon. Francis Abolo. The second I read in the Scottish Mail on Sunday, seems a feasible account. I did wonder to what extent drug use might have infused the whole situation. This Abolo said the same, yet also said he feels the drug use was not enough to inform the behaviours and that she evidently needed help. I find it very hard to reconcile her complete loss of anchor. How was that not inherent in her? However, I suppose it’s not possble to make this a neat, black and white judgement. Well, it’s not just to do so. It seems she had a predisposition to that brainwashed kind of condition. I know someone who’s mum went full bore, born again Christian post-divorce. She was giving nearly all her wages to a TV evangelist, whom her son investigated (pre internet) and found him to be a prior criminal and gangster. He had a father he never knew, I believe this traumatised his mother early on. She seems to have this predisposition to being brainwashed and has never been reasonable since. He believes she may well be a narcissist. Point is: look at Constance’s mother AND father! They both sound like they dissociated and were not in touch with the ground, doesn’t it? I mean, talk about a bad brew. Constance liked mushies and K. and seems rootless and hapless. I mean, what did she have to hold onto, really? Take into account whatever occured in Nigeria. I know PTSD and CPTSD are very destructive. I am more than sure you know this, I think I saw you say you are a lawyer? But someone close was diagnosed with PTSD, I think it would have been CPTSD by then and she could be so weird, so abhorrent, but I know the real her. Imagine someone with a predisposition to being mentally wiped out or brainwashed, on top of the rest of it. I can’t morally reconcile it, but I can bear in mind that the damage she endured and the mental state of her parents and whatever else we do not know about, could have been enough to cause this disaster. Didn’t the judge or someone involved in the case, say they do not know if they smothered the baby and have to assume it died from cold?! It’s so dark, isn’t it?
The judge said he would not consider if smothered ( murder) or died in the cold ( neglect). HG gave a you tube. The woman traveled bus to bus to bus with a child not clothed. The judge felt they lied. Ok she might have decided as a full grown new mother to take shrooms or K. Lovely. Baby dead. There’s a difference between adult mothers and newborn babies. Some can make choices. Others are helpless. Sorry, the woman was not intellectually challenged, she could have given her baby to the authorities if she needed her drugs, Gordon , etc… that baby had no choice.
Hello again, Contagious! Thanks for responding to that stream of consciousness. I was trying to work out how such behaviour could occur, from a seemingly cognitively capable mother, if there wasn’t some inherent sadistic trait. If it truly was not an inherent trait, then clearly there was something very seriously amiss with her mental state. Mushrooms and K abuse may not have helped in former times, but I meant they can’t possibly have been enough to “cause” this tragedy, even if she’d carried on doing them. Their mad ‘road trip’ and insane behaviours gave me the impression of meth addict/psychosis antics, but drugs do not seem to be an external driver. That was my point, re: drugs. It’s just hard to believe they were behaving like that sober, but I also understand it’s beside the point.
Funnily enough, a woman in my neighbourhood had her child taken at 10.30pm by police on Thursday. She was terribly abused as a child and although she has a strong and deep bond with her highly autistic daughter, her behaviours can be neglectful, but because of how she was reared, she simply can not see it. She is in love with her little girl and vice versa, I can see it’s a complex situation and that’s nowhere near as bad as Constance and Mark Gordon. Also, this mum has no money and no family. Unlike Constance!
I watched HG’s four parter, on the ‘sister channel’. I must have missed the bus-to-bus part. I meant that she clearly has C-PTSD from what we’ve learnt, but I can’t reconcile how that – and perhaps a predisposition to being brainwashed and dominated – would result in such child neglect and baby death. It’s easy (for me) to rush to judgement, but I’ve also seen how badly trauma + early substance abuse can mess people up long term. Never that badly though! I was just embelishing on your question to HG. trying to understand, in line with HG’s conclusions and analysis. Ta-ta 🙂
5? English, Latin, French, Spanish. German? Or Italian?
Norwegian.
Josephina,
Your English is very good, not sure, why you are worried. I have done the consultations, and my English speaking skill is not at the best level due to limited practice. I believe HG has talked to plenty of people with various accents, so it won’t be an issue for him to understand you. Plus, you can turn on a video and help yourself with a gesticulation in case you are struggling to find a right word.
Arya,
You used the word gesticulation. I think your English vocabulary is superb.
Morning, HG!
Are you a taker of cold showers or torturous ice baths, à la Wim Hof?
I’ve tried to guess and here’s what I get:
(1) The Ultra doesn’t do self-flagellation.
(2) Yes, I find them somewhat invigorating and start each day with cold water bathing of some kind.
(3) If I feel like it, which is sometimes, not regularly. It depends on the outdoor temperature.
I’d love to see Wim Hof under the Tudorscope; I reckon he could be an empath. However, I believe he’d be too niche, despite being popular, so wouldn’t get the views. Perhaps if he becomes prominent for some reason…
Morning HG,
two questions:
1. Do you / have you had any other aware / greater narcissists participate constructively here on the blog (or YT)?
2. When someone is triggering the “addicted feeling” in an empathetic individual, does that often signal that we’re dealing with a narcissist? 🤔
Thanks as always 🙏
1. No.
2. Not always but often.
It’s FN turned Pro.
I got an urgent 5 AM question…
What’s your favorite DM track?
(Mine’s Walking In My Shoes followed by But Not Tonight)
Never Let Me Down Again.
Mr. Tudor,
Could you please give us an example of a sociopath or narcissistic sociopath? Maybe in your upcoming book, “Psychopath”. Thank you in advance.
Mr. Tudor,
I love the new intro to your videos! The ULTRA!
Thank you.
Dear HG
I found the graphics very exciting to watch and I loved all the explosions! The intro had all my focused attention! Xx
Jolly good.
Came to say the same. Kudos on the new intro
Thank you.
Hi HG,
I saw a comment on this thread a while back where someone asked if a (contagion I think) empath could experience the sensation of extracting fuel when a narcissist was doing it to them. I think you said yes.
I thought about this a lot. Shortly after I “realised” about my Mom being a narcissist, she was trying to pressurise me to see her. My husband also often said he never felt she was genuinely pleased to see him but it was about getting to me. In the moment when she was pushing me to see her though, I had this feeling that it wasn’t about “me” but that I provided her with something. She was acting like a drug addict craving a hit.. I wasn’t the hit, my fuel was. Is that what the other comment relates to do you think? I hope this makes sense!
Hi Jade,
My mother would pressure me to see her too. Shs even got my Dad to call me and ask for me to visit. She claimed she missed me.
She did seem like she was jonesing to see me. She used my Dad to get me to come over and visit. She knew I couldn’t say no to my Dad. I couldn’t stand to hurt him or cause him any distress.
She had him using her health as a guilt trip to come see her. She loved using guilt trips. Xx
Apart from using her own health (my mom seems to think she’s above health problems 🙄) I could have written what you wrote word for word, Rebecca!
I think my mum’s struggling now as she hasn’t got my dad as leverage. “Jonesing” is spot on! Until I “realised” I used to just think she was keen to see me. Especially on my birthday.. when she made it all about her.
Hi Jade,
My mother, at the 16th birthday party, faked a health crisis and went to the hospital by ambulance. The doctor didn’t find anything wrong with her, no evidence of a stroke or heart attack.
I figured out years later that it was a manipulation to get the day focused back to her on my birthday. I get what you mean about your birthday being about her. Xx
She used to tell me, on my birthday, that she went through 24 hours of labor to have me and I better be grateful. Guilt trip for being born. Crazy. Xx
Crikey Rebecca. I wonder if it being your 16th / becoming an adult had anything to do with it too? Less control or chance to make it about her in years to come.. 🤔 it’s funny how similar the behaviours are…
My mom made a big fuss every year and told the same really long story about my birth. I used to think it was funny but gradually realised it wasn’t about me at all and she refused to dial it back so I stopped seeing her on my birthday. I once told her she has mother’s day but that didn’t compute. I have a big birthday coming up but my OH rightly thinks imo, that she’ll probably ignore me this year. “The silent treat” 🤞here’s hoping…
Hi Jade,
My age definitely had a part to play in her treatment of me on my birthday. I was becoming more grown up, more mature, more into my own way of thinking…it was 100% threatening to her control and she had to get the attention and control back to her. What better way to do that than to act ill and get tons of sympathy from everyone. HG has a video about the Matrinarc, if you haven’t heard it, check it out. It explains more about how the attention has to go back to them….especially on milestone birthdays for other people.
The labor stories are a perfect example of getting the attention back to them. HER pain and what SHE went through, on YOUR birthday. HG makes it make sense. Xx
Exactly Rebecca. 💯 I think I’ve seen that video but a refresher isn’t ever a bad thing!
* wonders over to YouTube…
Sorry HG, that should have read *wanders* over to YouTube 🤦♀️😄 not wonders..
Good afternoon, H.G.
1. This may seem to contradict the very concept of narcissism, but still — you never know.
Have self-aware narcissists ever commented on your website and books (for example, by sending you an email) in a positive way?
2. Have you ever received threats from other narcissists?
In the Empath Detector, next to the 1-star rating it shows 3%. Who are these people who didn’t like the detector??? Narcissists who discovered they are NOT super empaths?)
3. Do all narcissists like watching cartoons? If yes, why?
4. Why do narcissists enjoy watching anime — what exactly attracts them there?
5. Can fuel only be obtained from a person? If so, then what do you experience when reading a book, listening to a piece of music, or enjoying delicious food, for example? As for alcohol, I remember you wrote about tha
6. Do narcissists dream, and can dreams be a source of fuel? (for example, if a dream features the IPPS)))
7. Can narcissists have phobias? Recently, one narcissist acquaintance told me that he used to have a fear of flying, but a psychotherapist helped him overcome it. Is that really possible?
8. Why is it that being around a narcissist makes your tongue loosen, as if you had drunk a truth serum?
Does a narcissist possess hypnosis?
1. Yes.
2. Yes.
3. No, they do not.
4. It serves a purpose which can be utilised with regard to the Prime Aims.
5. No, you can receive fuel from an animal.
6. Yes, they do. Yes, it would be Thought Fuel.
7. Yes.
8. Emotional thinking.
Josephine says, “Have self-aware narcissists ever commented on your website and books (for example, by sending you an email) in a positive way?”
Mr. Tudor’s response, “Yes.”
I’m intrigued! Would you be willing to share what happened?
At a future point I will publish a book detailing the various narcissists that have interacted with me and frequented this site and my inbox over the years. It is not only most informative but entertaining.
Thank you, Mr. Tudor!
“And frequented this site” – I’m really looking forward to that!
I bet! 😄
Oh, HG! That sounds like one of those books that keep you up all night! I’m looking forward to reading it! Xx
That’ll be very interesting, a book about online narcs who wanted to get in the verbal ring with the Ultra. I look forward to it. Thank you, Mr. Tudor.
Thank you very much for your answer.
Hi Rebecca & Contagious,
I’m starting a new thread because the current thread is ginormous!
Contagious,
I’m so please to read that you think Iryna’s murderer will stand trial. I’ve heard some commentators say that he might not pass a competency hearing. I hope their wrong and he gets what he deserves. What he did was brutal!
Rebecca,
I think I probably didn’t watch the video because the young woman could’ve been my daughter. My daughter takes mass transit to work. If I think about my daughter being in that position, it causes anguish in me. Its almost unbearable to think about.
I agree that our system is broken. He never should’ve been free. These things are happening more and more often now though. A couple of months ago a woman was put on fire in a NY subway by a man that shouldn’t have been in our country. There are monsters everywhere. I try not to think about it too much though other wise it can really bring me down.
Hi Leigh, Rebecca and Contagious,
It was a horrible thing, I also have not watched the whole thing, only the version that stops before he actually stabs her. I don’t want that in my mind.
I do want to note though, no firearm was involved.
Hi AV,
I agree. Firearms aren’t the problem. Its the people wielding them and they will use whatever they have at their disposal. In this case, I think the real problem was that he was on our streets in the first place.
Hi Leigh and AV,
I agree, it’s not the weapon, it’s the person behind the weapon. He used a knife to kill her. The knife isn’t to blame. The knife was created for other uses, like a gun has othet uses….for protection, not fot random killings. It’s the person using the weapon and the system needs to improve. Xx
Hi AV,
I wish I didn’t see the whole video. It was very upsetting and some responses to the killing, are upsetting too. The lack of empathy, common decency in society today is shocking and disturbing.
That far away mountain top is looking more and more appealing by the month. Xx
Hi Leigh and Contagious,
The whole incident is upsetting and I had a questions for Contagious. Why do you think he’ll stand trail and not use mental illness as a defense? If he was out on Bond, as I read that in an article, does that mean he was already proven fit for previous charges?
And Leigh, I can imagine how you feel about seeing your own daughter in Iryan’s place. I hope she stays safe and I hope this changes the lack of security on public transportation. Xx
Thank you, Rebecca. I hope my daughter stays safe too. It drives me nuts. The city is wear the money is though so that’s where she wants to be. She really tries to not concern herself with these kinds of things. She knows it can happen, but when they do, it so few and far between that she doesn’t let it deter her.
Hi Leigh,
I can understand how your daughter feels, she has to make a living and why let criminals keep her from that? I get it. Xx
Staying alert to your surroundings is an important thing and carrying mace is another staying safe option, while traveling in the city. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Yes, she carries pepper spray and a pocket knife. I really truly hope she stays aware of her surroundings. I keep my fingers and toes crossed!
Hi Leigh,
I’m glad she has defense weapons are her, that’s a relief to know and I’m sure it makes you more at ease too. Xx
We need more security on public transportation. The cameras alone aren’t detering enough criminals from doing violent crime. That gap in safety is exactly why some people choose to be a licensed gun carrier. I often wonder about being one myself. I have gone to a shooting range and tried out different guns. I liked the 9mm myself and thought about applying for a license and purchasing one. If they keep releasing repeat offenders, I might be carrying one myself. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I know there’s a lot of police in the subway/railroad stations but I’m not sure about actually on the trains. Since COVID, I drive when I go into the city. But I don’t remember their being cops on the trains. I’ll have to ask her if that’s changed. Probably not though. She usually travels when its packed but that doesn’t mean a crazy loon can’t be lurking somewhere and do something stupid.
Hi Rebecca:
Just wait. The district attorney only takes cases they win. If it is in the news, the bigger the decision to win. Of course he will have an insanity defense. But the District Attorney will have their paid psychologists and the defense will have theirs. You watched the Johnny Depp trial, right? Psychologists are paid and psychologists differ in opinion. Now consider in a murder, there is often premeditation, right? Well if someone can dress, go to the bathroom and eat and pick up a gun or a knife… that can be used to show competency or in USA knowing right from wrong. You were competent enough to plan it RIGHT? This isn’t the case of someone drooling in his excrement not knowing who he is, RIGHT? Then it goes to a jury who is disgusted by the tragedy and wants justice. Of course the competing bought psychologists lead to this conclusion. How many defendants go free on competency or insanity? Not many. It’s a joke. The prisons per Dr. Hare are filled with psychopaths. And most if not all in prison have mental illness. As a society we don’t have loads of free mental health professionals at our disposal or many at schools and we shut down the hospitals leaving it for families and prisons.
This guy is going away for life. Watch.
Thanks Contagious,
You made me feel hope that he can’t use his mental illness as an excuse for getting away with unprovoked murder.
I read that his mother debated about putting him away in a mental institution. I can only imagine the guilt, pain and grief she is going through as a mother of a son who killed someone unprovoked. I can only imagine the extent of her guilt she feels, but he’s an adult and his actions aren’t on her. He made the choices, on and off his medicine. The armed robberies and other crimes are definiely premeditated.
Thank you Contagious for your knowledge and insight into the situation. It helped my worry over the outcome. Xx
Hi HG
I’m not going to people please and apologise for another question and I dint often feel sorry for my parents but I am beginning to realise talking to you that I was probably the child who always had one more question lol!
1. If a reader tried to engage you romantically, beyond being online and you were interested, how would you stop yourself? I imagine it’s the thought of your legacy and us being assets (rather than real life prospective partners)? Presumably there isn’t the moral compass an empath would have but I feel like you wouldn’t go there. Am I right?
How would I stop myself? By applying the discipline that I have.
Thanks HG. I guess I was wondering more about the motivation to stop yourself, apologies if I was unclear.
1. Would that be your legacy and reputation?
I think there’s a sense of safety for your readers here but I suppose I’m interested in a P/N and a group of people who’ve presumably all experienced some type of abuse and how you manage that in different situations. I get the feeling you do manage it well, I’m finding it interesting how you do.
I wouldn’t tell. 😇
Just to come back to this HG, re discipline.. I guess I wondered if the seeking of fuel is easy to discipline at times, even on the blog?
Jade, however, the questions turned out to be quite “hot” :))
Crikey.. that took a turn lol! 🥴
One more question for today HG,
1. Do you notice a difference in your approach/ interactions with super empaths here vs other types of empath?
Thanks again 🙏
No.
Thanks HG 🙂
But…. HG has said in his writings that in his personal life he prefers certain empaths over another. Contagions aren’t top of the list lol
Morning HG,
I hope you had a good weekend. Today’s questions lol:
Hi HG,
1. Do you think it’s “harder” for a narcissist to be famous in the sense of others clocking on or is that irrelevant to the narcissist? The other ones wife is struggling because of this but she doesn’t know it… How does the narcissism adapt?
2. Do you ever have any desire for more intimacy with an IPPS (not love obviously on your part, but maybe to experience the unconditional acceptance they might give to you, in potentially “staying” and accepting you “despite,” your nature? (Related to a question I put on another article).
3. I know you don’t believe in God, but do you feel some sense of achievement / satisfaction in doing “good” here, as well as “not so good” IRL? Or does “good” not come into the equation?
4. Have you felt tempted to romantically engage a reader / viewer? Either through what they’ve written or by seeing them in a consultation or both? How do you handle that if so?
6. I believe your work here and what you say because you and it consistently rings true but as you say, every interaction with a narcissist is manipulative.. how can you be so different here if your nature is what it is? Do you ever slip up? If no, is there a sense of the more effectiveness we discussed recently?
7. How long did it take you to come up with your different categories? Particularly empaths? Did contagion empaths / exs tell you about lucid dreams etc for example? How do you have such depth of insight?
Very appreciative of your time and insight as always, HG.
1. What do you mean clocking on? Do you mean that people are more likely to recognise the person is a narcissist because they are famous. Firstly, that is not a given. Secondly, unless the knowledge that the famous person is a narcissist is overwhelming in number and percentage (i.e. most people refer to them as a narcissist which has not happened so far) in respect of an unaware narcissist, the narcissism just dismisses the threat to control it poses.
2. I reject intimacy save that which is required otherwise achieve what I need.
3. Any kind of satisfaction is linked to the attainment of the Prime Aims or the Necessary Triad. “Good” and “bad” are subjective determinations.
4. I can be flirtatious with a reader/viewer. They are invariably so with me.
5. The only difference is I tell you what I am, so you know what I am doing and you do not feel manipulated.
6. I do not recall a precise time period. A few weeks over time I would estimate.
Thanks HG – much appreciated as always.
A comment on 6. It does seem you have a particularly unusual talent or skill for accurately (and in depth) sizing up the various groups that comprise humanity. So related to this..
1. Do you see yourself as some kind of gatekeeper as others have commented? (Or that you have a special mission?).
A gatekeeper of what?
I am not sure where I saw the comment, i read it as maybe a reader seeing you as some kind of bridge between empaths and narcs… 🤔 Or protector of empaths (online at least). Sorry not very clear, I’ll come back if I find it..
Hi HG:
In religion, gatekeepers of all religions are called gatekeepers as they are leaders in spiritual knowledge. Their roles and tasks are different in various religions. I have hinted because of my belief system that God could be working through you to provide knowledge on narcissists and psychopaths. 95% of the brain in unknown such as unconsciousness and yes dreams. Many religious leaders would call psychopaths and narcissists evil or possessed by demand. I personally have had a pastor firmly state this. Mental illness v demonic possession is a debate. But your work gives accurate classification and knowledge about those who harm others. It’s unique. You could be a gatekeeper. In this specific context;)
Thanks for expanding on this idea Contagious. I can see how we both like discussing the esoteric. 📿 Very contagion..
I love that HG doesn’t sugar coat or pretend why he’s doing this work here but I agree that he does seem like a very unique type of N/P in his seeing what he sees in others and the depths he can access – and his providing us with this information here is something very unusual. He has to be, what he is to provide the information, but by proxy is protecting and empowering scores of empaths.
Hello Jade:
HG has helped me. He has helped you. Many others. HG has been clear that he wants to be the top authority on narcissism and psychopathy. Ask yourself why. Why would that be his goal and not money? Politics and power? And all that comes with it? No doubt he gets SOME of that but why be here. Personally I feel grateful we have him and can consult with him but what is his real driver? I feel he has an internal need for justice. He was wronged and he will set the world on fire proving it. I think it’s personal. But because of my Faith, I think God sees that Light. I believe unknown to HG, there is a Light that flows through his personal crusade… might even guide him. HG won’t see it, won’t believe in it but HG is a man who will die and once gone, he might be surprised in a good way:) That does not mean that I think HG is a perfect man, a sinner like us all. I would urge him to repent and accept God. But I have little hope in that… to be honest I don’t understand people who don’t see God, know God, feel Gods presence? To me, God is as real as anyone here on Earth. But that’s me… and I don’t care what you call him or what religion you come from, he is the creator of man, he is love, he is the light. For me…Jesus was his voice. The ideal of how mankind should be not what they are.
Hi Contagious, though my belief system is a bit different to yours I believe in something / God / love and your answer mirrors a lot of my thoughts. Thank you for sharing. ♥️
I know HG doesn’t believe in karma but on a purely logical basis, he’s clocking up a lot more positives than a narcissistic psychopath would have generally in their life time, through the work he does here. I believe we get back what we give out, and though we don’t know him IRL, he is massively improving our lives and many more.
Hi HG,
Could you talk about the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath?
Thanks!
Already done in my videos.
Ah thanks HG.. * heads over there now..
Very clear video, thanks again. HG. The question that came up for me is
1. how do we tell the difference between a sociopath and a lesser narcissist? I’m still learning a lot here but they sound very similar to me.
You use the Narc Detector.
Thanks HG. I’m not aware of any sociopaths in my life previously and there’s not now, but I would be interested to learn more on this topic in time. I had thought they’d be more calculating than they sound. 🤔
Hi Jade,
You should listen to the Constance Marten & Mark Gordon analysis. 😉😉
Jade,
I’m very interested in sociopaths too! I hope Mr. Tudor gives us an example some day like he has with psychopaths, narcissists and narcissistic psychopaths. Shoot! That should’ve been one of my questions for Mr. Tudor.
Hopefully Leigh. It’s often used interchangeablely with psychopath but seem quite different…
Thank you Leigh! I’ll do that…
I just listened to the Constance Martin srturs, Leigh.. very enlightening and shows the distinctions between lower narcissists and a sociopath, thank you.
Dear HG,
I’m a supporter of AC Milan.
I’m living a crisis… I recently I started to like the colours of Inter FC and I see Inter as a better club in the present.
They obtained 2 stars (20 times Seria A winners) while Milan has still 1 star.
Obviously someone could say, “Yes but Milan won tha Champions Leaugue 7 times while Inter just 2”.
I started to bought Inter merchandise secretly…………………………
I don’t know if this started with Chiara Ferragni posing with the Inter t-shirton instagram.
She is a narcissist MMR False Angel in my opinion. I adore Chiara…….
You detected me as empath.
However I reminded about your videos on Character Trait Acquisition.
Where you talk about and football clubs.
What is happening to me HG?????????????????????
I’d recommend choosing a different sport.
Football clearly isn’t for you!
If you were female, I would recommend the following procedure:
1. Go to a search engine of your choice.
2. Go to the picture search.
3. Type in these letters: P-A-O-L-O M-A-L-D-I-N-I
4. Look at the pictures the search brings up for at least 10 minutes.
For males, try this: Ask HG to sit next to you and watch the UEFA Champions League Final 2022/23 with you.
If that doesn’t help, nothing will.
hello, your question made me chuckle! i hope you’re not being deadly serious in your distress, but if you are i apologise! 😀 the only footie matches i’ve been to are 2 x inter milan with my fella of 8 years. once was against AC but i can’t recall the other one. he loved man U and inter. i pretended to be a ‘Boro ‘follower’ to a bloke i was trying to impress (he supported another team tho). that was pathetic, i admit. my point is: maybe HG is correct and footie is not ‘your sport’. it definitely isn’t mine either! maybe inter, simply ARE better, you just didn’t notice it. as for chiara, i have no idea who she is. have you tried spectating curling? most therapeutic.
H.G.
1) Do you think there could be a hacker who would want to hack your site/mail and reveal your identity?
2) Have you ever been in a situation where your identity could be revealed? Did any of your victims recognize themselves in your stories?
1. It is possible although it would be pointless.
2. I once checked in to a hotel and the receptionist said I sounded like HG Tudor. I feigned ignorance. They explained that they were a huge fan and explained all about his (my) work. I said it sounded interesting and I would have to look it up. He did not think that I was HG Tudor, because he would not expect HG Tudor to be at his hotel. I have not had any victim recognise themselves in my stories and tell me – either because they did not recognise themselves or they knew better than telling me.
Ooh 😲 #2
Thanks for the reply, HG. That hotel incident is funny!!))
I caught myself thinking that there are probably readers who have never encountered narcissists — or, more precisely, haven’t had close contact with them. And most likely, if I were such a person I would admire your literary talent and be tormented by the thought, “Maybe everything described is just the author’s imagination and he’s skillfully playing with the reader, exaggerating things here and there.” But alas, I belong to the group of people who read you and recognize that you’re describing a huge part of their lives (if not their whole lives). It’s already hard to read — experiencing it is even worse. But that’s the reality.
Re: answer to question 2
Anyone whom is an avid Tudorite would know that, provided your persona is mostly accurate, you would be quite at home at a lavish hotel. This leads me to conclude that it was a less-than five star establishment. But even then, savvy Tudorites have read between the lines and glimpsed that a quick romp at a pay-by-the-hour would provide the excitement and power that narcissists, perhaps even The Ultra, craves.
Forgive my candor, I mean no disrespect, only musing.
@katastrophe
He might have been staying at the hotel for work purposes and his employer is a cheapskate who was only willing to expense a travelodge
Good point. There are also times during his work that he needs to keep a low profile. Or it could be what a target prefers; not all women are impressed by big spending.
Uncouth jokes aside, perhaps a Disney resort hotel or similar. Or a campground?
Other bloggers: What accommodations would you least expect HG to be residing at?
Haha! A Disney Resort for sure! Can you imagine? 🤣
I’m not sure you could rule out any hotels katasyrophe, all depends on where they sit in the fuel matrix, what he needs to pay for to get the fuel he wants and whether they are in GP or devaluation, hoover etc. I believe HG will go wherever he needs to in order to obtain fuel.
But I have heard he does frequent travel lodges – they’re his favourite
Yawn.
Marriott, cause it has the most boring room design.
See, H.G. yawned, this shows how sleepy and cuddly he feels at the mere mention of a travel lodge.
Bored.
The last place I would expect HG to reside would be at home, because he has got what we call bumblebees in his bum!
I would least expect HG at a hotel with decent sound proofing because he would want people to listen in… the dirty bugger
Noted
Hello, H.G. Tudor!
Could this boy be a narcissist? Is this behavior typical for narcissists in childhood?
A boy of 6-7 years old. He watched his parents having sex. He finds their pornographic tapes, watches them, masturbates. There are about 30 people in the kindergarten. 15 of them are girls. He undressed all these girls, touched their genitals, sexually stimulated them. He made them touch him in response. (The story is silent about how he behaved towards boys). In this case, he “chooses” one girl, with whom, among other things, he is also constantly near: they eat together, play, dance, and so on.
P.S. “My” narcissist told me that he did not directly participate in such an act. But he could make other children do this with each other and watch.
The individual could be a narcissist. One cannot make a determination at that age nor on the sole information provided.
“Your” narcissist may have engaged in such behaviour or was revising history with his tale to manipulate you.
Thank you for your reply, H.G.
Hi again HG, One question i forgot to ask last time is ..
1. Regarding introversion and extroversion. What are your thoughts regarding how it impacts the narcissistic dynamic? A lot of empaths seem imo, to be on the introverted side though I know a few extroverts ones.. also the need for fuel can also look like the extroverts need for social interaction and the energy than get from that … 🤔
Introverted and extroverted victims impact on the narcissistic dynamic.
An extroverts need for interaction might be mistaken by the uninitiated as a fuel requirement.
Thanks HG.
Hi HG
I hope you’re having a good weekend. 👋 A few thoughts…
1. Has anyone in your “real life” seemingly got close to discovering your blog / putting together that you are HG Tudor. If so, how do you feel with it? And if not, how would you, if it did occur?
2. If you “outed” yourself in future, how would you deal with the people who you’ve hurt realising who you are and that you’d written about them here?
3. I think I read ages ago about you have a “minion” 💛 to do your (excellent) imagery on YT. With reverse image searches etc I’m wondering how they wouldn’t have guessed that you’re HG 🧐🤔
4. Have you any articles on differentiating super empath behaviour when kicking ass vs narcissistic? 🥋🥷
5. Do you think (even if not by publicly outing yourself) that you somehow did disclose just to a primary source IPPS (??) that you’re an N/P that it might be another level of learning / evolving in romantic relationships.. if you found someone that might “stay” despite the disclosure. You’d obviously still need fuel, love bombing, devaluation etc from them (I imagine) but if you thought it might work for both of you somehow. Maybe they’d know you needed other partners too even. You seem to like learning and I wonder if that would be a further challenge, to function in a relationship without the secrecy between you and them. Does that make sense?
Oh yeh I love emojis but read that you don’t.. should I stop or is that people pleasing! 😏
Lol I feel a bit nervous asking you some of this but think it’s alright to do so 😅
1. No. It would not occur.
2. it would depend on what those people did.
3. I currently create the thumbnails. In the past I had a graphic designer who did the thumbnails for me. The graphic designer is a client of mine and knows me as HG Tudor.
4. Not specifically super empathy versus narcissistic.
5. It has the potential for a different dynamic, yes.
Thanks for your candid reply’s as always HG. Re #5. Are you interested in that different dynamic?
I see the potential for stimulation.
Thank you HG.
Hi Jade. If H.G. allows me to put in my two cents, you’ll see this comment.
It seems to me that such a dynamic is mind-blowing for a narcissist, because he can get all kinds of fuel.
I can tell you what it’s like to live through that dynamic from the empath’s side.
I “knew” everything and I “stayed.”
Yes, in the traditional sense we didn’t have a “relationship” (with all that implies). But I was the IPPS for many years. Two months after we met I found out some things, and I kept learning for six years. It happened by accident. They were discussing a movie with a girl from my study group, and one of them said: “No, she’s not a sociopath.”To give you an idea of how naive — and, by the way, young — I was: I hadn’t heard that word before. I googled the definition and the puzzle in my head fell into place — what I read sounded so much like him. I asked — I don’t remember the exact wording — “are you a psychopath, don’t you have emotions?” He confirmed. Later, for some reason, I started calling myself an “empath.” And then my education began (so much to learn). Some of his lines: that he can’t feel anything toward other people, that he considers emotions a weakness and people hypocrites, that strength rules the world, and so on… I’m compressing this as much as possible so I don’t unload a whole book on you. Over the years there was a lot. Of course, there wasn’t terminology like “golden period” and “devaluation,” but I observed those phases many times. The “Hunger Games” began. Anyway, that’s not the point. What’s important is something else.
I saw him do this to other girls many times (by “this” I mean draining fuel). Part of me died of jealousy, another part felt sorry for those unaware girls and wanted to save them (I tried, but in vain — while completely blind to my own dire situation). And it was as if you were “friends” and as if you were “so special among everyone,” because he kept coming back to you and you “knew how things really were.”
I died a hundred thousand deaths, because it all unfolded before my eyes: with each new girl I told myself, “God, please — not her. Anyone but her. I can endure this.” I said that with every new girl. It was simply hell. Yes, you know intellectually why he does it: that he feels nothing for them, that he doesn’t even remember their names after a while… But it still hurts horribly. Especially when you’re torn between wanting him to be only yours and worrying about those girls and wanting to stop the suffering of those girls he destroys.
I remember a moment that horrified me — the devaluation period. He devalued me along with the woman he triangulated with. I remember how badly it was for me and her. But I thought I couldn’t even take a step sideways because 1) I had a “mission,” and he needed to learn the lesson and understand that he was wrong. I was doing it for him, so I had to endure. 2) I’d rather die than humiliate myself before him and beg him for solitude. And I was dying (if I could turn back time, I would have surrendered immediately.) Because so much effort had been spent and it was very painful. In short, I was in a terrible state (and we saw each other almost every day).
Imagine: I’m miserable, barely functioning, and I see her come to him in tears (because she doesn’t understand; she’s irresistibly drawn to him), and he PUSHES her away with his hand (how awful that was), mumbles something to her and doesn’t even look up at her. And she literally presses herself against him, unable to control herself. You’re tormented, you see someone else’s suffering. But I clearly remember thinking then, “bastard, I won’t give you that chance with me.”
Why am I telling all this? We weren’t in an official relationship, I “knew everything” — but that didn’t save me; I still suffered, I still fell in love. And when you love someone, it’s unbearable to share that person with someone else. Even if it wasn’t happening right in front of your eyes.
And what if you have a relationship, a marriage, children?
It’s just a meat grinder.
So I think an “empath” wouldn’t last long in such a dynamic. Either they must be indifferent to the narcissist (which is impossible, otherwise that mechanism simply wouldn’t be built into the fuel matrix).
In short, knowledge only benefits the narcissist, while for the empath — hell graciously opens its doors.
Thanks for sharing this, Josephina – I appreciate it and it helps me imagine the situation really well.. it sounds horrendous, I’m so sorry you experienced this.
I haven’t watched or read a lot by Sam Vadkin but found the dynamic of him and his wife interesting. Definitely not for everyone and I wouldn’t be able to for sure.. it’s been damaging enough with FOO.
Oh, to add here that I also experienced Ns with many friends, bosses and coworkers! Managed to finally “sort out” a recent N coworker as I’m now an empowered empath in my late forties! 🥷 Hehe.
I also remembered a joke)))) How naive I was in the beginning. (Well, damn, he was 17 years old, and I was 21, at the beginning of our journey)
My narcissist told me that he was hit by a car as a child. And I was like, “Did you get an MRI scan of your brain?” Ahahahahahahah, I thought at that moment that maybe that’s why he doesn’t feel anything and the MRI can see it.
And there was also a funny moment: I really loved the TV series “Dr. House”. And in one episode, a psychopath gets into their department. She was diagnosed with Wilson’s disease an overabundance of copper). And in general, if I’m not mistaken (it was a long time ago, ten years ago), House treats her, and she begins to experience emotions like an ordinary person. In real life, changes in the central nervous system due to the toxic effect of copper on the brain are irreversible. I sent him this passage then. And in real life, one of the signs of this disease is the deposition of copper in the cornea. Aahahahah, and I’ve tried to see the Kaiser–Fleischer rings in his eyes in my life. If there are doctors here, they will understand that it is simply impossible to do this without a light lamp.)))))!!
It was a long journey from ignorance to knowledge (From Ted Bundy to understanding narcissism and calling a spade a spade)
Josi, the chap you are describing sounds like a pure psychopath. Pure psychopaths basically don’t provide golden periods, nor respite periods. If the psychopath is not pro social, they will be after the humiliation very, very fast because of the sadistic resource they’re primarily after. Their golden period can be just one date and devaluation comes already on the next date. A golden period with a narcissist usually lasts from 3 to 18 month where a facade is presented and devaluation occurs after 3-18 month. Do you know how fast he was devaluing the other girls you were witnessing? Under 3 month?
The fact that your “relationship” lasted for six years, wasn’t intimate and you continuously suffered, points rather at a dynamic with a psychopath who engaged you sadistically in a non intimate emotional sense, enjoying the playing of games and the stimulation you provided him with by your reaction.
The fact that he told you the truth that he doesn’t feel emotions and regard them as weaknesses is not something a narcissist would ever reveal, no way. HG and all psychopath’s I’ve listened to, be they young adults or adults, say the same: emotions/empathy is a weakness and the psychopath is above others because he/she doesn’t feel them.
A greater narcissist would still have a facade towards his victims and in the situation you are describing, the facade is absent if he admits truth that easily and continues to engage with you after telling you the truth and knowing that you know who he is. It points more at a pure psychopath who doesn’t need fuel but pursues the necessary triad of the psychopath (control, stimulation, accumulation).
Psychopath : The Necessary Triad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZldVaazR8Og
Jordyguin Now I’m scared. Does H.G. Tudor also consult with them on dynamics? I’m doing this in case God forbid he shows up again.
It didn’t fit… I thought he was one of the Greaters narcissists because he was self-aware and told me this “to make it more interesting”. At the very beginning, I thought he had antisocial personality disorder. Closer to graduation, he called himself a narcissist for the first time.
Yes, I didn’t understand
1) Why all the other narcissists I’ve met seemed like “good people” compared to him. I saw that they weren’t prolonging my pain. That it was much easier for them to restrain themselves. That they weren’t making cunning plans (but then I explained it to myself by saying that they were most likely Mid-rangers and Lessers and simply weren’t self-aware.)
2) Yes, he had a sadistic streak. As if he needed negative fuel much more than positive fuel. We had a “golden period” for about a year. But… if we analyze it now, there was always an alternation of bad/good. It was always painful for me. So much so that after graduating from university I couldn’t go there, because it was like a torture chamber for me. And yes, I was always amazed that he had no facade, everyone in our group knew about his reputation, they were afraid of him. But again, he alternated his behavior. The image of a “victim” changed to the image of a “tyrant”. And all this was accompanied by grandiosity.
As for the other girls, our medical faculty was divided into several streams, about 200 people in total. He had several girls in each. I think the golden period lasted for several months for sure. They had flowers, and candy, and kisses. I didn’t have that. I remember one of the first messages to me, when it all had already started: “But no. Not here. I can’t. More precisely, I don’t want to. I think you understand what I wanted to say.” As if he had decided to keep his distance from me (even though he was everywhere). And yes, there was often such a dynamic: while everything was good with one, it was bad with the other. I remember HG wrote that this was necessary for contrast. And I also remember that HG wrote somewhere that if a narcissist has IPPS and does not stalk you, it means that he is not prone to sadism.
He had several features.
1) A really high intellect. I remember he took an IQ test and his score was sky-high. All his teachers noted his genius. Unique abilities, considering that he did not study much.
2) He could look different in photographs (just like Ted Bundy)
3) He had very poor color discrimination, practically colorblind. When I read about psychopaths, there was something about this.
4) He lied and manipulated a lot. He plotted and schemed to isolate me from my friends, set me against the group, my best friend. When he found out that a young man from another medical stream was courting me, he talked some girl into seducing him (I found out later). He set up my friend (I won’t describe how now). There was a lot of everything.
5) He was very impulsive.
6) He said that he couldn’t drink alcohol because: “then I start doing what I want”
7) He triangulated me with a man.
8) He only once in his life intentionally brought me to tears, but then “got into my head” and corrected it.
9) There were periods when he denied his psychopathy and said that he “joked” in order to hurt me more.
And one more terrible moment: I have a peculiarity, although perhaps others feel the same way. When I communicate with narcissists, I seem to start to feel the same as they do. That’s how it was with him, I felt both his pain and his pleasure.
We had classes in the morgue. They sawed up corpses there. And I remember the state of euphoria that he felt. Because I felt what he was experiencing.
Jordyguin How will I sleep normally now?
P.S. In good news, I think I’ll be able to pass the empath detector this weekend.
P.S. №2 Thanks for the video, I’ll watch it.
I watched the video. It was brutal.
Curious if a pure psychopath can switch between being slightly more prosocial when sober and have a bit of a facade to blend in and charm in work situations and is calculated and intelligent but then when drunk the antisocial behavior becomes dominant and the facade is gone.
My ex kind of fits that description. I need to complete my narc detector. The categories of narcissists fit somewhat with my ex but not completely because I believe he had ASPD (but undiagnosed).
He was narcissistic but not as much as he fits into psychopathic traits. He didn’t give a shit what people thought and was unapologetically himself. He was aware of his behavior and calculated. He was impulsive when drunk. He never used the term sociopath or narcissist but I called him that a few times and he calmly mocked the suggestion. But he knew.
He also had a very sweet endearing side and lived for his cats and cried when they died and it was real weeping. They gave him so much affection and he was so good with them.
Oh my god. Has it finally happened? I just completed the Empath Detector (really!!) and am now waiting for a response from H.G. Tudor.
Post redacted owing to breach of confidentiality provisions.
Violetfire
“He also had a very sweet endearing side and lived for his cats and cried when they died and it was real weeping. They gave him so much affection and he was so good with them.”
Unusual…..
My “narcissist,” or rather “psychopath,” was neutral toward animals; thank God, he didn’t torture them.
He definitely had a sadistic streak, but there was also a lot of narcissism in him. A lot.
Hello Josephina,
Congratulations on completing EDC. What is your preferred outcome ? Do you want it to show that you are an empath or not? Or it doesn’t matter and you accept any results regardless?
Hi Jordy and Josephine:
I was married to a pure psychopath and had a daughter by him. We were married 7 years, together 8. He was diagnosed after a two year evaluation including MMR testing, visits, surprise visits, interviewing family, friends etc… it cost each of us 10,000 in this highly contested custody dispute. She was the top child custody evaluator with 40 years experience in rich Orange County. She diagnosed him with ASPD. But she gave him 20% custody. I was freaked out! Ted Bundy would share time with my child!? She told me not all psychopaths are blood thirsty and said studies show a relationship with both parents was good for the child. She asked me to let her be Daddy’s girl and all the love would come from me. She said one parents love was enough. Now I get it. I didn’t then. Hindsight is 20/20. My ex provided a great life for me and my children. I had a son entering age 1, and he had two tween age kids. He was rich and provided very well. He was stable. No fighting. He treated me like a Queen. It wasn’t until the FBI called and I found out he was a lying cheat and a criminal and I left him. He wasn’t happy I wanted the divorce and that’s when I saw his other side but I rallying help from lawyers, state services and other sources ( my priest friend who has ties to the mob)… and once it was over, he wasn’t happy great. He remarried me as a good father. Showed up for our daughter. Taught her business. She loves him to this day as do his other children. Millions in inheritance helps but truly he is not a bad father. I asked HG about this and he felt that my ex had a reason that was within his goals. But compared to my narcissistic ex, I would take a pure psychopath as a husband any day. Just don’t get in their way. I was smart. I walked from the money, I protected myself publicaly, I never revealed anything I knew or found out about his crimes ( if I knew). All I cared about was my children. I totally was a martyr for them. Even his lawyer, top dog, said he never met anyone like me in a fight. If my husband was impulsive in front of me, he was a gambler. I saw his lack of empathy with his older children. One got arrested at 15 for arson and put in Julie. The other jumped out of a window at 16 and was in a mental hospital as he left them with an unfit mother and did nothing to help their plight. My daughter was straight As and soared in every activity. Of course that was “ all due to him.” I didn’t care and never disparaged him encouraging a father-daughter relationship. I even bought presents for him from her that I knew he would like. She is 23 and a success. A computer science business analytics graduate engaged to man with a 51 million dollar company, compassionate, very liberal, kind and calls me regularly … and her dad… and her other siblings. We did good together. Psychopath and me. I might have got a pro social one but I find that funny as he had no friends. He sticks to family only. I don’t know how he behaves in his other world however.
Contagious, thank you so much for sharing your story about being married to a psychopath. It was really fascinating to read… your life is like a movie, isn’t it?!!!)) Truly a gripping story!!
I keep wondering why I ended up with such crap. Honestly, I feel sorry for myself. Maybe what hurts the most is the thought that if I had met “just a narcissist” (though that phrase itself is already a contradiction), I probably wouldn’t have suffered so much. And how much I could have given them… but now I can’t anymore. I realize how bitter that sounds. But in fact, it feels like I’m trying to live through my trauma this way: if only I could rewrite the past, I would have chosen the lesser of two evils.
I couldn’t understand why he chose such a vile path specifically for me. But at the same time, he wasn’t really any better with others either.
It hurts, because all the narcissists I met after him were far “better.” I can admit that this might be because I wasn’t their IPPS… but I think it’s not just about that. It’s also because they are not conscious. They really don’t sit there plotting devious schemes. In fact, watching some of them, I caught myself thinking: “We are so alike.” Those are frightening thoughts. And it’s not because “they adapted to me,” since those “similarities” existed before me and applied to everyone around them.
With “my” — let’s replace that word — with “not-my” (thank God!) narcissist–psychopath, or whatever he really is, there was one trait that set him apart from the other narcissists I’ve seen. Let me explain: around unconscious narcissists, you could see all kinds of people—psychopaths, empaths, and normal ones. But my guy always chose the best. And specifically, the best empaths. All those women were highly empathetic, intelligent, beautiful, and so on. They were the kind of women you meet and immediately want to keep in your life, women you could go to war with or on a secret mission—he was able to select them with that much precision. If I had the chance, I would have been friends with them. He once told me: “You are the most beautiful flower in my garden.” To which I replied: “Then you are a bad gardener. Because your flower is withering.”
Because I got so deep into this subject, I ended up checking the social media profiles of some of these women (the ones I knew of—God knows how many more there were…). They have families now, some have children. I’m truly glad they were able to heal and move forward; they undoubtedly deserve it.
I don’t know why it hurt me so much. But it cut me far too deeply.
Arya0901, hi. Thank you for the congratulations, it really means a lot to me.
Yes, any option would work. Each has its own pros and cons. It all depends on how you look at it…
But I prefer to know in any case, no matter what the truth turns out to be.
That’s A LOT, Contagious!
Just reading what you wrote, Josephina and wanted to say thanks for sharing and take your time. I think that’s another trauma in itself, watching others being “selected”. I can understand checking on them later as well as what happened to you too. It sounds very much like that HG has shared too .
Obviously not to excuse any of it but I think with psychopathy too, even though there is planning of deeds etc, being born that way (nature Vs nurture) means that’s what they do on the whole especially if the nurture isn’t there. Have you heard of the story of the frog and the scorpion? That’s what came to mind. Not your fault at all and I think this stuff takes a long time often to deal with and not getting your head around it means you’re not one of them.
Jade Thank you very much for your support and these warming words. The parable is instructive. Yes, I understand.
Pleasure Josephina and it’s a long road with this stuff isn’t it? I’m mostly through the worst of it with my stuff but most days it still boggles my mind and makes me question everything! Take care.
And when will you sell them now that you are creating them HG:)
Hi Josephina:
Hey. There is a difference between narcissistic psychopath and pure psychopath. My point is not all psychopaths are “ blood thirsty” the “ Dexters” or “ Ted Bundy” of society. If you read the FBI profile on serial killers it’s a small percentage of psychopaths. They blend in. Also HG has mentioned psychopaths that are sophisticated are often white crime criminals, leaders of industry. The less sophisticated line our jail cells. Refer to Dr. Hare’s work. Based on my experience, pure psychopaths aren’t dramatic and erratic. They don’t cycle. They are flat. Flat in emotion too. No highs. No lows. There isn’t a norm, law that they feel fit for them however. They have their own code. They lie like rugs. It’s the air they breathe. But if you aren’t in their way of your goal, like me, pregnant taking care of children, a good front, they will treat you well. There won’t be any illogical drama etc…. Like a narc. If you get in their way, you are dead. If I was a threat to his exposure, and I didn’t protect myself well, he or his business associates would have ended me. No threats, no drama, just done. Your experience sounds more like a narcisstic psychopath and I defer to HG to define the nuances. He sounds like a successful wealthy ladies man. He likes the supply of ladies. My husband was a cheat but supply from women was not his goal. He wanted to stay married and yes he cheated but it was one. He wasn’t a ladies man. Tbh he was not that great in bed, mechanical. No, his driver was money. He would probably have slit his mothers throat if she stood in his way but since she did not… he was a good son who visited regularly, brought gifts, celebrated holidays, attended her funeral. Rebecca has a brother pure psychopaths that she loved. I get it. I was treated respectfully during the marriage and after custody was resolved. In between, I feared for my life. I hired a body guard, went to DV organizations after he held a gun to my head and turned to every connection I had to the Pentagon to the mafia. I kept my mouth shut, left him with no money to me. All I wanted was my custody. He sued me for full. I eventually represented myself and got 80% the day before trial. And when he held a gun to my head “ I said “ do your worst. You will go to prison and lose everything.”He lowered the weapon and the moving van probably felons, protected me. “ Got a promise miss?” As they stood next to me. My ex paid off security guards so he knew I when I was leaving him. Had me followed. The divorce was hell. I was sued for full custody being called delusional ( yeah the cash, coke and records were all in my mind). He used his wealth against me. He told me that he would hire people to blow my head off like JKK. He put a loaded gun to my head. I recall sleeping on the floor of my mansion thinking no woman should go asleep with her children afraid of her life. I got registered. I got a gun. But ladies… I took advantage of the system. I joined DV groups. They came to court. I let him know my friends knew. My contacts at the US Attorneys office, the Pentagon and my priest friend whose grandfather was Paul Castellano. I looked into his illegal connections and sent word there. I filed motion after motion and fought him… publicly… I emphasize publicaly… I didn’t make it easy. I walked from money. Kept my mouth shut. And once I won did right by my kid. I supported them. In short, if you are not in the way of a pure psychopath, your life can be good. Stable. Get as far from them and use every resource you have if in their way. Best advice: if in their way, run to get out of it. Survival course 101. Narcs cycle expect drama, abuse. Given. Pure psychopaths are not unstable . If you aren’t their GOAL( Ted Bundy) or in their way, you can have a good life. Well so long as their other life never reaches you;) think Bernie madoff, Tony soprano. They are unique but not dramatic on a day to day, year to year basis. Narcs are.
Hey Josphenia:
Other than plot to target elite ladies did he break rules, laws, norms? Mine got busted for shop lifting with hundreds of dollars rolled up in his pocket. He stole socks! Was he a shady business man? A tax invader? I left mine after the FBI called me in on allegations of money laundering.Did he have friends? Mine had zero. His brother. That’s it. He had a poker group not real friends. His “ undesirable” business associates in Brooklyn where he was from. Not friends. I was the second wife. He has a third. She lives today in her own house separate from him. Wives were nothing to him but he wanted a baby machine for his “ legacy” and boys. In short mine was not a social man. He was very intelligent and funny but very isolated. Very “ private.” My guess would be a narcisstic psychopath has many IPSS. It’s fuel. Mine did not. He was a cheat but he spent years being married. He liked having a wife and perhaps over the years he would cheat but not his main thing. His main thing was money. Nothing and nobody mattered not even children over money.certainly not focused on women..
Hi Contagios and Jade.
In fact, when I was reading what H.G. Tudor writes, it all felt so familiar. So familiar. That’s why under every article I feel ready to give an example from my own life. And some texts are just eerily… well, how much it all resembles us.
My psychopathic narcissist was full of madness. But I adored his madness. Once he told me, “You’re the strangest of all the people I know.” But the way he said it — the tone, the message behind it — sounded like the biggest compliment in the world.
We had an extremely codependent relationship. No wonder: at that time, I was living with my parents (my father is narcissistic), I was physically ill (I’m in remission now), I had just started medical school — and then I met HIM… Codependence and obsession is probably how I’d describe what was between us.
And he didn’t tell me everything… In all those years, we never once talked about our families, as if it were some unspoken taboo. Although he tried to say something, I couldn’t hear it — or wasn’t given the chance to develop it. We’ll never know the answer now.
He used to say:
“Actually, nobody needs us. Our parents don’t love us. They only think about themselves. Like all people — first and foremost about themselves. People are selfish by nature”.
“All people pretend. I never believed they felt any real emotions. I thought it was nonsense.”
And I would say: “Look, here’s a pencil. I’m holding it in my hand. In my right hand is a pencil. Look at your hands — they’re empty. From the fact that you don’t have a pencil, you can’t conclude pencils don’t exist, because the pencil in my hand proves the opposite.”
Yes, yes, that was our kindergarten logic)))
I had never in my life experienced anything like that with anyone… Next to him I felt so strong. It seemed to me that even if the world ended, with him by my side nothing could scare me. Sometimes he acted on me like a tranquilizer.
I remember once we were driving in the car… “God, how good it is that you’re here with me right now, and I know you’re not doing anything bad and nothing bad will happen to you if I’m beside you.” Because I was afraid he would get into some kind of trouble.
Sometimes I wonder — what if he was just playing at being a sociopath… On the other hand, he really did have a sadistic streak, and not only towards me. If we put everything that happened on the scales… there was far more bad than good.
In fact, I keep this information like an archive but without emotion. It’s just that this site — or rather, H.G.’s texts — open up those corners of memory.
Sometimes I wonder if I could have left that ship if I hadn’t been thrown overboard… It’s creepy to remember.
I also felt his “energy” very strongly. I don’t know what word fits better here… Sometimes he would approach me and I would feel it physically and wince. He would ask, “Why is it that sometimes when I come near you, you seem to shrink?”
That’s why earlier I wrote here about why narcissists don’t have sex with me — it was in a moment of emotional outburst. I wouldn’t want physical intimacy with them / with him. I can’t even imagine it, given how strongly I feel that darkness inside them.
“Dexter” — again, that’s connected with him. Eh… I watched it at university but not all the seasons; he told me the plot of the last one.
As for breaking the law… something vague. But that was before 17… after that, he was under my supervision!)
Another fragment of memory — I think we were at a coffee shop near my house. I don’t remember the context, but he said then, “You have no idea what would happen if I didn’t control myself…”
I joked something like: “You’d kill everyone,” he nodded, and we changed the subject.
But it’s amazing that throughout all these years, while being with him, I kept asking him to leave me…
I adore H.G.’s text “Parasite” — yes, that’s exactly it. And we will always be on opposite sides of the barricades, seeing all this so differently. Everyone has their own truth.
Anyway, enough about him. Before, I thought he deserved a book… but now I think that would be far too much honor for him. I’d rather write a book about myself.)
Thanks for staying Contagious and Josephina.
It’s really interesting to learn more but also frightening and sad to think of you lovely people experiencing this.
Have you read much about limerence, Josephina? I found that very useful to learn about too.
Also what you wrote is gold 👌
“Anyway, enough about him. Before, I thought he deserved a book… but now I think that would be far too much honor for him. I’d rather write a book about myself.)”
That should have read “thanks for sharing”..
not “staying” Josephina and Contagious!
Ps Josephina, I’m not sure how I managed not to have a romantic relationship with a narcissist 🤷♀️ there were a few “dodgy” ones lol but I’ve looked back and can’t honestly say any of them were Ns… Phew! 😅
OMG! Sir, this is so you!!!!
https://youtube.com/shorts/gRLQ75l_1Ms?si=Fxjm0PhB7xcTx_5i
🤣🤣 spot on. ..aroma of ash, regret and unresolved trauma..haha.
Lol, I liked the “I travel…A LOT..!” (HG travels a lot too) and the peace Vader experiences after annihilation, it reminds me of HG’s article Psychopath:Conflagration. And the “hope…which is a problem…” HG has a saying about hope being a false mistress. (Hope in relation to the empath’s hope about the change of the narcissist.)
I like this one too. It reminds me of when HG refers to the flapping gums in relation to meals and cooking recipes. And the deciphering the stormtroopers are engaging in reminds me of tudorites. So apt lol! https://www.youtube.com/shorts/TJhag9-IEiU
These videos are so funny, Jordyguin. Thanks for sharing. 🧘🏻♂️
Hello, H.G. Tudor. Have you ever had a person in a consultation think that he is an empath, but during the consultation you realized that he is a narcissist? 1) Did you tell him about it? If not, then why? 2) If you know that this person is a narcissist, do you refuse him any further consultations? For example, if he needs help on how to deal with other narcissists.
Yes.
1. No. Pointless.
2. No.
Silence those who speak the truth!
Charlie Kirk RIP 😢
One of our Senators has been stood down because she wouldn’t comply with this evil narrative.
So it begins!
What say you Mr Tudor ?
Watch the video.
Dear Mr Tudor,
What video are your referring to please ?
https://youtu.be/VAmhnkDzR3U?si=XtgijxaR10IuK3cb
Many thanks
Dear Mr Tudor,
I did, it was very much appreciated, thank you
Wow HG, that video surprised me! Thank you so much for making it, it was very well done.
Thank you.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Iryna Zarutska RIP 😢 was my next comment, you’re full steam ahead. Well done and thank you.
Dear Bubbles,
I was reading/ responding to the blog comments last night and didn’t catch HG’s video until late in the evening.
HG, you did a excellent job on both videos of 2 most recent killings in the news online. Thank you for covering them and sharing your videos. You brought order to chaos. Xx
Thank you.
You’re very welcome, HG! Xx
Looking forward to it and dreading it. I wondered when I saw that if you would say something when I saw this flooding YouTube this morning.
Both Charlie Kirk videos were very good. You were amazing as always in presenting facts with the gravitas required by circumstances. We also learned a little more about you.
Thank you, Dani.
Hi Dani: I don’t share Kirk’s views in all and I didn’t know who he was or why all the media attention until my son filled me in. All I can say is he is another shooting victim of America. Young with a wife and children. It was just what a few weeks earlier that a person killed kids in a church praying. The media focuses on both were trans. But every week the USA has another person shooting up someone. My two cents is that mental illness is not a priority in our country. Many would say the problem lies with limiting access to guns but that WILL NOT change ever. Not realistic. No matter how much anyone wants it too. Big business and the fact that a lot of Americans feel entitled to guns and distrust others including government. We would be a good country to fight off our government if need be….. End of. But what could change is the drought of money to help mentally ill people sinc the 80s. It falls on families and destroys them. Pros are needed. I think this country could do more….
Hi Contagious,
I did not regularly watch Kirk, but when his videos came up, he stood out from other right wing commentators. He’s not Steven Crowder, by any means. He seemed to mean well…whether I agreed with him or not about the point being made. I did not agree about every, but I feel 99.9% certain that he was not a narcissist, not based on what I saw. I appreciate his message that we need to talk…because when we stop talking…violence begins.
He was calm. He wasn’t rude. He listened. I even saw him admit good points those debating him made, even after they had been rude to him…and the individuals I saw were ones known for rudeness to everyone.
Hi Rebecca,
I saw your reply about OCD tendencies and the recent murders but couldn’t find it in the thread for some reason to reply there.
It has been a weird time recently with some horrible things happening, as Dani said. I can have some OCD tendencies without having OCD too (like a lot of people).
A couple of resources that have helped me (as it’s one of the most easily treatable MH disorders) is “overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts” by Sally Winston and martin sief. They also have an excellent column on psychology today online, about having a sticky mind (I definitely have one)! Also ocdstories.com with Stuart Ralph. There’s a few stories on there relaying to narc abuse too.
I’m not sure if it was the same comment but also re self doubt, go easy on yourself. It’s good for us to know Ns like/look for this but we can’t change who we are completely (nor should we) and some self doubt is normal imo. Keep doing what you’re doing 💪
Take care of yourself 💗
Hi Jade,
OCD tendencies, overthinking, self doubt and narc abuse are all connected…it’s trauma from repetitive narcissistic abuse. We have it in common here and it’s why we find understanding here. We feel a kinship too. I appreciate the knowledge here too. We can learn from sharing our stories, some may give others an eureka moment of clarity. I have experienced that myself here. I’m so grateful I found HG’s work and I know I’m still healing and still learning. HG has a lot more to show, share and teach us. Xx
100% Rebecca!
Dear HG,
I’m 30 and I’m still living with my parents.
I think they are both MMR narcs (I will use the detector as soon i will work again $)
Sometimes I feel the desire to kill myself because I think I will never be capable of leave.
I bought your pack How to Handle A Parental Narcissist
But even ACON seems impossible for me now…
They always interfere in my life and relashionship.
The level of core shame is extreme.
HF,
You’ve been posting a lot recently. I’m not surprised to hear you say you have some challenges and even some unhappiness in your life.
I’m very sorry it’s feeling so hopeless and terrible right now.
It makes sense you want to move out of your parents’ home. While it may not be easy it does not seem impossible.
And even if you are between jobs right now and money is a bit tight you will work again and then money will come in and that money can give you choices.
You probably feel quite old at 30 but I actually think 30 is still very young, and to me you still have lots of options available to you. Don’t lose hope because there are ways forward.
I agree with annaamel, HF. Also I was about your age the last time i left home (but didn’t know about narcissism then, so you are way ahead of where I was. I think one of my parents at least is a MMR, both were emotionally immature at least). My life isn’t perfect as no ones is, but has changed so much for the better over time, and yours will too. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. It might not feel like it, but you’ve got this! ✊
Hello HF,
I hope you do not mind me butting in and offering my two cents on your situation.
This is the time where you plan your escape. While you are looking for a job, you can use the time you have to read and listen to all the material HG offers for free, that will prepare you for the day where you have the means to do the Narc Detector consultation with him. It will strengthen your defenses, and soon things might not look quite so hopeless.
There are people here who will support you. You are not alone.
You might not be capable of leaving today, but you will be, and sooner than you think, if you take HG’s advice to heart. By finding HG’s work you have already taken the most important step. It is going to be a hard road, and nobody else can walk it for you, but it is the right road. It is the road to freedom.
Hi HF:
You are young with an entire world ahead of you. Welcome to the blog. You will find support here to help you. There is hope. HG has an angel assistance. If you can’t consult with HG by using it. I pledge to pay for consult end of month if HG will permit me to do so on your behalf. There is no one like him. . Do not despair, sword up!
He permitted me! So end of month or not sooner… you will meet HG!
HF, don’t despair! I really want to support you. I understand you. I managed to break up only at 27, but with a number of conditions. I’m just not ready to describe all of this here (it’s very personal and hard to remember, I just have amnesia for half, and I only remember fragments), but believe me, I understand you, I also once had a feeling that I would never be able to leave. There are no hopeless situations.
Do you have support points: close friends who are physically nearby? Are you studying or working?
Is it possible for you to seek psychological help in your city? You need professional support, and messages here alone will not be enough. Is there free psychological help in your city)?
I agree with Josephina. Btw the thought that’s come into mind thinking about your message the past few days, is “learned helplessness”. I realised this in myself around my parents and is something I still work on and I think it’s very common with ACONs.
This isn’t something to beat yourself up with btw but it can be helpful in understanding the dynamics. You are a lot more powerful than you think right now but being in the situation you’re in will be obscuring that and making you feel like you have less options. There’s some good advice here, one step at a a time.. you can do this. ✊
I thank all.
Yes, I have been using professional support since 2017 (n abuse+sexual violence)
Morning HG, 👋
I hope you’re well.
99.9% sure my vet receptionist is a lower narc of some type. No facade to speak of, blatantly lies to us, “loses” important samples for our dog and pretends it’s nothing to do with her, enjoys going very slowly about urgent pet care issues.. she’s got a huge fuel matrix of clients at the surgery as obviously we’re not the only ones she does it too. We complained once ages ago but you know how it goes.
Obvs trying to go NC and move vets, and in the meantime have taken to putting the phone down when she answers it and calling back to try and get a different receptionist. Will grey rock / shield in person but wanted to pick your brain on any nuggets of wisdom on approaches that I might have missed?
Ascertain using the Narc Detector that you are dealing with a narcissist and the result will inform you with regard to your decision making thereafter.
Thank you HG.
Hi Jade,
Mr. Tudor doesn’t believe in the concept of grey rock. Neither do I. Whenever you’re dealing with a narcissist, you’re inevitably going to give them fuel. Your initial reaction can be difficult to control and would provide fuel.
I think I wasn’t clear about what the wall does for me. Its not to stop providing fuel. Before I knew about narcissism and fuel, what the wall did for me was not allow people to see the real me. It had nothing to do with narcissism. It was because I didn’t feel safe to share my innermost thoughts with anyone. I purposely kept everyone at an arm’s length. I still keep my wall up now. But one of the most beautiful consequences of learning about narcissism was learning that it is safe to drop my wall with certain people.
Thanks Leigh, I appreciate that information.
Hi Jade,
I started a new thread because it was getting harder and harder to find the comments I wanted to respond to.
Its funny that you mentioned Mr. Tudor’s comment, “Every interaction between a narcissist and a person (or potential interaction) is a manipulation because it is always self-serving to the narcissist and invariably premised on something that is misleading (even if not malign) concerning the other person.”
I live by that sentiment every day.
May I make a suggestion? I purchased, “How to Handle a Parental Narcissist” and I found it incredibly useful. I think it can be helpful to you as well.
Thanks Leigh. Yeh, that sentence of HGs is gold. 👌 A good sentiment to live by.. I’ll save that as a reminder on my phone.
Thank you for the suggestion, I appreciate that though purchasing things is difficult atm.
Hi Jade,
I don’t know if this helps or not, but Mr. Tudor used to have an Angel Assistant Fund. If you’re interested, maybe you can email him and see if he still has the fund.
The fund exists although it is currently empty because demand repeatedly outstrips supply.
That’s ok thanks Leigh and HG.
Hello again, HG.
It’s been a very long time – probably 6 years since I’ve crossed the emotional sea and no longer needed to comment.
I’m wondering something.
I’m a standard/codependent, near total hybrid empath.
If someone is triggering that addictive feeling, is it possible that they aren’t a narcissist?
I’m not asking for a deep dive into the individual. Only whether or not you think it’s possible.
They’ve never done anything to indicate they’re a narcissist, aside from triggering the same thing in me.
I hope you’re well.
Thanks
Emotional thinking has many manifestations, not all caused by the addiction. That is what you are most likely experiencing which means this can occur without the individual being a narcissist.
HG, so fascinating to finally understand what ’emotional thinking’ is, and to only learn to understand this through your work. It is about time that, in the world of language, human behaviours and so on, is for one, just one, formal ‘system’ to be so easily accessible, so easily explained, without using technical / scientific jargon. Keep it short and simple for everyone, anyone to understand, even by translating it from one language to another (should the need arise). I believe that your ‘system’ is the one that is most suitable for mankind as it is today. Historically, some people were on the right path and almost ‘got it’ (some did ‘get it’), yet, not enough people embraced it to make a difference within humanity back then.
Only then, will someone, even a stranger, would understand, should I ever say out loud, “oh, that is just my ET being invoked (or is active)’ without them making the assumption that I am the narcissist by implying that I have a hermitically sealed self, when I do not.
Having said that, there may be some people (narcissists) that are trying to get a reaction from me when I am being vigilant (in some cases, refusing to be provoked to give a reaction / response) – bit similar to the scene in the film where the teacher is ‘blocking’ out the children attempting to break through the brick wall inside his mind (Village of the Damned). However, inwardly, I may be thinking all sorts of swear words and not showing it (or trying not to). I may still find that some of these continue to evade my questions. Yet, it may be one way of trying to flush them out and seeing their reaction (if any)…….
So. Learning about Emotional Thinking has been very valuable indeed. Certainly in understanding myself better. Utilising and applying the method of looking at / feeling about the past differently, I was able to carry out a task that needed to be done, despite feeling so much emotion while doing the task, I did not cry (until just now). I cannot have regrets about the task because, in reality, no-one can berate me for doing so, as they had the opportunity to reach out to me, so I made the decision. So, their portentous remarks can go and f themselves. (ooohh, there’s an F !!).
Thank you, HG. For everything that I have learned, from you, your work. xx
You are welcome.
Dear HG,
Could you please make a video on emotional thinking being triggered without the narcissist? Xx
I am not sure if that it is entirely relevant if it is not linked to the narcissist.
Dear HG,
The explaination may help with determining the difference between how we react to a Normal person compared to a narcissist? It’s good to know all aspects of how and why we have emotional thinking, right? Xx
Hi Rebecca, “emotional thinking being triggered without the narcissist”……. it depends on what you may be doing, ie cleaning an item that has been in the family for many years and you inherited it, memories may be coming back to you…… whether the original owner of the said item is empath / normal / narcissist, it may have links to familial narcissists. It could be the same item in question that you may see in an old family photograph…… all sorts of emotions may come to the fore…… no narcissists need be around you at that present moment in time.
Hi Asp Amp,
I don’t think my reply went through, error message…
Thank you for explaining and I get the example. It’s like how I picture of my brother will make me have thoughts and feelings come up in me and he’s not even there. Like what HG calls the “everpresense” of the narcissist, but it also happens with anyone. Xx
HI Rebecca, yes, “everpresence” is an apt description. It could also depend on the level / height of your ET, whether that is invoked by something else altogether, or not.. I think I managed mine pretty well because of the task I undertook and people out there not knowing what I was going through at the present moment in time. There are some people who do not look at me as an individual (as I am now, compared to back then), only by what they “heard” from other people. I do not believe I have a reduction in emotional empathy, I do it through choice ie not give as much emotion as I once may have done. Not now.
“You deserve to be in environments that bring out the softness in you, not the survival in you” (anon) is apt for me in my situation. Hence, why I find it much easier to be what and who I am with animals, rather than people I do not know well enough. Animals who may be used to people may ‘judge’ far less than people do. Yes, maybe partly due to my neurological.
Thank you for listening, Rebecca.
Thank you Asp Amp,
I can get emotional thinking from a song played over the speakers at work. “DREAM ON” by Aerosmith brings memories of my brother and so does a lot of songs. It doesn’t bother me, I pick the good memories , the ones attached to the songs.
Certain songs have me remembering other people and there’s a mixture of feelings that come up.
When I hear, on a rare occassions, a John Denver song over the speakers in a store, it brings me back to road trips with my parents and brother….traveling in the night with the road ahead of us…being a kid and enjoying the sense of freedom on the road…it’s peaceful and perfect. I miss those times. Xx
Asp Amp,
It is nice to understand the link between everpresense and emotional thinking. I choose to keep pictures and other items of my parents and brother. They are everpresense, but I accept that and hold on to them anyway. I’d rather remember my family and accept the good and bad that comes with the memories. Remembering them gives me some comfort, as odd as that sounds. I’m comforted, good and bad. Doesn’t matter to me. I hold it close. Xx
Hi Rebecca, yes, I understand about keeping some pictures of family members. I did too, vastly reduced from a huge number, did not linger long, just chose quickly yet it heightened my ET obviously. A very difficult task indeed. xx
Hi all
I have always found it hard going back to places from the past.. lots of memories and also have got rid of all but a few photos of my life time .. reading this I’m thinking I’m managing my emotional thinking as I can get very immersed …
I’m the same with animals / humans Asp Amp. ❤️ Unconditional love.
Thank you so much, HG.
I didn’t intend for this comment to show my full name. I’m not sure why my Gravatar didn’t kick in.
Could I please have the comment deleted?
Done.
Im interested in your comment Lisa.. “someone triggering the addicted feeling”. So that’s often (but not always) a sign of a narcissist?
Please tell me, is there only two parts to “When Narcissists Collide”? And a sequel?
Correct.
Hello HG!
Do u think Pearl Davis is a narcissist?
I did not recognise the name. I looked her up and given the field in which she claims expertise, there is an increased risk that she could be one.
Ok thank you.