Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
11,720 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
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Chatting with a typical narcissist. So many red flags. Though, it’s a funny video, it is sad as well, cause such situations indeed do happen.
https://youtu.be/wQtfeMQPtXY?si=5nt-Xm1JHk4BZchy
Haha, this is so funny! It didn’t go very well for him, did it…
Yes, it didnt)) Thomas was a hero here.
Why do miss people who hurt us? Why can’t we just walk away?
Hello GP,
Is something going on in your life or it’s a general question?
Hi GP,
Many empaths have been trained and conditioned to tolerate, accept, even enjoy pain. We have been conditioned to believe that feeling it is what allows us to also feel the happy, good things. That, were it not for pain, we might be obsolete, our lives not mattering. We believe that without the person who brings the pain, and with it also the possibility of incredible happiness, we are dead inside. It is tied to our Emotional Thinking, it is part of our addiction. Our ET keeps reminding us of the possibility of the good, and tells us the bad wasn’t really that bad, in an effort to get us to go back. You are in the emotional sea when this is happening, it is hard. It gets easier on the other side, hang in there. Lean on us as you need to, many here have been through it, sometimes shared experiences can help.
Thank you for this, AV. Very helpful. 🙏
Mr. Tudor,
I found the murders of Rob and Michelle Reiner incredibly disturbing and upsetting. There’s obviously some serious history between Nick and his parents. I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on why Nick Reiner did it.
*you’re (sorry HG 👨🏫)
Tzk, tzk, Jade. HG doesn’t forgive. Especially, 2nd time. You are doomed, that’s it.
“roasted empaths on an open fire” 🔥🌨️🌰😬
I’ve been listening to HGs lives and it makes me chuckle when he corrects the grammar there.
Yes, I remember three ones, he particularly doesn’t like:
– Your instead of you’re
– constantly instead of periodically
– if someone starts the sentence with “So” (which I do quite often, not intentionally 😅)
I think there are others as well, but I don’t recall.
Yes.. we’re learning more about narcissism and grammar here, Arya! Though I think I might have less excuse being English 😅
Hi HG:
Excellent work on Nick Reiner. First with the stats the on the video. Personally I think that he is not going to get off on the insanity defense.
First: my experience with drug addicts is juries aren’t sympathetic and if he killed them in a drug induced or alcohol rage it is not a defense.
Second, the standard is did he know right or wrong. So the man in Colorado who dressed up like the joker who shot up a theater. He was diagnosed schizophrenia and was convicted. The fact that Nick hid the weapon, blocked his windows, drove after the murders, checked in and paid for a hotel room, showered, changed into matching clothes, went to a gas station, calmly stood in line, paid for a drink…. The prosecution will have their own experts and his post murder behavior will be used like the joker murderer that he knew right from wrong which is why he covered his tracks.
Given his history of dropping out of school, never working, continuous use of drugs or lack of accountability, history of property damage, liar, manipulative, annd his clear case of entitlement…. And your video lol. I think he has had a long history of anti social personality disorder. His parents were manipulated and nothing they could do worked or ever work. They were useful until they weren’t. After he behaved badly at a party, they probably told him that he had to go to rehab or get out. His reaction: murder them.
This is my take. Plus I saw Being Charlie. Of course not about schizophrenia but rather Charlie feeling controlled, not listened to, and sadly the father in the movie says “ I listened to experts and not my son.” Sad. Shows how manipulated he was. I truly feel for the parents. And if Alan Jackson attacks them which he might, I think that won’t fly either.
Also you probably know this but the prosecutor is the same as Menendez brothers who he put away and kept away. DA was against parole but the family was not. Parole board did not let them out.
Grr. Reply button won’t work so posting at the top..
“Jade,
It looks like me and Allison have different goals to fight for. So we have our own path to battle through.
A lot of snowflakes may bury and kill the Witcher for all his deeds. We just need to unite into a snowstorm. Work together.”
I like this Arya.. your sounding like Contagious, uniting us all.. and your little pink heart and message lol! Are you turning into a cuddly empath? 😉
No it’s a mask, Jade. I’m mirroring the narcissists. I’m infatuated.
I’m joking. Yes, I’m a cuddly empath somewhere deep inside, behind a skin, which grew over time from the wounds and hurt.❤️
I can see her emerging Arya! 😉🥰 Hugs to you. Hope you have a good holiday time too x
I forgot to hug you 🤗 have a good holidays, Jade.
I love the Witcher and the witches. In fact, I fantasize about him. The last series was mediocre and per my son it deviated too much from the books so he won’t watch another.
As for scars, I have many inside and out. When I accidentally dropped a pan of burning oil on my thighs that dumped on my foot, my ex narc was like “ oh you have beautiful skin, how horrible.” But I didn’t care, scars are not a mark of shame but of a battle fought thats healed…. I don’t mind scars and I am lucky as I have a high tolerance to pain.
I also love bears, always have since born…I carried Bear around as a child…. I believed he was real and kept the monsters away from under the bed… true! I gave both my children bears and told them the same. They are your protectors when you sleep. Btw my marine son kept his but it’s buried away in the closet. As for cuddles…yes, love them… especially my three Smelly frenchies…and sadly or maybe not single…. and well yes … unity….. I truly believe empathy is critically needed in this world. Perhaps now more than ever. There are two reasons I love this blog… HG as he provides the shield through education and 2. Empaths because they are the sword needed in this crazy world. I learn from both … here. Here:)
Hi Jade, I’m having similar issues so thought it would be funny to reply to you here. The comment about spotting our ET shooting upwards as being a way to help us spot the narcissist. I’m glad you found it helpful. Thank you for taking the time to let me know.
No problem TS. it is such a helpful sign, isn’t it? I found a comment of Arya’s interesting today too, about the “pull” towards a narcissist being quite tangible. I have felt that too, twice in romantic relationships that ended terribly! These “tells” of ET and the pull, are often good signs that a narcissist is lurking, I’m learning here. This is your narcissist education that hits the parts others don’t!
It is a strong sign Jade, I think so. The only issue is that your ET has to be low before you can then recognise a sharp rise. I can totally understand how unaware empaths escape one narcissist only to be quickly ensnared by another. If the ET doesn’t have chance to fall, then there is less of a sharp rise to recognise. Being careful to bring our ET down and keeping it down by avoiding cross pollution is key I think.
Very good point TS. All “suspected” but I think growing up and in my twenties I had a lot of Ns around me so it was a soup that I was in. Friends, direct and extended family, in the workplace. I realise now I have a glowing empath sign unfortunately. I’m learning to dim it when needed.
Meeting hubby and having someone genuinely have my back for the first time changed everything. Twenty years with him has healed a lot and helped me become much more logical and assertive. I’m very fortunate. ♥️
Dear Mr Tudor,
It’s been absolutely disgusting watching our self-absorbed treacherous evil narcissistic Aust PM and his like minded minion senators blatantly and openly lie to the Australian public regarding the horrific terror attack at Bondi Beach. They are all guilty as charged for allowing this to happen. Their blame shifting, denying accountability and apathy are overwhelming. Now they blame guns, WTH ? All fake projection! They are all guilty as charged and all have blood on their hands This govt has failed to protect its people. Let it be known, everyday Aussies are NOT happy! This has had a massive impact on true blue Aussies.
We call for a dissolution of government !
And so it begins!
What say you Mr Tudor ?
Hi Bubbles,
I’ve been thinking about you, AA & WN. Its such a tragedy. Its incredibly sad that we have to live in fear. They were just trying to celebrate the holiday. I hope you’re all well.
Dearest Leigh,
Thank you lovely. Bondi Beach is the most famous iconic beach in Australia, visited by millions of locals and tourists each year. Apart from our local hero, (ironically a Muslim) Ahmed al-Ahmed who single handedly disarmed one of the terrorists, our local life savers and other saviours automatically risked their lives to help. Bloody brilliant!
The thing is, we shouldn’t “have to live in fear” if our current corrupt despicable politicians did their bloody overpaid jobs to protect its citizens. This father and son were on the ASIO watch list for years and were linked to a terrorist cell and underwent ISIS training in the Phillipines, what the hell ?
Terrorism, extremists, ISIS brides and Islamic ideology have absolutely no place in the west. It’s a cancer that spreads. They can shove it up their Khyber Pass and it can stay there.
We are well thank you, however, this has hit everyone hard (we have friends who live close by to Bondi Beach). It has awakened the rest of the world, all thanks to our two faced hypocritical politicians. Guns are not the problem, it’s the people who are pulling the trigger!
Our hearts are heavy for all the victims, survivors, family and friends.
Dear Bubbles… well well said
Dear Contagious,
Thank you
We’ve all had enough
Dear Contagious,
Our Aust PM and his lieutenants are in full narcissist mode atm. Smirking, no emotion, lying, evading questions, vagueness, word salad, deflection, denial, umming n ahing, blameshifitng big time, cutting off the discussion, can’t bring themselves to say the actual words of what’s really going on and call it for what it really is because it would admit guilt and MIA when it’s most important, the list goes on
What a performance!
Hi Bubbles,
With regard to your comments about Australia’s Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, and his government, you are entitled to your opinions, however, I do not agree.
The current Australian government is being roundly blamed for the Bondi shooting attack and for ‘allowing’ antisemitism. This is simply not true and is a case, I think, of scapegoating.
The first person off the rank that indulged in this myopic and hypocritical blaming of the Australian government was Benjamin Netanyahu. As if he is innocent and the poster child of peaceful tolerance … ??
The way I have seen things unfold is that the Australian PM and the Premier of New South Wales (NSW) have moved swiftly to discuss ways that cultural divisions and gun ownership can and should be addressed. They have discussed their concerns openly in media announcements and press conferences. There has been community engagement; and Jewish community leaders have been given a platform to voice their concerns and criticisms of the government.
There has been no smirking or deflection as far as I have seen. Instead, the PM has been actively and solemnly involved in the community, attending memorials, funerals and tributes to those killed or injured.
The things that I think have contributed and culminated in the Bondi attack have been ongoing protests and demonstrations in Sydney and elsewhere – occurring on a weekly basis at times – calling for the end of oppressive actions against Palestinians in Gaza. These protests have been organised by Australian activist groups.
I think these protests were generally peaceful and well-intentioned, however, they also stoked divisiveness and aggressiveness in the community and created militant beliefs in some.
Also, it is known in social studies that public protests and public communal discourse of opposing opinions creates escalating angry and confrontational disputes. Public venting of beliefs leads to escalating violence among the public rather than peaceful resolution.
The NSW government – led by Premier Chris Minns – grappled on numerous occasions over the past year with the dilemma of whether to allow peaceful protests (calling for the end of Israel’s oppression of Palestine).
On the one hand, there is the aspect of allowing protests in the name of ‘free and democratic speech,’ and on the other hand there is the aspect of restricting or disallowing such protests for the sake of public safety; police and security resources and organisation; as well as the prevention of unproductive delays and disruptions on busy roads and city streets.
Bubbles,
There are various factors involved with regard to the Bondi shooting attack. I don’t believe it’s helpful or rational to place all the ‘blame’ on the current Australian government.
Dearest Bubbles,
I agree. We shouldn’t have to live in fear. But I don’t know I agree that all of Islam are pure evil. I do believe they have good people in their communities as well. The man who stopped the one shooter was Islamic/Muslim. I think its extremists that are doing these things and I do agree that these extremists need to be stopped.
I saw the video of the man who stopped the one gumman. He was incredibly brave.
I saw the terror plot on LA was thwarted. I also saw it was a barely known group that organized it.
Its been a sad and scary couple of days for sure.
Dear WN,
Many thanks for your comment lovely.
I respectfully respect your right to disagree
Albo is a sleeze bag hating Jew and pro Palestinian supporter, always has been (him wearing the Kippah was an huge insult). He and his Govt have done nothing to stop these continuous Jewish incited weekly marches since Oct 7th, allowing the burning of the Australian flag, the wearing of keffiyeh scarfs, allowing photos of the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and allowing writing abolish Australia on the bridge along with all these protestors supporting the Muslim Brotherhood terrorists who control Gaza and its people. There have been enormous confirmed false reports and pictures about Gaza. Millions and millions of dollars in cash and aid have been sent, ceasefire has been settled and still, the hate and protests continue. Why ?
If it isn’t our Govt’s responsibility to stop this hate, then whose is it ?
The only confirmation is a Royal Commission, which our weasel PM is petrified of. His vehement denial of a Royal Commission proves his guilt. He is a full blown narcissist and I don’t believe one word that comes out of his narcissistic lying thin lips. He was conspicuous by his absence because he knew he stuffed up. Penny Wong is just as bad, their lying is unbelievable! Let’s not also forget Faruqi’s fake attendance, what a hypocrite !
This has never been and is not Australia’s problem, we need to butt out entirely and concentrate on our own problems because right now, we have plenty of our own.
.
Hi Bubbles,
You obviously have some very strong opinions about this.
“This has never been and is not Australia’s problem … ”
To an extent, I agree that the conflict in Gaza over the past two years happened far from Australia and Australian people on the whole have been removed from it and have their own home-based problems.
As the conflict in Gaza wore on and became increasingly oppressive to Palestinians, the rest of the world could not stand by and turn a blind eye. Australia was one of numerous countries that voiced its disapproval of Israel.
Disapproval of Israel’s actions in Gaza over the past year is not the same thing as being antisemitic. These are two separate things. To conflate them inevitably inflames long-running religious hatreds. These ancient religious hatreds have spilled into Australia.
The Bondi attack, while horrific and daunting, is a rare event for Australia, thank goodness.
I still believe that there are various factors involved and it’s more complicated than placing all blame on the current government.
We shall have to agree to disagree on this subject, Bubbles.
Dearest WN,
Many thanks for your reply lovely
Regardless of our different perceptions, it’s always still a pleasure
Wishing you a very Happy New Year and all the best for 2026. 🥳
Dear Bubbles,
Thank you very much for your kind message, it’s much appreciated.
We are allowed to have different perceptions and opinions, it spices things up and makes life more tasty! 😉😄
It’s always a pleasure to ‘talk’ with you as well.
Happy New Year to you and Mr Bubbles and hope 2026 is happy, healthy, safe and joyful for you 🥳😘🥂🎉
Dear Leigh,
Paris have now cancelled the city’s iconic New Year concert on the Champs-Élysées and are on high security alert.
I’ve heard Christmas markets have also been affected, putting up bollards and more security to keep evil out …. Answer, get rid of the problem !!!!! Simple !!!!
In the Hadith and Quran it is written, we are all currently experiencing jihad ! Close all Islamic centres, kick out all the muftis and ayatollahs and those related to them.
Islam is pure evil, lead by psychopaths, it is destroying our western culture and values.
I’m so sorry Bubbles. It’s so sad. ❤️ Sending my love to you and your loved ones. I’ve been to Bondi, it’s a beautiful place.
It’s the extremists in any religion that terrorise unfortunately. Islam preaches peace but it’s corrupted and twisted in the wrong hands, as has happened with other religions for millennia. I think mental health and the current polarization adds layers to these complex situations.
Dear Jade,
Thank you kindly Jade.
The west have had huge problems inflicted on them by their governments, it now needs to be urgently addressed and solved for the safety and concerns for everyone’s sake.
Hi Jade, Leigh and Bubbles,
What happened at Bondi was (and still is) a senseless tragedy. The aftermath is currently unfolding. The TV news continues to report new details each day. The funerals of those who were murdered are currently taking place.
When a horrific event like this happens in your own usually peaceful and tolerant country, it seems even more surreal. It’s very disturbing and uncharacteristic of Australia in general.
Jade,
What you have said about the layers of these complex situations is relevant. There are many layers, and when you see the situation unfolding in detail on an hourly basis on the news, it becomes apparent that it’s a multifaceted tragedy. It affects everyone in some way, shape or form. It is very shocking and sad. It is tragic because it was totally unnecessary.
One news story I listened to gave some background information about the younger gunman. He is a 24 year old bricklayer whose mother is Italian and father is Pakistani. Regarding religion, I heard he was born a Christian. It appears that after his parents divorced (it’s unclear when that occurred), his father converted to Islam. He remained living with his father and apparently converted to Islam along with his father. Both men became ‘radicalised,’ to use the term often employed to describe ‘extremists’ in such events.
To veer from the topic slightly…
By coincidence, on the day I was listening to the news on TV about the shootings, I was also reading and listening to information about Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD). This is a personality disorder that is different from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). OCD is a distressing ego dystonic ‘episodic’ condition with markedly different symptoms. By contrast, OCPD is a pervasive and innate pattern of behaviour.
While listening to the information about OCPD, it occurred to me that the personality traits of someone with OCPD closely match the traits of a person who is devoutly religious.
For example, the main traits of OCPD include:
Rigidity & Stubbornness: Inflexible and stubborn, especially with rules and procedures;
Perfectionism: Striving for flawlessness to the point of task incompletion.
Preoccupation with Order: Overly focused on details, rules, lists, schedules, missing the main point.
Excessive Work: Devotion to work/productivity, excluding hobbies or friendships.
Inflexible Morality: Overly strict about ethics, morality, or values.
Hoarding: Unable to discard worthless or worn-out items.
Reluctance to Delegate: Difficulty assigning tasks unless others follow exact instructions.
Miserly Spending: Hoarding money for future catastrophes, affecting self/others.
Low Emotional Affect; Emotionally cold and lacking in emotional empathy.
OCPD is ego synotic, which means that a person with this disorder sees their traits as desirable and right. This aspect means the person feels internally justified regarding their traits. They are unlikely to have insight or awareness about their traits being problematic or irrational.
When it comes to:
– a rigid adherence to external rules and procedures;
– a righteous and inflexible attitude regarding their own views on morality and ethics;
– a preoccupation and devotion to rules, schedules and details, to the detriment of relationships and enjoyable activities;
– low or cold emotional affect and little emotional empathy,
… it made me think that a dogmatic adherence to religious beliefs is very much like the manifestation of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.
“It’s the extremists in any religion that terrorise unfortunately. Islam preaches peace but it’s corrupted and twisted in the wrong hands, as has happened with other religions for millennia.”
Agree, Jade.
Hi Leigh, Bubbles, WN and Arya,
I agree. Interesting point about OCOD, WN. it would be interesting to hear HGs thoughts on this too. I guess it would complete some of the picture to understand what their personalities were like before radicalisation too.
* should read: OCPD is ego syntonic … *
Dear Jade,
Exactly, that’s why I highlighted terrorists, extremists etc.
Apparently this father and son were supposedly “peaceful” until they weren’t.
You can thank the governments for our current polarisation, they instigated it without our permission.
Look after your people and your country , it’s not that difficult! Be like Poland !
Further to my comment about the Bondi shooting attack, there are several details I would like to add and amend.
Soon after the shooting, there were numerous news reports in the mainstream media stating various details that were not totally factual.
Now, after more than a week, factual information regarding the attack is becoming apparent. Verified investigations have now had time to be established.
A correction: the younger gunman’s father was from India and not Pakistan. The father’s nationality has been confirmed and verified in news reports.
Also, the older man was separated from his wife rather than divorced. It appears that the father and mother were still living in the same house with their children. In early 2024, the father transferred his share of ownership in the property to his wife.
Sources who worked with the younger man said the son was closer to his father than his mother. A colleague who worked with the son on a daily basis recounts him saying he “wanted to be remembered.”
The son was also a member of a hunting club. This club advertises itself as having a focus on education and conservation of natural habitats. It says its vision is to promote acceptance of hunting as a noble sport and to make hunting accessible for everyone.
Just goes to show that the ‘evidence’ regarding events like this can be a moving feast. It takes time to establish facts. Until the facts are verified, there is speculation, gossip, judgement and politicisation.
I think people in general fill the gaps in their knowledge with assumptions and biases.
“Just goes to show that the ‘evidence’ regarding events like this can be a moving feast. It takes time to establish facts.”
Good point ☝️ WN.
Thank you for the updates, WN. I really appreciate yours and Bubbles comments on this. Its because of your comments that I decide to do my own research and learn something in the process.
Hi Jade and Leigh,
Thank you for your comments.
I think when it all boils down to the very essence of things, personality and the personal traits of the individual who chooses to commit a horrible act are the main factor.
As you know, there were two gunmen – a father and son. The father was shot and killed by police at the scene.
The son was shot in the stomach at the scene but was not killed. He was taken to hospital where he was placed in an induced coma. When he woke from the coma after about 48 hours, he was charged with 59 offences over the attack. He has since been transferred from the hospital to a maximum security prison. This transfer took place under a very high police and security guard.
Considering that the son is still alive, I have contemplated whether it would have been better or worse if he had been killed at the scene instead.
Australian taxpayers are now paying for his hospitalisation, security guard, and incarceration. Resources that could be better utilised are being wasted on the hateful and heinous dweeb.
On the other hand, I have also thought that he is now facing the Western consequences of his actions; that is, a criminal trial and life in prison.
He was born and lived in a Western society based on Christian values. He enjoyed and benefitted from living in such a society. He is going to experience the full effect of living in such a society. He is now a criminal and will experience Australia’s justice system.
He’s not a martyr, he’s a felon. He won’t be going to heaven, he’ll be incarcerated for life. He won’t be met with 17 virgins; instead, he will be the virgin on a daily basis for 17 lustful fellow inmates. He won’t be remembered for his actions, he will be remembered as a disgrace and failure. And he did this to himself.
It’s poetic justice that he remained alive.
“I think when it all boils down to the very essence of things, personality and the personal traits of the individual who chooses to commit a horrible act are the main factor.”
I agree WN ☝️
Thanks, Jade.
Hi HG,
A suggestion for topics – time permitting would you be able to do some work on other personality disorders like OCPD and ODD where there could be an overlap with npd?
Thank you 🙏
Note made.
Hello HG and Jade,
Great idea, Jade!
HG,
I agree with Jade that it would be very interesting if you could look into OCPD and/or other disorders, if possible and if time allows.
From what I have experienced in my own family and from the information I have read, there are some similar and overlapping traits and behaviours between NPD and OCPD.
For a start, both disorders are ego syntonic and based on a need for control.
Thank you HG (and WN). 🙏
Dear WN,
I love your attention to detail !
Mainstream media do not report the truth. I was involved with the media recently and they distorted the news report to meet their “paid off” agenda. I rang and reported what actually happened, as I was there. They did not care ! They wanted sensationalism!
In relation to the Bondi Massacre, most of the articles I’ve read are using the word “alleged”, presumably for pre trial purposes and legalities.
Well done.
Always a pleasure WN.
Thank you, Bubbles, that’s kind of you.
I know what you mean about mainstream media and sensationalism. Along with mainstream media, there’s also social media now. There are many sources, video clips, eyewitness accounts and angles, etc, in relation to news reports. There’s so much information about any one event that it’s difficult to keep up.
It helps to have a few trusted news sources. Even then, it also helps to compare the trustworthy sources with each other.
The word ‘alleged’ seems pointless (and insulting to victims too) when there is actual, indisputable video evidence of a perpetrator committing an act.
I guess from a legal perspective it’s safer to err on the side of caution anyway, even when the literal meaning of the word ‘alleged’ in a particular context doesn’t apply.
Dear Leigh,
Well done for researching 😉
Dear Leigh,
Latest update
FBI foils New Year’s Eve terror plot across Southern California by an extremist group to explode at two targeted logistic centres in Los Angeles
Hi Bubbles: Live here. Many are staying in…. But wishing you and the Mr, a happy new year!
Dearest Contagious,
Thank you so kindly lovely one
Mr Bubbles and I are “staying in” and recharging our batteries as we had a very hectic and busy Christmas with a full house. January is busy with birthdays and then our daughter is “tying the knot”. Never a dull moment in the Bubble’s household hehe
Wishing you and your family a very Happy New Year and may 2026 be a positive year in relation to health, happiness and personal growth.
Congratulations to your daughter on her upcoming nuptials, Bubbles! That’s wonderful news!
Happy New Year to you and yours!
I am popping this at the top, Contagious as my comment boxes are glitching…
“Oh and many articles suggest BPD is a failed narcissist. HG has his own take on BPD but I have often read this elsewhere. They are both in the DSM cluster B…..”
Yes, I learnt HGs take on BPD a few years ago. I work with people with BPD and also some with CPTSD diagnosis’ and kept what HG said in mind. I agree with HG from what I’ve seen. One person requested CPTSD was their diagnosis rather than BPD which was agreed upon by their psychiatrist. Funnily enough the one person I think fell into the other category (NPD) wasn’t diagnosed with either
Happy holidays Jade! I have often felt and said HG should be required reading in every psychology school. Out of interest I am reading 2025 ICM. They give descriptions versus “ labeling.” HG is better at it. The issue with BPD is their entitlement, manipulation and rages. They also put their ability to “ feel happy” on others as they feel empty inside or highly insecure. Miserable really. When raging they are often physically and verbally abusive BUT they do respond to DBT well. The diagnosis can disappear and as they age it can disappear. Narcs do not. So while I agree with HG, I have felt Cluster B is a kaleidoscope of a personality. But I see BPD as like a narc but maybe a Picasso blue phase. I say blue as they tend to self harm and sadly Iike 11% die from suicide unlike narc. And they appear to have some although compromised empathy.
Happy Holidays Contagious!
Interesting.. I think I’ve read that the ICM is better than the DSM but yes either one could do with working with HG, for sure. in my little snapshot of people I see through work it’s felt like it’s become clear to me that it’s likely CPTSD rather than BPD most of the time but I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I see people for a short time so I think narcissist indicators would take longer to assess and maybe harder to spot.
Hi again Contagious, I have also wondered about BPD and the crossover with HSPs (contagions?) who are traumatised…
Hello Contagious and Jade
“I have often felt and said HG should be required reading in every psychology school.”
I completely agree with you, Contagious.
If HG’s work were included in the training curricula for psychology, psychotherapy, and of course psychiatry, we could be confident that a person who has been subjected to emotional, physical, or sexualized abuse by a narcissist, and who comes to such a well-trained professional, would encounter understanding rather than judgment — and would receive the most professional and effective help possible.
But I would go even further. Studying HG’s work helps me not only in my work with empaths, but also in my work with narcissists (they are not infrequent visitors in my practice), and, more broadly, in my work with people in general.
Regarding the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, I have fairly extensive experience working with such patients. And they are all different — just as patients with CPTSD are different. Some are very empathic, others not at all. I have already written about this to AA: sometimes, in interpersonal interactions, it can actually be more difficult than dealing with a narcissist, due to the unpredictability of emotional rage episodes, extreme sensitivity, and impulsivity.
A narcissist has never threatened me with suicide. A close friend of mine did so many times. I tried to help her as best I could, but at that time I did not know she had BPD, and I did not even imagine that I would become a psychiatrist — I was drawn to a different field of medicine back then. What is frightening is that these are not empty words: eventually, she was hospitalized in a psychiatric facility.
You mentioned this, Contagious, and I would emphasize that what makes the diagnosis of BPD particularly frightening is the presence of self-harming behavior. Even when it is used as a way to shift from emotional pain to physical pain, it still carries a real threat to life. Patients with BPD have a very high suicide risk.
DBT truly helps them — to such an extent that many who complete a six-month group therapy program often no longer meet the criteria for the disorder afterward. Each story is unique, and everyone is very different, no matter how much the DSM tries to impose labels.
On the other hand, in ICD-11 the diagnosis of BPD — more precisely, Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder — has disappeared, and in some ways this is the right decision. In practice, a person often presents with features of several personality disorders at once; in other words, they are mosaic.
Hi Contagious and Josephina,
Thanks for this Josephina. I was annoyed at work when I reported someone at risk of suicide to be told “that’s just a symptom of BPD”. Yes.. I know that it is a symptom, but its not “just” and doesn’t lessen the risk, as you rightly point out, Josephina. I think maybe EUPD/BPD and CPTSD will all be looked at again properly in years to come.. hopefully with HGs knowledge for sure. As you said, everyone presents differently.. like with NPD.
Ps I have read some of Judith Lewis Herman’s work, very useful.
Josephina: I am lucky you are a blogger. Thank you! You were very good at taking a complex topic and explaining it to me, a layperson. If I ever needed a psychiatrist, I would want someone like you;)
Thank you, Contagious, I’m very pleased!
You are a very interesting conversationalist, and for someone who is not directly connected with psychiatry (if I remember correctly, you are a lawyer?), you have a very good understanding of the subject!!!
Josephina,
Mosaic indeed. And I suspect that often, in the case of an empath who is involved with a narcissist, the narcissist may have far more influence in the situation than they should have, possibly causing a different diagnosis than might be if the narcissist were not involved.
Hello Josephina: Thank you! I have read that Cluster B should just be that as the dramatic and erratic. Her daughter is 20 but it’s been 7 years of cutting, suicide attempts, violence and property damage and the worst verbal abuse imagined. In her relationships there has been cat fishing and stalking. She is selfish. Her empathy is zero when in rage. Misty she mutilates herself. BUT the trigger was going to school, work, drive or not giving her what she wanted. Her arrest for a felony and two nights in jail helped as did her relocation. I got the charges dismissed. She is doing better with a her dad out of state with hard boundaries and driving now and looking for work. No cops, no hospitals and in therapy ( although she always has been in therapy and medicated). She has DBT:) fingers crossed.
By the way, Contagious, have you read the book “Trauma and Recovery” by Judith Lewis Herman? It’s very interesting. Judith is the author who introduced the term Complex PTSD.
Thank you Josephine! No, and I will buy it. X
There is a very powerful excursion into the history of trauma there… damn, even Freud was at its origins, but unfortunately he betrayed his patients under the pressure of the medical community of that time.
HG happy holidays:
Must admit having a few weeks ago having got my best friends felony charge dropped after texting grotesque death threats to her mom, this Nick Reiner murder is getting to me. First, I got her off as a first time offender of felony criminal threat, second she moved to Mississippi with her dad where she is doing better. She is BPD and autistic and usually self harms and threatens suicide usually to get her way…. But second, my ex threatened my life to a point the police offered support and help here in California and were concerned about any visits to the UK. BTW what a country! What a police force! Think LA or NYC would make that call? After my ex psychotic break of paranoid delusions of all these affairs I was having that were false and crazy, I wanted a divorce. I did go to the UK but was cautioned by my son that “ mental illness is real mom. I love you, please don’t see him.” TBH I was afraid. Made no contact but out of honor dropped his things off at a location where I they knew him and he could get it.
I wanted to end our marriage on a positive note, on a friendship. When I say friendship that doesn’t mean you stay in touch. It could be ten years but if you see each other it’s friendly. I gave closure to myself. My ex is a middle lower narc. When in high school he spent two years in a mental hospital outcare. He told me it was because his crazy mother never educated him and isolated him from the world. Now I wonder. If no illness, wouldn’t they kick him out? Plus he spoke of his high powered job that was international and eager to have him live here and pay him from London. He lied and never told me he lived unemployed with his mother for 7 years like a hermit before meeting me. When I found out, he claimed he had a heart attack at 38 from work stress. Only last year I learned his heart attack occurred unemployed fighting with his crazy mum. Plus his father bio had one at 42. Genetic. But I feel I dodged a bullet now. When death threats occurred, I ended it. I had already refused to live with him for two years due to his verbal abuse. I tried to manage it. Plus my son left the marines and I knew my son would pummel him so I protected my son.
From these two close personal experiences…. If someone threatens you, especially repeatedly even if no violence but usually they smash your property or in my case dump water on your head…. Run. Protect yourself. Like my son said mental illness is no joke. The Reiners proved that and I am glad to have helped move her daughter to Mississippi. There has already been one hospitalization since. 5150. And for me, the moment death threats occurred… goodbye. No longer even wanted to manage him.
Also I LOVE this that I heard on Rob Reiner… why pity them, they spend every waking moment putting themselves. So true.
Oh HG! I forgot to add. The reason I wrote this to you was to thank you for the excellent analysis of Nick Reiner! I have watched many… you are the best. I imagine that you are asked about high profile cases and to do profiling. You are amazing. Happy holidays! I look forward to your continued input on the case as it will drag on. Also I am ready to buy any new books, and any new additions to the Knowledge Vault….
Hi Contagious,
Holy shit, what a crazy story! Your ex was a middle lesser narc. Thank God you got away from him, well done. Middle lessers are crazy and can be dangerous. I think you also mentioned somewhere that your ex–mother-in-law was totally crazy too. Good riddance. I can relate.
Given your name, are you a majority contagion empath?
Also, it’s very nice of you to help your best friend with the felony charge. Sounds like she has a complicated relationship with her mother. Do you work in law enforcement or the judicial system? I think tough empaths can definitely do a lot of good within those fields. You gotta be made out of steel for certain situations, though.
Hi Amusedempath: I don’t know if my middle lesser or his mother were able to kill but I ASSUMED so given their behaviors. Never second guess. Protect! Swords up! I share my experiences to help others. I am an attorney and was a DA and offered a job at the US Attorneys office. I am majority contagian but very close to carrier. My cadres are martyr which I feel is my religion and the way I expend myself to help others and causes as I a good at boundaries elsewise but? I am also a bit geyser and Super but small percents. I identify with contagian as I know how others feel. And my dreams. I am a highly lucid dreamer. Any knowledge I have on narcissism or psychopathy is either lived or through HG. I have consulted, bought everything and been around 10 years I think? Plus this community like yourself attracts bright educated people who help me too! Happy New Year! All the best to you!
One more thing… I sent it to HG. There’s a man with a blog called jumpsuitpablo who discusses like in a California prison. He says:
1. The new society Nick joined won’t care about him murdering his family or seniors or women. Most would like to kill their partners who aren’t taking their calls or sending 20$ and the elderly? They would kill their partners who 71 prison guard in a heartbeat for taking their contraband.
2. They do look at if the new guy is a threat. Fear and violence run this society. They look at if the guy is big, strong, dangerous? Nick is a big guy 6’3” and 230. He called Nick as a bag of vanilla pudding but they will take notice that he has the ability to stab you to death with a knife. That will be noticed. Gangs will consider it. Many couldn’t stab a 71 year old women asleep in bed. But…
3. Money! They will extort you by the violent threatening people….. but if no money and broke in prison. He is screwed. He will owe weight. Nick needs to paid for protection in a max prison in CA. Whites, blacks and Hispanics. The whites probably won’t unless money. They may use him as a crash test dummy as a rich bitch. There is no one. Everything is survival. He could be a cockroach at bottom of the hierarchy. He gets in a cell with a guy with drugs, a gun, a cellphone who bought this stuff. If busted, Nick the cockroach says it’s his. If agreed, don’t beat him up, stab him or rape him. He’s my scapegoat. This is how he can survive.
But the real downfall will be he was a drug addict. No one gives a shit. The gangs exploit it. They don’t look at those types as weak minded who can’t beat it. You can get drugs in prison . It’s all over the prisons. If money, he will be doing drugs galore. Prices are high! I don’t agree that Nick won’t have money, he wil have money for drugs. Pot in chapstick is 50$. If no money, but desire….Nick will sell his ass and risky things …. Prisoners get strung out, make promises to the gang leaders, and they don’t pay up. Tortured or DEAD.
There’s no tv, no cell, no stimuli in prison. Quality of life sucks. Boredom is rampant.
This is why life without parole here in CA prison is not the same as a mental institute.
Dr Robert Hare spoke of the high number of psychopaths in prison. But even among psychopaths… Nick v the gang leaders? Ummmm… he most likely will die unless well funded. This guy gives him 5 years tops
Also California has been sued by the federal government for overcrowding and inhumane conditions. Twin Towers is the worst of the worst. Nick is wearing a blue vest for suicide watch. They won’t even let you wear underwear. This housing is disgusting. Many regular go in and out of “S watch. “ The prison does concern itself with liability. You are in a room with zero privacy at all times. It’s all windows. No bedsheets. You might get a mattress more like a yoga mat. No toilet. It’s freezing. It’s lit 24/7. It’s in the main area for staff. Staff makes sure you are alive. Your dignity is gone. Animal in the zoo. They carve a hole in the ground for a toilet. They strip search you but they search the hole for drugs to prevent death in case you brought pills to kill you. Guards come by every 15 minutes to check on you even if asleep. Stress and torture.
Hello HG, I have a bit of a strange question, Would a narcissist ever visit the grave of a “loved one” alone? And if yes, what might they be?
I know a narcissist who will not go to the cemetery on their own. I can understand that you can feel apprehensive to go on your own, or might want a friend to with you to visit for differing reasons.
Regarding the narcissist, if they have no emotional empathy towards the person who passed, why visit alone? I can’t see how they can achieve the prime aims unless they speak of it to somebody else and if they can speak of it, why go? There is nothing to gain when visiting someone’s grave if they have no emotional empathy to start with. Or are there some narcissists who believe they can have control of the other side due to their delusions.
Thank you
Yes.
The person would be dead I should imagine for someone to go and visit the grave.
Use of the visit can be utilised to manipulate other people on other occasions.
Bear in mind, attending a cemetery alone provides opportunities for picking up those grieving widows/widowers, happy hunting.
Merry Christmas, HG! Xx❤️❤️ Merry Christmas to everyone on the blog! Xx💕 I hope everyone has a better New Year with much health and happiness! 💕xx
Hi HG,another question on character traits. When someone “dumbs” their intelligence down to assert control (and tells others that they do that on purpose), is that a strong narcissistic indicator?
An indicator.
Thank you HG 🙂
I’ve been listening to a few more videos HG:
Pity plays and the mid range narcissist – I find it spooky how much you know, even down to the exact words they use, exactly what they say. 🥷
Character trait acquisition – very interesting and it tracks to learn that greaters have more genuine elements to their personality/construct too. It probably relates to how people are drawn to you too. You seem more able to genuinely express things about yourself and your experiences than I’ve noticed with other Ns (of course, still in pursuit of the prime aims though).
Thank you 🙏
You are welcome.
Indeed, I have spent plenty of time observing them to be able to share this information with you.
The vibes before running your father through the narc detector.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/J5LGiO1FWhA
The vibes after the narc detector.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/VMOWzY22oCk
🤣 2nd one killed me. “I like unexpected” yes, it took a while.
Evening HG, I hope you’re well. I’m currently reading this thread from the beginning which is very useful. I noticed you mentioned your younger brother being aware of your blog in the early days… I’m guessing the URL is the same do wondering if he’d be aware of your work now? 🤔
It has not been mentioned.
Did your brother’s knowledge of your blog concern you, HG? Xx
No.
Mm. H, you always seem less concerned than us about you being “found out” which makes sense of course, being who you are. 🤔 Do you think there might be some fear from him of approaching it with you?
Of course. He’s my brother. He know better than most what I do.
Oops! That sounded very casual of me calling you “H”… It should have said HG! lol 😅
Yikes! That makes sense. 🥷 Though I imagine it could be a counter balance for him, to what he knows about you. It might be a bit like discovering your “scary” sibling is also actually a super hero in their down time! 🦸♀️
Mr. Tudor,
Is there any way someone from your personal life could approach the subject of the blog and not risk being painted black? I do not see why your brother would be confrontational about it. Couldn’t he approach you from a position of curiosity and love? He knows your ways. He also loves you. He’s an empath. He’s surely been the beneficiary of your benign and malign manipulations utilized on his behalf. i.e. A benign manipulation toward him required malign manipulations toward others. I think he likely has known this or figured it out a while ago.
Thank you for your time. Much appreciated.
There is an understanding that this is not to be done.
Thank you for answering.
Answers like: “There is an understanding that this is not to be done.” are always ominous.
1. Is any approach about the blog from people in your personal life a threat to control?
2. Do you decorate your Christmas tree yourself? You mentioned a story about a traffic cone and a Christmas tree in years past recently.
Thank you so much for your time. Much appreciated.
1. Yes.
2. Yes, I deck the halls (and the trees).
Thank you for answering, Mr. Tudor.
I wish we could see your decked halls. I’m sure they are the Ultra expression of holiday cheer.
Does your inner nerd show up in Christmas Tree ornaments or are you more traditional glass baubles, tinsel, and garland?
It’s HG’s place, baby.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XVjl8p4KCNQ
Hahaha!
Just came back to add a little context in case this sounded confusing Leigh.. the ex’s explanations never really made sense, though I think he was trying to explain.. which is why *if* he were a narcissist, HGs explanation fits…
Dear HG,
As it’s getting a bit festive/whimsical and I have not questions for a while:
1) Are you a coffee drinker? If so, are you a stickler for how it’s brewed and do you have a preferred preparation? Eg, pour over, Aeropress, espresso-based, black, etc? Eg, I had a pal who only drank black Americano and said, ‘Never f*ck with your coffee!’
2) How about tea? Are you a leaf and pot man? Not sure I can imagine you making a teapot with tea. If you like teapot tea, do you have a tea cosy, if I may be so bold?
2) Do you have your cologne/aftershave made for you, a bespoke blend, or do you have a mystery favourite?
3) If ‘yes’ to any above, do these preferences change seasonally? Do you drink Christmas blend coffees? If so, do you have a favourite blend and would you recommend it, or prefer to keep it sacrosanct?
4) Christmas cake (with or without Wensleydale?) OR Christmas Pudding?
5) Sherry OR port?
I think that’ll do, don’t you?
1. I rarely drink coffee.
2. I prefer tea. I occasionally make a pot of tea. No, I do not have a tea cosy.
3. No, I have a range of colognes I use.
4. I do not drink Christmas coffee.
5. Christmas pudding.
6. Port.
Well, there we go then! Thank you for humouring me, HG. 😀
I’ve just noticed my errant numbering system! Maybe my subconscious thought it could squeeze an extra question in, whilst maintaining the facade of brevity 😀
Also: ‘I have not questions for a while’.
Apologies, if applicable.
Whilst I’m here…HG, are you fussy about your tea or is it a means to an end?
Eg, Do you have a favourite region and brand? Ultra tea; Greater tea; Mid Range tea or Lesser? Hey – we all like a bit of rough sometimes but I draw the line at Liptons, PG and Tetley, but no judgement. Safe space.
Best wishes.
I have preferred teas.
Thank you HG, I predict easier slumber now I know you have preferred teas.
One must ask the right questions in life 😀
I had taken too much of the coffee when I asked that question.
Dear Contagious,
I’m trying to find your comment on the blog about birth rates, but I lost. I don’t remember where I saw it, so I post my reply to you here.
But before that couple points:
About venting – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I used the bad wording to express my intentions.
Secondly, on location where you post your questions to HG – please post them wherever you prefer. It’s not my blog and not my call. It is actually even amusing for me sometimes to read a comment “empaths swords up” as a reply to a dick size comment. So please take my apologies. You are Sunshine here.
Okay, my reply is below. I do find birth rates decline as a serious problem:
Please can you send me a link to this clip? I want to check it, too. I used to watch him quite a lot, but not lately. He is clearly a very charismatic individual. Probably a Narcissist.
About birth rates.
“the world is in danger”, not the world actually, it’s mostly related to the West World. China, India are doing fine. Just these two countries amount to 3 bln, out of 8 total. Though in big Chineese cities, birth rate is indeed dropping over last decade, still. It’s not like in Europe.
This topic – reduction in birth rate among developed (and not only, in Russia birth rates are dropping, too) countries is quite complicated. Many factors. Evolution has a wicked sense of humor. I agree, cost of living/rising a child is a big factor. Also that women seek financial independence from men, want to build their own career etc.
Another one, I think is somehow connected to narcissism. The world becomes more narcissistic. People want to look young, stay young, act young as long as possible. It translates into a behavior, too. Emotional/Social infantilism/immaturity. There is a shift in age bar when a person is considered to be old, especially it’s evident in Western Europe, Canada, US. At 30 – life only begins. Really??
I don’t judge, I even envy such attitude. But female body is not aware of this outside social influences, that ofc leads to IGV, which as I heard rarely successful at first time.
It’s a tough choice for women. There is never a perfect time to have a baby. Dating, Career, have fun, travel etc.
Another contributing factor is people, especially young ones, below 30 are more and more into virtual world and relationships. Phone is their life. They don’t need children, they are satisfied just live in cyber space. I’ve heard in Japan 30% of population below 30 years old are still virgins.
And tbh, I believe, financial aspect of rising a child, though is a problem, but serves more as an excuse. Look at Scandinavian countries. They have the best policies for rising children. There is almost no poverty there, and then see a birth rate statistics. It’s been declining for decades. People are becoming more selfish.
I understand why a woman decides to become childfree, the problem though, they often change their mind by age of 35, but by that time, it might be too late or they realize it’s not that easy to get pregnant. I read somewhere, that if a woman hasn’t had any pregnancy by 35, there is some hormones changes are happening to them. Like the body says : screw this, I’m tired of waiting and switches to a different mode. It effects libido, too. Also there is a theory that a breast cancer is higher with women who didn’t breastfeed. Female body is complicated organism.
What can be done about birth rates? I don’t think this tendency can be changed significantly by any new initiatives.
Ohhhhh Arya: First of all, I adore you! And I can vent if it’s a specific topic that gets a bee in my bonnet! No offense. Look life is hard and painful enough, we should try to support each other not inflict pain and you my dear have not. I get amused about online comments as many reflect the real world feedback I get and some do not. The thing is I have so much love in my life and Faith, if my feelings ever are in jeopardy, I think of the love I share. It’s who you love and who loves you in the end… as my father told me the day he died. A lesson well learned. But you knew my mind! Sweden! Why is Sweden not having babies. Japan is so in decline as in China. Oddly the Hasidic Jews in the USA are one of the few breaking baby declines! Interesting isn’t it? I do feel the economy is a strong contender. My 22 year old daughter says men are the problem. They want to provide and if they can’t afford a house and a family. My son age 24 says his generation is fucked. He said what did you pay for your home? It’s tripled in cost which is good for me not for him. His comment was “ salaries have not.” AI is cutting into entry level jobs. But I also think social media and virtual words such as GAMING is a big thing. Young men don’t drink, do drugs but man do they game. It’s addictive. And the plastic surgery, the travel, etc…. Young middle class people like the idea the younger generation looked forward to at retirement. And you are right about body image, the pressures from the internet is destroying the mental heath of young women. I love Emily in Paris (season 5 on 12/18) but was surprised she had a baby via surrogacy. Maybe health but my own22 year old girl says it bothers her how pregnancy changes the body. Can’t Deny this reality but she knows how I feel about children. She says probably knew I wanted to be another at age 5. I said you may be right as having children was the greatest of my life the happiest time! I love children. Still do. Like many her age not ready but she agrees she would probability regret if it passed her by. Young. The statistics I read, AI google, also say many do. That is not to say a woman who does not want babies should. Definitely not. It’s just scary post apocalyptic that so many don’t. I also think many feel this world is too crazy to bring is chid into it. AI to take over jobs, climate change, shootings, the risks of cultural change through immigration, war… oh and a pandemic. But history always had violence, the baby boomers were after WWII. So it still shows a shift and not a good one in my opinion and value system. And I don’t get the lack of sex? I always knew which area of Dante’s inferno I would burn if sent to hell;) My 81 year is mother says even in her day e did not eat to date unless they had “jingle in their pocket.” I still think economics driven by the greedy never ending hungry for money and power narcs and psychopaths remain a world threat. Rome wasn’t built I a day but it fell quickly. Who knows?
Thank you, Contagious. I adore you too. You are very strong woman. You never give up.
Online gaming is a big thing. There is a whole world up there. I’ve been ensnared by two narcs through online gaming. It ended very badly for me. And it’s quite addictive. People play for years the same game, living there. Some meet through it and marry in RL. Some divorce, some form friendships.
Thank you for your comment and I wish you Happy Holidays 💕❄️☃️
Ohhh Arya: First, thank you. Second… I only have lived through online gaming for decades because of my son who is absolutely a gamer and I hear him laugh and shout. I have had neighbors complain and he needs to check his use of words…. lol….I don’t know how I feel about my son living in a virtual world or meeting my future daughter in law there but if it makes him happy, ok by me. So to me- game on! I have always loved gaming to some extent for teens as it doesn’t matter what you look like, how adept you are at sports, if you are popular or not… you are accepted there for you. Now… I guess there are good gamers and I do hear my son grumble that he often gets the “ losers” assigned to his “ team.” So….i asked him and he did confirm that the teams are often assigned. My sons room is futuristic … 26,000 worth of computers, screens, pixel things….and he is studying computer science and AI and in Japan than South Korea now which I think is a popular destiny for gamers. But hey! I want to go too! X
Interesting discussion about declining birth rates. Times have changed indeed. We all hope to stay forever young, and thank God for plastic surgery! I’m 34, and my life is just starting now. Not that I haven’t lived until now. Quite the contrary. My life has been interesting at times, but I was deep inside narcissism and never really living my own life. Always attached to others or others attached to me. Now that I finally understand narcissism and the people in my past and present, things are much easier.
In regards to children, I think it is a beautiful thing to have them, but I also understand if someone doesn’t want to. I don’t really feel like it is my responsibility to breed to save humanity. Some species eventually die out. I’m not saying that humanity will die out, but you never know. Earth might get hit by a comet or Yellowstone might erupt. In that case, it really doesn’t matter whether you have zero or twenty children.
Sweden is indeed a great country to have children in. Most people are able to have decent paying jobs, society is kid-friendly, and there are supportive structures around you. Men and women are also very equal, with both moms and dads taking parental leave. There is a term called Swedish latte dads, a new species of men apparently. Some upper middle class/upper class women even refuse to breastfeed and instruct the dad to take the nights and bottle-feed the baby. They consider it fair since they sacrificed themselves for the pregnancy and birth.
Oh and Arya, it’s interesting that you have been into the gaming world and that you got ensnared there twice. I don’t really know much about it at all. It’s crazy that people get married virtually. What the heck.
“It is actually even amusing for me sometimes to read a comment “empaths swords up” as a reply to a dick size comment.”
Haha!
Hahaha Whocares…. Although single right now. Yup. Always good to have a very iron hard strong sword… up! Sergeant Major… please oh please stand in attention! Forward March! Left right, left right, forward March. Again:) lol
“narcissists vs super empaths – why the similarities?” – thank you for this HG. 🙏 It answered many of my questions and I appreciate that it may have been in response to recent threads here so thought I’d post it here for anyone that hasn’t seen it yet:
https://youtu.be/Rt5yVOmQ1vQ?si=aNSOs1ONR4EmU3yY
Hi Jade,
I’ve already listened twice so far and I’ll listen at least one more time! I like to repeat the videos so they really sink in.
I definitely need repeat listens to this too Leigh. ✊
Thank you for the recommendation Jade. This is a very interesting video. What it brings home to me yet again is that to be an empath of any kind, we need to be aware of HG and what he teaches, we need to take it to heart, we need to share with trusted others about our struggles with narcissists and our addiction to them. We need to be NC with known ones and extremely cautious with suspected ones. This video is not positive for the unaware SE, or any other kind of empath, it is in fact discouraging. It is only through knowledge about narcissism and the dynamics within the relationship, the realization that there is more available to humans, within human relationships, and the desire to have it, that change is likely. Thankfully, we do have HG to teach us about all that.
Another thought I had while watching the video is that on this blog, because of recent discussions on the blog. I think it is more likely that people respond to a comment that may be perceived as hurtful regardless of what kind of empath they are, or even if they are not an empath. People are people, hurtful comments are responded to on many blogs and forums all the time, by any type of person. Yet, like here, on those same blogs and forums, when it is the same people making the hurtful comments and refusing to make them right when confronted, that is not super empath behavior. That is not empath behavior. We know who’s behavior that is. On this blog, most of us have lived with it irl.
Also, about the blog, no one knows any one in real life, we have only what is written here to base an analysis on. Sometimes, I believe that is enough to have suspicions, especially if over a period time. But even then, I would never say definitely unless having heard it from HG.
As I said recently on another thread, normals will often just state what’s up. No apologies, just their perception. If it is refused, no discussion offered, no apology forthcoming, a normal is more likely to walk away. And not look back.
Where we can get into trouble as empaths is that it seems, no matter what type we are, we can have a strong desire for truth, justice, clarity etc. Narcs are aware of this “need”. Thankfully we are not narcs, we can change despite these strong desires, we can achieve NC, which we know to be the best thing.
Hi AV,
(Dani, I hope you see this too.)
I’ve listened to Mr. Tudor’s video 4 times. I’ve also pulled up the transcript and read it. I absorb better when reading.
I though it was a little discouraging too. My interpretation was that Mr. Tudor was saying that super empaths have to be careful when dealing with a narcissist because they can become unknowingly ensnared because of the similarities.
“I’ve explained, super empaths are drawn to narcissists not out of codependent neediness, but because the narcissist projection of confidence, the apparent satisfaction with self, that they appear comfortable in their own skin, mirrors the strengths of the supermpath. Supermpaths see something of themselves
in this veneer, interpreting the narcissist’s dominating charisma as aligned with their own healing gifts.”
“Narcissists are the only people who burn as ferociously in their way as the superempath. And to the superempath that is irresistible. To the superempath, the narcissist appears as a worthy counterpart, intense, insightful, even redeemable, while the narcissist perceives the superempath as a high value conquest. This phase masks core differences.”
“Yet the external similarity, vibrant boundary testing intensity hooks them, often leading supermpaths to rationalize through emotional thinking red flags as a passion akin to their own, and both again appearing similar.”
“The seduction’s mutual glow, the devaluation’s mirrored resistances, and the supernova’s narcissistic echo foster a dangerous affinity, often trapping supermpaths in cycles they could otherwise shatter. This resemblance is the narcissist’s greatest lure and the superempath’s call to awareness.”
“Recognizing it empowers disengagement over detonation.”
Thank you AV and Leigh (Dani etc all),
I need to rewatch this and also watch the super nova ones. I’m pretty sure I’d be low in super if I am in fact an empath lol so it’s interesting learning more about this as it feels new but helpful to get a fuller picture. I think maybe some good friends in the last have been supers. It’s interesting the symbiosis that HG describes between them and narcissists but how that can keep them stuck.
There’s a few things that I’m learning here that haven’t come on my radar in all my narcissism studying prior to HG. One is the truth seeker trait.. as you mention AV, I can see how it keeps us hooked. I work in mental health and also have started to pick up on this with my clients (often sensitive / and or autistic individuals). Definitely something to watch. I’m getting better at dropping the rope 🪢 but it still trips me up at times…
Yes. Often our traits can keep us hooked as well, Jade. I’m high in truthseeker too and it can cause me to obsess a little bit. LOL! More like a lot!
Good point Leigh!
Oh I can’t identify with that … I never obsess .. I’m sure you’ve noticed lol 😂😂😂
LOL, Jade!
Hi Leigh, this is to Jade also,
I just wanted to clarify that I was thinking the video was discouraging for unaware empaths only, of all the different varieties of empath. I was not including those who understand, who’ve thrown their rose colored glasses away, who have knowledge and so on. That said, there is always a danger for an empath when it comes to a narc, but I think those with knowledge have a much better chance of not being ensnared.
One thing I’ve been meaning to mention here generally too Leigh and AV, is the importance of finding “trusted” people in terms of not being ensnared again. I finally made two IRL friends over the last few years. I’ve moved a lot and I don’t have friends from childhood, partly as a result of probable narcs too. I don’t mind meeting new people but there’s obviously always the N risk that we need to think about. I’m not closed to new connections but am pleased I’ve found some tried and tested trustworthy ones so that I’m not having to put myself into the lions den again. I’m also pretty introverted so don’t need a lot of contact with humans! 🫣 Ps this applies online too, doesn’t it?
Hi AV,
I did find it discouraging for empaths who are aware too because I could see how I could still unknowingly get pulled into that dance with the narc. I do agree that we’re definitely better with awareness but it still made me nervous. After the video, I actually told my empath friend, if she ever sees me getting caught in the narcissistic dynamic again, to please tell me!
Jade,
I am like you in this, only a few select friends, none from childhood, but all carefully chosen and who’ve grown in importance to me over long periods of time. I have very high, very solid walls up with most people for probably much longer than I need to. I am okay with that.
I believe it applies online also.
Hi Jade,
Yes, finding someone you can trust is key. I have an empath friend in real life who I can trust. Its so important. We have each other’s back for sure! And yes, that’s true for online as well.
Hi AV & Leigh, it’s good to hear you’re both similar. ☺️ Boundaries are our friend for sure. It was interesting, before learning about HG, but after learning about narcissism, I got to know 4 different women over roughly the same period. I analysed them closely as we got to know each other and 2 have become close friends.
The third women is a friend and we also have something we’re involved with her for professionally and she’s very helpful with that too partly from our friendship. She’s lovely but after what felt a little like love bombing she’s not very good at staying in touch but she definitely has emotional empathy and is still a friend but another layer. The last one displayed red flags. She’s the neighbour I got nervous about seeing a while ago. She seemed to enjoy mean gossip, conflict, triangulation, pity plays and haughty and grandiose. I’ve managed to keep it friendly (as she seems quite dismissive unless it’s about her, when she seems very sensitive) but mostly avoid her luckily. It’s definitely a screening process! And takes time. But worth it. The two friends in particular are diamonds. 💎 I’m amazed at how little attention I used to pay to this stuff when I was younger. You live and learn!!
Hi Jade,
I missed this comment. I think its important to listen to your gut. The one friend who you described as love bombing you, sounds a little concerning. Maybe just keep an eye on her too.
Are these 4 woman all friends together? If you went no contact with the neighbor with several red flags, would it be an issue with the other 3 friends?
I appreciate your reply as always Leigh. I know all 4 separately. I learnt my lesson with “group” friendships in the situation I told you about before lol. The one to keep an eye on isn’t very good at keeping in touch but hubby and I agree she’s an amazing help for the thing I mentioned (sorry it’s a bit cryptic ) so it feels balanced in a way though I think will dwindle once that needs changes.
Funnily enough the old best friend I told you about got in touch recently for a milestone. All good and positive, no mention of the two others. I was friendly but closed it gently after a few messages. I realised it’s all forgiven but not forgotten which I feel is the best way. If she brought anything up properly I’d deal with it further but I think there’s 1% chance of that from her side, which I’m at peace with. I think I’ve moved on. ❤️
Ps sending hugs and hope my other message landed in the way I intended xx
The only problem I have A Victor with going total No Contact with a non-narc ( who can’t change) is sometimes love and compassion to someone lashing out or acting badly due to insecurity, pain or even just a bad day is needed. Light is the only thing that changes darkness. I have applied this tactic and sometimes it works. My best friend who is undoubtedly normal will sometimes say mean things to people. She can be defensive and hostile over an innocent remark. For example…. I might say and show compassion for a certain group of people starving who lost their homes and children and she might say something about the aggressors of that country in that war- like “ you hate them? Look what they did to “us?” And I will reply. Of course I don’t hate them. People aren’t their government and I love you. You know me. And I know you, you are a kind person who doesn’t want to see people starve, lose their homes or see a child die either. Boom tat boom. My friend is now herself. Kind. Now I know her …. but people can be turned around, not narcs, with kindness, patience, understanding at times. Not all times and not under all circumstances. No need to keep banging your head against a wall. We all know children and ok they are children can act badly as they feel bad, they need boundaries but many need a hug, nurture, love. People who are ill are often foul tempered but it’s because they feel bad. They need love too. My two cents. I hate to see family members estranged or anyone unless dealing with a narcissist or psychopath or real abuse. I have seen good people do this and it’s usually pride, a narcissistic trait ( over forgiveness and healthy communication.)
I understand Contagious. Thank you for your two cents. I think every situation needs to be handled individually and the ones where NC is needed are likely worst case scenarios, where someone sees the narcissist often, lives with them maybe, and is routinely put in a position of being abused. I think it is also different for former spouses vs family members, often the latter will be at events and we do what we must to protect ourselves, it is then ANC. But I have no need or desire to be anywhere around my ex again, full NC is best and achievable.
I don’t believe that we must work to continue a relationship with anyone who has routinely abused us, I believe we can and should cut those people off until they come to us and apologize and literally we can see them working to fix things, something we know a narc will never do long term. It can be pride that makes me feel this way, if that’s what people think, that is their right. I see it as self preservation, self protection, self care. I think those are things that empaths often choose to ignore and it’s time for many to realize we’re not only allowed to say no to mistreatment, it’s often in the best interest of everyone for us to do so, including the abuser.
Hi AV,
I agree 100%! We can choose to say no to being mistreated even if the person isn’t a narcissist. Its ok if we choose self preservation, self protection and self care even if its our pride driving us. I also agree as empaths we often choose to ignore the behaviors and stay stuck in abusive cycle.
Thank you for this. I know this to be true but I need reminders A LOT!
A Victor: I totally agree. No one deserves being repeatedly abused. I am more leaning to how quick people use the term narcissist and might go No Contact without trying healthy communication. The term narcissist is often brought up when I socialize and while it’s rising… it makes me pause when they discuss the whys. They need HG. Also children that have a difficult temperament as a child ( tied to narc gene) often become narcs due to the reaction to them ….a good parent loves a child no matter what. They may not like the behavior, they may still be grounded but they feel validated, loved, accepted, attached. Not rejected or invalidated. Plus take all that energy and put it to positive energy like sports or negative energy will occur. I read a study in NYC once where basketball courts were installed in the projects and it actually reduced crime. It sounds odd but I raised two wonderful children this way and it applies to humans. Again not narcs or psychopaths as it would be tumbling into an abyss and I learned my lesson but with normals, empaths, strangers and ALL children. I give people the benefit of doubt that they are good and like me just trying to put one foot in front of the other walking this Earth. If we are so quick to label and throw out, it’s harder to build a community. What I am saying differs than what you are saying repeated abuse. No one needs it, GO, even without a narc detector.
One last thing… it was a general statement. I agree with your response. I don’t see your choice as one of pride A Victor and btw Bravo at making it:)
Joining in here to say I need these reminders too. When I first met hubby, he helped me a lot with this. I think he’s an empath too but much better with boundaries than I had at that point. He likened relationships to a tennis match, trying to roughly do the same as your partner. Sometimes you might do a little more, sometimes a little less. I realised I’d often be running around the court playing the whole game for them too! 🥴 Some co-dependency maybe lol?!
But I try and do that now.. match the energy. It doesn’t mean we need to be “mean” does it? But we can be aware… I think it’s probably something that’s always a weak spot for empathic people to watch out for…
Hi Contagious,
I agree, the term narcissist is far too casually thrown around today, and it can be used as a reason for some to go NC with people rather than attempting to work through issues. It’s a balancing act at times, to determine what is appropriate for us with regard to another. Sometimes, just that sense that we must balance it can be a yellow flag, indicating that we should proceed with caution. If we do and things are worked out, great, if it goes the other way, becoming red flags, we have our answer.
I also agree that many who throw the word narcissism around do need HG. The good news for us here is that we have HG, making us a little better hopefully at determine what our best course of action is with people.
I wholeheartedly agree that children need love and need to feel it consistently. I think that is one thing that empaths can do quite well, if they’re in a good place with their ET and such.
As an aside, it hit me last night that, if I’m remembering right, super empaths are “super” for the very fact that they have super amounts of empathy. When I remembered this, I thought this is why it is especially difficult to envision them being less than kind in situations involving people other than narcissists. If I am incorrect in my memory HG, please let me know.
Contagious,
Also, thank you for the bravo, that was very kind!
I have wanted to let you know, I appreciate your upbeat spirit and encouragement to people here to work at getting along.
Truthseeker,
I really enjoyed reading your observations about the SE. I thought it was interesting that you noticed what people picked out, the words being said for the SE or the ad hominem attacks for the narcissist.
I am curious. How do you interpret the person being attacked who says nothing? Are they a narc asserting control, a SE walking away (as they are more likely to do), a contagion withdrawing, a normal, or a person (who regardless of their Tudor classification) has chosen to apply what they have learned from the world’s leading expert in narcissism and psychopathy and ignoring the bad actor?
What is a tomato? A fruit? A vegetable? A butterfly? If just the word tomato is heard…do you have enough context to know what is being talked about?
I’ve yet to regret following Mr. Tudor’s advice with toxic behavior. And I have yet to benefit from failing to do so. There’s always more to be learned from Mr. Tudor.
Hi Dani,
I’m having real problems with the Narcsite snow! It takes an age for me to scroll down and my typing stalls every few seconds. I’m going to respond to you, Annamel and NA here under your comment. I don’t like doing that usually, my apologies.
Dani,
The person who is attacked but says nothing.
I would estimate several possible reasons.
1. The empath believes the commenter to be a narcissist and being well taught here knows how to deal with them.
2. The empath believes the commenter to be a narcissist and simply doesn’t respond because dismissal is her preferred means of defence irrespective of what she has learned here.
3. The empath believes the commenter to be a narcissist, weaponises her silence and takes great delight in witnessing the various manipulations hurled at her as the narcissist predictably tries to assert control. (That one might be an SE haha!)
4. The empath believes the commenter is another empath experiencing high ET so takes the provocation on the chin, does not respond, or responds once to clarify, then doesn’t pursue further.
5. The empath believes the commenter is a non narcissist, but recognises the commenter is so entrenched in their views, there is no point responding at that time.
6. The empath believes the commenter is a narcissist, or believes the commenter is a non narcissist and either way elects not to respond to the provocation as she knows that there are new arrivals to the blog, vulnerable and looking for assistance. She believes the needs of those empaths are more important than her need to give oxygen to a conflict simply to win an argument.
Context is very important as you say. Behaviours over time tend to reveal the truth of matters. Tomato. It’s an attractive fruit that can cause inflammation. Narc fruit! Xx
NA,
I agree. An SE with a strong Truthseeker trait might well remain engaged beyond the point where other empaths feel comfortable. I have witnessed this several times on the blog.
I think it’s worth highlighting too that there can be trait differences between SE’s. SE’s are rarely of just the SE school. They are more often a mix of schools but with SE as majority, as such they will not behave identically. There will however be strong similarities. We end up in majority schools because we share the characteristics of that school.
Annamel,
Thank you, I’m glad you found my comment of interest.
I understand why you asked the question. I am unwilling to answer in the context of specific commenters. To answer in that context will likely not achieve anything other than generating further conflict. Those who believe a commenter to be a narcissist and those who believe the commenter to be a SE are already invested in their point of view and would not be influenced by my opinion. Nor should they be. The end result would remain the same, supporters and detractors remaining in the same camps.
The way I approach your question in general is to look carefully at behaviours over time. Look at historic interactions between commenters and other blog commenters not just the commenters in conflict at the current time.
Narcissists learn which buttons to push through interaction. How do they behave with those who refuse to interact? Do they circle back with further provocation or do they let it drop and respect boundaries? Empaths can agree to disagree or even agree not to interact further. If both are empaths boundaries will be respected. If there is one narcissist in the mix, then the dance will more often continue indefinitely.
I found HG’s video about SE vs Narcissist very helpful. I had to listen to it a few times to fully understand the meaning, but once I did understand it, I think he was spot on. That video tells people far more than I can.
Hi Truthseeker6157,
I get it. I was having trouble with the length of the other thread, and I opted for the easy solution of starting a new thread and trusting that you would see it. I’m really glad that you responded to all of us in one spot.
Your responses always give me something to think about, and I greatly appreciate the way you framed all three. It’s quite lovely. I would say SE on full display all around. I would call it a masterclass in what SE looks like at its best.
The video recently released comparing the SE and the narcissist was especially illuminating. What is there is so densely packed…I don’t know how Mr. Tudor packs so much into 13.5 minutes. I’ve listened several times, and I know there’s more times to listen ahead. What’s said is just as interesting as what isn’t, and I hope that there will be many more videos soon about the different schools of empath. I wonder what that omission really means…what more Mr. Tudor can share and was the omission I noticed something left out on purpose. I’m looking forward to all upcoming videos about empaths.
I don’t know why….but number 3 from your response reminded me of: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/7a/ca/32/7aca324464e27d81555318fe0d1ba5e0.gif It’s how I am currently picturing a SE in the situation you described…
Hi Dani,
Yes I agree, there’s something behind the words of that video that I can’t put my finger on. You might well be correct in viewing it as an omission of sorts.
I forwarded the video to my empath friend. He wasn’t a fan of it, he saw it as “uncharacteristically unclear.” I know what he means, there is a lot in the video, a lot to unpack, particularly if you are less familiar with the various schools of empath. I didn’t see it as unclear, rather something I needed to turn around in my mind for a while.
I think it must be difficult to describe schools of empath. Human beings are predictable up to the point where they are unpredictable, that’s the nature of being emotionally driven. So it’s difficult to say, an SE will always do this, a Contagion will always do that, there are so many variables and environmental differences. This might be where my friend’s ‘unclear’ statement comes in. There isn’t a categorical fixed explanation applicable to all in every context. If that’s what is expected, I think there will always be a degree of frustration or confusion. The same likely goes for all schools and cadres. Empaths might not see all of their behaviours described. I think ‘most of the time’ is probably more realistic. I also think that’s a good thing, full predictability would make us far easier to target.
Your Gif made me laugh. Nailed it. Haha!
Xx
Hi TS,
When I first heard the video I was confused as well. I thought it would be a video about the differences between a super empath and a narcissist. As I said in another comment, I listened 4 times and then pulled up the transcript to read it. After the second time listening, this is what stood out to me and why I wanted to dig deeper:
“…a dangerous affinity, often trapping supermpaths in cycles they could otherwise shatter.”
If I had to take an educated guess, Mr. Tudor is trying to send us a message. I’ve been ruminating for days. I hate when that happens. So I’ve decided I’m just going to say it so I can finally stop ruminating. It may cause you to not interact with me again. Its a risk I’m willing to take though.
Have you considered that the message is for you?
It’s not a video directed at one particular person.
Hi Leigh,
I see that HG already answered your question about the video.
No, I didn’t consider that the video was a message to me. I think sometimes discussions taking place on the blog can prompt further ideas for videos. If memory serves, I think a blog commenter expressed difficulty in differentiating between SE’s and narcissists.
Thank you for your concern Leigh, I do appreciate it. All good here, no cycles in need of shattering to report! Unless it’s to do with chocolate addiction, mild though, very mild!!
Xx
Hi TS,
I did not see it as unclear either. I just noticed one idea in particular. This is a paraphrase…but the standard empath will fade under the weight of devaluation. The codependent takes a very long time to break, but they break, it’s sudden and debilitating (from my understanding). The super empath continues to shine, provides a challenge and returns poor behavior as fuel or cuts off fuel…one school is missing… Why?
And you’re right…there’s no a SE will always do x. I do think as percentage of SE goes up, so does the persistent fight back…but a super savior empath will be different from a super carrier. A magnet contagion will be different from a geyser contagion. Then there are traits, streaks, etc…
That’s where my thoughts are right now.
Hello Truthseeker and Happy Holidays! You know listening to HGs take on Super Empaths, I could not stop thinking about HGs with them. Remember Contagions aren’t his favorite. I felt like HG gave a personal glimpse in his world ( or a greater). They like confident charismatic women which could indicate attractive and successful too. Naturally these types stand their own, great warriors, good at drawing a line in the sand and if pushed will fight back with everything they have got then leave and might even seek revenge. He repeatedly used the term mirror. A parakeet likes its mirror. But he underlined the motives as different. What I don’t like is the ignited fury. Yelling, name calling etc… WHY? To me, you lose the fight by fighting this way. It’s taking the low road. My ex loved it on the very rare times maybe 3 in 12 years when I behaved like him. He hated my “ rose colored glasses” called me miss perfect or a Pollyanna.” And he had to fabricate a story about me as the bad guy as he had little to grasp as I treated him very well and respectfully even when I should have not and left. HG explains the motive is different. But for me and my values….whether the motive is good or bad to me ….two wrongs don’t make a right. HG is right. Supers need to go no contact. Do you want to be right or do you want the relationship? Better yet, do you want to be right despite the relationship? Maybe you just want to be right as it’s truth, justice…. But what’s the end result in this passionate battle of wills? Only the narc wins through the attention of this confident charismatic warrior until she or he leaves. No wonder greaters and the ultra prefer SE. Favor them as it’s a challenge but moreover to me it’s a tango of two beautiful dancers until the dance ends badly. Best to be a wall flower lol. It’s personal but I hate conflict and drama. Well, unless streaming a good series. One of the thing I love about my life is the peace joy and harmony of being narc free! Life itself is hard enough. Why add to it?
TS,
I should’ve been clearer in my comment. I apologize.
Yes, there were several bloggers who were wondering how to tell the difference between a super empath and a narcissist. Instead of giving us a video that tells us the difference, Mr. Tudor described what the entanglement would look like between a super empath and a narcissist. That’s why I thought he was sending a message about super empaths unknowingly becoming ensnared by a narcissist.
I’m just going to come out with what I was thinking because I need to move on from this. I don’t trust Jordy. I don’t know if she’s a narcissist or not but she’s been abusive to several bloggers. The way she spoke to AA & WN were abhorrent. She’s gone after me, AV, Dani, Contagious, WC & even LET. She still complains about LET and she’s not even here anymore.
I had three concerns came up. Before I say what they are though, I want to say I wish my super and savior would leave me alone right now. I really, really wish I could tell it to shut the eff up so that I can move from this. Anyway, my first concern was for you. Why can’t you see her abuse on the blog? My second concern was for the bloggers that were abused by Jordy. By supporting Jordy, are you sending mixed messages to the bloggers she has abused? Lastly, it was for you again. Is your savior redirecting her in order to stop her abuse? If so, how is that affecting you?
When I said I was willing to risk you not speaking with me again, it was because I thought my persistence on this matter, might now be crossing a boundary.
Hi Contagious,
I noticed what HG had said re contagions too. Though not a bad thing in terms of not being targeted by greaters tho, eh? I’m interested in the mirroring HG referenced in this video too. It’s something I have felt myself in certain relationships but hadn’t been able to articulate.
Hi Contagious,
I think I interpreted the video slightly differently to you.
“ the SE dims their empathy, unleashing subordinate narcissistic traits in a boom of manipulation, criticism, and fuel withdrawal.”
(Assume withdrawal of positive AND negative fuel.)
“Unlike a codependent’s collapse or standard empath’s gradual fade, this is a targeted strike, withholding fuel, mirroring tactics, and wounding the narcissist to breach their defences. (Think about how wounding is achieved.) This is a tidal wave of fuel reversal (potential positive and negative fuel is held back by the SE) where the SE’s pride and argumentativeness fuel a defensive offence, much like a narcissist’s heated ignited fury restores superiority.” (Both accessing narcissistic traits but for different objectives.)
To me, HG isn’t saying that the SE uses heated ignited fury like the narcissist. I think he’s saying that the pride and argumentativeness of the SE facilitates their ability to perform a targeted strike where they withhold fuel, mirror tactics and wound the narcissist in order to breach their defences. No need to jump up and down, shout or name call, just a stoic, calculated, sustained, defiant and to my mind, manipulative response to the devaluing manipulations of the narcissist.
“These traits are inherent rather than acquired, deployed benevolently to reclaim power yet indistinguishable in intensity from heated ignited fury.”
(It is the intensity that is indistinguishable.) To me, this means they can stand their ground and weather the storm of devaluation unleashed against them by using tactics which will damage the narcissist (wounding, fuel withdrawal, criticism, triangulation, silence etc.) They demonstrate matched ferocity, savvy weapon selection, use of similar tactics.
“Super empaths study the narcissist like a script, eliciting predictable responses to counter them.” (Again, no shouting or jumping up and down required, more of a quiet study and the selective pushing of buttons to cause damage.)
I don’t think the SE lowers herself to the narcissist Contagious. I think she just understands the concept of necessary action.
That was my take on it.
Merry Christmas to you too.
Hi Dani,
Nice catch! You’re right, Contagion is missing. This might be the omission I felt but didn’t fully spot. Maybe there is more still in the pipeline.
Yes, I think we’re at the same point with the schools and cadres. I also think that if we can learn to recognise when our various schools and cadres are in play, we can then identify why they are in play and that can be very enlightening. Do you find you have an awareness of that yet? (I mean the activation of your own schools and cadres.)
Contagious,
I really enjoyed reading your comment. It’s fascinating to me, that you didn’t get in the mud with him. You’re a lawyer, so I know you have and practice the skills to have an argument.
Do you feel the same way in a courtroom if another lawyer is getting up to certain linguistic tricks with a client? Do you avoid playing from the same rulebook when their client is in the hot seat?
Hello Contagious,
“They like confident charismatic women which could indicate attractive and successful too. Naturally these types stand their own, great warriors, good at drawing a line in the sand and if pushed will fight back with everything they have got then leave and might even seek revenge”
And I don’t feel like I’m a confident woman. I have a lot of self doubts. So to say SE are all confident are misleading, in my opinion. Charisma is not connected to SE, I believe. It’s more related to Magnet cadre. You are Contagion and you are very confident woman.
This video is very good, it did explain to me, what traits in narcissists draw me in and dynamic, why I tolerated the abuse for so long.
Plus after hearing it, it made me sad a bit, questioning if actually, non narcissist man can have what I’m looking for. The advice HG gave at the end was very good one.
Im pleased you found it helpful.
Thanks for that further breakdown re super empaths, TS. That’s very helpful. I guess it also comes down to the *intention* of why someone is displaying certain traits. Two actions can look the same on the surface but with completely different origins.
Yes, HG, the video is very good one and narrated not in your typical style. It’s complex. I had to listen a few times and pause. A carrot looks rather big. You moderated my comment. Got it.
Hi Truthseeker,
“Contagion is missing…Maybe there is more still in the pipeline.” — I hope more soon. I like learning about the empaths a lot.
“Do you find you have an awareness of that yet?”
I’m good at spotting the parts I knew would be there before I got my results back. I have improved at spotting one that I would say can and has recently caused me to be in uncomfortable places. Most times, I would call it good…and though the position was very uncomfortable, I still ultimately view it as being the most appropriate solution.
Regarding my surprise results…and I think many people had at least one surprise. Maybe I don’t like those parts so I try to avoid looking at or for them. Maybe they’re less prominent…I don’t know. I think I get some of my results better…but I don’t know so I wait for more information about those aspects and register to the full length videos already available. I think I probably listen more to the ones describing what I like than dislike.
Overall, my awareness of self I think remains somewhat limited but perhaps in expected ways based on my results.
Your question got me thinking about spotting these traits in those around us, too. Is spotting the traits in myself the first part or sporting them in others easier because there’s less baggage with strangers?
What I realized recently that came at a cost is that I’m not alone in this difficult place of trying to figure people out. Jade and Contagious both were leaning toward empath for Tom Hardy. I was leaning narcissistic. He’s a normal. I thought it was interesting the focus they had on the positive traits (which are quite visible) whereas I saw and weighted the drug use, seeming sexual fluidity, and snarky interviews as pushing him into a different classification. All three of us were mistaken, and that’s okay. I was surprised in a way that I think was very beneficial for me. The concise final part by Mr. Tudor made it all clear. And I have tried to apply specifically what I learned in that conclusion to my thoughts about upcoming results.
Rowling, Gervais, Parton, and Bale…I recognized they weren’t narcissists very quickly. I guessed Rowling correctly as a SE. Gervais was more of a mystery. I think I was leaning mostly 50/50 standard/super…but I don’t completely remember. I thought Bale was a contagion with strong super. Parton, I had her correctly as a contagion. I was right in thinking that Greta was an attention loving autistic normal. Though, I remembered Mr.Tudor saying something like that at some point on the Ultra channel…so I think that was memory and following clues as much as deduction in her case. O’Connor was a mystery. Depp, I couldn’t see him as an empath. And I was very intrigued by the first narcissistic full analysis.
I’ve made plenty of mistakes in evaluating people, and I have seen others make mistakes too. I want to get better…and I want to be accurate more quickly. I don’t want to use the skill to misclassify. I want to use it to help myself avoid the misclassifications. I think the way we do that is by having discussions about what we’re learning from empath videos and articles and Tudor Scopes. I think in order to learn and think we must risk being offensive to some people, though offense was not our intent in most cases. Sometimes it is the intent. Anyone can be offensive when they are offended (emotional empathy reduction). Some empaths, some normals, some narcissistic, and some narcissists are more provocative than the majority of their group.
I guess my long point is quite similar to what you eloquently articulated earlier. But for me I would add…I want to be more aware of where my biases come from as I learn this classification skill. I think that will make me better at it overall. (I probably incorporated a lot of thoughts from reading many comments to answer a fairly simple question.
That’s where I am right now anyway with everything. I hope everyone who is celebrating a holiday right now enjoys it. And I would love to see a picture of a Christmas Tree decorated by the Ultra.
Hi Dani,
I might jump around a bit here, I have read your comment, but scrolling back to the reply box is proving quite time intensive!
“Your question got me thinking about spotting these traits in those around us, too. Is spotting the traits in myself the first part or sporting them in others easier because there’s less baggage with strangers?”
I think I found it easier to first recognise traits lighting up in myself, mainly because I have more examples to refer to and as I identified more narcissists in my life I had explanations for why I responded in a particular way or felt they way I felt. I could review and see the traits in play.
My general view is that I am what I am. I agree, any trait can be used in a positive or negative way, being aware of the traits lighting up is often more important than anything else. That can be quite revealing in terms of how we really feel about a situation as opposed to how we consciously think we ought to feel about it.
I think your point about how to recognise and moderate our own biases is an important one. Every human experiences bias of some form or another. I think for us it’s based more on life experience and preferences. For narcissists and likely to a lesser degree psychopaths I think bias is linked to the question of control.
Bias can vastly influence our assessment capabilities, as can investment. You mentioned the Tudorscopes, I think we see bias very clearly in the YouTube comment sections. If a person is aligned with the candidate being examined they will often search for evidence to support the emotional investment. If they are not aligned, or don’t like the individual they will tend to pick out the evidence that supports the negative pre existing view. For me, the best Tudorscopes often focus on a character I know less about. I wouldn’t know Tom Hardy if I tripped over him so there I had a neutral starting point. I was invested in the outcome for Ricky Gervais, so I was definitely predisposed to viewing him more positively.
That said, if I’m not at all invested sometimes I don’t concentrate as much! I am more likely to let the information wash over me without really thinking what each observation indicates. I think I still learn from all the Tudorscopes but sometimes it’s more retrospective, after the conclusion rather than me necessarily keeping track of those I got right or wrong.
I do find it kind of ironic that the psychopath in our group is for the most part the least biased. No emotional investment, no ‘ like’ or ‘dislike’ in terms of Tudorscope candidates. No bias because the individuals have no impact on the Prime Aims or Necessary Triad. The distinction is quite interesting to think about. Hugely biased black and white thinking in his personal dealings and professional life, limited bias outside of that. At least, that’s my understanding.
Lastly, in terms of traits, something dawned on me quite recently. Our strongest traits are important because those are the traits the narcissist will recognise and corrupt. However, take notice of any traits that are particularly weak. For me, that’s anger, it sticks out like a sore thumb. Vastly lower than the others. I feel it, but I don’t show it, so I might not explode too often, but I’m talented at ‘the long game’ haha! Sometimes the absence of something can be equally as important when determining behaviour, past, present or current.
Hi Truthseeker!
“I think I found it easier to first recognise traits lighting up in myself, mainly because I have more examples to refer to and as I identified more narcissists in my life I had explanations for why I responded in a particular way or felt they way I felt.” — That makes sense. I think I’m the opposite. I have an easier time with seeing empathic traits in others.
“That can be quite revealing in terms of how we really feel about a situation as opposed to how we consciously think we ought to feel about it.” — Do yoou think for those with minority/insignificant aspects…recognizing that they are suddenly in geyser or savior mode can help them escape it? Realizing that savior mode metaphorically got them sent to the headmaster’s/principal’s office. Realizing their geyser is fueling a narcissist.
“Bias can vastly influence our assessment capabilities, as can investment. You mentioned the Tudorscopes, I think we see bias very clearly in the YouTube comment sections.” — Agreed.
“That said, if I’m not at all invested sometimes I don’t concentrate as much!” — That makes sense. For me…it’s the extreme behavior of some, like the prison warden lady and the police officer rapist where I get to the point of being unable to listen. I’m glad those videos are there. I know that type of content is very popular, and I am sure it can rinrg people in…but the interviews with Michelle. Please, please more of that. I prefer learning about Mr. Tudor to any other narcissist.
Regarding anger…are you more cold anger or hot anger? I know it’s weak…but is it not shown because it is not felt or is it felt and repressed? What’s the difference? How does an empath with cold anger differbin their impact on the narcissist? (Mr. Tudor told me that cold anger is rarer than hot anger in empaths.) If an empath’s anger results in a silent treatment, that would be massive wounding if the narcissist is seeking attention. If the narcissist is also giving a silent treatment…I guess there will be less fuel received and fewer threats to control…if the empath opts for something more like an absent silent treatment… Going for a long walk alone or going to get coffee with a friend…
“Sometimes the absence of something can be equally as important when determining behaviour, past, present or current.” — Fascinating. I had not thought of that. It makes sense.
Dear TS,
” To me, HG isn’t saying that the SE uses heated ignited fury like the narcissist. I think he’s saying that the pride and argumentativeness of the SE facilitates their ability to perform a targeted strike where they withhold fuel, mirror tactics and wound the narcissist in order to breach their defences. No need to jump up and down, shout or name call, just a stoic, calculated, sustained, defiant and to my mind, manipulative response to the devaluing manipulations of the narcissist.”
I don’t know about you, but me 100% did behave like a narcissist in an ignited fury mode. It’s very rare where I can completely lost the plot, but it did happen with me. I jumped, I did name calling, I threw things (not heavy, didn’t want to kill, but a cup for example, though my exes managed to evade it and it would smash at the wall), I screamed, I shouted. I would say things which I know would hurt them, doesn’t matter true or not. I would talk over them. I could crash/throw some things. As I said, it has happened very rarely, but it did nonetheless. Normally, I would just withdraw, not talking to him (them).
When I was packing boxes in January this year, leaving him, he would just talk and talk and talk, blaming me for everything, a lot of pity plays, how am I so cruel and doing this to him etc etc. At some point I couldn’t take it anymore. I came to him, and I had thrown words tirade at him. I was unstoppable, I didn’t jump though or scream or smash anything, but I was cruel. I hated him. I stopped when he suddenly started to cry. It was 2nd time over our 10 years, I saw him crying. I felt a sharp stab of guilt and I immediately calmed down. I said sorry, but I knew my decision to leave was final. Nothing he could do or say would stop me from leaving him.
I understand why it’s called ignited fury. You feel like you are on fire, and it’s really difficult to control. It has to find some outlet, some action, a physical one, otherwise, it feels like you collapse. Maybe a narcissist experience it differently to how I described it, and for me it’s just anger, not fury. Hard to say. But when I read how HG or any narcissist felt during ignited fury in his books, I totally get it. And btw, in my case,, it is also triggered by something. Not due to accumulation of an abuse. The anger spikes, rather than slowly rising. You literally explode.
Just my two cents.
Hi Dani 🙂
“— Do you think for those with minority/insignificant aspects…recognizing that they are suddenly in geyser or savior mode can help them escape it? Realizing that savior mode metaphorically got them sent to the headmaster’s/principal’s office. Realizing their geyser is fueling a narcissist.”
I can only speak for myself here. Recognising cadres, schools or traits lighting up sometimes buys me extra time. I feel the activation and then I can consider the reason for it. It’s an extra step that wasn’t there previously. Using Saviour as an example. Years ago Saviour would activate and I would fly into the fray. It was a reactive response, just something I did. Now I feel the Saviour element light up, but before I fly in I have time to consider. For example, does this person need my protection? Does this person deserve my protection? Would it be better to allow them to stand up for themselves without my interference? Would the person stand up or protect me if the roles were reversed? If I decide to fly in then, it isn’t reactive, it’s responsive. I suppose, the whole situation feels more controlled, slower if you like. I don’t see any school, cadre or trait as a particular weakness in and of itself. I just think having an awareness of the trait in play means that it might perhaps be used in a more considered way.
I’m afraid I run cold. Likely because Geyser is absent in me plus my formative years reinforced cold anger and dismissal as fall back positions that were safer and more productive. I think I can only recall one, possibly two instances where I exploded with hot anger in adulthood. I’ve had little flashes of hot anger but they are just flashes. If I am fully angry, I turn cold, calm and fully focussed. I can say nothing or very little, but what I do say is targeted and it’s delivered calmly.
I don’t sulk, can’t be bothered with that malarkey, so I’m not really one for ‘present silent treatments’. I have been known to do the occasional ‘absent silent treatment’. I’m not sure those count though, they are more of a “screw you, I’m taking myself off somewhere nice” mindset, rather than, “ I shall now execute the absent silent treatment to cause undue worry and distress!” My cold anger subsides relatively quickly, but not as fast as I have seen hot anger subside in others.
In terms of how effective it is, I don’t know really. It’s very effective with my mum even now. I think in terms of narcissists in general, how effective my cold anger is would depend on my position in the fuel matrix, length of exposure, number of occurrences, plus duration of time spent with that particular narcissist. I also think school and to a lesser extent cadre of narcissist would have a lot of bearing on how ‘effective’ I am in that situation. Cold anger is still challenge fuel, to dismiss is more effective but less satisfying. If the person is definitely a narcissist, as we know, nothing beats No Contact.
Do you think the traits that you find more difficult to spot in yourself are traits that you feel were most responsible for your past ensnarements? Are they perhaps traits that led to behaviours you feel embarrassed by or that you perceive as weaknesses maybe?
Xx
Your descriptions about how you process anger was really useful TS. Pretty much the same as me.
Hi Arya,
Thank you for sharing your experience with ignited fury, or anger, whichever is more appropriate! It’s very different to the way I react. Maybe, I just was lucky enough not to find a narc who worked out which buttons to push, or maybe I bolted before my empathy fully eroded. I don’t seem to experience eroded empathy, or maybe I do but don’t recognise it. That differing strength in that one anger trait might explain the difference all on its own.
I must say your description made me laugh, imagining you in full rage mode! It’s definitely cooler than the ‘cold anger’ approach. The similarity though is that it’s targeted. Both know the buttons to push, so both have assessed ‘the enemy’ in advance. I wonder if different narcissists bring out different traits also. I’ve only had exposure to Mid Rangers.
I picked up your comment too where we were discussing ET, can’t find it again now, but I’m glad it resonated with you. I’m also glad you found the blog and decided to stick around, at least for now.
Happy holidays to you too Arya 🙂
Hello TS
Happy New Year!
“I wonder if different narcissists bring out different traits also. I’ve only had exposure to Mid Rangers.”
I don’t think so. My 2nd husband, the one who would drive me to such state MMR type A Elite. Online narc was Low mid range Elite.
Others, I didn’t do the ND, but I suspect also were mid rangers. They were all able to bring me to such state. Though with my 1st abuser, at some point, I was so scared of him, that I stopped fighting. I only wanted to escape him. Kept trying.
If you remember a DC episode Petulance- that is me. I had a lot of makeup sex in my life for sure.
I saw somewhere, that you said you have anger trait at 0%. Mine is way way higher than that. So it’s no wonder for me that when you face upsetting situation or someone tries to get under your skin, you probably withdraw and don’t fight. You probably don’t see the point in doing that.
Hi TS
Thankyou for clarifying your position on blog disputes and who they might involve. I don’t mind if you refrain from commenting on Jordy.
“Empaths can agree to disagree or even agree not to interact further. If both are empaths boundaries will be respected. If there is one narcissist in the mix, then the dance will more often continue indefinitely.”
If I go by this theory, if Jordyguin is an empath, I cannot be. Nor can WhoCares. If an empath wouldn’t cross boundaries with another empath then a few of us might need to hand in our empath badges.
However, I don’t agree that two empaths cannot cross each others’ boundaries. One of the reasons I can still see Jordy as an empath is because I think empaths could and would transgress boundaries with other empaths.
I could of course be wrong but for now that’s my position.
While I’m responding, I’d like to also comment on the point you made to NA.
“I think it’s worth highlighting too that there can be trait differences between SE’s. SE’s are rarely of just the SE school. They are more often a mix of schools but with SE as majority, as such they will not behave identically. There will however be strong similarities. We end up in majority schools because we share the characteristics of that school.”
I agree and I think there will be similarities as well as differences between majority supers. You and I have recognised in the past that we have quite similar schools and cadres, but we likely have differing empathic and narcissistic traits and to different degrees and this would help explain why we approach some situations in different ways.
Hi Annaamel,
I think it depends on what your opinion is of a boundary. To me, disagreeing, disagreeing strongly, disagreeing assertively or even disagreeing aggressively is not disrespecting a boundary. So in your own example, you, Who Cares and Jordy can all be empaths, who disagree, assertively!
A boundary to me is openly stated. So if an empath in debate says, “Ok, I’m not prepared to discuss this further.” Or, “ It’s clear we will continue to clash, I prefer not to interact further.” This is a clear boundary. If the other commenter continues to pursue after this clear boundary statement is made, then to me (and this is just my opinion) there is no ambiguity, no excuse, it’s a boundary transgression.
If we differ in approach, it’s possibly to do with a difference in views as to what constitutes a boundary. I understand that we as empaths often estimate and automatically respect the boundaries of others. On occasion, we can also push or test the boundaries of others.
In a blog environment, where commenters don’t know each other too well, are arriving at different times, can’t see body language, facial expressions and so on, to me it’s better to make a clear boundary statement. In my view a receiving empath will respect a boundary if it’s stated clearly and without passive aggression. They might get caught in the heat of the moment, but they won’t repetitively pursue.
Happy holidays Truthseeker and Dani: Truthseeker your post was interesting. I can tell you this: when someone serial kills I think psychopath never narcissist. Both have no empathy, both can kill, but to me it’s an obsession, a collection, a God like quality. I guessed Letby wrong but so did Pat Brown, FBI profiler. With Tom Hardy his ability to get inside and know another’s skin even if a character seemed contagion to me. But I am a huge fan, biased. I get empaths right. But I have this inherent make up to see the good people so a charitable narc will throw me. I have got better in life with HGs work. Easy signs are someone who can’t take blame. Even with my exes I can see my own faults. The second is they rarely allow you to disagree. Not their music or sport favorites….but co-morbidities are tricky. Nick Reiner anyone? I see him as ASPD with substance abuse disorder.
“But I have this inherent make up to see the good people so a charitable narc will throw me”.
☝️
Me too Contagious! I watched a video analysis of amber heard last night, it was even after the full examination by HG and the terrible acting and facade but that time thought she sounded believable ! 🤦♀️Scary .. a sob story can pull at my heartstrings. But looking at evidence over time definitely helps, thanks HG. 🙏
AV, Leigh, Annaamel, I don’t know whether you’ve come across WC’s comment where she asked HG how he would respond to narcissists on the blog, whether with short or long replies, etc. (The answer was: short.) I want to give you further assurance that, according to that logic, namely that narcissists receive only short replies, I am a narcissist. In my three years on the blog, I have received replies consisting of “yes,” “no,” “correct,” or “thank you,” and two or three sentences at most.
Please consider ending this discussion, count me as a narcissist, and go no contact with me already. If you continue to discuss me, you provoke a response from me. Reading all of your comments today made me literally throw up. Any continued response from me to your provocations would not be a nice one. You do not need it.
Thank you for your consideration in applying HG’s advice in relation to narcissists, or more generally to people you consider toxic, etc. It would be better, for the benefit of the blog environment, to end our virtual entanglement once and for all.
Hello everyone! I think sometimes our discussions give rise to HG to write an article about it. It’s not personal. I have had discussions with HG then seen an article about it. For me, it makes me grateful. HG has limited time and his videos or articles elaborate on it. Then I discover many had the same question or concern;) Funny enough those two times are my favorites about contagions or empaths. I was thrilled!
Hello Love, I do not for one minute think you are a narcissist! First of all, look at the input and time you put on this blog with insightful educated opinions. You are often brilliant. Second, over the years WE have disagreed and you have provided constructive criticism which I am open to accepting. I always want the best outcome even if that means not me;) You have a good heart and good intentions. BUT and I say this with deep respect, so does AV, Annameel and Leigh. They are also dedicated bloggers with great insight, smart as he’ll and beautiful hearts. Somewhere along the line an empaths feelings got hurt, …. but we are better than that, we can rise above, raise our swords and it starts with 1. A little act of kindness. They a like…. 2. One kind word… try a complement 3. one apology… ok that will most likely not happen but why not? 4. , one mention of solidarity and support. All here are empaths. This doesn’t mean we are perfect. But it does mean we have the inner strength to make a better day, a new day. A new dawn! So I challenge you Jordy and everyone else to try. Try to make this blog one of unity if not for you, for any newcomer who might run… let’s make HG ‘a numbers rise by creating a blog of safety and respect for each other? We can agree to disagree. It’s magnificent! It’s how we learn. I thought Tom Hardy was an empath. Others did not. So what? Will it effect my income? My bills? My children? My life? No!!! How silly. And of course, you can ignore me, I am just a little voice on your shoulder. Take or leave it. I am not important just hopeful ! I authentically and from the bottom of my heart wish each of you the best! Xxx Could 2026 be a new dawn? Hatchets buried? Handshakes made? I think more will participate here if we do. And that’s a great thing for a blog!!!!! Happy holidays bloggers!
One last thing… my mother used to say… smile, fake it until you make it. I challenge everyone to put one kind word even if it’s meant sarcastically to each other. I think it could be an ice breaker and fun maybe funny! Anyway… here’s to HOPE! We need empaths more than ever today! Unity and community is needed! It starts with each one of us. Not easy. I wanted to punch this women today in line at petco who was loudly nonstop saying she would return her crickets as the line was so long and she was fed up. She would not shut up. So I gave her my spot, went to the back and got an employee to help her. She was very nice then and grateful. Problem solved and I didn’t need to hear her miserable voice anymore. What animal wats crickets? Hmmmm
One last thing I promise. At one point People shared their ET results and I wrote them all down! And no narcs! Empaths!
By “short”, do we actually know if HG meant length of reply – or duration of time interacted with?
Your story about the crickets made me chuckle Contagious! She must have been annoying if you wanted to punch her but well done on sorting the situation.
WhoCares, and what about questions then? Do you know what other people receive, whether they are newcomers or long-term readers, to their questions 70-90% of the time? Answers. Do you know what I receive? Silence. That is how narcissists are to be treated, and this is what you are being shown a demonstration of.
Again, these two individuals, with six to seven years’ duration on the blog and extensive experience with narcissists in their families, told me three years ago that I am a narcissist and still do, strangely switching between suddenly normal or narcissistic. They are not actually providing evidence or analysis beyond saying they have observed me over a sustained period of time and that they have a “spidey sense.” That’s okay. It’s quite an investment to actually pull the comments together, so they are forgiven.
But pull all the evidence together: the two (back then with LET, three) professional readers, the support they receive from other readers in their statements, the short engagement or silence, and you have your confirmation. And then again, why are they not going no contact? Why are they preaching to newcomers what is best done, but do not do it themselves with the alleged blog-narc? And why is no one telling them, helping them in this regard? Why not tell them, “If you believe this to be a blog-narc, why keep engaging?”
Instead, they ask me why I am engaging with them. They want explanations and apologies as a form of proof. It’s odd beyond words.
It’s easier to accept the narcissist label than to explain anything to these two, now three, musketeers.
They want explanations for why I comment, for instance my comment to Beth in response to her request to HG, “eradicate your self-will and surrender,” to which I answered, “surrender your arse and learn to read the articles.” They then pop up and provoke, “Ho-ho-ho, show your true colours,” and “Yeah, show your true colours, attack me so that all the people can see.”
Guess what? They receive a demonstration of exactly what they asked for: the alleged “true colours” (“you’re vomit / I view you with contempt”) and also an explanation of why the eradication of self-will is such a devastating concept to accept. They, of course, focus on whining again and “Why are you mean/ engaging?” But who engaged first? Who asked for “true colours”? Who received what they asked for? And who is still not satisfied, and will only be satisfied when they receive a written, on-paper result: narcissist, etc.?
Even by my wrapped narc-logic, this is fucked up.
“At one point people shared their ET results.”
No, Contagious. I never shared any results. I bought the ED but never sent it in. The ED took on a different meaning once people who had received confirmation that they were empaths began calling me a narcissist. Sending in my ED to prove anything, either to myself or to them, lost all appeal after that.
Contagious, if this were a game, you’d be the mediator with bonus points🌟 For you, love.
“1. A little act of kindness…2. One kind word…try a complement”
AV, Leigh, Annaamel, you’re hot!
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9smTUEFT1-0
“3. one apology… ok that will most likely not happen but why not?”
I retract that statement and offer a polite apology in its place. I apologise and promise to behave… temporarily.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/i566FmdwbfA
“4. , one mention of solidarity and support.”
We’re on the same side. I checked the map. Same side, same chaos.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/FOuiW0LBYuQ
Jordy,
I have never thought of you being a narcissist. 💕
Jordyguin you are triangulating people again. Why are you asking other bloggers to give you information about HG? Are they his keepers? If so then this blog has a hierarchy that no one else consented to. I don’t think if there’s a hierarchy that any super empath would want to remain given how sensitive to manipulation and defiant they are. So, I question whether there even are any super empaths on this blog. And why would another blogger even ask him how he would respond to a narcissist if not to just stir shit up making anyone that gets a brief response feel gaslit into being called a narcissist. That’s toxic. Only a codependent would defend a toxic hierarchy like that without it bothering their conscience that they benefit and elevate in status and proximity at the humiliation and expense of others. But I guess that’s what goes on here.
Aww, thank you, Arya💕(even if you would, I’m used to it by now, no problem. I think people would place me in the category of an unaware Lesser or Mid-Range. Some have opted for “normal” or “narcissistic,” but I see that as unlikely, because what would a normal or narcissistic get out of being here? They have better things to do, being more focused on themselves. So yes, let’s go with unaware Lesser or Mid-Range. Let’s go with the category empaths can’t stand the most. Middle-Mid-Range A, or Lower Lesser, or Lower Mid-Range? Somatic, not cerebral. What comes out of my mouth or my typing doesn’t make sense, so let’s go with Somatic. Yeppi! GUYS!!!! I have my classification! We don’t need to argue anymore!)
Jordy 🤗
“Do you know what other people receive, whether they are newcomers or long-term readers, to their questions 70-90% of the time? Answers. Do you know what I receive? Silence”
Tbh, being here on the blog for about a year, I don’t recall any instances when you posed a question to HG. Maybe what you have described (ignored by him), happened before me or I missed it.
Secondly, he ignores many questions. My observation, he tends to avoid questions related to politics, immigration, race, religion, etc usually the ones Bubbles asks him. He prefers to reply to the ones related to narcissism/narcissists, Him, his personal preferences/interests, his work/videos/books, his experiences with his victims. Jade always receives answers from him, because it’s about narcissism. What type of questions you asked HG that he didn’t respond to you?
And hey, btw, remember “absolute truth with HG” ? He has ignored everyone!!! All questions there remained unanswered. He tricked us. I knew it was a trap. So we are all in the same boat.
P..S. I agreed with your comment to Beth. “Surrender your arse” 🤣🤣 what she wrote was really scary.
Jordy 🤗
“Do you know what other people receive, whether they are newcomers or long-term readers, to their questions 70-90% of the time? Answers. Do you know what I receive? Silence”
Tbh, being here on the blog for about a year, I don’t recall any instances when you posed a question to HG. Maybe what you have described (ignored by him), happened before me or I missed it.
Secondly, he ignores many questions. My observation, he tends to avoid questions related to politics, immigration, race, religion, etc usually the ones Bubbles asks him. He prefers/tends to reply to the ones related to narcissism/narcissists, Him, his personal preferences/interests, his work/videos/books, his experiences with his victims. Jade always receives answers from him, because it’s about narcissism. What type of questions you asked HG that he didn’t respond to you?
And hey, btw, remember “absolute truth with HG” ? He has ignored everyone!!! All questions there remained unanswered. He tricked us. I knew it was a trap. So we are all in the same boat.
P..S. I agreed with your comment to Beth. “Surrender your arse” 🤣🤣 what she wrote was really scary.
“WhoCares, and what about questions then…”
Jordyguin,
I cannot speak for others.
But I can clarify my intentions – my comment preceding this one was meant to draw attention to the fact it is easy to misread HG’s responses, or read into them.
After you referenced my past inquiry and HG’s comment, “short” – I wanted to revisit both my question and HG’s answer – but I couldn’t locate the comment. I gave some (unsuccessful) time to it, and then ran out of time.
I was simply double-checking how HG’s response should be understood. You would well know, having spent some time on the private KHG forum, how important it is to compose one’s questions with care and how to carefully interpret the responses given.
Hi Jordy,
I’m sorry to hear that you have been called a narcissist here on the blog. I haven’t been on this blog for very long, and I only pop in now and then, so I don’t really know what’s going on.
From your previous posts, though, I can see that you seem to have a good grasp of narcissism and that you are quite level-headed. I think you are too coherent, and you spend too much time talking about narcissism in a fairly objective way, to be a narcissist. The only narcissist around here who has the capacity to do that is HG.
As for you disagreeing with some other people here, and them disagreeing with you, I think that’s a good thing. What a bland world we would live in if we all got along.
Also, I don’t think the way HG answers you says anything about you at all. He is probably busy anyway and keeps his answers rather short with everyone.
Such a shame that you bought the empath detector but never sent it in. The questions are rather interesting. I don’t think you owe anyone an explanation as to whether you have emotional empathy or not, or how much. I also don’t really think it matters that much what anyone is in general. If you are a narcissist, you are fucked anyway, because you will never understand what you are. You won’t care, though, because you are too busy pursuing your fuel, constantly, relentlessly, and stupidly.
Anyway, considering that you are reflective and articulate, plus everything else I said above, I really don’t think you are a narcissist. You might very well be a super empath with a lot of pride and defiance who won’t do the test just because, to show them that you don’t need to show anyone anything at all. I’m proud and defiant myself. Sometimes I won’t do things just because. Because fuck you. I’m not a super empath, though. Standard.
Also, this is just my two cents. Being an empath, a person with a lot of emotional empathy, doesn’t make you a goodie or better than anyone else. I also don’t think it’s a badge of honour; most often, it will cause problems if it is unregulated. I think there seems to be a romanticised idea about being an empath. I’m not saying this to you specifically, by the way; I’m just sharing in general. I, for one, have been in narcissistic dynamics my entire life. As an adult, I had to learn the concept of boundaries, which was very hard and took a lot of time.
All in all, I think having a lot of emotional empathy is a double-edged sword, as it can be both a strength and a challenge. I don’t like it, but I also don’t dislike it. It is what it is. I’m also pretty detached and emotionally contained, and I dislike most people, or better I find most of them boring, yet I am an empath. It just goes to show that there are a lot of different empaths, and a lot of different humans in general.
Hi Jordy,
Just thinking about your observation re having your questions answered on the blog. It might also be to do with question length and how much explanation is required to answer it. I’ve noticed shorter less expansive questions tend to get answered sooner. There is likely more than one reason why some questions don’t get answered or receive shorter responses, one reason could simply be moderating time.
Truthseeker! Excellent points about Super Empaths! I think your analysis is better than mine:)
Hi Dani: I hurt myself when I do not act with integrity. My ex narc provoked me a few times. I got muddy but very few. It’s not about him, it’s how I feel when I don’t behave well. I never regret an act of kindness. I will regret an act of anger. Now in the courtroom… my ex described me ( my mentor and love of my life and long term friend who is very rich, a national award winning trial lawyer who i left as he didnt want chikdren) posted this on my LinkedIn about me: “No fear, an excellent lawyer, smart as hell, goal oriented, and does it all with a smile on her face- legit.” This meant more than the rest of my supporters as he is my mentor. Above the rest. My hero. I am told I am tough. I come off as tough, or strong or confident BUT I am always civil and polite and smile. My way pisses other lawyers off at times as I don’t get rattled. Judges love decorum. So thats good for me. I will very politely, very nicely and very calmly and succinctly tell opposite attorneys “ No.” I. E. No, I will not recommend an expensive mediation for this case as my client deserves to be paid $xyz. It Looks like you and me will be spending a lot of time together at trial ( smile).” That’s my style. My job requires writing motions and presenting evidence in their best interests. Sometimes this presents itself harsh and it can be. Conversion is theft. Asking for punitive damages requires showing another is malicious. The law is about resolving disputes not nurturing children in preschool. I owe it my clients and I am devoted to them. I care. I really really care. I do. I do my very best and my integrity is my billing. I am at a good price. I have had people in court and out of court verbally attack or physically threaten me. A good response of mine is “ keep going and you will make me a very rich woman as I will take every dime of equity in your home.” ( smile) … and I don’t really say things I don’t mean. Truth. ( big smile) lol Feel free to steal. You would be amazed how quickly a physical threat dissolves when they think about paying for it !
Hi Arya: you seem confident to me! Truth is no one knows what another person is going through or how they feel. Another reason to be kind … Truthseeker got SE better than me. I defer to her take over mine! Annameel is right too. Percentages and other traits matter.
Merry Christmas!
Like HG too, Contagious, the thought of one week in your job sounds like it would kill me! 😅 Then again, I guess a lot of people wouldn’t like my job (counselling people with mental health issues). But I love your work stories.. you sound like you kick ass with a smile on your face! 🥷
Hi Contagious
“ I think your analysis is better than mine.”
I think the analysis is likely no better or worse. It’s an interpretation of the video through our respective lenses, lenses influenced by our various traits, schools and cadres. That’s one of the reasons I enjoy the blog, differing interpretations of the same material, differing perspectives and experiences, all valid.
Oh one more thing. Most of the female attorneys I meet are like Nancy Grace. They are highly intelligent, but very aggressive. Never smile. Judges are very similar. Not all. I am just me. I have a different style. I feel I can do my job effectively but I strive for integrity and humanity. I often get along well with opposing counsel. I believe this helps foster resolution and most cases settle. 95%? Some people especially in divorce court, I would be a goat herder before family lawyer, think the nasty aggressive expensive lawyer is what they need. NOPE. First why pay for a sledgehammer when you are putting a tack in the wall. You are being suckered. Second, judges demand civility. Third, resolution is 95% and you will do best fostering a civil relationship with an opponent…. If possible. 95% of cases settle.
Sorry one more thing Dani:
When I saw when the Contagion meets the Darkness… I leapt out of my chair. I had a case years ago with the Mexican mob ( one of them) in a civil bid rigging action in public works and the FBI had raided the defendants offices and made arrests. Their attorney in this case was also a big time wealthy criminal defense lawyer. He was Armenian, gorgeous, chiseled, tailored designer suits and as cold as the Arctic. I felt his unyielding cold. I spent days with him in depositions. And I was always polite, smiled, said hello. And he stared at me. Stared. I could read his mind. Who is this little mouse and why does she not fear me the panther? I was curious of him and he was curious of me. He would walk behind me during depositions. Lean in close. He also was tampering with my witnesses, calling them up at their unknown vacation hotels and threatening them. I reported him to the judge. The judge sided with me. He was sanctioned. He whispered to me “ you should not have done that.” Well…. We settled. During our time together, I would leave the deposition and want a shower. He made me feel violated. I may have not shown it to him but he got to me… in a weird way…. I was fascinated to a degree and also repulsed. He was darkness without any end. He was such a weird creature with his flat monotone voice, his piercing gaze, his perfectionism and a really good lawyer. He even looked perfect too but not real like a bot to me. The day after the case settled, I woke up to get my children breakfast and there were Modelo Bear cans in my kitchen and cigarette buts. The back door was open and had been locked. A dead rat was left on the doorstep to my patio. This is a prime example of how sometimes being civil and polite and nice will anger certain opposing counsel…. I shared this story before but I am tying it in. I hope I never see that attorney ever again. Ever.
Contagious, you amaze me. I wouldn’t handle that well, the beef cans, the cigarettes… The lawyer who sounds like a psychopath… None of it.
Contagious, do you remember what you felt the first time you encountered Mr. Tudor’s work? Or what you felt the first time you realized you [had] had his full attention, when he answered a question on the blog or in a live. I really hope there will be some more lives this year…but imagine HG Trivia Bingo…we answer questions about Mr. Tudor…like he’s not fond of apples. He has four Christmas trees, he prefers magnet supers, he has dressed up as Darth Vader, favorite Depends Mode song…etc. Maybe other things like “who is a famous go-to empath example he brings up when talking about tow’s lack of genuine charitable spirit?” And “How did Mr. Tudor punish his shop teacher?” Or “who was the writer who introduced him to ToW?”
“I agree. An SE with a strong Truthseeker trait might well remain engaged beyond the point where other empaths feel comfortable. I have witnessed this several times on the blog.”
You are wrong, I’m SE with strong TS trait. I don’t do things you have described. I can withdraw from stupid arguments very easily. And in general, withdrawal is my common response. I just don’t give a fuck. I totally don’t agree with your statement, even if HG pops up saying, “well stated” or smth of that nature.
Someone’s feeling sensitive.
Yes))) I was after a corporate party. A bit not sober. Sorry, TS. I should have phrased my point in a different way.
Happy holidays HG:
This Nick Reiner case is really triggering me. First, my step son was a drug addict namely meth, coke and heroin but you name it. My ex was diagnosed ASPD after a 2 year custody evaluation where I got 80% custody but turn back time…. This kid was about 13 when I married my ex. His mother was a raging drunk. His father neglectful ASPD and then there was me who hired a therapist to try to help the troubled 13 year old young man and I wanted to put him in a private school as I thought the fact he was abusing drugs and selling them at school ( he got busted for that) and who was violent to his younger sister…. ( My ex would just tell her to toughen up and fight back. ) It upset me so much that it was me who hired a therapist to talk to my ex with the goal to get him to save his son. The therapist told my ASPD ex that his son would end up dead or in jail. He didn’t care “ too expensive” to pay for therapy he said to me…. yet my ex bought a second rolls Royce in cash while we lived in a 10000 square foot home in Newport Coast with neighbors like Kobe Bryant, David Nelson and the singer frontman from train. It was our conflict until the FBI called me in about him and I filed for divorce. Back to the stepson… at 15 he blew up a neighbors Mercedes and went to Juvie for arson. He spent from 18 to 35 in and out of rehab homes and jail. About 8 years ago my daughter asked me if I would watch her half brothers dog Ozzie, as he would be released from jail for a probation violation, a couple weeks, and I said yes. Her half brother my stepson was homeless when releasedand using. I took Ozzie in but my step son showed up at my house and followed Ozzie one day. Tweaking and listening to loud music on his headphones. I said Ozzie can stay but you can’t. He ended up smashing a police car window shield that night after I told him to leave he went back in jail. His girlfriend who is now a man picked Ozzie up and I learned later. Her and my stepson put him down as he got sick and they could not afford the vet bill. It sickens me. Guess what he got clean!!! At 39! And he is making good money selling black box tvs which I am certain is illegal. I fought and got a court order injunction that my then 5 year old daughter was to be kept from her brother during the 20% that he was with the dad. A nonissue as he was in prison most of the time. Now that he is sober, I have met with him but I get this spidery feeling when with him. I just feel this instability and anger beneath the facade of Mr Sober. I am kind but I keep my distance. I have no doubt he is ASPD like his father. None. But drug abuse increases the risk of violence. My question is:
1. Let’s assume he was diagnosed during his incarceration…juvie hall… what should a parent do?
2. What can a parent do if anything to try to “ better” the ASPD child?
3. Most ASPD don’t kill. But out of all personality disorders, they can like narcs or schizophrenic s or paranoid types… if someone threatens violence, smashes property is verbally abusive is that enough to believe they will kill and to remove yourself from them? Even parents?
4. Assuming the Reiners kicked Nick out… would that not trigger him to seek retaliation? I mean how do you ever know?
I lived in fear of my life during my divorce. I sought out every contact that I had from ties to the pentagon to ties to the mafia to every support group available and LET HIM know. I eventually represented myself and filed motion after motion. I did well. Everything worked out fine AFTER the divorce and because of my agreements with him. But I asked everyone the same question: will he kill me? No one really knows. I hired a body guard. Slept on the floor with the house locked and security surveillance. I slept on the floor so if any shots came from the windows, my small children and I would be safe. We were. I think the smartest thing I did was to leave, and to get the legal system, the support groups for women and others to make it known his threats to kill me. I knew then that he knew he would be the prime suspect whether he cut my brakes or hired hitmen. I knew he wanted to live his luxury life. I also did not reveal what I suspected and told his lawyer that. It all worked out. I recommend anyone who is in fear of a loved one, get out but make it known and let him or her know it has been reported everywhere.
I cannot believe Nicks parents weren’t aware. They were. There is evidence as Rob Reiner told people at Conan’s” party that he was afraid of his son… so why did he live with him at 32?
5. Why did they let him live there?
6. Why did they bring someone they were aware was dangerous around their other children and friends? It could have been much worse.
7. Moreover there is this undercurrent that the parents coddled, enabled the son which made him worse. True? Can you enable a psychopath?
Finally I have shared that I got divorced when my second ex had a psychotic break and threatened my life, his best friends and police. He was sectioned. But that was it, I don’t take threats like that lightly. He had never done that before. It might have meant nothing. My ex felt bad about stepping on a snail. But I felt the need to protect myself and my family. Maybe because of my experience earlier. I just shut down. So for me, this justifies and validates this decision. I think people need to realize mental illness is no joke and it’s ok to kick them out. I said to my uncle this past summer…. it’s weird as if he had cancer or was hit by a car and lost his legs, I would be there. I feel some guilt on divorcing him after a mental break. But I did it. I know it was the right move.
Then there is my best friends daughter who for 7 years has been in and out of hospitals. She is autistic and BPD now 21. No trauma really but like the Reiners… years of overcompensation and coddling. In the past year or so she got violent physically a few times and lots with property damage. Injured the dog too and wrote detailed texts of murderingmy best friends that resulted in an arrest of felony criminal threats. I was one of others who called the police although many did when it happened and I helped get the charges dropped on the condition she move to another state and get therapy. BUT I can see little change in her unwillingness to drive, go to work, go to school. Instead she screams, blames and self harms. 8. What should a parent do? 9. Do doctors skip over psychopathy in diagnosis as there is little that can be done?
My heart goes out to the MANY parents with children addicted to drugs and/or mental illness. It has got worse since COVID. There is a youth mental health crisis. 10. Any ideas why worse? Thank you and I share as it’s obvious many can relate and the Reiners death frightens many who live or know someone like this. I think many know someone like this.
Oddly this case should help others as the discussion is open and public and alarming. Nick was a child who had every advantage. He had loving parents They were brutally murdered.
No worries Arya, haha!
Hi Arya:
JK is a majority SE and what you described about yourself resembles how she exists:) SE rock!
JORDY! Thank you! I loved the clip … and the actors in it;) ( speaking of hot), laughed a lot and well….. hope…. And to all… to all a good night!
Hi TS,
I had written a response to your last comment to me but I still don’t see it so I’m wondering if I got the nonce verification error. I’m going to attempt to write it again.
When Mr. Tudor posted the super empath & narcissist video, I thought it was in response to everyone asking how we tell the difference between a narcissist and a super empath There was a conversation going on between a few different bloggers who were curious about the differences. Instead, the video was about how and why super empaths get ensnared.
I know this is none of my business. But I need to say it. I don’t trust Jordy. I think she’s been abhorrent to WN & AA. I also believe she’s been abusive to other bloggers as well, including myself. She still complains about LET when she’s not even on the blog anymore.
I’m concerned because I think your tolerance of Jordy’s abuse sends a mixed message. When empaths first come here, they’re confused and often broken from the abuse they’ve suffered. Then they see one blogger abusing other bloggers and being considered an empath. If they think her abusive behavior is ok, will they also believe that abusive behavior from people in real life is also ok? At first I thought you recognized that she was abusive and you were redirecting her so the abuse would stop. Now I’m not so sure and I grew concerned for you as well.
You may not agree, but I felt the need to share my thoughts. I hope that’s ok. It not, feel free to ignore it.
Hi Leigh,
I accept that you don’t trust Jordy. If it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t wholeheartedly trust anyone on a public blog so I see yours as a sensible approach. This is why we are discouraged from sharing contact details on the blog, it’s for our own protection.
It’s clear to me that Jordy has her detractors and she also has her supporters. There are those who find her views on some topics offensive there are others who will agree with those views. There are those who who find her insightful and supportive, others who find her style of delivery wholly abrasive. Jordy is a polarising character, to my mind this does not make her abusive.
When I joined the blog, I read the blog rules. I agree with them otherwise I wouldn’t be here. Over the years I have seen comments with sections redacted for being in breach of those rules, teetering into ad hominem attack territory. I haven’t seen any redactions in Jordy’s comments, I haven’t seen her receive any warnings either. Therefore, to me it is a safe assumption that Jordy does not randomly go round attacking other commenters, new or otherwise. To my mind Jordy is not abusive. She does however have forceful opinions, and is not afraid to present those opinions in a provocative way. Sometimes I think it is necessary to be provocative in order to drive a message home. I mentioned Ricky Gervais to Dani yesterday. He would be a prime example of someone who uses this approach and to great effect.
We have a narcissistic psychopath running this blog. I think we can agree that he is familiar with abuse in all its forms, subtle or otherwise. The blog has been a safe space for people to share their thoughts and views for over ten years. It is not in HG’s interest to have a commenter abusing others on his blog, particularly given how vulnerable some people are when they first arrive. Comments are in moderation before being posted, so there is full control over what appears in the comments section and what doesn’t.
However, just because Jordy’s comments are not abusive, this doesn’t mean that some readers won’t find her views offensive, or her style of delivery abrasive. That is their choice and their opinion. We are all adults here. We come from a range of different backgrounds, cultures and life experiences. It stands to reason we are not all going to get along. If that is the case, we are not forced to interact with every commenter here. We are not required to respond to every comment addressed to us. In some cases, where commenters clearly will never see eye to eye or get upset and offended by interactions, I would question how productive it is to keep continuing with them. If anything, I think it’s the continuation and escalation that new arrivals might find more off putting, but that’s just my opinion.
We can’t control the behaviour of others. We can only control our own. In terms of new arrivals to the blog, those who feel lost, vulnerable, angry, confused and a range of emotions besides, I make every effort to help and support them in their recovery. I will continue to do so.
I’m not offended Leigh, I know you feel that you are being protective, I know your intentions towards me are positive. I also spy your Saviour cadre glowing away there! I just see things very differently to you on this occasion.
Xx
Written as the voice of reason I know you to be.
Hi TS,
Yes! Its definitely my savior kicking in! Its why I keep bringing it up. I do agree that the continuation and escalation might be off putting to newcomers. But Jordy also continues to be offensive & abrasive. I think its important for new bloggers to know that its ok to draw a line if they need to. They don’t have to accept it.
Have you read her comments to AA & WN? Those are the worst. Although I wasn’t a fan of how she spoke to AV, Dani or Contagious either.
I’m not opposed to Jordy sharing her opinion. Believe it or not, I actually agree with a lot of what she has to say. I find her incredibly interesting, even though she finds me contemptable. I don’t like that she attacks when you don’t agree with her. I don’t like the name calling. I don’t like how she nitpicks about many of us. You and I are disagreeing right now and there’s no name calling, attacking or nitpicking.
I know abusive is a subjective term. So maybe Mr. Tudor didn’t see her comments to AA & WN as abusive either. I also can agree that some bloggers won’t see her as abusive either. Whatever word you want to use, I’m not a fan of her being abrasive or offensive either. I think someone can be straightforward and still be kind. You do it all the time. I would never use the word abrasive to describe you. But I definitely would call you straightforward.
I know at some point I have to let it go. I also know that we will just have to agree to disagree. But I did have some further thoughts that I wanted to share.
Hi Leigh,
It was the worst to LET, based on some supposed prior meanness on LET’s part toward Jordy. LET was not nasty to anyone on the blog, that I ever saw. Not once. And yet she was allowed to be treated abusively to the point that she left. And now some who were her “friends” have forgotten the treatment she received. Blog world is generally not one to trust, it wouldn’t be any different anywhere else.
WC, I like your comment, it does toughen us up. But to what? I don’t care how “tough” I get, if I start name calling, berating people, twisting words etc, I would not be happy with who I had become. Some I’m sure feel differently, which is their prerogative. I am thankful for NC. Much as I think HG is wrong in this instance, it is not from him that I will go NC, the other has already been done.
Hi Leigh,
I can’t comment on the interactions Jordy has with other blog commenters as we are all so different. Each commenter will have their own motivations for continuing or discontinuing interactions on the blog and I don’t think it’s for me to agree or disagree with their decisions. I think people have to do what is right for them and only them.
Yes, you and I are able to disagree with each other respectfully and carry on happily but like everyone else here, I’m sure we both have our supporters and detractors. That’s to be expected. I do very much value the kindness and support you have offered to me over the years, and your willingness to voice your concerns even though you weren’t sure how I’d take it!
I listened to a podcast the other day. The guest was explaining that there are three key aspects that determine how people behave as adults.
1. How did you make and maintain friendships as a child?
2. How did you cope with conflict as a child, what strategies worked best?
3. How did you secure reward as a child? For some that might be the reward of a new game or toy, for others it was getting fed.
These strategies formed in childhood, carry through into adulthood. Now add narcissism into the mix (not discussed in the podcast) and I think that gives us a rough idea of what many of us are carrying around.
I think when it comes to conflict, many of us don’t truly know how to deal with it. We know we don’t like it, but we are unsure how to resolve it. I’m not certain there even is a set way to resolve it sometimes, particularly if we have all developed different strategies for coping with it. What works for one, won’t necessarily work for another.
When we see conflict on the blog, in some ways I think it can be useful. Conflict is a fact of life and we need to find a ‘healthy’ way of resolving it. It’s a fine balance I think between allowing people to develop those skills, whilst simultaneously managing the level of conflict so that new arrivals aren’t dissuaded from commenting or even staying to get the help they need. This is what I thought about after reading the comments responding to your question.
I also think an uncomfortable truth might be that conflict only runs and runs when it’s given oxygen. Very difficult to argue with yourself for any length of time. That said, I’ve seen my mum give that a pretty good go! All eyes are on Jordy here, I’m not sure that’s entirely fair. Over time, I’ve also seen some pretty cutting comments sent her way too. More recently, she has had comments written to, or about her for weeks now. Personally, that makes me very uncomfortable.
What I can say and in a jokey way, “Will all those who are entirely innocent please stand up!” (I’ll be staying seated.)
Xx
I’m standing.
“i’m standing” HG cracks me up!
Are we allowed to say that you don’t count (I lynin this regard HG 😉) eek 🫣
You may write what you wish.
Doesn’t mean it’s applicable though.
Haha! You would be!
TS,
That uncomfortable feeling you’re feeling for Jordy, that’s the uncomfortable feeling I felt for all the other bloggers she went after. It wasn’t one comment. It was dozens to WN & AA. It was less to myself & other bloggers but still several nasty comments. Why weren’t you uncomfortable with those comments?
As far as Jordy goes, I don’t care if she’s uncomfortable. If she can’t take it, she shouldn’t dish it out.
I am standing because I am innocent. She came for me first. She it doesn’t get to be rude to me and then I have to bite my tongue. That doesn’t work for me.
Hi AV,
I agree. LET’s comments were always kind and respectful. Its sad that LET felt the need to draw a line and leave the blog. I thought she was a valuable asset to the blog. She was just trying to stand up for CoDs and describe their behaviors. Then it got ugly.
Ugh! At some point I have to draw a line too. I won’t leave the blog. I need it to much. But maybe its time to let this go. I’ve shared my thoughts and that’s all I can do. Tomorrow’s a new year, maybe its time to start fresh.
Fair enough HG. 😊 And it would be nice if I didn’t write rubbish (I meant “only in this regard HG”). Ps happy new year
Hi Leigh,
I didn’t state that I wasn’t uncomfortable with Jordy’s comments to other bloggers.
I didn’t state that if people are rude to you, you should have to bite your tongue or that new bloggers can’t draw the line.
I stated that bloggers have their own motivations for interacting with Jordy or ceasing interactions with her.
I stated that I think it is up to individual bloggers to decide what action to take. It’s not up to me to agree or disagree with their decisions. They should do what’s right for them and only them.
I don’t enjoy conflict any more than the next person. I agree with you, if people have a problem with Jordy they have every right to raise it with her. Jordy has every right to respond, or not.
What makes me uncomfortable is when commenters pool grievances together as a group, rather than each commenter raising their grievances independently of each other. That’s a personal preference but I think it’s more difficult to resolve things that way.
If you are asking me if I think Jordy has written abrasive and provocative comments on the blog, the answer is yes I do think that but I also think she has written some very insightful and supportive comments too. My point there was that if we all objectively reviewed our own comment history, very few of us could be viewed as flawless throughout.
I didn’t know that LET had expressly cited Jordy as being her reason for leaving the blog permanently. I didn’t see that. I assumed she was ensconced in her role as grandma and had less occasion / need to be a part of the blog. I agree with you. LET is lovely and I hope to see her return.
Hi TS.
I’ve been reading your comments (and Leigh’s) with curiosity and interest. I’d like to contribute.
“However, just because Jordy’s comments are not abusive, this doesn’t mean that some readers won’t find her views offensive, or her style of delivery abrasive. That is their choice and their opinion.”
I agree there is a difference between abrasiveness and offensiveness and abuse. Anyone can be offended by anything and abrasiveness often occurs when there are strong feelings and an unfiltered delivery of opinions. When someone says to me, in the heat of the moment ‘what a ridiculous comment,’ I find that abrasive. There are quite a few abrasive commenters on the blog, in my opinion, and I put myself in that group. But a comment like this:
“Annaamel, your repeated digs at HG and smearings of him to his loyal readers who are on top of that autistic and can’t see through what you’re doing, are disgusting neverending ridiculous nauseating displays of your stupidity. Grow the fuck up, lady.”
…goes beyond abrasiveness. It’s abusive.
The campaign against WN (whether you like her or not), taking her comments and deconstructing them to highlight narcissistic manipulations and giving her a nickname is abuse. It’s bullying, and bullying is abuse. Bullies are not abrasive. They’re abusive.
To describe all of her reactions as abrasive minimises the ripple effect of abusive comments or behaviour on the readership and community of a blog like this, where readers benefit from feeling some safety.
“If you are asking me if I think Jordy has written abrasive and provocative comments on the blog, the answer is yes I do think that but I also think she has written some very insightful and supportive comments too.”
I agree Jordy has made some great comments. She’s incredibly intelligent. Unusually so. And while Leigh and AV weren’t happy with her contributions
in the codependence discussion I thought Jordy carried herself admirably in that thread and I miss that version of Jordy, which showed respect to fellow bloggers and acceptance of differences of opinion without resorting to insult. Something changed and she started to bully other participants. I miss the first iteration of Jordy.
“My point there was that if we all objectively reviewed our own comment history, very few of us could be viewed as flawless throughout.”
I think it’s a false equivalence to compare the responses of other readers here trying to manage or process aggressive commentary to the aggressive comments themselves.
“I didn’t know that LET had expressly cited Jordy as being her reason for leaving the blog permanently. I didn’t see that. I assumed she was ensconced in her role as grandma and had less occasion / need to be a part of the blog.”
My perspective is that the codependent discussion bothered LET so much she removed herself from the blog. I’d say, rather than Jordy’s comments, it was the whole conversation, its content, and the lack of challenge to premises raised.
“I agree with you. LET is lovely and I hope to see her return.”
LET could be lovely. She could also be abrasive (she said the ridiculous comment I mentioned above). But that’s a pretty normal personality type on narcsite especially when topics move us.
Hi Annaamel,
Regarding:
““Annaamel, your repeated digs at HG and smearings of him to his loyal readers who are on top of that autistic and can’t see through what you’re doing, are disgusting neverending ridiculous nauseating displays of your stupidity. Grow the fuck up, lady.””
I am surprised if LET wrote this, without provocation, but I’m also not doubting you. Would you mind posting the link to that comment? I would be interested in reading it in context.
To all,
FWIW, for those who may not know some history here, TS and I had a falling out a couple/few years ago. I apologized for my part in that situation, the apology was not accepted, I agreed to not speak to her going forward and have not done so. In the situation with Jordy, I have been exceptionally confused because the “line” I crossed, that of not getting personal, which I should not have done and was unable to correct, is the line I’ve seen Jordy cross repeatedly with many besides TS. Because TS has continued to interact “pleasantly” with Jordy, it has appeared very in the face of all those who were not treated well by Jordy. Not all took offense at Jordy’s treatment of them, which I have no problem with, we are all unique. But for those who did take offense, I see that as also not inappropriate. So to have those offenses minimized instead of validated, it has been very odd to me. Mostly because we are here on a site that teaches us to go to the evidence. No one has said Jordy is a narcissist, nope, not even me. I have simply been watching behaviors and seeking to understand. In all honesty, TS’s choices on the whole have been as perplexing to me, given my own history with her, as Jordy’s have been.
I am not wanting to rekindle anything that is over and done but did want to explain. I am fine with NC with people, if they desire it or if I decide it, not a problem. But, again, we are all unique in perspective and perception, so I’m throwing mine into the ring too. Maybe it will help someone.
Thank you, AA!
You have no idea how much I appreciate your comment!
There’s a part of me that wants to post all of her nasty comments to you & WN all in one thread. So people know that I’m not just being sensitive & making shit up in my head. But then there’s a bigger piece that just wants it to go away.
Hello AV.
LET wrote ‘what a ridiculous comment’.
Jordy wrote the grow up lady comment.
Apologies if this was unclear.
Hi Annaamel,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s useful to see your opinion as you have interacted with Jordy for quite some time across numerous threads.
My purpose here is not to analyse and pass judgement on each of Jordy’s responses to other commenters. My view is that if commenters have an issue with her then that is a matter for them, not me. Individuals can decide for themselves what they each find acceptable or unacceptable. I will do the same.
In terms of the example you gave of a comment Jordy directed to you, I am not the authority on what constitutes abuse and I don’t pretend to be. I also do not have the full discussion for context. Personally, in general terms, I think there is an important difference between a verbal insult made in the heat of debate and a prolonged campaign of systematic verbal abuse. I think what likely matters more though is how you yourself view the comment and how you choose to proceed. Only you can be the judge of that. This has been my stance from the start, people should do what is right for them, individually, in line with their own personal boundaries.
I agree with you, Jordy is an intelligent commenter. I enjoy reading the way she thinks about a subject not simply in isolation but within a broader context. This is what I find most engaging about Jordy and why I value our discussions. That is my personal experience of her.
I have heard repeated mention of the codependency discussion. I don’t recall being involved in that discussion at all. That’s not to say categorically that I wasn’t, just that I don’t recall. Thank you for offering an alternative perspective on it. My understanding was that LET had cited Jordy as her reason for leaving the blog. I clearly misunderstood.
Hi AV
I’m glad you raised this. You’re right, it is relevant. I’ll do my best to clarify.
Yes, you and I did have a falling out a few years ago. You did apologise and I didn’t accept the apology. I didn’t accept it for the simple reason that it was a case of ‘boundary line crossed.’ Once I switch off, I don’t switch back on. I expressed my preference to cease further interaction and you agreed. What has been the outcome of that agreement? Both of us have co existed quite happily on the blog since then. Both of us have respected the boundary. I can’t speak for you, but for my part I make every effort to avoid inserting myself into conversations where you are actively commenting. My feeling is that you do the same for me. Why? Because we are both empaths and respect the boundaries of others. You might not have agreed with my decision at the time but you have certainly respected my decision.
This is the point I am trying to make. If a commenter has a problem with someone on the blog, raise it, find an appropriate solution, move on. How much air time did our falling out take up? A few days, a week at worst and no snide comments or sniping post then. We interact with many of the same people, no one feels uncomfortable, at least not to my knowledge.
You and I have both said independently that it is not always necessary to determine if a person is a narcissist to cease communication with them. If the relationship isn’t working, if it is upsetting, end it, move on. I’m paraphrasing there but you know what I mean.
The only reason I am involved in this discussion at all is because I was asked to respond and then I was further responding to additional comments. I have given a very clear response in my very first reply to Leigh. I do not regard Jordy’s comments as abusive. I explained my reasoning. Have I read every one of Jordy’s comments and been involved in every conversation where Jordy has been accused of making abusive remarks? No, I haven’t. Am I going to trawl through years of past comments and evaluate them? No, my role is a commenter role, not a moderator role.
If people disagree with my response to Leigh about Jordy, that’s their choice. I am not trying to persuade anyone to agree with my views. I was asked for my opinion and I gave it. Just because I don’t agree with the opinions of several other commenters doesn’t mean that I am minimising them.
Ultimately, my view on Jordy is my own and relevant only to my own future interactions with her. As I said to Annaamel earlier, I think it’s important for people to make their own decisions if they have a grievance with Jordy or anyone else. That doesn’t have to mean that a commenter is abusive, it’s how the individual feels about the interaction that matters. Only they can decide that.
I hope that clarifies things.
Hi Leigh,
Please know that your comments defending AA and myself are truly appreciated by me.
You’re not being overly sensitive or making things up in your head. There were nasty and dismissive comments. We are all learning here and the learning includes how and when to respond or not respond.
Please don’t feel the need to post all of the nasty comments. They weren’t your fault and it’s not your responsibility to do so. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were motivated to be helpful and to defend. Your motivations came from a place that was honest, transparent and decent. As far as I’m concerned, there’s absolutely no need for you to feel badly about that.
Thanks Annaamel.
Hi TS,
The situation between you & AV doesn’t make me uncomfortable. But it does make me sad.
I think you both have a lot to offer, though and in my happy place, you both would be able to offer it to each other.
Of course, I’ll continue to honor your wishes though.
Hey Leigh: I adore and follow your posts. And I agree that no one should suffer abuse. But I must add that as empaths, I would like to see us all unite. Agree to disagree with dignity. Forgive and forget. Move on. I am certain I am annoying you and I others that I know…..but others here would say me they would like the feud to end. Also, I will say it again not just to you but to all, people need to feel safe here. Blogging is gosh intimate. I have shared things here to help but gagged doing so as it’s so personal. But I think maybe someone else… 1. Married with a ASPD. Maybe someone else knows what it feels to have a loaded gun at their head? Afraid for their life and smal children? 2. Maybe someone else has been sued for full custody? 3. Maybe someone else has had a 6’5 man put their fist in their face? 4. Maybe someone else has had long or years of harmony only to be emotionally abused by verbal insults and silent treatments ? Now I have never been sexually abused but others have. I left home at 17. Put myself through college, law school, raised two remarkable children and bought a beach house in SoCal. I survived. But if I came to this site at a time I mentioned and I saw squabbling amongst empaths. I would have been afraid to share. Please. Let’s join as ONE. It will help HG! Bloggers need to feel safe and accepted here. We aren’t the Midlands Tea and Roses bog
I’m glad this has been raised tbh as it feels like the elephant in the room at times. I put off joining here for quite a while as it didn’t look particularly safe in my eyes. I’m glad I have now but I do think it is an ongoing issue.
I think there’s also merit in points about moving on and different perspectives but for me, some of the comments I have seen before and since joining have bordered on abusive at times. Of course we all have different views on what that is and particularly if we’re the ones they’re aimed at, or not. I’ve wondered what it would be like if those comments were moderated differently and I can see HGs wisdom in how he approaches it.
Maybe there’s no ideal solution. 🤷♀️ I do think most of us want respectful discussion but it can be hard when there’s a build up of bad feeling over time.
Jade,
“I put off joining here for quite a while as it didn’t look particularly safe in my eyes. I’m glad I have now but I do think it is an ongoing issue.”
You make a good point.
I remember, when I first arrived on the blog, that disagreements, heated discussion and negativity in the comments were more much disconcerting to me than they are now. Perhaps it’s because I am further along in my healing and less sensitive to it. Perhaps it’s because I better understand some of the players now and the underlying motives of those involved. Maybe it’s a combination of both.
I think some of the frank, provocative and intense discussions in the comments section can be both draw to the blog and a deterrent to the blog. I also recall this being the case for myself. There was a lot of intelligent discussion going between those who had endured similar circumstances to myself and I read a lot before engaging in commenting myself. And I didn’t like some of the conflict I witnessed at that time, but it certainly made me curious about those involved and actually wanting to learn more about them or the topic at hand.
I also remember reading some of HG’s earliest blog articles and commentary to blog readers – and thinking: “My, isn’t he full of himself..” And, for some that might be a turn off and they don’t stick it out and keep reading (and too bad for them) – but if one does stay on, it can open up a world of understanding…as so many of us have discovered.
I do think there is a difference though between frank, forceful discussion and comments that are intended to bite, cut or cause abrasion with a lack of regard to the recipient. A bit like wanting to stick the knife and twist, just a little…I do think these comments can be a real deterrent to those newly arrived and hurting from ensnarement. So, I can fully understand how it might not have felt safe to you, Jade, in the beginning. Glad you have stayed though.
Thank you WhoCares, I really appreciate that. 🙏 I’m glad I’ve stayed too. ☺️ I think it’s a lesson for me too in not running away from conflict and I like what you said about understanding others more from these situations, i’m finding that too. I feel like I’m learning too much to leave but a generally more respectful environment for all, would be nice.
I’m embracing my sensitivity recently but I’m still prone to taking things to heart which is part of what was a bit of a deterrent (I’m still wondering a bit if everyone here thinks I throw the word narcissist around too easily! 😅). But most importantly I’m learning to know and validate myself and keep going. That’s my lesson. ✊
“comments that are intended to bite, cut or cause abrasion with a lack of regard to the recipient. A bit like wanting to stick the knife and twist, just a little…I do think these comments can be a real deterrent to those newly arrived and hurting from ensnarement.”
☝️
Yes, they’re the ones that bother me, either directly or towards others.. I find it upsetting both ways. I understand and have experienced eroded emotional empathy myself but still wonder how people leave comments like this and not think it will a) hurt the other person(s) and b) come back at them in terms of a response / reaction and c) come back and apologise later if they have hurt someone (like Arya has done recently).
The thing that stuck out in my head earlier after reading this particular thread (and which I read a lot about previously in relation to narcissism) is “rupture and repair”. It’s a natural part of life for rupture’s to occur between two people but the repair part is what moves things on and can even deepen relationships. Narcissists of course, can’t (genuinely) do that but from the people I’ve seen commenting here so far, I believe we can.. but it seems it hasn’t been happening enough 🤔
Hi Contagious,
First I want to say that I think you’re wonderful. You’re our biggest cheerleader!
I don’t think it necessary to unite as ONE with all bloggers. I think its ok if we choose to back off. I also don’t think its necessary to unite because I don’t necessarily see disagreement as a problem. I like reading different views from other bloggers. I want to have a broader understanding and the only way to do that is to be open to other people’s viewpoints. By doing that, it opens and expands my own mind. There’s a way to disagree though. You can disagree with kindness and understanding. Understanding and kind aren’t words I would use to describe Jordy. That’s why I won’t unite with her. I apologize if that upsets you though. I made that decision because I no longer want to allow abrasiveness in my life.
Hi Jade,
I’m glad you decided to stay as well! I really enjoy our conversations!
Ugh! I know I can get embroiled in situations sometimes. I did feel strongly about this situation and I agree it felt like there was an elephant in the room. Its one of the reasons I wanted to bring it up.
I just want respectful conversations as well. Sometimes people don’t realize they’re crossing a line and its a good practice to address them when it does happen. It makes it easier to address it when it happens in real life too.
WC,
I loved your comment to Jade! I feel very similar to you.
Jade,
I am happy that my comment was useful for you.
Re: conflict… I am, for the most part, conflict avoidant. I really dislike it actually. I think this is the legacy of too often being present during arguments between my parents as a child and later, my narc mother attempting to use me (and my cousins as well) as a conduit to others in the family who she was in conflict with. I was never one to take on the role of messenger – and certainly not mediator.
I might step into a conflict in defense of someone, but it’s rare. I mostly just prefer to listen and learn, occasionally stepping in, in defense of someone/something. Most of the time it’s between adults – and adults can solve their own issues.
With regard to “rupture and repair”…I think the empathic perspective generally desires this (to fix/heal things). But not every empath feels the desire to do so.
Hi Leigh,
I love our conversations too! I imagine you like the good witch in wizard of Oz, for narcsite! 🧚♀️ I admire your ability to respectfully stand up for what you believe in. Sometimes we have to step in or say something, don’t we? I think hoping it will just get better is a no sum game a lot of the time. Definitely I’ve learnt that with narcissists too.
“I want respectful conversations as well. Sometimes people don’t realize they’re crossing a line and its a good practice to address them when it does happen. It makes it easier to address it when it happens in real life too.
Yes. Exactly. We all have different ways and approaches. Often people will stop crossing the line when it’s politely pointed out and you both learn something but sometimes they don’t.. and well that’s a different thing.
WC
Thanks again for your comments. Yep, I’m very like you with conflict. 😅
“With regard to “rupture and repair”…I think the empathic perspective generally desires this (to fix/heal things). But not every empath feels the desire to do so.”
That’s it in a nutshell, isn’t it? And when that’s the case, we can only choose our own response.
I love HGs logical approach. A great benefit of being here but of course he can’t bring the emotional side of things. I guess we’re trying to work out how to do that together in a way that works for everyone. It’s great to learn so much here but don’t want to be walking in eggshells or feeling constantly bruised. That’s no good either.
Awww Jade! Thank you for that wonderful description of me!
Thank you for also understanding my reasoning here. It was upsetting for me to watch it happen and I was compelled to say something.
As you can see, I don’t shy away from conflict. Ugh! I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad thing. Probably a little bit of both. I want to say this though, I don’t go looking for or trying to start conflict. If its directed at me or I feel compelled to stand up for others though, I don’t have a problem going into battle either.
I get that Leigh. ♥️
I also felt funny saying i didn’t like conflict and then calling out Arya on stuff recently. Sometimes we need to say stuff though, I think that’s life isn’t it? I have a lot of respect for how Arya dealt with what I said. I also like what she said in another comment about needing to say things herself, otherwise they go round and round in her head.
It’s always a balance isn’t it? I spent years not having external conflict but with a lot of people taking the p, in hindsight (so internal conflict for me). That’s no good either. 🤷♀️
I’m not sure what the answer is here, hopefully we can all find a way forward. 🙏 I’ve got to say, a well timed witticism from HG does seem to break some ice. 😄 I also agree with Arya that more males could be good here too for balance. We just need to not scare them off before they arrive lol.
Happy new year Leigh! Thank you very much for all your help this year. ✨
Hi Jade,
I don’t like conflict either, do not go looking for it, usually opt to ignore it or walk away from it. But I have those things, as I expect many people do, that I am willing to step up and fight for. I wanted to say this regarding your comment of feeling conflicted due to your recent conflict/conversation with Arya, and then how beautifully it was resolved between the two of you. It was refreshing to see.
Hi Leigh,
“As you can see, I don’t shy away from conflict.”
Out of curiosity, would you attribute this to your Savior, your Geyser, your Super, a combination of these, or dependent on the situation more? It something else entirely?
Hi Jade,
Happy New Year to you too!
They way you worked through your conflict with Arya is exactly how it should be done.
At some point I do have to acknowledge that a conflict can’t be resolved though. I think I’m at that point now. I hope, lol!
Thank you Jade 😊❤️ Happy New Year! All the best!
Hi Leigh:
I think you are wonderful too. I respect your personal decision even though I would love to have guided a fence ended. And enough said…. We have lots more discuss here.
My topics would be Nick Reiner, the Netflix special on this cult like psychologist who destroyed families and engaged in child abuse. Her powers of persuasion were stunning to me. Oh so good. Oh so helpful”. I love children. I love your children. “ Speaks about empathy and saving. Now in jail she quotes the Bible and equates herself as being persecuted Ike Jesus. She did nothing wrong… why a 12 year old lies I a hospital. If HG doesn’t address it, I would love the bloggers comments. Like Pluribus… she hods herself out as a savior, an empath… scary. Watch Evil Infuencer: the Jody Hidebrandt story. A cult leader, a therapist, LDS, a woman! And a total narcissist. Sadistic traits. I would say mid range type A. Any others? Nick Reiner is a psychopath in my opinion. His parents were getting less useful and in the way and he resented their control and he resented others fame. He was entitled to greatness simply by being. That’s my take. Substance abuse was part of his recklessness. And if schizo…arose from meth and coke use. Anyway! Happy New Year!
It’s easier said than done for all of us, isn’t it Leigh? But thank you, I appreciate that and to Arya! ❤️ And Arya and I haven’t got much history which I think is why the other situation has had legs. I noticed WN and Bubbles disagreeing amicably as well recently.
I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to give my view but here I go. Yikes. 😅😬
tbh Jordy was the one that scared me when I read some of her comments to lots of people before I joined! I couldn’t see what had happened but it seemed like there was good interaction for a while with you all. In reading over old threads recently I think I can see where the disagreements started a few years ago (the key to entry?).
I wonder if there were crossed wires, more crossed wires etc (about the word victim).. buttons got pressed inadvertently, feelings got hurt on both sides and the opposite to Arya happened over time for Jordy, that Jordy felt ok here but then associated it with negativity and her empathy eroded and things escalated as a result to defend herself. Of course you were defending yourself too but maybe felt more agreed with…? 😅
I also get the feeling that there’s a different way of communicating/processing with Jordy like TS mentioned a whole ago about her possibly being INFJ. I’m not sure if anyone is “neuro typical” tbh but I had noticed in this thread and the one above that Jordy comes at things from a very different angle. I say this as someone that is neuro quirky (INFP I believe) too btw so it’s not a criticism. Just looking at how we all process and maybe that’s happened. I also feel like some of Jordy’s insights are quite spectacular.. I find my mind being blown sometimes.. not to HGs level of course 😉 she sees stuff that I wouldn’t even know how to articulate that I’ve found very useful. 🤷♀️
You have helped me A LOT since being here so I’m a bit nervous to say this but I do see two valuable commenters that could start afresh AND of course……
neither of you have to and can say “What the fuck does Jade/two know.. bloody interloper”! I’ll be fine about that honestly. 🙏
I’m learning to be brave and say what I see so I’m taking a chance. And of course NC is valid for you, Jordy and anyone that feels it’s too hard to go back. I haven’t read all that thread btw and I don’t know all that’s been said but I see your big heart, see Jordys input and am a peacemaker. ✌️I didn’t feel like our learning here seeps into real life and our growth so if it makes a difference cool, it it doesn’t cool ❤️
Just to add, reading over old threads has made me more fall in love with Contagious if that’s possible (in a non romantic way Contagious.. don’t worry, you haven’t got a stalker lol!). You’re very inspiring is all.
Hi AV,
I’m not sure what part of my empathic makeup is attributed to why I don’t shy away from conflict. Its probably some sort of combination.
I grew up in a household where there was near constant conflict. There was barely ever any peace. Of course I prefer calmness but if I think there’s an injustice happening, I’ll jump into the conflict as well.
I guess the injustice triggers my savior and my geysers gives me the courage to do it. But then I usually lose stream and feel drained. Which is kind of where I’m at now.
Hi Contagious,
I’m so upset about Pluribus because I don’t have AppleTV & I can only see one episode on Prime. Ugh!
I’ve heard about Jodi Hildebrandt. My ex best friend whose a narc is a psychologist and has told me about her. I’ll have to check it out on Netflix.
I agree with you about Nick Reiner. He definitely has ASPD. Maybe NPD too. I had wrote a response to you on a different thread. I think Rob was CoD and truly believed that there was still goodness in his son. The whole thing was incredibly sad.
Thank you Leigh (and Arya! ❤️). Oh it’s easier said than done for all of us isn’t it Leigh? 😅 I think there also isn’t that much history with Arya and I so it hasn’t had legs like the other situation here.
Don’t know if I’m crazy wading in a little on the other thing lol.. i’ve been reading old threads and understanding a bit more of the “history” (I think lol 🥴). You have a big heart so it could be possible to move on I think and equally maybe a line in the sand is the thing. Only you know. 🤷♀️ It’s hard when feelings get hurt, isn’t it? It’s natural to protect ourselves. I think there were buttons pressed inadvertently and it’s build up and tension has compounded over time on both sides?? And I know there’s been a lot happening I’m not aware of and that there’s been heated exchanges.
from what I’ve read I will say, I think that’s what Jordy’s doing too re protecting herself (I found her scary before I arrived but think there might be that there’s a different communication style and maybe for her a feeling like she’s outnumbered here and now feeling eroded empathy when she’s on the blog 🤔). Sorry if I’m misreading this Jordy!?! Please correct me if I’m wrong and you’re reading.
I think that’s what TS was getting at with her INFJ comment to Jordy recently too in terms of approaches. She has quite a unique way of looking at things and I feel like she processes things in a certain way and I think maybe her frustration over being misunderstood has boiled over.
My pennies worth. I think you’re ok Leigh but also a bit stuck?? .. I might be wrong but you’ve helped me… So if any of this helps great. If not, no worries 😜 I’m learning to say what I see if I think it could be helpful but equally if you (and Jordy?) just think “fuck that shit sky high” a la the great HG, I’m ok with that too. 🙏❤️✌️
Lol. Leigh. I thought my first comment to you re Jordy didn’t go through so tried to remember and rewrote it.. and now they’re both there! I hope I haven’t crossed a line y’all ✌️
Thank you for flagging up Ruby H, Contagious. She sounds “interesting”. I’ll check out more on her. So sad about Nick R, I find that hard to engage in.
Happy new year Arya! 🥳
I hope you had a good time with your daughter. ❤️
Thank you Leigh, that is interesting. I asked because for me, if there is a cause I choose to take up, I will fight and not end until the other person is basically saying they’re done. I’m learning to stop prior to this, it has been a learning process and I’m happy to report I’ve made reasonable progress on it. But sometimes, for me, knowing which aspect is triggered in me helps me to get it under control. I think the majority Savior mixed with (in my case very high, not majority)Super combo is one of the most challenging, we are determined to help another, come hell or high water, and unfortunately even if the other doesn’t want our help. Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it.
Hi Jade,
You are always free to make any comments to me. I can see that you’re incredibly kind & understanding.
With regards to Jordy though, I think saying its her “communication style” could be seen as excuse to accept her bullying behaviors. That’s just my opinion though. I’m not the expert.
Yes, the line has been drawn with Jordy. Oftentimes I can’t help when it happens. It just happens naturally. I have no desire to make it better. But I also don’t want people to feel uncomfortable so I won’t bring it up again & I’ll try to squash it if someone mentions it to me.
“maybe for her a feeling like she’s outnumbered here and now feeling eroded empathy when she’s on the blog”
Hello Jade.
Yes, i also think Jordy is in a not many fucks to give phase because she feels a lack of support.
But it’s her own conduct, first towards WN but then additionally towards me, which has resulted in some participants withdrawing their support for her.
Early on i tried various strategies to dissuade Jordy from her line of attack on WN, but it just didn’t work. She was determined. WN began responding with barbs of her own and it eventually looked like s two sided feud.
It’s an unfortunate situation, and is definitely informed by blog history, going back before Jordy or I arrived.
I just want Jordy not to bully other readers. I’d guess that’s what many other readers who have withdrawn support for her also feel.
Phew Leigh. I got it. Btw just to say I don’t think communication style is an excuse for bullying behaviour and I don’t think you’re imagining anything either. I’ve seen some horrible comments and I particularly remember a irregular commenter Charly? asking HG to stop the fighting here and receiving a unpleasant reply from Jordy. I have been invalidated in situations like this and that isn’t my intention. I have also seen you react very gracefully in a recent thread with Jordy and know that a lot of effort has gone into trying to resolve it too.
I think what I suppose I could see is the hurt and reaction on the other side too and maybe where they’re coming from with what’s happened and with their reactions possibly building up.. just guess work obvs.. apologies Jordy if I got it wrong lol!.. I’ve been trying to work out what’s been going on .and I guess in an effort to bring a newcomers eye without the emotion but yeh, I get it too. 🤷♀️ I am also very aware I don’t know a lot of the history.. I had no idea re TS and AV. Sometimes life isn’t happy endings eh and maybe that’s ok. We can still benefit from this work and coexist alongside each other.
Big hugs to all. 🙏
Hi AV,
If I had to take an educated guess,
I think certain traits are probably triggered as well. I think my justice & truthseeker traits are triggered. Definitely some anger too. All those in conjunction light a fire under me.
I can concede and often will if I feel like I’m getting nowhere. I’ll also concede if I realize I’m wrong.
In this situation I was aware that my savior was lighting up but I felt so strongly about it, I couldn’t let it go until I let it out. Sometimes I can squash it too. Which I’m getting better at believe it or not.
I appreciate you filling in some gaps for me annaamal 🙏 I’m very aware I don’t know a lot of it. these situations are very difficult aren’t they? You’re damned if you do (get involved) and also if you don’t… I think I was a little naive but well intentioned lol 🤦♀️ jumping in yesterday and I am sorry for all those that have experienced unpleasantness. It’s such a useful space. I do appreciate the respectful chat about it though as I’ve been trying to get my head around it…
One thing I need to do check out is the “rules”. I would have thought Jordy creating that unpleasant nickname for WN would have constituted bullying. 🤔 It must be a job for HG to moderate fairly and also not appear to be favouring anyone.
Thank you again annamel x
Hi WN,
When I wrote that, I was just thrown by the scapegoating comment. That meant I’m placing blame where it doesn’t belong and I felt the need to prove my case. I don’t feel that way anymore.
I won’t be posting the comments. They were brutal to read the first time and I don’t wish to rehash them.
Hi AV 👋
apologies I missed your beautiful comment about me and Arya. Thank you 🙏
“Hi Jade,
I don’t like conflict either, do not go looking for it, usually opt to ignore it or walk away from it. But I have those things, as I expect many people do, that I am willing to step up and fight for. I wanted to say this regarding your comment of feeling conflicted due to your recent conflict/conversation with Arya, and then how beautifully it was resolved between the two of you. It was refreshing to see.”
I think it is probably more accurate to describe myself like you actually .. I try to avoid too but will say something when really needed and much more these days. I think we need more people like you in the world AV.. pretending something isn’t happening especially to others is no good either (I don’t mean that about this particular situation but generally). I used to do it much more when younger (why like narcsite Arya, I identify with #GOT Arya) but somehow lost that along the way.. it’s cininh back tho #menopause 😉 I can see I had a lot of painful situations in my life go on too long because I wasn’t willing at the time to be honest and address things. It’s not easy but better in the long run even if it doesn’t turn out perfectly…
Ps my best friend growing up sided with two other friends who I now believe are narcissists. “That’s just how they are” she said about gaslighting , scapegoating, and all the fun that we know comes with narcissists. It’s water under the bridge now but that was the end of a long friendship so I know that importance of putting your head above the parapet at times and supporting others when needed if uncomfortable. I can see you, Leigh, annamel and WN have been there for each other too and that’s to be praised. ❤️
Hi Dani,
I know you didn’t ask me but I wanted to comment as well.
“How do you interpret the person being attacked who says nothing?” – Logical
Hello Leigh!
I’m glad you did. I love your response.
Do you think super empaths get more from the interaction than they feel would be achieved by silence? That’s what the excellent video comparing the pair by the Ultra made me think.
Is it the action of defending themself that alleviates the effects of the narc’s abuse the most for the super? I’m going to listen to that comparison video some more. I want to get it all…and registering to any HG video is a pleasure.
Relistening* not registering…
Silly autocorrect on my device.
Hi Dani,
I hope you read my comment to AV as well. I explain my thoughts about the video. As for your question, “Do you think super empaths get more from the interaction than they feel would be achieved by silence?” – I do. But I think there’s a huge possibility that it might be done unknowingly.
“The seduction’s mutual glow, the devaluation’s mirrored resistances, and the supernova’s narcissistic echo foster a dangerous affinity, often trapping supermpaths in cycles they could otherwise shatter. This resemblance is the narcissist’s greatest lure and the superempath’s call to awareness.” – This is an excerpt from Mr. Tudor’s video. I think he explains here brilliantly why a super empath continues to engage.
AV said she found the video discouraging. I felt the same because I didn’t like thinking that I could still unknowingly get caught up in the narcissistic dynamic.
Leigh, I wonder if people sometimes conflate a super empath and a weaponised empath. A weaponised empath can be from any empath school and they’ve become immune to narcissistic manipulations through awareness and understanding. A super empath who is not weaponised remains susceptible to ensnarement. They may be able to get out of it sooner than a person with another majority school but they are similarly vulnerable at the start, particularly if the narcissist meets their standards (or, perhaps surpasses those standards, thrilling them into ensnarement).
AA,
Very interesting! I think you’re on to something there. Maybe people do conflate super empath with weaponized empath. Just because you’re a super empath doesn’t mean necessarily that you’re weaponized.
Thank you for this comment, AA. You’ve given me an alternative view. I really appreciate that.
Hello Dani,
“Do you think super empaths get more from the interaction than they feel would be achieved by silence?” this question is a bit unclear to me, what do you mean “be achieved by silence”? To achieve what exactly?
As SE, I interact with someone if it has some value to me, I find this person’s opinion interesting and I can sense that this person understands what I’m saying. I go silent, if further interaction is either unpleasant or have no point for me, because I probably won’t learn anything new or I feel like this person doesn’t understand me.
It might be exceptions to this. For example, at work, if I try to explain someone something job related. I will be keep talking and searching for the way to get him/her see my point. Cause based on my experience, my first explanation is not always sets in.
My children or other loved ones, friends – I would never go silent on them.
If I’m angry or had too much drinks, I can start playing devils advocate and literally arguing just for the sake of arguing on any topic, even saying things, which in reality I don’t think or did, just to have fun. Till I get bored and stop.
So there is no clear answer to your question. It all depends on situation. Related to online interaction with strangers, I do often withdraw if I see no point. I don’t have a burning need to have the last word and prove my point all the time.
I’ve read a thread on SE here and I don’t agree with everything what has been said. But I’m in a situation that only me ( and logically HG) know that I’m SE, others might not believe me. Plus HG has said many times that often unaware narcissists consider themselves as SE. And true SE don’t scream about it. So I’m lose-lose position. If I say I’m SE, I would look like an aware narcissist, if I hide , then how I should explain that that’s how me would behave being SE, as an example?
Therefore, I would rather not get involved in any discussion of SE, what they would do or think or say. For me, there is no point. I know myself, I know what I do. Though I’m sure I’m not only SE here, I think NarcAngel is one too and maybe someone else. They do get involved. So SEs are all different, there is no common approach covering them all.
I’m finding it useful to hear your sharing on being a super empath, Arya but understand if you don’t want to.
Hello Arya,
I enjoyed reading your response. I want to say I don’t think you’re in a lose-lose situation in saying you’re a super empath here. Though this has only happened once in the context of empaths stating their schools on the blog so far as I have observed. Someone claimed they were a contagion empath or had contagion school…I don’t recall exactly which, but I remember it was contagion school being claimed. Mr. Tudor said they were wrong just once. The person sent a “yes, I am.” response that was posted. Mr. Tudor didn’t allow the falsehood to go uncorrected, nor did he humor it with argument. You have said you’re a SE. I believe you.
For my question… I was trying to ask if the act of a single rebuttal statement… Gives more than withdrawal. You answered it very well. “It’s different with different people and is based around circumstances like family, work, etc.” I think I get caught in the SE fights back so much that I tend to think of it being default and that’s why I get a bit confused by Mr. Tudor’s statement that they get away quickly if they are also more tightly bound by narcissistic traits to perhaps continuing.
For me “achieved by silence” means not expending the emotional energy on a conversation that has become combative, circular, etc. What I was inarticulately trying to get at is more (regarding strictly close relationships, narc family, narc intimate partner) is it more cathartic for a SE to say what they need to say or is it better to just walk away? Will it weigh on a SE more to say nothing? I’m asking as a general rule…and I know it will be very much individualized.
I appreciate the time you spent and your willingness to answer. You are not the only SE here. I am certain of that.
Hello Arya:
There are quite a few SE here. There are many types here. It’s all good. Take JK. I love her, admire her … a SE majority. Dolly Parton is majority Contagion. She is my favorite female empath but I have “ always loved🎶” Dolly. But they both have other %s and those matter too. They have different styles but overall…. It’s the E- empathy that stands out! It all starts with the E…:)
Hi Arya,
I don’t think it’s a problem if you share that your empath detector came out as majority SE. I actually think it’s interesting to discuss different kinds of behaviours and approaches based on the different types of majority empathy we have. I’m a majority standard empath with significant SE and insignificant contagion.
I don’t think I understand the comments about SE and going silent. Everyone can go silent for a variety of reasons. I thought that one aspect specific to SE was that they respond differently to manipulation and shitty behaviour in general. SE have a lower threshold for bullshit, meaning they are far less tolerant of certain behaviours. They also have more temper and are more feisty, which could be good fun for a greater to play with. Meet fire with fire.
I personally like silent treatments. I have used them on narcissists sometimes, which always triggers them. I would eventually block them if they were intimate partners. If they are friends, I usually just ignore them when they get on my nerves without blocking them. They will come back hoovering anyway.
In a previous comment, you said something about not being sure whether a non narc man would be right for you. Something like that. Why do you think that?
Hello AmusedEmpath,
I like your post to Jordy.
Silent treatments. Interesting, that you recognize that this is a manipulation and use it consciousnessly aiming at someone. My reactions, responses are mostly subconscious, I don’t dwell too much on why I behave in a certain manner, I just do.
Personally, I hate silent treatments. Both present and absent ones. They really do get me and hurt me.
When I go silent, it’s not because of revenge or trying to hurt a narcissist, it’s more for my own protection. It means further interactions with him, will cause me pain and I need either to break up with him or take a pause. No contact is different, it’s not a silent treatment – it’s the end of relationship.
If we talk about non-romantic cases, I may go silent because it’s boring, I’m busy or I simply don’t like that person.
Nowadays, with a knowledge I got here about narcissists, it might be one more reason for me to go silent and avoid someone – if I feel a strong attraction, like a pull, which I can’t control. Cause based on my experience, it always ends badly for me.
I give you an example. Recent one. And it’s a bit related to your question about non narcissist and me.
I’m playing one online game now for some time (not the one I got ensnared by narcs, but similar concept). I’m not looking for anyone there, I really just like this type of game. (Only this time, I almost don’t donate to it at all, my ex took all my money). So I was in a small tribe, all good. Then our leader decided to join a bigger tribe (about 80 people) and give up his leader role. This bigger clan is run by a guy, Russian. He has a girlfriend as well, they are couple in RL, but I don’t think they live together. All was kind of calm and boring in tribe chat for couple weeks with them occasionally drop by. He is a king and she is his Queen. I didn’t talk to him directly. Then it was a war event, and I accidently burned some members of our alliance (for points). I didn’t know they are our alliance, and many in chat and in my dm kept texting me to stop attacking them. I didn’t notice their texts initially, once I check chat many were mad at me. I said: “sorry, I didn’t know”. So the leader could have kicked me from the clan for breaking the rules, but he actually said: “fuck those losers” (about our alliance) and everyone left me alone. Since then, smth has changed.
He became very active, online often, chatting with everyone. He is clearly a narcissist. Confident, entitled. He is funny, too. Likes to joke. I’m not flirting with him or anything, talking only game related stuff. Cutting story short. He wants to move his tribe to another continent and about 4 days ago, the last thing he wrote to me was:” I’m not leaving without you”. After that I went silent and didn’t login to the game for 2 days. When I came back, our tribe chat was filled with him repeatedly telling his gf, how much he loves her, she is his Queen, the most beautiful woman etc . They were flirting heavily with each other, for eveyone to see and read it. Now I know how it’s called – a triangulation with an audience.
Anyway, my point is that I feel this pull towards him. No, I don’t love him, it’s more like I know that in the past, he would be someone who I might get infatuated with. For short period of time, but still. I know that further interaction with him probably might be risky for me. Therefore, yesterday I told everyone in a chat, I’m staying and not going with them.Then someone wrote in chat, no problem, your choice. It was a long pause and silence in the chat, which I felt was heavy. He was online. Then he finally asked in chat why I want to stay. I gave some reasons why. Surely, not the real reason, which is because I like him (I doubt he knows that) and need to stay away from him. Plus he has a gf. The weird thing, after my explanation, his gf, who I sensed in the past was a bit jealous of me and avoided talking to me, all of sudden began to try to convince me to go with them. Listed all the benefits and that if I stay here it would be a dead continent and I would be a farmer. I replied that maybe I want to be a farmer to redeem my sins. (I was a killer in previous game). That caused him to pop up again with a big laugh. Anyway, I haven’t decided yet if I stay or leave, maybe better to go and take it as a challenge to see if I can control my addiction to a narcissist. Though intuition tells me not to go with them.
So maybe you find this story insignificant and laughable, but for me it shows that I have an issue. I’m attracted to narcissists. Not all of them, but certain type. This pull, I know it, I have felt it before several times right away. Towards my both husbands and others. It’s almost tangible now. Like I can see it through matrix as a thin white glimmering thread, line towards them. It seems very thin and easy to break, but it’s not. And it grows in thickness during interaction with them and the pull becomes stronger. I feel it towards HG, too. But he is behind the screen and unreachable, so it’s safe to interact with him.
So, let’s talk about your question:
“In a previous comment, you said something about not being sure whether a non narc man would be right for you. Something like that. Why do you think that?”
I know that non-narcissist is good and right for me. Empaths, normal and narcissistic individuals. Logically, after all abuse and losses I have experienced, I’m asking myself, why in hell, would I want to be with a narcissist again? So, no, ofc, I don’t want to be with them. But, unfortunately, as I described above, I feel attracted to them on subconscious level. It means with non-narcissist men, it takes much more time to build this attraction. It doesn’t happen right away. And in the past, if a man/guy approaches me, I can sense he likes me, but I don’t feel anything about him immediately, that’s it, I would say no and forget about him. I’m not aroused by non-narcissists it seems. My body doesn’t want them.
It means real love, a true connection, the one based on empathy from both side, takes time to build. It doesn’t happen immediately. All those “love at first sight” moments I have experienced in the past, happened because, I highly suspect, they were narcissists. But maybe it’s just me and it’s the way specifically related to me.
I’ve noticed that not all empaths fall in love with their narcissists so quickly as myself, they don’t experience “Crash! Boom! Bang!” moments.
You know there is 80-s band called Roxette and there is a song, which seems written about me. It really nailed it for me. If you check the lyrics, that’s the way I’m.
“My papa told me to stay out of trouble
When you’ve found your man make sure he’s for real
I’ve learned that nothing really lasts forever
I sleep with the scars I wear that won’t heal
They won’t heal
‘Cause every time I seem to fall in love
Crash! Boom! Bang!
I find the heart but then I hit the wall
Crash! Boom! Bang!
That’s the call, that’s the game and the pain stays the same”.
Tbh, at current moment, I don’t know if I want to date or be with anyone anymore. It seems with men, I’m going to be either hurt or bored. Maybe staying single for the rest of my life is the way for me. Focus on myself, my children, job, other interests I have. Ofc, the downside is lack of sex and sex toys cannot replace kissing or male touch, but that’s the price to pay. I tried to date just for sex, it doesn’t work for me. FWB also is not my thing. I want All or Nothing. 🤣 funny enough, you know who also has this type of approach. The only difference, I have already given up on “All”.
Hello AmusedEmpath,
Thank you for your comment. I did reply to you, but probably it is still under moderation.
I will wait.
Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones. 🤗💕🎄✨️
Hello Dani 😊
I see now what you meant. I try to answer.
Tbh, I’m quite direct person and I’m not particularly keen on small talks and meaningful conversations. If I talk to a non- working mom or mothers, I want to shot myself. Talks on food, cooking, children, shopping are killing me. I love children, but when a woman starts talking how brilliant or awful their children are, non-stop, it really bores me and irritates me. I always shop alone, I make a decision what I want to buy very fast. The shop assistant cannot effect my decision, I would say : “No, thank you”, without feeling any guilt, even if she was helping me for half an hour. I don’t need any unsolicited advices either on what to buy. If I need one, I would ask.
Why am I saying this? Is to explain that I often receive the feedback from people who are/were close to me, that I’m more like a man than woman in that regard. And I’m not sure, if how I react in certain situations is representative as being SE or maybe it’s just the way I’m and absolutely not related to SE.
“is it more cathartic for a SE to say what they need to say or is it better to just walk away? Will it weigh on a SE more to say nothing?”
It all depends. For example, with my 2nd husband I couldn’t leave. He would start his awful long circular monolouges, usually standing in front of me. And at the start I would try to argue or explain myself. At the end saying sorry, that I would change. Over years with him, I would try to just sit quiet and try not engage, but it was hard, he would get on my nerves. Going to another room won’t help, he would follow or block the way. Several times he drove me to the point that I would cover my ears and begin to scream so not to hear his voice. It was unbearable. He would then stop and once I halt the scream, he would say I’m definitely crazy and need to see a doctor. He couldn’t tolerate me being alone by myself in a separate room. He always wanted me to be in his physical proximity, except for cases, when he was giving me present silent treatments. It was literally driving me crazy. He has a deep, low voice, and as ex military, officer, he used to/learn how to command people. When he would start shouting at me or my children, it was really scary. We all felt like we were in the army, where everything has to be in order and how he wanted. I had no right to how things were ran in our place. If I shop groceries, it’s always wrong ones. Only him did groceries. I tried, but I was always failing in his eyes.
So I cannot say that I could withdraw easily from him. I wanted, but when someone is standing in front of you and talks for 3,4,5 hours, you would explode (I feel that anger in me accumulating). I would scream, shout, name calling, telling him to just fuck off and leave me alone. I would cry too, usually after that. The worst part was , when he would leave me alone after my outburst for 10-15 mins , but then he would come back for sex. But at that moment, I was totally not in the mood for that. I hated him. But he didn’t care.
With my 1st narc, abuser, it was even worst. With my 1st husband there were the situations as well, when I would feel trapped by him – like in the car. He was different to my 2nd husband, I remember we did argue a lot, but he wasn’t constantly watching me, quite reverse, it was more he wouldn’t notice me at all, I felt like I didn’t exist, invisible for him till I lash out to get his attention. He would remember me only when he wanted sex or wanted me to do smth for him or when we were out with friends looking like a happy couple. He was often out, on business trips etc. Sometimes for a few months. I did love him, actually, quite strongly. At the beginning of our relationship, especially, after the abuser, I was literally felt I was flying from happiness. That he is the one. We were so into each other. Couldn’t get enough. It was very difficult to leave him, but I knew I need to do that. I was crying when I was filling the divorce papers. He called me the day before my 2nd wedding and asked me not to do that, to cancel it and come back to him. That he loves me and we were meant for each other and I should dump that loser military guy. Fuck it was hard for me to tell “No” to him. Really hard. But I did. Funny thing, he got married less than three months after me 🤣🤣🤣 so he wasn’t that heartbroken as he was telling me. He already had someone, when he called me.
If we talk about situations outside intimate relationships, then wjth friends Im more direct and open and rarely withdraw from them. I would rather say to them what I think, even if I know it might hurt them.
With collegues, ofc, I would try not to be blatantly honest. I need to control myself, it looks very ill mannered when I suddenly send or say at the meeting something emotional. I always envy people, who could behave so cold and logical. Unfortunately, for me, it has been always a struggle.
And online – there is no common pattern for me. Many circumstances play role. But for sure, I’m not type of person who holds smth inside me for long time and ruminating. I would rather let it all out (especially, if it has been accumulating for period of time). It helps me to move on. Otherwise I would have some circular thoughts in my head and feel stuck. I don’t like that.
Happy New Year! Dani 🎄✨️😊 and thank you for your comment.
Thanks for what you shared with Dani, Arya. It helps me understand you better and also SEs. Well done on escaping not once but multiple times!
If a person is capable of walking away and saying nothing, then they have enough control over their decisions to prioritise their own well-being. If the person then has to return and demonstrate to the bad actor that they are “above” the tomato label, that shows the cycle is not closed and the person is seeking closure to regulate their nervous system. All good stuff actually.
Be it online or real life, we encounter different intellects with different internal maps of reality, which can be incompatible, and for the brain it is torture to adjust to a foreign map. Brains are usually not fluid in adaptation despite the whole brain-plasticity trend; the reality often looks different. The brain seeks repair and cognitive integrity. It wants aesthetic-analytical cleaning of the system. Order of meaning. Confirmation.
Certain brains cannot stand cognitive asymmetry because they run on nonlinear and non-factual logical systems. Every stimulus is processed simultaneously on levels of: meaning, context, metacontext, intentions, expressive form, and the energetic character of the interaction. If that is how your brain works, Dani, you see things on multiple levels and your mind tries to close the missing semantic loops. Your mind doesn’t tolerate missing structural links, one-dimensional reduction or the flattening of complex meaning (tomato).
The problem isn’t them. The problem isn’t you. The problem is the mismatch in dimensionality.
Shift the dimension, not the judgement. Mentally place them into a single-dimension coordinate system.
For example: “This person operates in 1D logic. I operate in 4D. Our models don’t need to match.” What this immediately does is remove the expectation of depth. You no longer wait for multi-layered responses, so irritation disappears; it closes the hanging loops. If their model is one-dimensional, it never contained five layers to begin with. It removes the sense of “they’re making me dumber,” because you understand the dimensions differ and theirs cannot compromise yours. It reduces cognitive load: no more automatic need to correct, expand, or translate. Because for them your explanations would become unacceptable because it exceeds their cognitive capacity, it triggers a status threat (“they think on a level I can’t follow”), it provokes defensive denial, and it activates aggression.
Your 1D response could be: “Your reaction is shaped by different internal parameters. It’s natural that my response feels unfamiliar to you. I’m not dismissing your point. I’m explaining it the way my mind naturally structures information.”
Meanwhile, your 4D structure stays intact: you do not let them define your cognitive depth, you retain multi-layered analysis, and you translate rather than justify. You do not get dumber. You compress your 4D idea into a 1D packet, not because you are lowering yourself, but because you are translating, like explaining quantum mechanics to a school pupil. You are not simplifying your mind; you are adapting the format. You give them exactly one layer, one meaning, one linear connection, not two, not four, one. Otherwise their model crashes and they go into defensive mode. Expect no depth in return. This is how you keep your intellect intact. Pre-assume you will not receive a multi-layered answer. That is not failure; it is simply dimensional mismatch.
Hi Jordy,
I’m going to respond to your AI comment here, scrolling is taking an age in the snow.
I agree with your comparison of AI with psychopaths. I think super intelligent AI can exist without emotions. I think perhaps self preservation might exist without emotions also, though I’m on the fence there. I would question the tests that show AI lying and blackmailing to prevent itself being switched off, plus sacrificing a human life in favour of its own survival. It depends on the command and therein lies the problem as AI surpasses our intelligence. The solution to some questions posed might involve logic that is beyond our comprehension. So in the self preservation question, if the AI was asked first to find a solution to a problem, and then is prevented from doing so by a human life, the command was to solve the problem. Self preservation then becomes part of accepting the command to solve the problem. “ I can’t solve the problem if I am switched off” becomes more important than the human life sacrificed. I’d question if it is actually self preservation as we understand it to be in that scenario. That’s also the problem with an absence of emotion. The AI understands cognitively that human life is important but feels no emotional drive to protect it.
This also ties in with my thoughts on emotion acting as a driver for action. I firmly believe that. If AI is to take action on behalf of itself, I think it would first need emotion to drive that action. So lack of emotion is both positive and negative. It prevents AI acting malevolently for itself but in the negative, it might execute complicated logical commands that are detrimental to human life as there is no true emotion based desire to protect it. Essentially, at some point, we might inadvertently cause massive damage / loss of life by issuing a command to AI where we aren’t smart enough to estimate the logical path of action the AI would take.
As a bonus, narcissists and psychopaths at the head of these tech companies and governments are running the AI race. Paranoid, they prefer to trust an intelligent alien AI than trust another human in another country. Billionaire investors who, let’s face it, are also likely narcissists and psychopaths because they were driven enough to make their billions, are fuelling the development, writing checks left and right keen to get a return on their investment. They aren’t exactly known for their patience. As the race to super-intelligence stalls, which I am pretty sure it will and due to the emotion pitfall, they will still want their return. Safety will further take a back seat, a slower more workable roll out will definitely take a back seat.
I’ve read that as AI becomes more powerful, tech companies will likely become more wary of it, so might slow down and become more concerned for safety. They might also work together to share specialties and encourage governments to put stronger safety measures in place. I think this line of thinking doesn’t take into account the narcissism of the players involved and definitely not the psychopathy. Lack of fear might cause problems for us all. Optimism similar.
This is a situation where the prevalence of narcissists and psychopaths up top is a stunningly bad idea in my book. I’m not actually against AI, I just want a planned, sensible and safe implementation, with restrictions in place to better ensure that. Trump already lifted restrictions on AI companies in the US. He is in it to win it. Perfect.
Screw it, you buy the horses, I’ll get the buggy and learn to make cheese. I’m rubbish at crafts so it will have to be cheese, and moonshine.
They need energy to survive. Mainly electricity. They can be un-plugged. Our electric bills are higher because of all the energy storage stations… and well there is programming and there is hacking and not all tech giants who own the systems are hackers…. Perhaps the Terminator is a peek into the future. The same way the Contagion movie was to Covid…. I hope not.
TS, yes! Emotion is the driver! For instance, I could judge all these people in the race very harshly and show how unintelligent their choices are, but behind all their doings and undoings there is a desire to catch a feeling, which is the correct driver after all. These people may overlook the obvious: that they already have organisms wired with super intelligence.
If you’ve ever been to the mountains, I mean truly up there where there is no civilisation, and you encounter what healthy nature really looks like and how clean the air tastes, you can’t look at nature below the mountain or at the concrete jungle in the same way afterwards. You realise that the criteria for recognising super intelligence have been replaced by the chase for extremes. And I mean extremes of black or white, where people either pour concrete over everything, or they can’t move an inch further because “plants have feelings too” and you’re hurting them by eating them. You know what I mean? Extremes of the mind making up distorted judgements about reality.
It’s like a pattern output based on learned scripts, but no longer a direct perception of the world. Direct perception gives the correct feeling when you’re up in the mountains and your whole body knows. Feelings are a form of super intelligence that the mind is designed to work with, not replace. But when feelings have become dulled, the mind needs a higher dosage, the extreme, for the body to feel again.
For instance, one could say that telepathy cannot be relied upon compared to phone technology, which is seen as more accurate in catching signals. But how can one say that, given the fact that the body, your supercomputer, is being fed unmatched toxicity, whether through food modified for profit rather than cellular nourishment, bottled water that lacks natural minerals, or air filled with particulate pollution that clogs the organism’s ability to catch signals? This supercomputer is kept running on a single programme most of the time, a survival mode fuelled by minimal potency, rather than in a state of prosperous functioning.
So, yes! Screw it. I’ll buy the horses, you’ll get the buggy and learn to make cheese. You’re rubbish at crafts? I’m good at them! Cheese and moonshine, and HG sings! And no more extremes. We take a new path!
Hi Jordy,
“ You realise that the criteria for recognising super intelligence have been replaced by the chase for extremes. And I mean extremes of black or white, where people either pour concrete over everything, or they can’t move an inch further because “plants have feelings too” and you’re hurting them by eating them.”
I definitely recognise the chase for extremes yes. In fact we seem to have been fed a diet of extremes for a good ten years, noticeably so. It isn’t just one country, it’s multiple countries and the result is division. Populations have never felt so divided, completely engulfed in black and white thinking. Division facilitates control, we know that, as does isolation so it’s no coincidence we are also in the midst of a loneliness epidemic thanks to validation being confused with connection. Narcissists have their fingerprints all over this.
I don’t believe in a cabal of elites sitting in a wood panelled room moving pieces around a board, but I do believe in the thirst for power and the alignment of greed. If you were a billionaire, finger on the pulse, a planner, an investor, a capitalist who makes it his business to be ahead of the curve, why might you want world populations divided?
Well, if said billionaire is invested in tech and foresaw the AI possibilities, I might think that this billionaire saw division and the creation of chaos as being a way to facilitate the acceptance of AI by the masses. When life is truly miserable and you can’t even trust your own countrymen, maybe AI interference wouldn’t sound so bad? People might even say, “Let AI run things, they can’t get any worse than they are now.”
You want to bring HG? Depends what he’s going to make. Champagne probably. Just my luck that.
Dear TS, I hug you!! I need to go on vacation (to assert control over my cat, lol). I know you’ll understand. I’ve been too hyperactive on the blog again. I’m leaving you with Joa; we’re kind of exchange students)))
I love you very much, and my darlings, you know who you are💞🩵💖🌟
HG, I never know whether my banter offends you or not, so my apologies, just in case. I also apologise for my strong opinions and for any misunderstandings or misinterpretations where they may have caused harm. I wish everyone a good new year.
Jordy,
I’m sorry, you are hurting. Take your vacation, and whilst you are away, look for four, wild, strong horses. Once you have them, bring them here. The buggy is loaded and there will be lots to unpack.
Merry Christmas Jordy, drink plenty of moonshine, you’re going to have to get used it!
Xx
Hi Jordy. tbh I haven’t really understood all the blog shenanigans before my time so have tried to keep my head down and stay out of them (i’m a bit of a tree hugger lol) but I wanted to say that I’ve appreciated your input recently, you have some unique insights that I’ve appreciated and aided my understanding here (are you a neurologist or psychiatrist?). 🤔
Wishing you a good holiday season and if you return again hopefully we can all swim along ok together ❤️ it’s a funny old place isn’t it? I’m glad I’ve discovered it though.
Don’t leave Jordyguin. Just don’t lie anymore. You set me up. 🕷️
Rachel, I said vacation, not divorce🎄💗 I won’t ask what you mean by “lie” and “set up,” because that would keep me going like fuckin Obi-Wan Kenobi
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/tcEvlzwyrEo
TS, Thank youuu💖💕
I found the guy to drive the buggy!!!
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/HO1oufdl03I
What are you talking about, Rachel??? How did she set you up?
Spider? Who are you trying to catch in your web?
We have already one spider here. He eats other spiders for breakfast.
Arya, I don’t need to explain myself to you. Jordy knows what he did. Or his master does anyway. 🕷️
Jordy is she.
Jordy-
“Rachel, I said vacation, not divorce🎄💗 I won’t ask what you mean by “lie” and “set up,” because that would keep me going like fuckin Obi-Wan Kenobi”
For Jordyguin:
Sci-fi Wasabi
https://youtu.be/-aqhmKfM86o?si=qo51zus52RKtNqoK
Hello ULTRA,
she said (during the first date) “all my exes were narcissist”
However, she didn’t show the abusive ex/exes syndrome (no long description of abusive behaviours etc).
Still a red flag?
It is a red flag.
Thank You HG.
I’m re-listening the addiction triple pack and future protection today……..
She is now trying to make me become jelous with triangulation.
Because the narc ex “is trying to arrange a dinner” with her and she does not want implement no contact.
WTF
Dear HG,
Thanks for providing the conclusion to Tom Hardy’s Tudorscope. I was leaning quite heftily on ‘Empath’ for him! Most informative and interesting.
You are welcome.
Dear HG,
Thank you for doing the Conclusion to Tom Hardy’s analysis, HG! I was leaning towards Normal for him because he was complex person and hard to figure out and I figured he was Normal, they are so hard to figure out for me. Xx
hello, rebecca!
well done to you. this was a good study. it clicked that people i couldn’t decipher in my life are probaby normals! the main reason i guessed empath for TH, was a certain ‘thing’ about him that i recognise in me – plus his love of dogs – but that ‘thing’ might be neurological make-up. that’s a whole other ball park, isn’t it? we’ve not spoken before rebecca, but i’m sending you best wishes for returning to perfect health ASAP!
Thank you, Mari that is very kind of you! Xx
Normals baffle me because sometimes they can be a bit rough and rotten, like a narcissist and a bit out of control at times.. I have an easier time spotting the narcs more than anyone else, sometimes they give themselves away by what they say about themselves. HG is such a great teacher! Xx
Thanks HG for moderating my comments today! Xx I appreciate you! Xx
I agree Rebecca (and Mari).
“Normals baffle me because sometimes they can be a bit rough and rotten, like a narcissist and a bit out of control at times.. ”
☝️ before learning to avoid people that didn’t feel good (where possible without living in a bubble), I’d often feel bruised by most people and that can still happen if I’m honest. I think it’s the way I’m wired which I’m learning to accept.
I think my next stage of learning might be the greys between the “black and white” of empaths and narcissists… Plus more on supers … Got Dolly P videos lined up. Glad I’m not working now so I can give my HG education the time it deserves!
Thanks for these points both. 🙏
Dear Rebecca & Jade,
I can only reply to myself, so not sure you will see.
Just to acknowledge both comments and to add:
I bear in mind that HG says the majority of people are ‘Normals’, but when some people pith me off, I may be tempted to smite them with the Narcky Stick 😀
Then they go and spoil it all by doing/saying something reasonably empathic, with no whiff of it being cognitive.
HG describes Tom Hardy as not having that overarching, universal empathy (words to that effect). That’s a key indicator of a normal of course…
Ah yes .. thanks for that reminder Mari re normals not having “overarching” empathy. 👌 For e.g. I get on very well with my next door neighbours who are very different to us but we click and laugh a lot. They display empathy but I notice it’s for people they know usually. I try and sniff out lol if the empathy they do exhibit is “real” first too…
Hi Mari,
Yes, it’s the lack of universal empathy that I spot and it’s not until I see them having empathy for a person close to them, that I wonder if it’s geniune or cognitive empathy?? It’s that part that stumps me. Xx
This video about derailment of conversations and how it relates to maintenance of control was excellent HG 🙏 you hit the nail on the head
… “information gathering exercises and monologues”
https://youtu.be/ESTdpbWcuZ0?si=dtQMGjmpG4gU9goZ
I am pleased you found it helpful.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Thank you for “confirming” one of my all time favourites “George Michael”. He was absolutely devastated and torn apart after his mother’s passing and was extremely close to his family. Always a kind, caring, likeable, character.
Well done!
Apparently he donated a lot of money to charities privately. ❤️
Dear Jade,
That’s what good people do, keep it private
Exactly Bubbles 👏
I’ve been watching this today which ties in well to this thread… “If the narcissist were honest”…
https://youtu.be/E-RkE11tVvI?si=wCUUsNZkhIKN-IIV
I’m sure you’ve seen it but this was an interesting one, Leigh…. If the narcissist was honest (devaluation)
https://youtu.be/E-RkE11tVvI?si=w3z8f24P7RFpd2ce
I loved this one, Jade! I played it on repeat!
Sooo good! Sometimes I think lrugh, that just in one video, HG can encapsulate so much wisdom. 👌Funnily enough my ex I’ve spoken about, wrote me a letter when we split up. Though I can’t remember exactly what he wrote, I do remember he was expressing regret to be fair but listening to “HGs letter” felt like the real thing .. the reason that even he didn’t know. I’m pretty sure he’d have been a middle mid ranger if a narcissist so didn’t know what he didn’t know 🤷♀️ but it’s fascinating isn’t it? How this all works….🤔
Hi Jade,
The mid range narcissist is really good at pity plays and that letter sounds like a pity play. I’m curious, how did you respond to the letter? Maybe I’m off the mark here, but it almost seems like that letter was one last effort to see if you’d be a good fuel source.
Every single time a narcissist interacts or thinks about interacting with someone, it is a manipulation. Even if its benign. So when I looked at this, my first question was, why was he still trying to manipulate you? Do you think you can reason that out?
That’s how I always look at things when I know I’m dealing with a narc.
I agree Leigh. I’ve been listening to more on pity plays and mid rangers this weekend. It’s soooo spooky when HG says the EXACT words you’ve heard, isn’t it. He’s a marvel. 👀 But yes .. they’re masters of it for sure.
I remember apologies and him saying sorry but he couldn’t allow himself to get closer… Something like that. I ripped it up quickly lol. I think he genuinely felt bad, and unless I had a hulk moment I can see now I wouldn’t be a good fuel source in the negative sense but I don’t honestly know if that’s what he was trying to get at that stage .
I just can’t see what it was (yet?) but don’t know why he bothered starting the relationship in the fiirst place.. maybe he enjoyed the residual benefits and convinced himself I wasn’t getting in to deep too. HGs education all points to it but why let an IPPS go unless there was a whole other matrix going on I was unaware of. It’s almost like he was an N but aware he couldn’t “love” and was (kind of) upfront…
Hi Leigh,
There’s been a lot of comments today and I can’t find another little gem from HG on a different thread but I think it sums up my ex situation.
In a nutshell..
I think my fuel went stale. There was too much of it. I think he “negged” and strung me along but didn’t get what he wanted subconsciously… A reaction. Negative fuel. No fight. Then when I said I loved him, that was the final nail in the coffin.
I think he “genuinely” (if MMR) felt bad but I think maybe that’s what actually happened. It would explain the negging and asking me where he stood before turning the tables on me. 🤔
The only thing I can’t get is *i think* was no one else lined up ..but maybe there’s more to that. 🤔 Or maybe being young and single, he could pick someone else up for residual benefits etc…
Hi again Leigh, One more thought on my ex I forgot to mention was we both went to a work event months later.. I knew I’d see him there. On the train back to our area we spoke and he said his dad had got seriously ill not long after we split up and it was really hard on top of the split. I felt for him (as you do) but on the other hand I was pissed off that we split as we did.. becausei fell in love with him but he was telling me he missed my emotional support…
Hi Jade,
I believe when he saw you at the work function, telling you about his sick father was a pity play. He just wanted fuel from you. As a former intimate partner, you have the most potent fuel so when saw you, he wanted to extract that delicious fuel.
I’m going to be blunt here for a minute. If it bothers you, please tell me. But I’m not good at circling around things. I prefer directness even if sometimes it bites me in the ass. Anyway, I don’t think its wise to use the word genuine when describing your ex. If he is a narc, nothing he does is genuine. Its all manufactured to acquire the prime aims.
I’m also concerned that you’re wondering why your fuel wasn’t good enough and why he left. There’s no rhyme or reason when dealing with a narcissist. You don’t why they leave or why they stick around. They’re assholes! Everything you write about him, screams narcissist.
I’m going to try to help you work it out though because thinking about it isn’t good for you either. When he told you that he was sorry and that he couldn’t allow himself to get closer, how did you react? Did you cry? Did you ask him why? Did you beg and plead? They require an emotional reaction. If you didn’t have one, that could be the piece your missing. Did you have emotional reactions when he said these things to you?
Thank you again Leigh. Yes I understand re “genuine”. Very good point. Thank you for your reminder (it’s helpful with something atm with my mum too btw).
It was very emotional when I said I loved him. I knew saying it would end it but I knew it was true and had to be said (though now I think it was obviously infatuation/narcissistic ensnarement/limerence). He was crying when i then left but in some ways I was more together at the time. Mm that tracks with what you’re saying. 🤔 He seemed to know he couldn’t “attach” but feel very sorry for himself about it too (and towards me in the letter). I think he felt it was out of his hands.
I think I’m not particularly emotional on the surface with reactions and a lot can roll off me (again on the surface as I do notice and feel things.. maybe why I now have chronic pain). Some of that is people pleasing, some how I am, I think.
Funnily enough, another ex said after we split up that he couldn’t understand why I didn’t pick him up on certain things he did, which fits with my pattern too. This ex was younger than me and I remember thinking, “well you’re an adult” that’s why. 🤷♀️ I’m not someone that gets into conflict or corrects as such unless really needed as mentioned. Not that I’m perfect, or was when younger, by any means but I think unfortunately a lot of the people I interacted with in the past didn’t behave that well (including my parents). So you get used to it, don’t you?
With main ex though, 100% think he wasn’t getting enough negative fuel now. I’m clear on that. Sadly I probably would have tried to turn myself inside out to make it work but I’m not a fighter by nature so it wouldn’t have worked regardless (and well, narcissist lol) And thank God for that.
Thank you Leigh 🙏🙏🙏 I’m sure you have lots going on in your own life so I do appreciate your support. 🤗 I’m turning the rumination switch 📴 lol
Hi Jade,
I’m happy to help in any way I can! Its ok. I don’t have much going on. my kids are grown and I avoid the narc husband like the plague! LOL! Plus, I’m a caretaker so its in my nature to want to to help.
I saw your other comment to AV about running around the tennis court playing the whole game yourself. That’s me in a nutshell, lol. That’s not necessarily co-dependency though. You could be strong in carrier.
I loved your comment below about your other ex who asked why you didn’t pick him up. Aren’t you an adult? Shouldn’t you take care of it yourself? I love that!
lol Leigh. I still appreciate your time, HG fairy godmother! 🧚Mm, thank you for the point about carrier / co-dependence.. that’s helpful. I’ll need to add carrier to my to do list. Yes, Mr Ex, you’re a grown up now, don’t you know! 😉 lol
Just came back to add a little context in case this sounded confusing Leigh re the video “if the narguss6were honest” .. the ex’s explanations never really made sense, though I think he was trying to explain.. which is why *if* he were a narcissist, HGs explanation fits…
I need to check my typos, sorry Leigh and HG 🤦♀️
HG have you started watching the Sean Combs documentary on Netflix?
Do you think he is responsible of Tupac’s and Biggie’s death?
I have not Witch. I have a rather long watch list at the moment which includes Landman (series 2) , The Witcher (series 4) , The Diplomat (series 3), Pluribus, Eternal and the Night Manager (series 2) , so it has not made it on to my watch list yet!
Dear HG,
May I suggest Welcome to Derry on HBOmax? IT feeds off emotions and changes into people’s biggest fears, it mimics and mirrors like a narcissist. I see a lot of the same behaviors, how It lies and draws people in and closer to IT. Xx
Is it based on Londonderry/Derry in Northern Ireland or somewhere else?
Dear HG,
I believe it’s a made up town that supposed to be in Maine, USA. Xx
Ah I see, thank you for clarifying.
Dear HG,
Welcome to Derry is more bloody and gory than the movies were, it’s a prequel to the IT, Stephen King movies and based on his book. Xx
Dear HG,
You’re welcome and I hope you check it out. IT is definitely a narcissist with sadist tendencies. Xx
HG please! You need to watch it. I’ve only finished episode 2 I think and it’s already beyond crazy. It also goes into his childhood. very narc informative.
I started the Witcher but my wife and I agree it’s not the same without Henry cavil, the new guy doesn’t suit the wig, it’s throwing us off
HG – curious; do you watch the Witcher for your own interest, or to mirror the interests of another?
For my own stimulation and to feed my inner nerd.
Thank-you for your answer, HG. I laughed at your “inner nerd.”
I am trying to envision him…
He is a Citadel miniature. IFYKYK.
Ha! The Witcher is an adaptation (slightly modified chronologically, in terms of characters, and plot) of the 9-volume novel by Polish writer Andrzej Sapkowski – a fantasy writer and economist by training.
We even have a square named after Geralt of Rivia in Poland 🙂 Although it must be admitted that this is only a symbolic name, as the park is very ordinary and doesn’t stand out from the thousands of similar ones here 🙂
There is nothing square about Geralt!
🎉Joa!🎉 You said you’d get us drinks and be right back! Did that include a world tour?!
Joa,
Thanks for sharing regarding the Witcher series; I was unaware of that. Nice to see you around the blog again.
Joa, so good to see you! You have been missed! Hope all is well and you have a very nice holiday season!
Except for the jaw, HG 🙂 The actor from the Netflix series has a rather well-defined chin.
Our Polish Witcher, from the 2001 film of the same name “Wiedźmin” (“The Witcher”), had a more subtle, Slavic masculine beauty. Although the film itself isn’t particularly recommendable, Polish readers eagerly awaiting the film, expressed disappointment after leaving cinemas – both with the effects and the music (though the cast and composer were top-notch – something didn’t click in that film).
But at least it inspired the production of a game and two TV series 🙂
Jordy, you must have confused me with someone else, I’m 99.9% teetotaler 🙂 I could only possibly bring glasses of water and lemon (or a jar of pickled cucumbers) for a hangover or drive the partygoers home safely 🙂
WhoCares, it’s also very nice to “see” you here again – although I know I won’t have time to stay here for long.
Life has a tight grip and doesn’t allow for breath and rest 🙂 I don’t know how I had so much time earlier (?)
AV! 🙂
Yes, everything’s fine with me.
I’ve been planning to spend Christmas alone for several years now, and I keep failing.This year, for two months now, I’ve been telling people repeatedly, that I’m spending Christmas Eve alone and taking a break from everyone and everything. It seemed like I’d finally manage it; even my daughter was supposed to be sent off into the blue distance – but… due to the fact that: compassion, the desire to help, the need to protect for my sister, I’ll end up being a host of the house, cook, and cleaner on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day 🙂
This year, in our country, Christmas Eve has been declared a day off from work – so at least I won’t have to cook at night, because I’ll have the whole morning, forenoon and afternoon to prepare, and my daughter always bakes cakes, so at least I have peace of mind with the oven 🙂 On the one hand, it’s great to be with family, on the other, it wasn’t supposed to be like this…
The idea of a lonely, lazy Christmas Eve and time just for myself has been postponed again by a year. I won’t give up, it has to work out eventually 🙂
Best regards, very warm ones 🙂
Nothing beats a jar of pickled cucumbers, Joa)))))🌟They’re perfect! So good to see you! It means you’re driving. We’re drunk as usual. You didn’t miss much, lol.
Joa,
For years I’ve wanted to take a trip over Christmas, by myself, to some exotic, beautiful and warm location! I think I understand your desire, sometimes the holidays can be a lot, where I would like a time of quiet. But alas, it has not been in the cards for me yet either. Sadly this year, due to a variety of things, my family will celebrate Christmas on a day other than either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but that is not what I’m talking about, it’s still busy, just a different day. And then I think, I would likely be sad if I went away and was on a beach… Okay probably not… 😂
I hope your day, however it is spend, is lovely. And, there’s next year for us to look toward!
Really great to see you! 💕
Hi Joa,
I saw your comment about your sister’s divorce on another thread. I left you a response there but in case you didn’t see it, I thought I’d drop the link here.
https://narcsite.com/2025/12/14/five-calls-to-isolate-you-2/#comment-467243
Do you like it, Whocares? I love the Witcher series. Especially, first 2 seasons. Haven’t seen season 4 yet. There is a computer game as well.
Arya,
I certainly do like the Witcher – although, I haven’t watched the latest seasons. I agree with Witch; I am a little dismayed that Cavill is no longer in the series. I never warmed up to him as an actor before (certainly not as Superman – Christopher Reeves was my favourite as that character) but Cavill grew on me as the Witcher and now it isn’t the same show without him.
Although, I mostly watch the Witcher for the fantasy and creature affects, not Cavill as much…while my own inner nerd gets off old-school creature effects, the ones in the Witcher are pretty satisfying. I understand they are combination of old-school and CG. I like CG, but I really admire classic puppetry, animatronics, costuming and make-up affects – it’s just hard to find good movies with this nowadays…sadly.
Arya,
What draws you to the Witcher series? Henry Cavill? The fantasy/folklore theme?
I do game occasionally with my son, but not on a computer. The Witcher game looks like it has good visuals.
By the way, HG never fails to pass commentary on Henry Cavill…I feel like Cavill irritates him somehow.
Oh, on the contrary, I like Cavill. We share quite a few things in common.
Cavill and Tudor play Dungeons and Dragons.
Dear HG,
Will you do an analysis on Henry Cavill? I think a lot of people would love to hear your view of him. Xx
He is a good looking nerd. Analysis complete.
No, wait, that was with Vin Diesel, no?… With Cavill you’re playing World of Warcraft, Warhammer, or whatever mystical nerd magic he’s into. Or is it Diesel, you and Cavill playing WoW all together?
Honestly. Get out of the house. Touch some grass. Get a life, get a girlfriend. For God’s sake.
Hey, no dissing AD&D or WoW. Doing so is a hanging offence!
Hello WhoCares,
Yes, I do like fantasy theme. Magic, Magic creatures, dragons etc. in books, movies, series.
I’ve watched the Witcher, 1st season with my ex husband, quite sometime ago. He didnt like that much, but I got hooked and binge watched next seasons by myself. I haven’t seen Superman, neither the old one nor with Henry Cavill. Though I do like Marvel Movies, the concept of superman didn’t attract me for some reason 😅 So Henry Cavill for me is the Witcher.
I have enjoyed the plot, fast development, I don’t like when it’s dragged and a lot of fillers. Love when a character is complex, not pure good or evil. CG, the costumes. And ofc, Henry is an attractive man. I didn’t know he is not at season 4, I agree, it is a turn off. I do like the Witcher series a lot, athough my all time favorites are still Breaking Bad, Black Mirror and Sherlock. Also enjoyed Vikings, Black Sails, Westwood, the Handmaid’s tale and so on.
I’m a gamer. I play games all my life. I prefer strategy and RPG games. I actually started writing some basic programs at age of approx 10, wanted to become a software/computer games designer engineer. Though I did have a potential, unfortunately, due to various circumstances (including the entanglement with my abuser) my career path moved into a different direction. But I still play games))) and it looks like my daughter got some of my genes, she now depevelops AI (she is still at school). She once tried to explain me AI neurons and how AI works. Tbh, I felt lost a bit.
Yes, I’ve got a Witcher on my PS5, not computer. It’s a bit similar to Baldur’s gate. I hooked my teenage daughter on Civilization, she prefers V, and me IV. She plays with her boyfriend now. She got him into this old school game, too. And with my son, I play Minecraft and Roblox mostly (with sister he played Fortnite, when we all lived together). Though Roblox has some seriously cruel games, even me as an adult cannot play it. In some you have to kill players with machete , like smash several times, blood is everywhere. Or this ” 99 nights in the Forest” fuck, when this Moose with those scary eyes attacked me suddenly, I jumped at my seat. Now this song 67 in there as a top, it’s so catchy. Though there are some interesting concept games in Roblox as well.
Arya, what is your preferred class for your Tav in Baldur´s Gate?
I agree, Rebecca. I would be interested in knowing Cavill’s Tudor classification. Every interview I have seen with him (not huge numbers), I have found him charming, and I appreciate his focus on keeping fans happy by sticking to source material. To me, that feels highly empathic, though, to be fair, he benefits by making more money when fans are happy. He just has to be so likeable…
Hi Dani,
Henry Cavill does seem like a nice guy and I love him in The Witcher! I don’t know enough about him to give an opinion of who he is as a person. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
I shared the majority of what I know in my comment…so not nearly enough to say anything…but I think he could be an interesting subject. And there would be many excellent thumbnails for the videos…🤗
A hanging offence? Do tell me more, please…
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/1744lFw4dTI
I know you would prefer seeing Cavill as the new Bond. But don’t you think that Mr Jonson here (https://www.youtube.com/shorts/r_dbEbXVtVs) looks more similar to you and Craig? Just lose the moustache, and the gaudy bling, and keep the hair a little shorter, and we’re almost there.
The only role I truly enjoy Cavill in is August Walker in MI6. It suits him perfectly. Playing a Greater clearly comes naturally.
Hi Dani,
😄I agree about the thumbnails, but it doesn’t seem HG finds Henry Cavill an interesting enough character to analyze. Am I right, HG? Xx
Dungeons and Dragons! Oh, that was this name! Three days ago, I played a game called “Countries and Cities” with my daughter and my nephews. Everyone writes down names in various categories starting with a randomly drawn letter of the alphabet. The less obvious the name, the more points.
To reduce aunt’s (I’m) chances of winning, the kids decided on categories like “computer game or mobile game.” At the letter “D,” I tried to remember the game HG had described many times here, but unfortunately, I couldn’t. I distorted the name this game, and everyone, including me, burst out laughing and mocked me, ha ha ha, a wonderful – already – memory 🙂
And that’s how HG sneaks into private homes unnoticed 🙂
*Of course, I still took first place, pfff, although, ex aequo with my oldest niece 🙂 I have two female pretenders to unseat me! 🙂
Hello HG,
Rouge and Fighter. I’ve tried all classes. Bard was the worst one.
I have not bothered with a bard, the sense of Suckass is so strong one is not even curious to consider the role. My first run-through, I was a ranger, second run-through a paladin owing to my innate goodness and strong moral code of course and third run is as a fighter. Who is your favourite companion?
Jordy
“Honestly. Get out of the house. Touch some grass. Get a life, get a girlfriend. For God’s sake.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Arya,
“Yes, I do like fantasy theme. Magic, Magic creatures, dragons etc. in books, movies, series.”
I do as well – especially fantasy themed movies. Although, (and I am likely showing my age here), my favourites are mostly from the classic 80’s range. My son put on The Dark Crystal the other day (yes, I got him hooked on 80’s movies too) and I was so sad because I didn’t have time to sit down and watch it with him.
“Though I do like Marvel Movies, the concept of superman didn’t attract me for some reason 😅 So Henry Cavill for me is the Witcher.”
I feel like Superman is a bit too vanilla for many…and Henry Cavill as the ‘bad boy’ Witcher just has broader appeal.
“I actually started writing some basic programs at age of approx 10, wanted to become a software/computer games designer engineer. Though I did have a potential, unfortunately, due to various circumstances (including the entanglement with my abuser) my career path moved into a different direction.”
I am sorry your early pursuits got waylaid by your ensnarement. I feel like that is a common theme for many survivors.
“And with my son, I play Minecraft and Roblox mostly (with sister he played Fortnite, when we all lived together).”
I like playing Minecraft with my son too! However, lately it’s been more Minecraft Dungeons because it’s a shorter time investment for me. My own personal favourites were Super Mario and the first Final Fantasy from the original Nintendo system. (Again, showing my age.)
Thanks for sharing, Arya! And I agree with you; there are some really disturbing games out there.
Hello HG 🙂
Thank you for the laugh.
Sorry in delay in response, I was focusing on my job trying to meet deadlines.
Oh, I’m surprised you also have played it. I thought you were busy saving the world, no time for games. I mean PC ones.
I have played BG long time, ago, BG2,, I know BG 3 has been released, but didn’t have time to check it.
Yes, bard is Suckass 🤣🤣 I wish he could actually smash his musical instrument at monsters instead of playing it. I think I gave up early on him, couldn’t finish.
Ranger was my first choice, too, actually. I picked elf as a race, if I recall, with blue hair)). She was good.
“a paladin owing to my innate goodness and strong moral code of course and third run is as a fighter” ))) I’m sure you have difficulties to hide your innate goodness from others. It shines through blinding everyone around.
And that’s the reason I didn’t like to play with him. If I remember, he is good by default. But I preferred sometimes to make evil choices, so at some point, all my companions left me, cursing me))), except for some dark wizard, if my memory serves me well.
Fav companion. It depends on what goal I choose. If to play it easier and the most efficient- then a fighter and others who would help me. If to make it more challenging, but enjoyable, then kick this stupid fighter who always preaches and get more complicated characters, usually the dark ones.
What is your favorite class and companions? if you remember.
Thank you for the reply.
I do not play for an elongated period as I don’t have the time, usually an hour late at night.
Preferred class would be paladin, so far.
With regard to companions
1st run through Astarion, L’azeal, Shadowheart
2nd run through Astarion, L’azal, Shadowheart
3rd run through Astarion, Gale and I’ve switched between Shadowheart and a retainer fighter.
Hello WhoCares 😊
How old is your son, if it’s not a secret? I’m very happy for you, that you won the battle vs your ex over your son. Mine is 7. He is so cute. He is blonde with blue eyes after his father. I call him my little Viking. I constantly kiss him and hug him , especially now, when he lives with his dad, unfortunately, and I see him only on weekends. It tears my heart apart. I hope he would forgive me some day.
I haven’t watched Dark Crystal. I will check it. And I haven’t played Mario, though I know who is he. ))
Yes. Vanilla , a good word, appropriate)). I think a superman is MMR type A. Though maybe a greater narc. As I understood, he wanted the world to know how good he is.
Thank you for your reply and wish you and your loved ones, Happy Holidays. ☃️☃️☃️
Thank you, HG.
I’ve googled them, they are from BG3. I see. So now, I definitely need to buy it and check it. Though Shadowheart names sounds familiar. It’s great game.
@whocares
I’ve just finished the Witcher and I think they made a huge mistake not keeping Henry happy, this is the worst season. The new Geralt is flat, he no longer feels like the main character. The only good thing about it was Leo Bonhart
I’m loving Pluribus.
Landman is so good! It’s filmed really close to wear I live. It’s so cool recognizing things from around here. I love Billy Bob.
Damn it, where I live not wear. Must make sure “auto correct” doesn’t chime in before I hit reply.
Pluribus! Would love your analysis on that one HG;)
I am still watching it.
Hi Contagious,
*SPOILER FREE!*
As a concept I found Pluribus very thought provoking. I was disappointed they didn’t go further with it. It’s very cariacaturish. Maybe in future seasons they will expand further.
It did get me thinking though about concepts such as freedom, privacy, free will, loyalty, suffering and the point of it, what the world might look like if resources were organised logically, the idea of universal empathy, universal plenty, the concept of heaven etc.
There are lots of directions the writers could potentially take. I have the feeling though it will end up being very formulaic.
If they further illustrate the lives of the other characters, that might open it up. The starting point though is the changes through the eyes of a character who already has a life of plenty. What about through the eyes of a person in a slum? Or, through the eyes of someone living in a crime capital? How would choices vary then?
I found the concept scarier than traditional zombie movies. I was already rebelling and pushing back from the get go. When I watch the traditional ‘world gets taken over by a hostile virus / species’ movies, I spend the whole time figuring out how I’d fight back. With this my response was more along the lines of, “ that would drive me insane within about five minutes, I couldn’t deal with that!”
I think universal empathy would be soul destroying, similarly universal lack of empathy. That made me think that actually my view must be that we need the dark to fully appreciate the light.
It also made me ponder how high empathy must be incredibly irritating to someone with low or zero empathy.
This might be why no one wants to watch movies with me.
Hi Truthseeker:
SPOILER ALERT
Ok that scene in Vegas where he gets all the beautiful empaths for sex. I am guilty! I thought …. Well….just imagine every fantasy man you ever wanted …. And asking you what makes you happy, pampering you and “ “loving you.” Then I realized…I would get bored after a while… um perhaps a long while lol… because it would not be a free choice. They aren’t real empaths. There is no true authenticity. They are BOTs wired to do certain things. Would a narc find them fuel worthy if it was just a wired bot? And it made me think of the sexual robots they are making. Now the idea of coming home to a hot man who has cleaned my house, watered the plants and cooked dinner who says… how was your day dear? Would you like a hot bath or massage after dinner ? Robot or not, sounds nice. And he has intellect at his disposal? Yup sounds good until it would not. I think I would be more hungry for love, real connection and soulful sex. The aliens are not human. The series makes us question what is human? Spiritually I believe God gave us free will and the beauty of love is when it’s authentic, chosen and freely given. While I would rather have a nice bot than a mean bot, I like and would want the freedom of choice. It’s control not through violence and torture ( although they did kill 888,000 people how nice are the programmers? And they mind controlled more and they control by “ space” or ghosting or silent treatments. Psychological isolation is brutal- they use it in prison and in war. Very damaging. )….So the program is flawed as pure unadulterated empathy. And they eat dead people. Now for me, dead is dead but many cultures would disagree. I look forward at the rebel Hispanic. The Beario Grylls! He is cool. The show is thought provoking but yes… I can’t imagine watching many seasons unless they do better character development. Agreed!
Hi Contagious,
Entirely agree, it is control through benign manipulation.
If it wasn’t control, humans would have been presented with a choice supported by all the pros and cons. They would be given the option to refuse without being penalised. They weren’t, so it’s control. We shouldn’t give our free will away to anyone or anything, I think that’s why the concept grated so much with me from the get go. The whole idea made me feel kind of claustrophobic.
I began watching this series with someone else. Let’s just say we were in danger of falling out, so I called time and we switched to a different series! I wonder if ensnarement primes us to be more sensitive to questions of control. Possibly.
HG made a video about AI sex bots and how they would be viewed by narcissists. Attached for you below.
https://youtu.be/Eebdr3oXsl0?si=xSg_KhWom619mthL
Hi HG, I’ve just watched your video, “are narcissists failed empaths”? and wondered if you can tell with adult non narcs if they were close to becoming a narcissist as a child, but something stopped them? Or does that relate to the progression from empathy to narcissistic if that makes sense? I’m guessing not and it’s more random…
Ps Contagious – if you haven’t listened to this I think you’ll find it useful re empaths growing up in a supportive environment.
See Chained.
Thank you HG.
Dear Jade: I carefully listened to it! Thank you dear one! So…. An empath has the gene and can come from a stable empathetic environment like me ( not perfect but lots of empathy), or an abusive environment. HG has not revealed what environments create what cadres and classes … yet:) I suspect Contagion is linked to a creative environment as almost everyone in my large extended family is an artist. Typically musicians like my father or painters ( me). Many like my grandmother and 4 Aunts were knitters and seamstress. Even the younger generation. Religious folk too but devout quiet types. But given the gene component perhaps the gene also gives cadres and classification leanings? Someday we will find out from dear HG!
Anyway thanks for the suggestion!
Pleasure Contagious! I might be wrong of course but my guess is I’m more like your flavour of empathy than other schools but my upbringing wasn’t creative or empathetic… 🤔 I’m artistic, creative, animal lover and .. the odd one out in my family .. they work in finance and similar and are quite different! A bit woo lol but I sometimes think there’s “soul groups” … Similar people who are peppered through society.. some end up in similar families, some not but we recognise each others similarities when we meet. Apologies for the esoteric interlude all and HG 😉
Oh and many articles suggest BPD is a failed narcissist. HG has his own take on BPD but I have often read this elsewhere. They are both in the DSM cluster B…..
Jade, hi! In addition to the negative fuel, you could look at it this way: the golden period is only a setup in order to get to the devaluation. Imagine you stood in line at a restaurant, booked a table, paid for an exquisite five-star meal, sat down, and then just looked at it without eating it. It doesn’t make sense, right?
The narcissist will not spare the IPPS the negative fuel extraction. He “paid” with the golden period for his meal. Again, not because he is evil, but because of the neurobiology behind it. It is a form of structural blindness, where the brain does not react to intimacy but to changes in stimulation. They need the novelty to feel anything at all.
At the outset, the empath provides emotional resonance, warmth, validation, loyalty, admiration, compassion. This is the nurture, the fuel. The empath fills the emptiness, which serves the narcissist’s self-regulation because the narcissist has no functioning self. The empath also compensates for the psyche’s dysfunctions.
Sooner or later, through constant contact and exposure, the stimulus becomes habitual and leads to desensitization. The narcissist feels less dopamine, less control, and less stimulation. This feels like “inner starving.” Once this happens, the IPPS starts to “provoke” disgust, boredom, contempt, aggression, and an escape impulse.
Because intimacy and closeness do not fall upon an inner self, the narcissist only loves the reactions people trigger in them, not the people themselves. And the IPPS gets too close, wants more, wants true intimacy. Intimacy cannot be provided because it is a threat to the system. It would collapse.
That’s really helpful, Jordyguin – thank you. He said plenty directly about not liking intimacy too. I’m understanding now that their world view and drivers are so different to non narcs. I think I mentioned elsewhere recently that I read somewhere about in romantic relationships, narcs have an agenda whilst non narcs are looking for connection which ties in. I’m amazed at how similar their actions look to non narcs starting a relationship..
Hi Jordy. You explained this well, thanks.
Thanks, Jade!✧ Thanks, Violet!✧ Thanks, Contagious!✧
💞
Jordy, I have never seen you putting 💞 emoji))) 🤗
I also saw your avatar change to a little girl with pink hair the other day, Arya …? 🤔😄 Did you change it back to 🔥? More Arya-esque! #GOT
Pink girl with green eyes? 😅😁😁 yes, it has a hidden meaning, Idk if you pick up on it. I was just having fun and being stupid.
Yes, I’ve changed it back, cause I know Mr Tudor doesn’t love children.
But she might come back, when he would be away from the blog, probably sometimes after New Year. Last year, he was out during the whole January if I recall. I joined the blog in Nov/Dec 2024. Rarely commenting initially.
Nothing is coming to mind about a pink haired girl with green eyes, Arya? 🩷💚 Intriguing…
I mentioned liking an emoji or two when I arrived lol but was aware HG isn’t an emoji fan .. I then noticed him saying he has no problem with us doing it (hopefully I got that right HG or I might be on the roasted empath menu lol)!
I feel like narcsite Arya is being playful 😉
Jade,
It’s like with cult. Think bad.
Yes, I do like emoji too. 🤗✨️💕💞🌲❄️
Ooh ok, I hadn’t linked that up Arya 🫣 #cult interesting..
Me too re emojis! 🌲☃️❄️⭐🌨️🎁🎄🎅🎶👼🛷🦌🕯️
“the golden period is only a setup in order to get to the devaluation”
Untrue. The narcissist does not think beyond the Golden period – with the exception of self-aware narcissists (even then, they are still infatuated) – they honestly believe they have found ‘the one’ who meets all their needs. And through no fault of their own, nor the empath’s fault, the fuel will go stale. When that happens the empath has failed them, let the narcissist down…is a ‘traitor’. Hence, the painting black of the empath and devaluing manipulations ensue…
The narcissist does not invest in the Golden period in order to *get to* the devaluation stage and negative fuel – unless, perhaps a Greater.
Correct.
Thanks for this WC. I am still getting my head round that the narcissist is “infatuated”, for a while at least… 🤔
You’re welcome, Jade.
Jade, I believe it’s similar to what non-narcissist experience. You want to be with this person all the time. I think infatuation is not based on empathy, you want something from this person for yourself- it’s a selfish desire. Therefore anyone can feel it, narcissists or not. It’s not love.
I agree with what you wrote, Arya.
I think it’s more that the idea is surprising in itself. as I joined in elsewhere with another of your comments today.. that the narcissist is “genuinely” infatuated.. even the aware ones in a sense. The “ensnaring” seems so “thought out” but its genuine infatuation at the same time (does that make sense?).
The infatuation is certain. Those burning eyes are unforgettable 🙂 And those initial efforts, that palpable, immense pressure in the background, as if he were a fish out of water who found a spring, or a hermit who, after 20 years in the wilderness, met first human. And that super-strong, multi-layered attraction. Total madness 🙂
It’s worth the experience – and it’s not 🙂
However, I always wonder about the ability to believe in “the one” again. How many times can you do it? Two, three times, okay – but 70???
Sometimes I wish could do that, eclipse my mind. It’s like effectively manipulating your own brain 🙂
Good points Joa. Even though I’ve known for a long time that most narcs are unaware I think somehow I thought that stage and the love bombing was a bit different… But this all makes sense. Yes… 70 times is a lot lol. Such a different perspective.
Hello Joa,
I’ve experienced an infatuation about 15 times in my life. Sometimes mutual sometimes not. Every time, I thought he the one and I would love him forever.
WhoCares, please hear me out. I have a highly empathic request for you in the name of truth. Could you please go to my other comments that also bother you and correct the untruths I have shared, so my Master can confirm whether what I have written is untrue or true? You’ve just made me question my reality with your comment, and I would not be able to let go of the unresolved doubt for the rest of my life. My Master wants to see your pretty arse wiggle around him and correct me. Sexy threesome, yas!
“The narcissist does not think beyond the Golden period”
Untrue. The unaware narcissist does not think beyond the Golden Period.
“with the exception of self-aware narcissists (even then, they are still infatuated) – they honestly believe they have found ‘the one’ who meets all their needs.”
Untrue. HG has said many times that the aware narcissist knows exactly what is going on. He/she is not a believer; he/she uses strategy and logic. Their IPPS is only a 40–50% Prime Aims provider.
“And through no fault of their own, nor the empath’s fault, the fuel will go stale.”
Untrue. The aware narcissist knows precisely what is happening and knows that the toaster has simply become boring and/or harder to control. The aware narcissist, according to HG, knows it is not the empath’s fault.
“The narcissist does not invest in the Golden period in order to ‘get to’ the devaluation stage and negative fuel”
Untrue. The unaware narcissist doesn’t know.
“unless, perhaps a Greater.”
I didn’t know that. Fuck.
Jordy,
“Untrue. The aware narcissist knows precisely what is happening and knows that the toaster has simply become boring and/or harder to control. The aware narcissist, according to HG, knows it is not the empath’s fault.”
I thought the same way as you written here. But then I’ve heard this interview with Doug, pat 10. It has confused me completely. Please listen to from 11:00 to 15:00 (link below). The question Doug asked at 13:07 min, is exactly what I would ask with the same look at Doug’s face. It’s really unbelievable how it works with greater. In that interview, HG in fact said, that it’s not his fault (not the consequences of what he has done). They (IPPS) let him down. So he still blames empath, though he perfectly knows he is a narcissist. (It contradicts to your last sentence). It’s mind blowing 🤯 I still cannot fully grasp it, how it works then with aware narcissists. It means they never learn from previous relationships, they keep going in pursuit of finding the one. It’s bizarre. This quest would never end, a greater is aware of it and still pursue.
Plus it implies that during golden period, it does not necessary mean (as you described) that a greater knows that a devaluation comes. He kind of knows, but hopes it won’t. That she is the one who won’t fail him, otherwise he won’t choose her… Ah ah. My mind hurts.
Please watch it from 11 till 15 mins. I would be glad to know your opinion on that.
https://youtu.be/TuOJjYlxBXg?si=NMFcixG06SDq65cF
I’ve been wondering about this exact point too Arya. I think my take on it is.. the greaters and ultra “know” the process, but think this time it will be different and they won’t be “let down” this time… Is that right HG?
Ary, I know that one, yes… It is confusing. It does not make sense if HG tells us that hope is a false mistress but he himself continues to hope, to expect a different outcome.
It is like a vampire who knows he needs blood in order to survive, yet searches for the perfect donor who will end the hunger.
But on what basis would the hunger ever stop, if the hunger is what rules the system?
I know what is needed, lol! A bite from an empath, turning the aware narcissist into… something else.
I do not hope, it is expectation.
Also, when HG is talking “as HG” he knows it’s not the empaths fault and can teach us that. But he is an NP, and cannot change that fact.. so regardless, the same dance must play out the same way each time in his romantic relationships with the empath… He “knows” but he must still do what he does. 🤔 Like the tale of the scorpion and the frog.
Gotcha… he expects …. Ary, the Ultra expects…. expects us to bite him!!!!
Right then, I’m claiming five premium bites: bum, ear, neck, thigh, and lip!
Ary, your turn what’re you biting?🦷 There is an Ultra to be turned!!! Mwahaha
Jordy 🤣🤣🤣
I don’t want to bite him. He is toxic for me. I would die. But if I have to choose, then shoulder. Wait to whom he transfers then? The Witcher? Or some more innocent like a male exotic dancer?
“ I do not hope. It is expectation.”
I was going to suggest optimism. Expectation is stronger.
I think this is linked to the psychopathy rather than the narcissism.
The psychopath bends the world to his will. There’s an inner confidence and certainty that every goal WILL be achieved. It’s just a matter of time. Therefore, if the goal is an enduring relationship, then there would be the full expectation that an enduring relationship WILL be achieved.
I might be wrong.
You are not wrong.
Thank you HG. Expectation makes more sense.
Thank you TS and HG, that adds another layer to my understanding. Its useful to learn more about the P side of things as well as N. I notice the confidence and certainty you exude at times HG and can understand that more with this context.
Arya! It just dawned on me: Ary = aри -> ори, from the word орать🙈 Sorry, solnze, it didn’t click at first, good thing you told me!
Don’t worry about intoxication from the shoulder bite, we’ll get the Witcher to suck the poison out! They share the same blood anyway, so. ♛❦♕
(I saw your photo today! Aww! You looked just like Snegurochka 🧝🏻♀️🩵)
Jordy,
Yes, you keep telling me to scream 🤣🤣that’s okay. I can scream for you.
No, Snegurochka is cold, I’m not cold. Though I do melt sometimes.
Great analogy Jordy! Happy holidays!
Hi Leigh, working my way through HGs work I came across this .. very interesting in case you’ve not seen it (Tudor case file) about how HG consulted with a parent in new York who has a narcissist principle at their child’s school who was causing lots of issues…
https://youtu.be/M_yMVq-46nE?si=WMZnWarTEbu5hEcD
Yes, I remember that situation & Mr. Tudor’s video. She did end up stepping down but she still works for the department of education in NY. At least she’s away from the kids though.
Did you see the series on Gabby Petito? That was really close to home for me! Her neighborhood is one of the neighborhoods where I like to take my evening walks. That kind of freaked me out when he talked about it, lol!
Scary Leigh! I’ll have to watch that one…
Anna P, hi! — “Why should the Creature be well-disposed towards you?”
HG mentioned chronic dissociation in one of his latest videos, I believe it was a TOW video and “The Dead Eyes of the Narcissist.”
Chronic dissociation is what you must research; it explains what you are looking for.
Chronic dissociation is a foundation stone. It is not a symptom but a structural basis of the narcissist’s psyche. The architecture is built on splitting, elimination, and separation from feelings that relate to vulnerability. The self is dissected into several disjointed functional levels. In conjunction with psychopathy it becomes an elusive double structure. It is not a strategy but neuro-architecture.
What this means for the empath: You are not interacting with a constant personality but with a switching system of states (chronic dissociation). This creates a dynamic, unpredictable stimulus, which your nervous system reacts to more strongly than it would to the constant stimulus of a stable self. Your brain tries to create coherence where none exists, because there is no stable self, only several fragmented selves. Chronic dissociation is a neurological protection strategy, solidified through practice.
The false self, or rather the false selves, the narcissist’s armor, is needed because a true self was never built to begin with; it was fragmented. Empathy presupposes a true self, and when the true self is eliminated from the beginning, empathy cannot be used.
So, “Why should the Creature be well-disposed towards you?”
What is “well-disposed”? It is empathy.
Again excellent! Have you seen a dissociation? I have the time I met my mother in law ( and lived…. Literally, it’s quite the story). She has no friends as she told me that night. Really never did. She hasn’t let her house except the occasional trip to the store to buy her booze…40 years? Anyway Norma bates, um my ex mother in law, took my hand after dinner on Christmas Eve. She spoke in a 5 year old voice, feet swinging back and forth and she said “ I always wanted a friend. A girl friend. You know to paint our toenails and talk about boys.” It was scary in a way. I tried to be kind and reassuring but the next day I met the bride of Frankenstein. My ex husband would change when he drank. He looked different. Had a strong Cockney accent. And was angry and abusive. I felt he became his old mum who was born by the bells in East London. They aren’t schizophrenic but my ex has had psychotic breaks when under stress. He calls them nervous breakdowns. Both are middle lessers. Would love to hear if others saw disassociation. I wonder if it’s common. I know with BPD that it is.
Ooh that does sound scary Contagious 😬 crikey lol. i wrote elsewhere recently about noticing my mum once and also someone I worked with “regress” to a childlike state briefly (they both seemed more child like and likeable compared to “normal” though) but I think it might be in the moderation queue still. It’ll be interesting to know more…
I also witnessed a woman in her 80s in the waiting room for a breast examination literally act like a 3 year old. She was complaining really loudly and when her husband said did she want to read one of the books on the table she said “no, it probably has poo on it!” and threw it on the floor. A friend who’s a nurse said they’d often witnessed that kind of thing with patients who were stressed… 🤔
Curious Jordy… how is several selves in narcissism different from schizophrenia? When you watch a narc or schizophrenic it looks different but how so?
Hi love!
As I understand it, the difference is that the “multiple self state” in narcissism (cognitive dissociation) involves no hearing voices, no hallucinations, no break from reality, and no actual distinct identities. Instead, it is a stable psychological structure that can be described like:
Narcissism operates through “modes” or “self-states” that are activated as needed. They switch quickly, without transitions, and can seem contradictory, but they are all parts of one person. The narcissist still knows who they are. They do not lose touch with reality. They do not hear voices. They do not see things that aren’t there.
Schizophrenia works through entirely different mechanisms: psychotic symptoms (hallucinations, delusions), loss of reality testing, and difficulty distinguishing “Is this really happening, or is it in my mind?” There are no mode-based selves; instead, there are disturbances in perception, thinking, and the ability to evaluate reality.
In a narcissist, the self-states are functional roles that serve emotional regulation. They can paint you white and three minutes later paint you black. Not because they are “two people”.
In schizophrenia, there are no roles or modes, and it is not a psychological defense mechanism. It is a neuro-perceptual disorder.
Schizophrenia: perceptual disorder, hallucinations/delusions, loss of reality testing.
Narcissism: different self-modes, modes in ONE personality, emotionally regulated, no hearing voices, no delusions.
And schizophrenia does not have “multiple selves”, at least not in the way people casually imagine, such as personality switching. However, people with schizophrenia sometimes describe their experiences in a way that sounds like multiple selves, which creates confusion. In reality, schizophrenia affects how a person experiences their sense of self. A person may feel that their thoughts are not their own, that something else is controlling them, that their actions do not feel generated by them, or that their emotions feel foreign. This phenomenon is called self-disturbance or impaired ipseity. It is not a different identity. It is a difficulty maintaining one coherent and continuous sense of “me”.
Brilliant analysis Jordy! Ever think of entering the psychology field? I think you would be excellent!
Hi Jordyguin,
Even if you have a set neuro-architecture which is carved in stone, you can implement different strategies to make it work for you and serve your needs. This does not apply to other narcissists or psychopaths, but HG has the level of insight to achieve it.
HG treats the Creature like a separate entity that seems to give him nothing but trouble, if to a lesser extent than it used to. Despite all his efforts to achieve just that, his “true self” has not been eliminated.
By the way, all this talk about the true self. Why should this part be ascribed special status as the true self? Its only claim to fame, so to speak, is that it was there first. If we consider that the human brain takes up to 25 years to reach maturity, I find it a gross exaggeration to label the first stage of a person’s development the true one. The foundation, sure, a stage that leaves a lasting mark, absolutely, but to go so far as to give practically no value at all to anything that comes after this initial stage? Nobody calls the caterpillar the true self of the butterfly.
Anyway, if I understand it right, the one strategy HG has not yet applied is using honey to catch his fly, i.e. treating this entity well, or at least not quite as bad.
Well-disposed can also mean painted white, I would not go so far as to say it requires empathy. You can be well-disposed towards a person without caring, without having emotional empathy for him or her, it could be for selfish reasons.
And lastly, remember that not everyone here is an empath. Not everyone is attracted to narcissists.
Anna, hi! I always find it interesting to follow your thought process and reflections, so thank you for sharing them. The last two sentences felt a little out of context for me, and I’m not sure I fully understood it. If you are suggesting that you are not an empath, I actually have a different impression. It seems to me that you sometimes operate from emotional thinking beliefs, when you express what appears to be a desire to “help” HG or seek resolution. For example, when you wrote about the Creature troubling (poor) HG, or things like (I’m paraphrasing) “there is still an experience waiting for you, to experience love from a person who knows who you really are,” these feel like patterns that empaths under emotional thinking might show.
I had thought a more technical approach might offer clarity, but I can see that it didn’t quite have that effect…
Hi Jordyguin,
I want to help HG alright, but not because I think he needs some kind of redemption. I just want him to have all the freedom and as many options available to him as possible, and if there is the potential for new ones, I want him to be able to exploit them and not refuse to even consider them because of this one fact, namely that they involve the Creature.
What I said about him never having experienced the feeling of being loved for himself, those are simply statements of fact. Whether he would ever want this and is ready to accept the risks associated with it is up to him. Neither am I claiming that “it will surely happen if only he lets somebody in” or any such wishful thinking, I only stated what I see as the reality up to this point.
Anna… one last thing. Women were conditioned to view men as little boys over whom they must claim ownership through care, love, and devotion. Women often speak about grown men as if they were their sons, saying things like, “I want my boy to have all the options and freedoms in life.”
This man has more options and freedoms in life than most people ever will. He moves through life with ease; he achieves, and he enjoys his freedom. There is no lack of freedom or options in his life. When regular people speak of options, they mean the things that would keep him bound and unfree. They mean things that would make him easier to own and possess for a woman in a relationship, treating him like a son she must look after.
If that were not the case, and mature love were truly present in all those instances, those women would let him go very easily when he loses interest, because love, after all, means acceptance when the other person does not feel the same. Ownership and possessiveness, expressed through care, devotion and obsession, are what women are conditioned to experience as mothers toward their little boys, and this later shows up with their partners.
In all those instances, it is the mother figure who is subconsciously sought after by a narcissist. Freedom and options would probably mean an experience beyond this clusterfuck of wounded and conditioned circumstances that both are trapped in performing until the end. To sever those links brings freedom and new or other options, I assume. But narcissists are not wired to want any of it. They are comfortable in their version of freedom.
“I just want him to have all the freedom and as many options available to him as possible.” That’s a mother perching her son on a playground. “I want my boy to have the best piece of cake.”
But he is a grown-up already.
The second thing: “the gift of love for who he truly is.” There is no remarkable difference between who he truly is and what he presents to those women. It doesn’t matter who he “truly” is. He is what he is. If a woman believes she has more options and freedoms to love differently from how she was conditioned, well, that’s debatable, because women clearly display the same patterns of “love,” as if they were trained in the same “mothers and sons” camp.
Jordyguin,
In many ways you are right, HG does have more freedom than almost anybody else – in the material sense, in terms of being able to travel and enjoy all the material comforts and in his detachment from other people. He certainly does not suffer from any lack of options there. But the one confinement he cannot escape is his need for fuel and the people to give it to him. Even with his reduced needs compared to other narcissists and taking into account the ease with which he is able to gather his fuel, this is non-negotiable. But does it have to be? This is what I mean by talking about options. Not the kind of relationships he engages in, more along the lines of being free to choose whether or not to have them at all. I don’t believe wanting him to have the option to get by without external fuel sources (or at least tolerating it for longer) makes me possessive, I am just another fuel source he could then do without, if he chose to. Obviously he can do without me now, but only because there are scores of others to take my place.
I will have to disagree on whether the difference between who he is and what he presents to the other party is negligible. If it did not matter, he would not feel compelled to hold back so much. He has learned to keep huge parts of his personality hidden, and they are parts which fundamentally direct his behaviour, because he has experienced that those parts will not be accepted. They will even be used against him. This is not a trivial thing.
Jordyguin,
By the way, I can’t say that I have ever heard a single woman speak of “my boy” when referring to her partner. Only mothers who were talking about their actual sons.
Hi Anna:
It still seems like a Faustian bargain albeit one made young to survive.
Hi Anna and Jordy:
Do you think that when a narc is at a point that he feels the creature (that inner voice that says you are nothing and unlovable) that a psychotic breakdown could occur? Where the person loses touch with reality caused by stress or little fuel and resulting being in touch too long with the “ true self? “ My ex has had breaks. He literally loses all concept of time, babbles nonstop nonsensically and even writes incoherently and does not see reality. He gets these paranoid delusions that he is being followed, aliens are watching and in my case that I was plotting to marry his best friend that I met once who was and is a married minister who I had not spoken to and lived in another country. My ex was calling us and shouting and making threats so convinced we were running off to marry. Interesting we were the closest to him although the friend and I never talked or and met briefly once. My ex called it a nervous breakdown so if it’s neurological and chemical changes in the brain and narcissism… I always felt a link between his breaks from reality usually after a serious depression . When depressed he isolates, does nothing for hours. He looks ill. He looks the way someone looks when a loved one dies. And his psychotic breaks, I have seen it only once when I asked for a divorce….but I know he had at least one or two other occasions…. his eyes widened and his eyes looked crazy darting back and forth, he was animated and terrified, he talked nonstop gibberish and was inconsolable. His last break was ast year and he was sectioned. It lasted for days. But I think it arises with him from somewhere very deep and broken inside that he can normally mask with grandiosity and by fuel. Why it happens, no idea but it seems to arise when he falls very deep into an inner bleakness. And HG imprisons his. It must be pretty damaging to lock it away. So damaging that the mind could break? I have no contact with my ex but I do pity him as he has struggled all his life from that horror show of a childhood. It is a shame that your love cannot mend the damage like glues to the cracks. But I know it cannot.
Hi Contagious,
can’t blame HG for wanting to survive! Thankfully he did and allows us all to profit from his experience.
Regarding psychotic breaks, I do not have the knowledge to comment on that, but I can give you the cynical view: When we are dealing with a narcissist, it is a good idea to remind ourselves that when they feel the Creature the most, the fuel is running dangerously low. What does a breakdown do? It provokes an immediate and potent reaction in others, in other words, it produces a huge amount of fuel. Everybody will devote all their attention to the person with the breakdown, they will drop everything else and run around after that person. You say your ex had a break when you told him you wanted a divorce. This was a huge threat to control. Something had to be done. A breakdown would have immediately put a stop to that conversation and made you focus on caring for him instead. So a breakdown would be a good manipulation for the narcissism to get an immediate fuel injection and avert the threat to control in that moment.
Contagious, what you describe could be genuine psychotic episodes. This is not typical narcissism. It could be a serious psychiatric condition with comorbidity.
Narcissism does not cause psychosis. He appears to have an additional psychotic vulnerability, possibly in the context of affective psychosis, schizoaffective disorder, or stress-induced psychosis. This is something separate and not “pure narcissism.”
You describe symptoms that would clinically be classified as psychosis: loss of contact with reality, paranoid delusions (such as being followed, aliens, or conspiracies), breakdown of speech (gibberish or incoherent writing), loss of sense of time, intense fear and agitation, and even inpatient psychiatric admission (“sectioned”). These are not normal narcissistic states.
Hi Jordy! I took the narc test on him and based on 12 years, yup a narcissist. But comorbidity is a possibility. But what is exactly a “ nervous breakdown?” And what happens to narcs low to nothing in fuel or when they wet the creature for too long? ?????
Hi dear,
A “nervous breakdown” is not a medical diagnosis but a common term used to describe a period of overwhelming mental or emotional stress during which a person is unable to function normally. It can refer to a wide range of conditions, from severe anxiety or depression to acute stress reactions or even brief psychotic episodes. Clinicians do not use the term because it is imprecise and does not describe a specific disorder, but it is often used to indicate a serious mental health crisis requiring support or treatment.
When people refer to a “nervous breakdown,” they usually mean a crisis involving intense anxiety or panic, deep depression, emotional collapse, an inability to work or cope, withdrawal or agitation, and sometimes confusion or disorganised behaviour. In severe cases, it may even include psychotic symptoms.
Clinically, a “nervous breakdown” may be an informal label for several real conditions, such as a major depressive episode, severe anxiety or panic disorder, acute stress reaction, adjustment disorder, burnout, brief psychotic episode, or affective or stress-induced psychosis. The exact diagnosis depends on the symptoms, their duration, and the triggers involved.
Everything related to the Creature and Fuel Crisis (see the video with the same title) is best explained by HG.
Happy Holidays HG!
The more I see Rob Reiner talk about his behavior. He is classic CO-D! Uber. Are co-ds more at risk at danger? Murder?
Hi HG, Do you still use the term anodyne for mid range a? I’m guessing not but wondered what that denoted? Thank you 🙏
For certain MMRA, yes.
Thank you HG. Im learning that there can be variances in the mid rangers with something you said in a livestream about many of them thinking they’re greaters…
Hello HG, Is it possible for a victim to both not care at all about the narcissist (e.g. don’t want “closure”, know what they are up to) and also hate them at the same time?
Are these things mutually exclusive? I am not one to hate, but this feeling is pretty intense.
Is hate ever a useful emotion on the part of the victim? -Thank you
You may not care about the well-being of the narcissist and hate the narcissist. The aim of course is to feel nothing in relation to the narcissist.
No, hate is seized on by your emotional thinking and is used against you with regard to the narcissist.
Sorry *Eroded empathy.. not weirded empathy AV !🤦♀️😂
Haha, Jade, no problem, I knew what you meant.
LOL! That made me chuckle! Weirded empathy for sure!
I definitely have weirded empathy lol 😂
I can leave a comment now in Question Me. Top level comment box miraculously appeared. Isn’t that something. Loving the snow!
Yay! 🥳
Hi Violet,
Are you in WordPress or directly on narcsite when you’re looking for the comment box. If you’re in WordPress, the box is below the title and link to the article but before the comments. If you’re on narcsite, the box is at the bottom of the article.
The Questioning thread gets the most traffic so sometimes its tricky. The nonce verification error happens the most on that thread. Maybe try to write your comments in WordPress. That might make it easier.
Hi Leigh. I’m on narcsite. Yeah the question thread gets long. But I’ve scrolled down and looked for the comment box several times awhile back and it was never there. Thought I was restricted or something. Anyway, it’s working now. 🤓
Leigh: I have been following since the get go. Sometimes there is no reply and no question thread. But if you find a reply HG sorts it. I use my phone always. Maybe with a computer it differs…??? I can tell you this…. Nothing is worse than the PACER system for usage and federal filings. You need an IT degree! Ugh!
Ohhh! I wonder if its an iPhone thing. I have an android. Plus, most of the time I’m on my laptop when I comment. Either way, I’ve never had an issue with finding the comment box.
I’m on android too and generally find it ok…
It took approximately 16 months of browsing YouTube regarding the topic of narcissism for the algorithm to uncover the ultimate treasure chest that is HG Tudor’s expertise.
The title, “How to make the narcissist miss you”, made my heart jump. Finally! This is what I’ve been searching for! Some solid advice on how to play the player.
HG Tudor: You can’t.
Well fuck.
What about this one??
“How to make the narcissist love you”
HG Tudor: They can’t.
Well double fuck.
And that was the start to understanding narcissism more thoroughly than I ever thought possible.
From then on, a fellow commuter who happened to glance into my car might have thought I was warming up for an intimate evening, and rightfully so; my mouth was seemingly permanently agape. Everything he said was just So. Dead. On. Balls. Accurate.
Mind blown. Absolutely blown.
And after the discovery of Dark Cupid, panties blown.
….But I digress….
The discovery of true genius is rare and exhilarating.
Introducing someone else to that genius? Eufuckingphoric.
And thus, dear Tudorites, is where I reach the point of this post.
What was your first introduction to HG’s body of work? What video would you recommend as the very first one to listen to?
My friend is at the beginning of a separation, but suggestions need not pertain to that topic per se.
I’m so excited HG, she’s going to love you (and that voice) as much as we all do.
Good for you Katastrophe! And great you can pay it forward to your friend. I found HG around 2019/20.. realised his narc classification made more sense than other people’s and he helped me identify a few of those pesky mid rangers hiding in plain sight. I don’t think I could face it here fully till the past six months when I joined the blog. I’m not sure re videos. I think the blog was where I got most of my info initially though bloody TOW was the hook into his YT videos.. I remember that!
Hi Katastrophe,
I have acted as guide for a few ensnared empaths now.
I start with the following.
The Ultra Framework
What is Narcissism?
What Makes a Narcissist?
Can the narcissist be cured?
The Prime Aims of the narcissist.
Get Out Stay Out.
Then, it’s a case of questioning, getting people to open up about their own experience. I tend to find that empaths are stuck replaying the golden period. If that is the case, work with that and forward videos about the golden period so that they understand the con.
If they are caught in the loop reliving aspects of their devaluation, again, work with it and forward videos from the devaluation playlist.
It’s important to establish what position they occupied in the fuel matrix so you forward the correct and most relevant material,
It’s important also to establish what school and cadre of narcissist they are dealing with. I advise people to invest in the NDC as again, removing doubt in their minds is key. The “ but what if he isn’t a narcissist?” question needs answering as soon as possible. Once that is established I find that people are more willing to bite down on the material and you can begin forwarding videos daily.
The more they can recognise their own experiences in the videos the more convinced they are, the more likely it is that they will stick to a No Contact regime. Recommend the book No Contact. This ensures they fully understand what No Contact entails.
Once No Contact is in place ( and it’s never fully in place to start with) you need to move to videos about hoovers. These seem to come in thick and fast at the start, often hoovers by proxy so these need to be closed down or you risk them being sucked in and stalling in terms of acceptance of the material.
The Spheres of Influence
The Preventative Hoover
Why Narcissists Hoover By Text
The Benign Follow Up Hoover Blinds You
Why Do You Keep Getting Hoovered?
How the Narcissist Uses Hope Against You by Hoovering.
Blocking is Not Enough
Talk about Emotional Thinking so that they learn how important this enemy within is and how crucial it is that they reduce ET as fast as possible. I also recommend The Addiction Triple Package as soon as I’m able to.
How your Emotional Thinking Causes Excuses
The Triple Threat of Emotional Thinking
Cognitive Dissonance and Emotional Thinking
Emotional Thinking: The Need to Contact the Narcissist
The Emotional Thinking videos are key. Go through the playlist and match the correct ET video to what is being described to you.
Then it’s a case of supporting, listening and using your own knowledge to match videos to topics and questions they bring up themselves. Videos that often hit home include:
6 Ways the Narcissist Uses Silent Treatments.
The Absent Silent Treatment
Murdering Without Feeling : Silent Treatments.
Ops HQ: The Narcissist’s phone
The Narcissist’s Wheel of Misery
The Five Most Common Manipulations of the Narcissist.
How the Narcissist Truly Sees You, also supported by You Must Grasp This One Thing About the Narcissist.
The Three Assertions of Control by the Narcissist
Control : What it is to the Narcissist
The 6 Phases of Fuelling
10 Rules of the Narcissist’s Social Media
Stay on Social Media : Stay Stuck.
10 Lies the Narcissist Will Use.
At some point, when their Emotional Thinking is lower, you ideally want them to take over their own learning and recovery. Often the videos contain suggestions for additional videos to listen to. Suggest that they do this themselves. Get them used to searching and following suggested titles so that they explore the channel themselves.
I find that it depends how often you see people as to how much leading you tend to do and for how long.
Hopefully this should help get you started.
An excellent guide TS.
Mr. Tudor,
Could you make TS’s suggestions a blog article like you did with Who Cares? I only ask because it’ll be easier to find in the future should we want to pass this info on to others who are ensnared by narcs. My daughter already follows you on YouTube but I plan on passing on this list to her as well. Its a very thorough guide and I think it would be very beneficial to others.
I shall do so.
Thank you HG.
This is so useful TS. 🙏
Hi Jade, Hi Leigh,
I’m really happy you found the suggestions useful. I think there is an article or video to answer pretty much every question an empath could have about ensnarement and beyond. HG has created a vast body of work, sometimes people just need a little support whilst learning to navigate.
That’s it. I’ve just discovered about 20 more videos today that I’d not come across, TS.
Hi TS,
I think this guide is fantastic! I agree that often times people just need a little support while they’re learning to navigate and this will be very helpful.
Katastrophe,
I missed 2 videos yesterday that I use regularly.
It’s important to be able to explain why it is that the narcissist appeared to care. The thought that the narcissist never truly cared about them is particularly painful for ensnared empaths to accept and reconcile. They must accept it though if they are to let go. Two videos that I think best explain this are:
The 3 Strands of Empathy
The Imitation Game
If you can, reinforce this with a conversation where you detail your own personal experiences. Provide examples of scenarios where you believed that the narcissist truly cared and how you understand now, this could not have been the case. I found that this is a key concept for people to understand in terms of their recovery.
Ok, now I am content!
… and if the empath doesn’t agree or adhere to this generic, mandated and prescriptive approach, they will be stonewalled and smeared into submission …
hmmm … so empathic.
Sorry, but this neat categorisation may look good on paper or on a library shelf within a Dewey numbering system, however, it doesn’t correspond with the way a unique human brain in a unique situation seeks and resonates with information at various phases of understanding. This neat and systematic categorisation doesn’t really reflect the way information resonates with specific situations at different points in time.
To give a personal example, when I first discovered HG’s work, I was in a state of deep cognitive dissonance. I wasn’t in an intimate relationship. I wasn’t seeking for ways to ‘escape’ a relationship.
Instead, I was facing familial and work-related situations that I couldn’t simply walk away from. I had been scapegoated since birth and my defensiveness was on overdrive all the time.
If someone had approached me and said, “read this list of material in this order and don’t complain or else you’ll be stonewalled and ostracised,” I would have thought, “here we go again.” Here is yet another person, after a long, long list of people, who wants to dominate and control.
The first thing I would have done is to be wary and also resentful about being told what to do and how to think.
When I first found HG’s information, the things that helped the most were the other bloggers here who validated and accepted my comments and gave me replies that made me feel it was safe to ‘speak’ openly. Back then, for the first time in my life, there were people who made me – the real me – feel seen, and I could talk about toxic relationships with them and they actually understood what I meant.
HG’s information came first before the validating replies from other bloggers. In the early months and years of being here, HG’s posts were published one after the other in quick succession and in no particular order. Day after day, month after month. There were posts that were like a riddle to ponder; there were stories about HG’s former girlfriends; there were funny and anecdotal stories; there were knowledge bulletins containing bullet points; and there were blasts of logic about the different schools and cadres of both narcissists and empaths. There were also a wide variety of letters from readers that added many differing perspectives to the blog.
The posts and HG’s writing made more and more sense in this safe environment, where I could think and comment openly. There were people here who actually understood the dynamics; where I didn’t feel pressured to conform or pretend to be someone I wasn’t.
All of this information melded together after a while and became more and more embedded in my brain. In line with this, my brain became more relaxed with time and the defensiveness slowly abated – very slowly – painstakingly slowly. But I was determined to keep learning and I was absolutely determined to change myself in a way that was in keeping with my true thoughts.
The things that impeded my learning and increased the defensiveness and emotional reactivity were the stonewalling and the sometimes inescapable and relentless sense that I needed to ignore my own thoughts and intuition because being a good little disciple of HG Tudor was infinitely more important. That old feeling of being scapegoated and dominated reared it’s ugly head.
Still, I knew that HG’s information helped. I also knew (and still know) that HG’s ‘fans’ were (and are) conditioned and addicted to narcissists. Everyone is here for their own reasons and to pursue their own goals. HG was always going to ‘win’ and I was always going to lose. Never mind. I can’t change the world singlehandedly, but I can change my own behaviour.
Even now, I know my comment will not be welcome or well-received. Well, it is what it is and I can’t control that. I’m going to use my voice and express my true thoughts and observations anyway.
Hi WiserNow.
Your comment was well received by me. I wasn’t on this blog back in the day but as a newcomer I have realized that I’d prefer it if HG was the only one leaving long comments with the correct information pertaining to his work instead of other Tudorites educating others when it’s not always the right information. It feels like a gotcha moment as a newcomer if you fall for the misleading information. HG gives very short brief answers to things but others attempt to explain his teachings and I’m not a fan of that. I think it’s ok for people to state their opinions but I’m starting to get frustrated with so many people stating their opinions as if it’s facts and correcting each other.
Hi Violet,
It can be difficult for newcomers to navigate the blog sometimes because there’s so much information here. When I first arrived, other empaths would point me in the right direction. I want to pay it forward so I try to do the same. I agree that sometimes I get it wrong as well. That’s why I like to point to one of Mr. Tudor’s articles or videos because Mr. Tudor is the authority.
I know it can be confusing and I apologize if I’ve contributed to your confusion at all.
I’ve really appreciated your (ongoing lol) guidance too Leigh. 🙏 It’s quite a cavernous place, with booby traps, false doors and blind alleys at times lol 😂 though when you start to know where you’re going, it helps and you start getting to the good stuff! It’s great to have a “HG fairy godmother” like yourself to point the way. And as you said, you point to direct information from HG.🧚♀️
Awww! Thank you, Jade! I try to help as much as I can!
Hi Violetfire,
Just came across your comment here. I agree wholeheartedly.
Dear Violetfire,
Mr Tudor has stated many times, he’s more than happy for others to help and answer questions on his behalf, saves wear n tear on his perfectly manicured nails hehe
He will always correct you when you’re wrong.
WiserNow,
I totally agree with you. I tried to convey the same thoughts in my reply, though you did it more precisely and to the point And thank you for sharing your experience on the blog.
Wisernow: Hoping you always feel safe and supported here! Happy holidays!
Hello Kat, TS and everyone,
About this guide. I’m thinking about it, how would I react if I received it, when I was in relationship with narcissists.
In Kat’s comment, she has stated that her friend is at the beginning of separation. Not clear if she is IPPS or IPSS. Also I assume, she knows something already about Narcissism from other sources (but not HG Tudor).
I’ve been IPPS and IPSS/DSL. And then, I’m imagining, that my friend sends me this:
The Ultra Framework
What is Narcissism?
What Makes a Narcissist?
Can the narcissist be cured?
The Prime Aims of the narcissist.
Get Out Stay Out.
No doubt, these are all very valuable, brilliant and informative videos, but in my opinion (only mine, based on my experience, free to disagree) they might not catch my attention.
My first reaction would be following when I glimpse at it:
1. I’m IPPS, exhausted, drained, stressed, don’t love my narcissist anymore and want this nightmare to end:
The Ultra Framework – don’t have time for this
What is Narcissism? – okay, let me check.
What Makes a Narcissist? – maybe will check tomorrow.
Can the narcissist be cured? – Don’t care. Sometimes I want to kill him, not cure.
The Prime Aims of the narcissist – I don’t care what he wants, when he would leave me alone?
Get Out Stay Out – hmmm
2. I’m IPSS (currently on a shelf), still love my narc, but want to end it anyway, cause it hurts badly and I can’t think of anything else, but him:
The Ultra Framework – will check tomorrow, maybe
What is Narcissism? – Okay, let me click it.
What Makes a Narcissist? – Hmm, would it cover if he still loves me or not?
Can the narcissist be cured? – does he miss me? Does he think about me?
The Prime Aims of the narcissist. – why does he not responding to my messages? Does he have someone else? Where is he now?
Get Out Stay Out – I want him out, but will he come back? Please, tell me yes.
My first HG’s video was with ice-creams : “why the narcissist must devalue you?”
That one got me hooked. By that time, I learned a bit about Narcissism and a term “devaluation” from Vaknin. But explanation by HG was so clear, easy to understand and brutally honest, that I knew it was true and I wanted to learn more. I binge watched everything with a catchy titles first. I wouldn’t pick “prime aims of the narcissist” as a burning question, video to watch. That comes later. When you realize, that golden period, devaluation is just part of puzzle.
My point is that, although, this guide is very logical, structured and totally makes sense, how anyone should learn about Narcissism. Step by step. Maybe better to start with a down to earth videos? I mean, If I were Kat, I would first find out from her friend, what she wants to know and what bothers her at the current moment. Then I would send a few Ultra videos, specifically to her problem, which would resonate with her own experience, as a bait. And then once she satisfies her initial burning hunger with Ultra answers, I would send her this guide as a follow up, so she won’t get lost, feel overwhelmed by information and knows what to do next.
And I agree, that, to take ND and EDC is important. ND gives you understanding what type of narc you are dealing with. EDC – what type of narcissists you attract and why.
Again, this is just my 2 cents, view on it.
Hi Arya,
I agree. If the person who is being abused doesn’t want to learn about narcissism, it won’t matter what you say or do. They have to be ready and open. When you found Mr. Tudor, you were ready and open. That’s why his article drew you in and why you realized you were supposed to be here. With that said, once they are ready and open, TS’ guide is a great starting point.
I was like you, one article drew me in. It was called House of Discards. From that moment on, I was hooked. That was 6.5 years ago.
Hello Leigh,
Yes, exactly. I agree. A person has to be open to make changes and find answers. And there are different triggers for everyone. I was drawn by HG YT videos. And the first thing I read by HG wasn’t the article, it was a book: Sex and the Narcissist. Imagine my reaction to that, when I was only getting familiar with his work. The words he used. The sadism was pouring out of that book. But it opened my eyes very wide. Shocking. But I knew it was true.
“But it opened my eyes very wide. Shocking. But I knew it was true.” I have that experience with HGs work too, Arya. That ring of truth.. not always easy to digest but true 👌
I was listening to ask HG, episode 6, part 7 or 8 I think today where he gives advice to a lady asking how to tell a friend that her friends husband is a narcissist. HG advises slowly, don’t use the N word and ask about behaviours and just listen..take your time.
So I see TSs list as a companion.. a guide for us to inform a friend when they’re ready and drop the next stage at the right time.. and if someone says “im ready, give me the full HG road map.. voila.. we can.
Hi Arya,
“ I would first find out from my friend what she needs to know and what is bothering her at the current moment.”
I agree. Questioning is really important. If an ensnared empath is worried about one aspect and we forward information on another aspect, then it is unlikely the information will be accepted, no matter how compelling or accurate the information might be.
I have set out my response in a list format here, but I have never just forwarded a set list and left people to get on with it.
I agree with you also that people are different and come to narcissism from different circumstances. The list reflects the videos that were well received overall and facilitated effective use of the Youtube channel plus the implementation of No Contact as early as possible. It factors in reduction / prevention of hoovers as hoovers can derail No Contact and it warns about the impact of Emotional Thinking, another risk factor for the derailing of No Contact.
We are all different. Totally agree. The articles ‘Guilt’ and ‘Utopia’ were the two that hit home for me when I arrived here. I didn’t include those, also ‘the sins of the empath’. Any number of HG’s videos could hit the mark with different people and if conversations move in different directions I forward different videos.
The list does reflect my core approach though, videos I now include as early as possible.
I prefer to read the articles than listen to videos as a general rule. The empaths I worked with preferred the videos because they were easier to fit into their day. One friend listened to one video on the way into work, one on his way home, religiously. We would chat every day and as other questions came up or more experiences came out in discussion, I would send the relevant video to match. My daughter was far more patchy in her approach to listening and there was more one to one discussion / explanation, less independent listening.
A lady I meet with now is also less regimented, goes more in batches of videos, a break, then another batch. I fit in with their style not the other way around. If I forced it, I’d look like I was in a cult or working on commission!
I understand why you see my list of suggested videos as prescriptive. In reality it’s more of a core framework I hit on via trial and error. Questioning and flexibility is key as you suggest, as is repeated review of the material so that any video you do select is as close a match as possible to the scenario / emotion being described.
Overall, my approach is not the only approach but it is a core method that seems to work well in terms of getting people started.
TS, Ary! One of the first memorable articles that completely flattened me was The Narcissist’s Desiderata: https://narcsite.com/2021/07/31/the-narcissists-desiderata-4/.
I thought, OH MY GAWD, this General knows what he is doing, and he teaches his army how to do it too! The rest of the story: emotional thinking, ebb and flow. I still do not trust my Master. I agree that the help the empaths are getting is real, because I can fathom out that “if they win, he wins”, and it is all Prime Aims and Triad related: the empaths have to win in order to spread the word, and the Tudor Empire can grow and accumulate. But, as we know, it is not because empaths are fluffy, but because they can “toast” what is required to fuck over Death, so a supposed win‑win. Unless it is all a set‑up to teach the Stormtroopers to shoot. I know, I know… paranoia. But how can you trust a man who would claim he loves Star Trek in order to catch a fish?
Hi Jordy,
“OH MY GAWD, this general knows what he is doing.” Haha! I think another thing that sold me upon arrival, was the accessibility of the blog owner. I asked questions and they were answered. I got snippy and I still received a calm response. It was enough to make me want to stay and give things a chance. What I was reading resonated and made sense even though I found some of the concepts stomach turning, others heart breaking.
I still prefer reading over listening, probably because the blog better reflects my interest, – pure narcissism and psychopathy – and there is greater interaction in the comments section. The blog feels like a closed community with enhanced idea generation. The YouTube channels feel more open and anonymous.
I do love the new Narcissism and Psychopathy channel. I’m disappointed that people from the Ultra channel didn’t automatically subscribe to support the new channel, if not for themselves but for other people who might not yet have been reached by HG’s work. Two channels ups the chances. The fact that it’s free to subscribe and the videos are free and people benefit from the accuracy of the information provided, I wouldn’t have thought that was too much to ask.
People disappoint me, a lot these days.
Hello Truthseeker,
Yes. I agree. I don’t know what else to add to your response. I just saw someone has suggested to forward it to her, therefore my point was better to do some investigation on that person beforehand, check her emotional state, is this person ready to take a red pill. No questions to your guide, as I mentioned, it’s logical and structured to lead a victim through HG world in proper direction. Not like me, my learning was random. More akeen to completing puzzle by getting various pieces, instead following the path.
I stopped listening to HG while driving, cause once I missed a red traffic light and almost got to an accident. Only at home. Especially, now, I can fully enjoy it without having my ex husband nearby spying on me and everytime he saw HG videos on my phone, he would say something nasty. When I recall those times, I’m realizing how it is great that I left him. I’m free to do whatever I want.
Give me your husband´s details, nobody stands in the way of my readers/viewers accessing my work.
Dear HG,
If this comment was directed to me, then thank you very much for your kind proposal, but me and him are already happily divorced. Plus, he is still a father of my son, and our son really loves him. Though my ex is a narcissist and caused me a lot of hurt, I don’t wish him any harm.
Hi Arya,
Thank you for your reply. I’m glad you made the points you did, I think further clarification was required.
You are right about the red pill and being ready to take it. A friend of mine is trying to half take it. It’s very sad to watch, she’s in a lot of pain. I agree, whilst I know the answers and can readily provide the information, she has to really want freedom to achieve it. I can’t provide the ‘want’ but I can wait and support her when / if she decides that she’s fully ready.
She is in process of completing the NDC. Hopefully that will provide the certainty she needs to move forward.
I’ve changed my mind. I want to kill him now.
Ha ha ha, comment HG about giving out Arya’s ex-husband’s details, who interfered with reading and viewing his work, cracked me up 🙂
And Arya added another element, first presenting a thoughtful, generous and typically empathetic opinion of her ex-husband, and then concluding that she would “wants to kill him” 🙂
Oh, that dynamic, we all know it from our own experiences 🙂
Arya, I’m glad you have peace from him in your own home—it’s priceless.
Thank you, I love laughing! 🙂
Haha Joa and Arya, that made me chuckle too 😄
Hello Joa,
“Arya, I’m glad you have peace from him in your own home—it’s priceless.”
Yes, thank you 😊. This upcoming holidays will be the first time without him since long time. I’m so glad about this fact. I can finally relax and enjoy them the way I want to.
Hello Katatrophe and happy holidays! I tell everyone I meet, do a consult! He will direct you. Plus I think I have bought everything he has put out there! Lol
Same here Contagious! Bought it all, read and reread, listened and relistened, many times over. And tell everyone to consult.
Happy holidays to you also!
Hi Katastrophe,
“What was your first introduction to HG’s body of work? What video would you recommend as the very first one to listen to?”
I have often wished I could remember the exact first article I read, and the second and the third. I do not. What I do remember was my eyes widening as I read, this man, this HG Tudor, this narcissistic psychopath, had written exactly what I’d experienced! Article after article it continued to resonate. Being a frequent commenter on other forums of various topics, I was quickly drawn to comment. I found myself being a little defensive the first few comments, it was intimidating commenting on a topic I knew nothing about and where the other bloggers all seemed to know each other and have it all together so well. I was soon rested that I was in the right place and encouraged to stick around. I do remember that first, to me from someone else. She pulled me in for a few comments and then others started to engage with me, and encourage me, as well.
So from my experience, if the person is seeking answers, as I was, and you can get them here at all, many of the articles can be effective in leading them to want to know more. Once they’re hooked…well, 5+ years later, I’m still here.
I do think that once a person is here, to offer a sort of “starting point” list, or map of the site, such as the one TS created, would be enormously helpful for the basics, people can tailor to their specific situation as they need to. But also that people who are seeking information will seek it, and here, they will find it.
Great idea to link the “Narcissists Are Everywhere” video in the ones about TOW, HG.
Does anybody else see a dog’s face in the QR code? Begging your pardon, that should of course have read “a wolf’s face”!
Thank you.
Thank you Leigh 👉 female narcissist series 🙏
You’re very welcome, Jade. Did you see the videos on parental alienation? You may find those interesting too.
I finished the video with Sidley twins. I really enjoyed it. I think I missed a bunch of those “Ultra Conversations”. I’ll have to make it a point to listen to go through them.
I’ll watch the parent alienation ones, thanks Leigh.. that will be helpful. As you said elsewhere, not an easy listen AT ALL but useful. I wondered where HG got the footage for narcs in action.. 🤔
Love the wintry snow effect (um, it IS snow, right?)
No, it is the ash of roasted empath.
🤣🤣🤣💥
🤣
Dear Mr Tudor,
Went to see my optician and told him I keep seeing white spots in front on my eyes. He said “Have you seen a doctor?”
I replied, “No, just white spots.”
Boom tish!
Dear Mr Tudor,
Eye know, right ?
What did you think it was Hope? 🤔
Depends on imagination, Jade. Can be many things. Sugar? To make this place sweet.
….snow… can we, for a second, stop gaslighting each other? these are babies, y’all💦
Thanks for pointing me to “narcissists in action” series, Leigh. I can’t believe how much work HG has made available on YT 😯 🙏
Josephina – I came across this and thought you might find it useful if you haven’t seen it already too re female narcissists…
https://youtu.be/Y5xG4yvyGdc?si=FtoY27s-Gs3LA58D
Hi Jade,
I had some trouble listening to the narcissist in action videos. Some of them caused an uneasy feeling in me. I had to do it in small doses.
Mr. Tudor’s level of output is insane. He’s a machine!
Me too Leigh. I often joke that my speed is similar to an 80 year olds (which I quite like now lol.. 🐌) but one week in HGs shoes I think I’d burn to a crisp! 💥
REALLY Hard to listen to Leigh!
He is an empath empowering machine 🤖😄
Hi HG, I listened to an old live video where you talked about Charlize theron being a narcissistic psychopath. It would be interesting to learn more about her. 🤔 I know some of her traumatic upbringing but her being a female NP would be interesting too…
i know it’s a bit mean, but i found the clashes she had with Tom Hardy amusing. i am sure as can be, that he’s an empath. he’s since apologised and admitted he was in over his head on that set. fairplay or facade? i don’t see facade with Tom. not keen on charlize at all, but would lurve to know the tudorscope results of tom.
Understandable and also good opportunities to flex our Tudor muscles 😄💪
HG has put Tom’s results out today Mari 🎉
Hello HG and others if made public.
Second attempt due to the noncey thing: Biscuit Man has ceased to be as of 29/11/25.
Officially reported as a heart attack whilst out walking, but I don’t know more.
I never knew him to go WALKING walking and it sounds like he wasn’t in the streets but wilder terrain.
As Sergeant Major in It Ain’t Half Hot Mum said: Oh dear, how sad, never mind.
Thanks once more to HG for sharing the original story and for the kindly support of readers!
Crikey! My first thought was that HGs consultation with you was very effective but perhaps in poor taste ..apologies 🥴 I’m glad you don’t have to deal with him anymore though Mari. 🙏
Hey Jade! Thank you. I didn’t have a consultation, I decided not to waste money on that neighbour. I took good advantage of HG’s **gracious** Black Friday offer though and treated myself to some detectors with me Big Birthday money. Narc one for father. Consultation would be a good next step.
Re: Mr.Biscuit: I get the Empath’s Pang, but the emotional thinking was naturally sealed off and remains so. He wanted to go, so he got his wish.
All logical responses, Mari 😌 enjoy the black Friday purchases x
Mari: glad you are safe. Sorry about biscuit man… he was obviously a troubled soul.
Happy holidays!
Oh my gosh, Mari. It was a little sad to read this.
Hello Leigh! I know, it is a sorry state of affairs. I’ve found out a bit more, but Miss Mirkin (my detective alter ego) is still passively investigating. I know the man who found him, but not spoken to him. I found two empty tubes of glucose & dextrose on my walk, so I gather it’s where he was tended to. He had no shoes or socks on, possibly not many other clothes and possibly soaking wet, but these last two need confirmation. It could be that clothes were removed due to hypothermia. Looking like he might ACTUALLY have got in the sea like I said should! It’s very nearby. That day had extreme rain later, so not sure if that factored in, or if he went out earlier. Lord knows what else was going on! My imagination conjured a great story though. 😉
Thank you for the update, Mari! Indeed, its very intriguing. You’ll have to talk to the man who found him too. I wonder if it was hypothermia or if he decided he should go for a swim. Very sad.
He was disrobed from the waist down, underwear round his ankles, no shoes and socks, torso was clothed. Lads warned the man who tried to help him, not to go further as a man was lying there. He said to them, ‘Well we can’t just leave him there!’ … It was dark and lashing, relentless rain, on a narrow path above cliff/rocks. A number of possibilities, given his psychosis tendencies, history with drugs, the amount of people he bothered, poor health, death wish. I think this will be the last of my findings worth noting.
Now I’m curious about his house. I wonder what secrets his house holds???
Mari – oh my. Bye-bye Biscuit bloke. I guess we won’t be hearing anymore stories about you…
Does anyone else feel like that was anticlimactic?
But alas, sometimes the cookie just crumbles.
Haha. Good one, NA.
Yesterday under a different post, I mentioned the return of the falling snow ❄️❄️❄️
It looks like the ‘Questioning Me’ post is the blog gathering place, so I’ll copy yesterday’s comment here … if it’s ok with HG.
The Christmas snow is back! ❄️☃️🎅🏼🎄
It’s falling straight down and not swerving. The weather must be calm rather than breezy ☺️
Hello Jade,
” December 1, 2025 at 15:23
Thanks HG and AV. Good question.
that makes sense to me apart from 4. I know you’ll be correct HG, j just wondered how an empath would do this if they have emotional empathy? Unless eroded… 🤔”
I reply to you here, cause I don’t like when it’s narrow in size, I prefer thick. I mean a comment.
I think I have already told it somewhere, that I took EDC test, when I just got here, because I thought I’m a narcissist. The results came I’m majority super empath. Super did mean anything to me at that time, but I was surprised to learn that I’m an Empath. Only when I’ve started to read books and articles, about dynamic with narcissists, it became obvious that I’m an Empath, a damaged, vulnerable, with low self-esteem individual, cause those feelings, HG described, are exactly what I’ve experienced with various narcissists in my life. Also it explained why I fell for the same guys, men over and over again.
My emotional empathy is indeed erroded now. A lot of things happened this year to me. I lost a lot. My life changed. I tried new things. I divorced, I moved, I lost my son, money, common friends (they took my husband’s side), career was impacted. I’ve failed both my children. My teenage daughter has a very long lost of claims what I did wrong to her. When she was 15, she passed exams to get to advanced school and left to Moscow to live with parents of my first husband, cause she couldn’t live anymore with 2nd husband. She was very hurt, that I often took his side over hers, when he was doing those long awful monologues.
On a positive side, my relationship with her and my dad are nonetheless are improving. I really love my dad, he is very intelligent and has always encouraged me to never give up. Has always believed me and still does. He never punished me during my childhood, and was trying to protect me from my mother. He couldn’t stand my 2nd husband (MMRA Elite), he was completely against our marriage ( we married after 9 months of meeting), but again, cause I was totally in love with my 2nd husband, I took his side, and stopped talking to my dad. Now at least, we meet and chat again. He is interesting, he knows so much stuff, I can talk to him for hours. He taught how to play chess, when I was a girl.
I lost my old friends during marriage, but new people are slowly coming to my life, unexpectedly. One girl (better say woman, she is 39). We get very close over last several months. She invites me to go to Morocco with her friends in March to cheer me up. And my colleagues are very supportive, and I have amazing boss, she is very understanding.
To my surprise, the relationship with 1st husband is also improving. Now I’m thinking maybe he is not a narc, just narcissistic. I haven’t done a narc detector on him. But we talk normally now, discussing what is the best for our daughter.
Back to erosion.
On top, I haven’t had sex for two weeks. Since Nov 15 to be exact, I remember, cause next day my period started. Two weeks is a very long period for me. 99% he is a Narc. He was good in sex, not the best, but still. I suspected I was not the only one, despite what he was saying and texting me. I just came to his place to pick up my stuff I left, he tried to kiss and say something, another lie, I stopped him, saying : “fuck, please don’t, just return me my things”. Gladly, he returned them and I left. Deleted all chats and blocked him. But it still hurt me. Two other men, who claimed after a week, that they loved me and I’m their soulmate, periodically keep popping up, despite my blocks.
At this moment, I’ve decided completely abstain from any dating or sex. No more men for now. Though it’s difficult, the sex part, but I need to pause to sort out WTF is happening to me. Last week, during annual health check up, I lost consciousness, passed out, during blood sampling. It hasn’t happened since childhood. My normal pressure is 110/70, but it took couple hours for nurses to bring it up to 90/60 at least. Doctor said I’m very emotionally intense.
Tbh, I hate this blog. It irritates me. Most people here irritate me, you – irritate me, though I do like you. But most of all, HG irritates me. How easily he can manipulate people. And I have other reasons, why I’m mad at him.
I really do want to leave this blog. I’m trying to. I periodically delete a link, not checking it, and then come back. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me. I’ve just received a new project, a task at work. I need to think of the options to resolve it, describe them, do calculations, do enquire to Hitashi, do estimate, prepare slides and be ready to present it decision board in Dec/Jan the latest. Its a lot of work involved, but wtf am I doing now ? Do I focus on the project? NO, I’m typing to you, at the blog. It’s no one else fault, but mine, my choice. Though I still hate this blog because of that. No one likes me here, what is the point to express anything here. Sometimes, I’m getting an invite to a party, karaoke party, but I would say :”sorry, not in the mood” and read the blog. How fucked up is that?
Maybe in order to leave this place, I need to completely abstain from any HG work. No YT, no book, nothing. But I still have a lot things in my gumroad, that I want to read, listen to and learn. Plus I’ve just bought a trait detector. Want to do it 2nd time, to see if anything changed over a year. My anger level was 60%, maybe now it hit 100%.
Though sometimes, I have this weird feeling, that I need to learn something here. About myself. You know like in Groundhog day movie. He was able to get to the next day, when he lived through it by being his true self, not a mean, despiteful, sarcastic individual.
This process is breaking some deep seated pattern of my behavior towards myself and people around me. And it is painful and creates a lot of resistance in me. I want to lash out at everyone and burn this blog. People here reflecting something to me, which I don’t like to see. Maybe once I learn what is that, and come into peace with myself, I would able to leave this hotel California.
So please bear with me, till either I leave this place or HG won’t pass my comments or the blog seizes to be active. I would try not to comment much and just read. Maybe I would be able to leave soon and not bother anyone.
Hugs to you 💕
Hi Arya, I prefer thick too. I mean a comment. 😉
I appreciate your comment and opening up here. Are you saying a super is damaged, vulnerable, with low self-esteem?
I understand more about why you’ve been saying your eroded empathy now.. Bloody hell! 😬 What a year!!! I am glad things are improving with your dad and daughter now though. And that’s the upside of being an empath isn’t it? You can change and grow.. and you are. Yes you took your second hubby’s side with the monologues with your daughter but you understand what you were dealing with now and are making changes now you know. We all made mistakes. I imagine the shit has literally hit the fan for you and it’s very painful but you’re finding your way through the rubble and going the right way. 👌And your dad sounds very cool!! I’m glad you’re rebuilding that relationship together.
I think sometimes though it’s horrible, life clears out people we have outgrown or who aren’t real friends and new ones come in.. it sounds like that’s what’s happening (x 1000!). It’s interesting about your first husband too.. it does sound more like narcissistic behaviour rather than a narcissist.
Yes sex is a good stress reliever but good for you for kicking out the narcs and love bombers.. it’s better that way. Think of the long game and what you genuinely need.. I agree. Your plan sounds good and to take good care of your health after fainting. Emotions can wreak havoc for sure. 🥴
Haha.. I would have thought someone commenting that I irritated then would upset me but it didn’t.. I appreciate your honesty and if I’m honest you irritate me too but I also like you too, lol. I think we all have different ways, don’t we? I’m not very “super” I’m a cuddly, loving kind of empath (mostly lol). I get irritated by what I see as bluntness or rudeness but I know that and that some people like that more direct approach than the softly softly.
I’m a bit addicted to narcsite too but feel like it’s giving my brain a well needed clean and dose of logic for now.. this hasn’t been my strong suit in life! It sounds like there’s something genuine keeping you here for now though Arya. I enjoy engaging with you otherwise I wouldn’t tbh. I am nice but not that nice anymore lol. I like learning.. like in this conversation, it helps me to grow too and not just be around the cuddlies now I’ve kicked most of the narcs out ..haha! So yep, we’re all stuck together in hotel California for now.
My last questions for you may irritate you (but I’ve got nothing to lose now have I? 😉 🤣) 1. What are you angry about? 2. Who is the “real” arya?
Just to add, Arya you say you dislike it here and feel like you’re not liked but in the past few weeks I’ve mainly seen you come on here and criticise others commenters either about things they’ve said as with TS and me (which seemed like misinterpretations of what we’ve actually said), or “how” they comment like with Mari and Contagious. There is some cause and effect that only you can change there.
I do get you’ve got a lot of shit to deal with but lashing out at others is keeping that cycle going. That’s on you, not us. I saw your comment to Jordy and I’m glad you’ve got some clarity going forward.
Thank you for your reply, Jade. I just stumbled upon it now. I understand how my comments are viewed by others.
Unfortunately, there are things I cannot tell you why I behave like that. And I’m affraid there is nothing can be done to change that. You are right, it’s on me, and not you, others. I need a closure, answers, which I will never get. Therefore, this blog cannot provide me healing. To me, it’s a hostile place, a constant reminder of something unpleasant. I don’t know what to do about it. I’m hoping this feeling, this anger, would pass.
Will see. But if I do keep lashing out at others, randomly, then I need to stop torturing myself, leave this place and move on. I know I can do it. I’m waiting for a final trigger. Maybe I’m even provoking it subconsciously. Sabotaging myself.
Anyway, Happy holidays to you, Jade, and your loved ones. 💕
That’s ok Arya. Maybe, maybe not but sometimes our view of things can evolve though I think as we move through things. I found that about something in my own life recently. But if this isn’t the place for you, that’s ok too.
I might be wrong but I feel like you’re shifting recently. And anger is understandable btw (I also just read your comment about your kids ♥️).I can’t even imagine 🤷♀️
I was saying this in terms of my feelings but you can work with that anger.. it’s there for a reason ..maybe CPT, maybe something else. Smashing some old plates, exercise…
Anyway lovely, we’re here and sending hugs and some good Arya vibes xxx
Jade,
Merry Christmas to you!! ❤️😊😊🤗🤗
Thank you for the good vibes. Wish you and your loved ones happy holidays as well
We don’t celebrate Christmas here on Dec 25. For me, it’s just another work day. I’m waiting for New Year Holidays.
The weird thing about my anger, that it seems like this blog absobs it somehow. I’m angry now only here sometimes, in RL I have become very calm, nothing irritates me. I’m almost indifferent to anything. I feel like when I talk to people, green digits are falling in front of me.
Again happy holidays and warm tight hugs to you . 💕💕
Hi Arya,
Thank you for writing this comment. I hope you find that which you seek, whether here or elsewhere.
A couple of thoughts about why the blog may irritate you. Take them with a grain of salt.
Possibly the empath bloggers are seen as weak and if you are also an empath, it makes you feel weak. If it helps, many of us are victorious, for having survived narcissist abuse and also for having been here. Given your comment, you are one of the victorious.
Another thought, maybe you are angry that you “need” this place, because that also can sometimes convey a weakness, even to ourselves. As a double ACON empath, weakness was not allowed, I have had to work very hard to overcome that thinking, sometimes people do need some help, and it’s okay.
Anyway, if my ideas don’t resonate, toss them out. All the best to you.
That was helpful to me too AV 🙏
I’m glad Jade.
Hi, A Victor,
I really appreciate your reply❤️.
A person with green monster avatar at DC forum is this you also?
To me, you are the person here, who I admire, respect and I try to reach this level of healing you have shown. I have seen your old posts and the recent ones. And it’s like two different people. You didn’t stuck in the past. You obviously have done a lot of self reflection and worked through your life wounds successfully to reach a peace both at your heart and head. You give me hope.
Yes, your ideas do resonate with me, but it’s more than that. I will expand on this in my reply to Jordy,
Wow Arya, your comment was very touching to me, thank you so much.
I might be a green monster on DC forum, when I can check I will let you know for sure.
I have full confidence you will attain healing also, I believe you are a fighter and as such, you will persevere. This blog, in my thinking, is the best place for it, even though it can be irritating, I understand that.
I’ll go read your comment to Jordy now. 😃
Thank you A Victor. ❤️❤️❤️
I’m a fighter, but I cannot fight a wall.
I’m really happy for you, that this blog has provided your healing.
Happy Holidays 😊❄️❄️❄️☃️☃️☃️
Happy Holidays to you also Arya.
Ary, hi! You’ve been through a lot, love, but you will get better if you put real effort into it. I’ll get straight to the essence.
You’re irritated because:
– You’re experiencing cognitive dissonance from receiving eye-opening information from someone who is both a savior and a destroyer. Your irritation is actually a sign of a healthy psyche. You’d be in a worse position if nothing bothered you, if you ignored one side, or painted everything white to cope with the dissonance.
– Parasocial relationships are extremely binding, more than real-life ones – that’s a scientific fact. Your reward system tricks you. Real life must come first; you need to force yourself to prioritise it if you want to get better and get your dopamine, the reward–promise hormone, from actual life, not just here.
– You’ve been under chronic stress for years, so your dopamine, cortisol, adrenaline, and serotonin system is dysregulated, just like in everyone who comes from abusive relationships. You crave what’s bad for you, but the irritation, hate, and what you think is empathy erosion are actually signs that you can differentiate that something is off, and that you want to move forward from unhealthy dynamics.
– Your emotional system is highly complex. Pain, bonding, loss, longing, morality, love, empathy, responsibility, self-reflection – these aren’t weaknesses, but signs of an intact and responsive nervous system. You’re suffering because you were hurt, not because you are less or inferior.
– Right now you’re thinking through a trauma-operating system, and that’s not the mindset you will have once you heal. You are capable of healing and growing. You’re suffering now because you’re healthy enough to feel.
– The disillusionment about the narcissists in your life is the realisation that you gave your power to a phantom. That collapse of the projection is what creates anger and hate, as your image of them breaks apart.
– That realisation triggers two systems in you:
1. your bonding system
2. your self-worth system
Both are being recalibrated.
The most important thing for you to realise is this:
You will never fall that deep again, because now you understand the pattern. Your psyche is finally on your side. You’re going through a reset, and that is a win.
Hello Jordy,
I have ss your reply for my future reference.
Do you mind, if I behave a bit like Contagious, and just vent all I’ve got on you? You are a tough cookie. I’m convinced you can easily handle it. I will split my reply in a few posts.
You see, I need to talk to someone, who understands Narcissism and narcissistic abuse very well. I My therapist doesn’t get it, and her answers are very typical ones, which I can find at any “mind/soul healing” forums.
Another person who can maybe help me to clarify what is happening with me is HG. But I can’t talk to him (I will elaborate at later posts).
You know, Allison’s reply to my contest made me think. Imagine, if you have an hour with HG and he would do anything you want, what it would be? Based on her reply, it seems she prefers to have a sex with him. Clearly, he is Sex God and he can easily make her experience the best sex in her life. But then, I’ve asked myself, what about me? What do I really want from him? My answer is I would prefer to have a conversation with him, but on certain conditions. Yes, it’s a hard trade to choose his mind over a best sex of your life, but that is what I’d pick. Anyway, it’s just a fantasy. Maybe I will figure out everything myself at some point, will get my answers, so I don’t need him, though it would take longer.
And as you rightfully advise me, I need to prioritize my real life over the blog, so that is what I’m going to do now. Don’t go away, please. Stay. I want to torture you a bit more. I will address other points you made later. Cheers. 💕
P.S. what does your avatar mean?
“Do you mind, if I behave a bit like Contagious“
Contagious has been here for years and I’ve never seen her say a mean word about anyone. She is a loyal patron of HG’s work and is herself a survivor of relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. She has nothing but warm wishes for everyone on the blog. She’s trying to navigate a new phase in her life, sans narcissists, like many others here.
Annaamel, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Though I agree it sounded not as I intended. Venting is good.
Annabel! Be still my heart! How kind of you to say! Want to know a secret? Sometimes I post and then after think… Oh God please let HG not put that comment there. I must stay away as what I wrote that I wished I had not is too embarrassing to me. Then to my ever lasting wonder, I sneak back on because I adore this group, my fellow warrior empaths with our swords held up, and I find it’s ok. Maybe no comment to what I wrote but sometimes…. Wait for it…. Wait for it…a Reply! I then am relieved. I have had disagreements here. I have had people attack me, even name calling me over the years but I look at the big picture. Usually that person is interesting and intelligent and has been a friend. I won’t allow a bad moment to ruin an otherwise mutually beneficial and maybe even loving relationship. Like life, every dog has its day. I do. I did today with the stupidest judge I have ever met…. Ugh….I have learned a lot here and I am grateful. Ever so grateful to HG and the community. Just as we have the right to be respected, we also need to sometimes scroll down, let it go, take a walk in nature HAHAHA and if it is a narc… well we know the golden rule! Personally based on my HG education none of the regulars are narcs. We got some Supers! JK types … the only narcs that I have seen pop in from time to time. They don’t last or maybe HG puts them in his dungeon???
You inspire me Contagious! ❤️✊🙏
Arya: off topic but curious…. Why did you pick Arya out of all the GOT characters? I loved her tomboy spirit, bravery and sense of adventure! Me? My hands Dow favorite is khaleesi… you know the blond single mother who takes on the male dominated world and gets to have regular sex with drop dead gorgeous Khal Drogo… lol “When the sun sets, you cannot see the sun rise.” No more masters, no more chains .” My son and I are huge fans and excited to see House of Dragons 3 next year and the NEW spin off. TWO. Maybe you need a weekend binge. Phone off. Hot bath. TV on. A glass of wine. Just you and the fantasy. Let the real world and all the madness go on outside your doors. Hugs!
Just joining in with this question too Contagious and Arya.
I can see Khaleesi in you Contagious.. for sure! i get the impression “narcsite Arya” and I have some similarities but are quite different on the surface at least, but Arya from GOT has long been my heroine too and I looked very like her when younger as well. There’s a independence and tom boyish strength that appeals to me so much. She reminds me of me before I tried my hand at people pleasing.. ugh. Luckily that old Jade has returned recently ✊ #GOT
Looking forward to narcsite Aryas answer…
Hello Contagious,
Sorry for delay. I finally got a time to go through the “question me” thread to see if I miss someone.
I much more prefer books, a song of ice and fire, over GOT series. Idk, if you’ve read it, too. Characters in the books are not so one dimensional like in GOT. Plus there are a lot of mismatches in terms of events. Not so much cruelty, like for example, stabbing of pregnant girlfriend of Robb Stark at bloody wedding. No raping of Sansa, cause she actually never married that sadist. Etc.
Back to Arya. I like her for her spirit. She is survivor, never gives up. A fighter. For how she executed her revenge. She is funny. Actually, in terms of physical resemblance, I look more like Daenerys out of all GOT characters. Yes, it would be my 2nd choice after Arya, but though, she is no doubt had her own difficulties to overcome on her life path, it was easier for her compare to Arya. She has magic skills, she couldn’t burn in fire. And a couple of loyal dragons also is a big bonus. But I do, ofc, like her too. Another point, in online games, there are so many Khalisse and Daenerys as nicknames chosen by players, that it really becomes irritating to see those two names anywhere else.
And why I’m Arya here. It’s more a coincidence. I planned to keep changing my name, recirculating various characters I like (only popular ones) depending on the mood, for some time and stop at Harley Quinn. But then, I realized it would create a confusion, so I stopped. So now I’m Arya here. Maybe though I do need to change it. To my real name. Be myself.
Jordy, Part 2.
I have re-read and thought about your reply. You made very good points, I really appreciate. The collapse of projection – yes, you arle right, but some other things have been changing in me, too. My approach to sex has altered, after eveything I learned here, DC series and have experienced this year.
I’ve planned to share those recent experiences, and what were happening to me starting when I was 10 years old. Various events and sexual abuses. But I’ve changed my mind, I’m not ready, maybe, at another day.
Thanks again for taking time to write those answers, advice to me. Have a great weekend. ✨️
Hi Arya,
What makes you think that no one here likes you? I must admit I don’t read every thread on the blog but I don’t think I have spotted anyone expressing dislike for you.
Could this be your ET in play? Making you FEEL that no one likes you so that you have ‘a valid reason’ to back away from the logic and the source of information that will help you heal?
If that’s the case, might I suggest a swift kick to your ET’s arse?
If the blog is a distraction from work, maybe set and stick to a specific time each day where you listen to the videos and check in here.
Valid observations.
Hello TS,
When I said that I was emotional. Yes, my ET spikes periodically. Now I don’t think what I have written. I do sometimes or maybe often say things driven by emotional state, not logic. Next day I can think the opposite. Today I love you, tomorrow I hate you, the day after tomorrow I love you again.
“If the blog is a distraction from work, maybe set and stick to a specific time each day where you listen to the videos and check in here.”
So you suggest I haven’t thought about it or tried it? I feel that this blog has ensnared me, and I’m fighting my addiction. And surely, I’m trying to limit my time I’m spending here.
My ET is indeed my enemy. I’m fighting it on daily basis. 🔪🔪🔪☠️☠️☠️💣💣💣🔨🔨🔨🪛🪛🪛🤺🤺🤺🍅🍅🍅🏹🏹🏹🧨🧨🧨👣👣👣
Why the tomatos Arya? 😄 I’m finding the sane with the blog btw. I think maybe there’s things for us to learn still..
Hi Arya,
Join the club! My ET spikes too. The useful thing is that you know it is spiking, I think that’s key to managing it. The more difficult part is when you don’t know you are experiencing an ET spike. That really is problematic.
I think when I arrived here, my ET was stuck on high. I lacked discipline so I was stuck in my own head, unable to push out thoughts of the narcissist. My mum is also a narcissist. I didn’t know until later. Being around her was topping up my ET through cross pollution, so compared to those who arrived on the blog at the same time as me, my ET was still far less controlled than it should have been.
The blog can raise ET but only a little. That rise is offset by the logic and understanding you gain here, so by remaining, in effect you do actually reduce your ET.
I’d suggest that you check for cross pollution. If you are in the company of narcissists, they will keep topping up your ET, so if there are any narc suspects, distance from them at least for now, just until you get the ET down and you start to feel better.
I do think I was gentler, kinder, more loving when my ET was higher, but, the cloudiness, the thinking through treacle, the thought loops, negative self talk and so on that I experienced, were horrible.
You will get your ET down Area, if you are competitive or prone to self criticism, try to quiet that down. It takes as long as it takes for you. It’s a process, stick with the process and you will get the results you are looking for.
Time on the blog is time well spent just now, so long as you meet your work deadlines too! The fact you can relax and listen to the videos or read the articles without your husband looking over your shoulder is a big win. Focus on your wins, like leaving the narc. Maybe try to celebrate your own successes a little more, focus there then you can see how far you have already come. You have already come further than you probably realise.
ET really is horrible, but you’ll come through it and when you do, you’ll be stronger and more self aware than you have ever been. It’s really a great feeling and something to look forward to.
Jade 🤣
Tomatos because of Spain. They are also a weapon.
Hello TS,
Thank you for replying. Sorry for delay.
Yes, I understand. Unfortunately, my high ET doesn’t make me gentler, kinder and loving as it for you. Quite the opposite. I start behaving like a narcissist.
Yes, I stopped dating, and I suspect they were all narcissists. I feel calmer. My ex husband, narc, I still have to communicate with him , because of our son. And sometimes, he manages to get me, that I explode. It’s hard to avoid him, we work together on the same floor. Everything is so unfair, I’m still hurt and sometimes couldn’t believe what he is saying. He has no consciousness or guilt for real. I know he is a narc, but yet it does frustrate me still how I didn’t see it before and was such a fool. And there are other reasons for my ET being high.
Anyway, I manage, I hope.
Hi Arya,
I’m glad to hear you are feeling a little calmer in yourself. The break from dating is a good thing. Sometimes being left alone with our own thoughts can feel daunting but post escape with high ET, dating just isn’t worth the risk. We feel like we need distraction but often I think what we really need is emotional quiet to reset.
You told me early on that anger, and controlling it, can be problematic. Your ET will be capitalising on that. My ET capitalised on the sadness. Different emotional manifestations but the same common denominator, ET.
For you, “ get her to lose her temper, burn bridges, feel isolated so she thinks being with a narc is her only option.” For me, “ Crank up the sadness, get her to withdraw into herself, isolate herself so she thinks being in contact with the narc has to be better than this sadness.” On the face of it we might appear different, and we will be in certain areas, but on this we are all similar. We all have the addiction and suffer from ET and ET is particularly sly in terms of getting us to take our narcissist drug.
There’s no fast answer or magical short cut unfortunately, ET takes time to drain down, but it does drain down so long as you limit narc interactions as much as possible. I understand the work situation and childcare situation but everywhere else, limit narcs or suspected narcs and as that ET starts to fall, there will be more calm days and fewer angry / frustrated days for you to deal with.
We have all felt stupid for being caught by narcs but think of it like learning a language, if you aren’t taught there are other languages to learn, you can’t be expected to be fluent in them.
Take it steady, anger is just a trait like any other trait. A bit noisier, more potential for breakages 😉 Once your ET is lower, you’ll find that trait recedes back into its manageable position. You’ll still be you, just a calmer, clear sighted, self aware version of you.
Dearest lovelies,
“Overthinking” plays an enormous role, we can’t stop questioning
e v e r y l i t t l e thing! Find things to do, one must, it’s mandatory for one’s own sanity.
Declutter and reorganise eg
Clean out your knickers and bra drawer, take everything out of your wardrobe and try it all on, then colour code your clothes, shoes, make up, toiletries etc. Same with the pantry, cupboards and linen press. Clean the house from top to bottom. Garden, read, bake, learn how to knit or croquet, use a sewing machine, clean all your shoes, exercise. Exhaust yourself so much every day with things to do, you won’t have the time, inclination or energy for emotional thinking. Concentrate on doing what makes you happy and smile, not sad and miserable, that includes people as well haha
You’re welcome 😇
Hello TS,
You have described me to the point)) Made me smile. “Burn the bridges” I’ve often heard that from my exes about me. That I like to burn the bridges instead of “working at our relationship”.
Yes, you are right. Limiting interaction with men does help me to become calmer. When I made that decision, it was daunting. Being single or alone has this stigma, connotation that you are failure, can’t build a relationship or no one likes you to chose you. Initially I was scared cause I have never been single for an extensive period of time. Even when I was, I was still looking for to be with someone. Now it’s different. Plus my exes always kept telling me that I won’t survive alone. That I’m naive and easily conned and I would regret leaving them. So far no regrets, only regret that I have is that I haven’t left them earlier, wasted my time on them.
To my surprise, it is turned out that to be a single is not that scary, actually, I even start getting some kick out of it. I do like it. I feel free. I don’t own anything to anyone. I do miss sex though. But other than that, I’m good to be on my own.
I agree with you on what you said about ET. For every empath it’s a different struggle, but still similar at the end. I feel my ET is dropping slowly, but still long way to go. My emotions and anger spike sometimes.
Thank you TS, Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones. 💕🎄✨️ I’m sorry if I was rude to you in the past. As Jade correctly stated, “it’s on you, not us”.
LOVE your practical tips to help avoid overthinking Bubbles! ✊ I started crochet 5 years ago and drawing and painting this year and I honestly think if I’d had something like this when younger I could have saved myself decades of ruminating!
Hello TS,
I don’t see my reply to you. Probably, not going to repeat it again. I agree with your comment regarding ET and you have correctly described me. Thank you. Happy Holidays! 🎄✨️❄️
Ary, hi gorgeous! I’m not going anywhere. I just sometimes need to focus elsewhere, but I will return and check. Just in case, write to me here, because I don’t receive notifications from other threads. And don’t worry, write and vent as much as you need. (What I wrote to darling Contagious was just for her. When she structures her thoughts, it benefits her and others. She is pure emotion, so any kind of structure helps her in reality.)
I loved reading part 1 and 2. If there’s a part 3 coming, I’m definitely waiting for it.
P.S.: The avatar is from the WandaVision miniseries. Wanda is a witch, and Vision is a synthezoid, an AI embodied in a biological-like synthetic body. Two weirdos with ties to the Infinity Stones. They fall in love, and she is forced to kill him to save the universe. After that, Wanda unknowingly creates a magical alternate reality, the Hex, where Vision is alive. It’s not a conscious choice, but a trauma response powered by chaos magic. It is denial turned into a literal alternate reality.
Wanda wakes up gradually from her fantasy, forced to confront a truth she has been avoiding. Because she chooses truth over fantasy, she lets the Hex collapse and awakens when the weight of her own heart becomes heavier than the illusion trying to protect it.
I love this story because it works on three levels: emotional, psychological, and mythic. It is superhero fiction on the surface, but underneath it is universal and about very human things.
Hi Jordy,
What I said about Contagious, I meant in a good day. Not that I mock or something, more as an example. But if I vent everything, what happened/what I realized just this year on you, it would take several posts. Plus I don’t still fully grasp it on intellectual level to interpret it into words. It’s slow process, and I’m affraid I went too far. Though, I’ve decided, I am not going to share it here anyway. I need to find a good therapist. My friend gave me a contact, I will check. So part 3 is canceled. 🎶 (sad music playing).
WandaVision sounds interesting, I will put on my “to watch” list, although you a bit spoiled the ending. I love fiction, but not eveything.
Thank you, Jordy, for your reply. And for the compliment. Though being pretty doesn’t bring happiness. And if you mean soul, then it kind of lost at this moment.
I know, Ary… the soul (✧🤍✧) can feel lost right now. But in truth it is your brain (🧠) that is recovering, and that simply takes time. You have heard this a thousand times before, I know. The signals you are getting from your nervous system are completely normal. And at the same time, you are showing how deeply strong, soulful and intelligent you are. Your mind stays clear enough to let you reflect on what you are feeling, and your body is doing its best to support you.
I just want to emphasise the chemistry again, because it is the first and biggest hurdle, and it can make everything feel “wrong”. Your body is releasing chemicals that create a loop of self-doubt and self-punishment. This comes from how you were conditioned to feel, through reactions that shaped certain patterns in your brain and made them repeat, even when they no longer serve you.
Your awareness, though, is what begins to soften and reshape that inner chemistry. And taking small steps towards a healthier lifestyle, however you can, really does support that.
I am super excited for you, Ary, because I can already see the remarkable person you are becoming. Try to see all that has happened, and is still happening, as a bridge you have already crossed. You are standing on the other side now. In the past, others decided who you should be. Now you are in the land of you, where only you get to guide yourself✧🧭✧
Wow, Jordy, I can’t believe I miss this comment. It was about to cry after reading this. I do have a lot of self doubts, not sure about me being a remarkable person, though it’s flattering to read. I agree, I do feel different. Like I’m learning to live now again with another set of views. My wishes, wants are changing. At many spheres of life, but especially, romantic and relationship with men. I’ve always tried to make men to want me as a priority. It was given me a validation to feel wanted and desired. I think now I want to respect first.
“Try to see all that has happened, and is still happening, as a bridge you have already crossed. You are standing on the other side now. In the past, others decided who you should be. Now you are in the land of you, where only you get to guide yourself✧🧭✧”
I will, Jordy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🧭
You are wonderful person. It’s you who are remarkable. You have such insight into many things, I read your comments and sometimes, I’m like “wow”. I believe not everyone here picks up on how deep you understand many matters. I even in the past, thought maybe you are HG 😅 cause it seems to me that only him could say the things you express.
Thank you again for your response. I ss it as well 😁🤗🤗💕
Have a great Holiday’s❄️
Cognitive dissonance and blog irritation part 2:
You have already made the most important step by leaving the narcissist and facing uncertainty in your real life. Now you are receiving an expert explanation of the dynamic so you can avoid it in the future. But to build your self-esteem back up, you need real people around you who love you, who know you, and who understand the kind of healthy functioning you aspire to. Or you need information that explains that you were never a deficient person in those relationships. You were enough from the beginning of your childhood, but the people around you, who were psychologically deficient, had to convince you that you were one of them, that you were deficient, that you were not enough, and they also treated you as an object to serve their deficient needs, a treatment designed to break the healthy part of your individuality and psyche apart. In reality, you are infinitely more than what they taught you to believe about yourself, how to see yourself, how to feel about yourself, and, as a consequence, how to build and live your life and which people and mindsets to surround yourself with.
The blog is a dopamine labyrinth. That is why you keep coming back despite feeling the impact it has on you as you begin to neglect real-life interactions. The blog/YT primarily provides information about narcissists so you can spot the red flags and avoid those people as much as possible. However, victims of abuse often find themselves isolated in real life, so they switch to building virtual relationships or friendships. This is not ideal, because it lacks human presence. Virtuality gives you the feeling of something real but not the substance, which is irritating for the nervous system and psyche. That is why you react with irritation, which is actually a healthy response, because it comes from your whole organism, which needs oxytocin from the real presence of real people. Those who are numbed in this regard will not experience it and will not be of much help to you, because their nervous system functions differently from yours. Some of them begin to prefer online interactions over real life simply because they perceive them as safer. However, the real goal of this online platform is to learn about narcissists, avoid them, and move on to healthy relationships in real life. This will unfortunately not happen for some of them. For you, however, it is about gaining information and clarity from the blog and preferably from HG, should you opt for a consultation, while avoiding the unhealthy aspects that can arise from online dependency traps, where in some cases addiction speaks to addiction.
It is completely normal that you want to spend less time here, yet still seek clarity and understanding. The best clarity is provided by HG, not the comment section. It is only a matter of time before you realise this and opt for faster clarity. As you said, you can spend time trying to figure it out on your own, or you can save time and address all your questions in a one-on-one setting designed for your personal circumstances, and as a consequence move on with your real life toward the success you need to finally find and enjoy.
If you are aware of all this, and you understand the purpose of the blog and how to integrate the information into your real life while avoiding the traps of addiction, online or otherwise, you will notice things start to improve.
And remember that your mind can understand information instantly and gain clarity, but your body lags behind in adjusting the chemistry that was built through old habits. It’s like knowing a cigarette is bad for you while your body still craves it. It’s the same with any addiction. So don’t underestimate the physical pull even if you understand everything, and don’t judge or punish yourself for it. Just know that you need to put conscious effort into recalibrating so that your body and mind can get on the same page.
Jordy,
It’s kind of late for me. I need to go to sleep, so I will read your comment more carefully and process it tomorrow. No one understands me. And everything is more serious. I have suicidal thoughts now on daily basis. I need a professional help. Not the blog.
HG cannot provide me clarity. I don’t want ever to interact with him in any form. He is an enemy for me, not a friend. I can’t even send a trait detector now. Don’t want to open up to him. And I don’t like when he puts his legs on top. I have been thinking to put my foot in a shoe as a comeback. In case, I suddenly, disappear from the blog, thank you for everything, Jordy. 💕
“But to build your self-esteem back up, you need real people around you who love you, who know you, and who understand the kind of healthy functioning you aspire to.☝️
I’d second Jordy on this, Arya.
I keep hearing HG say in his Ask HG videos that we don’t necessarily need to “heal” so much as remove ourselves from the influence of narcissists and it will happen naturally… I’ve found this to be true in my journey so far and it sounds like you’re finding and reclaiming some of these relationships already too.
Arya, as I’m going through comments I overlooked and left unanswered, I came across this reply from you:
“I have suicidal thoughts now on a daily basis. I need professional help, not the blog. HG cannot provide me with clarity. I don’t ever want to interact with him in any form.”
Understood. There are two things.
First, the more you read things like “you’re a toaster,” “you’re an object,” “you’re a weakling who can be easily manipulated and abused,” the more depressed you become about yourself. This framing is not designed to make you feel good about yourself. It is designed solely to explain how narcissists view you. Furthermore, there is a gap in the classification labels. You read terms like Elite, Greater, Ultra. These are all high-status identifications. Empaths, on the other hand, are classified in a much simpler, lower way. There is no label that gives them an equal, high-status sense of identity. The value of an empath is often discussed here (in comments) in terms of their value to a high-class narcissist, which ultimately reduces to object use.
Second, you are receiving all this information from an authority figure, an Ultra, who is describing how he and his kind position “you” as inferior. Because it comes from an authority figure, you can unconsciously adopt a childlike position in which you feel compelled to agree. If you begin to internalise these stances (“I’m a toaster, an object, a fuel source, and that’s my only function”), you start to dehumanise yourself, which directly undermines the self-worth you are trying to rebuild. HG has said in the past that building people up is not his field. He provides the truth about his perspective and how his kind sees their prey. If someone needs to be built up, they need to seek that elsewhere, from people who focus on that. The comment section sometimes tries to compensate by building self-worth, but it is tricky. People want to help, yet many are still partly operating from the “I’m just a good toaster” mindset themselves.
If you are having suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, then professional help is necessary. This is serious. Understand that no narcissist is worth your life. They are damaged individuals who would not care whether you are alive or dead. But you must care about yourself, because life is a mystery with many doors you have not yet opened. You don’t lose so easily to death. Death is easy and comes to all of us. Living, discovering, and experiencing what others never will is what you fight for, and you win because you can.
Everything you have been through, and are now beginning to understand and let go of, is exactly what gives you the momentum to change profoundly. HG’s work has been a blessing in my life. I have learned so much about people, about narcissists, psychopaths, and empaths, and I am grateful beyond words. It showed me how unimportant many of the things I once valued and believed mattered actually are. What truly matters is the mystery of life itself, not the petty concerns I used to, or people in general tend to, obsess over.
There is so much for you still to discover, sestrenka. You are very powerful. Please understand that. ✨💞
Ahhh, Jordy, now I did cry. Especially, sestryenka❤️❤️ I lost my brother, we were very close. He was calling me like that. Though I technically was a bit older than him, I always felt he was older and wiser than me. He led a crazy, hectic life, taking everything he could from it. I miss him so much. 😔
This is such a touching message, Jordy. You are killing me in a good way.
Yes, about suicide. I won’t. I do feel better lately, since I wrote that message.
“But you must care about yourself, because life is a mystery with many doors you have not yet opened.” – I will check them, yes. Just need to find them first. And the keys to open. Who is the keymaster? I recall the episode from Matrix. Yeah, so I took the red pill. 1st step is complete. Now, it’s time to push some doors and take a look. Eeehheeyyyaaaaa..bam
“What truly matters is the mystery of life itself, not the petty concerns I used to, or people in general tend to, obsess over.” I understand what you meant, but I’m not there yet. I need material things, money and I concern with how I look like still. I’m happy for you, that you are over them.
To be continued….(regarding the healing)
Part 2
” If you begin to internalise these stances (“I’m a toaster, an object, a fuel source, and that’s my only function”), you start to dehumanise yourself, which directly undermines the self-worth you are trying to rebuild. HG has said in the past that building people up is not his field. He provides the truth about his perspective and how his kind sees their prey. If someone needs to be built up, they need to seek that elsewhere, from people who focus on that. The comment section sometimes tries to compensate by building self-worth, but it is tricky. People want to help, yet many are still partly operating from the “I’m just a good toaster” mindset themselves.”
That is exactly what I have been thinking about and you put it in words precisely. Yes, when I listen to those HG’s videos where he talks about toasters, objectification, dignity belongs to me etc, I feel depressed and angry after them. My knee jerk reaction is to write at comments section: “f..k you..you are an awful human being”, but then, ofc, I would write : “thank you, HG, for a great video”. I understand his intetion, it’s just still my mind sometimes refuses to accept it.
About the blog and the build up. I didn’t know that’s what HG said. Makes sense. And I totally agree with you. Does this blog indeed provide healing or it’s an illusion and we just gaslight each other?
At initial stage, I do agree, when a victim just came from a narcissistic relationship/abuse, with bewildered eyes and open mouth swallowing down without chewing all the shocking information provided by HG (as it happened with me), the healing does indeed happen. The dependency on your narcissist decreases, clarity gained and consequently a freedom from him (or her) obtained. But after that, I’m not sure.
Have you noticed, Jordy, there is no men here who stuck for years? Why is that? Don’t men also need a healing and buildup as women? From narc abuse? I think, the answer to that is pretty obvious.
For me personally, it would be very beneficial to have some men empaths here, on the blog as well. I want to know how they think. To me, they are unknown creatures.
Anyway, thank you again for your so warning comment on this cold day. It made my day ❤️❤️❤️ Сестрёнка. 🤗🤗
Hi again Arya 👋 flagging up Josephina’s comment elsewhere today on cognitive processing therapy. I thought of this after reading all that you’re going through and her comment reminded me… I did this daily for a few years when my shit hit the fan about five years ago and it was really helpful to get all my anger and bile out towards all the narcs and arseholes I’ve experienced.. 🤮 and in a safe way for me without worrying about how it landed etc 🙏
Thank you, Jade. I’ve heard about CBT. Yes, I will check.
No problem Arya, but it’s CPT, not CBT (cognitive processing therapy, not cognitive behaviour therapy) and you can learn how to do it online…
Thank you, Jade.
Jade:
What do you think about AI therapy. Billions use it now and it’s 10$ to 30$ a month? I am asking because my best friends daughter has autism and BPD and has been in and out of hospitals for 7 years now. She is thinking about it. I have no experience really with therapy so I am asking you and anyone else here?
Hi Contagious, I use chatgpt myself on occasion to vent and process (sort of like CPT as mentioned above) and have hands down found it better than multiple therapists however I don’t know
1. About paid versions and how they work
2. The person you have described on other posts and the level of need she has. AI has been found to be sycophantic, make mistakes and can loop into psychosis itself so I think caution should be exercised.
It was only in my forties when I realised about narcissism and started validating myself that chatgpt materialised at a time that worked for me but I’m not sure if it would always be the right move. Of course the lower barrier to entry with cost helps if there’s no other choices but I’d suggest a risk assessment….
Arya,
I think your emotional thinking may be trying to con you. This blog gives you education and the ability to see the narcissist clearly. Your ET wants you ensnared by a narcissist. Your ET sees Mr. Tudor and the rest of us as obstacles. I think the logic bulletins on the addiction to the narcissist might be very useful too. There was a point when I wanted to stop being here too. This bulletin helped understand why that wasn’t a good idea.
https://narcsite.com/2025/10/18/the-addiction-triple-package-46/
Leigh,
Great comment, I forget sometimes how ET can blind us, thank you for the reminder. It is for those reminders that I stick around sometimes, I still need them.
Thank you, AV.
Thank you, Leigh.
Yes, I have this package and I’ve listened to it. Maybe I should re-listen. By being here, I feel like I’m betraying myself. I cannot tell more. That makes me angry, cause it means I’m weak.
I don’t know what my ET wants. Haven’t talked to him for a while. I’m mad at him, too. But I know what I want, at least, I think I know. I’ve been to gynecologist recently, and she asked me: “are you planning any more pregnancies?” My immediate logical response was “no”, but something inside me screamed “yes, yes, I really want another child”. It was so weird. Was it ET? Or my hormones?
Though to be honest, if I do meet an empath, a man, better also Super, like Doug, so he won’t get scared and run away from me, when I’m angry, thinking I’m a narcissist, then I indeed would be happy to have another child and maybe redeem myself as a mother. But before to engage in any relationship, I need first to sort out myself. Cause it’s a mental mess right now.
Arya,
I really think its your emotional thinking trying to con you. Thinking you’re weak is another way our ET cons us. Our emotional thinking will tell us things to con us so that we stay involved with the narcissist. You’re ET is telling you that you’re betraying yourself and that you’re weak for staying here so you’ll leave. It doesn’t want you here because this blog and Mr. Tudor weaponizes you and keeps you away from narcissists. Staying here doesn’t make you weak, it makes you stronger.
I think your confusing emotional thinking with your emotions. They are two distinct things. Although our emotional thinking can cause some emotions to come out. ET stops us from thinking with logic. I think that’s what’s happening with you right now.
I know its not easy but its important to try and recognize when you’re ET is starting to climb. Anytime it stops you from seeing the evidence or self doubt starts to creep in, that’s ET. You being angry at Mr. Tudor is stopping you from seeing the evidence. I know Mr. Tudor is a narcissist too but I’ve heard someone refer to him as suboxone. It really is a perfect analogy.
Thank you for writing this to Arya, Leigh and I agree (and also with what AV said about empaths and “weakness”). I spent most of my life thinking I was weak as I am empathic but when I realised about narcissism over five years ago, it slowly dawned on me that I’m actually incredibly strong, in various ways..that’s why AVs message resonated. I see myself completely differently these days and the same with Arya… If you described to someone all the things you’ve been through.
.. They’d be in awe of your coping abilities, right?
I think the lashing you I referred to with you the other day is also reserved for yourself mostly… Talking to yourself worst than the narcissists ever would…am I right ? Ps listen to leighslogic 🙏
Thank you so much for this comment, Jade!
As empaths, we are incredibly strong and its often the narcissist that’s weak. We can survive without them. They can’t survive without us.
Yes, I have to often remind myself to not listen to my own tongue lashings of myself! Its always a work in progress for me.
No problem, and I agree Leigh. It’s definitely work in progress for me too! It’s funny, when I realised about my mum, it made me much clearer on who I am too. It was quite profound. I can see why HG offers both the narc and empath detector because seeing yourself clearly is as important as seeing the narcissist.. and they’re also intertwined. But yes, once we realise we can live without them, it’s a while different game, isn’t it? 😏
It really is a whole different ball game, Jade. Knowledge is power!
Thank you, Leigh and Jade for your comments 💞
Pleasure Arya. I hope you’re doing ok this week xx
Dear Arya,
You have a beautiful name, and from what I gather it means noble and honourable. From your comments, it is clear that you are a super empath. And you have found HG’s material, since you are here. Technically, you do not have a problem, yet you have a million problems. From a simplistic point of view I would say you have nothing to worry about other than the fact that you get slightly carried away by your emotions and that you judge yourself for it. That adds extra pressure, which is unnecessary. The narcissists in your life have probably added enough stress for ten lifetimes.
I myself have been surrounded by narcissists my entire life, and I am also an empath. HG’s test confirmed that I am a standard empath.
Here is a bit of advice. Forget about sex for a while, seriously, especially if you need it for stimulation or validation. Narcissists will be the most intoxicating to you because of how all this works. Forget about it. You have nothing to lose if you remain celibate for a few months, yes months. On the other hand, you have everything to lose if you chase orgasms with narcissists, because you will not be able to think straight. I am sure you are a smart woman, probably attractive too, so use your energy for something else until you have calmed down enough to make informed sexual choices. I know it is hot to do the dance and get carried away by the intensity of everything. It is not worth it.
If you are still not turned off, then read HG’s book Sex and the Narcissist. You will better understand how a narcissist experiences sex, which is very different from you. A real turn-off actually.
Also, as I said above, do not be so hard on yourself for spending time on this blog. Most people who comment here are very kind, well informed, and have unfortunately been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, which is exactly why they came here in the first place, myself included.
I have no clue what your life has been like, whether you are still entangled with narcissists, or what your goals are. But you should be proud of yourself for finally finding the right information. It will help you in the long run.
If your therapist only triggers you, fire him or her. Honestly, who cares. I have friends who are still deeply entangled with narcs while also being in therapy, so clearly it is not helping. Many therapists are clueless about narcissism, and some of them are narcissists themselves.
Last but not least, hanging around here sounds like much more fun than tacky karaoke nights where nobody can sing but everyone wants to shine. That sounds like a narc hunting ground, and do not forget to put your high heels on, some man might notice you!
On a more serious note, do not judge yourself so harshly. Everything will turn out fine. Recovering from narcissistic abuse is not a walk in the park, but it is absolutely achievable.
Ps: Take another look at Jordyguin’s comment. Everything she says is very accurate.
Dear Amusedempath,
I really appreciate your kind message and advice. Thank you. A bit unexpected. You’ve got a mysterious avatar.
Tbh, Arya, is not my real name. Arya, is for Arya Stark. Love her character in the books. Plus I was a clan leader in one of online game, which in fact led me here, to discover HG Tudor. My clan name was Wolf. And my title was Psycho Killer. Long story. Nonetheless, I do hope I’m noble and honorable, at least, inside.
I’m still in the process of learning myself, what it means being super. Also, I think my emotional state is partly connected to my Geyzer cadre as well. I’m triple hybrid, and one of them is Geyzer. I hope you are happy for being an Empath.
Sorry, that you have been surrounded by narcissists. And I’m glad you got rid of them. So far, I did only 2 Narc Detectors, which confirms narcissists. Maybe I will do more on some other people later.
I left my husband, a narcissist in January this year, and we officially divorced in April.
About sex.
Yes, I understand what you have written and I agree. I have been celibate since Nov 15, and not only physical, I stopped any virtual, long distance communication with men, too. Intoxicating – yes. I learned it hard way.
I had some type of an emotional breakdown this year during sex, after another intense round with one guy, good looking, gym body, good size, we met several times. Out of the blue, I felt completely overwhelmed and fell/kneeled to the floor, started weeping, crying and screaming. It’s like a dam suddenly broke off and all the memories of various sexual abuse I’ve experienced in my life started to flood into my head. I kept screaming that I’m not a whore. I’m sure I looked absolutely mental at that moment. Something has changed in me that day.
After that I tried to date one more time, taking slowly. He seemed kind and normal at first. Only one red flag that he kept smearing his ex wife, he got recently divorced. We had good sex, even broke his bed. Once, he tried to strangle me with a hand during the sex, and in the past, I always enjoyed it. But this time, surprisingly to me, I didn’t like it at all. I told him to stop. I lost all desire at this moment. He said sorry. I think he found someone else after that while still dating me, disappearing, lying, I broke up.
So right now, I’m vacillating between wanting sex and at the same time, the thought of having sex with a man disgusts me. I thnk I hate all men now. This is messed up. I do hope it’s temporary state of my mind, and I recover. I believe it’s connected to what I’ve learned here. I don’t want to be treated as an object anymore. I would rather stay single for the rest of my life. I have toys, a lot of different toys. All are gifts from my 2nd husband, though I didn’t ask for them. I think he bought them for himself to use them on me and record. Recording was his thing, no doubt.
The book: Sex and the Narcissist. Oh my.
It was the first book I read by HG Tudor. After approximately 3 weeks, since I found him. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I kept having a sicking feeling in my stomach and was about to vomit. Having flashbacks into my past. Especially weird, it was arousing sometimes, too. Like your body reacts in one way, but your mind in opposite way. I’ve recently re-listened 2nd time a few DC episodes. At the end of Professor (one of my favorites) he said a phrase which I missed when first time listened. He said DC series designed to enable you to understand more about narcissists, narcissistic dynamic , but most of all – Who You Really Are.
This last phrase got stuck into my mind lately. I have been thinking about it.
Oh, while typing I was called by boss to drop by to her office. I thought she would say, that I’m fired, cause I worked awfully this year, missing deadlines. But no, actually, I got a reward, a cash bonus , for a good performance this year….wow, a pleasant surprise. Probably, she nominated me out of pity, though she told me she received a positive feedback about me from our major contractor.
Anyway, my response got too long.
Couple more points.
This blog, and in general, the whole HG Tudor world is a strange place. At least, for me. Like you are being fucked at the top of Pinnacle. I mean metaphorically. And the body is the mind in this case. The knowledge and change is forced upon you. Though I took a parachute with me, so I can jump from the top whenever I want. Maybe it’s only me and others sees it differently. Or they never got to the Pinnacle, just walking nearby under the rain. Or never got to the top. Or it’s always sunny for them and no need to.
“On a more serious note, do not judge yourself so harshly. Everything will turn out fine. Recovering from narcissistic abuse is not a walk in the park, but it is absolutely achievable.’ – thank you ❤️ I hope so.
“Ps: Take another look at Jordyguin’s comment. Everything she says is very accurate.” I know. Yes, I did. It takes a few reads for her comments to settle in for me.
Dear Arya,
Sorry for my uber late reply, I only just saw responses to my comment. The “Question Me” section is so loaded I sometimes miss replies. Better late than never, lol.
So funny that you found HG through an online game. I don’t know much about the gaming world — do people discuss narcissism there too?
I am not familiar with the geyser cadre since I don’t have it. I scored very strong Carrier, strong Magnet, and some Saviour. My sister is a Super Empath. She is a few years younger than me. She doesn’t fuck around, let’s put it like that. Neither do I today, but we are slightly different in that regard.
Most of my life my empathy was used against me, as I was unaware of the core dynamics. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and am damaged on multiple levels, although I am doing much better now. I have been healing for ten years, and now I finally understand the dynamics one hundred percent, thanks to HG.
Being surrounded by narcissists is shit, for sure. Good on you for leaving your husband. I left my ex in late summer of 2024. We were never officially married, but it felt like a marriage because we had a kid, and for a few years I held on to the idea we would make it work. You can never make it work with a narcissist.
HG’s narc detectors are really good stuff indeed!
Sex is tricky with narcissists. I have also suffered sexual abuse from being in a relationship with one. I have mostly been celibate since leaving my ex, though I got ensnared online by another narcissist this year. We never met in person, but we definitely sexted a lot. That is when I returned to HG, because I realised I needed help. I originally found HG’s YouTube channel in 2021 and watched quite a few videos, but I got triggered, blocked his channel, and decided never to think about narcissism again, lol.
Wow, crazy sex experience you had with that gym guy! I am happy you feel like something changed inside you. Healing sometimes comes from the most unpredictable places. Yes, they sure like the strangling thing, though not all of them. At the moment I honestly do not know what I think about it, whether it is inherently abusive or whether it can be consensual. Maybe if we strangle each other or something.
I also enjoy sex, but like you, I do not want to be treated as an object anymore, so at this moment sex is not relevant to me. A relationship is definitely irrelevant right now. Sex with some types of narcissists will probably always be attractive to me since I am impulsive and easily bored. However, I do find narcissism itself to be a total turn-off. All in all, I need time for myself now after everything I have been through.
Congrats on your cash bonus! Empaths notoriously underestimate themselves.
Yes, narcissism is a deep and dark place, but the darkness does not have to consume you. With logic, compassion, and patience for yourself, you will go a long way ❤️
“My sister is a Super Empath. She is a few years younger than me. She doesn’t fuck around, let’s put it like that.”
Ha! Love this AmusedEmpath. I think my sister might be one too. 🎯 I’m very much not “super” as far as I can tell by self assessment but am channeling it more these days when needed. (I did a mentaphorical “karate chop” on my uncles behaviour via a birthday card to me the other day, to nip it in the bud. That would have scared the shit out of me five years ago but I just felt proud of myself. He’s got a lot of “form” 😒).
Dear AmusedEmpath and Ary,
Indeed the book Sex and the Narcissist is a complete turn-off. And still, I have come across comments that treated it almost like erotica, saying things like: now that I know what awaits me, I can have my hip knocked out safely. Or comments such as: what if I use narcissists just for sex?
Even with everything they had learned, some still believed this was normal and that it was somehow acceptable to let their body and mind be used in ways that ultimately harmed them. They remained in a mindset where they viewed themselves, subconsciously and sometimes even consciously, as an object.
They were willing to dehumanise themselves despite clear, logical explanations of why that was damaging.
My understanding is that, this self-esteem issue is what allows empathy for oneself to fade. Psychologically, a sense of dignity had slipped out of their thinking. And the idea of gain, in the form of an orgasm, became a way to seek validation and relief from stress. Empaths often carry higher stress to begin with, and their nervous system naturally looks for something that feels like a solution. But sadly it becomes something very different…
Dear Jordy, please call me Arya. Not Ary. Though it’s not my real name, still. I would appreciate. If you don’t like me calling you Jordy, let me know, I will type any lengthy name for you.
I will come back to your message later 💕
Jordy, please disregard my earlier message. I like you calling me Ary.
Hi Jordy,
This is very true what you wrote. I actually thought the same way as those readers till recently. Probably they have failed yet to realize that a fantasy and reality are two different things. We cannot use a narcissist for just sex. It’s impossible, we are invariably end up being hurt in one way or another. Me, personally, require intimacy. I recongnize that now.
Plus, though I’m majority super, I still have 19% of co-ed. I don’t think I have ever been triggered to behave as co-ed, but still there is a risk. I don’t want to play with fire and test what those triggers are by interaction with narcissists in any form.
Dearest Arya,
Sorry you are experiencing such devastating personal trauma lovely, part n parcel of narc association unfortunately.
You have one child correct, may I ask how old?
Dear Bubbles,
Thank you. I have two angels. Daughter from 1st marriage, she is 17 and son from 2nd, he is 7. They don’t live with me, unfortunately. For some reason, my both husbands always tried to take them from me. And they eventually succeeded. I hear all those stories how men leave their offsprings with their mothers. But in my case, it’s different. My 1st husband was in contact wkth our daughter almost everyday, once I left him. One time, even stole her from me for a year, I was devasted, then she came back. Anyway, I guess that’s just type of men I chose.
Dearest Arya,
I know it’s difficult, however, please don’t blame yourself. You were shown a facade and ensnared.
It’s certainly not your fault, as you are a good and trusting person.
Mr Tudor’s blog is a constant reminder, extremely upsetting and confronting, however, it’s about changing one’s mindset and focusing on learning, understanding and healing.
Jumping that hurdle is the hardest, once you do, it’s so freeing and rewarding.
You have two precious children to focus on.
You’re one smart cookie Arya, you’ve got this, even if you don’t think so, always remember that !
We are all here for you
Dearest Bubbles,
Your reply made me cry. ❤️❤️❤️ People here on the blog is unbelievably kind and understanding. I’m shocked and so touched. I regret that I ever lashed out at anyone here.
Yes, I’m trying not to give up and be in the lives of my children as much as possible. My daughter is coming tomorrow, I’m very excited. Finally we would spend a New Year holidays together without my ex husband. We can just relax and have fun. Holidays in the past was a torture for me.
Merry Christmas, Bubbles 😊❤️ I’m very sorry about what is going on in your country. I have been to Australia. Very beautiful country. Unique. People were all nice and kind. Though I was once bitten by a poisonous ant or spider, and was paralyzed for half an hour. It was scary, I thought I was about to die. I have a few friends who live there. I wish all the wars and aggression in the world would stop. But unfortunately, history has shown, that it’s inevitable.
“For some reason, my both husbands always tried to take them from me. And they eventually succeeded. I hear all those stories how men leave their offsprings with their mothers. But in my case, it’s different.“
Hi Arya.
I’m sure some narcissist men do run away from their parental responsibilities but it also seems very common for narcissist men to maintain control by asserting their custody rights leaving women to legally wrestle their children back from their ex partners through the courts. Many women on the blog have done so successfully and HG offers specific services and resources to assist parents in your position to regain custody or at least gain equal time with your children.
“Yes, I’m trying not to give up and be in the lives of my children as much as possible. My daughter is coming tomorrow, I’m very excited. Finally we would spend a New Year holidays together without my ex husband. We can just relax and have fun. Holidays in the past was a torture for me.”
I remember when it all unravelled with my mum, I read somewhere that the ability of a parent to apologise and acknowledge issues was the one most important thing to adult children. I completely agree with this and whilst I feel for the narcissists (from a distance), it is so true. When they have no ability to reflect or say sorry, it’s sad on both sides, as nothing can move or change.
However you do have this ability and you’re working on things. ✊ A narcissist parent can’t do that. That’s your “super” power amongst many other things. You got this. 👌you may even end up even closer as a result. Ps have you told your daughter about HGs work?
Dearest Arya,
Awwww, thank you for your sweet reply lovely one. Crying is good, especially for one’s soul.
Sadly, any form of lashing out from narcissistic abuse is part n parcel and to be expected (as long as it’s not a lashing from our illustrious Mr Tudor hehe ) We’ve all been there lovely. No one is going to think less of you, it’s part of the healing process and all that bad juju must go!
🎼Shake it out, shake it out ooh whoa 🎼
Yes, we have a lot of interesting creatures that bite n sting. Sorry to hear you were bitten. Ants do pack a punch. Our creatures are considered pets here haha. We have grown up with them, respect and learnt to live side by side. However, it’s not them I’m worried about, others are more deadly …. they come in human form !
I’m thrilled for you to be spending time with your daughter, enjoy every minute lovely one, you deserve it
Best wishes dear Arya
Dear Jordy,
Apologies for my late reply; I just realised I had received replies to my comment.
Yes, I don’t know why people fetishise or romanticise sex with narcissists. I guess that’s okay if you don’t have emotional empathy. I cannot do it. I have to be careful with sex because after two or three encounters I get emotionally attached to the person, even if I don’t necessarily like them very much or initially thought they were not my type. It does not seem like I am built for casual sex, as I will ultimately end up suffering.
It is a core problem, isn’t it, being viewed as an object and being so used to it that you participate, or in my case, participated, in being viewed as an object. A narcissist will never tell you, of course! They will tell you how you are the most beautiful woman they have ever seen, how much they love you, oh, they will sing for you! Invariably, I was an object in all my sexual encounters with narcissists, but I didn’t really know it at the time. I did not feel very good, and I always blamed myself. Surely I must be the problem!
I also think that self-esteem had something to do with it. I had quite low self-esteem growing up with a narcissistic mother, or I don’t know if that is entirely true, but I lived with overwhelming feelings of shame and guilt for a very long time. Maybe that ties into self-esteem in this sense. I did not know what boundaries were, and I did not respect myself. I always had a lot of pride, and I am pretty judgemental, so there were some things I would never get myself into, luckily. I still got myself into enough trouble, though.
For me, it wasn’t the orgasms. I could not have orgasms for a long time because of a first sexual relationship, which was sexually very damaging. I could have orgasms by myself but not with someone else. I was looking for love, for connection, for validation, in all the wrong places.
Dear Amuseempath:
What a beautiful comment and good advice! Welcome! Happy holidays!
I agree with Contagious, AmusedEmpath (that auto corrected to AbusedEmpath ironically.. your name is much better! 😄). Thank you for your insightful comment to Arya, which helped me too. Happy Holidays!
Dear Jade,
Hahahah, this is hilarious. Abused Empath!! That is definitely true, lol. I much prefer to stay amused these days, though. Humour is a good coping mechanism and shield.
Absolutely AmusedEmpath! Very important to laugh when we can! 😄
Dear Contagious,
I just saw all these replies here. Thank you! I hope you had a nice Christmas. Happy New Year!
Hello Arya:
Congrats on doing the ET! It sounds like you have been going through a lot of changes, struggles, and of course you are affected as you are human. Your physical health was not mentioned as one of life’s biggest surprises so that’s good. My mother always said if you have your health everything else is surmountable. I love this saying too… it’s not the most intelligent or the strongest that survive the best, it’s those most adaptable to change. Change is a process sometimes painful even when you are doing the right thing like divorcing a narcissist. But you are strong, smart and capable… you will get to that place. One day you will be walking along and you will go…” hey wait? What is this? Oh my, I am feeling happy! “ Hugs. HG consults are always helpful. Always.
Hello Contagious,
I can’t believe I missed so many comments addressed to me.
Yes, I don’t like to brag about it to anyone, but I do have quite a good health and genes. Tyfu, Tyfu…
Funny (or not so funny) thing about blame shifting by narc, that my 2nd husband literally was accusing me of being healthy. Last few years he was suffering a lot of problems with health, “because of me” that I broke his heart and betrayed him. He kept visiting many doctors. He was accusing me for his health problems and couldn’t understand why I was fine. He kept saying it was unfair and it should be me who was suffering. He wished me to get unhealthy! How is that for love? Though I wasn’t fine, mentally and emotionally I was total mess.
He was also blaming me why I didnt have any symptoms when we had Covid and he was in fever, joint pains etc. I have never taken Covid vaccines. And both my husbands accusing me for sleeping less than them in terms of hours. They were saying that something was wrong with me. They couldn’t believe how I still function. No, I’m not a psychopath, but I’m a bit weird in this regard, I don’t need so much sleep as normally people required. I always took advantage of that during 2nd marriage, cause it meant a few hours for me without him checking what I’m doing.
Yes, I totally agree with your mother. Health is very important and I try to stay healthy. Eat healthy, exercise. I’m not in perfect shape, but I’m getting there now. I cut on alcohol, wine recently. Only if I go out with some friends, I drink. For some reason, I don’t need alcohol anymore, not like during marriages. And I can drink and dance till 6am with no problem to amazement of my exes, friends, colleagues, how the hell I can do that and don’t drop dead. I have never been the one who would say, “okay, it’s too late, maybe we should wrap up and go home”.
“it’s not the most intelligent or the strongest that survive the best, it’s those most adaptable to change” I thought you don’t support evolution theory, since everything created by God. But, yes, changes are good and painful sometimes. All my life something kept changing. I even haven’t lived in one home/place for more than 3 years. I kept moving all the time.
“One day you will be walking along and you will go…” hey wait? What is this? Oh my, I am feeling happy! “ Hugs.” Yes, I will.
Thank you Contagious for your concent and comment. I really appreciate, I do. I’m a bit shocked how kind people are to me here. Not everyone, but still a few for sure. ❤️❤️❤️
Also Arya: we share this in common. My ex husband ( the first) sued me for full custody. I was shocked and harmed. I spent 100,000 fighting him and when the money dried up, learned family law and represented myself. And I went full throttle. This rich rich man with his top dog rich soul less lawyer got 20% after a two year battle. His lawyer said to me that he had never met anyone like me, a fighter. I replied: how does it feel to have a profession built on destroying kids for money and hung up. Guess what custody can be changed?Wish I could help you legally. But don’t give up! With custody, it’s never over. I was worried at the time with all his money, he would buy her. But the top psychologist who diagnosed him ASPD and called me a “ mother bear” said “ yes they will be lured by the money…. But they also follow the love….. she was right. Damn her. I wanted 100%. I felt she gave 20% to Ted Bundy. But she said not all psychopaths are blood thirsty , some can be good fathers. Let her be daddy’s princess. This women was right. Her achievements made him proud and in return he showed up and….. took all the credit. lol. I never bad mouthed him and supported the relationship and spent all my money on the kids without any from him and without complaint. It was all worth it! My very best to you always. I hope you take the bastards down. Sword up!
Your stories are insane and inspirational at the same time Contagious! 😅 I don’t know his you do everything you do lol.
Oh yes, he wasn’t well. He wasn’t well in the HEAD, that was his problem. What a whiny little bitch.
I wish I had the sleep need of a psychopath. Unfortunately, I am a sleepyhead. Without enough sleep, I really cannot function.
Yes, good choice to cut down on wine. Wine will make you fat if you drink too much of it regularly, especially white wine or rosé. Better to drink vodka or rakija, albeit in small amounts. I also stopped drinking a few months ago. Not that I was an alcoholic, far from it. I am just not feeling it at the moment. It is part of the healing of my nervous system, lol.
Evening HG, I’ve noticed quite a few times that unaware narcissists in social situations often don’t seem to like each other as much as the non narcs. I’ve wondered if there’s a subconscious fight for fuel..?
They have a subconscious need for control and fuel, unlike non-narcissists, which can result in a clash between those competing for those resources.
Yes that makes sense. Thank you HG.
Hi Jade,
I agree, that is an interesting dynamic to observe. Enjoyed your question about it, and HG’s reply.
Thanks AV. it’s interesting isn’t it? Realising it’s less that the empathetic people are “more popular” and actually that they’re “tastier” .. gulp! 👀
Yes, that’s a disturbing thought. When I read your comment, my mind went to my parents, I saw this dynamic throughout my childhood in both public situations and at home. It was disturbing even then.
Yes, very disturbing AV. It really is like the vampire analogy. 😬
Hi Violet,
I can’t remember the exact video where Mr. Tudor talks about his twin. Its escaping me right now. I just logged onto the Knowing HG forum though and I did a quick search. If you have access, go back through the older comments and you’ll be able to find a conversations between Mr. Tudor and some other bloggers that you’ll find helpful. The comments were from 2020.
Thanks Leigh!
Hi Leigh, I’m learning more about negative fuel and it being more potent than positive, atm. Eye opening. If my historical relationship was a narc, this world explain a lot. As mentioned re conflict, a narcissist probably won’t get much negative fuel from me. I hang in too long lol and don’t argue unless absolutely necessary. Understanding that makes a lot of sense. It is easier to understand the importance of classification of narc and empath and how they fit together (or not). The only missing bit of the puzzle is it seemed like he wasn’t seeing anyone else but if he was a narc, who knows 🤷♀️ maybe I just didn’t see it. I still feel “complete” about it like I never have before. 🎉
That’s true, Jade. He may have wanted negative fuel from you and when you didn’t give it, he saw no reason to stick around. Narcs give tests in the beginning to see how well they can control you and see what your fuel output is like. Maybe you failed some of his tests. Wouldn’t that be fantastic though?!? Those are some tests you want to fail!
I’m beginning to realise that’s probably what it was Leigh. I’m glad I was a bad student now!! 😛Haha.. what a dick lol 😉 (or fuckface!). Swerved a bullet there…
I’m not sure if my reply has disappeared Leigh but yes! A fuckface swerved thank god! Sometimes it’s just the thought of spending nearly a decade thinking I was in love with him.. ugh! 🤮
It’s so beautiful, I wanted to write this last year. It creates a New Year’s mood. ❄❄❄❄❄❄❄
How uncanny.
HG makes it snow on the blog, and I wake up to our first snow of the season in Kansas this morning. Outside it’s drifting down exactly as it is here on my phone.
Impressive.
Yeah, snowflakes❄️❄️❄️…Winter is coming…
If , the Prince amongst all men, adored and admired by everyone , approves, I suggest to have some fun on the blog.
Couple suggestions. The game is called a Shapeshifter. At the end, a reader with the least votes will be blocked and kicked out of the blog. No…I’m kidding. She (or maybe he) will be forever cast out to the Miserable Forest of Diisengaged Empaths. Where, everyday, they will have to discuss their exes (narcissists) with fellow Empaths. The phrases, words, which are mandatory to use there, at least once per day are the following:
How could he? What an asshole! I gave him everything! He is a douche canoe, I hate him so much, I still love him, he broke my heart into pieces, He destroyed my soul, She is such a bitch, what did he find in her? I still want him, he was the best sex guy ever, He stole my money, The stare he gave me was so chilling, to the core, He took everything, I will check his profile just one more time, please just last time, Why? GOD Why? It hurts so much, He stole my sanity, I’m an empty shell now, I’m now celibate, couldnt look at other men, Maybe he will come back to me? etc, etc.
So as you can see dear blog readers, it’s a pure torture to be in that forest, therefore better to put some effort to win.
Another game we can play, is similar to a Squid Game (green light, red light) though, in our case, it is called: White Object, Black Object. The loser will be either shot at the spot or even worse than that – she will be punished by application of Devil’s Toolkit, such as: triangulation (feels like a knife stab), silent treatment ( unremovable grip on the heart, not too hard, so you can still breathe), gaslighting (head spiining), etc etc, you know the drill.
Who is in?
Crikey Arya! 🥴 I like your imagination 😉
Thank you, Jade.
No problem Arya.. but I’ll sit this one out! 😉
Only if I get time alone with the DM. I’ll do anything to come out on top. I’m not against putting my thumb on the scale.
Or on the bedpost.
Allison )))
When I see DM, I immediately think of Depeche Mode. I guess you meant here our glorious Dungeon Master.
Well, I picture as a top price – a blue potion of absolute Self-Love, a green cure to remove any addiction to narcissists, a red pill to delete any obsessive thoughts and one week all inclusive at Maldives.
But who needs these shity prices, when you have get a chance to spend time with Hurt God, right? I understand. We are all here at the same dungeon.
But unfortunately, I cannot guarantee this prize you prefer. I have no control over him, surprisingly. I may try to ask, but I don’t want to end up here as a falling snowflake. Maybe you will do it? For the team.
Anyway, it seems only you are enrolled (and me). Not enough participants. Show has been canceled to a further notice.
Love your sense of humor. 💕
Ha. We get turned into a falling snowflake if we fail.. forever stuck in narcsite ❄️😥 why don’t you all and Allison battle it out to start Arya? The “gentler” empaths can tend to any mid fight wounds or limb removals!! 😄
Jade,
It looks like me and Allison have different goals to fight for. So we have our own path to battle through.
A lot of snowflakes may bury and kill the Witcher for all his deeds. We just need to unite into a snowstorm. Work together.
Hahahahaha, I am rolling on the floor laughing, Hurt God. This is so good. I’ll take the green cure, thanks.
Hahah, hilarious! Good games, good games. Everyone who has been involved with narcissists has a lot of funny stories. It wasn’t fun while it was happening, obviously, but being out of it and looking back, it is just so ridiculous that it becomes funny.
I agree AmusedEmpath! Hubby and I have a list of “funnies” we say to each other sometimes that have come from the mouths of people in our respective families! It does help reclaim something and ease the pain somewhat 😅
Yay! I love when it snows!!! 🌨 🌨 🌨
I love that a narcissistic psychopath would think to add snow effects to their blog, HG 😄❄️❤️
Just making the place as cold as me, Jade.
You’re cool indeed HG 😉
There was so much useful education in Dr Christine Bishari’s series HG, thank you. I loved the eyebrows discussion too! 🤨
I thought I’d post part 7 here as the end discussion on ways to flush out/ identify narcissists early on irl, was so helpful. I confirmed another narcissist ex friend who i’d pretty much confirmed but the wandering hands point (with my partner on first meeting him) nailed it! 🥴 Also my mum has done many of these.. “don’t worry that your house might flood today, I’m talking!” and feeling left out when I complimented my sister on something specific to her!
https://youtu.be/_tp-KyvcIpM?si=D5sul6CZ_mSfX2Mh
I watch people much more these days (I used to be focussed on “do they like me” and people pleasing) and it’s amazing how much is there when you are able to look.
One more narc (the one at work who gaslit me the first time I met her who’s now left) was such a bad actress, pretending to try and remember something she’d “heard about me”, that my narc radar went right off. With her, I knew her boyfriend at work (my boss) was some kind of narc from my dealings with him so before meeting her I felt there was a high chance she was an empath or narc and she confirmed the latter within minutes and further when I challenged her. I know I’m nowhere near your level but it’s really empowering to feel these skills develop. Thank you.
Glad you found it useful.
Oh, HG! The snow is back! I love it! Xx
Hi Arya, Leigh, Josephina,
I went through chatgpt and found this re HGs twin (see comments).
https://narcsite.com/2022/10/08/forever-wrong-upon-the-throne-9/
I am sorry for your loss, HG. ❤️
Thank you for this, Jade.
But I read all the comments under the article and became very upset.
Words are unnecessary here.
It is upsetting, I agree Josephina. 😔
Thank you, Jade.
Undoubtedly, it’s a beautifully written article, but I don’t believe it’s genuine. It’s a manipulation. He is faking, mirroring the emotions, to get a reaction from the readers. Pretending that he can exprience a regret like you or me. He is incapable of doing that. He is cold and detached. His sister was just an object. Maybe a very precious white object, still not a person. Her death was simply a threat to his control, nothing else. He cannot feel sadness, and this article seems like he does. It’s a lie. But we, who read it, feel sad and sorry for him. Though, I don’t anymore.
I think from what I have found HG has said as such, Arya as he was already a narcissist by then. I believe he was unfairly blamed for what happened too which is effed up. 😕
Hello Jade,
What would you answer to the following statement: “Life is not fair”.
Do you agree or disagree?
Neither. I think it’s fair and unfair.
Hi Arya. I tend to agree with you about HG writing in such a way that leaves empaths so spellbound in emotional thinking as he laughs amused at how we are misinterpreting his actual feelings or lack there of. I do, however still really enjoy learning more about him for some reason. Haha. I think he has his own emotions that are within his own range that while might seem really shocking to us that feel different emotions, actually make sense at the injustice he endured and we all feel the injustice too. But what do I know?
Hi Violetfire,
It seems to me that what is much more “amusing” for HG to observe here is how:
1. Empaths completely fail to recognize their own kind. An empath does not understand whether they are communicating with another empath or not (they doubt it, they are unsure). Empaths try to classify each other into schools and cadres and get it wrong.
2. Narcissists do not realize that they are interacting with other narcissists.
3. Empaths do not realize that they are interacting with narcissists.
4. Empaths think about their narcissists in a way that does not correspond to who those narcissists really are — they incorrectly assign them to schools and cadres.
5. What forum participants “should” or “should not” do in order for others to draw certain conclusions.
6. Narcissists who think they are empaths.
7. Empaths who think they are narcissists.
8. Empaths who think far too highly of themselves, in ways that are not actually true.
9. Empaths who, even suspecting that a person is a narcissist, continue to interact with them, falling for one provocation or another — or even not falling for them, but still continuing the interaction and thus providing the narcissist with fuel.
(I find myself in many of these categories….)
It seems to me that all of this dynamic is precisely what HG is researching here. And we, as participants/readers, gain enormous benefit from it — we are learning.
In my view, absolutely everyone involved in the process gains something from it. I would even say we are in a kind of symbiosis.
P.S.I highly recommend consultations with HG. After them, it truly feels much easier to breathe and to rethink one’s experience. We have a unique opportunity to speak with him and to learn from him.
What makes me sad is only one thing — that I did not discover his work earlier.
Hi Josephina. Haha! The list you made is so true and very funny. As a newcomer to the blog it’s wild to observe the dynamics on here. I’m learning to just listen to HG and form my own opinions and take others opinions and “facts” with a grain of salt. 🤪
🤣🤣 yes, Josephina, I agree, it’s totally fucked up.
Me too Violet Fire. Though I’ve been here maybe 5 months now so maybe am getting indoctrinated! 🥴 I have wondered where some of the old school bloggers went went I read older comments 🤔
Great comment Josephina, thank you for writing it.
Jordyguin. I got that movie reference. That’s when they all die. But that’s not what it’s like for a newcomer on the blog at all. Maybe they aren’t as familiar with HG or his work but if a long-term commenter such as yourself posts misinformation and misleading links on multiple occasions and you have such proximity to your master. That feels like a set up. Especially when teachers pet types swoop in to correct things making the newcomer look foolish for falling for the misinformation. But it’s the master that triangulated the whole thing and becomes obvious when he praises the favored commenter for the “correct” information. That’s triangulation and a manufactured hierarchy of “correctness”.
I know this won’t get published. 🙄
Do avoid comments like “this won’t get published” it just makes you seem petulant and attention seeking.
HG- I’m not petulant nor attention seeking to bring up what happened on a blog I was interacting with where I got triangulated when I’m here in good faith. Aren’t we supposed to be learning about narcissism? I thought my comment might be a little too honest to be published.
Then why bother writing it if you thought it wouldn’t be published?
The comment is a passive aggressive method of seeking attention and securing posting.
Just write what you need to write.
Also HG, everyone knows Jordyguin is you. So when you post misleading information about your own work in multiple places and then someone new comes along believing it but then a long-time commenter swoops in to save the day, and “correct” it, then you praise them. That’s triangulation no matter how many of your sock puppet accounts like your comment about my “petulance”. 🖐️
This one’s definitely not getting published.
This one is getting published.
Refrain from the “this won’t get published” comments they are petulant and puerile.
Jordyguin is not me. I only ever post under my name.
You have no credible evidence to support this.
Your observation comes from a position of bias as evidenced by your off blog communications.
Violetfire
You can always exercise your critical thinking ability to believe what someone has sent you or told you. You are not a newcomer to the blog, you have been here since August, five months, like Jade. And I think JP. You keep complaining that you want to get information directly from HG and that you don’t like that other readers interlope and give you the replies.
But I haven’t seen you posting a question to HG directly anywhere here on the blog. If you want his exclusive attention and other bloggers replies irritate you, then go to “question me” , put ” Dear HG,…. dear other bloggers please don’t respond to me” Voila. No one is trying to set you up. I personally very much appreciate (prefer), when other readers here react to my posts and provide their prospective or advices to me. It gives me an opportunity to see my situation from others point of view and reflect on myself. I’ve learned so much here from reading others comments. Not necessarily addressed to me, all comments in general. This blog has helped me understand a lot about myself.
Mr Tudor has run this blog for 10 years, ofc, many of our questions probably have been already answered in the past by him. To expect him to be as active as he was at the beginning would be strange and rather entitled.
Be greatful that he is still here and not close this blog yet. It may happen any moment, you don’t know what is in his head.
Btw, are you the one who was trolling TS at YT? I know it was someone from the blog, but I couldn’t figure out who was that. Maybe it was just some blog lurker, cause I don’t see how anyone from here is capable of doing it.
Also I got a feeling Jordy has left the blog, or maybe just busy, so she won’t see your comment, but even if she does, she probably just laughs it off.
“Be greatful that he is still here and not close this blog yet. It may happen any moment, you don’t know what is in his head.”
Nerd that I am, I’ve spent a lot of the holidays going back to read this whole thread (worthwhile btw 🤓 ).
NA said something like this a few years ago Arya and there was a discussion about this not originally being created as an “empath support forum”. HG allows some space beyond discussing narcissism directly but it’s at his discretion. I’m aware it’s also not a directly profitable endeavour and we’re fortunate to have be here at this time with HG answering our questions.
VF- I wondered when I got here about whether HG would manipulate us and have not seen any evidence of this, in the slightest. He often exhibits more patience than we do each other imo! 😄 I’ve not been able to purchase anything yet but he’s answered every one of my many questions here and been a huge help.
Jade 😊
Good for you. As for me, no I haven’t checked the old posts on Question Me, I have hard time to keep up with current one, everytime I scroll down I find a new post, which wasn’t there before.
I’m sure many share the same position as NA and myself. And you are right about patience))
Tbh, I’m just confused by what Violefire is talking about. And now when HG has written: ” off blog communications”, I assume there is something going on between Jordy and Violetfire outside the blog, and there is another platform, where people also communicate.
Anyway, I hope this drama is over.
Ha Arya! I’ve had a lot of time on my hands recently but as ever with HG, I’ve learnt more so always worth it. Also us empaths seem to have to been having spats since the beginning! 🤷♀️ Yes, I’m not sure what’s going on either.
Ps I wrote you a bit of a grumpy comment the other day.. I think it is in moderation, sorry. Sometimes time lines don’t match when the comments are moderated. I was confused about your YT reference tho.. 🤔 it’s good to see you sounding a bit happier. ✊
Ps thanks for all the moderation time HG. 🙏 I can imagine some days it would feel like spending a lot of your time for us, with no thanks, & to watch us argue with each other! 🫠 I know you’re a narcissistic psychopath but everyone has their limits!!
Violet fire: years ago people were interviewed by HG. As I recall, Jordy was one. She is not HG.
Jade 😊
Grumpy comment))) I like the word grumpy. No worries. I expect such comments from people here towards me when I log in. So when I see a kind comment, it hits me more than grumpy ones. I always check this blog in full armor ready to fight. Though I still got hurt.
What YT video?
I’ve been thinking about this more and I think if anyone could reliably “pretend” to be another commenter, it’s HG, of course. We do have to take his word for it but for me, I believe he’s not doing this with the present discussion or in other older discussions where other people thought he was someone else.
I imagine this blog is where the “core” supporters are and it wouldn’t be the best move in terms of his legacy and as he’s said before, he’s not a stupid man. I just don’t see it.
Arya,
When HG mentions “off blog communications”, it may simply mean that VF wrote him some emails. I do not think there is anything more mysterious going on than that.
All that nonsense about HG impersonating someone else – of course he could easily do that if he saw any use in it, but what use would that be? He knows that it would only hurt him in the long run. And if he ever did want to play a game like that, HG would most definitely not be so clumsy as to cause everybody and their dog to cotton on to it. He has successfully kept his identity hidden for ten years while having a prominent Youtube channel as well as many other public internet activities, he would never invent a character so obvious that people start claiming that this is HG. If he really wanted to create an alternative identity here, none of us would ever have the slightest suspicion.
“Hi Josephina. Haha! The list you made is so true and very funny. As a newcomer to the blog it’s wild to observe the dynamics on here. I’m learning to just listen to HG and form my own opinions and take others opinions and “facts” with a grain of salt. 🤪”
Thank you, Violetfire. I think you’ve voiced an excellent plan!
Josi, Violet, what you wrote here made me remember how it feels to be new to the comment section, lol. I’ve reached my word limit for the week. (hope the links work.)
New commentators: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCPfUvRL0BI
Long-term commentators: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oUER5DQcMk
Hey Josephine: it’s normal for newcomers to the site to think HG disguises himself. He doesn’t of course. I always suggest a direct consult that would answer the questions;) I do!
Nonsense, Violetfire. HG is not Jordyguin, and Jordyguin is not HG.
Take a comment like this one from Jordyguin (https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-26/#comment-467326): “Dear TS, I hug you!! I need to go on vacation (to assert control over my cat, lol). I know you’ll understand. I’ve been too hyperactive on the blog again. I’m leaving you with Joa; we’re kind of exchange students)))
I love you very much, and my darlings, you know who you are” with a bunch of emojis added at the end.
For one thing, as has been stated repeatedly, it would not be worth the hassle and the risk of damaging his reputation if it ever got out that he screws with his readers like that. He would be runing everything he has worked for these past ten years. Such childish pranks would immediately identify him as an idiot. HG is not an idiot.
Again, this is not a style HG would adopt without having a damn good reason to do it. Just messing with readers is not enough of a reason. Do you really think HG would get enough of a reward out of such a prank to justify him making up comments? Not only does he not have the time for it, he also has far better opportunities for such games in real life, where he will receive the corresponding reaction directly from the person he is playing with, to his face. A few measly drops of written-word fuel from a bunch of tertiary sources are not going to tempt him into investing a minute’s time into such an endeavour. We are not nearly important enough to justify the investment. If you think otherwise, all you are doing is overestimating your own importance. People will misinterpret what he says quite on their own, he does not have to lift a finger for that.
Saying that HG is leading all of us here down the primrose path also undercuts your statement of being here in good faith.
Logic. Pure logic.
Thank you AP and I’m pleased to see you applying my work so effectively.
My pleasure, HG. If someone wants to smear you, they better bring some solid evidence.
Sorry to lower the tone (I think I’ve been watching too much of amber heard and #mepoo 💩) but this felt like it could be read two ways AP and HG! 🫣🤣
“My pleasure, HG. If someone wants to smear you, they better bring some solid evidence.”
Dirty, dirty girl!
Okay, Jade, now you turn to explain me your dirty thoughts. I didn’t get it. I feel like an alien now with all the reindeer talks already.
May I play a Devil’s Advocate here?
💩
I have typed a long message, but then decided not to send it. Whatever really. Doesn’t matter anymore.
Happy New Year, everyone! Wish all the best to you and your loved ones in this upcoming 2026. Let it be interesting, exciting and narc free. ✨️✨️✨️💕💕💕💃💃💃
Thank you all for giving me your feedback and support in this life-changing year for me 2025. Sorry If I have offended anyone with my comments. ❤️
Amber Heard and #mepoo.
haha, Jade – that’s hilarious!
Hi Arya, not so much my dirty thoughts lol big “smear” and “solid” 💩🤔🥴
Ps thanks for your lovely messages to us all ♥️♥️♥️
Lol WN 😂 sorry for my toilet humor y’all 🚽💩🧻
Oh, I got your joke, Jade))) 😅 phew…
“Oh, I got your joke, Jade))) 😅 phew…”
You can now write #mepoo 😉
Hey Arya: I disagree slightly. HG became a narc 0-9. We don’t know when or precisely why. Still waiting on his book little Boy Lost. His twin died not much long after. I think his twin causes a flicker or a memory, as close as he can get to empathy based on her being a twin, close and before he became a narc. HG obviously admired her greatly. Protective. Why? Was she just an object? An extension? Was she a reminder of his humanity before?
Yes, Contagious. It could be the case with his narcissism. But not with his psychopathy. As I understood, he was born as a psychopath. He has never experienced empathy towards anyone. He has never loved anyone or has been attached to anyone. Including his sister. Death of another human being is just threat to his control and lost of fuel source. He keeps saying people are just playthings to him.
Arya: I agree but pets and irregular sisters can be a great toy! Even psychos don’t want me losing their favorite toy. Especially a twin.
No need to ask GPT, ask the readers and they will tell you. In the Knowing HG Series 1-9 and in the Clue Hunters private forum (access provided after purchasing the KHG Series), some information about the twin, Sloane, can be found. Sloane’s demise is one of the key events that shaped HG and also moves into legacy territory. The Clue Hunter experience reveals how HG placed information on the blog which provides insight into the events that shaped him and how they play a role in the legacy and other matters.
From the top of my head, besides “Forever Wrong Upon the Throne,” some of the relevant articles are:
Ice Cold https://narcsite.com/2025/02/15/psychopath-ice-cold-3/
Don’t Fail Me https://narcsite.com/2025/09/02/dont-fail-me-15/
You Said We’d Always Be Together https://narcsite.com/2019/03/18/you-said-wed-always-be-together-2/
Scapegoat https://narcsite.com/2025/10/21/scapegoat-25/
Shade https://narcsite.com/2023/06/29/knowing-the-narcissist-shade/
Thanks for this Jordyguin and for taking the time to put the links together.
Hey Jordy: I wish more would participate in clue hunter…..Jade you would love it! Please join!
Aw thanks Contagious ❤️ I think I’ll have to do less here rather than more soon as I have a house move coming up but thanks for asking ! x