Questioning Me

Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.

1,475 thoughts on “Questioning Me

  1. Duchessbea says:

    HG, I have gone through this thread a couple of times and reading the latest endeavour with the good doctors gives another deeper insight into the person that you are. I don’t think, no matter how much we pry, we will ever get to see the real version of you, and from previous articles I know you do not like to show or reveal yourself, as the creature is something you don’t like to dwell on. When you say ‘Questioning Me’, there are so many questions that I want to ask, very deep questions, and yet I know the kind of questions I want to ask you, you will most definitely not want to answer. Your knowledge is phenomenal. I have never met anyone else with such a finely tuned understanding the way you know. I find you the most fascinating, interesting and complex man and I know no matter how hard we try to pry information from you, there is a level that even you are not willing to go to, and you are a very deep man. I’m drawn to you. While you captivate and fascinate me, I know you are the fine line not to cross, and yet I can’t get enough of you which makes it all the harder to know that in meeting the ‘silver tongued ‘devil” I would be on high alert and my insides would be screaming to move away. (But I also know, there is a little part of me that would be willing and daring to see what would happen.) Go Figure.
    Best,
    DB

  2. FYC says:

    Hello HG, I hope all is tickety boo with you and yours. Very generous of you to entertain our questions. I have many, but I will just ask one: How is your progress coming along with the KHG series? Will we see a new edition soon?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not in the immediate future.

      1. FYC says:

        HG, thank you for your reply. I have noted that some of the questions posed here are answered in the Knowing HG series and I am certain all readers would find it very worthwhile reading.

  3. Enthralled says:

    If I were to ask a question it would be = what is your new years resolutions if you you have? and your fav christmas present you got – if you celebrate? 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not indulge in New Year´s resolutions, there are irrelevant.
      Do you mean favourite Christmas received ever or received during Christmas 2022?

  4. thoushaltnotbeignored says:

    HG. Hello. There’s a powerful love/hate, hate/love dynamic when it comes to you. I’ve listened to, and read, hundreds of your articles. The facts are, to me, sometimes you sound so beautifully “sweet” (an anathema to you I’m sure) in some your analysis that I feel such an incredible warmth towards you it’s disarming. At other times I feel overwhelming disdain and only want you to suffer. I’ve questioned why I remain interested. I have a theory why this is so – wondering if you could tell me yours – for comparison.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Clarify what it is that you are interested in.

      1. TBS says:

        Why I remain interested in you …

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          TBS,

          I think there’s a certain boyishness about HG at times, this might well be the endearing part you allude to. It’s a difficult element to reconcile with the rest because it appears unintentional.

          1. A Victor says:

            Hi TS, and TBS,

            For me it’s the straight up sex appeal and part of that is the take charge demeanor he has. I feel like he’s always in control of a situation and that is so sexy to me. He gives the cold hard logic in such a sensitive yet straightforward manner, it makes me melt!

  5. KitKat says:

    Who is your favorite actor to play James Bond, and which movie would you recommend beginning with for someone who has never seen a single Bond film?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Henry Cavill.

      Casino Royale – the one with Daniel Craig.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Casino Royale……..hmmm, yes. That chair…..

      2. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Yum.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          HG, is Mr. Superman-Cavill an Empath? I have heard him speak at some interviews and he was extremely sweet and funny. Of course he could also be a sneaky Greater showing off his charismatic façade…

          1. HG Tudor says:

            You need to use Know the Narcissist or Show Me the Empath.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Mmm. Show me the Empath, baby! Haha. Thank you, HG!

          3. Contagious says:

            Sweetest I don’t know true or not but a lot of controversy of his treatment of women in the Witcher set. It’s said he was almost fired. I don’t know I live in LA. True? Not true? But the same was rumored about Harvey and others. I don’t know.

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Contagion, thanks for the update. I know nothing about him; I was recently just showing his picture to a woman I know who was saying she couldn’t find anything attractive in British men, ha! as if she had dated the whole British Isles! I hate xenophobic generalizations. And soon after I saw HG’s comment and it made me giggle. If Cavill is seriously like that around women, though, he is indeed perfect for the James Bond part.

          5. Jasmin says:

            SP,
            Have a look at his past girlfriends.

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Jasmin, what do you mean? Anyway he’s just a beautiful man, period. I thought he sounded like a nice guy, now he’s probably another somatic narc. Nothing new under the Hollywood sun.

          7. Jasmin (SOTF) says:

            SP,
            The number of girlfriends and their apparent ‘status’.

        2. Truthseeker6157 says:

          SP, I’ll take your yum and raise you!

          He’d have to stay in character as the Witcher though. ALL the time.

          Xx

      3. crowcatmk says:

        For me Casino Royal is the greatest because Mads Mikkelsen as Le Chiffre is the most believable villain the Bond films ever had + it has Eva Green.

        I see there is big online support for Henry Cavill to be the next Bond, so he might actually get the part.

        I don’t like him, don’t know why, but there is something fake about him.
        HG wrote somewhere that Bond is beyond doubt a narcissist, so I think it is quite likely that Cavill as according to HG the right candidate for the part is a narcissist as well.

      4. Anna says:

        Excellent choice HG. Henry Cavill is an amazing actor. I loved him in “The Witcher” His performance in superman was also amazing.

        Casino Royale. I loved this book by Ian Fleming. I think it is the Bond as Bond really would have been. We also learn in this film why Bond loves his Martini, shaken not stirred.

  6. Kit Kat says:

    Describe an instance when you have changed a deep-seated, core opinion or belief of yours upon discovery of new evidence or information. What were the circumstances that led you to re-examine?

  7. Nadine says:

    Dear HG,

    what is your education and have you ever worked in some profession?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Postgraduate.

      Yes.

      1. Contagious says:

        Are you Paul Weller?

        1. KitKat says:

          I love how we all just randomly guess any man who is British and even remotely possesses a quality of HG’s. But HG, if you are Paul Weller you HAVE to tell us.
          It’s like asking a cop if they’re a cop—you are legally bound to disclose yourself upon detection.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I am not bound to tell you anything, you ought to know that by now, KitKat, I suggest you take a break.

          2. Anna says:

            Paul Weller is from Southern England.

            HG’s accent sounds neutral but sometimes the way he pronounces words it sounds more like he comes from the North.

            Absolutely lovely accent HG. Like a Thespian from Shakespeare!

            Everyone here uses a pseudonym! HG is HG Tudor of course.

          3. Contagious says:

            Silence is a verb. He is Paul Wellet! Lol

        2. Another Cat says:

          Contagion, I don’t think Paul Weller is a narcissist.

          Neither is the guy who looks like him, Jeremy Irons. They both show empathy in their behaviours.

          /my last two

      2. Anna says:

        Fantastic.
        Masters or Phd? Or both?

        What line of work are you in? For example- Medicine, Transport. Media, etc

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I have a variety of “interests”.

          1. Anna says:

            Yes, it is always good to keep the brain stimulated. Variety the spice of life. Learning a new language is also good. Keeps the brain active!

          2. KitKat says:

            No doubt of both benign and nefarious varieties… I would inquire about the latter, but you are correct: I have been around long enough to know that you’re more likely to break off a piece of me than divulge such provocative particulars.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            I do enjoy a KitKat, but I always need a fifth finger.

        2. KitKat says:

          What a coincidence! So do I.

  8. Kit Kat says:

    What is your favorite Roald Dahl book or short story?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Flying Solo.

  9. Anna says:

    Question time. I love it. ❤️

    What is your favourite alcoholic beverage?
    What is your favourite meal?
    Do you prefer red or white wine?
    What is your favourite holiday destination?
    Your favourite music?
    Does it annoy you to be around people?
    Do you ever need time out to relax and just be by yourself?
    Did you ever do a personality test to find out if you are an ENFP, ENFJ etc?
    If so which one are you?
    Do you personally feel that people with mental illness get a raw deal and are chastised?
    When did you realise that you were different from other people?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      None, I am not drinking at the moment.
      Roast empath.
      It varies.
      Scotland.
      Screams of victims.
      Sometimes.
      No.
      No.
      No.
      When I was a boy.

      1. Leigh says:

        Anna says, “What is your favourite meal?”
        Mr. Tudor says, “Roast empath”

        LOL! That tickled me.

        Glad to see we’re off the shelf, Mr. Tudor. Even if its only for a minute.

        1. Anna says:

          Off the shelf and into the oven to roast…

          1. A Victor says:

            Hahahaha, that’s hilarious!!

      2. Duchessbea says:

        Happy New Year HG and everyone. Only came across this thread now. Don’t know how I missed this before. Lol great answers. direct and to the point. Love it.
        Best,
        DB

      3. Contagious says:

        My top ten:
        1. Do you dream? As I recall “ no.”
        2. Why?
        3. Do you think psychopathy overtakes narcissism?
        4. Do you think cluster B should be eliminated in the DSM?
        5. Do you believe in God? No. Why?
        6. How does shieldmaiden stay with you? Why? How is your relationship any different than any narc- empath relationship?
        6. Is the world run by narcs and psychopaths like Putin. We know how they get there. Any benefit?
        7. Do you see any benefit of empaths in the world outside of fuel for narcs?
        8. Are you in entertainment?
        9. Why do you think empaths are learned behavior when so much is unknown on dna, genes, the brain?
        10. Why does are brain work more when sleeping then awake? Do you think that it’s possible there are other dissensions? Ok that was 2. Lol and unlikely you know but hey!

        Thanks btw you are brilliant

        1. Jordyguin says:

          HG mentioned being familiar with Old Hag Syndrome which is a form of sleep paralysis. This indicates that he IS dreaming. Sleep paralysis is a transitional stage (you’re not sleeping anymore yet remain in the dreaming awareness) which can be used to return to dreaming (advanced stages also) or just wait out and wake up fully.

          People describing having hallucinations, the otherworldly presence that may occur in that state of sleep paralysis, are rather a form of perception of what is usually excluded from the perception of the daily life — new strands of what could be perceived so to speak. The mind would try to interpret the new stimulus and assemble it in a familiar form, giving it bizarre features plus the fear (of the unknown, new stimulus) will kick in and do the rest, thus the nightmare effect; horror genre interpretation as it is indoctrinated in our system to encounter everything that is new or unusual in a frightful manner. That state is but an indication of you having a good predilection for dreaming as you transition from dreaming stages where you perceived other strands of reality (usually).

          1. Jordyguin says:

            Oh and I forgot to mention the most important thing; I loooove listening to The Horla!!! And The Ride of the Magi!!! And The Haunted Chamber!!! It catapulted many eye opening dreams for me✨T💙Y✨

          2. Anna says:

            I have experienced sleep paralysis. I used to sleepwalk as a child. It then stopped and occasionally I will experience sleep paralysis. It occurs mainly during an afternoon nap.

            Jordyguin thank you for the detailed explanation. Could you also be so kind as to point me in the direction where HG said he also was familiar with it? or if HG could? I would much like to read that. Thanks.

          3. Contagious says:

            HG old Hag. I think nought. Lol

          4. Jordyguin says:

            Hi Anna:)
            Here it is. It’s just a short mentioning.
            https://narcsite.com/2016/09/09/shifting-the-sands/#comment-34251

          5. Anna says:

            Jordyguin

          6. Anna says:

            Jordyguin.

            First sorry, double post as I pressed enter too quickly, silly me!

            Thank you for the link. I will check it out!

      4. Anna says:

        1- Why are you not drinking at the moment?
        2- In your opinion, do you believe that empathy is dying out like the dodo and because of our society, it’s norms that narcissism is on the rise?
        3- Red or white depending on the dish that it served? For example red for dark meats such as lamb, beef. White for chicken, and fish? or the occasion?
        4- Why Scotland? Does it have memories for you? The beauty? Food? What makes it special?
        5-Screams of delight and joy? or pain or fear? or both?
        6-So narcissists like to be around people? I guess being a hybrid people do not bother you? So is it more antisocial people like sociopaths and or psychopaths in your opinion that do not like being around others?
        7-Why not do a personality test just for fun?
        8-So you think that those with mental illness and treated the same as everyone else? If so why?
        9- When you were a boy. What happened that made you realise? Was it when you pushed the boy into the stinging nettles? or was it something else? Please share.

    2. Enthralled says:

      Did you ever do a personality test to find out if you are an ENFP, ENFJ etc?

      My empathic son and narc ex are both INTJ – so not sure if is relevent to establish most likely type. The one thing I do remember was doing it with my ex and needing to remind him to be honest on nearly every other question! No idea what it would have come out as if I had not prompted this… rolls eyes…

      1. Anna says:

        Hello Enthralled,

        Yes I did, and I was shocked by my results. Apparently I am an ENTJ.
        I actually did a genetic test too and you can see what “traits” you have in your DNA. According to my DNA results I am supposed to be an introvert. My assumption is that the environment can sometimes trump genetics. I was pushed by my parents to become extroverted as a child. “Don’t be so shy” etc…. I find it fascinating.

        I was just interested in what personality HG has out of curiosity. Much as the same as the favourite holiday destination. Not because of narcissism.

        1. annaamel says:

          If I were to take a guess at HG’s MBTI I’d be confident on T instead of F, fairly confident on J over P, I’d lean towards N over S and I’m not too sure about E/I as I see potential for both but I’d probably stump for E. Which would make him ENTJ.

          1. Anna says:

            annaamel, very interesting indeed.

            I can imagine HG may also be ENTJ. It is also known as the “commander”

            I am still shocked that I myself am an ENTJ…

            However, it has nothing to do with narcissism as it is a personality test. What is even more fascinating is the dark triad test. There is a light triad test as well.

            Of course, we can only speculate about HG. We only know what he divulges to us.

          2. Jasmin (SOTF) says:

            Intuitive over realistic? Hmm🤔.
            I agree with you on the other letters however.
            We will only know if HG does the test and is willing to share the result. I don’t know if do so would serve the prime aims?!

      2. A Victor says:

        My ex’s came out identical to mine. Go figure.

        1. Rebecca says:

          AV,

          I took a personality test last night, the Jungian one, I think it was called. I got the results of the INNOCENT CHILD and the OLD MAN. 😆🤣 That’s me on every test, polar opposites in one person….White Wolf/Dark Wolf again. I’m both the Lion and the Lamb. I guess most people have two sides to themselves. Just found the results gave me a giggle.

          1. A Victor says:

            Rebecca, that is interesting. I am opposites also in my makeup on certain tests. I have recently learned that this comes often as a result of trauma, go figure. I relate a lot to your results, will look that one up. Thanks for the comment!! Nice to see you!

        2. Jasmin (SOTF) says:

          Largest provider of character traits.
          Or mirroring? Maybe both..

          If they were to do the test accompanied with a friend, wonder if they would get the friends result or the IPPS’s?

          1. A Victor says:

            Great question Jasmin. I thought it was so odd at the time. Now it makes perfect sense.

        3. Rebecca says:

          Hi AV,

          I didn’t know that, figured it’d be from trauma, seems like trauma is the root of everything…If you take the test, please let me know your results, if you wouldn’t mind?? Thanks and nice to see you too. Xx

  10. Kit Kat says:

    A duo diagnosis of narcissism and psychopathy sets you apart from the vast majority of narcissists. In your work you often use examples of situations and scenarios that are a part of your own experience.
    When educating about narcissism, how do you remain objective as to which behaviors are due to narcissism and which behaviors are due to your own psychopathy?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am taking about my experience therefore they are subjective, however, since I consider carefully what I write and talk about and do so on an evidence-based approach, which is how I approach my decision making as a whole, my experiences which I share with you come from a position of relative objectivity.

      1. Kit Kat says:

        Thank you for your reply, and for this thread.
        I appreciate the opportunity to ask in-depth questions which explore the breadth of your expertise.

      2. Joa says:

        Answer worthy of a Master 🙂

      3. Savoy Truffle says:

        I’ve been wondering more or less the same thing. I know you have narcissistic traits as well as psychopathic ones. But I don’t always know how to tell them apart in your writings.

        1. Anna says:

          Savoy Truffel

          Very interesting. Please do tell. Did you do a dark triad test?
          I myself score highly on Machiavellianism.

      4. Anna says:

        HG….

        Have you tried/done the dark triad personality test?
        Narcissism
        Psychopathy
        Machiavellism

        If so, what percentage did you get in each? just curious to know!
        Oh do tell!

      5. Contagious says:

        I thank you. You are the master of narcs. But psychopathy is different. Both have awareness if societal norms and you must write on cognitive awareness to help empaths and others. But there are deep differences…look forward to your next series …

  11. Another Cat says:

    Gosh, the insufferable monotone facebook poster! Gah.

    HG,
    this is a pet peeve of mine, with a capital PET, because it really isn’t that horrible and in the longterm quite easy to avoid, at least online (I have unfriended them). But I bet this specimen would make a great video of yours, if you did!

    Is this the good old Middle Midrange Type A Narcissist?

    There is one woman who takes stunning photos of very ordinary things. No problem per se, but they all look very similar, and often reposted. She reminds me of one of your youtube commenters “Thank you for teaching me more about me.” repeated with those exact words under many of your videos.

    She posts:

    “Grateful for living yet another spectacularly amazing day”

    “The sunrise was so beautiful I was late for work.”

    Again, positive per se, but when posted a thousand times exactly verbatim?
    And there was a male friend the carrying very same personality.

    “Radio1 Music quiz solved!”

    “Good morning, World!”

    Those short posts launched every single Sunday and every day.
    Is it a Midranger Narc darling to gain control through acting extremely boring/monotone?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would need to examine more behaviour to make a determination but you’ve identified an indicator for certain.

      1. Another Cat says:

        Thank you,
        I have actually also noticed similar behaviour from a few friends who otherwise seem like typical emapths, introverted/shy maybe. Though there, it is not at all as aggressive as with the ones who seem to be narcissists (by behaviour and other indicators).

        One guy uses facebook for posting what gym exercises he will attend during the week (seems to be for friends who usually want to along). Short schedule onliners. And one other thing only: He posts old nostalgic professional ballet and opera photos he made back when he was a newspaper photograper. But it’s not screamish. No exclamation marks. Different photos of different celebrities every time.

        1. Another Cat says:

          *oneliners

          1. Asp Emp says:

            AnotherCat, “Short schedule onliners” sounds about right 😉

  12. Another Cat says:

    HG
    Have you noticed empathy or manipulative personalities in other species. Idk, elephants e g, seem to exhibit empathic behaviours at times?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is not something that I have focused on, AC, but do feel free to elaborate on your own observations.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Thank you, HG, for giving the opportunity for such a discussion on your blog.

      2. Another Cat says:

        Two examples I saw in newspaper articles were:

        An old female chimpanzee died. The other individuals at the zoo/flock grieved her a lot. She was apparently very popular because of her affectionate ways. They moved very slowly for weeks. At the funeral some went to her dead body to check and stroke.

        The other article I remember was about elephants. When one of them dies, in some cases some of the others try to awaken it for days, before giving up. Another thing which makes me suspect they have empathy, is that, like humans, they seem to spend years taking care of their offspring.

        But manipulative individuals I haven’t heard of nor read about, when it comes to other species.

        1. Witch says:

          https://youtu.be/rLn9GwHoUy0

          Other apes have a lot of similarities to us, especially chimpanzees because they are mainly patriarchal.
          They separate into tribes, they go to war, compete for land and resources, they have hierarchies.. all of this requires narcissistic traits

          1. Another Cat says:

            Yes, but I was wondering about manipulative traits, specifically. (discussions below in the thread)

        2. Witch says:

          @Another Cat

          Yes there are other species who manipulate to get what they want

          https://youtu.be/3431b8twU-U

        3. Enthralled says:

          Do not know enough about the body/ behaviour of other animals – would need to study them. Dogs however display both empathic traits and manipulative.

          Just for ease = some traits of my dogs;

          If I am in pain/upset = gives lots of love.
          Have a fall = gets upset, stays next to me.
          Cannot reach something = gets it for me.
          If another dog hurts me/ his friends = tells them off.
          Wants to please me.

          vs
          Will not go toilet in garden and makes me take him around the block – even in early hours of morning in pouring rain.
          Plays up till I feed him/ walk him.
          Stands before telly to get attention/ steals socks
          begs – big eyes
          Whines/ crys softly = knows I cannot ignore lol

      3. Rebecca says:

        In what context? You asked me. When you meet them either in person, or online conversations, how long does it usually take for you to analyze them? Narcissist, empath, normal empathic or narcissistic?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          10 minutes or so in conversation.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Wow, that’s fast! Thanks for your reply xx

          2. Asp Emp says:

            HG, I suspected someone within 10 minutes through their behaviours and more through what they said and did because I got a sense of deja vu, it was uncanny. It was easier for me to observe that person because I was in a safe environment as well as being aware of what to look out for.

          3. Rebecca says:

            HG, I have another question for you. Xx All the narcissists in my life have been long term, except for the LMRSOMATIC, the rest have been around for years. Only a couple of them separated from me because of their passing. My question is, what is it about me that they find worth holding on to?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            The Prime Aims.

          5. Dani says:

            HG, you amaze me.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Understandable.

    2. Asp Emp says:

      AnotherCat, interesting and valid question. I would suggest that there are a number of animals who do appear to have similarities in empathy / manipulative ‘behaviours’. Yet, one may consider those to be ‘natural’ responses ie the basic instincts within animals.

      Consider the cuckoo bird, the female lays her egg in another bird breed’s nest, what happens when the cuckoo egg hatches?

      There are meerkats that act quite harshly / loving too.

      It is about survival, competition / rights to live etc. Typing in “narcissistic animals” can provide more insight into your query. I think you’d be surprised 🙂

      1. Another Cat says:

        Interesting, Asp Emp
        I used to think that the Narc was the cuckoo chick among the siblings. The others not quite noticing that the cuckoo step brother is taking all the resources.

        1. Violetta says:

          Actually, eventually the cuckoo chick will eat the “siblings.”

          1. WhoCares says:

            Violetta, Asp Emp & Another Cat,

            https://youtu.be/G8Xf1T3r-qw

            1:44 to 4:00 mark, to save some time.
            But the whole thing is good.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCares, thank you for sharing that video. That is basically the evolution of nature, despite it coming across as “unnatural” for some humans to understand (or to witness). Some may view it as narcissistic yet some people can understand by looking at both sides of the coin, so to speak.

          3. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,

            “That is basically the evolution of nature, despite it coming across as “unnatural” for some humans”

            Yeah – some think cuckoos are simply jerks.

            As for being narcissistic, and indeed, “both sides of the coin”… similar to how we can choose to apply our perspective to the mother bear’s behaviour – or attempt to look at it more objectively – what if, just for kicks, we applied the narcissist’s perspective to the cuckoo’s behaviour?

            See any narcissistic indicators? Self- absorbtion, sense of superiority, lack of empathy – sense of self-preservation at all costs.

            And the cuckoo chick can truly claim no accountability cause…well, his momma just dumped him there.

          4. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCares, (LOL) to cuckoos being jerks – yes, I’d agree, on the human ‘version’ 😉 Yes, I agree on your point, I can envisage a teacher in school asking the kids to list ’empathic’ and ‘narcissistic’ animals – that would be an interesting ‘observation’ and a ‘measurement’ of their understanding on ‘behaviours’. There are quite a number that would be a ‘combination’ of N and E. I would be inclined to add ‘greed’ to your list of narcissistic indicators RE: cuckoos.

            RE: mother ‘dumped’ him there – deniability of existence (of the egg); blame-shifting (not their responsibility); entitlement (expectations on another bird to take responsibility) etc.

            Yeah, for Room 101 purposes, the cuckoo is ‘narcissistic’. 🙂

            (thanks, HG for moderating this discussion)

          5. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,

            “RE: mother ‘dumped’ him there – deniability of existence (of the egg); blame-shifting (not their responsibility); entitlement (expectations on another bird to take responsibility) etc.”

            There are also stalking/targeting behaviours in these birds – or related species – they will watch a nest and a potential victim from a distance, before deciding if and when to deposit their eggs in the nest. Real planning – or instinctive planning?

          6. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCares, real planning, me thinks – good question though. Real planning, led by instincts through evolution of the species? All animals, birds, insects and people have the ‘hunting’ instinct as part of survival?

          7. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,

            I was using those terms to draw a comparison with lower echelon narcissists. Because, as HG has established, they do not actively, consciously plan. It just looks that way to us, ( even though it’s instinctive) or we fill in the gaps with our own perspective to make it look…well, plan-ish.

            Haha, Asp Emp, I am not even making sense to myself right now.

          8. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCare, that amused me “well, plan-ish”. I know exactly what you mean, maybe we can ‘classify’ the cuckoo bird as a LL? 😉 LOL at my thinking that a person filming wildlife in the future saying “the lead female meerkat is asserting her control, using her narcissistic trait of….and her sister is submitting by applying pity-plays….”. It is interesting to think about animals, how they behave and discussing narcissism /empathy among them. Your last sentence amused me too 🙂

          9. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,

            Re: the cuckoo as an LL – haha!

            It is interesting.

            More than once now, HG has referred to himself as the ‘David Attenborough’ of narcissism.

          10. Violetta says:

            WhoCares: thanks for vid link. I didn’t know cuckoos push the other eggs out. There’s some species of parasite where the interloper will actually eat the other eggs whenever the parent steps away. This little punk didn’t even wait til the parent stepped away: astonishing how she didn’t notice her eggs being shoved out from under her.
            One comment said they’ll occasionally get dumped in a nest where the timing is off and the other birds do hatch, but the cuckoo will keep demanding food long after the siblings have piped down. Watching that tiny unwitting foster mother still trying to put food in that ginormous creature’s gaping maw even after he left the nest was quite something.

          11. WhoCares says:

            Violetta,
            No problem.

            “the cuckoo will keep demanding food long after the siblings have piped down. Watching that tiny unwitting foster mother still trying to put food in that ginormous creature’s gaping maw even after he left the nest was quite something.”

            Squeaky wheel gets the grease.

          12. Rebecca says:

            Violetta,
            The starling bird does the same to its babies, puts them in other nest,but the baby will just push the other chicks right out of the nest. I’ve seen it happen on nature shows.
            A male lion,when it takes over another pride,will kill the cubs that aren’t his from the previous lion. It’s awful,but it’s nature.

        2. Asp Emp says:

          AnotherCat, thank you for your response. The baby common cuckoo also pushes all the other non-siblings (eggs) out of the nest. What is really fascinating about this is that the cuckoo is not trained to do this. It is instinctive by inheriting the “traits” from it’s ancestors. So the cuckoo is the only baby getting fed.

        3. WhoCares says:

          Asp Emp, Another Cat – I wrote up something on cuckoos in KHG. It’s brief, I am not finished and I didn’t provide sources – but I plan to add to it. If I can ever post there again.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCares, wow, that sounds intriguing, RE: cuckoos on KHG. I need to obtain the magic key from HG to access the KHG forum 🙂

          2. Rebecca says:

            HG,

            How long does it usually take you to tell if someone is an empath, narcissist, normal, narcissistic, or empathic? Thanks xx

          3. HG Tudor says:

            In what context?

    3. WhoCares says:

      AC,

      “Have you noticed empathy or manipulative personalities in other species…”

      Ooh, great question. I have been collecting some data in this area.(various studies and articles.)

      In the isolated community, where I was trapped with my ex, I had seen a mother black bear with three cubs – one time the cubs all tumbled out on to the road while one parked his butt on the median and started scratching after mosquitoes or something…they all finally lumbered off following after their mother who continued crossing the road and disappeared into the greenery. I even got video of it.
      I learned from the locals that she, the mother bear had adopted two of the cubs who they knew had suffered the death of their own mother and we’re orphans. These bears had been observed frequently near the local dump. If the mother bear was only guided by her biological need to reproduce (and then protect her own young) and continue her genetic line – what motivates her to extend her “care”, and therefore her resources, to the two orphaned cubs?

      1. Another Cat says:

        Yes exactly. They are sometimes adopting a motherless cub/chick. Helping an individual from outside. Sounds empathic.

        1. WhoCares says:

          AC,

          It does indeed sound empathic. But are we projecting our worldview on to the situation?
          Biologically speaking, numbers (in offspring) can be advantageous, if one or more dies, chances are there may still be some left in the litter to carry on the genetic line. Even if there are three bear cubs – two being of a different genetic line – and that mother bear’s family is targeted by a hunter or a male bear, the likelihood of that mother bear’s cub being killed decreases because one of the adopted cubs may be the unfortunate victim.
          So, is the mother bear’s behaviour empathic – or self-serving?

          1. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCares, “So, is the mother bear’s behaviour empathic – or self-serving? “ – good point. Sounds like an in-built survival ‘mechanism’, evolution, if you will. It prompts a consideration, should the mother bear find herself in a position where the cubs are at risk, would she “automatically” protect her own off-spring first?

          2. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp & AC,

            On empathy/manipulation in other species, you may find this very short video of interest, if HG allows – plus it’s timely!

            https://youtu.be/wyxOilnKnq0

          3. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,

            “Sounds like an in-built survival ‘mechanism’, evolution, if you will.”
            I agree with you.

            “It prompts a consideration, should the mother bear find herself in a position where the cubs are at risk, would she “automatically” protect her own off-spring first?”

            It is a very interesting question Asp Emp. That would require observations in the field and under particular circumstances.

            Did you know that ostriches put all their eggs together and communally look after them? How do they defend their own genetic line? I don’t think they can in that arrangement.

          4. Asp Emp says:

            WhoCares, thank you for your response. RE: my consideration on the mother bear / her own cub being put first – I wonder how many animals would.

            RE: ostriches, that is interesting. It is similar to what humans would do – protect children / other humans in such circumstances ie in absolute need.

            Thank you for sharing the video clip. That was interesting. It amused me “when the silk was washed, females lost interest”. It amused even more at “these chemicals may be a love potion manipulating the females feelings” – I really don’t know what to say! Do spiders have emotions?! I appreciate you sending that link, thank you 🙂

          5. WhoCares says:

            Asp Emp,
            I’m glad you enjoyed the link. 🙂

    4. Savoy Truffle says:

      I’m getting the impression that most so-called personality disorders, and other behavioral oddities, are really rooted in survival mechanisms. Primates and other animals practice lying and cheating. Googling “primate deception” could keep you busy for hours.

      1. WhoCares says:

        Ooh… thank-you Savoy Truffle! I will totally be googling that some time…when I can squeeze it in…*sigh*..I so need more time.

      2. Another Cat says:

        Savoy, thank you.
        Yes, wherever there is a lot of hard work, focusing and planning in order to raise kids – like for some songbird, insects etc, and primates – there will be a market for parasites and manipulators.

    5. Contagious says:

      OxyContin is a hormone in species shown to demonstrate empathy.

  13. Violetta says:

    Btw, a website on bug remedies (I brought back bedbugs after a visit to NYC in the 2010s, & have been over-zealous
    with regular applications of diatomaceous earth and chrysanthemum tea ever since) contained th4 following passage:

    While some commonly available pesticides and green products do have an effect on bed bugs, they only act as an irritant that bothers them (Celine Dion may be annoying, but her music won’t kill you). These irritants, also known as dispersants, don’t kill bed bugs.

    1. A Victor says:

      When visiting my daughter and her husband in HI a few years ago, I was surprised at the piles of furniture that would be left out for the dump, due to bedbugs. The exterminators would chase the bugs out of one apartment, only to have them enter the next and it was a continuous vicious cycle.

  14. Leigh says:

    Mr. Tudor, can you point me to an article, book or logic bulletin that explains why some narcissists can’t disappoint people? For instance, when ending it with a partner, instead of telling them, they opt to just disappear. Then they will use the excuse that they didn’t want to hurt them. Meanwhile, its really that they are cowards and can’t face them. (At least that’s my opinion) Is this facade maintenance? If you could point me to one of your works that may explain this, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It has nothing to do with not wanting to disappoint people (although the narcissist may believe that is the case to excuse the behaviour). The narcissist just vanishes because either you have been placed on the shelf and the narcissist is focussed elsewhere or it is disengagement and the narcissist having a sense of entitlement and no sense of accountability asserts control through withdrawal. The narcissism sees nothing to be gained in a direct interaction and therefore it does not occur.

  15. Violetta says:

    Why do you particularly detest Celine Dion? I don’t like her either, but she doesn’t stand out to me among all the other phony, over-emotive vocalists.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Her face and her singing annoys me.

      1. Violetta says:

        Again, why? They’re all a bunch of phonies, substituting fancy “runs” for creating an actual character.

        1. Another Cat says:

          Idk, I just got a weak impression the first time I heard her on the radio.

          ‘Somebody with a thinner voice covering a Whitney Houston song. Ok, so. Sounds a little empty.’

          So I understand HG.

          I guess Cecile and that vibrato sounds better when singing in French.

          1. Another Cat says:

            *Celine

          2. WhoCares says:

            AC,

            “I guess Cecile and that vibrato sounds better when singing in French.”

            I just gotta say that I live in a French Canadian community and this nearly made me splitter my coffee all over…

      2. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Celine’s singing is absolutely rammed choc full ywith fake warbles intended to communicate supposed emotion. For one who is adept at recognising and bringing forth real emotion I would expect that the fake version would indeed be annoying.
        I won’t comment on Celine’s face, because I am nice. 😇

        1. Violetta says:

          But they’re ALL like that, lately! I’m not even sure she’s the worst, though she’d definitely make the bottom 10.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Haha,

            I tell you what really gets my back up Violetta, is when they sing, do the loads of notes in one word warble thing, but, they emphasise it by closing their eyes, tilting there head and raising their arm with pointing finger up. That annoys me to death.

            My dad calls it ‘over singing’. Haha. It’s a pretty accurate description. I agree, loads do it. I don’t like Adele either. I don’t like obviously romantic songs full stop though, they get on my nerves.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            *their*

          3. Violetta says:

            Truthseeker6157:

            Been thinking about this phenomenon more, especially since Adele cancelled her Las Vegas dates, and there are various explanations: short-staffed due to Covid, disputes with set designer while Adele wanted everything perfect, blah blah. A number of comments pointed out that Adele wasn’t doing a glitz show like Katy Perry or Madonna, where multiple costume changes and effects were expected; all she should need is a working mic. Some said that kind of show, just her coming out to sing, wouldn’t work for the casinos.

            Here’s the thing: years ago, my dad took me to see Petula Clark at a NJ casino. No special.sets or effects, but when she sang “Don’t Sleep in the Subway,” she really sounded like she was trying to coax back a sullen boyfriend; when she sang “Downtown” & “I Know a Place,” you wanted to go clubbing with her all night! Miles ahead of the meaningless warbling on singing competitions. My dad agreed: he hated the singing shows, but had never verbalized why. It was the fact that no one ever acted the goddam song; it was all showing off their pretty voice.

            In retrospect, I suppose there were phony singers in previous eras too, but they don’t get played even on oldies stations. It’s like the ’40s: there are Big Band classics that survive (the school-aged kid I’m working with recognized Frank Sinatra’s voice on the radio), and there are horrible songs/singers that are popular for a while, then mostly (thank God) disappear.

            I don’t know if there are more phony singers now, because the competitions encourage them, or we just know about them because they’re on TV, whereas not all of them ever make it to radio playlists.

          4. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Violetta, Joa,

            You’re going to laugh at me now, and that’s fine if you do haha!
            I think I can spot an empath song writer through the lyrics. Obviously singers will often sing a song written by someone else. So I can’t associate song with singer, it’s song with writer.

            Speaking about old songs Violetta and starting with a couple of songs on my playlist.

            Windmills of Your Mind – Non obvious lyrics. Also reference to time. Empath writers seem to have a strange relationship with time and the passing of time. “Like a clock whose hands are sweeping past the minutes of its face.” It isn’t obvious, you understand it, but you aren’t sure why you understand it. Empath writers don’t describe emotions in a clear way. They do it in a very abstract way. The listener is being asked to sift through images and find one they can relate to.

            Ode to Billie Joe. Storytelling, detailed, emotional. Again, similar thing, lots of images, the listener being asked to infer the relationship between the girl and Billie Joe and what was thrown from the bridge. We aren’t told. (One of my dad’s favourite songs).

            I researched Bobbie Gentry after choosing the song. I’d be surprised if Gentry was a narcissist. More likely an empath.

            I then thought, “Come on TS, you most have a romantic song in there, that you can stomach.” I do.

            The Way We Were. Time reference, ‘Has time re written every line?’use of vague metaphors, very visual. ‘What’s too painful to remember we simply choose to forget’, demonstration of insight.

            Interestingly I later found the Alan and Marilyn Bergman wrote two of the songs above. I’ll eat my knickers if they were narcs.

            You have a far greater understanding of music Violetta, you might find other empath trade marks, but it is interesting I think. There are definite similarities in writing style. Once you spot it, you spot it over and over and over a very extended time period.

            Xx

          5. Violetta says:

            Truthseeker6157:

            Problem with that is John Lennon wrote fabulous songs with the Beatles, and I believe HG has identified him as a narc. Despite his brilliant mind, he had many Lesser characteristics, including domestic violence and a habit of shrugging off inconsistencies in his own previous statements when journalists would confront him with them.

            He had both direct boy-meets-girl lyrics (in the Beatles’ “yeah yeah yeah” phase) and allusive, hallucinatory ones (both “Lucy in the Sky” and “I Am the Walrus” drew on the Alice books). And all of it comes across as more sincere and relatable than the “confessional” lyrics he wrote post-breakup, when he was trying to go the Bob Dylan/Carole King/James Taylor route. Lennon dismissed his early songs as Tin Pan Alley formulae with made-up stories about a cheating girlfriend, jealousy, finding someone new, etc., but just as with country-western music, if it isn’t the singer’s real story, it’s probably somebody’s. Just because Jimmie Rodgers probably didn’t even know a Thelma, let alone want to shoot her, doesn’t mean there weren’t plenty of people who could cry with relief when they heard “T is for Texas,” because it expressed their bitterness over a bad relationship.

            I got into the Beatles years after they broke up, but I can imagine teen girls wishing “I Want to Hold Your Hand” was about them (as well as dancing to it–great beat), or teen guys hearing “You’re Going to Lose That Girl,” and applying it to some triangle they’re in with a rival they think is a jerk and doesn’t deserve the girl.

            I leave it to HG to determine why Lennon’s tossed-off songs are classics, while his efforts to be sincere come across as so goddam phony.

        2. Joa says:

          TS, you put it into words very well.

          I never liked Celine Dion and I don’t like Adel.

          I always associated Celine with artificiality and pomposity. Adel, although it has an interesting timbre, gets on my nerves and I call it “howler” (oops, not nice). I immediately turn off the station when I hear it.

          1. Susan says:

            Sorry, one last bit of trivia since my ex-husband actually replied to my e-mail already. Turns out that John Lennon was inspired to write what I eventually realized was the O.J. Simpson theme song, ‘Run For Your Life,’ by Elvis Presley’s version of ‘Baby Let’s Play House,’ which contains the line, ‘I’d rather see you dead little girl than to be with another man.’ The music and the rest of the lyrics are completely different.

            Anybody want to know anything ELSE about the Beatles? Cuz I guarantee he’ll know the answer off the top of his head. Except I don’t think he knew John was a narcissist till I replied to him just now. I hope he’s not crushed since John is his favorite Beatle.

            (My ex is actually NOT a narcissist. He’s autistic like me. NOT the reasons we split up though, which was amicable but I won’t go into. Did I just hear a big sigh of relief??? In fact, the autism is probably what drew us together in the first place! That and he WASN’T abusive like the arch-narc just before him who ruined my life & then dumped me six months before I met my first husband! Six months was nowhere NEAR long enough for me to get my head back together & start dating again. Although FOREVER wouldn’t have been long enough if I hadn’t figured out my father was a narc–which HE helped me to confirm wasn’t in my imagination–20 years after our wedding/6 years after our divorce and then discovered HG’s work! And now I’m too old & decrepit & remarried to date!)

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hello Susan,

            My dad used to go to the Cavern in Liverpool and watch the Beatles play. I think your ex husband might quite like that.

            Too old to date? Nah! Haha!

            Xx

      3. Sarah says:

        I can’t disagree with either of those!

  16. Violetta says:

    Is there a reason, aside from being more faithful to the original text, that you prefer the Johnny Depp Chocolate Factory to the Gene Wilder one?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The Oompa Loompa songs are superior.

      1. A Victor says:

        Well now I’ll have to rewatch the Johnny Depp one, this is hard to believe…

        1. WhoCares says:

          AV,

          “this is hard to believe…’
          Pahaha..
          Thanks for the laugh AV!!

          1. A Victor says:

            You’re welcome WC!

          2. A Victor says:

            I’ll let you know if I agree with HG’s assessment later…🤔😂

      2. BC30 says:

        YES YES YES!

      3. Violetta says:

        That’s part of being more faithful to the original text. I believe they stuck pretty closely to the lyrics in the book, which the Leslie Bricusse-Anthony Newley score did not.

      4. Rebecca says:

        I remember the Gene Wilder version more, saw it more times than the Johnny Depp version. I get the Oompa Loompa song stuck in my head. Lol The GW version song. Varooca Salt, that character was such a brat,it always made me laugh what happened to her. “I want an Oompa Loompa noooww!”

        1. Violetta says:

          I used to use her song as an audition piece when I was still playing teens. One time 4 of us used the Bricusse/Newley to prank the casting people at one theatre company.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Violetta,
            What is Bricusse/ Newley?

          2. Violetta says:

            Rebecca:

            Bricusse and Newley did the score for the Gene Wilder version.

  17. k mac says:

    I have so many questions for you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Then do avail yourself of the consultation, that is what it is there for.

      1. k mac says:

        Understood

  18. Ken says:

    What if somebody was looking to work for you? What if somebody resonated with your body of work enough to percieve this whole suite of information as, potentially, leading to an extremely beneficial apprenticeship? Would you then consider them engaging with you to be a form of ulterior motive fulfillment?

    This question rests on the assumption that any who would petition you for a job would be doing so with the full intent to maintain a state of deferential and subservient assistance, and thus they would not attempt to undermine you in any way or for any reason.

    1. Violetta says:

      Ken:

      You’re a braver man than I am, Gunga Din. I’d have been glad to have a boss like HG when I did office work: he’d have treated me well as long as I did my job efficiently and stayed loyal to him above other office narcs. Best of all, he’d never blame me for carrying out his stupid decision because he wouldn’t make stupid decisions. (I’ve worked for many inferior narcs, and will now accept nothing but the best.)

      However, I wouldn’t dare consider myself a potential narc apprentice. If I am a Narcissist, I’m not a very effective one: I’m terrible at manipulating people. I can hardly get them to believe the documentable truth, let alone make things up. I don’t even want to think about the things HG hears in consults: you need a cool head to give advice, and I can’t keep a cool head when I’m thinking, “Your brother-in-law said what?!! Grab something solid and cave the sumbitch’s head in!”

  19. A Victor says:

    HG, I didn’t know about this article/opportunity until today. Are you still open for questions here? Reading through the comments will likely answer some, maybe many, and prove interesting I’m sure also.

  20. SARAH says:

    K: I’m just learning but I’d say mid-ranger, too.
    That man smeared me to the day he died — and you’re right, no remorse ever. He gave me a concussion when I was 15. About 20 years later we were having Christmas dinner at my house and the subject came up. His response was, I did It then and I’d do it again.

    1. K says:

      SARAH
      That’s awful! Sorry you experienced that; did your mother know he did that to you??? I couldn’t imagine anyone hurting my children like that, ever!

      1. SARAH says:

        Oh, yeah. She was there. Not once in all my childhood did she stick up for me (or my brother.) He golden-child-ed my other brother. And the three of them had some weird enmeshment thing going. Honestly their marriage is something I have never been able figure out. Can 2 narcs have some weird power thing together?

        1. K says:

          SARAH
          Triangulation. Yes, two narcs can work together as long as it suits their purposes. Your father is violent so he may be a LMRN or possibly even a ULN. You may find this video helpful.

          1. Sarah says:

            Hi, K! Thank you for the video. Do you have the Part one of this video? I seem to have some difficulty navigating this site in finding things and the knowledge vault isn’t working for me…I don’t know why but it won’t let me search or load.

            It was really interesting to listen to that. My father woz fairly intelligent he waz an executive for many decades before he started his own business. Appearances were extremely important to him and when he had guests over they were always served the highest and best wines, cognacs, you name it whatever would impress them. I personally enjoyed that because I got to eat all the leftover hors d’oeuvres they were quite tasty. I developed a champagne taste comment lol!

            You could count on him always buying the best of whatever you ask for for Christmas.But everything came with a price am I learned that pretty quickly. I got to the point I refuse his help.

            I knew he wanted a competition between me and my brothers and I refused to play the game. It was an instinctual thing when I was a little girl and teenager. I just sort of knew. And I knew who he was from a very very young age. It’s weird it’s like I could just see right through him and I refuse to let him control me which is why I got popped so often. Set my brother. One of my earliest memories was of him beating my brother who is perhaps 5 or 6 at the time, he threw against the wall finally and let him lie there and walked out of the Room. As he walked past me, I was sobbing, He looked at me snidely instead why you crying I didn’t hurt you. That brother just died recently from acute alcohol ism.

            I thought for sure the way he spent money that he would have had a few million. However his state was only worth about $300k. Certainly not a small amount of money but not what I expected.

            Ask for my mother she was pretty cold. When I was being bullied by somebody in junior high The girl was finally able to push me or something, she picked me up from school I was crying. I told her what happened response was, well you must have done something to provoke it.

            When I was in high school I was about 20 pounds overweight and both of them made it quite clear that they were embarrassed to be seen with me. Yes, we are definitely an extension of him and I absolutely refused to participate.

            My mother would also try to get me to join her in belittling my father in various ways. Mostly though she was just really cold and aloof.

            My brother, full blown narcissistic sociopath, Was the golden child. He’s Dumb as a post, And now that my father is not here to support him, I have no idea what hes doing financially.

            I want GOSO Decades ago with the entire family. Both my father and mother have passed, but when my father was alive he would still Drive past my house when he was in town, try to send gifts to my children which I always intercepted, Or other ways tried to assert control.

            I don’t know maybe I should do a consulte with HG?

        2. K says:

          My pleasure Sarah!

          Here’s part one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzZl4q3FJz4

          You may have already noticed the search bar on the right, located above: Recent Comments and “home” is located on the upper left under the red bar. FAQs, Acronyms and The Rules are located under Formal info and I am not sure why you are having trouble with The Knowledge Vault, what device are you using?

          Your dad was very violent and I am very, very sorry for what you and your brothers went through. Your childhood was horrific and your brother dying from acute alcoholism is so sad. He deserved better; you all did. Get together a list of questions or concerns and book a consult with HG. I think you need it, it will set things straight for you and give you direction.

          1. Sarah says:

            K: thx so much! I did get the knowledge vault to work on my computer comment and downloaded quite a bit of things this morning! I particularly interested in hearing how America has been conned, since it has to do with George Floyd and I lived a mile from that when it happened. Should be interesting.

            I have learned so much in just a short week I’ve been on this site and I had written down a number of things that indicate clearly that my father was a narc. I think you’re suspend is right upper middle or lower upper.

            It’s interesting, I just listen to HG”s Interview where he really explains the Narc doesn’t really know what their doing they actually really believe their lies.

            Does that mean that we forgive them? And by forgive I don’t mean undue no contact, I mean recognised truly that it isn’t us. I guess that’s what I’m getting most from this understanding that this mean can’t love anybody couldn’t love anybody, And that gives me me a real sense of freedom, oddly.

            Could you think consultation might be good. So wish we could talk in person!

        3. A Victor says:

          Hi Sarah,

          I know your conversation is with K so please forgive if my comment is unwelcome. I just want to welcome you and say I am so sad for you to have experienced these things. You are in a place that can help. <3
          AV

          1. SARAH says:

            A Victor: Thx ever so much! That’s very kind of you and means a lot.

        4. K says:

          You are very welcome Sarah!

          Excellent, you can navigate the KV and your proximity to the George Floyd killing will lend more import to the article America : You Are Being Conned.

          You can do a Narc Detector (ND) for a definitive answer regarding your father’s School and Cadre; it would be interesting to know exactly what he is.

          I really enjoyed A Raw Report Special and, if you want to understand more about lies (compartmentalization), you can search it on The Ultra; it goes into greater depth in that video.

          This is what HG says about forgiveness:

          HG Tudor says:
          February 1, 2020 at 11:39
          The last phase is Zero Impact.
          Forgiving is a form of engaging and breaches the first golden rule of no contact.

          You may find this video very helpful; the Big Reveal occurs at about 4:18. I do think a consult would be helpful and I, too, wish we could talk in person.

          1. SARAH says:

            K: oh, this is brilliant! Thank you!

            I always knew that my parents didn’t love me. (I remember finding my baby book and it had a button in it with a dad leaping for joy and saying, Its a girl! And even as a very young child I knew it was bollucks!) But I also always wondered why, and laboured under the delusion that somehow I could make them love me if I just did the right thing, found the magic key, so to speak.

            Eventually, I realized intellectually that I could not, but emotionally I know I still tried. I was slowly distancing over the years, but after I was beaten badly by brother and father in my 30s, and my father lied to the police, that was IT. I was done. And I thank God to this day for that!

            Interestingly, in my 20s, I was so embarrassed to be connected to him that I changed my last name.

            Question for you and any other ACONS: Did you find yourself using narc manipulations? I know I did because he taught me “this is how you deal with people.” As children, we believe our parents know best. Fortunately, I got some good counseling when I was a young adult and that ameliorated over the years.

            I saw the interview. So good!! Love his comments about Hollywood and how love/relationships are portrayed in movies. Spot on! I remember watching, My Best Friend’s Wedding and thinking, This is sick — and also explaining that to my daughter afterwards.

          2. A Victor says:

            Hi Sarah,

            I did use what I thought were narc manipulations but I wasn’t very good at them. And then I found out that empath’s do them sometimes when we’re stressed, mostly because we’re human.

            Thanks for bringing this thread to my attention, I look forward to reading through the comments at some point.

            AV

          3. alexissmith2016 says:

            Forgiveness is a funny thing really. When I was younger I used to be very forgiving. I used to believe that everyone had some good in them and that either their bad behaviour was down to a ‘bad day’ or a ‘bad life’ lol. Now I realise forgiveness is nothing more than making excuses for bad behaviour and/or abuse it doesn’t make me a better or worse person if I ‘forgive’ someone. I don’t feel the need to forgive any N at all ever. Armed with LT, i just see the behaviour for what it is and it has no need to reflect on me in any way shape or form. I have not invited abuse, they are abusers and I feel completely indifferent to them.

          4. K says:

            You are welcome SARAH!

            It is brilliant; HG has an article for everything. My parents didn’t love me either, when you have the time, check out this video.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4TEpgfD1oA&t=536s

            As an ACON, I manipulated throughout my entire childhood; it just came naturally and most of it was directed towards my abusive family and authority figures (like the nuns and priests at catholic school).

          5. A Victor says:

            @Alexissmith,

            Hi, I found your comment interesting. I don’t recall ever viewing people as inherently good, this has been part of my problem seeing Savior for myself. I generally feel they’re a bit more bad and I must accept them as they are, maybe this comes from my upbringing. Thank you for the food for thought regarding this and forgiveness.

        5. Fiddleress says:

          Hello Sarah, and welcome here. After reading about the horrors you have been through, I am really glad that you have found this place.
          You say you have already understood lots in just a week of reading here – yes, this is how brilliant HG’s work is!

          You wrote: “Does that mean that we forgive them? And by forgive (…) I mean recognised truly that it isn’t us.” I think it is fundamental to realise that if we were not loved, it wasn’t because we were unlovable, but because narcissists cannot love. As you rightly say, it is so liberating! I don’t know about “forgiving”, that seems secondary to me. No longer being miserable after understanding what it was all about is the crucial part.

          1. Sarah says:

            Alexis Smith: i think when I say forgiveness, I mean more like “let it go.” I don’t want to hang on to it for MY sake — not theirs.

            Fidderless: yes, its very freeing, after so many years of trying to find a way to make them live me, earn their love, winder what I had done wrong, to finally know I did nothing AND nothing I could have done would have changed it.

            On another note — on the way home I saw a license plate that read, 2MEAN4U

            Yikes! Perfect example of a narc giving fair warning!

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