Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
3,015 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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May I tell you a joke, HG?
Only if it is funny.
Whew ok, so no pressure then. Good, good
What’s the distinction between ignorance and indifference?
I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Boom tish!
Took me way longer than it should have, but here it is:
A normal, an empath, and a narcissist walk into a bar.
The Bartender asks if they would like to start a tab.
The normal looks in their wallet and says ‘Oh no, I left my card at home!”
The empath says “I’d use my card but I spent all my money on charity.”
They all turn towards the narcissists who says “Don’t look at me. All I have is my discard.”
Rubbish! Get off!
😂 Next one I’ll make the empath take the brunt of the joke
@Kit Kat
Hahahaha!
Questions:
1. What is your grand design?
2. Does death a known phenomenon affect you in any way?
3. Do you ever feel there will be consequences to your actions after death?
4. What is death to you? Do you feel you will cease to exist?
5. If given a chance would you prolong your life? Why?
I feel you should be in every psychology book on Earth as the master in narcissism and…perhaps psychopathy. Is that your goal? To be a legend?
6. Finally, will we see your work in film? On a series? Anything in your he works?
1. See Knowing HG
2. Yes, it tends to stop you doing things.
3. Not for me, but for others there will be.
4. Death is the end.
5. Extended playtime.
6. Possibly.
Dearest Kit Kat,
Touché 👏
Ok .. so an empath, a normal, and a narcissist walk into a bar .. 😎
Go on ThouShalt, we’re with you
Ok .. the pressure is increasing ..
Now we must determine the “type” of Empath & the “type” of Narcissist that is walking into said bar.
So many variations .. so many outcomes .. how is one to choose?
And what about the eminently reliable “normal”, surely there are some variations for them as well?
.. 😎
That’s funny TBS 🙂
I’d say the normal quickly found himself alone at the bar watching football on the screen and wondering, “hmm … is it my after-shave/perfume, or the colour of my shoes, or maybe I should have worn pants instead of jeans? What makes him/her so damn good?”
Meanwhile, the love-bombing has commenced and the narcissist has already found out where the empath lives.
Haha love that WN!
.. 💯 😉
Do not listen to the naysayers .. @Kit Kat .. 😎
AS2016, TBS, KitKat,
Here is a joke I heard this morning…
Q: Why did the prawn leave the nightclub early?
…
…
…
…
A: It pulled a mussel…. 🤣🦐
hahaha 😆
PS.
AS2016,
Thank you for your earlier message. I tried to like it and couldn’t find it on WordPress. Sorry for the late reply.
Food for thought: HG hasn’t referred to his ipps as ‘Shieldmaiden’ in a very, very long time. We use it and he doesn’t correct us. The last concrete evidence we have of a woman whom HG was spending time with is an Instagram video where they are paddling in a boat. To me, it seems as if the woman looks dissimilar to the Shieldmaiden.
Now, it could be that he spoke about her a lot because it was during the shiny new golden period, and now they’ve been dating for a while so the novelty has worn off.
Or it could be that he moved on and didn’t tell us.
I am inclined toward the latter since it would be ‘You broke up?? What happened? Who ended it? Did you cheat? Did you break her heart?’ Yadda yadda yadda, ad nausea, for years as each Tudorite gets word.
As it is, he tells us one thing and we harp on it and ask him the same questions over and over and over. (Not that we mean to pester; we are naturally curious and may not be aware that our question has been asked many times before)
It would be simpler and more convenient not to say anything.
With HG, what he doesn’t say is as much as what he does.
**This was meant to be a reply to Duchess Bea’s comment,
‘ It hurts me to read this. Again, my heart goes out to Shieldmaiden. Treat her like a Queen HG. HG, if there is something I could give to you, it would be feelings. What a man you would be if you had those.
Best,
DB
Hi Kit Kat, very much agree with what you say. I didn’t want to elaborate too much about HG’s relationship with Shieldmaiden, but the comment you were responding to was written with the possibility in mind of Shieldmaiden being in devaluation or discarded. I didn’t refer to it directly in this thread but I have referred to it in another thread and needless to say, HG was rather sharp in his response and if I had been face to face with HG, there is a possibility I would have gotten the hairdryer treatment. I’m not trying to pry into HG’s personal business, I never would, but if he and Shieldmaiden are on a break, finished etc. and if he wanted to discuss same here or not either way is fine. But I can see he is rather sensitive at the moment. I don’t know whether you have noticed but his tone in response has had a subtle something missing from it. As a long time contributor, I noticed this over the past couple of weeks. I do hope whatever is going on with HG, he knows we are all here for him if he needs and wants to talk. I mean that HG.
Best,
DB
I may be obtuse but I recognize triangulation when I see it.
“With HG, what he doesn’t say is as much as what he does.”
I don’t know why I added this last sentence. It makes no sense grammatically, and I certainly don’t presume to have HG all figured out.
Where’s an edit/delete option when you need it?? I have history to revise, goshdarnit!!!
Ha ha ha, KitKat, I really liked what you wrote in the first comment and I think you’re right. Already, I wanted to click “Like”… until I got to your last sentence. And I stated, that no matter how much I supported everything you wrote, I couldn’t like it because of that ending.
I smiled when I saw your “withdrawing” comment now 🙂
That’s hilarious, Joa 🤣. If I were to issue a withdrawal or edit for every comment I wanted to, this blog would be nothing but my revisions.
For example, I cringe when I see something spelled incorrectly, even if I know autocorrect changed it. I swear I know that it’s ‘ad nauseam’ and not ‘ad nausea’
KitKat, as far as I’m concerned, you don’t have to worry – I don’t speak English anyway 😀
When doing my job, I take care of every little detail. Nothing can escape me.
Here is a rest and relaxation zone for me – no need to tense up 🙂 So, you must forgive me, if I hurting your language or you must scrolling through my comments without reading 🙂
Hi Kit Kat,
I wrote a comment to you long time ago about your colleague (who didn’t speak much English but Italian and French). My comment wasn’t based on logic but an emotional response born out of my narc paranoia. I want to apologise to both you and your colleague.
Hi there, Jasmin
What a sweetheart you are! I completely understand what it’s like to feel bad for something you’ve said, and the uncomfortable feeling of sitting with it until you are able to set the situation right.
I wish I could put your mind to ease, but unfortunately it wasn’t me with whom you conversed.
Hopefully the person will see this exchange, and grant the rectification that you seek.
For what it’s worth, I forgive you and I’m sure they would too!
If it wasn’t you Kit Kat, could it have been Another Cat?! I hope so!
Thank you very much for you kind words and understanding. Sorry for the confusion.
Silence is a verb;)
And a noun.
And golden
“Or it could be that he moved on and didn’t tell us.”
Well I believe this is wishful thinking, which many readers might have. ;-). Although HG often writes about disengagement and nomadic narcissists, the fact is that many narcissists, mid-range and greater, find a partner for life, an IPPS they share home with for the rest of their life.
Zero disengagement. This is often the case. There will be lots of devaluation periods and respite periods, but nothing more disengaging than that.
Hi AC!
Do you (or did you have) a college who didn’t speak English but Italian and French?
If a female UMR tells you (IPSS) “promise me that you will not kill your self”
Is it “indirect persuasion”?
Assertion of control and extraction of fuel through false compassion.
Thank you!
What about “I’m studying you” or “I’m still studying you…”
In a situation where the poor empath (who doens’t know of be an IPSS) is trying to understand the nature of the relationship.
HG: ever take courses on psychology? And why does Sam Vatnim say empaths don’t exist?
No.
Who? Probably because he needs the attention.
” Contagious says:
March 31, 2023 at 05:51
… And why does Sam Vatnim say empaths don’t exist?”
“HG Tudor says:
March 31, 2023 at 15:42
…
Who? Probably because he needs the attention.”
He just can’t find any because you’ve weaponized us all! Mwahaha.😉 (Also, his hubris has made him too recognizable.)
So what does Sam “Vatnim” say DOES exist then, just narcissists and … what, normals?
I don’t know, I have no idea who this person is.
Hi Contagion, Sam V. and some others think it makes no sense to talk about empaths as a separate category of people because all individuals have emotional empathy except narcissists and psychopaths.
But as we all know, HG says no different.
HG simply calls Empaths those individuals who have particularly strong emotional empathy and empathic traits.
After all, Sam V. himself and others say that “so-called Empaths” are often nothing more than highly sensitive or even emotionally dysregulated individuals.
Thus, in the end, they too recognize a separate category of “more emotional” people, with the big difference of labeling them as individuals with psychological problems instead of using a neutral term as Empath.
I am not claiming that all people HG would call Empaths are individuals that could be diagnosed as HSPs (highly sensitive people) .
I’m just saying that it’s clear to anyone that some individuals are more emotional than others, regardless of how we want to classify them and what we want to call them.
In order to understand narcissistic dynamics, I much prefer HG’s categorization. I find it far more intuitive, clearer, less judgmental, and more accurate.
I think the hypersensitive nature of narcissists is what attracted me to them in the first place maybe. Because I am probably categorized under HSP… so I think I felt like when they became hurt by something I could sense that and it would enact a sensation that made me want to make them feel better. Because I felt like I knew what they were feeling and it was apparent to me. I just didn’t know at the time all of the other things that came with it or why I felt like that. So the fact that HG has broken it down in a way that is easy for me to understand is very helpful. Because knowing why I have these feelings takes away the mystery. Before I would have thought it was love I was feeling or something beyond me. And now I know that’s not the case. It will help me not be taken advantage of. And just reiterating that there are bad people in the world that mean you nothing but harm also helps me not go against the natural alerts my body gives. Or at least recognize and practice what I have learned. Since it’s not second nature for me. But I think it can be done. Maybe not on a level of a normal non crazy person but at least better than what I have been doing.
What do you think of Trumps indictment?
Ill thought out.
Why do you say ‘ill thought out’?
I can’t watch the news anymore without wishing you were here–or there–to analyze it! Like an invisible news pundit! (If I HAVE to have the voice of a narcissist–or a psychopath–stuck in my head, I’m glad it’s yours! Uh, sort of.😵 Well done.)
(I’m so behind; have you done any updates on Gwyneth Paltrow & her skiing accident? I can’t help thinking she’s the guilty party. I’ll have to go check YouTube, but I’m here instead because I get notifications for all the posts on this blog!)
They want him stopped, this will not stop him, it will generate more support for him.
Yes.
(Or, to be more specific, these notifications come to my e-mail. I have to go to YouTube to check for new-video notifications.)
There is already news he is gaining more followers because of it. Whatever you think of Trump, I hate to see the office impugned this way. It will set a precedent.
When you say “ they” want him stopped do you think the democrats or the republicans or both?
His opponents.
I can’t stand Trump. He is like a potato with a wig, wrapped in gold paper.
Dirty. A typical representative of men, who don’t wash their hands when they leave the toilet 🙂 Yuck.
How many women did you “invaded” in your life?
In the sexual sense…
I started counting when you first posed this question, I will get back to you once I have finished…..
It only counts if everyone finished
Ha ha ha, excellent answer! 🙂
Any men?
Any men what?
This question reminds me of a quote from the character Creed Bratton from the American version of ‘The Office’:
In the 60s, I made love to many women, often outdoors in the mud and rain. It’s possible a man could’ve slipped in there. There’d be no way of knowing.
Hahahah is this how you get to sleep HG, by counting the number of women you’ve had sexual encounters with?
No, that would take far too long.
Alexissmith2016, great 🐑👩⚕️🐑👩🍳🐑👩🔧🐑👩💼🐑👩🚒🐑👮♀️🐑💂♀️🐑🧕🐑👩🚀 and maybe also 👸😂😂😂
Hi HG, did you have a favorite sexual partner? If so, what made her such?
The current one, until she is not.
Purely sexually, do perfer Empaths or Narcissists?
It is not about “purely sexually” it is about the Prime Aims.
If baking would cater to the Prime Aims, narcissists would be the most accomplished bakers😋(was mentioned in a video, recently)
If the ending nerves of a person would be messed up and orgasmic delight reached by massaging the arm (only), N’s would focus on achieving brilliance in this field. (Focus on the controlling of the person to receive the reaction and the intensity of the reaction itself is what matters primarily. Plus the other benefits, depending on school..)
Emotions, emotions, emotions. And the control of this emotional flow. To fill up the hole, the emptiness..
So orgasms are overrated then. The bonding of two individuals who come together and culminate for the purpose of creating a new life is a different story.
Nowadays, must assume, orgasmic relief is a stress relief, that’s it😅 And in female empaths mind an idea of bonding.. a fantasy..
Ok the other point, the female instinct is; to look out for the best genes in the room for continuation of successful reproduction. (Plus the experience of male energy is sooooo amazing in fact – males are just so different and that’s why we are drawn to them🥰🥰-our nature.)
If the female would not be in constant stress and not led either by her hormones (misleading?) or the need for stress relief, she could choose more wisely, give it more time, consideration and observation.. oh and not mislead by previous N experience or child trauma. So N’s tactic is not only to mess with our stress level and bonding ideas, expectations, but our reproduction instinct in order to achieve the Prime Aims….if I’m correct….interesting
Idk why people compare themselves to animals at times and refer to instincts of certain groups of animals. Some animals must reproduce more frequently since they are larger prey group or have shorter life expectation and live in more dangerous environments. Others reproduce only 1-2 times a year. A healthy animal instinct in free nature is just for reproduction, and not 5 times a week for the sake of it only, or whatever „fuck a day keeps the doctor away“ without a result other than stress relief, sorry for the vulgarity, but there are „doctors“ kinda stating this.
Don’t get me wrong, orgasms are cool and so, but..😅just saying😋 By the way humor and laughter may have the same effect for stress relief🌟 but than it makes the N who masters it even more attractive in our perception as we combine it with high intelligence (good mind-genes), waaaa there is no escape.. I respect the striving for survival, though it absolutely messes us up..🙀..💔.. But when I think that all you want are emotions of certain kind and quality, makes me think that can’t be that bad..❤️🩹..
Ok I’m heading a non discussible direction again.
Bad N-man /->stay away!
Okey, I’ll clarify. In the sexual arena does the Empath still cater better to the prime aims than the Narcissist?
May the awnser vary dependent on the Narcissist being aware or not?
The empath is easier to control.
A narcissist can provide more fuel than an empath, an empath can provide more fuel than a narcissist.
A narcissist may provide better character traits than an empath or vice versa.
A narcissist could be more likely to provide greater residual benefits.
Right💡Like Camila and Charles and Alec Baldwin and Hilaria. And this are long lasting relationships too. Wow. It works out for them very well. Two narcissists of whom I would think there is a hole which can’t be filled (by an N), yet fueling themselves of each other.. I think I just lost my understanding of this whole concept now🥲
☝️Attention and emotional reactions are fuel, regardless from whom. With N’s – empathy will be fake, but other emotions real (and even more stronger, like fury).. and greater residual benefits, which may outweigh. ok make sense.
@jordy
It depends on what animals you’re comparing humans too. Bonobos in particular have the closest sexuality to us as they frequently engage in sex for bonding, and to resolve conflict. They are also mainly female led which is quite interesting as us females tend to be more fluid sexually than males.
Thank you for your awnser HG. 🙏
Very interesting.
I understand the unaware Narcissists fool each other but as a aware Narcissist they don’t fool you. You know some of their emotions/reactions are fake. Does the fake once provide fuel for you?
It amounts to challenge fuel.
Hi Jordyguin,
“Fuck a day keep the doctors away” not really what I think about when I’m in a mood.😂 (or else either).
I don’t think the idea of bonding is any fantasy. Orgasms produce oxytocin. I don’t know how it works with Narcs but healthy people bond through sex and many other things beside, of course.😊
Hi Jasmin,
Psychopaths have a difference on their oxytocin receptor. They do not process oxytocin in the emotion centres of the brain. This is one of the reasons why psychopaths are unable to bond emotionally with people.
Oxytocin is an interesting chemical. It plays a part in the emotional fear response, emotional bonding ( chemical love) mother baby bonding, the physical process of giving birth amongst many other things.
A psychopathic mother injected with oxytocin to stimulate the birthing process would respond physically to the oxytocin in that her body would be stimulated to start contractions, but she would still not bond with the baby due to the faulty receptor in the brain. Oxytocin is not the issue, it’s the fact that it isn’t processed in the emotion centres of the brain.
Interestingly, very high levels of oxytocin in the brain have been linked to rage and aggression.
Narcissists do not have this difference on the oxytocin receptor.
Xx
TS,
I can’t comment directly under you comment, so sorry, hope you find this.
You said:. “Narcissists do not have this difference on the oxytocin receptor.”.
Do you mean that psychopaths cannot bond because of brain difference but narcissists don’t have these differences? If that is the case, narcissists don’t bond for some other reason then, do you know what that reason is? I know HG talks about narcs not bonding, I will try to find some info from him on this.
Fascinating information, it explains a lot. Thank you.
TS, what an amazing info!!! Thank you!!! What a difference a lil receptor can make.. mind blowing actually.
Jasmin, via what other things do you bond? I feel like an alien most of the time😂
Congrats on the triple hybrid Savior🎉🎉🎉
How do you feel now?🎤
AV,
Psychopaths are born with structural differences to the brain. The alteration of the oxytocin receptor is just one element unique to the psychopath. There are other differences in the psychopath’s brain structure and differences in connectivity between structures. Emotional empathy is absent in the psychopath because there is not the brain structure to accommodate it. There are all kinds of structures and chemicals that work together on emotion and things like fear, oxytocin is a big hitter though. What they lack in emotion (limbic area) they make up for in the reasoning and language areas (frontotemporal)
Narcissists are not born. No alteration to the oxytocin receptor. In terms of brain structure from birth they are neurotypical. I would hypothesise that connectivity between structures might be the cause of the lack of emotional empathy once the narcissism forms. The brain is a muscle. If the pathways linking emotional structures in the brain aren’t used then it’s likely over time you would see connectivity differences. That’s just my hypothesis though, I have only looked at the psychopath side.
Hi Jasmin,
I agree, it is mind blowing and I only wish I had more brain power then I could better understand the science of it!
Tell you what I did learn the other day that might be relevant to empaths / some empaths. When looking at the brains of people that were abused in childhood, there is a commonality. The size of the amygdala is often larger than normal. The theory here is that abuse causes the victim to have to anticipate, think ahead to better protect against the possibility of incoming abuse. The victim essentially learns to better read behavioural / emotional cues and predict behaviour. The amygdala would be key in facilitating that ability hence the explanation as to why it is enlarged in some abuse victims.
It made me wonder about the Contagion element and empaths in general. There might actually be a valid scientific explanation as to why we are so in tune with others. In some cases, it might be because we had to be.
Xx
Hi TS,
Very interesting information you shared about psychopaths and oxytocin.
I was going to ask same question as posted by AV.
How come the narcs don’t bond if their oxytocin production function as normal?
If you have any insight please let us know.
Hi Jordyguin,
For me all physical contact. I love tactile touch. When I like someone I touch them and I like being touched by them. This of course was problematic with the N who didn’t like tactile touch at all. He especially hated if I touched his hair.
I’m also convinced that smell forms an important part then it comes to bonding. Ever since my children were born I have smelled them on top of their heads. I do that with my cats too (and their paws! Few things smells as good as catpaws.)
My romantic partner I’m more likely to smell in their neck or chest.
Although I smell my friends when I hug them I dare not do so in a such obvious fashion. It would feel awkward. I’m not that close to them.
Another thing that I find very strengthening for a relationship is when you are faced with difficulties/conflict but you solve them/it together in a constructive manner.
TS,
I can’t figure out how to respond directly to your comment so I’m going to include a link to it.
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-6/#comment-440739
This is fascinating. I frequently think ahead & will try to anticipate what will happen next. Then I’ll try to stop it before it does happen. Sometimes it to my own detriment. Maybe that’s why we’re overthinkers as well.
TS, thank you, interesting with regard to psychopathy. Your hypothesis regarding narcissists seems logical. Maybe we will know in time.
If it’s about prime sims wouldn’t hookers be better? Ever paid for it?
Men like HG don’t pay for it.
Allow Charlie Sheen to explain:
When he was being sentenced for using a prostitute, the judge asked him why a man like him would have to pay for sex. Sheen reportedly replied: “I don’t pay them for sex. I pay them to leave.”
The payment is for complication-free company.
Hi Jasmin,
Glad you asked these questions, they give me a different perspective on some things for sure!
It is so interesting that the one prime aim, control, is enough to push the narcissist to seek an empath over a narc many times. But the other three being equal or slightly more towards the narc side don’t make a difference. That is especially interesting given that character traits of a narc will be those stolen from others, yet still of value to a second narc.
I have noticed that narcy women, said this way because unconfirmed, do tend to be spectacular, or so they lead you to believe, in making money. Empath women that i know who bring in the bulk of the money for their family tend to have jobs, quite nice ones even, but nothing powerhouse like the narcy women claim.
My dad, as a young narc, must not have realized that but about control… That’s making me laugh a little…
Hi AV,
Yes, HG says control and fuel are the two most important of the prime aims.
From HGs awnser I understand that the lower echelons narcissists are unlikely to offer any valuable character traits whilst a higher echelon very much will do so.
Empaths also vary in intelligence, education, skills, social status and so on.
I suppose it’s a question of “which Empath” 🆚 “which Narcissist”.
As we’ve been chatting here for a while I feel excited to tell you that I finally took the EDC! I came back standard triple hybrid (with saviour being the largest of the minority cadres) Is your saviour majority cadre or the largest minority cadre?
Hi Jasmin, I hope you find this reply to your comment on which you asked about my Savior element.
My Savior came in at a whopping 63%. Then Carrier, then Geyser. The Geyser is only insignificant, so I am not a hybrid. My Savior is so strong, so much a part of me all the time, that it took me quite a while to see it, to understand how it manifests. The Carrier was much easier to see, and is an element that I’ve disliked since long before I knew about narcissism. Probably because I feel that people should accept their own personal responsibility. But it is what made me take on the bulk of the childrearing and household chores etc. Which really pissed me off at times. At other times I was glad he didn’t interfere. The Geyser comes out when specific buttons are pushed and even with only an insignificant amount, the buttons are effective. So seeing those two so clearly made it so difficult to see how I typically live, the mode I am in, the Savior. It is a bleeding heart, idealistic, “please, can’t I make things better for you?” outlook. I have progressed to the point where i can now feel it when it is triggered by something out of the ordinary. Since it is ordinary for me to be in this mode, that progress is a good thing. Sometimes it sends up red flags when I feel this. Okay, grown men should not need saving. But I’m drawn to those assholes like bees to honey. I mean, I just want to improve their life, bring healing to their souls blah, blah, blah… It disgusts me that I have this desire and this is how it comes out. I have not yet learned how to overcome it except to run if I feel it. But I can tell you, the desire is not to run, it is to go full in. Ugh.
I have also seen this with women narcs, certain ones, that I feel a desire to help, to save. It makes me sick! But better to know than not.
What are your schools? And how do you see your elements manifesting?
Very exciting to have done your EDC! I am happy for you, it has been a huge piece of the whole picture for me in learning how I respond to narcissism and how to read my own responses. So, very happy for you!!
Jasmin.
Congratulations on your EDC results! I’m a triple hybrid Savior, Carrier, Geyser also – 33% each.
This narc-on-narc action sounds peculiar to me – but then again not – some narcissists, celebrities, artists, musicians, VIP folks, well the facade is their bread and butter!
That being the most important facet of their life, I guess having a narc spouse is the answer. Like Clooney and Amal. And I think Sting and Trudi.
Someone who will help them make headlines, with buzzwords and clichés, who will dress in those exquisite clothes every day, someone who enjoys the shallow every day PR life, and thrives to make all of those glamorous couples’ photos on Instagram. “We must be happy together; we make all these glamorous appearances”
And some are not charming enough to attract a Nonnarc longtime, I think I have noticed. Their personality is a bit too harsh.
Another narc is all they get.
@TruthSeeker6157,
I believe you’re right about abuse making you learn to react sooner to people’s vibes and hints of coming hits, punhes, slaps etc. I know I’m very sensitive to tone of voice from people, I noticed it the other day in consultation with HG. His voice changed and I reacted,but for the first time I noticed me reacting to his changing voice….I sat there stunned at my realization of what I do instinctually and now with my full awareness….HG, did you notice my reaction??
HG, I also have another question….Being a hybrid of narc and psychopath….I do so hate that term…anyway, question…do you experience infatuation the same being aware?? What does it feel like to you??
@ Jasmin and Leigh,
I’m a triple hybrid in School and Cadre. Savior 50%, Geyser 25% and Carrier 25%
Schools are 55% Standard, 27% Codependent and 18% Contagion. Now you get the full picture of me. 😂 xx
Hi Rebecca,
Thank you for sharing! I just looked at my schools and had the percentages wrong in my head. I remembered the cadres because it was easy, 33% each. The schools are 56% Standard, 37% Super, 7% Contagion. I thought I was higher in Contagion and lower in Super. LOL!
I have found many women choose to be alone as they age. One said to me “ it takes a hell of a man to replace no man at all. I find in general these women are more intolerant to compromise. More intolerant to putting up with bad behavior at all. I wonder if they are normals. It would seem no attraction to narcs. I am sure many of you have knowledge of the type. And maybe they are happy unto themselves. Interesting thoughts. Not in any way are these dynamic women I have met “ cat ladies” or spinsters” but those who took a different course. Never married often. Content to just be.
@Leigh,
I thought I would have more Contagion, when I got my results I was shocked. 😂 I was dismayed when I saw how much Codependent I was. I cringed, when I saw 27%. I told HG I cringed to see that one. 😬
It hurts me to read this. Again, my heart goes out to Shieldmaiden. Treat her like a Queen HG. HG, if there is something I could give to you, it would be feelings. What a man you would be if you had those.
Best,
DB
On the contrary. HG’s response is the best way anyone can reply to a question about their sexual partners. Nothing else is as polite or discreet or as respectful.
This is a wise perspective.
New Quick Calm suggestions
I WANT CHANGE THE PAST
The desire to change the past and escape immediately by the narcissist, or counter-manipulate the narcissist, take revenge etc.
IF I HAD TRUSTED OF MY INTUITION
The sense of guilt because you felt the something was wrong with the person. But you ignored your intuition and the manipulation (when detected)
I WILL NEVER TRUST OF SOMEONE ANYMORE
The incapabily of trust again of people. In every situation.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I have been thinking about the facade/ persona in the construct of a narcissist. I was wondering if I may please ask some questions regarding your own experience with this. I am basing my questions on assumptions which are likely to be inaccurate, as I have not engaged with the site for very long, and certainly do not know as much about the persona of HG Tudor, as other people on the blog do. So I can only hope that you may forgive the multiple levels of my ignorance / inaccuracy.
I am making an assumption that HG Tudor is a persona which you created for the purpose of creating the legacy, enabling you to write in detail, the material which has been so valuable to so many. A persona through which you can educate and build a valuable service / business in that name. I assume that there are many more reasons then this also, from what I have read so far.
My assumption is also that you have a ‘real life’ name, life, occupation, role in a family (which remains anonymous for obvious reasons). However with much of your writing based in your real life persona experiences.
With these basic assumptions I am curious about the relationship between the “real life” man whom I also assume has a persona of his own, hiding the creature, and the HG Tudor persona.
So my questions are –
1- Are there multiple persona’s , aliases for the “real life” man ?
2- Does the persona of HG Tudor offer a level of a shield / guard to the “real life” persona when there is a potential critic / criticism of HG Tudor? Can the real life persona deflect this more easily as “ it’s not actually me” ?
3- Has it become harder to separate the real life persona and the Mr Tudor persona, as the later has built up more of a following and notoriety over the years?
4- Assuming that there are Distinct boundaries between the persona’s, in that no one who has come to “know you” as HG Tudor, would ever meet you in person, be that a member of the blog or an interviewer for example. Have you had any near Misses, while oscillating between personas in day to day life? For example, using the name HG on the end of an email to a colleague, or a message to an acquaintance in real life?
I understand if these questions are not of any interest to you, or are irrelevant/ stupid.
I thank you for your time, and your patience. I thank you for your guidance, and the information/understanding that I have garnered here. I really do appreciate you, and what you create. Thank you sir. X
1. Yes.
2. It is not used in that way.
3. No.
4. No, I am not stupid.
Thank you Mr Tudor.
I appreciate you answering my questions about the persona’s as something that I have been genuinely curious about.
Thank you for everything, for the extra understanding and knowledge that I have gained here. I feel that I have been able to read and understand the final chapter of my story with the narcissist. I think that I can finally close the book, and have that freedom in my mind, that I have been longing for. Thank you so much for that gift. X
EveBea,
Those were interesting questions – especially number 2.
Hi Whocares,
Thank you for that, I am really interested in the psyche and personas.
I always perceived personas as masks/ shields, versions of the self, which can be expanded upon with more detail to enrich the illusion for others, and the core self. They can protect from some harm, so I had wondered that if a narcissist has multiple masks/ personas, they are likely to have more shields / protection.
My assumption was that the persona of HG Tudor, being so grand and untouchable / unseen, as one of the multiple masks, could be a protection to the “real man”; as that grand persona can deflect criticism, and the real life persona can frame it as “ not really me, so the criticism is not directed at me”.
However as above my assumption was inaccurate and corrected by Mr Tudor.
Eve Bea,
“Thank you for that, I am really interested in the psyche and personas.”
Definitely an interesting topic.
We all, of course, present a public front to the world – but when we have self-awareness, we know that whatever we are putting forth isn’t the extent of who we are, in totality, as a person.
“They can protect from some harm, so I had wondered that if a narcissist has multiple masks/ personas, they are likely to have more shields / protection.”
The important difference, when it comes to the unaware narcissist, is that they don’t know they are using a shield – or the “construct” – they actually identify with that construct as who they are as a person.
Only aware narcissists would know that they use a construct – or ‘shield’ of some sort (because they wouldn’t necessarily use the term “construct”) as a form of protection from threats to control (criticism being only one of many ways that their control may be threatened.)
It would be interesting if aware narcissists could essentially, ‘shore up’ protection from one persona/construct and use it to deflect criticism in another area, wouldn’t it?
I mean, that is actually something we are capable of, isn’t it? We can let criticism in one area of our life roll off our backs, so to speak, because we know someone giving the criticism doesn’t necessarily have the full picture, or doesn’t know us in all areas of life.
Excellent questions EveBea, thank you for asking them.
HG, would you be comfortable estimating the number of people who know your true identity and also know you are HG? It’s at least one, your brother. Does his wife know as well? What about the people you employ for HG’s work, such as your graphic artist?
Co-Dependent Empath + Super Empath
can this couple works?
As for the schools of Empathy assigned to one person, then – yes.
Thank you!
Black Phoenix, that is my combination.
It can exist, as Joa said.
Dear HG–Which of your detectors should I begin with if I have no idea at all what I am? Or would a consultation be the first step?
Empath Detector, Allison.
If a psycopathic narcissist target a married woman, what the husband can do?
I mean, without commit a crime…
I talk about an husband who know things about psycopathy and narcissism.
Is it possible protect her in some way?
HG do sociopaths exist or are they just lower functioning psychopaths?
I don’t believe they exist personally, at least I don’t think there is a justification for placing them in a separate category
I do believe they exist, they are the more obvious, haphazard, hot headed ASPD.
So aren’t they basically lower functioning psychopaths
Like you get lower functioning narcissists?
No, there are other differences.
God damn it
So now we have to worry about a whole other breed, the sociopath
HG would you ever consider interviewing a pure psychopath on your channel so we can compare the similarities and differences? I think it would be quite juicy
I will be writing about this separately.
Thank you HG
If there is an assessment of an individual that can be used as an example that would be great too
Excellent. Looking forward to reading it.
Will it be on your blog or only access via the vault?
Hello HG,
How is your experience of amusement parks? Do they entertain you?
No, they are for children.
I enjoy them and I’m not a child. Must be because I didn’t play as a child – at least that’s what the Narcs have told me!
I imagine HG can’t enjoy them because he doesn’t feel fear so there isn’t much else to get out of them.
I swear I got PTSD the the first time I went on the Saw ride At Thorpe park… I was screaming my head off on every other ride after that 🤣🤣🤣
You should see the picture they snapped of me
We need to see this picture.
You know what I will find the picture and send it to you HG, you would buss up laughing if you could laugh genuinely
I’ll settle for a sneering laugh.
They have a new GHOST TRAIN ride! And it opens on Friday! Let’s go!!
Get in the passenger seat of my car, then you’ll know terror.
Better Scotchgard the hell out of your upholstery
“Get in the passenger seat of my car”
As long as it doesn’t beep when you put it in reverse.
I can’t stand, it when someone can’t drive smoothly and jerks the car.
Even going very fast and passing other cars one after the other, or slalom on two or three lanes, is a pleasure – if it’s done by a confident, focused driver.
Riding with someone, who speeds up, slows down, jerks forward and backward, is indecisive – it is indeed a horrible experience. I know one man who enjoys it – or he is just a very poor driver.
Hmmm… I sit in the passenger seat very rarely – once or twice a year. I choose my own car on a daily basis, even if it is economically unjustified (I make up excuses).
——-
For over 20 years I have been haunted by the same nightmare with the car 🙂 I’m driving, driving, driving and suddenly the steering wheel breaks out of the cockpit. I hold the steering in the air and lose control of the car.
A short and quite boring nightmare already, but it effectively wakes me up 🙂
Been there, done that got the T-shirt and scars to prove it (Not with HG of course but with one of his kind)
Just glad to still be alive
Makes you see the world in a whole different light, that’s for sure.
I’ll bring the tequila
Let’s go ghost hunting in Epping forest
The true terror would be being in the backseat. Scotchgard still advisable though.
Just want to clarify….terrifying in the back seat for you, not me.
How’s your Greek mythology?
Many a narc has fallen prey to the Spicy Poontang Dentata.
HG,
I think the true terror would be in the trunk/boot all gagged and tied up! Of course, I’d be back there trying to get untied,but just succeeding in hitting my head on something and cussing myself out….Hmm, I didn’t expect to see the golf clubs, thought you found it 😂 xx
No fun in the boot, I prefer it when they fight.
@ JOA,
I’ve had nightmares, where I’m driving and the brakes don’t work and I’m going very fast on a dangerous cliff road! I wake up myself screaming and shaking! I hate that!
Well, let’s see.. I went to the bathroom first,so no danger of messing up your seat and the plastic liner you put on the seat was a bit concerning, but knowing me, I’d get in anyway because my ET would tell me to disregard all the warning signs and do it anyway…so, yeah, where are we going? 😂
HG,
You prefer they fight…Well, I hope you’re wearing your jock cup! 😂 Because I fight dirty 😂 xx
“ No fun in the boot, I prefer it when they fight.”
HG I can’t fight, however I may release a deadly fart so you might want to reconsider the boot
Rebecca & Joa,
Dreaming about driving a car is a representation of our lives. The car represents us and driving it represents that we’re taking an active role in our lives. In the dream, if we’re a passenger, we’re taking a passive role.
Both of your dreams say to me that in that particular time of your life, you may have felt out of control.
Joa, losing the steering wheel indicates that you felt like you had no control over the direction of your life.
Rebecca, the brakes not working indicates you couldn’t stop what was happening and that caused you to feel out of control.
There’s a website called Dream Moods that’s really good at interpreting dreams.
Leigh, interesting, thank you.
This is how I interpret this dream (I analyze all my dreams that reflect desires, fears and current experiences).
Losing the steering wheel – that’s my fear. I know that. Control is very important and ubiquitous in my life.
That’s why this dream bores me – I solved it many years ago 🙂 And yet – sometimes it still repeats itself. Interloper! 🙂
@Leigh about the dream interpretations…I can see how not having any working car brakes ,in a dream, can represent the feeling of losing control in my life. I do feel the situation with my stepdaughter and her daughter, makes me feel I have no control. I’m also dealing with my husband’s step dad and his lack of cooperation with his mortgage bank….that I learned to just wash my hands of…no sense is trying to help a grown man, who won’t even try to cooperate with anyone. He’s like an overgrown toddler and I’m just done dealing with his dumbass! Walking away is the best answer for me there. I’m just worried about the little one.
Yes, no fear no adrenalin.. That lead to the second question: Might a pure narcissist enjoy the rides?
Only adrenaline junkies enjoy the rides
Like myself and many others!
I am with you then Anna.=)
Rides with G Force. They are fun. Mission to Space Epcot center Disney World. Aerosmith rock n roll a coaster in Florida. Fun fun.
Feel the adrenaline. I myself am an adrenaline junkie. Best is negative G Force.
Witch. Psychopaths maybe oblivious to psychological fear but their bodies still produce adrenaline. They just may pass it off though as food poisoining for example, and not recognise that it is in fact an adrenaline surge.
@Anna
The rides in the UK are tame compared to other parts of the world.
I saw one online (I think it was in Japan) that shoots you up into the air so that you’re no longer on tracks and you’re just left to drop back down onto the tracks. I’m guessing it would need to be closed on a windy day
You’ve been watching Katy Perry videos!
I don’t know what happened but I can’t find it now
I swear I saw it 😭
Because I showed my wife so I wasn’t hallucinating
I’m not crazy I swear!
@Witch That’s what appealed to me about the rides at TP, it looks like they have ones that aren’t standard adrenaline rides. Like the Black Mirror Labyrinth!
Epping Forest, yes, yes, and more yes!
Hi Witch,
I love some of the rides at amusement parks. The rollercoasters, the throw you around rides, the flip you around, upside down rides are scary,but fun. I’ll be screaming the whole ride, then get off and be laughing and wanting to do it again! The kind I don’t like are the ones, where you stand up against a wall and it spins in a tight circle, g force kicks in and you’re pushed up against the inside wall, round and round you go, faster and faster……yeah, it has several names, for me, it’s called Ralph ride, because I vomit from the tight spinning motion….forget it, I have to lay down and hope I don’t throw up my second grade lunch. I can’t take the tight spinning. The headache, the dizzy feeling….no thanks, I’ll pass on that ride. I’ve been to a few amusement parks, Downey Park and Wildwater Kingdom, Hershey Park and Great Adventure. I want to go to Universal Studios in Florida…it’s on my destination list. I want to see the Harry Potter world that’s there and I think they have a Jurassic Park and Terminator ride. I’m just a kid at heart and I enjoy having fun at these places! It’s what summers are for! I can’t wait! And then in the fall, there’s Renaissance Faires and Horse shows…so much fun! I’m all excited just thinking about it!
@kit Kat
I was going to experience all of that for fright night October 2022 but then it poured down with rain so we all had to leave and the park closed
I only got to go through one horror house before it closed 🙁
@Rebecca
I’m the same. I can’t go on rides that spin you repeatedly in circles or swing you back and forth repeatedly because I start feeling nauseous
I made that mistake once – went on a ride like that first and was nauseous for the rest of the day so unable to go on any other rides a part from one. The people I was with thought I was too scared to go on any other rides and was faking it to save face. But no, motion sickness is real
Rebecca, we react the same way. This kind of “stress” stimulates me to crazy bursts of laughter and screaming 🙂 I’m drunk – after a few large glasses of excitement, giddiness and happiness 🙂
The device you describe is one of my favorite 🙂
I like pretty much everything, except little roller coasters with no safety features and one device (can’t remember the name) – no safety features either, no harness, no railings, that worked on sum of centrifugal force, centripetal force, speed, acceleration, weight and whatever what I don’t remember from physics class anymore, ha ha ha 🙂
Anyway, this device gave me the impression, that I was to fly out of it like a fucking catapult bullet – so for several minutes I was holding on my legs and arms with all my strength against the walls of the “half-wagon/seat”. It was like a fight for life and it exhausted me terribly. I got out, dead-green in the face, and my muscles ached for a few more days. Who came up with this shit? I haven’t seen this device in amusement parks for several years now.
My sister is a real
terminator, when it comes to courage in this type of entertainment or dangerous sports. She’s better than me at bravado. Someone once described me as simply “more cautious”. And this veiled version of my cowardice I stick to, ha ha ha 🙂
——–
Today I performed psychotests as part of periodic professional examinations. My gosh, it was fun! People stressed and anxious, and I was laughing, relaxed and in my element, excited and amused like a small child in an amusement park or playing games with my peers 🙂 Physically and intellectually stimulating, like tasks to be solved. I passed each test with the best possible grade! Although I did have a few small mistakes: (1) when I got distracted (the instructor started talking on the phone), (2) at the beginning of the task, before I got into the required rhythm.
So, I am mentally healthy, I have sensational reflexes, perceptiveness and perspective assessment, ha ha ha 🙂
This kind of entertainment clearly triggers very positive emotions in me 🙂
Yes, I can sum up that psychotests (challenge, competition, focus, curiosity) released a lot of endorphins in m, that keep me in a bubbly mood even after a few hours 😀
Funny 🙂
Hi Witch,
The last time I went on one of those vomit causing rides, I was at a charity fun raiser in an open field and the rides were all portable and only there for the weekend. Never again….I know HG, but I really mean never again….I got so sick, it was so humid and hot, I almost fainted before I threw up.. terrible experience and my stepdaughter was laughing at the many shades of green I turned. I actually laid on the grass and prayed the world would stop spinning, thankfully there wasn’t any horse shit from the mounted police officers’ horses…the grass somehow centered me and I was able to recover my balance and health.
@Joa,
Sorry couldn’t find another was to reply to you without it going far away from the subject matter….you were speaking of mental test for your profession and how they stimulate you. I’ve had those types of mental test done before, at the request of my mother. I found them fun and I felt giddy from it too. The best part was my mother’s reaction, when I came alive and enjoyed the test. 😂 She was furious! 😂 I felt at home, wanting more and more. My adrenaline kicked in and I was grinning ear to ear. 😂 Let’s do that again! I’m having way too much fun! 😂 I love fun competition!
Rebecca, your story of lying on the grass – I know it from myself 😀 It happened that from the same device, my sister got out amused, and I was dying in “death convulsions”, so she laughed at me sincerely 😀
But, irronically, I had no problem, flying paragliding in high mountains with drunk instructors, whose native language I didn’t speak at all, and we partied together for a few days, ha ha ha 🙂
It made me laugh a lot – imagining you happy during the tests and your mum’s face 😀 Ha ha ha, thank you! 😀
@JOA,
😂 I’m glad my stories made you laugh! I have some people tell me I’m an entertaining storyteller, I think I just have a colorful and my own way of describing things. 😂 My mother used to say, there’s a right way, wrong way and then there’s Rebecca’s way. She always has to be different. Oh well, at least I’m not boring, would be my reply to her. 😂 Smart-ass 😂 Anyway, I’m quite the adventurer, despite my motion sickness from tight, spinning circles. I’ve gone ziplining, loooooved it! My husband, MLSOMATIC wanted to chicken out and not do it. 😂 Wimp 😂 I got my safety halter on and I was all excited and ready to go! 😂 The only part that made me hesitant, was the part when we climbed up on a high platform and then we had to zipline across the big lake. I was imagining alligators in the lake. 😂 Snapping at me as I crossed over them. I was reassured by the instructor, that no alligators were in the lake. My imagination got the better of me at first. 😂 After the first time, ziplining across, I was ready for more and more! I went across at least 6 times! It was so much fun! Others get scared, here I go, tearing through it, yelling and screaming and having a blast! I was shaking from all the excitement! Definitely going to do that again! So much fun!! Wahoo!! Xx
What type of position in the fuel matrix is more painful for the victim in your opinion?
I was an unconscious IPSS. A mix between DLS and normal.
Love-bombing with words, words, words. No gifts (not even when I graduated…)
I had always think (after the discover of the existence of an IPPS) that this was the most degrading, humiliating and psycologically destructive position.
-Indignity, “I’m not enought”, I don’t exist, I’m nothing-
No pics together on social media etc.
However a person who had been an IPPS for a period of time said to me that I was lucky because be an IPPS is more and more devastating when the end come. For many reason.
What is you idea about?
Based on the psycological damage of your victims?
It is a subjective evaluation.
School and Cadre of your mother?
UMR Elite as explained many times before.
Thank you.
Does she still try to manipulate you?
Or she understand “clearly” your narcissistic superiority?
Yes.
No, her narcissism prevents that.
Jeezus, when is she gonna kick the bucket already? It’s always the vilest people who live the longest.
You’ll have to throw a FUNeral, with 🎶Ding dong the witch is dead🎶 on repeat.
Jane Austen geek here, with a question about which narcissist H.G. Tudor would be in her canon:
1) Mr. Wickham
2) Mr. Elton
3) Mr. Churchill
4) Mr. Willoughby
Even better, which narcissist listed is the Greater Narcissist, and to which other categories do the others belong?
Hello LMT, you need to use Know the Narcissist from the Knowledge Vault for this.
Yes, after I posted this and spent more time on your Youtube channel and this blog, I came to the conclusion that none of the characters listed are Greater or Ultra narcissists. Have already checked into one of the videos in the Knowledge Vault and will access more later as more questions pop up.
As I think about it, I don’t think you really are any of those now.
Why he is Mr. Darcy, of course. But with the charm of Henry Crawford. The duplicity of Frank Churchill. The calculating nature of Mr. Wickham. And seduction style of Willoughby. None of Mr. Elton. And during devaluation, the meanness of General Tilney.
@Annaamel, I hope you see this, I don’t know how to tag on here and I couldn’t find the thread, but I wanted to answer your question about Holden Caulfield. He’s such a complex character. He lies a lot, but his lies are mostly to please other people, and make them happy. He can’t go through with Sunny because he has too much empathy for her. Jane’s situation was very upsetting to him, and as the title suggests, all he wants to do is catch little children from certain death in the rye. I’d have to say 100% empath. What do you think?
I agree KitKat. He’s almost overwhelmed by his empathy. If I were to guess at a school and cadre for him, I’d be inclined to classify him as a standard saviour empath. He’s not confrontational but he wants a better world.
Yay, I’m glad you saw my comment! CITR remains in my top five fav books of all time. I haven’t studied up on the empath schools and cadres at all, but isn’t there one that is very affected by what happens to other people? Is it contagion? He gets depressed and feels sad on people’s behalf. Is that just standard?
You know that feeling when something is so precious that it actually hurts? It’s so precious that It makes you overwhelmed with a type of joy that also feels sad. It’s hard to explain….Holden gets that a lot. Like when he’s watching his sister on the Merry-Go-Round.
Crying at weddings is a good example. It’s an emotion that is impossible to experience if you have no emotional empathy.
Is this an emotion experienced more often by a specific type of empath?
I think all empaths may cry at a wedding but that the geyser would be the most likely to do so.
The overwhelming joy might also be indicative of the geyser cadre.
Lie a lot to make people happy -Chained said co-d’s (often?) use positive manipulation.
Ps. I’m not familiar with the character. Just read your comments. Ds.
Classic literary characters are fun to dissect! Not Jane Austen, but what do you think about Miss Havisham? She’s not a narc because even though that one event affected her so deeply, narcissism doesn’t develop in adulthood. Plus she regrets what she did to Estella. How about Estella? Narc?
HG. You are such a prolific blogger, I can’t keep up. How fast do you type? I’m around 100 wpm, but would, these days, get a serious case of RSI if had to type as much as you are putting out. Maybe there’s a typist minion in the basement of Tudor Towers doing this for you? Picturing something along the lines of .. Regus Patoff’s Records Room. 🤖
I don’t mind when you don’t reply. Fundamentally I just enjoy knowing that you read, and maybe post, my comments. Good, bad, liked, disliked or indifferent.
The important truth for me is .. when all the shit is raining down .. with all the freaking pain and heartache on all the lovely innocents affected by our narcissist driven shit hole of a dilemma .. the only one I absolutely know “completely” understands it .. is you, HG.
What happens when two narcs meet and attempt to mirror each other?
See When Narcissists Collide.
Thank you for your reply, I look forward to doing so.
HG, I’d like to ask whether you would be able to suss out a narcissistic psychopath within the responses given in completed a Narc Detector questionnaire?
BTW, I really liked how you designed the EDC questionnaire 🙂
Yes.
Impressive, yet not surprising. Thank you for answering, HG 🙂
New here, just catching up – how did you learn you were a narcissistic psychopath?
A psychology graduate ex-girlfriend confirmed a number of matters, some of which I was aware of, some of which I suspected.
Ah, so no PCL-R then.
Did she confront you or accuse you? Is this the reason she broke up the relationship? Did she go no contact?
Did you professional diagnosis from your Doctor/Therapist say ASPD with narcissistic tendencies?
Yes HG, thank you for answering this! This means I was not married to a psychopath! I had no idea you would have said so in his NDC had you picked up on it! This is such a huge relief!!
@AV, AspEmp, WhoCares, NarcAngel, Leigh, JB, Contagious, JOA, and WiserNow,
I got the ND done on my stepdaughter and my dad. My stepdaughter is a Middle Lesser Somatic, like her dad, my husband. My dad was normal! I’m relieved to know his love was real, just like I felt it was real. I’m very relieved and grateful. Xx I had a strong feeling my stepdaughter was a narc, the ND confirmed it. Just wanted to tell you all and thank HG again. Xx I’m planning on doing a ND on my brother and mother next. I’m pretty sure it’ll be positive for my mother and I’m starting to think, my brother had more going on than just being a narcissist. I’ll be finding out soon enough. Xx
Rebecca,
This is great news! I’m so happy to hear your Dad was normal! His love was real. Today is good day! Thank you for sharing your news!
Hi Rebecca 🙂 I am so glad that your dad was a normal, I can imagine your relief. Thank you for sharing the results of NDC and you knowing the results does give you a peace of mind. 🙂 x
Rebecca, thank you for letting us know! I’m so happy for you about your dad! That you can rest in the knowledge that his love was real, so great!
I remember when mine came back and confirmed what I already knew, that it was a relief, it made everything make sense. In this way, I am glad for you to know, with regard to your stepdaughter. Now you have the evidence and the options in front of you.
Rebecca,
“My dad was normal! I’m relieved to know his love was real, just like I felt it was real. I’m very relieved and grateful.”
Good to hear!
I am sorry to hear about your step-daughter – I guess the apple didn’t fall very far from the tree there.
Hi Rebecca,
Thank you for sharing your ND results. I’m happy for you that you have confirmation about your dad being a normal. That’s a positive result. Good for you! It gives you relief and comfort to know that and to know your relationship with him was a genuinely reciprocal one.
It’s a step forward to receive confirmation from HG about people you aren’t sure about or suspect are narcissists. Once you receive the confirmation, it helps to reduce emotional thinking and the ‘racing mind’.
You probably already had a fairly good idea that your step-daughter was a narcissist, however the ND result solidifies your reasoning and also takes away any doubt. I found it sad to learn that someone I know is a narcissist, because the hope I still had was gone. On the other hand, it gave me a clear sense of what I was dealing with.
I think acceptance of certain situations is easier when you have knowledge or a greater level of certainty. That is also true about self-knowledge too.
Once you accept the situation for what it is, it allows you to ‘refocus’ and then make plans or decisions, or simply start to change your mindset, according to the best way forward.
Well done Rebecca, on completing the NDs and receiving the results from HG!
By the way Rebecca, I wanted to ‘like’ your comment but couldn’t find it on WordPress. This ‘Questioning Me’ post is from 2016 and I think searches on WP have a time limit.
Anyway, you have another like from me 🙂
@ Leigh, AspEmp, AV and WhoCares,
Thank you all, it was nice to get the confirmations about my dad and stepdaughter, eventhough, the result for her wasn’t good news…at least now, I can be glad she didn’t get full custody of her child. Because of her behavior with her ex boyfriend, she lost the custody case, she still has visitation. My husband and I get her kid on Sundays, sometimes the whole weekend. She tells us, she wants to live with us. It hurts I don’t have more power in the system to protect her more. Her dad has custody of her and he’s not a bad father, but because of what happened in court, I’m not allowed to speak to the father about my stepdaughter’s behavior to him. It’s an ugly situation and I love this little girl and worry about her, with her mother and the boyfriends she picks to move in with and live off of….I worry and fear leaving her in the situation she’s in. HG, I need to find a solution to this issue,but the court gives me no say. I feel completely at a loss, as what to do here. I think I’d lose it, if something were to happen to her. I can’t go into more detail on the blog. Anyway, thank you all and HG, for the support and help. Xx
@Leigh, AV, AspEmp, and WhoCares,
I forgot to mention, I make sure my husband, MLSOMATIC, is nice to the little one.. he sometimes mocks her and she gets upset with him, I step in and tell him to knock it off, stop upsetting her. He laughs and I give him a contemplating look, he stops laughing and mumbles, he’s just having fun. I tell him, it’s not fun for her and you could be damaging her self esteem, knock it off, grow up! I get so mad at him, when he does that, that I just get the strong urge to hit him. I have to mentally talk myself down from wanting to snap on him.. full out punch him in the nose , but I reason with myself, not good, while driving and not good to fight period, especially with the little one….and I distract myself, by talking with her and breathing slowly and deeply……it’s not forever, it’s not forever…
Rebecca, I completely relate to the desire to punch him in the nose, I have felt a time or two also with the narcs from my life.
Rebecca,
“It’s an ugly situation and I love this little girl and worry about her, with her mother and the boyfriends she picks to move in with and live off of….I worry and fear leaving her in the situation she’s in. HG, I need to find a solution to this issue,but the court gives me no say. I feel completely at a loss, as what to do here.”
It so fortunate that that little girl has someone in her life like you, who is caring and compassionate and wants to look out for for her well-being.
But – and I am just going to be blunt – you need to save yourself first Rebecca.
After that, you’ll be in a much better position to help others – or specifically this little girl, if it’s in your power to do so.
Hi Rebecca, It’s good your step granddaughter had you in her life. She’ll get to see empathy in action. How old is she? Is she young enough for you to still be an intervener? What do you think about the girls father? Do you think he can be a narc too?
After learning that my daughter was a narcissist, LMR Somatic, I asked Mr. Tudor about future protection should my daughter have children. He suggested the Child Defender Package. Maybe if she’s young enough, that’s something you can consider as well.
I believe that words have power so I’d like to make a suggestion, if I may. When you say to yourself, “It won’t be forever. it won’t be forever”, forever is the word that has the power. May I suggest you say, it will be over soon or the end is near or he’ll be gone soon.
I don’t know if my cockamamey, hocus pocus works but I figured it can’t hurt to try.
@ WiserNow,
Thank you, I am very relieved about my dad and my stepdaughter, I’ve been suspecting her of being a narc for some time now. It’s nice to get confirmation from HG about both. Thank you for your support. Xx I just sent HG my answers for my brother’s ND.
Rebecca, I’m so glad these results have brought you peace of mind. Now you know, where you stand.
And I’m a little jealous of your dad’s love 🙂 Even when he’s gone, you can still lean on it.
In fact, I don’t even know what it’s like, but I can imagine, that the father-daughter relationship must be a very powerful feeling!
You are lucky! Believe it 🙂
@Leigh,
Thank you, I’ve known her since she was born. I was there, when she was born. She’s 4 now and going to be starting Pre K this fall. The custody arrangement will have to be changed then. Her father seems like a good person, but I wasn’t around him much to have enough material to figure out if he’s a narc or not. I’m planning on discussing this with HG. It’s funny how HG posted the Child Defender right after I commented here. 😂 I swear HG reads minds. Must be another one of HG’s super powers. 😂 xx
Thank you for the word advice. I believe in manifesting your own future through Word choices. I will change my wording, in my thoughts. Thank you xx
I also made a long comment on the Child Defender post this morning too.
@Joa,
Thank you, I do feel a weight off my shoulders, there’s no more wondering and guessing, now I know, my dad loved me! That makes me feel like crying with joy and I hold all of his memories even harder to my heart! Joa, the love we shared feels like the warmest glow in my heart. I would have done anything for him and I believe it was mutual. He was my first hero and the night he died, I was mad at the sun for shining so bright that next morning. I thought, how can the sun shine? He’s gone, there is no sun. The song by the Rolling Stones called, Painted Black, sums up my feelings. I wanted the sun to mourn him, like I mourned him. I wanted everything to just go away and stop being so bright. I was very much a daddy’s girl, very attached to him. When he would do Naval duty overseas, I would mourn his absence, like he died each time. When he did die, I was devastated. I wanted to die. It was the hardest, most consuming pain I ever felt, and lived through, and then I felt that grief again, when LMRSOMATIC put me on a shelf and left. Now I survived that too and I’m no longer attached to him. He’s not in my life now and I don’t welcome him back. Xx
You’re welcome Rebecca 🙂
@AV,
I can’t stand to see an adult pick on a little child, it’s just not right and it’s harmful to how that kid feels about herself or himself later in life. I really had to calm myself down, when I saw MLSOMATIC picking on her,she’s only 4…it was hard not to want to hit him. As my dad would say, hitting doesn’t make you the person who’s right, it makes you reckless and then you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. He taught me, that hitting isn’t the wise thing to do. I guess he didn’t see discipline as hitting. He grew up in a time, when it wasn’t looked at as hitting or abuse. I know discipline can get out of hand , but how out of hand does it have to go to step into abuse, or is it abuse already?? I don’t know. I spent so long denying my own abuse, that I pushed it down and just accepted it as something I deserved, or thought I deserved. I just minimized it, as if it was no big deal, lots of kids get hit, lots of kids go through this, I told myself often, i thought for so long I was just too sensitive, as some people would tell me.
I know I still miss my dad and I know the abuse he went through growing up. I feel for what he went through and I understand he thought he was doing the right thing. I felt love and I felt protective over my dad. That’s what I feel for people, who I care about, protective and warm, deep affection. I’m rambling on, sorry, I feel emotional from the ND results on my mother. Hope I make sense xx
AV, AspEmp, Joa, WhoCares, WiserNow, Leigh, NarcAngel, JB and Contagious,
I’m currently eagerly awaiting my ND results on my mother. I just need to have a clear picture of who she was, because I gotta know. It’s like unmasking my abuser, it needs to be done, so I can bury her, with the right label and move forward in healing. I’m doing it for me and my journey back to me, without her haunting me. I need this, hope ya’ll understand. Xx
Hi Rebecca, I completely understand, I sent my dad’s in after he’d passed also. I was pretty sure he wasn’t a narc but it turned out he was and it explained a lot of things for me, even after the fact. I support your decision 100%.
Hi Rebecca,
I agree its important to understand where we come from and how that impacts us. I support your decision as well
Hi AV,
Thank you for your support xx I’m going to talk with HG over the results of my mother’s ND, before I discuss it here. I just got the answer today.
Thank you again xx
@Leigh,
Thank you, it means a lot to me that you support my decision. I just had to know….
HG,
I caught my brother , one time, hurting the family dog. I found it very upsetting and thankfully I caught him , before he really hurt her. He was about 11 yrs old at the time. When you do the ND on him, I hope I find my answers about his behaviors. It definitely wasn’t normal.
HG,
May I share the ND results for my dad and stepdaughter, on the blog??xx
Yes
Thank you, HG! Xx
HG,
Do you accept that ASPD is different to psychopathy?
No, I know that some people do say as such but I find that unhelpful. See my answer to Leigh with regard to narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy and ASPD.
HG,
Can your ND hold up in court? Have you gone to court for one of your NDs before? I think you mentioned you did before, like over zoom, with just audio….I could be wrong.
No, I have not appeared in court in relation to a ND, nor have I stated as such.
HG,
I think I must have read it either as a comment on the blog or as a review on your Narc Detector done for them. The person wrote, that they used the ND in court and it helped to prove the person they were fighting against, for custody of their child or children, wasn’t the right parent to have custody and I believe he or she won the case. Your ND helped him or her. It was a while ago, like late 2021, when I first started here on the blog. I couldn’t remember, if you showed up through zoom audio or not. You said no, thanks for clearing up my confusion on my memory. Xx I appreciate it. Xx
HG,
Yes, thank you, I saw your response to Leigh before this one. I go at it from the opposite direction. I’ll save it for consultation.
HG have you seen the short film (it’s on YouTube) “the strange thing about the Johnsons” ?
It’s narc related
No, I have not, Witch.
Have to seen You? Authentic? Why are there so many shows about psychopathic killers on tv? Why do empaths, normals, etc… love I? It’s like the Roman days of collusions or that matter any public hanging or death people would flock to see as entertaining and nment…yes?
Oft times the more uncomfortable a film is to watch will correlate to the importance of watching it. That goes double for The Strange Thing About The Johnsons. It’s fascinating how swapping perspectives will so vividly illustrate the reality of a situation.
@kitkat
Yeah the film touches on what we have spoken about here:
-appearances/facade
-emotional thinking – loyalty to the perpetrator
-control/fear created by narcissist
-character trait acquisition
-the mother’s denial
Revision of history and blame-shifting as well.
There is a good example in the true story of a female narc’s abuse of a male in YouTube’s: I survived: The case of Alex Skeel and his abusive girlfriend. It shows the progression, the manipulations, the attempted intervention of others, and it’s interesting to watch her speaking to the police with her version of events. There are too few examples of the abuse of male targets and this is a good one.
Yes! Watched it. A bit more and Alex would have faced death. I wonder now if she was doing it on purpose or if she would have turned the direction at the last moment.
We had this in England recently with Abigail White who murdered her boyfriend and father of their children, Bradley Lewis. She stabbed him in the chest
Yep, after I watched Alex Skeel, Abigail White was suggested also. Watched that one too and ended up watching couple others and police interrogation videos also. When they detect lies and explain what’s going on🤯 bahhh
NA, thank you for sharing about this case. I watched it. I found it quite saddening watching him talking as he was interviewed for the programme because it does appear that despite he got away from her, the trauma is still quite visible. I agree, not many men share their experiences of abuse.
In my opinion Zelenskyy is not less Narc than Putin.
Maybe less clever…
Do you agree with me?
Putin is Greater. Selenski is Mid-Range I think.
If Zelenskyy is a narcissist then it’s much less obvious. To me that suggests that he may be even more clever
If Volodymyr Zelensky is a Narcissist, I love what he does and how smart he does it. I’d love to be a mouse to follow the melody of his flute…
Putin is a cockroach, whose narrow-mindedness, one-sidedness and primitive hatred have been evident for at least 20 years. It is rather shocking, that this has been turned a blind eye for so long – although in my country alarmed many times and there has been tension and anxiety for many years.
Hi Joa, my friend in Poland loves Zelensky, thinks the same as you about Putin. I have tried to learn from her what she sees that I don’t see, from where I am in the US. I have heard both sides, conflicting, it is confusing. Is it constant concern that Putin might at any point strike? And Zelensky is not a threat? Or is it showing else? Do you see Zelensky as a narc from where you are?
AV!
Volodymyr Zelensky is not a threat. He is a hero, a wise defender of his country – perfectly aware of the narcissistic profile and specific nature of Russians (not all!).
Only those Ukrainians, who are cowards, don’t like him.
That’s how I see him, and I think most of my countrymen do. Of course, there are also opposing opinions – mainly extreme and nationalist options. Fortunately, at the moment they are very tempered, inhibited – by the pressure of public opinion.
Russia is an imaginary power – extreme wealth for the few and immense poverty for the majority. Primitivism, submissiveness, fear, more objectification of citizens than in other countries. But… prominent people have psychological manipulation on a much higher level, than in other countries – they have it “in their blood” and they train in it from generation to generation. In the era of communism, elected leaders, social leaders and prominent figures from the satellite states were obligatorily trained for 2-3 years in Moscow. For 20 years, I was very close to such a person professionally. Phenomenal, rarely seen POWER of extensive range radius – for many people inscrutable and insurmountable. Yes, I also always felt respect (but not fear, like most people) – although I belonged to the “chosen ones” (father-daughter relationship)…
Volodymyr Zelensky for me is Super Empath with a huge S.
And if he is a Narcissus – then one whose idea is worth following – until he goes off track. You always have to be alert to that. I’m absolutely not afraid of it – I’ve been doing it all my life and I know, how to correct it. I will write more – correcting from the outside is by Narcissists, who invest in a huge façade, much required. Narcissists can bring powerful and incredible amounts of good (in my empathetic understanding) through their accumulated energy, contagious enthusiasm, surrounding themselves with socially respected people and their large-scale momentum. They can provide harmony and peace. In return, they require the recognition of their undeniable advantages. And finally… in return, you must turn a blind eye to the dark zone – as long as this dark zone is kept under control; as long as it is an “invisible” niche; until only conceit, insolence and haughtiness begin to prevail; until darkness tip the scales and floods the light…
Probably, the last paragraphs, here will be considered heresy 🙂 Or maybe someone will understand, what it looks like through my eyes…
And finally: Putin has lost the way and he is just a common cockroach now! Thank you 🙂
Joa, thank you for sharing your perspective! Very interesting! And, it is as my Polish friend sees it also. She spoke of it in some of the same terms even. I like to hear from those closer to the source most often, it does give a different view. I would not label anything heresy, I simply want to know what people closer to it are seeing and thinking.
Thank you again!
AV, my statement about “heresy” was only related to the perception of Narcissism I described. This is contrary to what is described here.
Although from my perspective, it is absolutely not contradictory and it connects seamlessly. Yes, smoothly. Very fluid boundaries.
Do you see the world in terms of “good” and “evil?”
Or do you see it as “fuel” and “non-fuel?”
The reason I ask is that you are obviously doing so much good for people who are trapped by predators. It makes me think you are good and want to do good, but that would fit the definition of an empath.
Or is the help you are offering here solely fuel to meet your needs? Are “good” and “evil” just ideas that the rest of the world sees and you do not?
Good and evil are perspective adopted by certain individuals. I do not adopt that approach, although I understand it.
I do what is best for me. Sometimes that is viewed as “good” and sometimes that is viewed as “evil”.
It is all a matter of perspective.
Thank you for your reply.
It sounds like if it is best for you, it is good. If it is not best for you, it is evil/not good.
I guess if we are being honest, people come to this blog because it is “good” for them. In that case, the perspectives align.
Appreciate the insight, thanks again.
Hi HG,
Was wondering, after a break up with an IPPS, I know you don’t feel regret or sadness, but what goes through your mind only about the break up?? Is it simply, out of sight, out of mind, for you?? Thank you for all you do! Xx
It is done, unless it is brought back onto my radar in some way and then the first consideration is the application of control.
Does that mean your psychopathic need for goals achieved outweighs your need for fuel? Can one outdo the other?
Yes. Within my hybrid, my psychopathy is more dominant than my narcissism.
HG, thank you for confirming that.
1. Would this be the case for all narcissistic psychopaths?
2. Considering that the psychopathy is neurological based and the narcissism is the ‘block’ to emotional empathy (and sometimes, the cognitive empathy)?
3. With the existence of narcissistic psychopaths, would there be a psychopath to narcissism ‘spectrum’ as such (similar to your empath to narcissism spectrum), considering your 3 schools of narcissism and 3 levels of psychopaths?
Please do, correct me if I have misunderstood. Thank you 🙂
1. No.
3. See my comment re the chart that has been created.
Thank you, HG, I will read that 🙂
Well, that’s interesting.
I agree WhoCares, that was a very good question and a very interesting answer.
So your psychopathy is in control ultimately though it is kept in check by the narcissism. That is interesting.
No, I didn’t state that.
Contagious: “Does that mean your psychopathic need for goals achieved outweighs your need for fuel? Can one outdo the other?”
HG: “Yes. Within my hybrid, my psychopathy is more dominant than my narcissism.”
AV: “So your psychopathy is in control ultimately though it is kept in check by the narcissism. That is interesting.”
HG: “No, I didn’t state that.”
HG – Is it more a case of the psychopathy and narcissism combining in certain ways where they, effectively, enhance each other?
For example, the Carrier part of me is more dominant than the Magnet in me but the Carrier tendencies don’t control my Magnet aspects – however, with regard to…let’s say, artistic pursuits…the Carrier relishes the hands on task of creating the works and the Magnet in me enjoys the feedback and admiration from those who find the final product esthetically pleasing. So, they enhance each other – the Magnet benefitting from the efforts of the Carrier and the Carrier being motivated by the Magnet tendencies.
Similarly, do your psychopathic & narcissistic tendencies enhance each other?
I suspect I would dispose of more people were it not for my narcissism.
HG, do you think that if you did not grow up in a lack of control environment, you would have become a pure psychopath? My understanding is that a psychopath is born, but do you think environment determines whether he chooses a more prosocial path (for example, becomes a surgeon rather than murderer)?
Yes to your first and second questions.
I thought so. I think this is the case for all. Thank you HG
HG,
I think your psychopathy being dominate plays a part in you being so aware and your strong attention to detail works together, so you can better analyze people and yourself. Am I right? Xx
Yes.
Thank you HG, for your response and your confirmation. Xx
HG:
1. When you compare yourself in your early youth and now – did narcissistic traits prevail over psychopathic ones then?
2. In narcissistic psychopaths, do psychopathic traits increase and narcissistic ones decrease with age?
No.
No.
HG:
1. Comparing your youth and the present – are psychopathic traits gaining strength and narcissistic traits decreasing?
2. Do you need less and less fuel, but you get more and more bored?
There is no discernible alteration.
My need for fuel remains at a similar level. I get bored just as much as I once did.
Thank you very much for this answer.
@Joa,
Those were 2 great questions! Xx I’m glad HG answered them because I was curious too. Thank you both, one for the question and one for the answer. Xx
Mr. Tudor,
1. Do I recall correctly your saying that one of your therapists said to you that they thought your narcissism kept your psychopathy in check?
2. Regarding your observations of those who are the psychopath/greater narcissist hybrid…is there usually one that is dominant to the other?
3. In the cases of greater narcissists with both where one personality is dominant, what are your observations about the effectiveness of those where the narcissism is dominant vs those where the psychopathy is dominant?
4. What role does Machiavellianism play for you?
Thank you for your time.
1. You do not.
2. Yes.
3. Too detailed to provide in a comment.
4. It is part of my status as the Ultra.
HG, I apologize, you did not state that your psychopathy was kept in check by your narcissism. I remembered incorrectly, I thought you had said somewhere that one of the good doctors had suggested this.
No, AV, a separate psychologist said my narcissism got in the way of my psychopathy.
Hi HG,
Asked with fear of sounding a little daft, would you explain the difference between your narcissism keeping your psychopathy in check and your narcissism getting in the way of your psychopathy? I see they are different but wondering how it works exactly, and if it’s typical for narc/psychopath’s generally or specific to you.
I never stated that my narcissism keeps my psychopathy in check, therefore there is nothing to explain.
It was suggested that my narcissism “gets in the way” of my psychopathy because I am hyper focussed and goal driven by my psychopathy, the relevant psychologist formed the view that the requirement for fuel, i.e. getting a response from people, had the potential to distract from my hyper focus. I rejected that suggestion.
Thank you HG.
Thank you, Mr. Tudor, for clarifying on that.
Thank you, AV. I remembered something along the lines of what you were saying, but not the specifics.
Hello again HG, and hello to fellow readers,
For anyone who is following international news, you are probably aware that nothing less than a revolution is brewing in France, after two months of industrial action that has not achieved its aim because Macron has just forced through a law that nobody wants. (And we are putting into question much, much more than his law raising the retirement age.) It is the 11th time in less than a year that this government has used this very controversial tool (called 49.3) to force through laws nobody wants.
HG, you have established that Macron is a Greater Narcissist. He is also a coward. A cowardly autocrat. Do you reckon that:
1. Macron is acting really stupid (by making it clear for the whole world to see how autocratic he really is), without any strategy but more in a helter-skelter way because his control is being threatened from all sides?
2. He has a strategy: the revolutionary atmosphere here in all cities and towns is of course a threat to his control, but he knew this would happen and it is going to enable him to impose something like martial law, or a curfew (it has happened before in this country), to stop all opposition and continue to rule with the *minority* government he has had since he was elected.
Thank you for your insight.
The answer is 2.
Thank you very much for your reply, HG. I feared as much.
I do not claim to be familiar with all of the recent industrial action taken in France.
In terms of the the latest demonstrations by the people on the streets of Paris railing against the raising of retirement age from 62 to 64 years of age.
All I can say is the French do seem to be just a little bit spoiled and entitled, and possibly need to look elsewhere in the world to see what is going on ..
For example, retirement age with full benefits in a few other western countries is:
Australia, 66-67 years
UK, 66 years
USA, 65 years
Canada, 65 years
German7, 65-66 years
Switzerland, 65 years
Fighting against the urge to say “grow a pair” to these French “revolutionaries” (and I’m half French!)
64 will still not mean full pension for most people but never mind, as I said this uprising is about much more than raising the retirement age.
Sorry to see your French half (I would venture…) coming out as obnoxious, I who am not even half British but lived in Britain for quite a few years and would never be flippant enough to insult the British regarding any of the actions they would take.
I have always found it incomprehensible to claim that a country should accept a certain state of affairs/laws just because the neighbouring countries do. Or because it’s worse elsewhere. Does it help them, “elsewhere”? Well, nope.
As for feeling “entitled”, do read or re-read “De la servitude volontaire” written by Etienne de la Boétie, Montaigne’s great friend, in the 16th century when he was just 18. As he said: “The powerful seem great only because we are kneeling”.
Feel free to kneel all you want. Thank you for respecting those who won’t.
As you said, you do seem to know the situation in France, or the political history, or the spirit of the French.
Best.
Isabelle
*Edit: you do NOT seem to know the situation
I have been in two minds as to adding a reply or not .. however .. you do realise you are quoting writings referring to French society of around 450 years ago .. and that were written more than 200 years before the actual Revolution. Oui? I am not saying “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche.” 🍞🙄
In Poland:
– 60 years – women
– 65 years – men.
Dear TBS,
Yes, in Australia, it’s now 66 1/2 to 67 depending on your year of birth! It used to be 60 for women and 65 for men a long time ago.
From all reports, it appears the French govt kitty is not sustainable, so people need to keep working.
Being debt free when you retire helps enormously.
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
In terms of Macron himself, the only thing I would do is to repeat some of his ‘narc on narc” action last year when he stated, “I don’t think, I know.”
HG, Do you think the rest of us would benefit from imitating helpful psychopathic behaviors, without losing emotional empathy? Would it serve us to act as as if we had no fear when pursuing important goals, do what needs be done regardless of how we feel, and avoid pointless regrets?
There are certain clear advantages to the way I function that would be advantageous to others, however, adopting them to the same extent whilst maintaining emotional empathy could not be achieved. There is scope for you adopting them to an extent whilst maintaining your emotional empathy and that would bring advantages, even if not to the same scale.
I’ve dappled with this concept .. I don’t think it is really possible. You cannot be what you are not.
.. dabbled ..
Hello, HG. In terms of diet, are you a strict humanitarian?
Most of the time.
Are you jewish?
🙂
If required.
Oh wow, hadn’t thought of that one! Ugh, talk about a chameleon…how does anyone stand a chance.
Hahaha that made me laugh so much!
Same here Alexis!
HG Tulchinsky, what are you doing here?
Hey, I am no slaphead!
I always imagined HG with a full head of curly or wavy dark brown almost black hair. With silver grey streaks.
Like the character John (black Jack) Randall from the series Outlander. Older, wiser, refined like a fine red wine.
Skin tanned from the sun. Yorkshire lad. Well educated. Deep brown eyes.
Just my fantasy of course.
Anna, I laughed 🙂
Your HG fantasy is so “fairytale”, completely different from mine 🙂
I “see” an ordinary man, indistinguishable from others in appearance. Melted into the background.
Possibly… in a slightly more polished, “clean”, new-fashioned style – although I don’t think so or I don’t want think so, because this style annoys me.
Creation, like ruffled feathers in birds – aimed at dazzling, luring, and above all, covering or artificially “raising” a man to a higher position than he actually deserves.
As if clothes mattered…
@Anna
You’re almost there but think more blue eyes, straight dark blonde/light brown hair,
I don’t know if he tans brown or tan red though
The images on some of his videos with the v for vendetta mask, I believe is him
@Black Phoenix
Pervert
😋
This comment is for crowcatmk. I will place it here because I can’t reply directly or on WordPress.
Hi crowcatmk,
The thread where you questioned HG’s replies about a song is interesting and your comments resonate with me. I can understand much of what you have said. In my opinion, I don’t think you are ‘overthinking’ things or that you have ‘lashed out.’
The way I interpret your comments is that you are expressing your thoughts in an honest and thorough way. You are explaining your thinking in an *accurate* way and you are also asking for replies that will lead to *accurate* answers. And isn’t ‘accuracy’ something HG has repeatedly said he also finds very important?
I find that you are asking for accuracy in an open and meaningful way – no more or less meaningful than when HG says he wants accuracy.
I particularly like and agree with what you have said below:
“In my experience humans in general are fragile psychologically, that is what makes them dangerous to others. If people were strong they would not need a scapegoat, both collectively and individually, and they would protect others from being treated like that.”
I agree with this wholeheartedly. Humans in general are fragile psychologically and most people are defensive in their reactions to what others say. Perhaps this is due to negative thoughts being taken more seriously than positive ones because negative thoughts highlight potential threats or danger. Therefore, negative thoughts or memories are generally taken more seriously.
What you have said above about scapegoats also resonates with me – I absolutely agree. People *do* need a scapegoat, either collectively or individually. For example, a scapegoat serves to create more cohesion in a group. While the group members are focused on devaluing the scapegoat, they ‘agree’ and have more accordance with each other, thereby creating a greater bond between themselves, at the expense of the scapegoat who is belittled or ostracised.
If individual group members were stronger psychologically, they would be able to openly and honestly agree and disagree with each other, creating cohesion through an understanding that openness, intelligence and the acceptance of diverse views will be tolerated. There would then be no need to pour scorn on a scapegoat and create an outsider.
Crowcatmk,
To me, you didn’t overthink or overexplain. You are not stupid – on the contrary, I think you are very articulate and exact in what you have said in this thread and in others.
You described yourself in this thread as being ‘triggered’. Considering this thread and what each person has said, I think the word ‘triggered’ is inaccurate and is also a devaluing description.
Your responses, reactions and thought-process are valid. You are just as entitled and capable of having a response, reaction or thought-process as anyone else. If your personal response or reaction doesn’t accord with or resonsate with that of someone else, so be it. Why is one person’s reaction deemed as ‘having an opinion’ while another person’s reaction is deemed as ‘being triggered’?
It doesn’t make sense and the word ‘triggered’ is overused and derogatory, as though one person is not allowed to have their own honest reactions and opinions because someone else has implied they were ‘triggered’. The more I think about it, the more I think ‘triggered’ is a nonsense word, used to deliberately devalue someone else’s reaction or response.
Also, if you wrote your comment based on feeling frustrated or feeling another emotion, why does the emotion make your reactions and thoughts any less valid or justified? An emotion is the starting point of everything, whether people choose to believe that or not. A feeling of frustration, or annoyance, or curiosity, or playfulness, or whatever it may be, is what subsequent thoughts and actions are based on.
My aim in writing this comment is to say that I don’t think you are stupid or passive-aggressive or ‘triggered’. I can relate to your history and what you have said. I can also understand that you wanted a specific and honest answer. I think it shows you have a truthseeking trait and you do not wish to assume or guess because *accuracy* is preferable. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
Hi WiserNow,
I’m sorry that I did not write to you earlier. I was not aware of your post until recently because I took a break from the forum to clear my head. I appreciate your thoughtful reply.
What you said about the scapegoat issue is all on point. That is what I think about this also. I suppose it all boils down to deficiencies in empathy. If you don’t feel empathy it is easy to vent all your negative emotions onto somebody. It is not easy to process your own negative emotions and this is a weak point that can be used to manipulate people. Since most people are normals, have limited empathy that erodes under stress and no empathy at all for strangers… well mobilising them against a chosen scapegoat is just the path of least resistance. This is the thing that makes me very pessimistic about humans in general. How can we build a better society when it is so easy to divide us.
There is nothing wrong with wanting clarity and accuracy in communication. Emotions do motivate our actions and although they can blind us at times it does not mean that being emotional automatically invalidates your argument.
I say I was triggered because my reaction took even me by surprise. I did not want to stir up conflict. If I did not feel as strongly about this I probably wouldn’t have said anything or at least I could have said it better, without judgement and accusation.
I don’t think that I’m stupid either, but I know that I don’t know everything. I wanted to show that I will listen and consider criticism. If I have a need for control it is about understanding the situation, not about controlling people. I don’t want to force communication.
In the end it is what it is. I was drawn here by my need to understand and by my addiction. I got many important answers, for which I am grateful. But I think I reached the border between this being helpful and then turning into confusion again. I got too emotionally invested, which is why I had to walk away.
I think this issue should be put to rest, as it was before I wrote this. I just wanted to answer you WiserNow, so that you would know that I appreciate your reply and that I did not ghost you on purpose. Your post made me believe that what I said before was at least understandable. Thank you. Good wishes and virtual hugs.
crowcatmk
Your comment was not to me, but I wanted to say that it was just a moment in time (when that occurred) and on another day the result may have been different. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We ask, and sometimes we get the answer immediately, and sometimes it comes through another conduit (subsequent articles, discussion with others, or referral to a specific package in the Knowledge Vault). Don’t let one specific interaction colour your thinking negatively on further participation.
NarcAngel,
Thank you for writing to me. I admire your strength and your attitude. This means a lot coming from you. I was thinking about how to respond, which is why I did not write back till now. I understand what you mean about finding your answers indirectly, being addressed in other ways. I think those answers already came. I will always support this work, because it is accurate and it helps people. For now I lost my motivation for participating. This might change. We’ll see.
Hi Crowcatmk,
If you go away again for a while no problem, no need to respond even if not. Just wanting to let you know that I sometimes feel as you have expressed, wondering if things here are more helpful or causing more confusing. And for me frustration at times. I will be eternally grateful for what I have learned here but I have found that in order to keep my balance, I have to be careful when I come and go, which threads I participate in, etc. I find there are triggering things, I suspect many Empaths can be triggered by certain things, each their own, rather easily. And I wonder at times why some of those triggers happen here. But that aside, breaks to clear my head have become important. I don’t know everything, so checking back in is also of value for me, I just have to be careful about it. Best wishes! AV
Hi A Victor,
Yes, emotions tend to run high around here, and sometimes I can’t keep reading either. People share about their really painful experiences, express how they were affected psychologically and emotionally. There is a lot of wisdom, support and validation coming from it, but it hurts to read about it. I am really in awe of forum members’ strength and ability to survive despite everything. I think it is only logical that Empaths, who are emotional people in general and have experienced abuse, would be easily triggered. Hence all the heated discussions and conflicts, which are also at times overwhelming to participate in or just to follow. This emotional cacophony is sometimes too much for me. I also will be “eternally grateful for what I have learned here” as you said, and there definitely is always more to learn. Thank you A Victor. Best wishes.
Hello HG,
In your article “Knowing the Psychopath: An Uncaring Perfect Predator”, you speak of ennui – boredom (though I can sense a nuance between the English word and the French word, ennui being more at the core of an individual).
Q. 1: Have you read Alberto Moravia’s book entitled “Boredom”?
In this book, it is clear that the narrator would rather suffer atrociously (as he does in his passionate love affair with a young woman) than experience this ennui – which he does when he splits up with her for a while. This is something I totally relate to, or did until I met the fateful bookshop narc.
Q. 2: Could it be the case that both empaths and narcissists (or psychopaths?) are somehow “black holes” that need to be filled, by suffering as concerns empaths, and by inflicting suffering as concerns narcissists/psychopaths?
Question 3: Could it be that this “ennui” is the main reason why narcissists and empaths are not so far removed from each other (like the hands on a clock saying “10 to” and “10 past”)?
Thank you.
Hello Isabelle,
1. No, I have not.
2. There is a symbiotic relationship between narcissists and empaths, both provide something the other needs.
3. Boredom in an empath will often be seized upon by ET to cause a breach of no contact to feed the addiction.
“Boredom in an empath will often be seized upon by ET to cause a breach of no contact to feed the addiction.” – Too true, HG! I certainly what this one feels like. Bloody boredom, gets me eating stuff I shouldn’t as well! 😂
Haha JB! Boredom causes all kind of chaos, that is true! Same with loneliness.
Definitely, AV!
Thank you for reiterating number 2. It confirms that acknowledgment and identification of those needs on our part are therefore actionable. The power is not all held by the narcissist. The tools for success are offered here for a more favourable future once this is truly embraced.
In my experience, very little to no power is held by the narcissist once we have these tools and implement them. It is freeing.
The type of contrasting symbiotic relationships found in all of nature. Ying yang, light and dark. It’s actually quite beautiful to me.
Narc Angel, I’ve been meaning to tell you that every time I read your name I can’t help but sing the song in my head 🎶Narc Angel, Narc Angel, will you be mine🎶
Sadly, it is not as obvious to everyone. There are those who stay firmly entrenched in the victim role and whose response to any suggestion of introspection as that of victim shaming. There is no blaming or shaming, merely suggestion to look inward (as adults) to see what needs are/were being met by the narcissist that the target has the power to change themselves (going no contact with a parent, not sharing personal information so quickly, or identifying a strong need to be accepted or included in certain groups for example). This is evident in my own family. Identifying our needs is helpful in all interactions – not just those with narcissists. It’s nice to have the label of narcissist confirmed so that we understand better the whys, but it is not necessary to have a label to know when you are being negatively affected (in any relationship – not just with a narcissist) and continue on. That points to something within us. I have come to believe it is mainly addiction, but others may identify it as something else. Either way, we have the ability to change it. In that way, we have more power than the narcissist, who is either unable, or sees no reason to change (depending on which you believe).
As HG encourages:
Seize the power!
NA, I would like to “like” this comment but haven’t yet figured out how to get to this thread on WP to do so. In any event, as you and HG say, seize the power!
No one, not even an empath, should seek to take power. I know it’s just wording, but it makes me averse.
I prefer the term – control over yourself and own reflexes.
——-
Boredom – looking for stimulating impulses – yes, this is the main factor, that makes me “play” at it. As long as you bring me impulses… As long as you give me inspiration… I appreciate every gust. Regardless of the losses (in fact, they are of little important – as long as they concern only me).
Thank you Isabelle, and HG.
We always seem to justify not-blocking, or keeping-in-touch-with a narcissist. “He brings fun, fire, security, calm, into my life” are my exact words.
I guess it’s akin to what the smoker believes.
“It’s a moment of relaxation”
When in reality smoking that cigarette (or me: drinking that coffee, I drink 5 full cups a day) is the ONLY time of the day when one doesn’t feel the pain of withdrawal.
I watched all the 6 parts of
Jada Pinkett Smith : What Is She?
I can’t find the video where you explain her school and cadre 🙂
youtube or TKV?
https://youtu.be/ggoXE_Ofq9I
https://youtu.be/iD0E6CS9SAw
The analysis is members only.
Forgive my naivete, but there’s a members-only section?
That’s what I wrote.
HG .. I enjoy trying to work out the type of narcissist. If I guess Jada’s school and cadre, will you tell me if I’m correct?
No.
Hi KK & BP,
Mr. Tudor has member’s only content on his YouTube channel. Some of the things that are members only, you can also find in the Knowledge Vault, such as the Jada Pinkett Smith’s school and cadre analysis. Its definitely worth taking a peek in the vault. There’s lots of goodies in there.
Thought as much 🙂 .. tell you what, I’ll work out my guess and send it anyway, then I’ll check TKV to see how I fared.
Thank you very much for your reply, Leigh. I have since joined up.
How do we join members only or do you select?
You use the “join membership” button on YouTube.
Good morning HG .. just listened again to “Introduction to the Creature”, which raises still more questions for me each time that I do so. Could you please help enlighten me as to some of the reasons how and why the Creature (narcissism) forms in a child that experiences a “gilded cage” lack of control environment, as opposed to a child that has been subjected to a neglected or abused lack of control environment? Thank you.
They are all lack of control environments.
If you could choose, would you prefer to be a “pure” high functioning psycopath?
Goal oriented, machine-like but without the need of Fuel…
I am what I am, it is redundant to consider otherwise.
HG,
I love that, I am, who I am, your complete embrace of yourself. That’s admirable. I’m always striding and fighting to be better, to improve myself, I’m never, it seems, to be satisfied with me. You already are accepting of yourself and I fear, I’ll never accept me, how i am… Xx
You have no choice Rebecca – you have to do it 🙂
There’s nothing wrong with striving to be a better person. Worthy of the greatest praise.
Thank you JOA,
I lack enough self confidence, I have some, but it’s not at the level I want me to be at. I’m not sure how to pull up my self confidence. Is it just telling yourself , you can do this, enough times until you believe it? I haven’t achieved that yet and I tell myself, you’re smart, you’re not dumb, you can do this, then I get that annoying, nagging voice telling me, I’m not as smart as I need to be…and then I also have some people in my life basically making me feel stupid and doubt myself….making jokes about my intelligence….I’ve just started distancing myself from them, because who needs that, when I have my own voice I’m fighting against? I sound crazy, not what I am…just need to boast my self confidence and fighting myself at the same time….joy, happy, happy, joy…not. xx
Rebecca, it’s different for me too, sometimes better sometimes worse – with confidence. This is no longer my priority in life. I don’t think about it.
If something is important to me, I can say out loud what everyone else is only thinking.
As a young girl, I had a huge problem with shyness. It helped me… imagining my mother, her way of being, strong voice, chewing candy before the meeting, directing and managing people – I imitated her, I assumed her role. My mother impressed me a lot, back then. I don’t need this method for a long time, I found my own – in between – but then this “imitation” (like Narcissus) was effective.
JOA,
I’m working on my self confidence because there are goals I want to accomplish at work and in my personal life, that I feel I need more confidence in myself to achieve.
I want to advance up the career ladder at work and I want to straighten out some personal goals too. No one is going to give me a shot at being supervisor of anything, if I can’t be self confident enough for the task. I can’t be effective as a supervisor , if I’m doubting my own abilities and intelligence. It’s just fact, it’s why it’s important to me. Perhaps HG, can add it to his Quick Calm series?? Because really, lacking self confidence is nothing more than fear of what you think the self lacks. Am I right? Xx
JOA,
My other concern is, I don’t deal with work stress well, I tend to get overwhelmed, panic and sometimes I come close to not being able to move. I thankfully stop myself before I get to that point, it’s a battle I fight quietly and in my head. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and count down to 10, each number making myself calmer, and I say to myself, you’ll survive, no one is attacking you, calm down…and I get a hold of myself and I’m able to complete this new task. I have to talk myself down from panicking like a scared bird. I hate that I panic and I have to talk myself down from the fear. I’m grateful I learned that from HG, but I’m still disappointed in myself for having the fear response first. I was told my response is a trauma response and I react that way to stress because I have CPTSD. I want to succeed at my goals and I don’t want my CPTSD keeping me from doing it. I think CPTSD and lack of self confidence are combined issues with me and several others.
Rebecca
I would say confidence is gained in focus and repeated action of the steps required to achieve your goal. Confident and successful people have all made mistakes but focus does not allow that or questioning to stop them. Belief and repeated action leads to PROOF that you are capable.
Positive self talk is great but just as important is to be able to handle the negative talk. When a negative thought enters my head I announce it (internally when with people, or aloud when alone) as LIES! Stop it right in it’s tracks so it does not gain traction. When Stepnarc would get in my face and scream or hiss that I “was nothing” or “you think you’re so smart”, I would internally shout “LIE! I KNOW I am more than you, or smarter than you”.
You are right to cut out people who question, or make you question your intelligence. They are bullies of no worth, and they count on a negative reaction to know that they got to you. Smile (as in I see you) and walk away. If you need to add something verbally (try to resist) it can be in the vein of “Wow. Sounds like you’re dealing with something huh?” before walking away, but let that be the last of your participation. Do not get sucked into further exchange. Bullies are generally pretty lazy. An easily provoked target is more toy for them.
Hello NarcAngel,
A lot of truth there and sound advice.
But this:
“Bullies are generally pretty lazy. An easily provoked target is more toy for them.”
SO true. Applies to narcissists in general as well.
@ NarcAngel,
Thank you for your advice and logic. I’ll take what you told me and apply it to working on myself. Thank you again.
“I am (what/that) I am.” Godly statement!
“I am what I am, it is redundant to consider otherwise.”
True for everyone.
Is there one that takes over the others? How does that work? Most of of us aren’t narcs or pschopaths…To me, the focus on Streaming is always killers, often serial which is rare. Why?
Which tastes the best: Tears of joy, tears of sadness, or tears of anger?
Read Fuel.
Ohhhh fuel, of course! I was looking for the answer in SATN.
That sounds much snarkier than I intended
Mr. Tudor,
In one of your recent interviews, you mentioned Julius Caesar. You’ve mentioned Alexander the Great and Henry VIII in the past.
1. When looking at historical figures, how do you account for society and interpretation by historians?
2. Do you give more weight to personal recollections of the individual (if they exist) when you’re evaluating them or to historians? (i.e. More import placed on “De Bello Gallico” by Caesar than Plutarch’s “Lives of Noble Greeks and Romans.”)
3. Do you strip away interpretation and look just at their actions?
4. How do you determine which actions point toward narcissism verses which could be herd mentality? (Purchasing elections wasn’t a rarity in Caesar’s day, and he wasn’t the first to march a Roman army out to conquer or even into Rome.)
Thank you for your time!
1. Draw material from different sources.
2. Both are useful.
3. Correct, that is part of the evaluation of the evidence.
4. I look for the relevant indicators, repeated over a sustained period of time.
Thank you, sir.
Do you have a favorite period of history and location to look for narcissists?
No, I do not.
Hi Dani,
Thank you for asking number 3, and thank you to HG for answering it. Stripping away interpretation and just looking at actions is part of the evaluating of evidence. HG, does interpretation include motivation, ie why someone did something? Or do we not worry about the motivation at this juncture and just trust that the motivation is far different for a narc to an empath and will show in repetition, or lack thereof, over a sustained period of time. If we can not worry about motivation at this point, number 3, it takes a weight off. I am always trying to assess motivation and it is tiring.
Hi AV,
I do the same thing, trying to assess motivation. Then I’ll use my interpretation of the motivation to make excuses the bad behavior.
Yes! This is big. Very important to remember.
Will you add to TKV a specific material about
Upper Mid Range –False Angel–?
I have no immediate plans to do so.
Your emotions, HG: wafer thin?
No, my hatred is a deep, deep ocean.
In that deepness bioluminescent life yet marvels.
No, any life is snuffed out. It’s what I do.
HG,
Your deep ocean is terrifying, I hope I don’t ever fall in! I’m not a strong swimmer, I’d surely drown. Xx
Too late.
Bioluminescent life exist only in an encapsulated darkness. Rising to the surface it would die. You must be the light then to be able to extinct it all🙃
No, it doesn´t.
You’re right, not all, but the one in the deep, deep darkness does🦑
HG,
It’s a good thing I have my life jacket on! 😂 😂
Indeed it is.
Rebecca, you’re funny today😂
Aquaman is coming to rescue!🧜♂️
„Hello there little Mermaid! So far from shore? Want to go on a Dolphin ride? Want me to show you Atlantis?”
At least someone is wearing a life jacket since HG refuses to, save for when failing to do so threatens an imminent conquest.
@ HG and Jordyguin,
Nah, I’ll pass on Aquaman, he smells fishy and looks like he needs a good scrubbing with some soap and a shave too. Besides, his younger brother already showed me Atlantis last year. 😂
“The awful spirits of the deep / Hold their communion there…”
Down at the bottom of the sea….there lie the deep sea worms, at the bottom of the ocean. Feeding off the whale bones.
Did you know that the great white shark is not an apex predator? The orca is? Orcas prey on great whites. The sea is amazing indeed.
This song by the nine inch nails sums up the darkness of the great below.
Beautiful song. I love it. 🌊🌊🌊🌊❤️
Anna,
I heard a funny name for Orcas, besides Killer Whales, Homicidal Sea Pandas. It’s very fitting, they’re very efficient killers, but they’re also very protective of their young and have a close knit family unit. They’re like the wolves of the sea, except they get along in the family unit with more harmony, less fighting….or so it seems.
On the flip side what is the lightest you draw besides fuel? What is a good day if any without fuel? Does the oschoparh in you over come out he need? A goal received?
For those narcissists who engage in frequent sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape who have multiple victims. Will some of the victims be non-Empaths such as the Normals, Narcissistic, and possibly other Narcissists?
Yes.
HG, if you experience something inhuman, but beautiful, how do you feel? For example, if you see a lovely landscape, smell wonderful food, hear amazing music, read great literature, sit in a finely appointed room–whatever you like–how do you feel? What do you feel? Is your appreciation solely cognitive? Since these are things and not people, do they offer no fuel? Does the pulse of the Ultra not race a bit in the face of inanimate, but fantastic things? Is the sound of the sea no match for his own mellifluous baritone?
They offer no fuel unless I connect them with a reaction from somebody.
Your political ideology?
Devil takes the hindmost.
Dear HG,
You’ve said before, that you don’t believe in God, except when you need to, to seduce someone. I’m pretty sure you don’t believe in the devil either, so what are your beliefs? Do you believe in a higher power, the big bang? 😂 Sorry, my mind went somewhere else for a minute…Are you an Atheist? How do you think we came to exist? Thank you xx
There is no higher power.
We evolved from primates.
Except for me. I arrived by spaceship at this playground.
arrived?
Non, crash-landed😍
Oh, so you’re a Starman 😂 xx Explains all the probing going on. 😂 xx Thanks for answering! I appreciate you! Xx
Hahaha – @Rebecca!
HG,
I was just thinking, your comment about your spaceship…alien…were you making an alienist reference?? The reason I ask is because I’m watching the Alienist series right now. Alienists were said to be people, who studied the mentally ill, because it was said, when we are mentally ill, we are alienated from our true nature. I don’t believe that nonsense. I believe who we are is our natural selves, be it kind or cruel. Not everyone is going to be the same and just because you’re different doesn’t mean there’s something that needs to be fixed or healed. We each play a role in the world, there has to be a balance, without the balance,it fails and crumbles apart, life can not thrive without that balance.
No.
I think the believe in higher power is sometimes a coping mechanism for survival if there is no genetic predisposition for narcissism to step in and shield the psyche from abuse.
I listened to an interview. A woman who was a victim of a high ranked child abuse organisation, was secretly freed by one of her abusers instead of a satanic sacrifice execution. However whilst her abuser preceded with his abuse prior to freeing her, he’d ask how can she still believe in God after all the abuse, torture and injustice she had to endure? She answered „It’s not Gods choice to let you abuse me – it’s your free choice.“
During all this horrific years of slavery and abuse, she said; the believe in God was the only thing she was able to hold on to, to remain sane and not to give up.
Either it was an assertion of control on his side, or her words rang through. It was a turning point for a different choice direction for him, as he choose to let her go.
Was he a narcissist, a psychopath, a normal, who knows.
Her particular will I find impressive. Whether there is god or not – she made a choice for herself to hold on to the freedom of choice concept and it turned out to be her pathway to freedom. She never saw herself a victim, but a captive who would hang on to her freedom even if its only internally in her mind. Also she removed the responsibility from god (or whatever her concept of god is) to come and save her, yet never turned on god (her believe in good) like her abusers, who’s aim was to prove that there is no god, by exerting horror over children and convincing themselves „See — you don’t exist because I can do what ever I want.“ The fact they can abuse little children is their “excuse” for god-like-powers and this is beyond twisted. Abusing little children is not power. Some abusers mirror their own abuse in many ways and worsen it even, repeating the circle of „suffering in shoes of each other“. Yet others (as her abuser in this case) are somehow choosing a different path at some point, I guess.
The concept of higher power depends on how it is laid out and by whom. I think we all referring to different concepts of higher power in our communication.
This made me feel bad. I know perfectly well how she did it and how she managed to influence him.
I have not been a victim of such prolonged violence. My abuser raped me “only” for a few hours. Several times. With interruptions. In a variety of ways. He was bored.
I was a very thin teenager, physically without a chance. In a closed room. No way to escape or call for help.
At some point I realized that he was wondering what to do next with me. He sat and watched me curled up on the floor against the wall. He listed one option with a disgustingly excited smile.
My eyes dried instantly, and my dull brain went from “I just want to die now” to active “save a fucking life” mode again.
I had to make a dialogue. An inert object had to become a subject, even at the level of a dog. I won’t go into the details because talking to that fucker was one of the grossest things I’ve ever had to do. He was asking. He asked a lot. Especially about intimate things. He liked my innocence and he was satisfied that I was a virgin before he did it. He let me get dressed.
I know that’s the only reason I left this room in its entirety. Just before opening the door… when I was only a step away from freedom or death and everything depended on him… he kissed me… I thought it was the end, and he would pull me back.
He opened the door.
I want to puke.
@JOA,
I’m so sorry that happened to you, I know that hardly covers the pain and the mental anguish, the angry, the disgust and the fear of what you went through. I can only offer my understanding, the pain I feel for you and the hope your abuser paid for what he did and you weren’t made to look at him every day and bury your trauma to survive it. I hope for you, you were spared at least that much mental pain. I hope you feel, how much I want peace and healing for you. I deeply feel sorrow for your pain and I can only say, I hope your abuser experiences the most painful death, sorry, if that upsets you, it’s not my intention to upset you. I’m sorry for your pain , deeply sorry. 💔xx
HG, are you still with the same IPPS that you described in one of your live streams, the only who has been your IPPS for a while and who travels frequently?
Did you ever had a MMR IPPS or IPSS?
Yes.
Ah, so that’s how you met Harry’s wife 😉
HG, just wondering, have you ever been single for any length of time?
Best,
DB
Yes.
@ HG and WhoCares,
Am I banished to the naughty step for the Starman joke? 😂 😂 xx
Rebecca – in my world, nobody goes to the naughty step for cracking me up.
Besides, I now have a yearning to see Starman again – classic 80’s SciFi!
@ HG and WhoCares,
Thanks WhoCares, but I think I’ll be getting my meals down on the naughty step…*nervous laugh* 😂
What do u think of Roberta Metsola?
HG
Are you able to hypnotise people?
Yes. It’s too visible! 🙂
😂 😂 @ Joa xx
Sometimes when my mind is racing and overactive, I listen to HG’s voice. From one of his YouTube videos about narcissism. The tone and frequency of his voice is calming. It slows my mind down and enables me to fall into a deep sleep.
I find my eyelids closing….
I dream of the ocean. Whale song. Tidal waves. Tsunamis. People running to find high ground. The ocean comes rushing in. The smell of the salt. The brine. The beauty of God’s creation. Bliss.The sea fills my mouth. I feel the slippery seawead under my feet. I can hear the seagulls. I swim deep. Tranquil and deep slumber. Peace.
My dog told me it was not safe. Please find it in your heart to understand. Your light shines too bright for me, I am too weak. I am a husk
Relax. You can do it girl! 🙂
A little looping pain, a little total mess and it will be fine 🙂
——
But I’m not sure I like, where I arrived. It’s pretty boring and ironic place.
Even more responsibilities and burdens on the shoulders. More enemies, more punches.
And I don’t feel like pretending, to believe when I don’t; that I’m surprised when I’m not at all; that I don’t see when I see. This is the worst 😀
I don’t even miss the wave anymore.
God, what a marasmus.
This reply is for CrowCat.
I could see you felt hurt by HG’s initial response to your questioning. You’d hoped for some engagement and didn’t receive it. And it’s true, the opening post does invite questions and implies a response will be forthcoming. But it was written in 2015 when the blog was not yet well established and HG had fewer demands on his time ‘as HG Tudor.’ While he may have been very forthcoming in 2015 he’s more judicious with his replies now and I expect there are a few factors influencing whether he’ll respond or not. I’ve also seen readers say things like ‘no answer’ is confirmation and it’s never the case. Even when HG answers it’s not always clear cut.
I saw your comment ‘I’ll take it as confirmation’ as tongue in cheek, and HG’s response was a logical, unemotional one which you may have felt as a bit abrupt. I could definitely sense the emotion in your follow up long post and it was clear to me you felt hurt. That hurt came out as frustration, disappointment, cynicism, confusion and resignation, as it tends to do for many people.
I don’t think you need to go back to ‘default silent observer mode.’ I think keep posting, asking, commenting. Say what you want to say. If HG doesn’t respond perhaps another reader will.
Crowcatmk, consider this:
a) Not in relation to Ultras engagement activity (which is immense in reality!) but in general your truth-seeker trait will always be corrupted when you engage with a Narcissist via emotional thinking. You want answers in order to understand in order to navigate a clear path. The Narcissist want control. Giving you what you want would mean transferring of power to you — fatal for the narcissistic construct.
Receiving clarity is not the goal of the power-game. Keep you guessing is the purpose of the power-game and the safety of control of the narcissistic construct.
b) If you read the archives — every little *shit* was answered. There are different dynamics throughout the blog over time for different reasons. Time, interest, value of the question, answer already provided somewhere else, fuel-level. And don’t forget no matter how crucial the topic is from our point of view, Ultras point of view is of multiple use.
c) Compared to any other platform, HG’s response (blog, books, KV, YT, consultations) is faaar more generous and fair and answering if you remove your emotional thinking and keep in mind that you are interacting with *another species* and their rules are different to ours, than you may recognise the richness of response and clarity HG provide on a daily basis.
d) Finally there are questions/engagement from people who purely seek attention and their hit. A daily dosage of YES or NO or Crickets – to get high. As long as it leads to a further engagement with the actual knowledge, a consultation and so on it’s perfect and if not it serves a demonstration once again.
Asking questions is really crucial to Empaths and our truth-seeker trait is important!
Also ask questions (yourself) before your go to sleep and receive answers in the morning! It works! Reach clarity by seeking it from your own ability to see through things and expand your vision further and further and by applying Ultras knowledge to all situations with narcissists including engagement with HG. Hope this helps. Hugs!!
Annaamel and Jordyguin,
Thank you and hugs for you too.
Thank you! Hope you’re having a wonderful day🌷🌸☘️🐝💓💓
Hello, HG. When you sleep, do you dream? If so, what sorts of dreams do you dream? Do you ever lucid dream? I’m curious about whether narcissists’ brains are atypical.
No.
HG, have you had a sleep study done?
No, I don’t need one, I sleep fantastically well.
Do you snore, or has a bed mate ever told you you snore?
No, I do not snore.
Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. Occupational habit.
I got sick. Covid. I knew that soon my body would say: ENOUGH. I felt something was going to happen for several weeks.
Covid – what a relief. The perfect solution. Everyone must leave me alone! 😀
I’m enjoying a few days without work. I was dreaming about it. It’s a very pleasant prospect.
It’s winter outside again. White and frost. How good it is to bask (and sometimes even burn) under the covers 🙂
The rustle of the wings of the caring “angels” annoyed me a bit, they were quite insistent, but scandalized by my jokes about my corpse and imminent death, interspersed with a few accurate nastiness, they decided to fly away and take care of the less sarcastic and vulgar sufferers.
Full of finesse and sophistication N2 (pfff!), this time he resigned from polite concern and the role of a long-distance guardian and tried to shoot me with information about a megaparty, liters of alcohol, a ton of drugs and banging girls. He disgusted me with his simpleton language so emphatically that I didn’t even feel like replying. I yawned and covered myself with a warm blanket up to the top of my head. Well, I didn’t feel like continuing anyway.
———
Now, to the point. I usually sleep short and very alert. I hear every rustle, even when the dog swallows.
I slept a lot the last 3 nights. Apparently my body needed it. The record, from Friday to Saturday, is 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep! It hasn’t happened to me in years. Indeed, I woke up rested, despite covid and ailments.
A very hard sleep. I heard nothing. I didn’t dream or remember anything. No feelings. No discomfort or pain. No desire. No need to change position.
Hole. Total life break.
A very strange and disturbing feeling. Anything could happen and everything was out of my control.
Thank you. Enough already. I do not like. Please give back my dreams! 🙂
@Joa, Interesting. We’ve seen an uptick in individuals with covid having new onset insomnia, although it’s not uncommon to report unusually heavy sleep during times of illness .Any changes in your medications during this time? Anything added due to having covid?
Joa,
Sorry to hear you are unwell. Feel better 🙂 xx
KitKat, I’ve been sleeping only 3-5 hours a day for almost 18 years, so I can’t be an indicator of insomnia in the course of covid.
Heavy sleep was the result of high temperature (38.0-38.8 degrees Celsius) and the physical need of my body after quite a lot of effort I put on myself in recent weeks and I did not slow down, although I knew I had to. Huge tension – so it must have fucked up 😀
Standard drugs:
– Paracetamol/Ibuprofen alternately.
– Vitamin C and D.
– At least 3 liters of water a day (this is the norm for me).
– Checking saturation by pulse oximeter.
Additionally:
– Corticosteroid powder for inhalation.
– Syrup for “unproductive” dry cough.
– Nose drops.
Effective and fast treatment.
TS, thank you, but I feel very well. I rarely get sick, so I was looking forward to this kind of “rest” (cutting off from the world) and I was prepared.
Physical ailments are irrelevant and temporary for me. I know well the endurance of my body and how this endurance is consciously regulated by my psyche.
—–
Unfortunately, covid is a bit too weak a barrier 🙂 My bosses penetrate every day (alternately personally + intelligence agents) – under the guise of care – passing on kindness and smiles (under which I feel hidden anger – How dare you do this to us?) and bringing enigmatic anxiety.
…And there are other people, who need moment of support, especially when I’m not there. Eh.
I use this time to get closer to my daughter, who has strayed too far into her solitude. She had come too far and hung alone like a star. It worried me and weighed heavily on me for several weeks. I needed time for her. Today I finally managed to open her “armored safe”! 🙂
Now just the right “slap” for the drive 🙂 This is always the hardest, every detail and shade is important.
May I not fail.
She has to go on.
I’ve given her enough rest.
Joa,
I’m glad you were able to take this opportunity to spend extra time with your daughter. They’re a worry aren’t they?
Going into yourself occasionally isn’t a bad thing. You’re right to not let your daughter dwell there for too long though. As you say, rest a while if you need to but there comes a point where you have to join in with the rest of the world again.
I’m sure you’ll get her moving again 🙂
Xx
TS, yes, it worked. She was positively motivated – from two sides. The “spark from the outside” came to the rescue, which is necessary in the case of a teenager – I no longer have the scope of “absolute contagion” as in the earlier stage of my daughter’s life.
One of the teachers at school noticed the seemingly unnoticed and spoke alone with my daughter today for half an hour. I do not know this woman, but from the fragments of conversation that my daughter has passed on to me, I am sure that she is a penetrating and wise woman. I am grateful to her and I am going to thank her + give her a few touches that are important, because they have arranged another conversation.
It only took a little attention to make my daughter’s face glow again.
There is no shortage of good souls in this world. Life sends them so often, if we look carefully around us.
Thank you TS to you too, for a moment of attention.
Xx 🙂 (I like your “xes”)
Though, no. I will not interfere in this relationship in any way. My daughter herself will give the accents, she needs. She was so proud of this serious conversation with another adult stranger. It is important, that it remains only HERS.
If I am needed, I will certainly be asked for it. I will thank you in due time.
Hi Joa,
I’m glad your daughter encountered another positive influence at just the right time. That can only endorse and broaden your own conversations with her.
If she’s anything at all like my daughter, she’ll consider the information for a few days, then she might re open the conversation or arrive with questions as to your thoughts. I have to be patient and allow my daughter to come to me rather than pursuing the conversation with her. I find this difficult sometimes, particularly when I know she’s struggling with something, but just making myself available and allowing her to raise things when she is ready seems to work best.
It’s the independence I think. She wants to solve things herself ( like mother like daughter) so as eager as I might be to help, I have to force myself to wait.
I think you’re right. You see the teacher as a wise counsel. Leave her to advise in her own way. Kids can behave differently with an outside influence than they do at home, sometimes different or additional approaches can work well.
My daughter is tougher to advise than my son in many ways but I do think girls seek independence far sooner. Have faith that she has found her wings and just needs a little steer from time to time to keep her moving in the right direction. Good luck mama!
Xx
The narcissists I know, most like to talk about dreams:
– in which they are young again (e.g. I was a student again and I was sitting on the grass listening to the conversations of my friends next to me)
– erotic with me (they may lie, to test my reaction).
What happen if a narcissist try an hoover after years and the ex victim answer are clearly intended to assert control over him?
1. How has the hoover got through? Check your no contact regimen.
2. Why are you answering a narcissist? Breach of no contact.
3. Do you mean that the victim´s response is intended to assert control over the narcissist? If you do, then that response is challenge fuel and the narcissist will need to nullify that threat.
Thank You!
Just an hypothesis.
Ok for social media. Unfortunately I have no more her number, so I can’t block it. I deleted it after her last failed (not strong) hoover in the end of 2018.
I hope this will never happen but the number isn’t blocked…
I’m only human.. I fail. Doing your narc detector threw me back in ET. Awaiting eagerly your next Quick Calm, I need to hear your Voice
Dorette,
I know what you mean here. When I did the narc detector for the online narc I was in a bad way afterwards. Not due to the result, more because it was confirmation that things couldn’t be fixed. No friendship, No Contact, no nothing.
I was just plain sad and as time passed by I wasn’t feeling any better. The package that was a game changer for me was The Addiction Triple Package. It told me where I was up to and why but more importantly it told me what to do about it to help myself. That works for me, “Do this. Get on with it.” Okie Dokie!
In terms of HG’s voice, it’s at its best here. I heard certainty and confidence at a time where I was uncertain what to do to feel better and concerned that I actually wouldn’t ever feel better. Certainty and confidence in the information was what I needed to hear.
The Addiction Triple Package is a must have if you don’t have it yet. Use code Madmarch23 at checkout and at the moment you’ll get 50% off 😉 It’s a really excellent buy and made a huge difference to me.
Xx
I want to be inside you! I cannot bear it without your breath inside of me. But you have to let go of John. I dropped mine. I give everything for you, you know I have!
Your parrot is quiet now. Thank you for caring for me. I love your scent. It’s fresh. Not heavy like the other guy.
Hi Hg Tudor!
Lately I read a post from a high qualified professional writing about how Hailey Bieber is a narcissist because of some certain behaviours that she displays . The thing is that this expert doesn’t say that Selena Gomez is a narcissist too but only emphasis how she is a victim of emotional abuse from her cheater ex love ( in this case Justin)
Now don’t get me wrong i couldn’t care any less about celebrities ,,,,,,, but I think Selena is a narcissist too and it would be enlighting to know abt your opinion/ analysis in this matter and proof if my intuition has lead me wright or not.
Wish u a nice day!
And thank u for your smart work!
My narcissist was with me for only 4 months? Why go through all that time effort money and discard me so soon? Also one week after the discard I got a text saying they wanted to be friends, travel buddies, to keep door open for a different dynamic, I blocked. What was that for ? They never asked me ever since to return so why did they ask for a friendship a week later?
You need to provide more information so that an accurate response can be provided to you in detail and therefore the most appropriate forum for this would be an audio consultation. For instance :-
1. You need to establish are you dealing with a narcissist as you might be mistaken.
2. If you are, you need to know your position in the narcissists fuel matrix. Were you an IPPS or an IPSS as this has an impact on there dynamic between you.
3. You may not have been disengaged from but instead placed on the shelf, something that we determine from what your position in the fuel matrix is.
4. It also has a bearing on the fact you were blocked.
Organise a narc detector and an audio consultation and I will be able to provide you with an accurate breakdown of what has happened.
1. Yes they are very likely narcissist, love bombing, sex bombing, crazy obsession with me then discard me cold and enjoying my tears as I was callously broken up. Normal people don’t laugh/smile with ecstasy in break ups, this was definitely a slip of the mask. She was extremely promiscuous, never seen anything Iike this, I was horrified, it was disgusting, any hole would do. She used sex to manipulate me and reward me. The way she dressed, very somatic, very athletic, walked like a Rooster. Gaslighting, circular arguments, never talked about herself. got aggressive if I asked about sexual and drug past. Had awful temper since day one. Zero accountability, everything was my fault, I was crazy jealous and need to go on meds and see a shrink. And several other awful factors that made me realize upon discard that indeed she could of been a big old narc. She did have the nice angel facade which is why I was tricked so hard, she blindsighted me. I knew she was very flirtatious and triangulate me with anyone that walked, but the nice girl facade plus me being accused of jealous issues, got me trapped in this nightmare. She would threaten to dump me if I didn’t trust her. 😂
2. I was treated like a primary in the sense that I was love bombed hard, and intense golden periods with several romantic getaways. We acted like a relationship for the 4 months, spoke daily first thing in morning until late at night. We saw each other a lot practically lived together even though we lived in different states. But could of been demoted to a secondary upon the break up?
I was told it was a break up, the line was “I guess it’s not supposed to be this difficult, I thought I wanted you as a gf I guess I was mistaken. Nobody has hurt me so deeply like this. “
This was after I pressed her hard about going out with an ex the night before and then was given silence treatment for entire weekend and then broke up out of the blue Monday night as I called for answers.
3. A week later Hoover , asking for friendship and to be part of my life.
I blocked and have been hovered couple times about a suitcase filled with my belongings she brought to my city when she came to visit and that’s it.
What makes me question wether or not I was secondary was the fact that I got a lot of her time on phone etc etc, and saw her a lot during the 4 months, almost excessively. We spent an enormous amount of time together and I would spend sometimes 3 weeks at her house. Maybe I was secondary as she did not want to define relationship and got aggressive every time I pressed for a title. She strung me a long with promises of moving in to her state and maybe have a family which is what I wanted. The relationship status was the big unattainable status. From time to time she did call me her gf, but the status, the commitment issue was always huge fights. We acted like a couple. We fought a lot, she was insane to be around. Everything was taken out of context, and she was right I was wrong. Lack of defining what exactly we were plus long distance makes me question if I was just a secondary. But the crazy amount of time spent together made me believe I was intimate primary source maybe I was on the race to becoming her iPps and got demoted since I failed the test.
I’ll definitely get a consultation as soon as I can to identify what class of narc she was etc etc. and to understand if I was a secondary who is now placed on a shelf.
Thank you for all the work that you do, we are all eternally grateful
HG
How many hours sleep do you need every night? How many do you get?
4-5. 4-5.
Deviations occur where sometimes sleep has to be forfeited and where there’s been sustained physical activity I may sleep 6-7 hours.
I can’t reply under Joa’s post so will add this here. It’s about finding good men. I hope it breaches the language divide, Joa – poetry can be tricky. I’d say apologies to HG that it’s not a post to or about him but maybe….it is.
BY JOHN DONNE
Go and catch a falling star,
Get with child a mandrake root,
Tell me where all past years are,
Or who cleft the devil’s foot,
Teach me to hear mermaids singing,
Or to keep off envy’s stinging,
And find
What wind
Serves to advance an honest mind.
If thou be’st born to strange sights,
Things invisible to see,
Ride ten thousand days and nights,
Till age snow white hairs on thee,
Thou, when thou return’st, wilt tell me,
All strange wonders that befell thee,
And swear,
No where
Lives a woman true, and fair.
If thou find’st one, let me know,
Such a pilgrimage were sweet;
Yet do not, I would not go,
Though at next door we might meet;
Though she were true, when you met her,
And last, till you write your letter,
Yet she
Will be
False, ere I come, to two, or three.