Playing By the Fuels

Fuel is the very thing that I must have. It is through fuel that I function and exist. I regard all emotional energy as sustenance. A lack of emotion causes me considerable concern and this will ultimately result in my detachment and me seeking the same from an alternative and more reliable source. There are those that suggest that I derive fuel from certain inanimate objects, for instance, status symbols. I drive an expensive car, wear the tailor-made suit and live in a large house and all of that apparently provides me with fuel. It is true that we covet these things as they accord with our sense of entitlement. They also enable us to demonstrate to the wider world our success and achievement. We crave such materialistic representations of success. However, my kind and I do not desire the Rolex watch, Ipad or diamond encrusted mobile telephone in themselves. We want those items because of the responses that they create in other people.

Those who see us drive by in a Bentley convertible invariably stand and stare open-mouthed. That reaction to our prestige provides us with the fuel we need. The admiring glances that we draw when we walk through the department at work in one of our excellent suits, provide us with fuel. The compliments we receive for the style of shoes, the holiday cottage we own and the extravagant party that he have laid on are all sources of fuel to us. Inanimate objects are the platforms for the provision of our fuel. Whilst some people will marvel at our choice of motor vehicle, there are others who will express jealousy and envy. Those reactions are most welcome as well. The cutting comments that accompany a green-eyed stare are lost on us. The words evaporate because it is the emotion that is bundled up inside those words and the baleful stare that we want.

Our fascination and reliance on the inanimate object and the part it plays in the provision of fuel does not end however with what you may regard as traditional inanimate objects. The most effective inanimate object which provides us with fuel is you. How can we regard a person as an inanimate object? In the same way that the words in a scathing comment dissipate as we seize on the emotion, the identity of those providing us with fuel, slips to one side as we savour the fuel that we can extract. Those of you who we seduce and draw into our world where we can draw deep on your fuel stand to be regarded as nothing more than an appliance. We see no person. We recognise no identity. We see a machine that has one purpose and one purpose alone. The provision of fuel for us.

10 thoughts on “Playing By the Fuels

  1. Maddie says:

    angel is not a person. .is it?

  2. The more important question, due to its empowering qualities, is how does the experience of clarity around the ownership of your own feelings having changed translate into self care? This is not a highly unlikely question or experience as the narcissist may have you believe, it is merely a false belief of his own.

    1. nikitalondon says:

      Question is for HG right?

  3. nikitalondon says:

    Well if at least my exes ” loved” me like I love my snowboard…. Its a ” good” feeling…
    Its the only object I have an ” emotional” connection to 😂😂. I will think of myself as their ex-snowboard then.
    HG I do have a question.. Maybe because of my profession that I always have to think long term in order to do a good job…
    What about in 20 years or 30 years.. Or 40 because you said you were 20….
    What happens if you dont manage to move from appliance to appliance.. The older one gets the more difficult things get..

    And this brings me to the fact that I have to make a plan of what to do when I am too old to get on my snowboard … He is my fuel.
    This post is really really interesting for reflection.

    1. malignnarc says:

      I always manage to move from appliance to appliance. I always have done and see no reason for that to alter. There are so many appliances out there. What is likely to happen however is that with decreasing energy levels that come with age the movement from appliance to appliance will lessen and there is more likely a vacillation between two appliances. One month A is primary source and B is the discarded negative source. Next month the roles reverse and so on.

      1. nikitalondon says:

        Thanks for your answer… Although you have not tested yet the effectiveness of your theory… In your 20’s..,.
        But with alot of faith, things will work out.

  4. survivednarc says:

    Yes, this is very true, great description as usual. You say in the beginning that it causes you “considerable concern”, when there is a lack of emotion… I am just wondering, if a person you have had as your primary fuel source for years, suddenly gets tired of it all and says to you something like this: “I have lost all of my feelings for you, you killed every last emotion I have inside, for you”.

    From what you said, this causes you concern.. But how does that “concern” manifest, within you? Do you get angry, frustrated, do you feel that you get a headache, or, how does it “feel” for you, when you lose a dependable source that has been there for a very long time?
    I am curious, how you would describe that. Do you shrug and sigh and call the next girl in your little black book, or?
    Genuinely curious. 🙂

    1. malignnarc says:

      The diminution in fuel creates as restlessness and an unease. It is highly unlikely someone would say what you describe as (1) our manipulation keeps you feeling and (2) if there is a diminution we will looking to a new prospect and your discard before you said such a thing, but I will go with it and if that did happen it would ignite my rage as it was a criticism and I would lash out at you in the hope of provoking a reaction. If none came I would be heading for other fuel sources pretty rapidly.

      1. survivednarc says:

        Thanks for you reply, HG. Very informative. Have a nice day and thanks again! 🙂

        1. malignnarc says:

          You are welcome.

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