The Five Hatreds of the Narcissist

 

The loss of our precious fuel weakens us. Criticism, when delivered in an emotion-free fashion wounds us and we need fuel to recover from such injurious criticism. If that fuel is not available or is reduced then we are placed in a perilous state which causes panic,chaos and a frenzied reaction to avoid this. Many things may send us to this place, a place which I call The Precipice. Here are five things we hate as they will start the slide towards The Precipice.

 

  1. Not Being Invited

 

Our massive sense of entitlement means that we should always be invited to events. Whether it is a birthday, retirement party, wedding or graduation we should be invited to attend. How can the host not want us there? We are the star of the show, the main attraction, the reason to be there. People are not there for the birthday boy, they want to see us. They are not really bothered about the happy couple, they prefer to be entertained by us and our tales of achievement or for us to exhibit our superlative dance steps during the reception. An event is not an event without us in attendance. We are the archetypal life and soul of the party. Fireworks fly when we appear, stardust is thrown liberally around and we turn the volume up to eleven. We cannot comprehend why we should not be invited when we bring so much to the party. This deprives us of a huge opportunity to extract fuel from so many people when emotion will be electrifying the air. It is akin to shooting a fish in the barrel and we have not been invited. This not only takes away a golden chance to consume fuel but it also suggests that we are not wanted, that somehow we do not pass muster to attend this event. That is nonsensical and as such is a massive criticism to us. How dare they now invite us? It is our right to be there. That is our audience, our crown, our delighted guests, not somebody else’s. We hate not being invited. So that’s why we will turn up anyway and act as if we were first on the guest list.

 

  1. Coming Second

We are born winners, pioneers, leaders and champions. Number one is all that matters. That is where the adoration is directed. That is why the winner’s podium is higher than the other two. That is why the winner gets the jackpot, the applause, the admiration and the plaudits. They all belong to us. We are destined to win and being the champion is our rightful place. Nobody wants silver. Who wants to be the runner-up? That means failure. That means somebody else has bettered you. That means someone else is going to get all the attention. Second is pointless. Second is redundant. I don’t want commiseration and empty praise for having come so close, I want to win. If I am second then I am regarded as inferior, not of the elevated state I know I am but that I need others to accept and reinforce. Coming second encapsulates all that is associated with the outcome which makes you who you are and is not something that should ever be rightfully associated with me. I hate to come second. I want to win. At everything and all the time, from being first in the queue, first to be served, the biggest biller, the biggest seller, the one with the best car, the one people always greet first, the one who wins the argument and I will do all of this at any cost to you and in any twisted and convoluted way which avoids the horror of being second.

 

 

 

 

 

  1. The Spotlight Shining Elsewhere

 

Why are you listening to him and not me? He is an idiot and he knows nothing. Listen to me. I am far more interesting. Anything he has done I have done already and then some more as well. He has a forehead? Yes well have you seen my five head? Don’t pay attention to other people, pay attention to me. The spotlight has to be on me all the time. I live my life as if I am staring in a movie with my personal soundtrack echoing in my ears as I move through my day. From the moment I rise from my bed all eyes need to be on me, watching me, admiring me and giving me attention. No matter what I am doing it needs to be seen by someone and the more people the better as their viewing is accompanied by their praise, admiration, hatred or anger. It does not matter what the emotion is that accompanies their attention so long as it is on me. Send that attention elsewhere and I am being told I am not important and even worse, someone else is more important than me. That is not right. That cannot be the case. How can you think that that person is more entertaining, better looking, more captivating than me? Train the spotlight elsewhere and you are telling me I am not good enough and I know I am. Aren’t I?

 

  1. Not Given Recognition

 

My arrival anywhere should be accompanied by a fanfare. I should be announced wherever I go. People should bow in acceptance of my greatness, kow-tow to my gravitas, salute, kiss my hand, go down on their knees and do whatever else is required to exhibit subservience to me. I must be given due accord because do you know who I am? I must always be mentioned in dispatches. I must always be referred to during a meeting. I must be pointed out, identified and highlighted in keeping with my superior status. I cannot stand it when I am not given my right to be recognised. I have that as a God-given right and you had better comply with your obligation to recognise me and all my amazing achievements.

 

  1. Being Along For Too Long

 

People often think that my kind hate to be alone. That is not quite accurate. We can be content to be alone for a period of time when we are received significant fuel. There is always room, of course, for more fuel, but when we have received copious amounts then we are content to be left alone so we can revel in our own manufactured glory and turn our mind to our next conquest. This alone time allows us to plot, scheme and plan. When I mean alone, I mean away from people physically but also not in contact with them through technology. Complete isolation. If we have taken on board enough fuel we can endure it for a time. Therein lies the important part. For a time.

If we are left alone for too long and the effect of the fuel diminishes then we become restless, then anxious and then thrown into the panic as we edge towards The Precipice. Being left alone for too long means that people must not be interested in us anymore otherwise why are we alone? They do not want to contact us, interact with us, pour their praise towards us, make us feel wanted, hated, loved or adored. Their interest must be elsewhere if we have been left alone for too long and this is not something we can stand. We are being ignored, ostracised and excluded. We need people. We need attention. We need you. Please. Did you hear me? I said we need you. Open the door and let me out now. I need attention, any attention, from someone it does not matter who, just don’t leave me alone for too long.

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23 thoughts on “The Five Hatreds of the Narcissist”

  1. Wow clearly listed and explained. Now we know it exactly what your kind feels when something like this happens. That is the challenging part that requieres LOTS of patience.
    All are common characteristics to the whole spectrum! All so detailed listed. Even the isolatiom time!
    Of course you can never come second as the king you are. This is why we evem change the order of preferences so you can come in first 😘😘.
    Thanks for posting. It still turning in my head. Have to read it several times to get the depth of the feeling and put myseld in your shoes 😃.

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  2. change all to make you always first… This is new knowledge from the blog… ⛽️⛽️⛽️.
    Does it also provide fuel or is it only for avoiding the precipice?

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  3. How my mother HATES not being invited, to anything. You’re having a baby shower (or just taking an actual soap & water shower) and you don’t invite her??? Congratulations, you’re now her mortal enemy (she has many). I go to Macy’s without her and she won’t speak to me for a week. (But when she goes to Macy’s without me, it’s OK because she doesn’t have to answer to me). My sister has her in-laws to dinner and my mother is fucking furious at not having been invited.

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  4. HG this is a little off topic… but I need to ask!

    My Narc moved to DC after abandoning me.. then last month went to CA (she has family everywhere that are providing fuel and dealing with her BS) and has decided to move there. Well she’s going back to DC to get her stuff… and i found out she made a doctor apt with my/her doctor here in PA. She’s going to drive 4 hours just to get a refill on xanex… i know she has doctors in the other states… she’s definitely doctor shopping. I looked up the consequences of Dr. Shopping and it seems for the first offense they just red flag you in a database and they really watch you, so nothing terrible in terms of destroying her life.

    However, she won’t be able to get an endless supply of xanex. She will have to feel. Do you think its a bad idea for me to report to my doctor?

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  5. Oh how I love to infuriate the MN with No 3. It’s so much fun. I’m very good at drawing attention to myself but also making another male in the group take the spotlight. I’ll say, do whatever to make another male shine, feel amazing and look amazing in front of everyone else.

    I can see the MN almost imploding.

    So reading your words HG make it all the more rewarding.

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  6. Tossing them aside should be enough . Ignore them . They are grown men not babies . Why baby them why spoon feed them they are capable themselves . You are condoning them . Why ?
    They are second when you replace them with some one better
    Ladies ladies there is always some one out there with an inch or two more then the one playing games with you .

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  7. How enlightening to read this, no wonder ex acted like a pathetic idiot not being invited to family events. No, you idiot, no one cared, no one wanted you there, no one cared about you, no one more than me.

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  8. That was very well written and it fully puts in perspective on what to expect from the narcs. I have a question…I have narc neighbors who live in back of me who are very snobbish and we had a disagreement which was basically their fault and it involved them sending my son over my house who is also very snobbish and I let him know that he was incorrect and his behavior would not be tolerated. So I decided to strike back and I have some ip surveillance cameras pointed out my back windows facing their back yard. So after they discovered the iP cameras in my Windows (even thou along our fence line there our trees and shrubbery but it doesn’t cover up enough) they won’t turn on their back porch light how they used to and it appears that they may have placed something over their windows because it looks extra dark from the outside during times when they’re at home. I’m not watching them as they PERCEIVE me to watch them I just did it to teach them a lesson. How do you perceive my narcs reaction to this? Is what I’m doing considered to be supply or is it considered along the lines of being a mortal enemy? Thank you in advance for your input.

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    1. Thank you Lowprofile. The installation of iP cameras will not supply fuel. Although it may be regarded as attention because they perceive you as watching them all the time, there is no emotion attached to the act and therefore no fuel. Instead, they will regard it as a criticism because you are suggesting that – following the disagreement – they are in the wrong, hence the need for the cameras. This would ignite their fury and they have chosen to withdrawn – hence the failure to switch on the back porchlight and placing something over the windows. Read Fury for more on this.

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      1. Thank you for responding back I appreciate it. I’m using the camera to basically let them know that I don’t want them back on my property which in their eyesight can be taken as a threat=deterrent. Whatever they do near my property is on camera which will basically cause them to not do anything they will be sorry for in front of the camera. Again thanks for the response.

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      2. Oops I forgot to mention in the last reply post that I will read Fury and I have purchased Departure Imminent preparing for no contact to beat the narcissist and Manipulated and I enjoyed reading them. Sorry about the third post but I had forgot to mention it in the last one.

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  9. I love you and I always will. No matter what.
    You showed me the real you and I adore you for that!!

    And even though you would most likely fight it again and again, I believe in good in you, I really do, and I know you love me and you care for me, and more I read, more I understand. Even through fear I feel from your hovering, I am learning so much. (fear and passion goes perfectly together, right?)

    You told me so many times I must leave. I truly apologize for my ugly mouth 24-7, I would never wanted to criticize you or hurt you. For sure I deserve tons of your punishment. Last year we were sitting together, both fake. What is coming out as criticism, it is my fake me, trying to please your fake you.

    You are teaching me to show true feelings, and Im really trying to, and its hard to be careful at the same time, keeping my mouth shot, not hurting you. My sincere apologizes.

    After all my world is the same, but I don’t know why I live on positive fuel only. And I cant stand any criticism nor negativity, isn’t that disgusting? F**king polarity.

    I envy you soooo much, I would like to control the negativity as your brilliant mind does. I envy you SO much not to feel guilty, not to feel, not to have conscience. I always support you and I always try and want to understand you.

    Now I think I finally understand (infinity, never could get there, I know). We cannot get together physically, we would literary kill each other, you are so right! You always are. Love is not enough, but I will always fight that narcissists are capable to love. We are the proof. Our relationship is. Was.

    I am yours and you are my superior.
    No matter what.
    My mind is yours.
    Forever.

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      1. LOL – the fuel is always out there, isn’t it? Lurching obviously at the edges of the herd…the weak, the sickly, and / or the injured. Healthy prey is never desirable.

        As far as hatred goes – that is, essentially, the only genuine emotion the malignarc feels.
        🙂

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