Food Glorious Food

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Food is a weapon. It is a commodity which is readily utilised in the further pursuit of manipulation. Food provides a means of asserting my dominance over you. Food enables me to exert control. Food allows me to underline your inferiority. There are several ways to do this.

Most people are conscious about their weight. The overweight know they ought to lose some weight and will not like the fact of their eating habits being scrutinised. Comments about how much this person is eating, made repeatedly soon start to hit home. They may not do anything about their weight, which, in all likelihood is not that bad, but they may have a few folds about the tummy or the archetypal paranoia about the size of their bottom. The comments turn into denying them their favourite food, forbidding a particular take-away and vetoing dining out at certain restaurants. The beauty of doing this is that I am of course doing it for your own good. See how good I am? I care about your health so I am going to tell you what you can and cannot eat. I am going to stipulate when you eat. Of course I will find you breaking these rules because you lack the willpower and when I do I will chastise you all the more. I will tell you how much you have let me down despite my best efforts. I will tell others that I have been trying to help you but you just will not listen. This proves a very good precursor to establishing that you have the type of pig-headed attitude which means that you do not listen. It may well be true, albeit exaggerated, when it comes to my lectures about healthy eating and it does not take me long before I have extended that to other things which you purportedly do not listen to me about. I will turn your occasional over-eating into not only a stick with which to beat you about your dietary habits but I will use it in order to create an image of you with other people which I can then exploit.

Another way is for me to be territorial about food. I have instigated this technique on a number of occasions. I have my loaf of bread. Nobody else is to touch it. It is hardly something for a special occasion is it? A loaf of bread? It is not as if I have bought some cakes for some anniversary or a party which should not be eaten beforehand is it? The mundane nature of the foodstuff however works in my favour. If you take a slice and believe me I have a memory for how much of the loaf is left, how much of my bottle of soda is left, how many sweets are left in the packet. I know and even if I did not I would make it up in order to provide me with the means of attacking you. I will make it abundantly clear that the relevant item is mine and not be touched. When I decide I need to use it as a weapon I will point out that you have taken it. You will fall right into my trap and will say something along the lines of: –

“No I didn’t eat any of it, what are you talking about?”

(So you are calling me a liar then are you?)

“Calm down it is only a bit of bread.”

(Oh I am over-reacting am I? Excuse me for pointing out you are at fault.)

“It’s no big deal.”

(You are calling something important to me, trivial. Well, if that is what you think you must not think I am very important either must you?)

“It’s okay, I will get you some more.”

(That is not the point. You have failed to heed my boundaries. You have failed to heed my instructions. You clearly think little of me.)

“What are you like, getting upset over a few sweets?”

(Don’t make this about my reaction. You are at fault here)

All classic ways of manipulating you including some standard projection. This will provide us with a Launchpad to commence a tirade, demand you do something to make it right, provide us with the basis to complain about you to other people and shout at you. We have righteous indignation at your behaviour and food is the source of this.

Another method is to keep food under lock and key and treat you like a child with regard to the issue of food. This is usually utilised best when dealing with somebody who has suffered a sustained period of devaluation already. Their ability to think straight, to stand up for themselves and to challenge will have been considerably eroded already. This ultra-control will manifest as counting out the number of cornflakes we are going to let you eat as you sit silently at the breakfast bar. It is slicing your portion of meat down to a tiny square as you watch us decide what you should be eating. We will only fill your glass halfway with what you are drinking. We will allocate a set amount of crisps (chips) for you to eat and if we find you transgressing these allocations we will come down on your hard and reduce future allocations. Food is locked away and is essentially rationed out to you. This works best with someone who has a real issue with food and is often something that works very effectively with BPD individuals as they tend to have “food issues”. Exerting such a high level of control enables us to provoke a reaction at first so that we gather fuel. It then enables us to test the limits of your obedience so we can ascertain what other machinations can be deployed against you.

We weaponise food. It becomes our resource, our means of controlling you. We use it to berate you, calling you weight-related names when we know you are carrying a little weight or you are sensitive about your appearance. We will remark how you need to cut down on what you are eating because your thighs have expanded, we will make tutting noises when we see you tucking into something tasty but naughty in order to increase your feeling of guilt and to provoke a reaction. We will your food. We will accuse you of taking our food. We will use the issue of meals as a way to get to you. We will cook a huge meal and insist you eat everything on your plate and if you do not we will regard it as a criticism of our cooking skills in order to provoke an argument and a reaction from you. It is just another commodity which when in our hands we will find a way of making it work for us in terms of exploiting you. Should you ever admit to us, and you usually do, that you have concerns about what you eat, how you look, what you weigh, that you have intolerance or allergies we will seize on this in order to use it to our advantage. Now, what’s for dinner?

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35 thoughts on “Food Glorious Food”

  1. My ex used to call me a pig and make oinking sounds when I ate. He then refused to eat with (or even see me) because of all my criticism. He would ask repeatedly why I did not envy him (how can you be jealous of someone you love) and fly into a rage. I suspect a direct hoover will only happen when he has lost enough to best me (“look how superior I am!”). There was a time I tried to let bygones by bygones (and remain NC). But everytime I was finally feeling myself these twisted games would start again. It was very destabilizing. I’ve been running from and Ignoring it for over a year. At what point do you twist the screws back and say enough?

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  2. Then what is the correct response you are looking for when you are questioning if your candy bag / loaf of bread has been raised?
    There has to be something you’re searching for that would cause you to pause.
    What does HG want to hear that will restore you feeling important and loved as always?

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      1. How do you personally react? Has rationing food or being territorial with food been something you’ve done with people?

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  3. Very my mother. The cookies are HERS ALONE & anyone else who eats them is subject to punishment.

    Mealtime is when she makes comments about everyone else’s weight. Apparently everyone else is too fat (but she’s just fine).

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      1. It’s always good to laugh at things. Glad you like my sense of humour 🙂 Lucky for me I never got that far into the devaluation.

        But my hubbys mother used to jibe at me when I was pregnant. I’m a healthy weight but she is ultra slim and would scorn me if I was eating AGAIN !

        I’d just say to her, ‘I have to keep my weight up somehow’ or something or other. Humour always takes the sting out of the tale. Removes the level of fuel they may receive

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      2. Hi alexis.
        Did not know you had children. How many do you have? The weight comments are naughty but for me its the ” food management” thing that is the crueles.
        Food has a simbolic meaning of survival, primary need and giving. A mothers main function with a new born baby is to feed, when you invite people home you give them food .. Food has a special significance in humanity and therefor being controlling and stingy with food is pretty ” cutting”.

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      3. Hi nikita, thanks yes I do have children. I completely agree, food is what brings people together. Agh these damn Ns, they will use anything against you ! Love you HG 😉

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      4. Hi Alexis

        Well not all because my dad was an N but it was exactly from him that I learned about food and sharing. At home nobody could ” own” food .. My middle brother specially he liked to buy things for himself but that was not allowed to have private food in the family fridge 😂😂😂

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  4. Wow again like the previous post extreme abuse and emotional cruelty. I was left speechless at the fact of somebody claiming for a piece of bread or sweets.. its this in fact a true story??
    Very sad. This time I have to say that despite several relationships with Ns, this I never had.
    And I know many Ns also in my family but never seen.. Maybe a cultural thing ??
    Still speechless. Would be interesting to know other stories to see if other people have delt with this.
    Thanks for the post. 💝

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  5. Well that’s just plain bad form HG! Being someone who so enjoys feeding others and the entire feeling of love that flows through doing so … That just won’t do!

    One of my best of moments with ex N was the time he criticized the lasagna I made because of the edges were ever so slightly curled up at the corners. He wore that steaming hot plate well!!!

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  6. My mother was always thin as a rail and expected others to be too. She was constantly putting down others as being too fat, even if they were of a normal weight (but heavier than she was). As a somatic narcissist, she was obsessed with her weight and appearance. Had about 10 facelifts which made her look like a skull. She wasn’t anorexic or anything, but becoming fat was a phobia.

    She used to brag about how when she was pregnant with me, she only gained 5 lbs. She actually DIETED during her pregnancy. I was born weighing only 6 lbs, not preemie or anything but really too small. She smoked when she was pregnant too.

    She constantly criticized my weight starting in my early teens (I was a skinny child so no worries then). At 120 pounds and 5’4″ I was hardly overweight. She’d constantly criticize what I was eating and if I asked for seconds, she’d go on about “you really don’t need that, at your weight,” the emphasis on “your.” She threatened to send me to weight loss camp. She’d tell me my friends were too fat, or people at the pool were too fat. She gave me a dress once at a birthday party and in front of all my friends said, “this will make you look slimmer.” She used to make fun of my butt, which has always been a bit on the big side just because that’s how I’m built. She thought I was too big up top too even though that got me a lot of admiration from the opposite sex, She’d tell me they’d be hanging to my navel at age 50, well that never happened. I think she was secretly envious because she was flat chested. But she had to make it out like I looked grotesque or fat or something, which made me self conscious about my body. It’s a wonder I never developed an eating disorder.

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  7. Ok…that will sound harsh but…. for dinner You will have to satisfy Yourself with me on a plate…and You won’t see me eating ever… and if You will not like me on the plate than that’s Your loss dear G!

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