LoveSex Addiction

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In many instances there is often the lament following discard (and even escape) that although your experience with our kind was horrendous beyond measure the sex was out of the world. You miss the sex to an incredible degree. The sex was mind-blowing, intense, hugely satisfying and unlike anything else you have known. Now I know this is not always the case, there are some of our kind who are not interested in sex and some who are useless at it and in those instances you have more than likely been ensnared by a Victim Narcissist. That is not the topic of discussion today. Today we focus on those of our kind who are the sexual Olympian who thrilled and delighted you between the sheets (and plenty of other places too). One of the reasons our kind uses sex as a weapon is because of the addictive quality that we create around the sexual experience you have with us. Why is sex with us so addictive? There are actually several reasons, but the one I wish to focus on today is the concept of LoveSex. This is the link between Love and Sex.

We do not dissuade you from making such a link. In fact we positively encourage you to do this. The way that we seduce you and the way that we love bomb you is designed to inject love into sex so that they effectively become indistinguishable from one another. We are fully aware that irrespective of how self-sufficient you may like to think that you are, how independently you might lead your life, you still have that desire for the white knight. Again, this relates to the way that you have been conditioned by society to regard love and romance. We know about this and exploit this. An honest examination of your thoughts and feelings will result in your admitting that at least on one occasion you have wanted that dashing knight to come riding in on his charger, sweep you in his arms and then take you through to the bedroom where he makes tender and delicious love to you. You have been conditioned to expect to be treated like a princess and we do this when we place you on that pedestal during our love bombing of you. Sex is no different. You want to be taken care of in the bedroom, loved and made to feel special. By providing all of this when we have sex with you then we are blurring the lines between sex and love, binding the two together. Since we are so magnificent in our delivery of delicious and rewarding sex then this entwined sex and love causes you to feel a very special kind of love, better than anything else you have experienced before. We apply all of the loving techniques when we have sex with you. The tender, romantic, slow and caring way we caress and hold you before easing into you all accords with this almost dream-like perception of how sex should be. We do however go further than this traditional model of the handsome prince making sweet, delicate love to his beautiful princess. When we suddenly take you from behind, hitch up your skirt and bend you over a worktop or the back of the settee and have vigorous sex with you we will look to ensure that this type of sex is entwined with love. How do we do this? With words of course. Words come easily to us and are cheap to use. So as we are hammering away and you are admittedly enjoying this spontaneous and energetic sex we will be telling you things such as:-

 

“I just had to have you. You were stood there and I was overwhelmed with love for you.”

“I love you so much I needed to have you there and then.”

“You do something to me that makes me almost lose control. That is how much I love you.”

“I am so in love with you I just needed to be inside you.”

“You make me crazy in love, I cannot help myself.”

 

We reinforce this urgent sex with being linked to just how powerful and amazing our love is. The sex itself feels fantastic and when you hear those magical words being said to you from behind the two are melded together. The sex could not be regarded as romantic but that does not matter. Such rampant desire for you to be taken in this manner can only be a symptom of our love for you. This reinforcement will happen over and over again. From the obvious slow, tender love-making through to the quick knee-trembler on a table through to you fellating us in a parked car, we will cause you to associate all of these sexual acts as being manifestations of our truly remarkable love. Eventually, the word sex becomes eroded and every time we do something which is sexual in nature it is seen as love. Everything we do together in the sexual arena is born of love, is because of love and is a manifestation of love.

You are unable to resist this blurring of the boundaries between love and sex. You are not able to prevent sex actually subsuming the notion of love and cloaking itself in the name of love. This lack of resistance happens for two reasons. Firstly, the nature of our sexual couplings with you is so intense and enjoyable you want them and you want them repeatedly. Secondly, aside from the use of sex as a weapon, during the seduction stage you are being love bombed on lots of different fronts. We are saying beautiful things to you, writing you poems and love letters, buying you gifts, taking you to special places, looking after you when you feel ill, introducing you to our friends and so on. This onslaught of loving behaviour magnifies what we are doing on the sexual side. You are surrounded by loving behaviour so that it permeates into everything that we do with you, including sex. Accordingly, over time sex and love become bound up together. The great sex we provide to you translates as the marvellous love that we have for you. Sex is love, love is sex and it feels amazing causing you to become addicted to the sensation. We create lovesex and it is a powerful way of creating an addiction in you.

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63 thoughts on “LoveSex Addiction”

  1. Personally, I would rather go for a ride on his charger then on him😏 Depending , though who him is.
    Yes, he often called me Princess and Angel.
    Words are not cheap, Narcsisists cheapen them.
    I rathered enjoy reciting away whilst being hammered away. Certain words incredibly enhance a sexual experience, I very much agree. It isn’t the sweet nothings, either.
    I do equate passion and adventure and sex with love. But, I can love without sex. I cannot have sex without love. There is no blurred lines there for me, I must feel love. What I feel from him, real or illusion obviously must feel like love to engage.
    He wrote me over fifty poems in our time together. Do you write your victims poetry, HG? I suppose it would depend on the type of victim you ensnare. I am sure many a woman in past years have enjoyed poems he wrote for me. I best not dwell upon that thought too long. Wordsworth, here I cum.

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      1. Do you have any poetry you have written on hand HG ? I do not mean written on the palm of your hand either😏 Any you recall? Based on My own experience I am curious what made you write certain women poetry and not others? Other then being In tuned to their passions.
        He said I was his muse and inspired his creative side. To be completely honest it saddness me to think other women have poems he wrote for me. Thinking he wrote them for them. To taint something so meaningful to another, but that is the nature of the beast, so to speak.

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      2. Not to hand as most were handwritten and therefore in the hands of the recipient. I wrote them for those where I kne it would have the greatest effect. Yes he will have written them for other people. If it works for a certain type of victim we will keep using it.

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      3. I asked as he requested I rewrite all the poems he ever wrote me and give them to him. Stating he planned to have them put In Book form for my birthday. When I never received it. I asked if he requested them so he could have them to send to various women and save time writing new material. He was insulted and silent treatment three weeks. So that said, to me I was correct I made determination.
        He claimed he never wrote any one poems before me as they didn not value such, as I do. What is worse for me, if he gives them poems I wrote for him, passing them off as his own. A pox upon him….

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  2. HG, Great post like always! But not only narcs use this technique. Have you never heard the saying, women have sex for love and men use love for sex?? Xxx

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  3. Well, in its most primal nature, “coupling” as you call it has to exist so a species can procreate and continue the circle of life. It’s biological. It’s chemical. We may be addicted to the love aspect associated to sex. But let’s not forget Love, you are addicted to the rush of power you get having us submit to you. You love to watch us tremble and shake and have us whisper certain things back to you signifying you’re the only one capable of such an earth shattering experience.
    Goes both ways!

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    1. It does go both ways, but with a Narc, he knows that by doing and saying all the right things, he can have all of that in spades from multiple sources all at once.

      The problem for the targets is, you get so wrapped up and consumed by him that when he goes off to seek fuel and satisfaction elsewhere, you are left a damaged, broken shell of your former self.

      It`s second nature to a Narc to move on, leave you high and dry and broken, and collect that oh-so satisfying love-sex fuel from the next willing participant.

      The Narc can move on to a new source because he feeds on the power generated by the intense emotions you pour directly into his waiting mouth.

      For the targets, moving on is not so easy, perhaps next to impossible at times from what you all say.

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      1. Always a pleasure having you pour salt in a still gaping wound. Since you can’t understand, it’s as if you enjoy mocking the intense devastation felt by believing someone’s lies, being conditioned and managed down and left as the shell of a person and broken. Yet you claim to want to understand us?
        There was a pour soul on here yesterday wanting to give up…on life.
        That is what this madness can literally cause to someone. Many of us reached out to her and I truly hope she is faring better today. Although I was near that state a year ago and the past year has been agonizing, which is exactly why I’ve been spending the last 11 months in most of my free time on this blog to climb out of this abyss and out of the fog. I do not take lightly or kindly to someone using a condescending tone that seems to insinuate we ask and deserve this treatment. Yes, he feeds on the power of our emotions both negative and positive. However it is presented to us over and over as mutual love. Blind faith and respect accompany our love that just gets trashed into oblivion, because we don’t know we are dealing with a human robot mimicking and mirroring our emotions until he grows bored.
        Hmmmmm, I seem to hear the sound of an annoying gnat that I shall flick away, just like that.

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      2. It`s unfortunate you chose to take personally a very general statement that was built around the words and feelings many of you here have used to describe your experiences with Narcs.

        Though I do tend to carry a very pretty salt shaker around with me for those “just in case” moments, that is not what I was attempting to with my statement above. Not at all.

        I was simply agreeing with you by noting while it goes go both ways, the end result is devastating for the target, while not so much so for the Narc. It goes both ways, but not.

        One thing I will say is that the people on this blog are certainly a massive cut above most “victims.” Most of you here are taking steps to put yourselves back together again and you’re being proactive about recovering and ensuring you don’t fall prey to a Narc again.

        I certainly am able to commend and respect that. And of course, I have nothing but praise for HG for being so willing to openly and honestly share with all of you in this space.

        Flick away, Clarece. You have the option of not interacting with me at all, so might be best you exercise it. I can assure you it doesn’t affect me one way or the other.

        Take care and be well.

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      3. Well-said & very true!

        My take is: Moving on is impossible and moving on is possible eventually… depending on what we decide to tell ourselves and how we act on it, both statements are true. In fact, we (former targets) can be totally in control of the *Lovesexy* if we choose to be (work on our core wounds and heal them).

        After a over a year of being totally stuck in that particularily painful place (= sexual longing despite hating him for what he did), I decided to move on and stop hating him. I started practicing compassion and forgiveness. And shifting my focus away from the narc and onto myself instead. I strated dealing with my own issues instead of obsessing about him, his isssues and the ‘Whys’ and ‘What Ifs’. Interestingly, this is when the sexual longing finally decreased and even totally stopped at some point. That process took me about another year, so 2 years in total. I have now emotionally unhook educated and been narc-free for about 3 months and I feel free, light, happy and connected to LoveLifeUniverse again for the first time in YEARS! 😀

        My True Self’s conbectiom to *LoveLifeUniverse* feels MUCH better than the precious addiction to the narc’s false LoveSexy! Teheee:-))))

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  4. No. It was fun without the consummation. So many ways to have fun. Gonna give him and your kind props that not consummating was about my deficient self. Adonis could sweep in and had the same impact.

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  5. Oh great and powerful HG, (always start with fuel) I am thinking of becoming your favorite Internet stalker. As I sit at my breakfast bar tapping my freshly manicured fingernails on my granite counter top, I decide where to start…..your name. So what do I do? I know! I will order Chinese (favorite dish? Sum Yung Guy) then it hits me….you are Chinese and HG stands for Hung Guy, close? My thoughts are confirmed by today’s post highlighting your sexpertise. Let me start that google/FB/Twitter search….

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  6. Love it 2mapthetic. Although I’m sure when I was tracking HG that I learned from one of his lieutenants it stood for his two greatest role models Henry God Tudor. Is that right HG or just propaganda?

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  7. Still my favorite topic:) – if I stay floating up on the surface.

    Oh HG, how your words do so grab my attention. How the mixture that was put inside me so long ago still can be tempted to bubble up and make murky the clear waters of the ocean that is me.

    Tempting to fall into the illusion that the sex was the greatest ever or that ever will be. It was many, many things but it was not shared. And sharing is the foundation of what my heart longs for. I have zero experience with true intimacy between the sheets…and plenty of what it is not. Something about being seen, about the safety to be vulnerable, about freedom and something about love. Man, that must feel really really good. And I imagine it must also feel terrifying- not anything like the safety of the familiarity of codependence, anxiety, confusion.

    Yes, those of us that fall the hardest and deepest into the Narcissist sexual lair are the most broken and damaged of them all. It hurts like hell to say it.

    ️️Healing oneself from allowing enslavement by an abuser masquerading as a soul mate is no easy task.

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  8. Do you ever see the opposite? I was not addicted to sex, but my N ex was addicted to porn and expected me to have sex with him several times a day. He used sex as a weapon to cause me guilt if I didn’t perform. I guess the end result was the same. Completely blurred lines between love and sex.

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  9. I find this incredibly interesting, and I also enjoy learning from those who equate sex with love.

    I do not. I love sex, but for me, it has absolutely nothing to do with love. I do not need someone to love me to have sex. In fact, love just tenderizes an act that that for me, needs to be primal and lust-filled in order to be enjoyable.

    I`ve said it before that the term “making love” makes no sense to me. My girlfriends tell me there is something wrong with me and I am missing out. “Oh, you haven’t experienced really great sex until you’ve had sex with a man who really loves you.”

    Hmmmm….

    Sex is absolutely about control and I always find it funny when people say it isn`t. I am well aware of the control I wield when a man (or woman) wants me and I am well aware of the lengths many will go to get what they want.

    That being said, I would give the right man all the control he desires if he lights the fire inside me.

    This post sent shivers down my spine in the loveliest of ways, but that won`t surprise you.

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    1. Your honesty is refreshing. It is interesting how it was your girlfriends who made that comment. Do you ever think that a group of men would make such a comment?

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      1. I have not had one man, let alone a group of men, make any such comments to me. Go figure.

        My experience though – men love the idea of a girl like me who thinks and feels about sex the way I do. But more than half have no idea what to do with me. They yearn and lust after me, but if I decide to give them a chance, they just have no clue.

        Or, they “fall in love” which is fun for a while, until it’s not fun anymore and it’s time to do something (or someone new).

        My “girlfriends” are jealous of me because they are stuck in full lifeless marriages and they only wish they had my freedom and adventure. Keeping in mind that while they are gushing about love-filled sex and how great it is, their husbands are busy plotting all the depraved things they’d like to do with me.

        Men who feel like I do get high-fives all around. No one will high-five me for my feelings and attitudes about sex. More likely I’ll get called a whore or slut or someone will tell me they feel sorry for me. It might be a more effective criticism if I have a f**k.

        Would you high-five me, HG?

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      2. Outstanding.

        You will have to excuse me, I have some videos to return, then a trip to the dry cleaners and then I have a reservation at Dorsia.

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      3. All men that think like you would high 5 you. Again you speak the words of my ex.
        I think you two were meant to be together and you just have not found each other. One of you is in the wrong country.

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      4. HG, I don`t want you to get drunk, but that`s a very expensive chardonnay you`re not drinking.

        And you`re not inhuman, you`re in touch with your humanity.

        🙂

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    2. You’re a woman after my own heart B&T lol I couldn’t have said it better! The term “making love” is so foreign to me and makes me cringe. I’d crawl out of my skin if anyone ever intertwined their hands in mine and looked lovingly in my eyes while going slow…gag! I feel no emotion during sex other than pleasure and pain, which are obviously both physical. I can become sexually addicted to someone but love plays no part in it. I’ve also come to the conclusion that I don’t “love” in the same way as most people do so there’s also that.

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      1. Exactly.

        For me, sex is purely physical. I feel intense lust and longing and desire for the physical sensations the act brings me, but there`s no emotion there – at least not love.

        May I say, notquite, that you have beautiful eyes!

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      2. Why thank you B&T, you do as well. Do I dare say we possess the same devilish gleam😈 We certainly both seem to enjoy the same carnal pleasures life has to offer. It’s quite difficult finding fellow females who share my same views on sex and relationships. Here’s to living life to the fullest and not letting social norms dull our shine🍻

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      3. If I was capable of love not quite, I would tell you I love you and mean it.

        But since I am not, I will tell you that I find you fascinating and am very excited to find someone who can relate to me and the sentiments I express.

        To hell with social norms, sweetheart. Normal is so very boring, don`t you think!?!

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      4. Couldn’t agree more B&T! I have no use for normal, which is equilavent to mediocre, in my life. However, I find that I’m unable to achieve contentment. Once I conquer a goal or person, I’m so easily bored afterwards and I’m off to the next challenge. Although, I’m quite excited about my current prospect😊 He has traits, especially sexual, so let the dance and addiction begin😍 Not worrying about becoming emotionally attached is a blessing in disguise if you ask me.

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      5. I am much the same, NotQuite. Once the fun has been had it is time to move on (rather quickly) to someone or something else.

        I get bored easily and I`m a bit of an adrenaline junkie. I like things to always be in motion, always be exciting….go, go, go!

        When things settle down I get restless and irritable and that`s typically when trouble starts. Sometimes before, depending on what`s going on, etc.

        Dance away, you gorgeous creature you! I hope your dance/addiction is fruitful, exciting and passionate!

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      6. I just remembered that the narc and I once discussed the term of ‘making love’, since he never used it. Instead, he used the (more obvious) term of ‘f****ng’. Well, I told him that while there were some situations where I’d feel that term best reflected what we were doing, there were other moments where I’d prefer the notion or concept of ‘making love’. I remember that he replied sometimes along the lines of “I never think of ‘making love’ when I do sex.” And I also remember feeling icky, embarassed and even disturbed (for both of us) when he said that. It was just as if something very dear and special (for me) had become cheap, vulgar and interchangeable. Which it had been all the time for him. It’s only that it took *me* months to get out of the fog…

        I adressed that bad feeling of being replaceable and interchangeable on several occasions and told him it was one of the main reasons why I didn’t want to be around him anymore, and why I wanted him out of my life completely. He never ever compromised on that point (never ever told me I was special to him or that what we shared was special). I guess that’s because he knew *not* saying such a think would hurt me most (and he was right). It is fairly to note that in his heart of heart, he didn’t feel special himself (something he often mentioned in a work-related context). Nevertheless, he always felt entitled to special treatment but I could tell from the bursts of narcissistic injury episoden that he in fact considered himself as “a failure”. Of course, it was everybody else’s fault that he had failed (when in fact he has not- at least not job-wise – others would be proud of such achievements). But to him, his achievements were never good enough. Nothing and nobody was ever good enough for him.

        It’s obvious why: because nothing he did was done with love. Not even the love-making. Everybody can f*** around – it’s easy (especially for us women). But not everybody can combine *making love* & *having great sex*! That is the Art of Love and it is a something we can only have by genuinely seeing the other person and connecting with them with our hearts. When we see someone with our hearts, he or she will become so special and unique to us – just like that one rose in Antoine Saint-Exupéry’s ‘The Little Prince”.

        Since narcs are totally disconnected from their hearts, they are doomed to a life-time of f****ng and consuming new targets (aka ITs in their restricted mindset) instead of loving, envelopping and fusing with that beautiful Rose in their thoughts, with their words, their hearts… and with their hands, lips, tongues, …..

        That inability is exactly the reason why I left. A narc becomest boring, predictable and monotone when you see through them and ‘get them’. Because they will never be able to ‘get us’ as deeply as we get them! Beyond the drama of push & pull, everything is flat, restricted, lifeless.

        Certainly not worthy of dying for.

        We can either choose to live or stay stuck in that black hole with them = become a walking dead. What do you choose?

        xx Alice

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    1. Probably not because that is exactly his downfall that he looks for exactly his opposite but I know you would be the answer to his prayers…. Exactly same mentality and way of thinking… I read you sometimes and I hear him..
      What a pity for both of you.
      Maybe you are also like him and looking for exactly the comtrary which will in my opinion not work out.

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  10. Can you elaborate on what this type of narc would try on an asexual (demi, actually) source of supply?

    I’m demi myself and do when things were rough with him, I did not want him anywhere near me. Even though yes, he was (and probably is) a master in the bedroom. I would rather have my virginity grow back than to sleep with him ever again.

    There were numerous fights over the years about how if I loved him, I would want to make love to him no matter what else was going on. He didn’t believe in asexuality and this was a dreadful and recurring topic of discussion.

    There were other things that I’d rather not elaborate on.

    But if this type of narc uses “lovesex” as a way of keeping their supply close, I’m honestly wondering why he didnt discard me sooner. Intimacy pretty much went downhill after the first year and we were together for almost a decade.
    The “regular” fights about this didn’t start until much later, it was simply something we talked about once or twice a year for the first 4 years.

    His idea of a healthy relationship included daily intercourse, by the way. I thought once or twice a week was enough, as long as I felt good about doing it.
    Which was “not so much” for the final 2 years, by the way. I could go 3 months or more without that type of desire.

    It’s been 9 months since we separated and I haven’t even thought about sex or “the” sex between him and me.

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    1. The fact that your sexual attraction arises out of the emotional connection is something which would be relished by our kind. The manipulations would take the form of ensuring your binding to us through your emotional desire for us in the same way that we would with any of our victims. We want you emotionally bound to us. A pure sexual attraction for us without the associated emotional connection is of little us to us. Whilst a somatic would derive some pleasure from the sexual nature of such a union and the praise for the performance et al that would provide fuel, if there was an absence of an emotional binding to us, this would not only affect the degree by which he would be able to maintain a close hold on the individual but it would also mean that the provision of fuel would not be as great as it ought to be. We need to generate your emotional connection to us and sex is part of achieving this. If there was just the sex but no emotional connection then this would not serve our purposes. If we achieve the emotional connection without sex that will work for us, remember although we derive some physical pleasure from the sexual act it is regarded more as a device than something we feel we have to do, indeed we only engage in it to further our aims. If we were entirely confident that we could achieve your emotional coupling with us at the desired level, without having to engage in sex and that we could also command the resultant emotional pain and hurt later, without having to withdraw sex from the equation, we would do this. As it stands, for most of those we target the amalgam of sex and love proves potent in securing that emotional attachment. If you submit to our manipulations and become bound to us emotionally without us needing to use sex first, so be it. If the sexual attraction follows thereafter we will the use it to increase the emotional connection. It is your emotions that we want.

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      1. That must be why the narc formerly in my life stated that he never engaged with a prostitute, and never would; adding: “I am whole-heartedly convinced that I will never need to.”

        For once, this was some truth coming out of his mouth, LOL!

        I would like to add that the physical act in itself wasn’t exceptional or remarkable- I have known much better lovers than him!

        Rather, it was the (fake) ‘Lovesexy mélange’ that made it *feel* so remarkable to me! It freed and unchained the Creature in me (in a good way)!! The Creature that had always resided within me but I had forgotten her over time. Thanks to his ‘Lovesexy mélange’, she was Bornheim again.

        He is out of my life for good, but she is still there! And somebody more deserving of her is riping the fruits:-)

        Thank you narc! 😎

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  11. Could you possibly elaborate on what exactly a victim narcissist is? Just found your blog and wow, just wow!!! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Hi Tina, you are welcome. To save my fingers I would recommend you read Sitting Target which is available on Amazon and you will find more information there.

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  12. This is actually bit effective for a person who knows how to love abs how to have hot sexy avd the difference in between and is strong in understanding the fine line abs difference between them and knows how to hit entangle them no mater how hit flaming sweating the sex might be now if she’s a victim of someone like you avd knows this trucks she’s using you for the sex and is not interested emotionally I. You at all whatsoever because she knows what is coming if she does and this behavior could cause someone to throw up or even become homosexual and at least consider it for being so hurt by these horrible men she’s been with or ….. But people who already not only one this behavior but have a very strong specific mark on what true love us what sex real sex is avd what is lovemaking will truly understand the differences between all if these things . I as a woman wouldn’t believed 95% of what you would say during this flashing hit sec you explain seriously thanks but no thanks becayse I know what true love us what true sex is abs what true lovemaking is abs the great big difference mark between them quite clear in my system . What I see from the ” loving words ” you describe as you’re e facing sexual conduct are more of a description of an uncontrollable impulsive jumping dog also known as an impulsive dug typical make behavior which makes me puke like a 13 year old girl although I’m good in my thirties

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  13. Very good and clear-sighted post! That’s exactly how it works!!!

    PRINCE (a very talenten narc imho) once made a record called ‘LOVESEXY’, by the way:-)

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