30 Icy Shards
Words are our weapons. Easy to use, low in energy expenditure but with such potential. The capacity to charm, to flatter, to instil joy, to create desire, love and passion, to engender affection and much more besides. Words can be used to soothe, to convince, to persuade and to calm. Those words can also hurt, upset, annoy and frustrate. Cutting comments, acidic accusations and pernicious put-downs. The greater of our kind show particular ingenuity in assembling those savage sentences which cause despair and generate misery for the recipient. We adopt a considered approach in respect of the uttering of these barbed comments.
- They will be reserved most often for strangers and minions in order to reinforce our superiority and to show off in front of you, our primary source. We have no façade to maintain with the newspaper vendor, the waitress or the driver of another car. They will suffer the caustic words to allow the provision of fuel to us by their shocked and upset reaction and also from you by reason of your admiration at our masterful handling of the incompetent person serving us.
- Those who form the façade rarely receive the lash of our tongue unless they deceive us and become treacherous. For the most part those people will only ever experience the pouring of honey in their ears and the sugar-coated pleasantries which are designed to keep the loyal to us and to maintain the façade to our benefit.
- The worst of these comments is directed at you as our primary source of fuel. The issuing of nasty, malevolent and hurtful comments will be saved for you during devaluation for the purposes of causing the maximum provision of fuel and the assertion of our control. Slurs about your life, your appearance, your family, your interests, your job and your friends will be routinely hurled at you. This will happen repeatedly, like a machine gun firing our bilious bullets towards you. We also like to wield a show stopper of a comment, a particularly chilling comment which is designed to drive a shard of ice through your heart. The type of comment which leaves you in a stunned silence at the malice it contains. The nature of the comment leaves you horrified that somebody would say that to you, somebody who is meant to love and cherish you, somebody who once said the most wonderful things to you (and will do so again in about a week as the rollercoaster ride gets into its stride). These comments are designed to deliver maximum hurt, total upset and have that negative fuel pouring from you. They may leave you stunned, sickened, frightened and anxious, they will chill you to the core but our kind will always deliver them because words are our weapons. Here are thirty icy shards which are driven through your hearts.
- I will always be in your head and your heart. You will never ever escape me.
- I will not stop. Ever.
- You know, I thought about your funeral before and it troubled me. It troubled me because I would no longer be able to punish you.
- Nobody likes you, that is why your dad left you, you know. Nobody else will say it but I will.
- I hope it takes years of therapy to sort you out.
- You think this is bad? This is nothing. I am just getting started.
- I always know where you are.
- You are my puppet and I will never cut the strings.
- I know everything about you. Remember that.
- It’s strange what can happen when you are asleep.
- No matter how far you go I will always find you, because I own you.
- I only chose you because I felt sorry for you.
- You have no idea what is going through my mind right now have you? But I know exactly what you are thinking.
- Go on scream, nobody is listening.
- You are not a person to me.
- I’ve caressed you. Now I am going to crush you.
- Just think, you have already had the happiest moment in your life.
- You have told me all your secrets. Remember that.
- I’m diseased and I’ve infected every part of you.
- Nobody will ever believe what you say.
- I’m the permanent reminder of all the things you want to forget.
- I will teach our children to hate you.
- I’m going to show you what loneliness really is.
- This is happening because you are a bad person.
- I need to cleanse you and I will not stop until it is done.
- When you close your eyes you will only ever see my face.
- I will never let you go.
- I will never put you out of your misery.
- I hate her because she reminds me too much of you.
- This is what will happen for the rest of your life.
There are many more, but what have you been told which has stopped you in your tracks and sent a chill through you?
38 thoughts on “30 Icy Shards”
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“They (words*) will be reserved most often for strangers and minions in order (…) to show off in front of you, our primary source.”
“We have no façade to maintain with the newspaper vendor, the waitress or the driver of another car. They will suffer the caustic words to allow the provision of fuel to us by their shocked and upset reaction and also from you by reason of your admiration at our masterful handling of the incompetent person serving us.”
There are 2 huge red flags there:
For Empath: abusive behaviour with “non-valuable” strangers.
For Narc: “your (empath’s*) admiration at our masterful handling of the incompetent person serving us.” No real Empath would “admire” it. Moreover, Empath would express his/her indignation.
The #1… You said it…
Let’s see…. I have heard:
#4, although replace “father” with “parents”. He always said that when he was drunk
#5, recently
#6, he has taken that one back
#7, kind of. More like, “I will find you no matter where you go”
#9, another variation “No one knows you like I do, don’t forget that”. It’s kind of nice that I know something about him too now
#13, he always seemed to know exactly what I was thinking. Never mind that he was never right, but good luck convincing a narc
#14, except that people couild hear, he just reminded me that people here tend to mind their own business
#20, obviously he said this. Guess what, they do
#27, he said that right before he assaulted me and threatened to rape me <this was the most chilling one, he had only attacked me once prior to that, in almost a decade.
Other than these:
"I need her. I need you. I need you both for my health, Why do you want me to suffer" after having just told me he wanted me to accept his girlfriend on the side. I refused. He said I was forcing him to choose. I wasn't. I was ready to let him go if he wanted her. He went.
This was actually the most ridiculous thing, didn't even hurt that much because by that time I was already quite fed up with him.
Hello Kay, thank you for your observations, interesting to read.
“NOBODY CAN FUCK YOU, ONLY I CAN FUCK YOU”!
Right before he lifted fiercly lifted up my traditional Arabic dress and pulled down my panties and raped me.
SE,
Horrifying. I’d call out a hit.
Dear B&T
Why?.. what for to apply this cruelty ?..
When I was 19 forever Narc would say hurtful things such as:
You’ll never amount to anything without me.
If you leave me, everyone will see you’re a quitter.
You’re family won’t take you back because they wanted to get rid of you.
If you leave and go home then you’ll probably get knocked up because you’re a slut. You’ll be living in a trailer park, sitting on welfare because the only thing you’re good at is sucking cock.
All those things were said because I was leaving him. Moving home. I lived 2500 miles away from home with him. This is the only time he spoke to me like this. Ever.
Flash forward. I am 48 now. Couple months ago I came back on his radar. Curse u FB. Here is new and improved devaluing statements. btw all sex related, (could you give me your thoughts as to why that is HG please?):
You still look good but I bet that pussy is loose from having a baby.
If I come into town and unzip my pants, you will obey me. If you don’t I’ll post a picture of you on my group FB messenger, you know the one your brother is on? and see if he recognizes that fine ass of yours. Wouldn’t it be great if he didn’t and he comments that he’did fuck you?
Do you even remember how to suck a cock? I recall gagging on your part.
Bet your husband doesn’t gag you.
I am going to skullfuck that puffy lipped mouth of yours then paint a Rembrandt on your face.
Does your husband give it to you like me? I bet not, cause you can’t be your slutty self like u were with me.
I willingly have had sex with him off and on for years. It has always been back to the golden age of us then we meet we have sex, he leaves I leave. I go No contact. It means nothing to me and is finished. He disappearsays too. I’m not bothered it’s mutual.
I just wonder why he is so angry this time? If he wants to do the meet and greet like we used to, why set it up and mix golden age remarks with devaluing ones? Is it because I am married now?
I’ve had no contact with him as of late, but he is still coming into town. I am afraid he will stalk me. I’m afraid he’d force me if I see him. I don’t plan on it, seeing him i mean, but fear of him is in my head, because I think he may be angry that I left before full devaluing. I met for sex several times over years and didn’t contact him or ask to get back with him. Maybe he’s angry about this?. He’s been asking this time if I loved him, do I love him still, could I love him again, could I have a baby, would I leave my husband? Funny he’s married too. I thought grand hoover is a hearts and flowers not a mixture of that and put downs….confusion as to what he really wants.
Please HG can u use your mind palace to give me some answers/thoughts on this? anything is helpful. Thanks.
Hello 2empathetic, we have touched on in another post his approach and the impact on you. The use of the sexual language is because he regards this as the best hotline to affecting you. Your recent liaisons are all predicated on sex, you have met up for sex, he knows you really enjoy it and that makes him feel powerful. He wants to triangulate you with your husband by making reference to how his sexual performance will be better than that of your husband because he knows this will push a button with you. I suspect this is true, that his sexual performance is superior and he knows this. He is dangling in front of you something base and visceral that really appeals to you but in the same breath he is stating it in derogatory terms because this is how he regards you. He feels so powerful that he can start a hoover with sex as the reward whilst demeaning you. He sees you as nothing more than an appliance to provide fuel based on sexual union. He sees you as nothing more than a sexual appliance with various holes for him to fill with his magnificence whilst your gushing reactive fuel fills up the massive hole in him. He says these things because he knows they strike a chord with you deep within and awaken a need in you. This isn’t a grand hoover. This a follow-up hoover which is using malign language so create a win/win for him. If you meet up and have sex, he gets fuel from that. Thus semi-malign words (in effect back-handed compliments) achieve a benign outcome. If you reject him and respond in a vociferous manner to his comments, angered or upset at their content, he gets fuel.
I’m a follow up hoover? How dare him. I should at least be a grand hoover or above…lol There is only one person I would meet up to have sex with and it’s definitely not him. Thanks H for the cold hard facts. I’m reapplying my Teflon coating like the good flash in the pan that I am. 🐺🐑
You are most welcome.
Wow, sounds like he and my ex Mn husband share a foul mouth….fu@&ers!!!
He was nasty that way too, after I had him deported and I titis tend divorce…he would call me, before he was blocked and say things like, sure you looked good, but really sex is all you are good for. He liked sex one way and he got it that way, as I am a pleaser. So of course that wasn’t a complaint. He would say too bad, you had to talk and think so much and be a bitch…on my bitch started with a c for him.
The sex aspect. Is to demean us. Make us feel worthless. Don’t allow it, 2mpathetic, throw I back at him ie, must be why you can’t leave me alone, cause you need me and it, et cetera… I am sure you can word it much more vulgar then that. Recall, he needs YOU. YOU are addicted to that need. You do not need him, he makes you feel as though you do. He isn’t worth it, sex isn’t worth that torment.
“Go ahead and tell them whatever you want. They’ll never believe you. I’ll make sure of it.”
“You’re surprised that I don’t love you???? I’m surprise you ever thought I did!”
“Good luck finding someone who will be as forgiving of your numerous deficiencies as I was.”
Not said to me, but said by me.
I have no doubt they were and more besides.
“I am going to stalk you forever. You’ll never be free of me”
“Crap shag, something to unload on while my (non existent) girlfriend is on holiday”
“I only said what you wanted to hear”
Me: I’m feeling run down at the moment
Him: “You could be…”
The last one is especially ominous DD.
haha oh i can add more to that. My Narc thinks she owns me.
This was one in particular i’ll always remember, when I was seeing someone new and refuse to break up with the person
1. just so you know, someone in your blood wants to fuck me
Even though i knew it was a lie, i still asked : who?
Response back was typical of narc : You don’t deserve to know
there is a bunch more I can think of if i really wanted to, but that one stands out. She tells me all the time she can never let me go. She got me good a few weeks ago. Used the therapy card and i fell for it. total game to get me to leave the person i was with. Once i did the devaluation started again. Disgusting. Great thing is now i know the final “hope” i had left is gone. There is nothing left to prove to me she is anything i want in my life.
I listen to this song on repeat. Its obviously about a Narc.
Your hate sustains me
Such suffering comforts me
Your failures take me elsewhere
Your choices set me free
I know you watch me
I know your every move
This game is over
There is nothing left to prove
This is the end of Eden
This is my last goodbye
I’ve laid to rest the demons
Still, I’d love to watch you die
There is nothing left to cry for
My blessing is your curse
I’ve had enough of torture
I hope you feel it worse
I know you watch me
I know you every move
This game is over
There is nothing left to prove
There are no enemies left
Such things are born from grief
I grow stronger with every glance
Each time my name you speak
That list above is pretty hurtful too. Words destroy and once said they cant be erased.
I did never hear those but heard a couple of sentences that broke my heart and put me in tears right away and like Cara some echoed in my mind for days.
Hi HG,
Ermmmmm…..Are you asking for our examples of what has sent chills down our spine to gain inspiration on what cuts deep??? 🤔 To fill that cupboard of yours with utensils for the new guests at your table?? 😬 . Would giving you this information not be comparable to knocking on the door of a cannibal and gifting him with a picnic basket of seasoning upon your arrival ?? Or purposely jumping into a remote deep dark well without a ladder? – I would love to tell you, I have a list of examples longer than the M1 motorway, however I’m rather reluctant to say out of fear you might spear a heart ….or more to the point, one of your kind might if they are reading this!!😂 X
Hello ISTY, rest assured that if any of my kind are reading this then they have plenty of icy shards of their own. As for me, I invite it purely for research and understanding, I have a voracious appetite for knowledge so let’s read that list and see if it is longer than the M1 or whether you are exaggerating, just like our kind !
“I will always be in your head”…my mother lives rent-free inside my head (she’s alive & well, but even when I’m away from her, I still hear her voice). Having her in my head is a huge pain in the ass.
I heard a few of those from my Narc ex husband. It took awhile for me to understand what he was but once I did, I keft him and never looked back. Enter SocioNarc. He never said ANY of those things to me. He knew I would have recognized the words of an abuser. He said ONE vile and unspeakable thing to me. I have never forgotten it. To repeat it fills me with shame.
Fortunately for me it’s so long since Narc #1 that I can’t remember any of the nasty things he said, just the violence. He did once write me a 140 page letter telling me how it was all my fault that the relationship had ended, this was after I went no contact.
Narc #2 never behaved in that way mainly because I found him out before we fully entered the devaluation phase. All the other narcs I’ve come across since I’ve kept at arms length.
However last week I did get a text which said “You are going to do exactly as I say from now on or else. Don’t fuck with me” that was from my 15 yr old son…the son of #1…Very concerning!
Thought of some more..
If you don’t like how things are you know where the door is.
I took care of you for 14 years, you will never see a dime out of me.
I was so good to you, good luck finding some one better, I am not as bad as you think I am.
Called my ears ice cream scoops and referred to my teeth as snagletooth before I got braces.
I saved you, if it wasn’t for me who knows how you sou would end up.
Mine always said (after I was hospitalized and diagnosed with BPD–) “No one will take you seriously because you’re certifiably crazy, even the doctors say you are crazy!” or “you’re a Borderline and we all know all Borderlines lie and can’t tell the truth more than they can tell their mouth from their a-hole” or “You have BPD which means everything you say is a delusion and a lie.” It’s actually kind of funny to think of these now. (he was later diagnosed with ASPD and NPD — meaning he’s a certified Malignant Narcissist). LOL!
I wish your bones (congentital bone disease) would hurry up and kill you.
Seriously? Dear defective person, have u ever used any of these phrases in ur life?
I cannot believe. It s insane
It s even worse than the story with a dog
Me? Never. I am far too charming to behave in such a manner.
And u never lie as well 😅
It is my truth.
One of my favorites to use is “you were never anything more than a mediocre fuck to me and it sickens me to think of all the energy I wasted on faking it.” And because I don’t require fuel, I don’t hoover and they are left with those parting words never to hear from me again. Of course what I said wasn’t true but they’ll never know that😏
He would say about my imperfections…That’s ok, I can still tolerate you, no one else will.
Number 10 is an interesting statement coming from you. So much can happen when one sleeps.
I can at least happily say in this case, that none of those icy shards touched my ears or heart. I never heard any of them.
His were more hateful outbursts, childish tantrums…like I wish I never met you, you think you have any rights In this relationship, well you don’t, we don’t have a contact, do we? You just can’t help yourself, your pathetic.
My favourite was… I just can’t leave you or stop loving you, I have tears in my eyes. I am sure he did not, this was in an email after a nasty outburst, over an innocent question, he must have taken as a criticism, And so forth….I left out all the curse words used as well.
Icy shards though initially pointed, eventually melt into nothingness.
Indeed just as long as you can get the temperature above zero.
I can melt them on my own validation, mind you I could probably refreeze them too.
Do u mean anything u say or are u just looking for the response.
It is a means to an end.