The Games Are Always Being Played

 

 

Image result for king chess piece

 

I love playing games. As I have written before, the games are always being played. I only ever play to win otherwise there is no point. I cannot lose and sit back and smile and accept it was nevertheless an enjoyable experience because if I was to lose then it could not be enjoyable. I would be accepting that you or someone else is better than me. You are not. He is not. They are not. I always have to win. In order to achieve this I operate by a particular set of rules. You think you know what those rules are because when we first come together I deign to play by your rules; I agree to operate by the systems and conventions of your reality. That is easy for me to do because everything is going swimmingly. I am seducing you and therefore you are letting me win because it feels good. I am content to go along with the pretence of agreeing that these are the rules of engagement. You think you are winning because you are getting this wonderful, generous and loving person. In reality, I am winning because I am receiving plenty of positive fuel from you.

It is thereafter that the rules alter because I decide (and it is always my decision) that we will now abide by the rules in my reality. You are not given a rulebook and you have to guess what those rules are. As soon as you think that you have grasped them and got a handle on them, they will suddenly change. It is akin to playing a game of football and I am winning three nil. You score two more goals and you are in the ascendancy and likely to equalise. There would normally be fifteen minutes to go but suddenly I change the rules so there is just one minute left. You fail to score and I win. You protest stating that is not the correct time but it does not matter because here I am the referee, the assistants and the fourth official and what I say goes. If you do not like it, tough. I will just pick up the ball and go home with it. It is like a game of darts where you have to start from 501 and end with a double. I on the other hand start from 51 and do not need a double. You claim it is not fair but why should I care about it? I have to win. Thus, you may realise that I enjoy a lie-in on a Sunday morning so you do not disturb me. I will purposefully set the alarm early and get up waking you early. Or if I do have a lie in, I will concoct some mystery appointment that I have missed because you let me lie in. When you wake me early the following Sunday I will erupt at you for being so selfish and not letting me sleep.

When you think have ascertained what the rules are they will alter. You will do your best to try and keep up but it is exhausting and frustrating. Yet, this manipulation of the rules to allow our kind to win does not end there. Goodness me no. Our driven desire to always be the winner means that not only will we sucker you by pretending to play by your rules and then change them; we will then change the game. One moment you think you are playing Monopoly and then I am telling you it was Professor Plum in the Study with the Candlestick.

“But that is Cluedo,” you will declare rather puzzled.

“I know,” I will smile in return.

“But we are playing monopoly.

“No we are not.”

“Yes we are, look this board has streets from New York on it.”

“No it doesn’t, those are rooms in the stately home.”

“What are you talking about? See here and here, street names.”

“Are you blind? Those are snakes and ladders.”

“What? You’ve changed it again.”

“No I haven’t. You are just making a fuss because you are losing.”

“What are you on about? I am not losing, I was winning.”

“Not at all. Check mate.”

“What?”

Our phenomenal capabilities for lying, blame-shifting, denial and reflection all mean that the game will change. You are wrong footed, unsure of yourself, confused and we keep on doing it. We must win, always and you have to lose, at your cost. We will apply all our methods of manipulation to ensure we are victorious and you lie sprawled in the dirt, broken and defeated. Our success has to be at everything and I mean everything, from the trivial to the substantial, Defeat is never an option for our kind and we will bend, twist and snap the rules and alter the game in order to achieve this. Now, let’s play a game. It is my favourite. You may know it. It is called Guess Who? You have no chance.

 

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56 thoughts on “The Games Are Always Being Played”

  1. Winner winner chicken dinner (Las Vegas baby)
    Narcs are certainly games enthusiasts. I have been sucked into their games many a time. They say hate the player not the game. What if there is no game waterboy? What do u do when I don’t play? Game off.
    This is all game day strategy learned from reading the playbooks by Mr. HG Tudor.

    Speaking of books Mr. Tudor, I am oh so happy for your accomplishment. Kingdom expansion is a beautiful thing.
    I really would want a signed copy of S&N. Could you put it on ebay? Or do the rewards thing on Amazon?
    I guess paper will beget paper, which is awesome because u really do deserve it and it’s worth every word written. A price cannot be put on saving a heart from breaking. Thanks for putting it in print. Youre the MVP in this narcissistic game of life.
    Oh, should I email you my address or will I just be sitting by the mailbox waiting for my signed copy while you laugh yourself all the way to the bank, monopoly guy?

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    1. I will gladly sign and personalise a copy of S&N for you. You just need to suggest how the logistics ought to work. Thank you for your kind words and your continued entertaining comments.

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    2. CN actually worked In the gaming industry and he is a horse racing gambler….I think sure best are his preference…oh and of course, the mind games.

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      1. I enjoy horse races, and I also enjoy visiting some of the higher-class casinos around here.

        I get an insane thrill off making high-stakes bets. Seeing how far I can push it…..with someone else’s money of course…;)

        A few weeks ago, I attended an event and played Blackjack. I walked away from the table with a huge chunk of change and the admiration of many onlookers. The high was dizzying.

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      2. I had a successful day at the races last Saturday. Five bets placed. Five wins secured. Naturally you would use OPM B&T for the stakes, it was what those who have achieved wealth have always done.

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      3. Well done blood and thunder, games of chance don’t Interest me as much as I don’t like to lose money. So the odds are my deterrent. I do bet on the English and Scottish Grand Nationals …I always pick the third place winner, six years In a row lol…I did pick the winner once. Normally I get two placed winners….I do enjoy horse racing of all…I have only been to a Casino once, all those bells and whistles are too for me. I understand the enticement for others though.

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      4. Why thank you, Miss_Stress, I was quite pleased with the end results as well.

        Today, I am going to try my hand at Beach Blanket Bingo, since it`s well over 40 degrees here and I`ve taken the afternoon off to do as I please.

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      5. It is 30 degrees here today, I don’t . Like the humidity. Yes, sounds like an excellent day to take off and enjoy. Mind the heat and hydrate.

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  2. I love this blog because you always put things into perspective, HG. I think for many of us there is cognitive dissonance between what we wish and the reality of what these people actually are.

    I am useful to my narc, clearly, but as the butt of a joke. It’s not what I had hoped for; games and proxy contact is clearly malign.

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  3. Truth. I lived this nightmare far too long. On my first date with someone new I asked to go bowling just to see how he handeled a game, later cards, it’s a good test, I can see the squirm even if well hidden, now that my eyes are open.

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  4. I have nightmares like this… I have had them since I was a child. Thank you HG for these confessions. If I ever wonder why and how Trump’s hat got in the ring to be the president over here, or how Hitler disposed of millions of innocent and good human beings or how I ended up in a castle with a malevolent Prince doling out my allowance from a faraway land so he did not have to see me waisting away and dying in front of his heirs as a result of being systematically erased, I can be reminded your kind needs this sort of control and managed destruction. I’ve seen what happens when you lose it, I’ve seen your kind self destruct when not gobbling up the fuel from the mental, emotional and spritual torture of others. It is a very ugly and sad thing to witness when you co-parent children with a person with this affliction, this malady. We non malignant sorts need to be reminded the Golden Prince was a carefully constructed illusion, I will not weep for him or the life we promised to give each other. My heart does break for the children, will they inherit his disease or dance to the music made by the Angels of their better nature? It remains to be seen, their struggles are many but their mother as formidable as she became did not lay down and die or become an empty vessel.
    I think your books give many people choices and clarity they may not have known had you not written and shared your work.
    As evil as you write yourself you are doing something of great value to so many. I am grateful HG.

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      1. As in the Hospice Nurse you’ll be paying? C’mon, it shouldn’t be any “someone” but rather someone special.

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      2. Then I guess your content to settle with an illusion after all. I hope the doctors progress with you more so that is not the case.

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      3. I don’t get ill often at all. If I was very ill I would just use it as a means to draw fuel either positive through compassion or sympathy or negative by telling you that you are not looking after me properly, that “x” would look after me more effectively and so on. It provides a further opportunity to me.

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      4. Thanks. That is exactly what is happening. I hope he recovers anyway. I am one of many ex’. The only one with a child of his. Of course he left me to deal with all of the cost and responsibility of raising my daughter and didn’t care about her until he wanted credit for her hard work at uni.

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  5. I would say reading your blogs really piss me off! I appreciate the insight and the blatant reality of your thinking. But really it brings this anger up from the deaths of me that I let the pathetic man who I called husband for 23 years fool me. I have moved on, I don’t hold onto bitterness cuz that just hurts me. I have become a stronger person because of what I have gone through. My only solic is he is still a pathetic soul incapable of a real relationship.

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    1. I think you just write that they piss you off Mel! Yes the insight is there, it is often unpleasant to have to swallow the reality but swallow you must. Thank you for reading.

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  6. When its so agreable and fun to speak to ine person and do the games with a special oerson.,
    But the fuel gets stalexI know.
    On the other side since I am in NPD school. Its a red flag for me when people cant loose. All the for sure Ns i know can absolutely not lose in a game. Its just impossible. This still impresses me.
    To see a person that cant loose and how they totally chamge when playing.

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    1. Yup, my sister was always the banker in monopoly. She always cheated and this upset me because I wanted play and Win fair and square. But if I did manage to win at any game (because I was actually better than her) she would have a huge tantrum and throw everything everywhere or go off and cry and refuse to play anymore. I wanted to play more than I wanted to win. So I learned to be a loser. Set me up for life.

      But no more #winning

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      1. I thought third was hairy chest.

        But now I know HG, id be even happier to come third

        Though it’s always handy to have a hairy chest in the winter

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    2. So true. Nikita, my ex hubby was this way, even when we played pool for fun and I made flakey shots and got excited…he would say I don’t want to play anymore, in middle of game and sit down and have a drink. I would say why do you have ruin something that is for fun, why must you be so competitive. I am happy to lose, I don’t care, it is suppose to be fun to play. He always ruined it, even when with friends. It was embarrassing to say the least, his bad sportsmanship. Yes, you are right, it was. Red flag waving.

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  7. Shall we play a game? Let’s play the one where i turn my ringer off and disappear from your tangible sphere of influence but enter your mind from time to time. You hate that game and so do I. Let’s play chess instead.

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    1. I enjoy playing chess. Here are my pieces. One King and the rest are queens. You have one pawn. I would let you go first but the first move is always mine.

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  8. HG! You enjoy horse races….have you ever been to the Newmarket course? Do you go to the races or just bet online? Well done on your wins, my ex had form down to a science. I went with the feeling of the horse by name and still chose winners…ha ha. Some times emotion can win out.

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    1. Yes I have been to Newmarket. I only bet on horses when I am at the course. I like to look the horse in the eye and let him know that it’s the glue factory for him if he doesn’t deliver.

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      1. There is a tree near the stands, think on it next time there. Loved ones are in Norwich anD East Anglia areas.
        Wow, no pressure On the horse then. Please don’t look in my eyes the same way 😏

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      2. Around five times a year, usually work related. Yes I’ve been to the Grand National. I usually do Royal Ascot, Cheltenham Festival and Ebor Festival.

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  9. HG – I would think you would prefer your way out in an old folks home. I would think the disproportion of old Ladies to old men would make you look forward to dying.. Could you imagine the drama lmao.

    Anyway. It’s easy for a narc to find someone suitable. Considering suitable has nothing to do with feeling real love. it must be comforting to know you will always be able to feel “love” so easily. I mean, if i don’t love someone they can start to get on my nerves pretty quick after a few days. it’s uncomfortable being alone.. If I was weak I could find someone. However I know that it’s imperative I become happy being single. if other people can do it, so can I.

    But I have a question for you HG.. A little off topic. say a narcissist goes to a therpist for anxiety or depression. is there a certain series of questions that a therapist can ask to potentially get past a narcs facade and get some answers that exposure their true nature ?

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    1. This presupposes that the therapist believes the client to potentially be a narcissist in order to ask the questions. If the N has gone to seek assistance for anxiety or depression, I find it extremely unlikely that the therapist would consider asking such questions and if they did the N would resist them anyway and present a different face to deny any suggestion of being a narcissist.

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