Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession


1. You belong to me.

I own you. From the moment I first engaged with you, you became mine. That is the unwritten contract that forms between you and me. I engulf you, I possess you and I subsume your identity into mine. I do not recognise you as someone who is separate and distinct from me, with your own hopes, fears and desires. You have been plugged into me from the start, my appliance which is there to provide me with fuel, obey me and accede to my commands. This mind set is what governs the entirety of our relationship and is what is behind so much of what I do and say to you. By understanding that this is how I view you in relation to me you will realise that once I have begun to entangle you, the concept of you evaporates and you become part of me.

2. What is yours is mine

As part of this unwritten contract I immediately take power, custody and control of everything which you own. Your money is mine to spend. Your friends become my friends and ripe for recruitment into the ranks of my lieutenants. Your house is my house where I shall install myself before you know it, using your utilities freely although never paying for them. It is not your car, it is my car now. I recognise no boundaries and therefore you will find that your possessions will always be sequestrated for my use. You are not allowed to own anything in your own right. From the cake you have saved for later to your shower gel, I will take it and use it. This sense of entitlement extends beyond the material. I will take your dignity, your sanity and your self-esteem too. I have no use for those things, they cannot serve me in any way but I will take them all the same. I am an asset stripper and you will be stripped.

3. Blame belongs to you

I am never at fault. I am never responsible and I am never accountable. Culpability and I are not bedfellows. I escape liability for anything and everything that I do and instead the blame will always rest with you. Even if you have done nothing wrong I will pin the blame on you as this serves my purposes to draw fuel from you, control you and denigrate you. If I forget to remove something from the cooker, it is your fault. If I forget to pay a parking ticket on time, it is your fault. If I forget an anniversary, it is your fault. Each and every mishap, failure and problem which arises will always be attributed to you because I cannot be held to account.

4. I take what I want from whomsoever that I choose

I walk this world as a colossus and it is my right  to do as I please. I will take whatever my eye rests on as I am entitled to do so. I will steal because I can. If I want something then I will take it. I will take the credit for achievements when they belong to someone else. I will pinch the partner of a friend because I want her in my bed and not his. I will park my car where I like and I am not to suffer any consequence. I will borrow from neighbours and never return anything. It is my right to take and you must never challenge or criticise me as I exercise this right.

6. What is mine stays mine

All resources that are mine remain mine and are for my exclusive use. I will not lend anything to anybody, they should go and buy their own. I will not share. I will stockpile money secretly, notwithstanding that we apparently have a joint account. I have my own shelf inside the fridge for my food which nobody else is to touch. Nobody is allowed to sit in my favourite chair, not even when I am not there. Nobody is to play my CDs or read my books. They are not for you, they are for me. My friends are my friends, yes they will pretend to like you, purely for the sake of appearance but they will never actually be your friends. Anything that is mine remains as mine.

7. I go where I please

I own the right to go anywhere that I like. I am not to be stopped or questioned as to where I am going or where I have been. I move in between and through, an unstoppable force in light of my vast sense of entitlement. I walk through doorways marked private, I attend meetings to which I have not been invited, I will turn up at your social occasions even though I was not asked to attend. I will step over the threshold, vault the red rope and penetrate all areas because I must always know what is going on. Besides, my presence is such that I am always welcome, who would not want someone as brilliant as I with them? I am access all areas.

8. I own the spotlight

The spotlight must be trained on me at all times as it belongs to me. It is for my use to highlight how interesting, witty and successful I am. It lights up my podium where I stand elevated and superior and woe betide you should you try to point it anywhere else. You must never interfere with my ownership of the spotlight for to do so will invite my fury at your transgression. It is a device that must be aimed at me so that the world is always to see me, so that I can receive the adoration which I am entitled to.

9. I owe you nothing

I owe you nothing because in the beginning I gave you everything. It does not matter that since then you have given me your all, your love, your affection, your time, your money, your dignity and your will to live. You can festoon me with gifts, run around after me, nurse me, pleasure me, support and soothe me but this is what you ought to be doing as I am entitled to be treated in this manner. I have no sense of needing to reciprocate, someone as high born as me need not deign to fawn over you, not any more, not once I have captured you and bound you tight to me. You are nothing without me, worthless and pathetic and therefore I owe you nothing, despite the fact you gave me everything.

10. You belong to me.

I thought I would remind you of this fact. It would not do to forget that now, would it?

9 thoughts on “Ten Laws of Narcissistic Possession

  1. CJ*03 says:

    I must admit…. yes, this is my ex for sure!!! The way in which she thought she owned me….. well f*ck!!!… it blew my mind when Poetic Me made a comment on here one day saying that it appeared as though, given my history with my ex being as extensive as is it, that PM thought there was an element of “ownership” that L felt… i have spent much more time think about this since PM made this remark and it just rings so ridiculously correct!!!

    And then to read this blog entry HG!!!… bloody spot on!!! I can see these aspects in her and certain beavioyrs of her as well asbeing able to think of direct examples too!!

    The sad part however……… i am starting to see much more of your writting in more than just L!!!….. im starting to see a little bit of a pattern regarding all the women that feel in the “off” periods with L!! Now that ive broken properly free of L for the first and last time, i am not instantly relating articles to her alone. Im started to be able to see behaviours in both A number of other exs….. BUT….. more scary…. i am willing to start accepting a number of these things about MYSELF Too!!! Especially point 1….. in my Borderline world… number 1 is quite applicable!! HOWEVER…… as a general rule, i dont just own you…. YOU OWN ME TOO!!! i know how its a very unhealthy view to have…. but yes…. it is somewhat how it feels at the time!!!

    I just wanted to very quickly say however, HG…… WHERE IS NUMBER 5??????!!!! hahahaha

  2. nikitalondon says:

    No no this must be depending on the type of N because I never had a relationship with all those points.

  3. Mary says:

    Just finished reading Black Hole and I have to know who cleaned up the up the house after you busted up the place? Haha! I always had to clean up after he had a freak out while he would just sit there glaring at me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well it wasn’t me, of that you can be assured Mary.

  4. Fool me 1 time says:

    It still amazes me how I now read things that have been going on my whole life in different relationships I have had with people from little on up!! I found you HG and started reading your posts because of my ex! But now as I continue to read and learn about N and myself I realize it has been going on my whole life in some fashion are another! Thank you!! Xxx

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome FM.

    2. traveler1965 says:

      I feel the same way. Now it feels comforting to know that there are others going through the same healing process. Thanks for your post.

  5. steeviann says:

    You think so? You have not been in my world. It just would not happen in my world. You have become delusional.

  6. Maddie says:

    Amusing…I like it 🙂

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