Do You Want More?

 

Oliver Twist, the eponymous main characters of Charles Dickens’ novel (also known as The Parish Boy’s Progress) became famous for coming back and asking for more and thereby incurring the incredulous anger of Mr Bumble. Oliver only ate gruel and was undernourished leaving him always hungry. Whilst we do not eat gruel, we are renown for coming back for more. This is something which often puzzles our victims. When that person eventually realises what has happened to them and that they have been on the receiving end of a sustained period of abuse and then a callous discard their reaction is invariably one of “Is it over?” Our victims are confused as to why it is that we return to them, why do we not leave that person alone? It is always the case that we will have moved on to someone new, indeed it is highly likely that someone else was waiting in the wings, being prepared for their anointment as the primary source so that the present incumbent can now be shed and erased from the records. The queen is dead, long live the queen. The discarded predecessor is left to wonder why it is that we just don’t focus on this new person and leave them alone to recover and tend to their many wounds. Surely we are pre-occupied with our new plaything, he or she is shiny and new, can we not be satisfied with wrapping them in our illusion so that we have no need or desire to maintain your torment?

Therein lies the key to understanding why it is that we keep coming back. It is a case of need and sometimes desire. Of course, our return manifests as the well-known hoover, the attempt to draw fuel from you once again. Often it is of a benign variety where false contrition is exhibited in order to make you think that we recognise the error of our ways and that we wish to change and make amends. Such an approach appeals directly to your good-hearted nature, you desire to see change and healing. We know this. That is why we say all these things. We may even go so far as to attend a session or two with a therapist or counsellor but this is all part of the ruse. In fact, this attendance is done purely to enable us to show to the therapist how brilliant we are, that there is nothing wrong with us and best of all to extract some fuel from them, but that is a discussion for another day. The fact remains we say these things to suck you back in. We express faux remorse and promise the return of the golden period once more and nearly always you accept, anything to make the pain go away and perhaps, just perhaps, this time, things will be different. If your resolve holds and you do not respond favourably to this benign attempt to draw you back so we can grasp you again, then with that lightning fast vacillation you know so well, we turn nasty. The malign behaviours appear and we lash out at you, exhibiting continued cruelty towards you.

Like everything else it is fuel that is the driving force behind our hoovering, the need for fuel is the catalyst. Surely though we are receiving plenty of positive fuel from the newly duped and compliant victim? Yes, we are and that wonderful admiration is providing lashings of positive fuel but if there is the prospect of more we will take it. If you can be contacted then we will make a play for more fuel from you. We are not just satisfied with drawing fuel from this new shiny appliance because we must reinforce our perception of power. The extraction of negative fuel provides us with more satisfaction and power than positive fuel because it is harder to cause someone to respond negatively than positively. It is nice to be nice apparently. By causing anger, upset, fear or frustration then this underlines the powerful nature of our manipulations. Extending that concept of resistance proving the font of the most of potent fuel, then when you have been discarded after our abusive treatment of you, you are likely to want to stay away from us. Admittedly, that resistance may not be high, given your addiction to the golden period and the reduction of your coping abilities, but it is there all the same. In some instances, the resistance is heightened by a determined victim who has received some enlightenment and wishes to implement the dreaded concept of no contact. This resistance, whether small of great, means that overcoming it with our benign or malign hoovering creates potent fuel indeed. It emphasises our greatness that we can treat someone terribly and then, at our time of choosing, draw them back to us or at least provoke some outraged or fearful additional response. The prospect of flexing our manipulative muscles and the accompanying fuel it creates is always too great to pass over. Too often our victims will hear nothing from us for a period of time and assume that we have indeed moved on. It is true our attentions will be on the new primary source but like the cruising shark, we sense the ripple caused by you dipping your toe back in the water and we will head straight for you. It might be the fact that you feel safe enough to walk past where we work again or to reinstate your social media profile without blocking us. It could be that you attend a function where we will be also. You may even send a message to us, wishing well, exemplifying your forgiving and tolerant nature. All of these actions and more will be picked up on our radar and we make a bee line for you ready to extract more fuel from you, be it positive or negative.

It may only be a matter of days before the return occurs as buoyed and triumphant at our new acquisition we wish to supplement the fuel by showing just how easy we are able to control you. On the other hand, it may be months or even years before we make that return for more. You may have disappeared off our radar and proven impossible to contact so that we have no choice but to press on with other victims and thus you are left alone. We never say never though. Should you pop back up on our radar, come to our attention or become contactable again then we will be back for more. The fact of what has gone on before provides a bridge between us. We may have burned that bridge when we discarded you but we will hastily reconstruct it in order to march into your territory once again and begin our occupation and draw more fuel from you. With some of our kind this need is accentuated by the desire to punish you. If you had the temerity to escape us and then raise the drawbridge, this amounts to a massive criticism of us. How dare you suggest that you are better than us, how dare you exert such control over our source of fuel, how dare you go off piste and fail to follow our script. The ignited fury will result in a raging response in order to draw fuel straight away. If you manage to weather that, do not think that our desire to punish you for your treachery will every go away. The greater of our kind, those of us motivated by a deep-seated hatred and malice will never forget this act of treason and we will keep coming back to punish you, issuing malign hoovers against you, wave after wave because you have committed such offence. I am of course a main in chains, permanently bound to you and this bondage, because of my need of fuel, both delights and disgusts me and whilst I want to leave you in the dust, near broken and defeated, I am unable to because of the irresistible pull of your fuel.

George Leigh Mallory, the mountaineer, was asked,

“Why did you want to climb Mount Everest.”

Mallory answered,

“Because it’s there.”

Why do we come back for more? Because you are there and we can. Except, unlike Oliver, we never ask for more, we just take.

0
Advertisements

62 thoughts on “Do You Want More?”

  1. The Narc would be in a mood and go off on a tangent, and I would be very calm and say “stop, drop, and roll” he would then calm and then start it over again in the same conversation. It was always on his way for lunch with a new fuel source or meeting someone new for coffee. I am curious to know if he had to get the bad mood out or his anger out so he could be calm and charming to his new conquest. I did not give him fuel, not really, at least not what he was looking to get. He just had to blow up, and it was always before his dates. I have no idea who is going off on now.
    Could you answer this about a possible Narc behaviour? Thanks HG

    0
    1. The blowing up will have been as a consequence of the ignition of fury because by being with you at that point in time he felt it was a criticism to be with you when he knew there was a better fuel source available to him in a matter of moments. He also did it to draw fuel which would be used to power the seduction of the new fuel source.

      0
  2. Hi HG. Big smile just for you coming up :).Very busy here but still keeping up with posts and comments.
    Boy I’d like to have some of what ever you are on to help keep pace !! You asked me to elaborate on my “tighter” comment regarding your witing as of late I’m just getting back to you here & now as so many things have come in on my computer since then It would be hard to find that original post & comments section right now so I will answer you here…a great a place as any. The last 6 were weighty tombs to be sure btw…greatly moved
    as usual.
    I had offered a few immediate examples then such as”increasing detail”, and “follow through in terms of amount and added content” and even using the words “calm and generous”. So if that not enough I have no problem elaborating as of course I have only started to repay that debt ;). So let me see. Your choices of words and wording ever more fitting, closer to the truths as I relate to them making them more enduring. Fastened in place on the paper then direct to my mind in a different manor.You seem more secure in your position, stronger in your demenor, your words are stronger, denser, and yet more free. The style seems easier, more sociable, more engaging. Jam packed, substantial, consolidated…and of a stable steady consistancy. I have noticed a few similar comments since mine, so I am not the only one to have noticed, just the first to possibly note and comment. Om Nava Shivaya X’s

    0
    1. Thank you Elaine, I appreciate what you have written and taking the time to expand on what you have observed, I am always interested in feedback, indeed, I always want to read what people think.

      0
  3. My head is spinning today. JN raged at me today. I guess because I went silent after I told him yesterday his behavior was so typical of before and I think he’s always looking for a better offer than me. (That was it – def not the most insulting thing I’ve said to him).
    I got to hear numerous times, “You. Are. Wrong.”
    I’m “mean” and “harshly reacted” when he just tried to give an honest answer about something.
    He’s “never seen such a display of projection” and I can’t possibly “be this bull headed.” He threw my age in my face and called me a “spoiled brat” several times.
    I stayed really calm today, surprisingly. He was definitely keeping the convo going. I reminded him he reached out to me and started this all back up. I’ve been leaving him alone. He told me a few times how infuriating I am and oh yes, my mouth always gets me in trouble. That’s “the single biggest thing”. I don’t know when to “shut the f*ck up.”
    I asked who was in I in trouble with? No one I know. Oh him? When am I not in trouble with him? Lol Does it even count if I’m just in trouble with him?
    With regard to me being infuriating, I replied “how does one get infuriated by someone or something they care nothing about?”. He didn’t like that answer either.
    I don’t know…I’m very confused.
    If someone were to read our text exchange, he would appear the victim and I would be the Narc. It’s crazy.
    I’m always hearing your words that he will only Hoover to be malign and punish me for the past so I really tried to form my answers to not let him bait me. I even told him that too. I said he is trying to bait me because he’s losing control of the conversation and he’s the spoiled brat.
    By compartmentalizing the emotion, it was almost comical.
    Somehow though, tonight, I’m feeling like the bat-sh*t crazy psycho.
    But, I’m not in a crying heap in the fetal position in my bed, so must be progress right? I heard some hurtful crap, and let it roll off my back.

    0
    1. The fact is you keep engaging with him when you should not be doing so. Every time you engage with him you are
      1. Signalling to him that he can keep trying to do so;
      2. Signalling that there is potential fuel on offer;
      3. Going to ignite his fury through the criticisms which will make him lash out at you;
      4. You give the appearance of trying to get him to see what he is/what is behaviour is – he cannot see it, nor will he, therefore stop trying.
      5. You are allowing him to seep back into you and start up the feelings you had again, for instance, you are honest and admit you feel like the psycho. This is a standard by product of engaging with him.
      Yes you have made progress as you are not crying and you did not respond to some of his insults and baiting, but you actually have no need to keep interacting with him.

      0
      1. Thank you! That was a very considerate response. As you are an Elite, I guess that makes me an Elite Super Tanker which makes me continual prime grade A material for your books and blog.

        0
  4. Just connected another piece to the puzzle. Thank you HG. I never get apologies or a promise to change. I do however get punishment.

    0
  5. Mr Tudor if the fuel from your previous discarded victims was not enough to make you stay and keep you satisfied before why do you think it would be enough during the Hoover ?

    0
  6. Awesome, I just get the feeling his comment amazing was just the start to an incredible punishment sense I have recovered, plus some, not that he knew just how far I fell. The bruised and bleeding knees have healed up. Yet I do have a few tricks now.
    Total lack of emotion shown
    Silence
    Looking right through him as if he isn’t there
    Be boring nothing exciting happens in my world anymore
    Will these serve well, or am I just lying to myself yet again
    I do know to ignore him infuriates him, would that help or would that just open a new can of worms?

    0
  7. Hmmm…..”Familiarity breeds contempt” vs. “familiarity breeds content”…is it possible that Narcissist’s are able to experience both? It made me think – narcissists view people as objects…but at the same time, once they “know” an object, it is more familiar (content). It’s almost like getting a new car maybe? It’s new and shiny, but there is just some comfort in the old car where you know all the features, buttons, and how it works that makes you not want to get rid of it UNTIL the contempt factor seeps in. If contrasted with “Familiarity breeds contempt”, maybe is the reaction to the construct, which would trigger an intimacy no contact rule (contempt) based on criticism? But is it possible that the Narcissist hovers and does these things because of his vantage point of both contempt and content that others do not have? Wanting the familiarity, but then again, not really wanting the feeling?

    I was talking to a friend today and telling her about your books and told her reading you is like a different language! But it almost feels like to understand the view point, maybe the Narcissist is like the ultimate multi-processor where normal contradictions in the brain are bypassed? If that were the case, I would say that a Narcissist is one of the best multi-taskers on the planet? But maybe I am wrong? Only you, HG, know as the self aware narcissist…

    It also makes me wonder – out of the population, how many are even on the Elite level? Considering you are the first author to even write about it from your perspective, I would say like, slim to zero?

    0
    1. There is force in your first paragraph Sarah, thank you for the observation.

      Yes it is a different language, a different perspective, a different way of thinking.

      There are many elites, I know a few.

      From what you write however it seems I need a category all to myself don’t I? Any suggestions?

      0
  8. *Lightning-fast vascillation* = severe whiplash

    Slow healing, pernicious, soft-tissue (♡) injury

    enlightenments→understandings here so very helpful *grateful*

    ws the most bizarre behavior/personality construct I’d ever seen –never mitigated

    no more zombie apocalypse! 😉

    0
  9. I helped myself to your last cigarette because it was there. I “borrowed” the household money because it was there. I ate a three course dinner and stuck you with the check because I knew you would pay. I partied until 4 in the morning and then expected you to pick me up from the club (the club I neglected to invite you to) and drive me home, because I knew you’d come running.

    0
  10. I hear nothing from Narcissist, but plenty from Lieutenant. In fact, Lieutenant even told me months ago that “PaperDoll Man” doesn’t want to hear or know anything about me. That’s really weird since only months before that I was supposedly “the love of his life whom he could not bear to live without, and whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with”…

    0
    1. It was said to you to draw a reaction for fuel, to control you and to emphasise his annoyance at you.
      he of course, in accordance with the concept of the Narcissistic Relationship can return at any time. You of course must stay away, until such time as he decrees you need not.

      0
      1. That’s true. He didn’t say “I’m never going to contact you again.” He did make it sound awfully final though by telling me he hopes I find what I’m looking for.

        0
    2. Nothing makes sense with these relationships. Mine told me at discard that he still cared about me very much and I haven’t heard from him in over a year.

      0
  11. If you were a lesser (yes, shudder the thought) what you desperate enough to hoover Andrea? I just can’t fathom any scenario where i’m split white again or that involves direct contact.

    Odd that posted on the same day lieutenant visited. Could that be the tantrum you were referring to?

    0
  12. If you were a lesser (yes, shudder the thought) what would make you desperate enough to hoover Andrea? I just can’t fathom any scenario where i’m split white again or that involves direct contact.

    Odd that posted on the same day lieutenant visited. Could that be the tantrum you were referring to?

    0
    1. Shudder indeed.

      The necessity of fuel, if other sources were not delivering and fuel was low, if there was an easy hit to be achieved in hoovering then it would be taken because the extraction of fuel is what matters beyond everything else.
      I would not necessarily have to hoover in a benign way either, a malign hoover would work just as well in order to draw the fuel.
      Potentially yes.

      0
  13. HG, can you provide information on a Sexual Narc? The ex narc expected me to be on call to satisfy his sexual desires for his pleasure. Also, both of them expected me to engage in sexual acts which they enjoyed. One would through a tantrum and go into a rage when I would deny him. Why, is that? I received a hoover the other night and when he ask if he could stop by to see me I said no I have company instead of hanging up he pretended to place me on hold and started ranting and cursing that he had his girlfriend was expecting his baby and the puesdo person can meet him in person to fight. I am yelling hello, hello, then he said oh I am sorry this guy think I am trying to talk to his lady and had called his phone. Thanks to you and other resources I know the fake guy he was yelling at was me😊 Why do they come back for sex? This n was extremely Sexual and would do anything to get it buy jewelry, trips, do odd jobs around my house, invest a lot of time pursuing then once he gets it return to himself.

    0
      1. No I haven’t read it is it a book or post? Please advise. If they are not capable of feeling intimacy why do they crave and desire it? I am to assume maybe more of a control issue and fuel from seeing their victims compromise whatever dignity they have left by doing acts they would never consider if they weren’t enslaved mentally by the narc.

        0
      2. My kindle crashed having issues downloading on android. The intro has me salivating for more. I will figure it out. Unbelievable, the lengths your type will go through for fuel it’s hard to accept that the intimacy during sex is all fake. Thanks Again, Is this in hardback?

        0
      3. Thanks just haggle with a seller for a used one. I have kindle unlimited so did not want to pay full price plus shipping for a new paperback not saying you aren’t worth it because we know you are more worthy than rubies, diamonds and pearls. Okay, I am sounding like a Prince
        Song. Patiently awaiting it’s arrival.

        0
  14. Just for fun…how would Tubby respond if I pulled a Leslie? Can you imagine…we meet up, I cater to his every need …and then right after finishing a nice meal at his favorite all you can eat buffet:..I present him with ….a bathroom scale and a membership to weight watchers. LMAO.
    Now THATs revenge

    0

Leave a Reply