Everything But The Truth

 

Image result for picture of liar

 

The lie. Everybody has lied at some point in their lives. Those who are empathic in nature however place considerable stock in honesty and decency. Their sense of self-worth and self-esteem is linked to their investment in telling the truth. The strong sense of guilt, the need to do the right thing and an awareness of the consequences of telling lies means that most empathic people only tend to stray into the arena of the ‘white lie’ so told in order to protect and to help. Of course an empathic person has the capacity to tell lies, but they are invariably regulated by their empathic traits so that this does not arise or if it does, it is rare indeed.

Our kind do not have such regulation. Since we are stripped of empathy, remorse and guilt, there are no handbrakes which exist to stop the lie as it forms in our mind or to prevent it appearing on our lips. Not only are these safeguards missing, the way that we have been created means that lying serves us especially well and therefore it actively encourages us to tell lies. This combination of a lack of safeguards and the encouragement, even necessity to lie, creates a fertile breeding ground for lies to be told.

Lie are the foot soldiers of the narcissist. There are thousands of them available. They are easy to apply, adaptable for all manner of situations and completely expendable. We direct our lies against our victims, battalions of them marching over people in order to achieve our aims and conquer.

How does our kind lie? Let us consider them in the context of one of our kind being suspected of engaging in infidelity and indeed has been doing so. The narcissist has arrived home later after spending the evening with a new prospect as a primary source and is asked where he has been by the existing intimate partner how is a primary source.

  1. Commission. A bare-faced lie where the truth is not told but something untrue is said instead. In the example detailed above, the response of ‘I have been working late at the office’ is given in response. Since we have no concept of guilt, it is easy enough for us to tell a lie of commission. We may even do so if there is evidence that demonstrates that what we have just said cannot be true. The ability to do so is something which our victims find difficult to reconcile.
  2. Omission. The truth appears to be told but the crucial detail is missing which results in a lie being told by omission. ‘I have been to see Leslie.’ Indeed, we have been to see Leslie, we just have not told you that we have been in bed with her all evening. The lie of omission provides us with the opportunity to do two things. First of all, to declare that we have actually told the truth and you are just looking for any reason to find fault with us – a dose of projection thrown in there too – and secondly, to blame-shift by asserting, ‘You asked where I had been, I told you, you didn’t ask me what I had been doing, you should have been more precise if you wanted to know, so don’t make your shortcomings something to blame me for.’
  3. Influence. A lie of influence is where we seek to convince you that somebody like us would not be capable of the very thing that you are accusing us of. We might respond in the above scenario by stating ‘looking forward to getting home to the love of my life, after all I am a happily married man.’ By asserting that this is the case we are seeing to influence you into believing that someone like us is incapable of being unfaithful. It is akin to someone being asked if they have been stealing from their employer and answering, ‘I have worked here for 20 years’ thus asserting through influence that someone so loyal would not steal.
  4. Silence. What better way to avoid the accusations and at the same time dole out one of our favourite manipulations by falling silent? By saying nothing we can camp on to the moral high ground by maintaining we neither told a lie of commission, not did we tell you a lie of omission as we said nothing at all.
  5. Exaggeration. As you would expect this is often used for the purposes of making us look good, thus we will embellish our financial capability, the amount we can bench-press, the number of football matches attended, the deals closed and so on and so forth. We see nothing wrong whatsoever with embellishment because all we are doing is taking something which is more or less true and polishing it up.
  6. Projection. This is an advanced lie based on silence. We do not answer the question, thus effectively responding silently to it, but instead we go further by accusing you of the very thing that we have done. Thus, in the example we would respond by saying to you ‘Never mind asking me where I have been, where were you this afternoon? I rang you twice and you never answered. You should have been here at home. What have you been doing eh? Getting cosy with that friend of yours from the school I bet.’
  7. Justification. In this instance you actually do get the truth told to you but there is no admission of the truth by us, thus we are maintaining a lie to you. This often includes those familiar manipulations of the Pity Play and/or the Blame Shift. In the example, this would appear as, ‘Yes, yes I have been with Leslie and in bed with her, so what? If you gave me some attention and you weren’t so damn frigid I would not have to go elsewhere would I, so don’t start trying to blame me, it is your fault.’ We have admitted the infidelity as a fact but we do not take ownership of the wrongdoing and thus we maintain a lie in that regard.

 

Why do we engage in lying in such an extensive fashion?

  1. Fuel. What else? Our lies are told to impress so that we gain adoration and admiration. Our lies are told to wound so that you become hurt, upset and angry. Our lies are told to frustrate so you become agitated and anxious. The telling of lies through one of the different forms described above allows us to provoke an emotional reaction and thus we can gain the fuel that we need. The more we lie, the more reactions we can provoke, good or bad, sometimes good and bad from the same lie and accordingly we gain more fuel.
  2. Control. We must control our environment and we must control you as our victims as part of this environment. A healthy person has no need to exert such extensive control because they have sufficient self-worth not to be concerned about the environment about them or if they have not, they have sufficient awareness to realize that there is little that they can do about it. That does not apply to us. Our concerns about being unmasked, our concerns that appliances will not function as we require them to do so results in an incredible need to control the environment and we use lies as the means to achieve that. Lies enable us to gain fuel and thus ensure that the appliances function, lies allow us to appear better than we are so that we are the person we regard ourselves to be, lies allow us to escape liability for the things we say and do – all of these and more amount to control over our environment.
  3. Maintaining a lack of culpability. As mentioned above, by telling lies we can escape the consequences of our words and actions. Our sense of entitlement means we are justified in doing so. Our failure to recognise boundaries means we will tell lies so that we gain admittance somewhere without paying, when we ought to have done so. We will tell lies anywhere to escape repercussions and consequences – to you, to family members, to employers, to service providers, to the authorities and even in court. Some of the largest lies are told in front of the altar during our weddings. Lies are the keys which open all doors allowing us to exit with ease and without consequence.
  4. Habit. Already you can see that there are many different lies which can be told, there are infinite situations in which they can be used and there are many reasons why we tell them. This all amounts to an aggregate effect whereby the compulsion to tell lies is so overwhelming that we being to do it out of habit. It actually feels right to us to lie and to tell the truth becomes uncomfortable, unsettling and alien, thus, since we always prefer the course of least resistance, we will opt to tell the lie and thus we feel at ease again.
  5. The belief in the lie. The Lesser and Mid-Range Narcissists are actually delusional. They do believe the lies that they tell. They are convinced that what they are saying is true and accurate and that is why it is done with such conviction and regularity. This is difficult for those who are not of our kind to grasp, since you believe that we must be able to see and know that we are lying. This is not the case with those two schools of narcissist. The Greater is a different proposition. We do not believe our lies. We know that we are lying. We are not delusional. Those of us who are Greaters tell lies because the lie is an investment in our survival. We have to tell the lie because we need fuel, we need to fulfil our sense of entitlement, break through a boundary, escape a consequence. Our survival depends on it and thus the lie is a necessary mechanism. Free from guilt or remorse, we can know it is a lie and say it with ease.
  6. Perception. What you see may be regarded as the truth but our need to maintain control, superiority and the upper hand, so we are admired, adored, loved and so forth means that we will not recognise the truth because it does not accord with what we require. We in effect become blind to what the truth is, we literally cannot see it because our world view has been altered to such a degree. This is instinctive to all of the schools of narcissism. Owing to their lower cognitive function and their lack of insight, the Lesser and Mid Range Narcissists do not see beyond this altered reality. The Greater can and does realise that there has been this alteration in what he sees but we only see a disadvantage in admitting the truth, therefore the fabrication and the lies become the preference.
  7. Exploitation. Lies are inherently dishonest but with the Greater of our kind in particular we use lies because they exploit our victims into giving us what we want, complying with our demands and providing us those things which we deem to be necessary to our survival. This exploitation is a step above and beyond the usual dishonesty that one associates with the telling of lies.
  8. The playing of games. Again this is usually the preserve of the Greater of our kind but the telling of lies becomes a game to us. The more lies the better. If we tell a lie and you unravel it, we will just tell another one, even though we may contradict ourselves. We do not care for contradiction, after all, we are no liable for the consequences and there are so many different manipulations that can be used to deflect, deny and so forth form what we said only moments ago. The playing of the game entertains us, appeals to our sense of omnipotence and accords with our higher cognitive function. The more elaborate the lie, the greater the sense of achievement that is obtained from its construction and its effects.
  9. Confusion. Telling lies confuses those who hear them especially empathic individuals who are committed to telling the truth, being honest and getting to the truth. A confused victim is one which remains in our grasp for longer.

Lies are an essential part of the toolkit of our kind. You will experience them repeatedly during your entanglement with our kind and to such an extent that it becomes exhausting to try to discern the truth from the morass of lies that is spewed from our mouths.

33 thoughts on “Everything But The Truth

  1. Elisabeth says:

    Your first paragraph is so well written. That is indeed it…the reason why people cannot betray…they think about consequences of their actions resulting in pain in the other person(s)….and that stops them.
    Empathy…the one ingredient many with harmful personality disorders lack….and as it is lacking, they do not feel it and so, even if people they hurt around them are crumbling…they do not get it…and many do not care.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Elisabeth, kind of you to say as such.

  2. Sarah Hope says:

    HG, I love your honesty about having no honesty – but if you have no honesty then is your declaration of no honesty, too a lie?

    I have to agree with SEF, there is a desire to form a basis with truth, if at least from one’s subjective viewpoint – do you personally lie more fuel or control (if you could only choose one to gain with the lie)?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No because I operate to a different matrix in this area.

      The lie is not always about just one thing but a lie can bring about both control and fuel from the same sentence.

      1. Sarah says:

        You do know how to manipulate us just right…infuriating!!!!

      2. Elisabeth says:

        mostly fuel: anger and pain….great….
        Lies do not lost. One will be called out….and than there is hatred…more fuel for you. Nice.

  3. Super Empath Fool says:

    “The belief in the lie”. That is precisely what I have sensed – him telling me some major lies, which he actually believed in or at least seemed to believe in. And I wanted to believe in them so much, so I made myself think they must be true. Even now, when everything is perfectly clear to me, I constantly catch myself thinking “..but he said..”

    1. Sarah says:

      beLIEve…perhaps the lie was within our belief all along…

      1. Super Empath Fool says:

        :0) Great point Sarah! It sure was :0(

  4. Lisa says:

    Lies? Yes! I never could work out the WHY. Frustration plus. He’d lie about what he had for lunch even. EVERYTHING. Because he could. Sent me round the bend for sure. Good read thanks HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Lisa.

    2. Sarah says:

      Agreed, Lisa. I think they practice lies to see if they can get away with it…I mean, why say you ate an apple when really a pear? To devalue your soul and suck our innocence and sense of truth out of us with each perversion to make them stronger, more powerful and in control – Thank you, HG, for elevating our minds to the next level…and taking the control and using it for your divinity against our innocent illusions of weakness…

      1. Lisa says:

        Well said Sarah. Couldnt agree more. Its amazing the lies I got sucked into though. It was like if he told me the exact same story twice, it must be true right? Wrong!

        1. Sarah says:

          Lisa, I was talking to SEF about this, and it’s interesting because the word beLIEf contains the lie within it by it’s own definition. For me, when you separate the lie from the liar, that is where you find truth.

          An apple. No a pear! An apple. No a pear! My stepson and I LITERALLY had this argument two days ago (I’ve been directing his dad to handle more of the important issues as I was “fueling” some of the wrong avenues which was negative and not helping him as a person), but we still will go back and forth on ones like these.

          After 40 minutes, my stepson said: “SARAH, MY APPLE IS YOUR PEAR!!”

          The next day, I went to the store and put red candle apple dip that he likes on the pear and put it in his lunch box. He came home from school and gave me a hug and said, “Thanks for the apple!”

          Really, at the end of the end of the day, it comes down to Fuel as HG tells us. It’s another of my favorite of his works but maybe a good read for you if you don’t like those kind of arguments or try to make sense – some people take them more seriously than others, but it’s an element between my stepson and I that we have in common (:

          Here are the links to Fuel: It’s a great resource and can help make sense of the purpose of the lies:

          US http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B018W7XYZA

          UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B018W7XYZA

          CAN http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B018W7XYZA

          AUS http://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B018W7XYZA

          1. Lisa says:

            Thanks Sarah. Ive just started that one now. 🙂

          2. Sarah says:

            Narcissist’s operate under the premise of fear and control which, as HG, explains, is to secure fuel. I maintain that that attention and interaction from others is not something to be ashamed about, but when Narcissist’s get into the manipulative stages to obtain fuel, that is when the danger alert goes off, but it is hard to pinpoint for me to this day. I am moving to the realization that it will always be difficult to determine because the mindset is just very foreign to my own, but respect HG for laying it out there as he does from his subjective vantage point to guide others. I have applied his methodologies with my stepson and have they have worked – I never even realized it before because it’s not what I define as normal.

  5. DGMB says:

    Ew. 😑

  6. Snow White says:

    I think in my situation it was all about the game. I think she enjoyed every lie she told me. I never questioned her because I was afraid of hurting her and just went along with it. I just thought she was damaged and couldn’t help it.
    When I was on a family vacation she texted me and told me she was saying goodbye because she had been talking to Marine recruits and she was joining the Marines. I was panicked because I really thought I was going to lose my best friend at the time and I spent my whole vacation justifying and explaining to her how much she meant to me. It was all a lie and she took up soo much of my vacation. She got lots of fuel from that and it was an early test I passed. She figured out that when she did anything to hint at her leaving me that I would beg and plead with her not to and we weren’t even intimate then. She used these kinds of lies over and over. Unfortunately they worked.

    1. Sarah says:

      Snow, sometimes it’s exciting to play games. You know, that feeling when your heart races really fast and you get all hot and bothered…it’s called Desire <3 But True love WAITS – you WILL FIND HER but don't sell yourself short in the mean time! Do you think you are ready to let the old one go and try something new? I know you loved her…the chemical romance of seduction…but is your <3 ready to move on?

  7. MLA - Clarece says:

    With obtaining fuel as the constant objective, and balancing your need for positive fuel to counter with negative fuel, is it fair to say that when you are seducing a new primary, the more potent fuel comes from the devalue and conflict you are creating with the predecessor even in the presence of the new IP? The exploitation, the mind games, controlling outcomes to situations? As much as you say you love the part of the seduction because you feel infatuation and consume the admiration, does the chaos that arises from lying and manipulating the predecessor actually help “psyche” you up mentally to brace for faking intimacy with the new partner? In trying to appreciate the driving force of what fuel is to you, if you really struggle and hate closeness, intimacy and touching, I would think in the back of your mind you would take great pleasure with someone new almost as if you were comforted thinking your previous girlfriend would be devastated to not be with you in that way. Then the biggest lie is that you’re always really running from yourself.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes because the potency of the fuel form the devalue will be greater than that coming from the replacement primary as (1) negative fuel outweighs positive fuel for reasons which I have explained previously and (2) the positive fuel is just “getting off the ground” if you will with the replacement. The negative fuel gives us the power to seduce, it fuels the seduction.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        It fuels the seduction for you so that intimacy can be somewhat bearable with the new IP. What if the predecessor has completely gone NC and you can’t extract that potent negative fuel? Are you able to be in the moment with the new person enjoying the seduction phase? Or do you need to manufacture negative fuel then with secondary and tertiary sources to keep you propelled?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If the predecessor goes no contact, we will use fuel from secondary and tertiary sources to assist in locating and embedding a new primary source or if the seduction was in progress when the previous primary source went NC, then to allow the embedding to be completed.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            What is the longest you’ve gone without a line of negative fuel coming in? Does it make you restless if you only have positive fuel coming in for a lengthy period of time? You need that outlet for what’s been repressed subconsciously?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I do not recall because whilst there will be long period of positive fuel from the primary source during the golden period, there will be occasions punctuating that where negative fuel is obtained from secondary and (mainly) tertiary sources. Perhaps a few days. There is always somebody who deserves a put down for being an epsilon semi-moron so it won’t be a long time.
            No it does not make me restless only having positive fuel coming in.

          3. MLA - Clarece says:

            True, A-holes needing a good tongue lashing abound everywhere.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Clarece! Curb your lascivious mind!

          5. MLA - Clarece says:

            Uh-oh, off to the naughty step for me!

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Have you actually been allowed off it from last time though?

          7. MLA - Clarece says:

            I most certainly have been and in fact I was agreeing with you on morons needing an occasional knock down. Gold Star for Clarece! haha Nothing lewd or offensive about that. I see you with your “lascivious” mind woke up on the smut side of the bed. Wonder how that happened? lol

  8. Amazing insight and information. Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Walter, welcome and thank you.

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