Raising the Hoover Bar

 

raising-the-hoover-bar

 

The hoover. It is one of the most discussed periods of the narcissistic entanglement. I am referring to it in the traditional sense, namely the three post-discard/escape hoovers, although as you will be aware from my works, there are other hoovers throughout the interaction between us and you.

There are most likely two reasons for the post discard/escape hoover being a prime topic of discussion. First, by the time you have worked out what you are dealing with you will have already experienced the seduction, devaluation and discard/escape. The post discard/escape hoover is what is occupying you now because it may have happened recently, is ongoing, or you anticipate it happening. The second reason is that the possibility of ongoing interaction with us continues to fascinate you and thus the post discard/escape hoover becomes the focus of much of your attention.

I have explained previously that if the Initial Grand Hoover has taken place and failed (this hoover being caused by your escape) then you will face follow-up hoovers thereafter, of a benign and/or malign nature. Their catalyst is whether you enter our spheres of influence through something you have done (spheres one to five) or the fact you have just entered out mind for some reason (sphere six). If you have entered a sphere of influence, we always consider (though dependent on the nature of your type of narcissist the degree of consideration varies considerably) whether a hoover could be effected. There are certain hurdles which will either prevent that hoover from taking place or reduce the likelihood of it taking place. These hurdles may well raise the bar so it is less likely that the Hoover Execution Criteria are met, meaning it is less likely you will suffer a hurdle. Knowing what these factors are and how we regard them is crucial in formulating your defences to maintain No Contact.  What, then,  are those hurdles?

  1. Your Whereabouts

If we do not know where to find you so that we can appear face to face and look to garner some excellent Proximate Fuel by turning up at your home, your work or somewhere else you frequent this naturally poses a considerable problem to us. A Greater Narcissist will apply some effort to ascertaining your whereabouts, a Lesser is unlikely to do much at all. Accordingly, as part of building your defences the necessity of changing where you can be physically found not only pays dividends in commencing No Contact but affecting the likelihood of a later hoover.

  1. Your Accessibility

In a similar vein we need to be able to contact you. If we do not have a physical place to either attend, drive past, leave or note or send a gift, then we will look to access you through electronic means. If we know your telephone number, we are far more likely to hoover or if we have a means of contacting you through an app or on social media. If you have effected a media blackout and managed to sustain it, the prospects of a hoover happening are vastly reduced.

  1. Gullibility of Friends and Family

We may have a lieutenant in your ranks already. If so, the prospects of being hoovered are increased as we will have them lined-up to leak to us where we can find you and how we can contact you. Even if there is no lieutenant, if there is the prospect for a hoover we (or one of our lieutenants) will approach people in your camp to gather this information. It is often done under a separate auspice – there may be an emergency, some post has arrived we need to pass on, there is something confidential to relay to you – and if your family and friends are trusted with contact information their susceptibility to releasing this information is important. Bear in mind several months may have passed and if a lieutenant approaches your parents or a friend, they may not be alert to the danger. If those who might have your contact information remain impregnable then the hoover prospects are diminished.

  1. Happy and Contented

If you are demonstrating (to the outside world at least) that you are happy and contented, then this will affect the hoover prospects. Generally speaking we expect you to still be pining for us and miserable. This is regarded as a condition which is fertile ground for a successful hoover. If we are aware that you are moving forward, you rarely mention us, you appear generally happy and content then the Lesser and Mid-Range of our kind will be less likely to attempt a hoover. This is because they may be easily rebuffed and even though you may do so in a pleasant way, the fuel gained will be minimal. You should be aware however that a Greater will regard you as a prospect to break and therefore will not be dissuaded by seeing you happy and content alone.

  1. A New Interest

If you happen to have moved on to somebody new, which of course is dependent on the passage of time and other factors, then again a Lesser or a Mid-Range is less likely to hoover. The prospect of being rebuffed and thus wounded through criticism will prove too great a risk to them. They will feel criticised already by knowing you are with someone new when you should be holding a torch and pining for them and they are likely to regard the hoover as too risky, with the prospect for no fuel and further wounding. This will not apply to the Greater Narcissist. We are more likely to apply a malign follow-up hoover and lash out at you and your new partner to get a double fuel strike.

  1. Your Fuel Potential

You will have been an excellent source of fuel at some point, that is why you were chosen and ensnared, but that changed. The reason hoover fuel is so potent is that you will have recovered to some extent from what has happened to you, you will want to see us or be relieved that we have come back for you (not always but often) and most of all the fact that we have abused you and yet we can still entice you either to start the Formal Relationship again or even to provide fuel shows how powerful we are and thus adds to the potency of the fuel. If you are a super empath or a co-dependent you will be a prime prospect for hoovering. However, if we regard you as still badly crippled by what we did to you so that you have been in effect numbed so that your emotional output is muted or deadened, this will affect whether a hoover will take place. In such circumstances a proxy hoover may take place so a lieutenant can scope you out. Or you may (if circumstances allow) receive a paving the way message which is not a hoover in itself but rather a way of seeing how the land lies to then decide whether a hoover attempt should be made.

  1. Your Knowledge

If we are aware that you know what we are or have information which could be damaging to us in the form of amounting to a serious criticism this will lessen the likelihood of a hoover. Whilst a Lesser has no awareness of what he or she is, if you do know and you keep making mention of it and adapting your behaviour accordingly, he or she will at least sense there is little fuel to be gained and/or the risk of criticism. Similarly, a Mid-Range will realise that there is something “off” with the situation and think very carefully before being exposed to less fuel and/or criticism. The Greater is not concerned by your knowledge of what he is. He will deny it and look to manipulate the situation to his advantage to draw further fuel, but he will be concerned by anything that could cause criticism.

  1. The Façade

This carefully constructed and maintained device which we use to repeated effect against you is important. Not only do we use it against you but it will be used against other victims and those who help create the façade provide us with fuel. We do not want this to be damaged or fractured in anyway. If we ascertain that there is a risk of this happening if we hoover you (for instance you have damning evidence of our behaviour which could be circulated if we engage with you) then we will not want the façade damaged by such exposure and accordingly the prospect of a hoover happening will be diminished.

  1. Energy levels

If you enter our sphere of influence when energy levels are lower as a consequence of lower fuel provision, then the hoover may be regarded as not worth the effort. If, however there is easy accessibility and the prospective fuel gain is considered to be significant then even low energy levels would not be a dissuading factor but if there are other factors as above in place which would prove difficult then when we have low energy levels this makes us less inclined to want to perform the hoover. This situation may arise where we are still embedding a new primary source after your escape or we may not have one yet and we are reliant on fuel from primary sources. If the hoover is perceived as having hurdles and energy levels are low, even though you may have entered a sphere of influence, we may look elsewhere for fuel and not engage in a hoover.

  1. The Type of Narcissist

 

The particular type we are has a bearing also. The Lesser will be looking for easy gains, low-hanging fruit and immediate results. The immediacy is important. Lacking the calculation of the Mid-Range and Greater, he will be inclined to hoover if you are in near reach even if there are other hoovers because he is unable to control his thirst for hoover fuel. He will however risk being rebuffed and this will in turn ignite his fury causing him to lash out at you with potential repercussions. If the Lesser does not see an immediate opportunity he will move on. He is akin to an opportunist burglar. The Mid-Range will put a little more effort and planning in but will be cautious in his approach, mindful of the potential repercussions and therefore a few hurdles will put him off. He may apply a little effort to consideration but it does not take too much to cause him to move on. The Greater will need considerable hurdles to prevent a hoover happening when a sphere of influence has been penetrated. If he knows there is very potent hoover fuel he will apply considerable effort, like a well-planned heist, to get those jewels.

These factors need to be taken in consideration with one another to determine the likelihood or not of a hoover happening once the sphere of influence has been penetrated.

0
Advertisements

22 thoughts on “Raising the Hoover Bar”

  1. Ohhhh, HG …. Brilliant brilliant brilliant — felt hand-written to me and my situation — learning to see the world through your kind’s mind is fascinating and medicinal — but as you likely know, we super-empath / codependents also possess an odd yet strong ‘thrill-seeker’ trait and it is so tempting to summon and refuse all these hoovers you describe in recent posts and in your amazing books … just enough tampering with to steal back some precious moments of golden period yet know enough to observe not feel and apply what you’ve taught us to quietly escape again before the malign Hoover hits and catches us off guard with crushing fury … Playing with hoovers is a foolish yet thrill-seeking game of chance we will never win — but it’s fascinating to experience now that we’re aware of what’s really going on!

    0
    1. Totally relate to you FfL. You can beat them you know. I sense from what you said that you have what it takes too. I told the last one (during Hoover #4 or so) I found a better narcissist to learn from and I didn’t need him anymore. I literally felt the rage through my phone and haven’t heard from him since. He might be back again, but I feel nothing for him and send him into hiding every time. To me that’s winning. And now I’m bored…

      0
      1. Amen. I HAVE to see my ex every other weekend because we have kids. But I always make sure I look my best and show no emotion towards him. Then at some point I get all kinds of texts meant to hurt me and I ignore it completely but it gives me satisfaction to know it is driving him crazy. He deserves worse but I know it will never happen so I take my little wins when I get them.

        0
  2. I love how you title this Mr. Tudor. It is important to raise the bar, make it difficult, and not simply roll over and present yourself on a silver platter. I love living in my fairytale and rose colored land. Its quite beautiful here with rainbows and unicorns. I entered into my last relationship with the same light happy-go-lucky zest for life. I assume this way of thinking is annoying to your kind. Because my narc slowly laid waste to my candyland turning it into Chernobyl.
    It took a while for me to rebuild post-discard. But I did. The sun now shines, birds sing, and I dance with the animals of the forest in my Disney cartoon. And yet my narc lurks, hiding in the shadows, occasionally popping his head up…
    I wish I could invite him back into my world. I wish he really was my prince (my king) and we could live happily ever after. But I know he hates it here. He hates all this light, the laughter, the fluffy clouds, and the sugar plums dancing. I understand he only hoovers to once again annihilate my world. It saddens me but I have to raise my bar, and avoid the 5 spheres.

    0
    1. Well said, Love. I miss my narc friend, too. But I can’t go back. It’s really sad. Like you I need dancing plums and unicorns. Beauty. Life. No more engaging in pointless conflicts designed to make us bleed. Creation trumps destruction. You rock!

      0
  3. Well said, Fuel for Love. Yes, I am aware of my thrill seeking nature. I both desire a hoover and dread it. When I think of him, I am filled with anxiety and panic. I can’t believe someone can have that kind of power over me. I shall overcome this!

    0
    1. It is. You need to increase your knowledge and then be able to apply it. The best way of achieving this will be to read my work and in particular Devil’s Toolkit, Black Flag, Escape, No CONTACT, Smeared and Black Hole.

      0
  4. Thank you for this. You know what just hit me? You are sort of like those information campaigns from the governments, you know when they have a picture of “This happens to you if you smoke”, on cigarette packs. 🙂 Every time I read something here about hoovers and how very emotion-less the narcissist is about me, it helps me in reminding myself why I must stay away. I may have been his most reliable source of fuel but fuel is all it ever was for him. What annoys me to no end is that I know he (in his arrogance) thinks he can waltz back in whenever he feels like it. Right now he has a lot of sources on dating sites but those never seem to work out, long term…

    I feel extremely sure that he will at some point come begging for us to get back together. Am bracing myself for that day. Have promised myself to come here and read your posts about hoovering and fuel. I can not live in denial when I read your texts. Thank you. 🙂 Be well. 🌸😊

    0
  5. The sphere of influence for the mid is the anniversary that’s approaching.😊The lesser is at bay due to the injury inflicted at last visit. I am contemplating posting a ad with his seductive pictures on his public site. All his funders , government officials, and mentors go there. It’s been dormant since the last exposure. Of course, I befriended him with an alias on the site and true to self he asked for my phone number after a few weeks of me liking his posts.😁 Got him… He flat lined for months. Ignored my hoover and now boom.. It’s all good until it’s not. The means aren’t worth the end for some.

    0
  6. Did the one you hoovered by my supposed inspiration (comment about a song being good until they opened their mouth and started singing) respond? Did she realize she was being hoovered?

    No further contact from N2. I’m assuming he was pinging the radar and has since moved on. Yay.

    0
  7. Well? Intervention Order has finally been served!! Yay!! HG, do you think that sinse this has been done, he (GN) will stay away and forget the hoover now? All the letters in the mail, (3-4 per week), the texts, the physical stuff (literally). There is a 50 metre non approach distance on the order, with a jail term of up to 2 years should he breach it. Please tell me this will be enough to finally make a difference!? I know he see’s himself above the Law on most levels, but this, surely this, he cannot escape. TIA, as always.

    0
  8. What does it mean if you deliberately want to create a hoover trigger, via text or email but you are met with silence?

    0
    1. 1. You may be blocked which means we have deleted you (for the time being) as we focus elsewhere;
      2. You are not blocked but we are focusing on someone else at the current time.

      0

Leave a Reply