Riposte Grenades





There are occasions when you have been on the receiving end of one of our conversational narc grenades which has been thrown at you as we then walk away from the ensuing carnage, sucking up the fuel and marvelling at our own brilliance. There will of course been times when you wished that you had something which you could lob at us in order to make some kind of impact, a comment or a gesture which does not take much effort but manages to land a blow on us. The problem is, until such time as you have received the benefit of my mentoring I should imagine that your responses to your particular narcissist have been along these lines:-

Shouting and hurling insults at us as you lose your temper

Crying as you call us as many names as you can think of

Throwing something at us with a yell of frustration

Banging a door shut in annoyance

Telling us what you think about us as you bristle with anger

Of course as avid students you will know that all of these responses and more besides have no impact on us other than to provide us with fuel. You can call me as many insults as you can think of but if you do it as you scream at the top of your voice in anger or with tears spilling down your cheeks, the savage words merely fuel me. Now, for the purpose of extracting more fuel and providing me with something to go and complain about to other people (thus gaining more fuel and smearing you into the bargain) I will provoke you even further. Once you have lost yourself to emotion, we will keep pushing, prodding and provoking in order to make you deliver even more fuel to us. We will feign that we are hurt, we will pretend to be angry in response, we may even mimic being frightened of you. It is all fabricated and is just designed to draw more fuel. Accordingly, you should not respond in this fashion. Instead, when deploying these ripostes, you must do so without showing any emotion. If you do, the intended effect will fail. If you do these without expressing any emotion you will not provide and fuel and the effect will be that we will feel criticised and this will wound us. Be aware that when wounded our fury will be ignited. This may mean we withdraw, we may unleash a cold fury (silent treatment) or a heated fury (insults, violence) and therefore you should proceed with caution. You are best performing these ripostes when you are departing so you are leaving your own empathic riposte grenade behind to explode and wound us. In some instances, departure may not be possible and therefore you need to consider carefully the type of narcissist you are with and their likely reaction to criticism. Caveat out of the way, here are the ten critical ripostes for you to use against your narcissist.

  1. Point and Laugh

Point at us and give a hollow laugh. A slow, hollow laugh which is repeated will provide no emotion. Alternatively, point and just say “HAW ha” in an exaggerated manner, akin to the Simpsons’ character, Nelson Muntz. We will not know why you are laughing and the fact you are pointing at us but giving what is a derisory laugh will feel like a significant criticism to us.

  1. “You are big on emotion, low on substance.”

We like to think we are important and of considerable substance. You are the emotional one, not us, even though of course we are the ones which thrive on your emotional attention. To suggest we are emotional (when of course we have a limited range of emotions) implies that we lack control. To suggest we have no substance (which hints at our need to adopt the characteristics of others and also impugns our importance) adds to the criticism. The Lesser will be wounded by the suggestion of being emotive and unimportant, The Greater, knowing what he is will be wounded by the massive hint at knowing what we are, alongside the suggestion of lacking control and lacking importance. A double whammy.

  1. Feign sleep when we are talking

There is no emotion in closing your eyes and emitting a gentle snoring as you are sat down or lying down and we embark on one of our lengthy monologues. Once we realise you are not paying attention the criticism will wound.

  1. “I have to be elsewhere.”

If this is said without emotion you are telling us that our presence is not magnetic and commanding enough. Make your exit and leave us to our ignited fury at this wounding remark.

  1. “Jim has one only his is better.”

Useful for when we are crowing about some material possession. “Jim” may be somebody known to us both or you may make him up, the key thing is to point out that whatever we have, then “Jim’s” is better. It may be that his is a nicer colour, or his if larger, faster, more spacious, tougher, more durable. Whatever it is it will wound us. You can even keep rolling out the fictional Jim on repeated occasions and it will soon dent our crowing and have us wounded.

  1. “I wasn’t listening; can you repeat what you said please?”

You should always be listening to us. We are important. Any suggestion that you are not amounts to a criticism and if you actually tell us that you were not doing so, then it is even worse.

  1. Fall asleep when we are having sex with you

To impugn our Olympic sexual mastery in this way is a massive criticism. It need not be full sexual intercourse either. If you are touching us, drift off or vice versa. Best used with a Mid-Range as they tend to go off in a wounded sulk rather than erupt in a rage.

  1. “It is just not that interesting to me.”

Any suggestion that we are dull or boring when we are demonstrating something to you or regaling you with our latest tale of brilliance will constitute a wounding criticism.

  1. “Let me know when you have finished.”

This can be applied to so many different activities. We expect you to either be a willing and enthusiastic participant or a delighted spectator. If you make this remark when we are showing off about something and then walk away we will be wounded by this criticism.

  1. “No that does not make sense.”

Remember how frustrated you become at our circular conversations and inability to understand the point you are making? Well, this is your chance to turn the tables. You probably do understand but by suggesting we are not articulating ourselves clearly when delivered without emotion will amount to a criticism. We may try and explain again. If so repeat the comment. You can then walk away as our fury ignites and no doubt we insult you for being stupid and thick but who is the one who has just been wounded?

22 thoughts on “Riposte Grenades

  1. B says:

    Hey HG do you think you will ever have children? Or perhaps should I ask…If you found an outstandingly excellent fuel source/appliance which you believed had a heck of a lot to offer you, would you be inclined to bind them to you via the way of a baby? Or is a child not something you would ever want? Just reading Ollie’s comment made me wonder about you and the whole co-parenting situation…..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would be able to bind them through other means. That is the beauty of being a Greater.
      Children get in the way. Or am I just repeating what MatriNarc used to say?

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Say what you will HG. Yes, children would get in the way for you. But you have shown really responsible restraint. Somewhere along the line it could have been tempting with the right person to have a baby and view that little human as a new appliance and merely an extension of yourself to subject to all that you do. But you didn’t. Not to a child. For that you should be applauded.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well I appreciate your comment Clarece but I am on that side of the narcissistic fence that regards children as getting in the way of what I wish to achieve and would detract from the spotlight for me so in honesty it was not a hard decision to make, but I shall take your applause with grace nevertheless.

      2. B says:

        Well obviously you were bothersome to her HG, I mean…she had a lot of other things to do, other priorities and such yes?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed B and of course we got in the way in terms of enabling her to do precisely what she wanted.

  2. Oh love them all HG

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Alexis.

  3. Ollie says:

    Great article, have done a few of these as falling asleep during one of his rages…
    Pretty new to the site, and trying to work my way trhough the articles, but what is Grey Rock exaclty?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Ollie and welcome on board. Grey Rock is where one must have dealings with a narcissist (e.g. through work, a connection through shared parenting) and therefore you endeavour to give no fuel (no emotional reactions) to the narcissist and minimise these interactions as much as possible.

      1. Ollie says:

        Thanks for elaborating. That’s a hard one, especially since he uses the kids as tools in his manipulating games against me. I’ve come to the conclusion that there really is no such thing as co-parenting when dealing with a N.
        Being new here I have to say your articles are so spot on and are helping me a lot to see things clearer and create a sense of calm. I’m just going to keep on reading and learning…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you Ollie, reading is the key to understanding which is the key to freedom, so do stick around.

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Ha! Yep I remember this one. He was way criticized when I told him I was numb while we were not quite having sx. He probably would have wished I fell asleep instead. He kept saying numb, eh and giving this strange laugh. Hawhaw.

  5. Julia D'Alo says:

    Great fucking article, why didn’t I know about you 2 months ago ;((((((

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Julia, you do know, that is what matters.

  6. B says:

    Hahaha what an excellent post! I have done all of these and yep they work a treat. Great for a laugh, especially the point and laugh one. Oh yes and the violent outbursts, lame insults and then the old predictable silent treatment follow. Have learnt now never to do a few of these things when in my place or when he is holding drink or food. Now he ends up smashing his own stuff and I just laugh even more!!
    A good one I’ve found is when they have become violent and cannot own their bad behaviour instead blaming you for it…”this is your fault, if you had of just shut your mouth and not antagonized me none of this would of happened. You made me do it.’…A response I enjoy is…’oh so what you’re saying is that you have no control over your own body and actions? Are you suggesting that I am that powerful that I can control you just by saying some words? Wow, I must be pretty damn awesome. Thanks!!”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thanks B and yes that is a good response as the suggestion of us lacking power and control would be wounding as well, just ensure it is said without providing fuel and be mindful of the manifestation of the ignited fury.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Love that B!

  7. MLA - Clarece says:

    Does this list represent the path your IP’s have gone when you felt their fuel was diminishing and you started the devalue phase? For example your hobbies became less interesting to them over time when you would try to talk about them.
    Except for No. 7. I cannot fathom that happening to you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Largely they did not adopt these steps, instead, as part of providing insight, I have detailed those things that would wound.

  8. CB says:

    Yeah. Grey Rock is best. But these suggestions are great.
    Thank you, HG!

  9. Seduced says:

    I wouldn’t be able to be that mean! only going grey rock I could ever achive…

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