Each Victim Is Lying
I must adopt the standpoint that every one of my victims is lying. There is no hope for me to be any different. You level accusations at me and I know you are lying because the comments make no sense to me. I gave you a fabulous and perfect love and you accepted that. You willingly entered into a union with me and with that you received my largesse and favour. You did not demur or hesitate. Instead, you embraced everything wonderful about what I gave you. Be it the expensive gifts, eloquent expressions of my love or the seemingly never-ending array of glamorous occasions to attend, you took them all. Do you have any idea how much energy I channelled into doing this for you? The repeated text messages, the “sudden appearances” which were in fact carefully crafted and organised, the many telephone calls that I made to you at all different times? All of that took a considerable effort on my part. Yet now, when I am tired and I lose my temper you accuse me of not caring. How can I not care? I am with you am I not? Have you forgotten everything that I ever did for you? It seems to me that you have. What was that vow you said with such enthusiasm, for better and for worse? You have had the better (in fact you received the best) and now it is time for some of the worse, yet you will not tolerate that will you? No, it is clear that you lied. You lied when we got married because now you are reneging on that vow. How do you think that makes me feel? Is it any surprise that I am angry with you when you question me since you have no standing to do so?
You accuse me of not listening. That is another lie. What is there for me to hear? You trot out the same old allegations which are unfounded. At times I cannot discern what you are actually saying because you are so hysterical. How on earth can I listen to you when you behave like that? It is downright unreasonable. You go off and complain about me to your friends and family. That is charming. You are denigrating me in their eyes and that is uncalled for. Yes, I may do it about you, but that is with some justification I might add. You also said you would forsake all others, yet how many times have I caught you flirting with other men from your workplace? What about those pictures of you and your friends with those men you met in a bar which were posted on Facebook. You thought I would not see them didn’t you? Yes, I keep a careful eye on what your friends’ post as they are not to be trusted, leading you astray when you promised that you would do not. Is it any wonder I feel compelled to spend time with other people when you treat me like this?
You accepted everything wonderful that I gave you and now when it is time to give back and add some balance to the equation you seek to escape your responsibilities by accusing me of all manner of misdemeanours and malevolent behaviour. Your hypocrisy sticks in my craw. I know your game, I have you in my eye. You are seeking to deflect attention from your own wrongdoing by telling lies about me. Ha! I have you worked out missy, I always have and you are not as smart as me. You deliberately misunderstand what I say. You imply and insinuate when I have made myself clear. I will not be beaten by your mendacity, no I will not. I will stand strong and ensure that I reflect back on to you the lies you have told. I must do this to avoid your desire to crush and destroy my fragile self with your perfidious ways. I never knew you could be so evil.
11 thoughts on “Each Victim Is Lying”
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Narcy just called me ‘fake’, ‘a liar’ and ‘useless’ – and even ‘anti-intellectual’. I was a liar because – i’m not a ‘homeless orphan’ (he built a constant and increasing wall of stacked hyperbole) – but have a functioning life that he feared was better than his (projected fears of failure) – or that he couldn’t compete with it and therefore dominate me. Me having any kind of status was upsetting to him. Once i was wearing a cute dress early in the relationship and he stared at the wall and told me that he was a jealous man. Later he had sex with me then told me to leave right afterwards. I walked to the door feeling dejected and he went and kissed me in a ‘cutsie way’ which seemed abit macabre, saying we’d see each other soon.
I fell for his intensity, his self-esteem struggles seemed romantic especially because he was tall and good looking, until i realised how inflexible and brutish it made him.
Accusing you of lying all the time, is just a default anti-intimacy stance – performed for the effect of creating distance and superiority through confusion and punishment, to ‘get a fuel response’ – but also stems from real issues to do with an inability to trust and empathise. We lie because we are ‘a lie’ – our existence isn’t real, the fuel we deliver becomes tainted with their own projections. They must keep a controlled distance and they do that through devaluing you.
Once i shared something really good that happened to me, he said “This doesn’t change anything”.
Spooky narcissism indeed.
Can a narc tell when his victim is lying to them?
Not always.
Ding ding ding ding ding!!!!!!! All the bells going off on this one HG. The Vows bit got to me. Who was the one that lied all the way through those? Wasnt me! And….he never bought me an expensive gift in his life! Try, the other way round…..
Thanks HG. Trigger material but good read.
You are welcome Lisa.
Is narcissism pure PTSD? Seems like narcissists are in a constant hypervigilance state to detect any threat to their egos. They want to avoid the initial trauma (put downs, rejection, feelings of shame, insecurity and hopelessness?) at any cost and they have developped an addiction to power (through the construct, the manipulation and the abuse), just like any other substance addiction, to cope with the whole thing. So no wonder they see themselves as victims.
What do you think HG?
No I do not regard it as being PTSD, there are different facets to NPD and PTSD but I understand where you are coming from.
Sounds so familiar… again…
Narcs are snidey and will take your life apart for “loving them”.
Then they’ll smear your reputation and convince everyone that they are the victims!!
It’s like entering another realm where everything is insane and unfair and we just have to “cop it”….
I cried today! Imploring God for an end to this despair. I want to sleep without him in my dreams, enjoy carefree days without him in every thought, hear music without it reminding me of him, go to places without memories of us and most importantly feel love again for a normal human being and not feel for him anymore 😞
But that’s wishful thinking…. I’m infected. It’s too late.
Any wise words HG? Xx
Fight the infection. It is entirely understandable where you are at, but you can tackle it. Exorcism is the book for you.
Interesting perspective, HG. Like any other relationship, it seems narcs and empaths need to manage each others expectations and our experiences show we are always failing in doing it. Both sides, I must say. But like you said once, we cannot know what you are expecting from us. Maybe is it because there’s a lack of transparency? I believe a narc is unable to be transparent, for all reasons you have taught us. Is that correct?