The Narcissistic Truths – No. 68

i-ignore-you-so-you-want-me-more

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32 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 68”

  1. We know smoking is bad for us and we still do it. Everyday there’s someone willing to tap dance with the devil.

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  2. It worked over and over and over again.
    This one worked so well on me.
    If I would have only known that that was manipulation.
    If someone pulls that again I won’t look back.

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  3. How does your kind have this all figured out? The ignoring me is working. I miss him. I wonder how long until it goes away and I feel that I don’t care and I can move on.

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    1. Largely through instinct because of how we have been designed in order to enable us to survive. With the Greater of our kind, there is also conscious calculation to increase our efficacy.

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  4. Actually, the more attention he gives to me, the MORE I want him. The more he ignores me, the more I dissociate from him and I break my attachment to him. But, that’s just me and how I have always been.

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  5. And so begins the vile and intoxicating addiction to the release of dopamine surging that wave of pleasure at the relief when you hear from them again during a respite… into the peptides of your cells. You can’t just break up with these kind. You need to withdraw and detox.

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    1. Sometimes death doesn’t even break the spell. It can actually cause a more complex dynamic between the narcissist and empath.
      Think of the way ptsd rewires the brain. It has been proven in mri that when experienced trauma is talked about the patient will show on the scan 3 areas lit up. One is where the brain actually relives the event, the blood pressure and sympathetic nervous system reacts. The broca region which is speech shuts down, the patient can’t talk about it. They have to fight the brain to do it. 3 the 10th cranial nerve which is triggered by emotions effects the esophageal, stomach, heart and colon will over fire. The person will feel their heart race or drop or they will actually throw up or get diherrea. That nerve is connected to fight flight freeze area of the brain. The patient actually mentally and physically is impacted. You literally relive the traumas. This is why people have a hard time detoxing from the Narc. The panic and anxiety that is felt is real to that person when they go over it in their mind. Interestingly though, some people who dissociate, will have a blank mri. Nothing is firing. The people who can do this literally shut off. The need to replicate the trauma is seen in patients, especially those that were in a traumatic state for a long period of time, such as war or even daily living in an abusive environment. They feel more attached to the re-creation and will go to it as a means of comfort. This is why soldiers of war will often want to be around other milatary people and identify with these ones who had the same experience as them. This is why HG and his blog is effective. People gather here with like situations, they feel that HG and others understand them. HG is also in his element because he derives fuel and gets to engage with all varieties of empath. Withdraw and detox is the correct thing to do. The problem is getting the brain rewired to not replicate the trauma.

      Btw the information I reiterated was from a book entitled “The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the healing of Trauma” by Bessel Van der Kolk, M.D.

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      1. I read that book too! Lots of information applicable here with PTSD and also the attachment disorders discussed between mother / main caretaker and child.

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    2. so true, Clarece.

      And somehow they pave the way for eachother. Because we do get over the N … when we happen upon the next N. It is always the latest one we cannot get over. We have forgotten about the older ones.

      Next time: Time for a nicer guy.

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      1. That would make a great supplemental blog to this one for everyone to have a point of reference on navigating the first relationship post Narc with a well-adjusted nice guy, when you feel you have a big gaping hole in your heart. Lol

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    3. Great post!! I was going to bring this up. A therapist had told me its not just psychological its also on a physiological level and involves chemcals in the brain. Its like a rush. When u dont hear from them u feel that withdrawal and it is painful. Its esp painful if you also suffer from a disorder like bpd borderline. It really hits u to the core.
      In my relationship he does something covertly upsetting and i tend to go into silent mode. Partly bc im hurt and need time to recover and partly bc i just dont want to be around him. If he was a well adjusted person i could discuss how i feel which ive tried many times. He comes back sympathetic and apologizes but i know its not heartfelt bc he does something else later to get back at me bc hes angry at having to do that even tho it wasnt genuine. He feels he has every right to hurt me and i have no right to be upset and def no right to stand up for myself. I do stand up for me tho not bc i think itll make a difference to him but for ME. Ill hang on to my self respect. Leaving would be the best option but i dont want to bc i do enjoy a lot about him despite his disorder. It sounds crazy but i do.
      Back to the silent treatment tho youre so right it is much deeper than just psychological or thoughts. Thoughts in turn can release chemicals and affect the physiological functions of our brajn. Like a drug addict.
      Im really thankful i met my narc bc its helped me learn so much about myself.
      Silent treatment does hurt and they do use it to punish. Very covet tactic. If u decide to keep a narc in your life learn how to cope and detach from them. Almost like becoming an abserver instead of an active participant and know its not personal they do it to manyyyy others. Its what they feel works for them

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  6. I’ve always used this one too (only with people who did it with me).

    Why HG, does it work on the Ns too esp when they knowingly use it as a tactic?

    Because for me as I realised early on this is a game people play. I always accepted they’d reply when they were good and ready so have never sent more than one text to await a response.

    But this drives the Ns crazy when you do it to them? But they know this too right?

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    1. It depends on the type of narcissist and the point at which this happens. To ignore us is to criticise us and thus we are wounded. Do this during seduction and we are likely to keep pressing, the prize of fuel too great to let go, but keep ignoring us and we will be forced elsewhere. Ignore us when we devalue you and we will push to draw negative fuel from you through out ignited fury. If this fails, the Lesser and the Mid-Range will break off, withdraw and seek fuel elsewhere to heal the wound. The Greater will push harder until even he must break off. Similar considerations apply when we hoover post escape/discard.

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  7. But you guys aren’t left alone with your thoughts while you ignore us. Because you always go to other supply. You never want to be one minute without the feeling of supply.
    Hm.
    I feel so mature and grown-up in comparison 🙂

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  8. Hate being ignored, sets up the crazy craving, separation anxiety, vast amounts of tension. I suppose we just still have to go with it until it fades, which I hope it will. Definitely moving from the golden phase, no verbal abuse but ignoring my very limited messages. I refuse to be conditioned into phoning and being ” worried” about him. Gut wrenching but that is all it is. I’m not dead yet! I hate this ” I will phone you tomorrow” and then not phoning at all. Done it around eight times now. Why say it? To set up the expectation and to drop me, is more fun for him, more fuel. Is he really that much of a shit HG?

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    1. Subject to where it fits with the narcissistic cycle HOF. If you go no contact when you escape, we will apply ourselves in a near frenzied manner to get you back. If you are discarded and go no contact, we will be preoccupied with the new primary source. Later on, when that person is being devalued, the interest in your looms once again.

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  9. Do you consider the Silent Treatment and Ignoring us the exact same thing. HG?
    How about when we go No Contact to your kind?
    Are the Narcissists thinking we’re giving them a temporary dose of their own Silent Treatments?
    What prompts your kind to realized we’ve gone No Contact Forever – vs us ignoring you, or going temporarily silent on you?

    (Thank you for deciphering my confusing question. As always, I am fascinated by your kind and eager to learn.)

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  10. Oh yeah?

    I screw you for leaving without notice, and then say goodbye to you

    You then hurl a lasso to keep me trapped, and then I cut it off with the blade of ignorance; in turn you get aggressive with me leaving, then POOF! I block you!

    After blocking you, you ghost on my profile using a different source of yours,,

    So officially, I WON!

    YOU LOSE!!

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