A Glimpse of the Future

 

a-glimpse-of-the-future

 

It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner of even by way of denial.

“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”

“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”

“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”

“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”

If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.

“I did warn you.”

“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”

“I told you so.”

“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”

“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”

Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.

With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.

  1. I am a bad person really.
  2. I will only hurt you.
  3. You should stay away from me.
  4. I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
  5. I will make you wish you had never met me.
  6. It will go wrong, it always does.
  7. You will end up hating me.
  8. You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
  9. You shouldn’t do this.
  10. You should leave while you can.
  11. This is going to turn out badly.
  12. I have to hurt people.
  13. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
  14. I just want to fit in.
  15. I’m not what you think I am.
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16 thoughts on “A Glimpse of the Future”

  1. “If I were you, I’d run and never turn back.” after first relapse in drink. I thought it was shame and low self esteem from lapse n recovery.

    But then he also said “you are not going to break my heart, are you?” With this kinda fake sniffle…it was notable to me because it was in the first month and to me it was strange ….again, I though “awwww” he needs a self esteem boost. I still think it was partially true. But perhaps it was a warning glimpse too and I responded to his liking. A test.

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    1. Indy i had similiar sarcastic smug comments. In a nutshell…passive aggressive. They get resentful when u stand up for yourself and will say things double meanings. It leaves u wondering if youre misreading them but youre not. Go with your gut instinct. Also passive aggressive is just as if not mlre abusive than overt abuse. It just flies under the radar

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      1. Hi Adele,
        Yeah, I’m getting more and more in touch with my gut again. I left him 5 months ago and remaining single for a while to work on me and build strength. I think the messages I quoted were tests and pity ploys to see how far he could go with me. And he also was very passive aggressive for sure! His most effective weapon against me were the combo of pity ploys, nice masks, and gaslighting to extreme. I learned a lot though. Yes, it was abuse! I thought I was loosing my mind. Glad to be out! Are you still tangled or are you free from the relationship?

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    2. Hi indy
      Im still in it. Its been very complex. I think im not in discard mode but put aside as we pretend nothings changed. Im also working on myself so i can leave once and for all. Its unfortunate bc i really do like spending time with him but hes disrespecting me and i deserve more. Too much has happened thru the yrs and i want more out of life. I want happiness and contentment 🙂
      Best of luck to you on your narc free journey!

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      1. Oh Adele,
        Keep reading and getting information here. I remember going through that confusing phase, when I first came to HG’s Facebook site and read his books I was still in the mix and confused back in May. I wasn’t blogging then, just gathering info. I loved m ex n very much, the good times. However, like a good drug dealer, he gave me respites less and less often over time and longer times of neglect, gaslighting and push pull. That intermittent reinforcement had me hooked for a long time and I was confused from all the mental manipulation. It took me some time reading here, about two months, and lots of talking with therapists and friends and family. After reading HGs books departure imminent, exorcism, and escape I Drew a line in the sand, told my friends to hold me to it, and finally left July 4. My independence day. Be patient with yourself and continue building strength. You have lots of support here 😊💜

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  2. Great post and i always wondered why early on and throughout he’d drop the mask and say something totally not like his facade self. He intentionally wanted me to know his crappy side. I had thought maybe it was a smuggness to see how much he could get away with before id say something. Well i did confront him so many times and his covert sweet side always resurfaces. Gaslighting at its finest. Jekyll and hyde and we wonder if we really seen what we seen.
    Then i thought maybe he wants me to know so its not on his conscience. What conscience lol
    I think part of it is to see like u said our reaction to the dark messed up person behind the mask.
    This is why coverts imo are the most damaging. They hide it so very well and gaslight till we dont trust our own judgements.
    Its another push at boundaries to see how many can be broken. Like a shark nudging before it consumes. How much a person will put up with.
    I now keep a journal of the things hes done to remind myself why i need to keep a healthy mind frame in respect to any sort of expectations from him. The facade is broken and i have no clue where itll end up. Id like to still be friends but really were we ever truely friends? I enjoy him so much his fun interesting side but is therea pricetag with that.
    I do know that when ppl show me who they are the first go round i believe them now!! I know a lot of the red flags to look for as well. The main one is coming on too strong and if its too perfect to be true it probably is.

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  3. No7 – heard that one, but he was too sly to say the others to me.
    He’d say No7 for sympathy though so I’d protest against it and tell him I’d never hate him!
    Even now i can’t hate him (hard as I try).
    I do not love him either now though.
    I feel mostly indifferent, empty, numb, disappointed and stabs of jealousy every now and then when I imagine him screwing her…..
    Jealousy is the only real emotion that is holding me captive right now.
    Any ideas on how I can break my jealous pangs HG?
    Xx

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  4. Mine turned up at my house unexpectedly. We had been off and on for 4 years. He said, “You’re too good for me.” I just nodded agreement and turned and walked back into my house. I knew he wanted me to disagree and tell him I wanted to be with him. Even at 18, I knew emotional manipulation when I saw it. That still haunts him.

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  5. “If there’s a way of f**king things up, I’ll do it”…
    That was told to me within the first couple of weeks and then again towards the end when he reminded me of it. 😢

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  6. Very eye opening. In the beginning, his ex wife kept popping up. She was definitely stalking both of us. And lots of triangulation was happening. He would say to me “you wouldn’t stick around if you knew half the story” I’d press for more explainanation..but it never came. I always thought it was him being victimized and pitied him..that bastard
    Then later in relationship..a few times he asked “what would you do if I slipped up and had a one night stand?” (Who asks that??)
    I can assure you he wasn’t satisfied with my reply, I let him know under no circumstances would he be forgiven. We’d be through.. He was apalled and called me “heartless and unforgiving” and was irritated. All over a “hypothetical ” situation.
    I see now he was testing the waters..and perhaps he got a little too close to feeling my power? If just for a moment.
    Thanks HG for the reality check.
    Helps me forge ahead and I got my narc goggles on!

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    1. Hi Ginger, mine asked that and unfortunately I passed all her tests. I thought to myself the exact same thing. I thought I was the “special”
      “different” one who would be able to make a difference in her life. It was nothing like that.

      I was very much like Indy!!!! I always just chalked it up to everything being about her low self esteem. That’s even what her employees see her behavior as and that’s why they excuse the way she acts.

      I heard that whole list and if I every hear one again they won’t see me again. I’m running.

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  7. I just got the call from an unknown number and hang up. Thanks to HG I know it’s the narcissist! I could even hear his music in the background. I dread being in the sphere but hopefully that’s the end of it.

    I have never had warnings. Only “I’m not about money” and “some girls just want me for money and that’s it” when in fact it was the reverse. Often what they say about women or girls is about their own behaviour, that’s the only warning I’ve seen.

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  8. “No I didn’t return your call bitch, I was eating”

    “So you think I shouldn’t eat?”

    “Fuck you”

    “My mom loves me that’s why she wants me to eat the whole pie”

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  9. 16. I don’t know – I just do something to people.
    17. Don’t let me bring you down to my level.
    18. She said (wife) “she doesn’t know who you really are.” (probably a lie and just a projection)
    19. You deserve better than me/this.
    20. You deserve someone who can really love you.

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