We do not do things by halves. There is no magnolia adorning the walls where we live. Muzak does not play in the background and we never choose to eat vanilla ice cream. If it is neutral, if it is middle of the road and if it is sat on the fence we do not want to know. If it is bland you can forget about it, if something is inoffensive it is of no use to us and words such as unobjectionable, unprejudiced and unbiased are pointless.

We are not interested in fair or equitable and indifference is loathed by us. If you are uncommitted, open-minded, even-handed, detached and unaligned you are not performing as we want you to. Anything which smacks of being straight down the middle holds no interest for us because everything that we want has to be extreme. We want it ice cold or burning hot. Take our ignited fury for instance. When you pass comment on us or do something which is a criticism and you do so in an unemotional, detached and straightforward manner you may as well drive a spear into our hearts as this criticism wounds and burns. To counter it, our fury will ignite and then we retaliate by adopting the extreme. We may lash out at you, pouring scorn and labelling you with a medley of offensive and nasty words, designed to tear into you and cause you to sob. We may adopt the other extreme and provide you with our haughty and stand-offish cold fury, the icy glare and cold shoulder turned towards you. We live and flourish by extremes. There is never any settling for average. It is either feast or famine.

In the beginning, we must create a deluge of false affection as we lavish you with compliments and praise. The words come easily and these softly spoken or enthused exclamations (even our method of delivery adopts an extreme) are poured over you so you are drenched with our affection and love. You are drowning in desire, swamped by our seduction and buried beneath an avalanche of affection. You are given the expensive gifts, nothing cheap, nothing crass or tatty, only the finest and most delightful items are selected for you. You are regaled with tales of our achievements, our excellence and our brilliance. I was not player of the year once but four times. I am not just the highest biller in the department but the entire firm. My car is top of its range. I only ever eat organic, none of that fast processed food for me. My handkerchiefs are silk not cotton. I have three toothbrushes for morning, noon and night. I use four different skin products when I wash in the morning. You read War and Peace in a week? I did it in three days. I don’t just text message you once or twice each day, no, what would be the point of that? You receive a text tsunami. Impressed? You ought to be. That is how special you are and how sensational I am by being able to ping text after text your way and still be as hard-working as I am.

I don’t obey the speed limit, that is for ordinary people. When it is time to go out and party, you will always notice when my entourage and I have arrived. Just watch that bar bill escalate. Why have one partner when five can be juggled? Why gamble a hundred pounds when a thousand will win much more? Five star? I want five-star superior? I am the five-star combatant – the Admiral of the Fleet, Field Marshal and Marshal of the Air Force. Turn it up to eleven. Why a dozen guests? Make it two dozen. Let’s make a show, let’s make a splash, let’s push it further. I lead a life of excess. I engage in extreme behaviours. I never just talk, I either shout and rage or seductively whisper. I don’t get a cold, I have pneumonia and you had better look after me whilst I have it.

Not only do I cause you to soar to the heights, I also take you to the extreme depths. I freeze you out. I lambast you with acidic words. I take it away and send you tumbling towards rock bottom. Down, downwards I will cast you. I don’t just want you to cry, I want you to wail and scream. I don’t want you irritated by my behaviour, I want you to be angry, blowing a gasket, beside yourself with annoyance. I do not want you to be sad, I want you to be desolate. I do not want you to be unhappy, I want you to be mired in misery. High or low, it does not matter as long as it is not in the middle.

Why am I like this? Why does my kind and me never settle for okay or fine, but have to take it to outstanding or terrible? We do so because extreme means special. Extreme means superior. Extreme means you will take notice of me. I do not just fade into the background. I am not beige. I do not sink into a grey sea. I am impenetrable darkness and I am glorious light. I am not a steady monotone, for I am the heavy, resonant and sonorous bass and the tinkling angelic bells.

          I am like this because nobody remembers the middle man, the middle ranking and the go-between. Neutral is nothing. I must be noticed. I must be admired. I must shock and awe. I must stand out, turn heads and be the topic of conversation, good or bad, it matters not so long as I am recognised. I must provoke, stimulate and arouse so I am always noticed and paid attention to. I must always take it as far as possible and the further again. Extreme is the only option available to me. How else am I going to fill this emptiness?

46 thoughts on “Extreme

  1. Twilightdreams says:

    As would I, I was told that once first night out. And walked out.

  2. Twilightdreams says:

    If I told you I love your energy and how it feels would you believe me?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would be sceptical.

  3. AH OH says:


    Have you any, dreams you like to sell? Dreams of loneliness

  4. Elena says:

    Señor Tudor,
    He estado leyendo tus escritos.
    Son muy buenos.
    Directos, claros, amenos. Y lo que considero más importante: reales y útiles.
    ¡Cuidado! El Demonio debe estar muy enfadado con usted…
    Muchas gracias.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Elena. I appreciate your comments about my work. I am not concerned about the Devil, I continue to do his work!

      1. Elena says:

        Por favor, Señor Tudor, keep on doing his work.
        As you well know, practice makes evil.
        Life, without you and your kind, is so tedious and boring, so gloomy and grey…
        Even here, in sunny Spain.

  5. Twilightdreams says:

    HG do you know when it is being said sincerely or just to be said?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Most of the time I know when it is being said sincerely.

      1. Love says:

        Lol you deal with empathic types exclusively. We have love gushing out of every pore. I am not touting our horn. Most empathic individuals are this way to compensate for what they didn’t have as children. So I’m sure there is no doubt when you hear declarations of love.

      2. Brian says:

        If I suddenly started saying it every morning after years of not, it would be weird and seem insincere?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Not necessarily, remember we compartmentalise so we may not detect that it has “suddenly”started. You can of course tell me that you love me very day if you wish.

      3. Brian says:

        Once in school, one of my friends started to talk to a bully about his favourite hobby as the bully was starting to bully him.

        So, would it be a good strategy to give positive fuel when you can tell a narcissist is getting ready to yell and punish over some insignificant issue?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is, but keep in mind that it may take some time to have effect because of the extent of the ignited fury and it may be that we want the (stronger) negative fuel.

      4. Brian says:

        thanks for your replies
        great insight

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

  6. Lisa.ogden says:

    I Love you being said is aways wonderful. But only if its fully & truley meant .

  7. Disintegrated says:

    If You only knew my dear G…. If You only knew ….

  8. Brian says:

    Is there anything boilerplate that someone can say to a narc in the morning?
    To give them positive fuel

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I love you is always a good start.

      1. Love says:

      2. My narc finally admitted to me after 3 yrs that he hates it when i say ‘i love u.’ He says it makes him feel like he is not free. Can some narcs feel this way HG? Thank you in advance. ❤️

        1. HG Tudor says:

          He is saying this when devaluing you. We love to hear it ordinarily for the positive fuel but of course, we will take your love concept and bend it all out of shape in order to hurt you and provoke further fuel from you.

          1. Oh! I just tell him ‘if you don’t like it then i will try not to say it, but sometimes if i say it then you can just ignore it. I expect nothing in return.’ So i guess i am not giving him any fuel.

  9. The Bridge says:

    I like this article. I understand. I have no question for you.

  10. Lisa says:

    Emotional attention & everything close to it like feeling which you do not right ..& wow HG you sound just like the physchopath I communicated with @sometine ..your words ,how you speak.hmmm strange it is as usual with these situations

    1. Lisa says:

      Intriguing but so dam bitter ..can’t say I can put any sweet on your kind & your ways ..psychology was always my major ..but didn’t go onto school ..I’m naturally in tune to this field . I don’t need a degree in what I already know ;; ;& experienced ..just wish I could pick apart your minds & twist some cells around & add a few nuts n bolts & you would be normal …huh what a dream

  11. Rain says:

    Well said HG!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Rain.

  12. Jamie M says:

    “nobody remembers the middle man.
    Neutral is nothing. I must be noticed. I must be admired. I must shock and awe. I must stand out.. so long as I am recognised… Extreme is the only option..”

    Do the isolation project & I guarantee you’ll have all of this. Studies will be done. Your journey will be analyzed long after you’re dead. Be the one that sticks out. Be admired for strength, courage & brilliance. Isn’t that what you want? Even if you “failed”, your case would be studied & dissected like no other.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Fail me? I think not. Thank you for your encouragement nevertheless Jamie.

  13. Victory says:

    Intriguing that I realized he kept the main portion of his home neutral. The downstairs his. It also lacked anything personal, 1 wall outdated family photos, 2 small shelves with vintage cars for a male, generic wine bottle paintings in the dining room. Nothing that spoke of a passion, an interest or a sentiment. Except, 1 statue that explains it all now…

  14. Angelina says:

    HG, your brilliance amazes me. You have the innate ability to describe the dynamics of the 2 worlds of the narc and its prey in a way that is so relatable and to the essence of its core. No wonder I never could understand his extremities from one spectrum to another. When he had to hurt me, it was just unimaginable cruelty that I could never comprehend how dark and sinister his words and actions was, and then he convinced me it was all my fault by insane justification. No wonder, he lavished in my fear of him.

  15. Ana Frost says:

    Maybe this will sound absurd to you but that last sentence made me want to hug you. Don’t know why cause everything else about what you wrote felt risky and dangerous. Guess it’s just the empath in me. Can’t be helped.

    1. Love says:

      We all love Mr. Tudor, Ana. He brings out the nurturing instincts in us.

  16. Shesheb says:

    I find this to be so very true. So extreme and has to have the best. I have downloaded five of your books and I am currently reading The Devil’s Toolkit. I have listened to your interviews on YouTube and you have said that politicians, sports stars and celebrities are often times narcissistic. I have not heard any r seen written anywhere where you refer to ministers. Just curious if you have any thoughts on ministers as narcs. I definitely do.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Shehseb thank you for reading. Our kind do indeed move amongst ministers (by which I assume you mean clergy). There will be forthcoming posts about religion and narcissists which I am sure you will find of interest.

  17. Lacy says:

    That sounded like a Dos Equis commercial.

  18. VictimNoMore says:

    My ex fiancé and I have been off and on for about 5 years. He has triangulated between myself and another woman. Being fed up with this, during one of our breaks, I started talking to another man. We made a connection emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. But then my ex fiancé narc came back and I of course dropped the other guy & ended up getting pregnant 4 mos later. Throughout my pregnancy, the narc father continued triangulating between his ex and Me and I started talking to the other guy. 2 mos before our baby was born the narc dad and I decided to make it work and got engaged. All was well until my daughter was born. He cheated yet again two weeks after her birth. He denied it and not wanting to face it at the time, I went along with his lies. A week later, he intercepted a message from my guy friend. The narc went ballistic and for the first time became extremely violent – in the past he had called me names and shouted but was never physical – but after getting the message, he proceeded to point a gun at me while I was feeding our daughter, threw things at me, spit in my face, and threatened to punch me. I showed no fear of the gun, didn’t cry, or yell back (seemed to make him angrier – guessing no fuel)…. He walked out 3 mos ago and neither of us have attempted to make contact. Of course he is back with the ex…. Shortly after that madness I realized he is a narc and I want nothing more to do with him nor do I want him in my daughter’s life.

    My questions are:
    Do you think he has discarded me? We have gone as long as 6 mos apart with no contact.

    Have you ever had a girlfriend cheat on you?

  19. Starr says:

    So you are filling a void with attention basically ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Emotional attention.

      1. Snow White says:

        My therapist was trying to explain it to me by having me visualize a cup and saying that you always have to keep filling it up with our emotions and traits to keep your void full because you don’t have these emotions of traits. And then I said you like to keep it at a certain level because if it drops you start to feel a certain way.
        Is there a certain percentage of the cup that you like to keep filled?Where is your safe spot?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I have found a way that is effective, but they are intent on trying to send me down a path which is pitted with risk and exposure.

      2. Love says:

        Ugh. These Doctors. Why can’t they just let you be?

      3. Starr says:

        My ex told me he uses sex to fill a void .

        We have to figure out why the void is there to begin with .

  20. Adele says:

    Interesting. I cant help thinking how a lot of these blogs are 50 shadesish. I read half of the first book and couldnt finish i found it cheesy. I do love your blogs tho hg and they are extremely informative!
    This must be the elite narc bc i my narc and a lot of others ive heard about arent as flamboyant and successful. I do see the emotions part tho and youve mentioned how when we dont show emotion it gets under your skin as a narc. I have paid witness to this in my own situation. The problem is we as empaths are emotional so its hard to play a narc at their own game. It is a lot easier tho thru reading these blogs and picking a narcs mind. Still its difficult when were two different creatures. Thats probably why its better to just go no contact and not look back but not so easy to do in most situations

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