The Narcissistic Truths – No. 79

i-look-my-bestwhen-i-need-your-fuel

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120 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 79”

  1. GRAY not GAY…hahahah…but it would be cool if you were thinking in the gay as well….I am pretty pan myself, so there goes my box!! LOL

  2. I was never attracted to him at all, until he needed my fuel. It’s crazy how he turned my attraction to him around on me so easily.

  3. Hi Ah Oh,
    I couldn’t reply directly to your post above describing your fire 🔥. I think it is a double edged sword. I love seeing strong women who are fierce, not afraid and own your power! It’s not encouraged in many countries and it’s a power to nurture, not extinguish. You certainly have shown your fire in many settings. Ms flame thrower 😀How did you learn to contain it and focus it on where you needed? I Can imagine it was a lot of personal hard work. I had to work on the opposite. I had to own my anger. I was the one that looked innocent, harmless and when crossed I had the precision of a scalpel. Still have this s quality.

  4. Ah Oh

    We can only see him in whatever light he allows and he has shed some light into this corner. Only he knows if he has done so to gauge our shock and reaction or if he has bravely stepped out of his comfort a bit to see what happens. In any case he will be unable to shock me or shake my feeling that he is an exceptional worthwhile human being despite the Frankensteinesque assemblage of emotions he feels he has had to construct to present to and navigate in this world. I do not wish to be a voyeur to his pain out of morbid curiosity but encourage him to shine light on more to acknowledge his experience and find a less exhaustive way to live than hiding parts of himself, feeling shame, and constantly seeking fuel. I dont think our eyes could take the brilliance that would emanate from him if he could operate unencumbered by his masks and machinations. Shine on HG. Share what you feel you can and shine on.

    1. Are you chastising me? If so why?

      He writes I read. I have a reaction. I let HG know how I reacted and what I felt. I did not judge him, I am still here communicating with him.

      If you do not find it disturbing, then good for you. But then again, don’t you claim to be a Narc.

      HG is who he is from the standpoint of survival. He is an intelligent, very well educated man who has a personality disorder. This is not brilliance.

      He is a Narcissistic Sociopath, a master manipulator. He destroys and leaves people very broken. You consider this brilliant?

      He knows what he does and he knows how to survive. He needs fuel like I need air. I understand this.

      I never said he was not a worthwhile human being. I find him interesting and one with the dry sense of humor I have come to enjoy from Brits.

      How many times has he said he is not doing any of this for anyone but himself. We just are the beneficiaries of his plan to become a world renown Narc.

      BTW I sent him a private email on my thoughts of the scrapebook and he responded in kind. If it upset him then I am sure he would not have given me the courtesy of a response.

      Now go wipe off your nose.

      1. I didn’t see it as a chastising of you at all, Ah Oh. Perhaps I misunderstood, how I read NAs post was to remind us all that HG sheds light on the areas he wishes for us to see, not necessarily the entire picture of his entirety. I thought it was an astute observation, though not a criticism for your views at all. I think both yours and NAs views are both valid. But then again, I’m not NA.

      2. Ah Oh

        A complete misunderstanding has occurred and I am in no way chastising you. You asked Indy if she still saw him through the same eyes (regarding the scrapbook). The question was not to me but I responded to your post to keep the conversation in the same area on the thread and not get lost below. I apologize for the confusion it caused you. I completely understand and respect that you were disturbed and am glad you shared your views. I do consider him brilliant. Not for the manipulation and pain he causes but for his intelligence, humour, and for sharing his painful past and his journey with brutal honesty so that we may be educated in a way that benefits us as well. I cannot imagine how much he could accomplish if he was not bogged down with his constant quest for fuel and maintaining his facade. I came here originally to obtain information about people who surround me but find that I am learning so much about myself. I dont suffer confidence, am quite opinionated and challenging, have a sense of humour some people find inappropriate, and many other traits that may rub people the wrong way, but I apologize for none of that, and I do not expect people to change who they are when dealing with me. I want it blunt and honest-that’s why I’m here. I respect that although you misunderstood me completely that you took the stance to address it. That takes balls. I like people with balls. So now…….you say I have something on my nose?

      3. NarcAngel Great rebuttal.

        We lose so much in writings. The way I read your first post was that you praised his ways.
        In reading the second one, I totally understand and concur.
        Kiss and make up..******

        Now in saying this, the difference between our writings and HG’s, there is no misunderstandings. This is one way you can see truly see his talent. I also wish he would take this talent and use it differently and I hope that he can in the future.
        Not to say he changes who he is, but to learn to manage the DEMON, so he can function in a way that will be acceptable to society and not have the need to destroy.

        I also apologize for my misunderstanding. I think I had an off day although I felt great. We only know one another through this blog, but in reading your description of yourself, I would say we are very much alike. Are you my lost twin?

        I am still here because I had an encounter with a man who I believe was more bipolar then not. He is in treatment, and he did say his ex- wife said she lost him due to mental health. He did some odd things.It was a short-lived relationship, but it took me to a place that I did not want to go. It brought to the surface all the crap that I had buried in myself. Through HG, I am learning more about what I experienced as a child and why I did the things I did. I was a monster, trust me. (along with my therapist, who was in a narc relationship for seven years when she was very young. She is now in her forties, and he still gives a Hoover. She is well versed in this arena.)

        I appreciate HG for what he is; I have a respectable fear of him but feel very safe on the blog. I am addicted to him, to you, to all on here.

        I thought it was a scratch on your nose, my mistake again.

        Today I am baking cookies. ;-/

      4. Ah Oh.

        Thank you. All good on this end. My favourite are crispy oatmeal or peanut butter. None of those soft, gooey, warm, chewy cookies-I want them to shatter and crunch loudly when I bite into them. I hope you make those kind.

      5. sugar cookies, mint chocolate, anisette biscuit.
        I like soft and gooey. I also eat the raw cookie dough.

        I use to eat raw hamburger until mad cow. I do love a good steak tartare. I like the taste of blood. Maybe because as a child I use to bite. I bit my sister until I could taste her blood. She pissed me off.

  5. I wonder how many would be praising you with this hobby of yours if they ended up in a book like this with their Narc partners. I stand by my thoughts that it is not far removed of what killers have done.

  6. Some of the most “Precious Diamonds” have black specks in them that the naked eye cannot see; only a trained diamond specialist can detect. It makes the true worth of the diamond much, much less than what the trusting customer actually paid for it.

  7. AhOh, If you are referring to the listing of target types in the book, yes, this is very intriguing and intimidating. Never before have I felt like a gazelle in the savannah of narcs.

    1. The scrapbook he puts his IP’s in and then leaves it for her to find it.

      Man, we must not have the same copy. How did you miss this? I believe it is chapter two. Position is the chapter title.

      If you missed this, then I am not sure what to think.

      1. AhOh, I totally skipped over it. I blame it on my ADHD. (For real) Anyhow, I found it. Yes, it’s disturbing. I made note above to HG my reaction. It’s scary. I think what disturbed me the most was the intense level of objectification. Down to parts.

      2. No kidding! I am never going to be in your home, in your town, within your grasp! I could be in your country at any given time. But it is not on the books for 2017. I do love London. I am going to Scotland too.
        You take me serious at times.

        On a serious note, what if it was discovered and destroyed, what would happen?

      3. Did I poke the bear? Sorry.
        Your book is just over the top, so I have to vent the disturbed feeling it gave me somehow. Poke

      4. I’m glad you did vent AHOH. It’s healthy and you directed me to a detail I missed. It’s naturally disturbing. it should disturb!

      5. Hi Ah Oh,
        Perhaps because I have always viewed people from a slight distance, I am always gathering information to form an image of others, which is always changing to some degree. Trust was always hard for me. Never the same eyes. It scared me, Ah Oh. Make no mistake. Being seen as an object at the part level is terrifying. Other behaviors he has described previously has also scared me, such as th level of stalking he discussed in Evil. Like the level of detail he gives to his hunt and prey. He is a supreme predator. Dangerous.

      6. I know. I like it. I like danger. I do not believe this is anything I could handle.

        I also would hunt but it was not for destruction, but games, like a cat and mouse.
        I never wanted to destroy anyone. I don’t plan on it. I have destroyed a career before, but that prick deserved it. Broke hearts. Had mine broken too.
        I stalked, but secretly, and we all creep on FB and such. I do not do anything that will cause me public embarrassment. I did not fight in public with a bf, nor would I let him but crap would hit the fan as soon as we walked through the door and shut it behind me.
        I did break many many objects in my life. I did take my brand new 280 z and ram it into my bf’s big SUV. I was 23 but I had my ex bf fix it for free. I had my sister take it to him and say she took it and hit a pole and he said to her BS, you sister did it and who pissed her off. I guess I was known for my temper. I also pointed a gun at the same bf but it wasn’t loaded. He didn’t know it and I wanted to scare him.
        I hit him with a pipe from a vacuum cleaner and left a small scar on his belly. Poor guy, he went through hell with me. He was afraid of me. He was Japanese descent but born in the US. Never ever raised a finger to me. He actually wanted to marry me when I told him I was tired of the relationship. He left his wife for me. I was terrible. We lived fast and hard.
        I am not the same person. Not even close.
        My first ex husband cured me of breaking things. I still get pissed and sweep things off the counters but I try not to do it and it is not often.
        I was known to be a total bitch and my favorite line was “get the fuck out of here” I am reminded every time I see the guys I use to work with in the 80’s.
        I have to laugh at myself. I was in demand and I demanded everything.
        I am not a narc but I was a spoiled girl.

        I like HG and he is very accommodating here. He is safe here. So therefore I am safe. We all are………on this blog.

        Have you tried his private consultations? I won’t do it as I would get addicted to the voice. Then it would end up costing me thousands. His phone would ring and it would be me again. I would just have him read Dr. Seuss to me. (now you know I am just fucking with you) I like this word..FUCK. It is just a word and here in the US everyone is uptight about it. I don’t use it in my conversations in public. Only certain people get the pleasure of hearing this word roll off my tongue.

      7. AH OH

        I know right?! Who could glaze over that? Me thinks Indy that you’re getting a little too cozy in your red socks and dozing off. HG should quiz you on your reading, but its not like he has time what with keeping all his bitches in line and all.

      8. 😂 NA, perhaps I should be. I truly missed it. Or a little Ritalin is in line.

  8. And Saturday night my youngest sister called me an attention whore. All I did was vie with her for the attentions of a man I knew she was interested in…and of course I looked good doing it, but how dare she stoop to name-calling.

      1. Whatever the PC term is, my sister apparently thinks it’s a bad thing I did. She said I don’t know how to be a wing woman

      2. Thank you Mr. Tudor. I’m honored I could make you laugh.
        I understand Cara. I would never expect that from a narc girlfriend. We all know you are running the show.
        At least you aren’t a histrioinic. My histrionic girlfriend would throw me into oncoming traffic, just to have all eyes on her while walking the runway (aka sidewalk).

      3. LOVE

        Funny you should say that about your friend. I have one like that too. Thought at first she was borderline but she fits better under the histrionic and her daughter under borderline. She must have all eyes on her and they arent always for the reasons she thinks but she believes they are and god forbid I get any lol. Her Narc husband left her last year after 25 yrs for someone else but of course he still has tentacles in. What a fun household that is.

      4. Oh yes, I have a histrionic and narc couple in my family too. He also left her but as she says, they are still ‘friends with benefits’. 😝 That term is not cute when you’re over 60.
        My histrionic friend is a hoot. She threatens to commit suicide whenever she is between lovers. She has filmed herself saying goodbye and she’s even written a suicide letter (well its actually a novella – over 100 pages) .
        She’s stored away these artifacts so her fans (I mean family and friends) will find them once she finally pulls the trigger.

  9. Ah Oh, I’m sure many women who read the comments on Sex and the Narcissist just stayed silent like you and I. That is always my standard reaction to the very shocking and disturbing.

    1. Trust me I was not silent. I talked about it with my therapist and everyone who knows I read his books and play on the blog.
      I sent HG an email, and he was kind enough to say he understood how I was disturbed and to learn from it and to stay away from narcs. He is generous in this way.

      1. HG

        Who knew Narcs were crafters!
        In addition to scrapbooking with body parts, are there throw rugs knitted from the hairbrush remnants and trivets made from nail clippings of your various ex-girlfriends that you gift them with at Christmas? Lets face it-it’s just in you to give.

      2. NA You are a cleaver one! What great ideas you just gave him!
        Snickering over here in Narcville Nevada

  10. Yet in your best you continue to be the subject and I to be the object. Every speech is focused on what you decide, and where I’ll take the speech you do not listen and change the subject. Your best is not true that the end is not enough to make a person really happy. Jets smokescreen.
    HG is not addressed to you my outburst but to all narcissists in general.

  11. HG
    Thanks for your previous answer.
    I have noticed my spouse tells me about his personality in positive terms, but really he is listing off my traits.
    Is this trait stealing?
    Like, he will say he is laid back and innocent and everyone around him is cut-throat, but that’s really a description of me.

      1. Thank you.
        Do you have an article about trait stealing? I find it very interesting.
        I did a search on google site:narcsite.com ‘trait stealing’
        but nothing turned up.

        I would like to know if this is just a manipulation technique to pu t on an innocent facade, or
        if they are trying to fool themselves into thinking they are virtuous.

      2. Trait stealing is mentioned in a number of articles but it is not something which has had a detailed examination in an article, so I have made a note. There is more on this also in Fury in the context of the construct.

      3. Thank you. Looking forward to reading more articles and hopefully buying a book someday

  12. I love Thomas Moore! We need a book club!!
    Have you read women who run with wolves? I will take your advice and look at the book by DeAngelis 😊

    1. This would be great. But HG’s books are good to discuss with each other too. I have a statement in moderation on one of his books, I hope he will post it. I always recommend his blog and books.

      1. Agreed. I too have my comments on a book, sex and the narcissist, in moderation.

  13. An unrelated question: Do the good docs support you in your view of MatriNarc as being abusive and a narcissist herself?

    When is your next book gonna be released?

    Hope you’re doing well today 😊

    1. Hello Indy,

      Yes they do.
      I am hoping that three will be available before the end of the year.
      I am excellent well, thank you for your kind enquiry.

      1. I’m glad they support your view. I wonder if they have confronted her on it yet.

        Patiently waiting for more books. Any recommendations for me to read in the mean time? I’ve read escape, departure, black flags, sitting target, grimoir, exorcism, evil, and sex and the N.

      2. Thank you, I need to check them out 😊 Now, do you know if the docs have confronted her?

      3. No they have not and nor will I allow that to happen.

        When my vengeance occurs she must not see it coming.

      4. Oh I get it now. Do you know how long for your plans will take effect? I understand if you are keeping that tight under lock and key….had to ask. Gosh to be a fly on the wall with 🍿

      5. There is no rush. One cannot rush something that must be executed in this way and it is linked to the ongoing work with the good doctors.

      6. Indy, I recommend any book by Dr. Suess to lighten the mind load.
        On a serious note. I have found a book titled Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who’s Right and Avoiding Who’s Wrong by Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D. ( I read this six months ago.)
        I also found solice at one point in Care Of The Soul by Thomas Moore. (I read this in the mid 90’s)
        Drawing Down the Moon: Witches, Druids, Goddess-Worshippers, and Other Pagans in America by Margot Adler is very intertaining. (I read this 20 years ago)
        They are off topic but still insightful reading.

      7. Indy, I read the comments by the followers on HG’s book Sex and the Narcissist. I am wondering why I was the only one disturbed by the scrap book “Grimoire”? Everyone else stated how turned on they became. I was on a flight when I read this chapter and have not opened the book since. He is very sexual in the book and can sure take you right into the moment. I wanted him until I read this chapter. (Still do but for different reasons)
        Yes, it is erotic in many areas but this actually put me in a state of mind of intense fear. It brought home the fact that HG has such a dark side that it is disturbing. I shudder thinking about it now. It was what he did and how he constructs the book. I do recommend everyone read this book, and never let a camera in the room and check for hidden ones with your narc. :’-0
        Help me understand why this was all OK with the ladies?

      8. I’m confused, I just read sec and the narcissist and did not see a chapter named grimoire? I found the book quite intense. Sure, like you said, the section where he walks you through sec in his mind is hot. However, for me reading the book it was like understanding the foreign language of the narcissist and sex. Detailed and very much looking through the eyes of a predator.

      9. Ah Oh is referring to a scrap book which I have and she has described it as a grimoire. It freaked her out.

      10. No clue how I missed that detail. Wow, I think I need to read more slowly. That is indeed disturbing and ultimate objectification. I know you say you are not a psychopath, and I am seeing what fine line it can be between sociopathy and psychopathy. Thought versus action. Absorbing that a bit.

      11. HG, I can’t diagnose you because I do not know you in person, I cannot interview you diagnostically and it would be unethical too. I would be biased based on the gratitude I have to you for your help you give to me and others and the education you have provided to me too.

        Now, for arguments sake, and with my full bias in play, I’d say no. Not a professional assessment, just my gut. You do not take life because of fuel and you do not wish the consequences on your life. Plus it seems you have impulse control that typically is less in play with a psychopath. Remember though, I am not a specialist though in sociopathy or psychopathy.

        I truly appreciate what you do here. And that scrapbook scared me as well . Perhaps because it is the ultimate objectification expressed so clearly. That we are parts to be maneuvered and positioned. Interchangeable at the part level, not just the body level. That is what struck me.

      12. Plus the psych world has yet to clarify how to separate and distinguish between the two diagnoses. For some reason I think you have a higher need for fuel than a psychopath…I think the psychopath might have s higher need for control. I think the psychopath may be more internally fragmented as well….just thinking and hypothesizing…could be wrong. I’m also thinking of very high functioning psychopaths..which I think are exceedingly rare. The real Hanible Lectors. I think psychopaths are more fragmented and their view of the world, and their view of others, and in their self-concept then perhaps a sociopath …

      13. More importantly, HG, is what do you think? What do you think about this topic, the difference of sociopaths and psychopaths, and where you fit? Do you agree with the good doctors diagnosis?

      14. I have had some discussions elsewhere as of late which have cast doubt on the suggestion of sociopathy and have suggested psychopathy instead. It just goes to show how the medical professions struggles to differentiate between the two but I suspect much of it is down to the relevant label and criteria and they vary dependent on who is applying those labels.

      15. Thank you for this Christmas present to all of us in sending all these responses that I even forgot about. This question is something I am still trying to figure out professionally. It also differs on WHO you speak to and it seems which country as well. It is funny that this thing called “diagnosis” is dependent on country borders and culture as well as a group of psychiatrists and psychologists that make the DSM and international diagnostic codes. It is telling. Defintely not an exact science. I have been reading some of the research and it is so damned fuzzy and messy even at that level. The labels are almost meaningless at times.

      16. Indeed Indy, it seems to me that in some instances there is more merit in identifying the behaviours, understanding what is behind them and how might they be addressed both for the sake of the victim and also to see if the perpetrator might be assisted also, rather than trying to squeeze somebody into some kind of definition. Nevertheless, science persists as science likes absolutes and exactitude.

      17. Whoa, wait. I missed this…I have to compliment you HG!! You are now thinking in the GAY and not Black and White on this matter…”Nevertheless, science persists as science likes absolutes and exactitude”. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

        See!! the GRAY CAN be BEAUTIFUL, no? There are no boxes there. Trust me, I’ve looked!! I hate boxes.

      18. It is important to get revenge. And justice. The punishment must fit the crime. You know your nemesis, you know where and how to strike best. She deserves all that may come her way.

        After all is said and done, perhaps that’s when you can rest for once… and choose whether to stay on your path, or to change it. As long as your heart is still beating, you still have a *choice*! 🙂

      19. The laughter would go on for longer Love, buy you are essentially correct!

        The scrapbook is mentioned in Sex and the Narcissist. You are right about the grimoire with your link.

      20. Oh yes, your scrap booking. I thought it was interesting. Reminded me of airbrushing that magazines do.
        So you take a gf’s fingers and add them to Jena Jamison’s body. Then you’ll title her ‘Finger lickin good’ or something or another. Its creative. Actually a compliment. Adding my best feature to a porn star is praising me and telling me that part of mine is superior to hers.

      21. I can tell if you are a psychopath or not. However, to do so, you would need to be in my presence. I have to be physically near you to sense the energy you’re emitting. The psychopath energy is very unique and eerie. There is also the residue energy they leave behind after they have left.

  14. HG
    I have listened to your interviews on youtube, very good.
    You mentioned that there is lively discussion on this website, is this in the comment section or is there a seperate area for discussion?

  15. HG
    I have listened to your interviews on youtube, very good.
    You mentioned that there is lively discussion on this website, is this in the comment section or is there a seperate area for discussion?

  16. I was involved with a narcissist for 8 months. I recognized he was one and told him so. I spent many months trying to figure him out. He left, I encouraged it but I have to tell you it was a delightful time. It is enticing, fun alot of joy. Thanks for explaining the rages, it finally made sense. He had wonderful stories and I miss him everyday and I know he will never be well but still, I wish him happiness. The tragedy of childhood leaves a wound that cannot be healed. I wish you your soul back

    1. If you had stayed with him you would have had to have listened to those stories again and again for the rest of your life.
      Also he would have constantly tested you by saying innapropriate uncomfortable things until you had a reaction, like “please dont say things like that” and then he would of course say those things again and again.

      1. Exactly. They up the anti continually until all boundaries are broken the ultimate control. They need to win and have control.
        I do agree about some narcs being fun and exciting to be around but theres a pricetag and its losing yourself. Basically selling your soul to the devil. They are emotional vampires sadly. I love mine with all my heart and itll never amount to more than it is now and even that will dissolve eventually

    2. You would get tired of those stories, but then he would continue to tell them, to piss you off.

    3. You’re so lucky to have gotten out. You would have had to listen to those stories again and again until you were sick of them.
      Then, when you asked not to hear them anymore you would be forced to listen to them because now he knows it makes you uncomfortable.

    4. The joy they bring into our lives is like honey to the bees. I feel the same way Raona, if I could wish his soul back and blow the spirit of love into him some how I would want to spend the rest of my life with him.

  17. Yes when our turn is up to get a dose from you are oh so attentive and alls well in life. Happy days till were set on that shelf again or your mood takes a turn. Sucking that vial dry

  18. Hi HG. Where can I find more information on the 4 cadres. I found the Four classes. I want info on all cadres but victim is of more interest to me at present. Thanking you in advance.

    1. Hi NA, the cadres are mentioned most in Sitting Target. There are also references in my blog articles. I am working on dedicated books to each member of the cadre.

      1. Excellent. Sitting target is my next book and I look forward to the ones to come.

      2. Lol. NA, why am I picturing a little black book with narc names, addresses, and their cadres …. Some names have already been crossed out. Is the victim cadres next to be swimming with the fishes?
        Does your name really mean the Avenger?

      3. Too funny LOVE. Your vision is pretty close. Its naming them at present and going over things in my mind to clarify the unanswered questions I had at the time.. I have already seen where I made some mistakes and also where I missed opportunity lol. Im fascinated by all of it.

      4. Yes, they are fascinating. None as fascinating as Mr. Tudor though.
        Do you have a cool weapon? Like a sword or bow and arrow? Do you wear a leather tight black cat suit with stilettos and sit on top of buildings at night, patrolling narcs? If so, your job is AWESOME!

      5. LOVE.
        Well…….. lots of times leather and heels ARE involved. Yes, I perch like a gargoyle atop buildings and then swoop down all angel wings and black leather torpedo tits. Too funny.

    1. One of my narcs used to send that tune to me all the time AH OH. Does it hold some significance for you?

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