Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker

sins-of-the-empath_-truth-seeker

Truth seeker. The pursuit of the truth. A noble ideal indeed is it not? It sounds as if you ought to be armed with your sword of justice and your shield of purity as you make your way through the badlands in order to find the truth. In fact, this is what you, as an empathic individual is unwittingly doing when you become engaged with our kind.

You are all truth seekers. The empath, the co-dependent and especially the super empath. You want the truth and you will apply your indefatigable spirit to acquiring it without understanding the toll that this misguided folly will have on you as whole. The need to be told the truth, to find it and to know it is a core empathic trait and as you would expect, it leads you into the trap of being ensnared by our kind and is heavily exploited.

Being a truth seeker is a further sin of the empath. Those who who are empathic tell the truth, but that is because of that other empathic sin, honesty. The empath must always establish the truth of a situation, the truth at the heart of an individual and in so doing the allows them to reconcile their own truths.

The empath must know the truth. He or she must not only need to understand why somebody is as they are, but they have to be satisfied that this is the truth of the matter. This desire for the truth makes an empath extremely vulnerable to us since we trade in lies, deal in deceit and all our currency is counterfeit.

Take, for instance, at the outset of the narcissistic dynamic, when we begin our seduction of the empath. He or she wishes to know that this wonderful person is true in their intentions and whilst the empath might be pleased that others talk about how enamoured the narcissist is about them, or how the narcissist seems utterly smitten, the empath must establish the truth form the narcissist him or herself. This of course opens the empath up to the charm, magnetism and allure of the scintillating narcissist as we are only too happy to tell you what you want to hear, to show you what you want to see and to do what you would have us do.

Oblivious to who you are dealing with (until otherwise educated) the empath will, through his or trusting nature and propensity to deal honestly with others, accept what the narcissist says and does. That amounts to the truth. The narcissist is skilled through his mirroring to reflect back at you your own truths and thus as you seek the truth, you are shown it. What you do not realise is that you are looking at your own truth, but since it is your truth and not ours, it is so utterly convincing. The adoration that you exhibit towards us is mirrored and reflect back at you. You wish to seek the truth of that adoration and what do you see? An adoration that is on the same par as your own – how can that then not appear to be the truth. In seeking the truth but looking for it from one who lies so effectively and defrauds with ease, all you find is your own truth, but you fail to recognise it as such and thus you feel you have found the truth and you are convinced that what you see is genuine love, is genuine passion and is genuine adoration.

You might liken it to a person who carries with him or her one half of a precious gem and seeks the other half. This person encounters a mirror, but does not know that it is a mirror and thinks that they see the other half stood before them since it looks so convincing, yet try to touch or grasp or find any depth or substance to this supposed other half and it will not be there. This is what eventually happens when devaluation occurs as you see the reflection and it dawns on you that all you are looking at is what you already had, being made to appear like something more.

Thus in wanting to find the truth and being shown your truth and not ours, you are utterly convinced as to the legitimacy of our love, passion and desire for you. Your truth seeking has made you vulnerable to our deceitful manipulations from the very beginning.

Yet, the matter worsens. Your pursuit of the truth leaves you vulnerable to perhaps one of the most confusing and bewildering aspects of the narcissistic dynamic, the need to establish the truth during devaluation. Once the array of machinations are wheeled out against you, the gas lighting commences, the lies, the insults, the intimidation and so much more is used against you, your quest for the truth has you stuck in the quagmire of our manipulations for a considerable time.

Firstly, you do not accept that this monster which now prevents you from getting a good night’s sleep, erupts at the slightest criticism, becomes demanding over apparently nothing, is the person who you fell in love with or who loves you. This is not the truth that stands before you. The truth must surely have been the person who first seduced you. You know that to be the case because you sought the truth then during the seduction, you saw it and you established it. It is that magical, wonderful, adoring person who seems to have vanished and in its stead you now see some grotesque version of the person you love. That is not the truth that shouts at you and belittles you, that is not the truth that turns each time you want to go out with your friends into a battle and that is not the truth that turns its back on you every night in bed. You want to find the true us, the one you saw and established during seduction and that need, that desire and that pursuit of this truth means you remain in situ, not escaping and allowing our abuses to rain down on you again and again.

Secondly, you experience the downside of our pathological lies during the devaluation. You were lied to, naturally, during the seduction, but that does not matter. You thought it to be the truth and you established it as so and besides, those lies felt good didn’t they? Yet know, the lies wound and hurt, they scar and mark, as we tell you lies about what we have been doing, where we have been and who with. You are no fool, or so you think, for you have followed us, had others report to you and you know the truth of what has been happening. Now you must establish that truth with us. You must seek the truth from our lips without you realising that we will never do such a thing since to do so would be to cede control to you. You have not yet grasped who you are dealing with and thus you remain unaware that we use lies to achieve so much of our aims. Those lies are used to make you dizzy, make you cry, make you exhausted and we keep on going and will not concede to the truth.

How many times have you heard yourself say:-

“Just tell me the truth, that is all I want you to do.”

“Please, stop lying, just tell the truth.”

“If you would only tell the truth.”

“I want the truth.”

“Give me the truth. Please I am begging you.”

Are those phrases and those of a similar kind echoing about your mind now?

Your desire to get to the truth, to hold the truth in front of us and get us to acknowledge it means you become drawn into the circular arguments, the endless arguments, the denial, the switching and the deflections which leave you shattered, mystified and spent. Why can he not see the truth when I do? The Toxic Logic of course, but you are not privy to such information at that time and so you gird your loins, climb back on your steed and ride out once again in the pursuit of the truth. It is no surprise that you then gallop into the swamp and become bogged down by lies, untruths and mendacity.

Thirdly, during devaluation it is often the case that you will turn to others to seek confirmation that the truth you once witnessed is indeed the truth and you can find it once again. You seek the truth from our coterie, our minions and our lieutenants. You go to them and need to ascertain that we are surely a decent person, who is loving and caring are we not? You walk straight into the facade and its false truth. You hear the answers which you want to hear, we are lauded for our generosity, we are praised for our kindness, we are complimented on our good humour, easy charm and reliability. There it is, you have sought the truth once again and you have found it, yet you fail to recognise it as the false truth and the false hope which it engenders. Instead of trying to escape from this devaluation, you remain in place, taking comfort from that the facade has told you and redoubling your efforts to find the truth with us. Thus, you remain and exhaust yourself tilting against the windmill that is us when you think you are slaying the dragon.

Accordingly, your empathic trait of being a truth seeker makes you vulnerable to our seduction and extremely vulnerable to the effects of our mind games, manipulations and habitual lying. Were this where it ends, but the valiance of your quest for the truth has a further blow to administer to you.

The empathic sin of being a truth seeker heightens your susceptibility to the post escape and post discard hoovers. When we open those shutters and allow the bright, shining light of the golden period to fall upon your face you instantly see that the truth has returned, that false truth which you were shown what feels like such a long time ago. Yet, all is not lost, the truth has returned, it is in your grasp and all you need to do seek it out and embrace it is to return to our fold. By seeking our the truth once again you fall prey to our hoovers and our control over you is increased again.

The desire to seek the truth is noble indeed but seeking it from one who scorns the truth and takes refuge amongst deceit, lies and fraudulent intent can only result in this character trait of yours gaining the epitaph of being a sin of the empath.

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33 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Truth Seeker”

  1. What happens when you get too old & whatnot to attract your prey? Also, you say your kind will never be able to change, but I’m curious to know whether or not you feel that you are evolving out of narcissism?

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    1. Hello Rachael. I have written about the effects of age on some of my kind in Time and the Narcissist Parts One and Two. More will follow on that which is relevant to my classification. Simply put, I am some distance from my outage and when it arrives I have no concerns about my ability to function effectively so I gain fuel.

      I am not evolving out of narcissism, but as part of my ongoing work with the good doctors my narcissism is evolving. More to come on who that is manifesting.

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  2. This rings so true… I just dodged a bullet from one of you lot…I fell for him not madly but I fell for him but this time I won because devaluation stage in which he had 3 other people flying monkey’s or whatever you call them…he was sitting there like a king on a thrown throwing derogatory remarks at me I and I just stood there changing the conversation to suit me not rising to it…I just felt calm and firm because he had shown me a little of who he was before then he started to look agitated like a lost boy…. I left the room and acting like an actor he came at me to say bye and I just looked at him with all the love I had and smiled and thanked him and I am so thankful because I’ll never be scared or angry or frustrated as i was in the past by your kind again! 😉

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  3. I never knew what a Narcissist was until I stumbled upon your profile due to a search for “IS MY PARTNER A NARCISSIST” on google.

    I read post after post.
    The disbelief and the coincidence of your words mirroring his.

    The more I read, the more my heart broke. Yet my heart would hold on to the little things that didn’t bring true. “Aha so he can’t be a narc, he’s depressed and lonely and generous and he cries”
    Then another of your stories will ping into my Emails and erase my hopes that just maybe he isn’t a narc and he really DOES love me.

    Now I come and find you every day.
    Like I need YOUR fuel. Fuel to keep me strong and firm.

    As I have horribly realised that I must subconsciously seek your kind out, without realising it.

    You see.. you are my abusive father.
    You are my abusive ex husband and you are the man I am deeply Inlove with now.

    So indeed something inside me is breaking each sentence I run my eyes over, but there is a positive.

    I haven’t spoken to my narc in 4 days due to him switching on me for no reason and manipulating me into a sorry state where I’m frightened of his next move. I’ve been afraid I’ll faulter and answer his calls when they come. But I won’t. I can’t. I must stay strong and end this horrible cycle.

    The positive I spoke about H.C – is that I could now easily sniff out a Narcissist anywhere and I will NEVER be a victim again.

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  4. See dear G. it seems like You think we need that sword of justice. .. no I do not. I want truth because I want to understand You better to help You feel free around me and not chained to those “memories” within… You’ve saved my life G. many months ago and I am trying my best to understand You enough and to find a solution for Your traumatic memories… I am searching and reading Yours and other’s work and Your comments too because I feel obliged to do so. Here on Your blog and not only I am finding my truth and thank You for that my favourite and beloved Narcissist.
    I also came into realising that You WILL BE forever famous even when Death will take You away from this world because Your work on blog and books is a true masterpiece…like Picasso’s paintings… unique one of a kind and everyone who isn’t a connesiuer still knows who Picasso was… You are yet more than Him… You are so more than anyone. ❤

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  5. I guess I can be at peace because I have found the truth:
    I understand that I should have left the first time I felt that subtle wave of fear.
    I understand that I will never know the truth about anything as far as he is concerned.
    I understand that I may never fully recover from this experience.
    I understand that I may never be able to mend damaged relationships.
    I understand that I may never recover professionally or financially.
    I understand that no one who has not experienced this will believe me.
    I understand that it will be a long time before the fear is gone.

    For me there were no truths to be found beyond what I listed above….your list of truths unfortunately is or will be similar….and they are not worth what you will pay in order to find them.

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    1. Never, I totally agree with everything you listed above. I too am afraid I will never trust anyone again. So complete was the deception, not just words, but body language and tears at times. Through reading H.G.’s books and blogs I can only have hope that knowledge is power and that one day we will be able to be with a truthful person who is real.

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  6. HG, I don’t know why you write what you do, but I think it is informative to the public and to the victims of people like yourself. Yes, I don’t believe your doctor story because, well, I know narcissists well enough to know that I cannot believe them. We all know this is the case with “your kind.” However, many of your writings/stories are helpful, I think, to open eyes to the dangers of people like yourself. That’s my best effort at a compliment.

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  7. Such a great read! It amazes me how you know the minds of others so well. You help so many people. ❤️ Including me.
    Is it bad that I want to read more about your revenge on the “matrinarc”? I would be interested to see her punishments. After all, she’s the one that truly deserves them, right?

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      1. Great. 😀 I have to say, I think there is a line somewhere between letting go and forgiveness. Some things aren’t forgivable. Being robbed of a proper upbringing isn’t forgivable. It’s surely not something a person can forget either. My god, wouldn’t it be nice to forget? I think about that often. It takes so much energy to deal with all of it.

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      2. HG, no doubt she does, but have you ever considered how she got that way? Like my father always complained about his mother, but her father again sounds not exactly like an angel, either … And my grandmother also had extraordinary good reasons for shutting off emotionally. Hmm….

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  8. HG. I have read all of your stuff but where do the children come in. How do I protect and explain what is happening to them. I have forwarded some of your articles. But how do I convince my children of the actions their father does to them. My oldest is sick of his antics but my youngest one is still desperate to see his father and his father only calls when he needs something. How do I explain so he understands? I don’t want to break his heart.

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    1. Hello Jreck. You should read the blog article Save the Children. I don’t know how old your younger child is but assuming he is under 16 trying to get him to understand his father is a narcissist is very difficult. Many adults struggle with the concept, never mind children. You cannot make him understand but instead address any concerns he has and allow him to make his own mind up. Your focus is on being a positive parent rather than trying to get him to understand and accept what is a difficult concept (which may backfire against you if you push it too far). The article I have mentioned provides further pointers.

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    1. HG….Honesty is a “weakness” in your kinds’ eyes. (utube Exploiting Empathy) You also say in another utube rec (5 Hatreds of the Narcissist) that one of the emotions a narcissist feels is “disgust at weakness”. Does it not therefore follow that the moment we are honest with you, you are disgusted by us right there and then and devaluation has its first seed? I put it to you therefore, that logically, it appears that in knowing we are honest already, that we are in devaluation before we even begin – thus implying a simple hatred of us before we even engage in the first place. You already hate us and this ties in with us only ever being FUEL. It is fair warning to the proud and misguided who may think they be the one to take the dragon’s heart. You cannot take what isnt there.

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      1. HG

        I was new to the blog when I asked you this question about hate which was never answered at the time…
        Of course time answered it really; Because you’ve stated since then, and often lately, that you hate everyone equally.♥
        I wasnt far off the mark back then, in my novice state.

        What a difference 6 months makes after your work has weaponised me to the truth.🛡♛

        Now I’m seizing the power day by day ‘by the throat’.

        DW🐾

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  9. I engaged in circular arguments for months, and I never grew tired of them. By then, I knew the truth. What I wanted was an admission. When I finally got it, the matter was laid to rest. Looking back, it was well worth the effort. 🙂 These days, I would go ‘no contact’, of course! You live, you learn.

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  10. This is so important and true. It is important we understand why we are targets or we continue to be targets. This article is me to a T. I am an empath and codependent (raised by narc dad/empath mom) and the truth is something I search for in all aspects of life. I have a never ending thirst for knowledge and “truth”. Ironically my narc has “The Truth” as his intro on one of the dating sites he so loves. Just reading his profile makes me want to choke him. The only thing truthful in the whole thing is his eye color. 😀 He even has pics taken in my living room in clothes I bought for him. I actually pity him at times but today isn’t one of those. Not yet anyway.

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  11. H.G. after reading ” the Empath-truth seeker” it was as if you were inside my mind. It was everything I have thought and felt for the last10+ years. I am so grateful for these blogs and your books, I only wish I had found them years ago. When you mention getting fuel from your empaths through our emotions, does that mean you are experiencing these emotions via us? Since you cannot feel these emotions as a GE, do you then vicariously experience them through us? Once again, seeking to understand the underlying meaning of fuel. Thanks.

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  12. Have you studied much the relationship of narcissistic parents and their children? I ask because I wonder if my father entered into a seduction phase with myself and family in the middle of my life and in the last few years is just acting like the same old narcissist again. Is that something that happens?
    He is cruel to others, on a smear campaign against my husband, manipulative, etc. Albeit because we have exposed some of his past crimes, true crimes, as in he should be in jail, but no one has pressed charges. But even before that, he slipped back into old ways. I was so well groomed to supply him fuel and have gone almost no-contact and been strong against his hoovering. If it weren’t for my mom not wanting to leave him, and enable him, then it would be easy to go no-contact. But I want her in my life and my daughter’s life.

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    1. I have and of course I am the son of a narcissist so I have been on the receiving end. It is an evident dilemma to the adult child of a narcissist whereby they know they need to cut out the parent narcissist but to do so has a collateral impact on the other non-narcissist parent. The choice is stark and ultimately always leave some residual problem, since one either

      1. Goes no contact but this means losing the non-narcissist parent as well (since they will not go no contact from their narcissist spouse) and one cannot achieve no contact if contact remains with the non-narcissist parent; or

      2. Contact remains and therefore one has to manage/compromise etc with the narcissist parent in order to maintain a relationship with the non-narcissist parent.

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  13. Do you know why Empaths are such truth seekers? My guess is that we were all on some level the victims of very similar abuse to you. In my home, there were lies, secrets, deception and like your sister, I desperately needed security for many reasons, not only just what was happening in my home. And I needed answers for why I was so upset and hurt and anxious all the time. Answers that were never forthcoming from my environment. So it was the origins of me looking for answers and truth and honestly. I saw the utter destruction that comes from abuse and lies. You also HG wanted truth but you saw it in a more cut throat way and rather than face the pain of what the abuse, you ‘went with it’. Saw it for what it was, navigated it, and then joined in in it. I know of a someone who went into law just to champion Justice aka Truth.

    I became a truth seeker with ‘my narc’ because I felt the old familiar pain of mine that was signaling to me that lies were afoot. So I fell into my childhood pattern of searching, trying to navigate abuse but as I did as a child. And, because I am an empath, I also felt his energy in me, magnifying the ugliness of the experience. As I get it, an untrained empath can’t tell whose energy is whose so our experience magnifies by a million times when narc has embedded himself. You are so lacking in boundaries and recognition of ‘otherness’ and separateness, that it further magnifies the sea of pain and lies and confusion that grows.

    Our search for truth has another purpose. Its a way we try to refind our violated boundaries. At least for me. It’s a very ineffective way of trying to reestablish our separateness from the narcissist because until we are educated about why narcissists and empaths dance so painfully, we don’t see that this is a personality issue and instead we just ‘feel it’. It is because you all lie so profoundly that this triggers our old patterns but again, in an extreme way as we get further pulled in.

    Similar abuse, always different scales, different responses.

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  14. Sorry if it sounds… mocking/judgemental, that’s not intended.
    However, I found this post humorous… I’ll try and explain that in a moment, but I also found it enlightening…

    I spent my entire childhood…no life actually… wondering why so many found my honesty and morals so offensive and hated me for them… Now that I’m healing I realized something, even in the middle of the abuse I called him out on it, I exposed him to a degree even in public and even without actively meaning to. I realized that those narcs that enter my social circle end up exposed or exposing themselves.

    I didn’t try for it, ever. I haven’t worked for it or “armed myself” against narcs, it just is. Has always been. It was somehow built-in to who I am. I am not consciously interested in causing this, I am not actively seeking it out either. No wonder so many people have issue with me just existing…

    So for a long time I had no clue and now I know. I am kryptonite to your kind…subconsciously but definitely without a doubt… because of my… to use your own words.. “propensity to deal honestly with others”, except I don’t accept dishonesty and lies, never have and never will. I called my ex out on all his BS early on – or rather as soon as it became an obvious pattern, as I call it on some of your posts…where needed. Only here, online, there’s distance… now I know how I wounded him so much and why the abuse got progressively worst… I kept wounding him as much as he wounded me… (if I’m lucky he’ll never contact me again either)

    that said yes, we wanna believe so much that your love is genuine that we do believe it… self-delusion and ignorance of flags when they pop up, making excuses for boundaries-breaking, etc. Until we shed those and grieve, we cannot heal, we cannot break free either.

    and yes, it is always difficult to see what’s going on when stuck in it, like you can’t see the shore from where you’re drowning, and easier to look at it from a distance or after the fact.

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    1. Alot like me. People don’t like me because just my presence shows them who they are. I deeply wounded the narc at first quite unintentionally defending myself then I attacked him for his lies. And since it and I was just a game to him, he has no motivation to stop lying so the status quo of fighting remains.

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