But Why?


I have heard this said so many times, read about it from bewildered and perplexed people and know from experience the confusion that accompanies this question.

“But how could he do this to me after everything else? But why would he behave like this? But who would do such a thing as that? He said he loved me. I know he loved me. How does someone love someone else in such a perfect way and then act as if he does not even know them?”

I have written about how the empath likes to know everything. This is not because you are big-headed or wish to boast. You like to know everything in order to allow you to help. You need to understand a situation. It has to make sense to you. You must be able to comprehend what has happened and find some logical reason for the occurrence. This is why you spend so long trying to work us out. This is why when we are doling out the silent treatment you need to ascertain why we are doing it (I think now you understand we do it because we need to, not because there is a valid (according to your reality) reason for this behaviour). It is a natural empathic reaction. If you understand why something has happened you can then consider the ways in which it can be addressed, remedied and fixed. You want everything to be alright.

Accordingly, when our devaluation is unleashed against you it comes out of nowhere. Yesterday we held hands as we walked through the park together and kissed beneath the spreading oak. Today you have been subjected to a nasty period of name-calling and blaming. You are dumbfounded. Where on earth did that come from? In your reality it makes no sense at all. One minute everything is okay,nothing changes but then suddenly we are being horrible to you. It just does not add up. It makes no sense. It gets worse. Not only does it not follow in a logical sense since our response (viewed in your reality remember) seems random, how can a person who says he loves you then batter you with his fists, lock you out of your home, sleep rape you, smash up your car, spit on you and so on? Not only is it not a normal sequence of events if you love somebody then you just do not do that, do you?

This is what makes it so difficult for you to comprehend. We have conned you into thinking that we loved you. We gave you the huge seduction and dazzled you with the golden period. We know what you perceive love to be and we gave it to you in spade loads all manufactured by Narc Inc. Our production line went into over time creating these false acts and hollow declarations of love but you fell for it. You always do. Accordingly, you were duped into thinking that we loved you so that when we begin to devalue you it flies completely in the face of what you understand to be the situation.

You will sit for hours with your close friends and recite example after example of all the wonderful things that we have said and done and then ask,

“How can he hurt me when he loves me so much?”

It is utterly perplexing. Naturally there is method in this madness. If it made sense, if there was a logical reason for this volte face you are more likely to accept it and walk away. This twisted and nonsensical logic is purposefully designed to keep you with us because:-

  • You must know what has happened and make sense of it
  • You want to make things right
  • You want the wonderful golden period again
All of this keeps you right besides us. Guess what? We dole out even more awful behaviour and it still does not make sense and you still do not go. We give you a glimpse of the golden period and your confusion increases. He does still love me I knew it. Then the door is slammed shut and you are left confused yet again but even worse this time, the brief return to the golden period has given you additional hope. You still do not go.
For once, rather than looking at it through your own eyes, consider it from our point of view. The devaluation does not come out of nowhere. It does to you but not to us. It happens because you are not giving us our fuel in the strength, quantity and frequency we demand. That is the logic behind our change in behaviour.
Why is it then that we are able to hurt you when we love you so much? Again, look at it through our eyes and the answer is straight forward. We never loved you. Accordingly, we are not affected by what appears (in your world) to be a hurtful and contradictory shift in our behaviour. Let me help you further. To us you are just an appliance. Initially because this appliance does what we want we look after it. We clean it, maintain it and take pride in it. Then it goes wrong. It is too much effort to try and repair it. We are horrible to you in order to make you work in a different way rather than trying to repair you to run as normal. Remember how people would slap the side of their television to make it work or give the washing machine a kick in the hope of causing it to run properly? You are just the same. You are an appliance and we give you a boot be it figurative or literal to make you provide us with fuel of a negative nature. We eventually get fed up that you are not working as we want you to so we chuck you on the scrap heap like so many discarded fridges, computers and washing machines. We have seen a new, shiny model which has attracted our attention instead.
So when you sit and wonder why this devaluation has happened, why our behaviour makes no sense and how can it be that someone who expresses such perfect love can be so hurtful, you know the answer. It makes no sense in your world but every sense in our world where you are just an appliance. Perhaps you had better start thinking about making some self-improvements and increasing your longevity yes?

62 thoughts on “But Why?

  1. GG says:

    Hi HG. Was wondering why a narcissist should sleep rape his IPPS only a month into their ‘relationship’? Would it be for control, punishment or some other reason?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This would be too extreme an act for the purposes of testing and also pointless if he got away with it as there would be fuel garnered nor any appreciable response for the purposes of testing.

      Accordingly, this was done as part of the devaluation and it would appear that the golden period was short.

  2. GG says:

    Hi HG. Would be very grateful for a reply to the above. Thanks in anticipation.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello GG, in relation to what would you like a reply? The moderation process on word press makes it difficult for me to ascertain what people are referring to at times, hence I ask again. Just copy and paste what it is you want me to answer, if it is detailed and appertains to detailed personal circumstances a consultation is the appropriate way to go about it.

  3. GG says:

    Thanks for replying, HG and apologies for tardy reply. I must have double clicked on the ‘notify me of new comments’ button. At the time I was a IPPS.

  4. GG says:

    Firstly, may I thank you very much indeed for all that you have written on the subject of narcissism. It has been a life saver and most amusing too. My ex sleep raped me only a month into our ‘relationship’. Why? Was it for punishment or control? Why did he do it HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Were you an IPPS or an IPSS, GG?

  5. Snow White says:

    I know I had read this one before but I kept reading it over and over this time.
    I have been able to understand plenty from your perspective but all the times that you say “I love you” just clicked. The answer that you never loved us because you don’t love hit my thick head like a brick. I’ve seen you write it a thousand times but the kicking of the appliance stuck with me. It’s a great visual.
    All of your analogies are excellent.

  6. moxiesstone says:

    Will you expand on your teenage years? What were the first symptoms you experienced? Did the symptoms cause issues in school? Were you misdiagnosed prior to knowing the truth?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Moxiesstone, indeed I will, it is all in forthcoming publications.

  7. Maureen says:


    no matter the self-improvements, no matter the effort taken to improve our longevity…at some point– at any point– sooner or later, your boredom will rise to the surface, as it always does, and it will remind you that it’s time for the inevitable.
    let the games begin. 😊

  8. Redrider says:

    I don’t understand WHY they come back to an appliance after 20 Years that lives 500 miles away?!?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      For fuel. Because you have entered a sphere of influence in some way ( you may have just popped up in the sixth sphere) and the Hoover Execution Criteria are met, thus a hoover happens. Fuel is behind it all.

      1. Redrider says:

        What is a sixth sphere? And yes, looking at the situation now and understanding who he really is, the fuel makes sense. He is going through a nasty divorce and so am I. We were high school sweethearts(dated for 5 years) and he loves talking about how good I was to him. He hates who he was though back then(drinking, drugs and of course cheating) This has been going on for 6 months, with two in person visits. Will he eventually leave me alone? And thank you for giving me insight, nobody else seems to know what the hell to say lol

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Red Rider, have a read of the articles Spheres of Influence and Why Does he Keep Coming Back.

          1. Red rider says:

            Thank you!!! I did my homework and my head is spinning!!! He friended me awhile back on Facebook, heard nothing until my 40th birthday(sixth sphere). I have all 5 traits that he was looking for and sure he remembered. And I believe he’s keeping me around because of the fuel potency obsession. I will be having a few cocktails this evening while reading all of your writings;). I’m sure I’ll be back with more questions lol

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Enjoy your cocktails and my writing all the more.

          3. Entertainment says:

            Cocktails and your writings = salvage mode unleashed. Xanax and knowledge makes a better and calmer me. RR, enjoy the books are easy reads as well as very informative.

  9. Entertainment says:

    “I always was, always am and always will be!” There is no question or doubt, given that it is perceived as an irrefutable fact.

  10. Victory says:

    I knew my last “why” would lead to a new writing.. Thank you.

  11. Flickatina says:

    Why? Because Sir, you are a cad and a bounder. And as you pointed out in an earlier post – because you can.

    How very human to look for the rationale in everything. Most of the time there is no reason – there just is.

  12. Please cease supporting the autopilot feature that women must keep moving and disrupting their children’s social circles, schooling and remove the block that supports government decoys. Families are being coerced into destabilisation by the perpetrator and those in support of the perpetrator remaining entitled. They are one, victims are many- allow women and their children to remain in their homes and wake up to those perpetrators flying under the radar and believe women when they speak the truth. GPS tracking of perp’s was suggested tonight on ACA. Our government is at a loss to prevent the epidemic and it has no clue in how to handle this.

  13. It gets worse.Not only does it not follow in a logical sense since our response (viewed in your reality remember) seems random, how can a person who says he loves you then batter you with his fists, lock you out of your home, sleep rape you, smash up your car, spit on you and so on? Not only is it not a normal sequence of events if you love somebody then you just do not do that, do you?
    This is what makes it so difficult for you to comprehend. We have conned you into thinking that we loved you…..

    Is this an appliance not functioning as it should and it will take around 22 mins to watch this video of a young woman not functioning as the appliance that she should in my region. The above is written by HG Tudor and throughout his writing he spares no one the reality of the rage and malign manoeuvres of his kind, regardless of titles (Lee the L, Malcolm the M or Greg the G or elite). Yesterday four children have been left without a mother, as she was allegedly stabbed to death before he killed himself to escape accountability, again in my region.


    Please note the media and take note that although the full story was aired tonight on A Current Affair, giving details of how repetitively violent the perpetrator was, note the misleading of ? Murder suicide and ? if they are known to each other when he was red-flagged and yet regardless, a query would arise by those who should well know this perpetrators history!

    May I remind you that this is the GOLD COAST, tourist destination, dripping in wealth. Teresa had much come against her, many do in S.E. Qld. Her nursing degree was her ticket to establishing a better life for her children and back injuries caused through domestic violence don’t meld well with the establishment. This may place patients at risk, choose another career- it is your fault that your back was injured, your fault that rage is not contained in abusers, you had it coming!

    Tonight will be the last evening of devaluation for yet another woman and her children as her body is broken, her mind trampled on and she escapes for now with her life and that of her children. Those are just words, that mean little to anyone. The heart of the matter is the personal involvement, the tragic discard of the mother of a baby, the children and the intimidation that won’t end, because our attitude is tell to women to keep running! Where does this supposed energy come from and the endless $$$ pit of money? These women are shells, not unlike a veteran from Iraq only they don’t have service dogs to help them with the shock, the reality of what HG speaks of.

    Please cease supporting the autopilot feature that women must keep moving and disrupting their children’s social circles, schooling and remove the block that supports allowing the government to decoy where it should be providing limited to no destabilisation of the family unit in favour of the perpetrator. They are one, victims are many- allow women and their children to remain in their homes and wake up to those perpetrators flying under the radar and believe women when they speak the truth. GPS tracking of perp’s was suggested tonight on ACA. The epidemic is at a loss to prevent deaths, it has no clue in how to handle this.

  14. Pink Flamingo says:

    I’m thinking maybe I should become a narcissist. What good is being an empath if you get hurt all the time! Why would a narc want to become that?

  15. Brandie says:

    Reblogged this on Speak Out 4 Others .

  16. HG, are you and malignarc one and the same person?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  17. Nichole says:

    Dead on explanation- it has taken this empath lots of reading and introspective to see all of this so clearly now. Once your lightbilb comes on I don’t think you ever fall for it again. I did it twice before I woke up!

    1. I wish my light bulb would come on.

      1. Not So Sad says:

        It will in time Bwb . Keep reading , the answers are here . x

    2. You can do, so you still need to be very careful.

      It’s in our nature to trust and beleive people.

      We soon slip back into this state and can then be fooled again. Maybe not with the whole lovebombing thing because that is too obvious. But there are other relationships beyond that of PSIP where we can still be fooled.

      Well I was.

      1. And I really thought I knew it all!

      2. Snow White says:

        I hear you Alexis.
        I have felt that feeling since I have been back out in the world this past week. It is way too easy to fall back into the old patterns. I found myself being nicer than I wanted to be. It’s a habit. I talk way too much!!!
        I think I am going to have to work on keeping my guard up and mouth shut.
        But then even when I’m keeping to myself , which is almost 98% of the time, people talk to me and I don’t want them to. It happened at SAMs Club today and I thought, there is nowhere safe.

        Maybe I need to change my body language.

        1. Yes be careful Snow White. We Are N magnets remember. I went through the same stage as you wanting nothing to do with anyone. I’m back to my old self again but it’s not in my nature to auto assume the worst in someone, quite the opposite. I have to actively engage my brain to think the way they do.

          I’m a couple of years further down the line I beleive. 3 years. It’s funny though because of how HG explains everything, even when they do have a small win over you. It doesn’t hurt? Because you can just explain it away? Very surreal to b honest. Because we at least understand the game.

          Keep pushing forward lovely lady. But working on body language is a good tbing for sure!!

  18. Watermelon says:

    I have ‘why’ question. Why get in my face? When given the opportunity, race up here so fast that by the time I’d got wind of his imminent arrival it was too late. Why walk out of his driveway as he knew I was walking past (taking my son to the station), why email me a photo, why insist on dropping my son home when my son repeatedly said he would walk…he normally walks home (daylight, so was fine with me)…why do all of those things and then when I reply to his message with the photo, plus an email I’d sent, why ignore me?

    Why go to all that bother to get in my face if he doesn’t want to talk to me? I ignore people I don’t want to talk to.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Control Watermelon and fuel.

      1. Watermelon says:

        I hear he’s still doing it this week (I’ve been busy, so not in my usual places). His child is gravely ill, and he’s still playing.

        I was chatting to a friend yesterday about an ex boyfriend of mine who was a bit of a bully (but not a narc), I just couldn’t leave him. Then one day I realised what it was, it was the continual ‘but why’ questions that kept me stuck. Because by asking ‘why’, I was trying to make sense of it, which meant I felt I had some control. When I finally got it, that I had no control, nothing I did would ever change who he was, I let go and left him.

        It was so easy when I stopped asking why and just accepted some people won’t change no matter how many hoops you jump through. It’s them, not us. We all need to stop asking why, me included 😉

  19. Ollie says:

    Ouch… so painful this…

  20. MsSevyn says:

    Then they tell you, the whack was your fault!

  21. MsSevyn says:

    I still don’t understand why you can have a great day with them, then the next day has to be horrible. You enjoyed your day with me yesterday? Here’s your whack with a stick today.

    1. Brian says:

      Is it because they are not really enjoying it, and therefore get resentful? HG?

    2. MsSevyn from something other than the fuel provision it is because they must control. They may delude themselves into thinking they are in control by taking away the happiness you felt yesterday because in their eyes you must not get used to just helping yourself to the biscuit tin! One must not just expect such happiness, it is provisional and as we are an extension of their injuries (personality formation with perceived or real injuries) they must educate with an iron fist. The child of a narcissist must be kept quietly uncomfortable until the first seeds of resentment have been sowed and bloom. They are our new parent, the parent they received such from. You are Milton his brand new son! Regardless of our gender we are their son.

      1. MsSevyn says:

        Great explanation. The child of the narcissist must be kept quietly uncomfortable… – the empath child or the narcissist child? The MatriNarc expected well-behaved robots and anything outside of that ruined her plan for a good day “together”.

    3. Mikki says:

      Because those creatures makes no sense, they are Narcs. Better stay far away with no contact whatsoever once you spotted one.

    4. Brian says:

      After re-reading some blog posts I remembered that its because, it’s crueler to be mean to someone after being nice.
      You are being thrown down from a higher height.

      1. MsSevyn says:

        Makes sense.

  22. indiglowsky says:

    But WHY are your books taking so long, Tude Dude?? **with admiration and impatience**⏳📚🗓

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because rather than working on one through to conclusion, I am working on several so they are at different stages. Plus I have significant commitments in my professional life at present.

      1. ava101 says:


      2. indiglowsky says:

        Oh HG. You always have professional commitments! BTW, send men over on the Russian front. I think they are getting cocky😉

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They are not the only ones, hence why I am so busy.

          1. indiglowsky says:

            Oh ignore the Americans. We are just a group of uncouth trouble makers. They will keep you distracted from the real issues….like how to help the masses deal with being gas lit. Your expertise is needed Sir Tudes A Lot.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            But I like America and Americans.

          3. indiglowsky says:

            Oh HG, I do too. I love our country very much. And right now it is hard to not be scared. I wish she (the US), would remember her friends and not start hanging with the axis of evil. I’m not ready to be a part of the axis of evil. I don’t even have an evil laugh down yet. I need practice! Help HG, got a book in those fingers on how to survive child kings?

      3. Entertainment says:

        Time for the clone.😊

  23. Jreck says:

    So if I was married to him for 20 years I was just a means to an end?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  24. sarabella says:

    Ugly. That’s all I think he is now. Just an ugly, ugly half human.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Half is being generous.

      1. Sarabella says:

        I call him a creature. A reptilian brain in control of a human body. I was trying to be nicer! 🙂

  25. NoNarcs says:

    If I had a dollar for every time I said to a Narc, “I just need to understand…” oh well, another Narc would have just come and stole it anyway.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ha ha very good NN.

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