The Narcissistic Truths – N0. 200


22 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – N0. 200

  1. Kimberly says:

    As a female empath, I cannot understand why I never attract emotionally available men who are capable of genuine love and commitment. I am almost 56 years old, and I have yet to attract this kind of man. I would think with the qualities women such as myself possess, that good men would be drawn to them/me. I was in a 16 year marriage with an “Overt Narcissist”….I just exited a 2 month relationship with a “Covert”. I saw the red flags and walked away from the relationship. He was still in the love bombing phase, so it has been very painful for me to say the least. Painful because of the realization that all was a lie….painful because it’s yet another disappointment. My hoover came in the form of him hacking my phone and sending emails….crazy….emails from me to me from my phone! And, using my GPS through my phone to stalk me. It’s scary how easy this can be accomplished…just by having a phone number. I have since taken steps to prevent him access….and have disabled all GPS on my phone. Now….just silence. This shouldn’t be so difficult for me, but sadly it is. If this guy could have…would have been for real, it would have been an incredible love affair. Thank you, HG, for allowing us into your world, into your mind, so that we can at least get some relief from this pain through gaining some understanding and truth about our most unfortunate and painful experience. It’s helps. Hugs.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  2. noah80 says:

    Dear H.G. the hard truth is that everyone is out of your control. You can’t control anyone. It is just because everyone choose their own actions and words. You can manipulate and direct the choices of the victims for a few times…but when you aren’t in front of them, they are still alive, they move, speak (even among themselves), they discover things about yourself and the patologic relationship in which they are with you … and act … even against you and out of your control. That’s funny, isn’t it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Experience tells me to the contrary Noah80.

      1. noah80 says:

        Are you sure to know every single behaviour (or spoken word) of your prey? Are you sure that they are always off when you’re not there with them? Do you think that every your prey, especially if she is hurt, doesn’t think to revenge? You know very well this dangerous.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They may think it, but they won’t do it.

  3. indiglowsky says:

    The more one tries to control others through manipulations, the more the other persons responses influence one’s future responses. Yes. This is true. You give this power away, really.

  4. E. B. says:

    Have you heard about the Internal Family System’s therapy (IFS), HG? According to this model, everyone has a Self (the core part with good qualities), only that some people have little or no access to it. From what you have written, I think you do have access to your Self, HG. The Creature, who seems to control you, is one of your parts but it is not your Self.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No I am not familiar with that EB.

  5. Debbie says:

    Re: HG deciding to just ‘behave’ for want of a better word.

    Being aware of what we do is one thing…look at us for instance.. it isnt easy to just change behavior following abuse. If so after our narcs abuse we would just stop and walk away wouldn’t we.

    If it was as clear and easy as just deciding not to do things then none of us would even be here trying to make sense of our own relationships.
    We would just “decide” we were not hurt and move on.
    “Decide” not to have our behaviour and not do the things that we also do.
    For some, maybe it is a decision and they get through differently.
    Some people are psychologically damaged and end up doing what they feel they ‘must’ do.
    There is no condoning abusing others following abuse done, that is a given, however there would be no good doctors if all these acts were a simple decision on anyone’s part..

    Being aware of what you are and what you do is no guarantee that stopping is a mere decision.

    1. Entertainment says:

      I think we call those that decide to move on at the first sign of abuse, chaos, confusion, silent treatment, or discard as normal.

      The question is are we normal? Perhaps, it’s our empathetic nature, or perhaps it’s our own disorder that allows us to remain in dysfunctional relationships/faux relationships with the disordered person.

      Once we learn what and who we were or entangled with we must apply the same energy to correct our own behaviors as we applied to discovering who they are.

      Muster the energy to move forward not stagnant, fresh not stale, therefore give this process and expiration date. Yes, manage our lives by setting milestones/ benchmarks for grieving and moving forward. We are the owner of our bodies, if we don’t take care of it we will be evicted. (Mental or Physical death)

  6. Matilda says:

    true… when and how have you come to realise that, HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Recently. I do the controlling but I am always subject to the control of the need for fuel.

      1. Matilda says:

        Exactly. You are a slave to fuel. Imagine how much time and energy could be freed up if you did not have to hunt for it all day, every day!

  7. Flickatina says:

    HG – I realise the vast majority of your information relates to the narcissist/partner type relationship but have you written about other types of relationships – such as bosses/colleagues/friends? It would be interesting to see things from that perspective.

    Forgive me if books/articles on these already exist – I am making my way through your back catalogue but I can only read one book at a time and generally need something a bit more light-hearted after one of your offerings 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There are articles and pieces addressing those dynamic and there will be a dedicated book concerning Work and the Narcissist.

      1. Flickatina says:

        Thank you. I look forward to it.

  8. Flickatina says:

    This is why I don’t understand why you don’t want to change who you are? You clearly understand that you are controlled, trapped etc yet you persist with the delusion that you are in charge?

    1. musteryou says:

      Another interpretation of the meme is that the “I” which is controlled by the narc is “the creature”.

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    You control you. At the risk of being interpreted as criticism, you only think you control us.. It doesn’t make it any less painful to observe as we open our eyes.

    What were your thoughts as you posted this; HG?

  10. HG,
    The funny thing is that you can only ever control yourself. You can manipulate, connive, scheme, plot, trick, persuade others, but ultimately they choose. The choice is out of your hands.
    If “controlling” others helps you to feel order in amongst chaos within, then yes the more controlled you are. It’s a hard life to constantly worry about maintaining order. Sadly, from childhood I am sure you were stuck maintaining some type of calm and order within yourself waiting for Matrinarc to unleash the fury. It’s hard growing up in a state of high alert. Constantly on guard. It leaves you no time to try to be yourself and explore your own ideas, thoughts and feelings. You’re too busy trying to please them and revolving your world around them to even get the chance to figure out what you wanted. Narc Parents suck. That’s the bottom line. Also, to turn it around and do the same to someone else so you get to take the parental role sucks too. Unless of course you get yours right? *Cue Janet Jackson Control*

  11. sarabella says:

    Yup, its what I told you. Slave of your own slavery.

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