The Pursuit of Revenge
I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage. I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred. Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you no that pedestal. Of course you did not. Who would? Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.
You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred. Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull you hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate. Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me. I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you do deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel. You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need. So please, seek your revenge. You will not get it but I will be delighted seeing you try.
319 thoughts on “The Pursuit of Revenge”
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is it a full moon or something?…. some weird ass crazy talk going on around here lately! :-O
H.G, by your definition, I *think* i am a super empath. Some days, I think ‘stuff him, he’s not even worth my head space, let alone expending time and energy on revenge, I just want to forget he ever existed!’…. other days, I am so cut up about the injustice of it all and would like nothing more than to bring him down a notch or two! I guess this is the head v heart battle you’ve explained about (still not properly in control of my emotions, although I am not displaying them except to a very chosen few). I am hoping that eventually, one thing or the other will happen and he will become utterly irrelevant to me. Please tell me this is possible 😉
Hello PD, yes it is possible.
It is a full moon 🌚
Wow
i didn’ t expect to stir up such a storm … more like a tsunami..
😂😂😂😂😂
sorry people..
it must be the after effect of being savagely trown down the pedestal after 8 years and kept on devaluation and chastisment for the last 2 years.. and now suddenly subjected to sudden constant intense love- bombing with promises attached..
quite confusing and insanely unsettling.. woulnd’ t all of you agreed..
😈
Maria, Italian men in my experience have been the most charming, seductive, and passionate of them all. Your culture is the epicenter of love and romance. I can only imagine how you feel after an 8 year golden period!
This is my favorite Italian song of all time.
https://youtu.be/3hOYrpUKJ3Y
I have absolutely no problem with hate & revenge .
After the 15 years of hell he put me through, will I leave him to walk off into the sunset ? .. not a chance .
For now I’m biding my time, letting the dust settle then the gloves are OFF . I’m still holding the ace card, his Achilles heel & he knows it which is why I think to an extent he’s left me alone.
The bitch side of Not So Sad will destroy him financially. I can’t wait ! 🙂
I plead insanity you can vouch to that. As Maria stated maybe 1 year in mental facility. After all during your smear campaign you warned everyone of my mental instability. Many have witnessed my outbursts, withdrawal from things and people I used to enjoy. You were right, I finally snapped. Or snipped (pun intended)
Patience is a virtue. Good for you in your methodical approach.
Yes it is a virture. I have very little of it at times. I see you lost your with the asshat ex. Why do they use the kids to hurt us and it is the children who suffer.
Stay strong MLA, this too shall pass.
Thanks MLA .
He was always motivated by money, spent most of his waking moments thinking about ways to make more with as little effort as possible, so when I finally expose him it’s gonna hurt! …. Ohhhh what a shame hey ….. 🙂
Plus when we empaths who have been driven insane by you Narcs.. become truly boundless ..we might think that castrating you could be a very charitable good deed..
we will truly save you..
😂
If you did manage to pull something like that off, which you never, ever would we would still win because:
A) you spend the end of your days rotting away in jail
B) everyone would see just how truly insane/crazy you are
C) plastic surgery can truly do wonders these days
The end.
Duh. Right out of HG’s playbook. I believe he said this in his earlier post except for the plastic surgery.
I swear I think this is one in the same. Just HG’s pretending to be a female.
No it is not me at all.
Ok if you say so. I would question the plagiarism going on.
I do say so.
Loud and clear, I hear you.
Marvellous.
AH OH,
Duh. Big shock that I agree with and view things in much the same manner as HG.
Although, there are a few ways in which I am different from HG so to say we are one and the same is not only ridiculous, it is completely ignorant.
I am not sure what has your panties all in a bunch lately AH OH, but it is getting a bit tiring.
If you think, for one second, HG would have the time or the need to post/respond under multiple aliases here, then it is unfortunate your thinking is so degraded and deluded.
Your MO is obvious, it is just not all that interesting to me.
I can appreciate your mindset as being the same if you are a greater narc female version. I just question, at times, your posts. They are his words many times. I would think you could be more creative, being a female greater. Just my thoughts. I guess I was giving you more credit.
Perhaps you engage with HG off the blog and discuss what you should post. God forbid you outshine him.
You do not seem original.
Ah Oh,
You are the one who has chosen to label me a Narc and a Greater at that. I never labeled myself as such and would not because I am not diagnosed as having NPD, which I have stated numerous times.
As for not being original, does that not pretty much stand to reason seeing as our kind are known for mirroring, trait stealing and mimicry?
To use your oh-so-eloquent turn of phrase most aptly – duh.
My reasons for being are completely different from HG’s and thus, the way I operate and view things does not correspond exactly with the way HG operates and views things.
I am original in many ways and in many ways I am not. Such is the nature of our kind. Originality is not a priority, it can actually be a detriment to our kind in some ways.
So though your statement was meant to offend me, it did little more than state the obvious.
“As for not being original, does that not pretty much stand to reason seeing as “our kind” are known for mirroring, trait stealing and mimicry?”
YOU JUST CLAIMED THE TITLE WITH YOU ABOVE STATEMENT.
You are delusional B_E and I would venture to say a fraud.
I have studied enough to know you are not a Narc but one who has a disorder but it is in Narcissism.
It gets very old reading your plageriasm of HG. Many contribute on here with meaningful posts but yours is “Hey, I am not a narc but I can write exactly what HG writes”
You need to find out exactly what you have because it is very clear to me you are not what you claim to be or not be.
I am not here to do battle with you but people do come for truth from HG (5 rules has him being truthful) and learning of ourselves. To me all you do is muddy the water with your claiming to be or not to be a Narc.
You are no more a Narc than I am a Queen.
Be true to yourself and with us. As we will still be here for you.
Sorry but you are not original.
I stand by what I wrote.
I am sure others will see soon enough. Your BS gets old.
Your kind
Our Kind
Greater Kind
How about Fucked Up Kind?
You are a fraud and you know it and it must chap your ass that I can see right through you.
As far as HG and what he thinks. I bet he really could not give a damn about any of this. So copy him all you want. He loves the drama.
Cash me outside
how bout dat?
I know you are a fraud. FOR A FACT.
Again you say you are a narc the post today. Make up your mind.
The cash me outside, was tonge in cheek because you talk so tough but I know you are not.
I wish I could post on here why I say you are a fraud but our host will not let us write anything personal. BUT YOU ARE A LIAR. I detest liars.
Just read how often you claim to be a narc.
Yes, I do bring a cannon to the battle and I believe I have written it three times in the past 10 months as the story does not change, unlike yours.
You will be exposed at the right time and it will be by your own undoing.
If everyone knew what I do, they do will be disgusted with your BS.
I am not insulting you, I am only speaking the truth. It is just what I do.
I believe the “Cash me outside” goes very well with your comment on Roller Derby.
(Kidding aside this young girl is a sad case and her mother needs a beating) 2 of my sons are well educated ,engineers, one electrical the other mechanical. I worked hard at motherhood. How about your child?
The fact you know I repeated something tells me you read what I post. You are correct in saying I do not read all of what you post because of what I do know.
I do not have the need to be anyone other than who I am. I do not have the need to claim to be anything other than what I am.
BE, it is sad you are not forthright.
I gave you a chance to be honest.
Ah oh
Reverse that….
😉😘
B.E.
You have a penis? I hear penis prosthetic surgery is on the rise.
Entertainment,
I have a penis, a vagina and tits – triple threat right here.
Would you like to tell me to go fuck myself – because I can. 😉
Of course not I would never speak to you in that tone. I only asked because you stated we will still win and the plastic surgery comment. The appropriate question should have been are u male . I assume based on prior comments you were a female. But it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try. Not bad at all I prefer screwing myself than a narc any day. I think if most women on here purchase a rabbit and clit stimulator. They would forget all about the craziness bought on by narcopaths.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Wait.. Bloody Elemental
Wow! i’ ve just got it that you are here as a Narc.. right??
Okay
a) no true. Nowadays the “empath driven insane” would probabily be out in max 1 year
b) everyone would clap hands at the empath prison’s exit
c) who would be fooled by a rubber dick??
The castration would be the only delicious revenge and a match for the Narcs’ s treatment..
However don’t stress yourself..
it is true that no man have the guts to do that… but it has happened before.. so maybe ” someone ” amusingly wispered in my subconscious that..?
A warning to you confidents Narcs?
I wish that this part of the blog was read by all the Narcs on planet earth and that every time they’d get their dicks out will go floppy from fear..
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Maria,
Unplugged. 😊😊😊HG, we could never imagined you with a rubber ducky. Look at all the good you have done. Maria, you have seized the power. The rose that grew through the concrete.
Good for you and of course I would be remiss not to give HG his credit.
Maria,
A warning? I can assure you your words do not strike fear into this poor excuse for a heart of mine. Your words would do little to frighten any one of our kind, let alone cause any dicks to shrivel.
They may, however, incite one of our kind to target you and put you in your place.
The problem with your theory is that if an empath was driven to such lengths by one of our kind, it is the empath who would appear utterly insane. We would see to it. There would be no one there to clap for you upon your release because we would ensure your name and reputation are smeared to the maximum.
If you did attempt to tell anyone it was us who drove you to commit such a heinous act, few would believe you – most especially if you were dealing with the Greater of our kind.
You have to ask yourself if your act of “revenge” is worth your complete, total, utter destruction at our hands.
AH OH,
The definition of plagiarism is as follows: the “wrongful appropriation” and “stealing and publication” of another author’s “language, thoughts, ideas, or expressions” and the representation of them as one’s own original work.
Quite often, when I have read and agreed with something HG has said, I preface my own commentary with, “As HG already stated” or “As HG has expressed numerous times” etc. I have no issues giving him the credit he is due – he is brilliant.
Unless HG has created a new category of Lieutenant called “Principle Protector from Purported Plagiarism” <—-I came up with that all by myself – how's THAT for originality! – or has made you his official "Blog Police" I do not know where you get off trying to suggest I am doing anything of the sort.
It also surprises me that someone who purports to have such a fulfilling, busy, wonderful life has nothing better to do with her time than be "concerned" about the alleged plagiarism taking place here on the blog.
HG has certainly never come down on me for stealing anything of his and it is not something I would ever do because I respect him and because I have no need or desire to.
You certainly like to give yourself far more credit than you are due, Ah Oh. That is a fact I can attest to as I have seen you do it numerous times here on the blog.
As for your comment about my not being original, you clearly missed my point, which was that we are not original when we are engaging in mimicry and trait stealing. I am original when I take off the mask and drop the façade, but that is most rare.
I already stated, a few times in fact, that I was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) when I was a child. In fact, NarcAngel and another person on the blog asked me some questions a while back and I gave my history, explaining what I am and why I am.
One thing I have noticed with you, Ah Oh, is that you often speak before you think or read, and while that often causes you to appear clueless and ill-informed, it is something I have been able to overlook.
When I say I am not a Narc, it is because that is not what I am. Those who are less interested in running their mouths and are more interested in learning know exactly what I mean when I say that and they know that I say it because I do not have NPD. As I have said a number of times, I am not solely defined by my narcissism.
For those who pay attention and are interested, there is no muddying of the waters, as you suggested. In fact, you are the only one to suggest that this is the case.
I certainly agree that there are many here who contribute thoughts, opinions and experiences that are intelligent and thoughtful and encourage open, honest and interesting debate. You, on the other hand, are constantly repeating yourself, sharing the same anecdotes and recollections over and over and over again or trying to create drama with others. I have lost count of how many times I have read the “he always said I brought the cannon” anecdote and it makes me wonder whom your are trying to convince of your moxy – yourself, everyone else, or both? When you are not doing that, you are attempting to start shit with and provoke me for absolutely no reason and then you get offended when I counter you.
I could care less what you think about me, Ah Oh, as your existence in this world is of absolute zero import to me. It does not “chap my ass” to use your vernacular, because you do not see through me. Far from it. It is that your observations are rooted in your own vanity, ignorance and failure to pay attention and understand.
It is clear though, based on your response to me, that my presence here certainly chaps your ass, dear Ah Oh.
It is wonderful that you have studied so much about narcissism and the like and that is something I highly encourage. But I have been the way I am since I was a small child and have been surrounded by those similar to me for my entire life.
You think you know everything and if something does not fit your understanding, way of thinking or experience you are quick to dismiss it as wrong or fraudulent. If narcissism is what you have studied then I am sorry to say, you know absolutely zero about me and my disorder. Narcissism is a big part of APD but there is much more to it than that.
It stands to reason that I would agree with much of what HG expresses, describes and asserts and I will not go into detail about why that is because anyone worth their salt would know exactly why that is and not question it. That being said, HG and I are quite different in some respects, a fact I have, once again, mentioned numerous times here.
From day one you have attempted to instigate and argue with me; called me a fraud; and uttered inane and false accusations that HG and I are one and the same. Your accusations are the result of your own inattention and ignorance and despite that, I have always responded in a civil fashion. I have been courteous and respectful of you.
As I stated in a previous post, your MO is obvious and predictable. If anything, dear Ah Oh, I can give you kudos for never deviating from your script, as off-base and mired in ignorance as you are.
Instead of erroneously calling me out and attempting to discredit me, maybe you should get your head out of your ass and actually read the comments and responses you claim to value so much. I am certain if you did, your observations about me, and many others, might at least be based on some sort of fact and, if we are really fortunate, might make the tiniest bit of sense.
Also, your “Cash me outside” reference speaks volumes to me.
It does not surprise me in the least that you would quote an irrelevant, ignorant, piece of trash like Danielle Bregoli in order to get your point across to me.
Maria,
The gifts that keeps on giving or not.
Entertainment
what do you mean?
Maria
Removing it will be a gift for self.😊 And just think of all the others you will save once they see the rubber floppy ducky. Of course, they want realize you have giving them the gift of life and a sound mind.
@ Maria no need to cut off any Narcs body parts- Narcs hate their bodies- in line with Body Dysmorphic Syndrome, a mental disorder of obsessive pre-occupation that their appearance is flawed. This correlates with the Narcs self hatred. Their Fantasy Self will say “I am good looking” but it is all a lie, and the Narc knows this.
Narcs usually have weight problems and fear ageing and getting old. Body image, weight and ageing are VERY sensitive issues to a Narc. Sex with a Narc is usually a 2 minute affair anyway.
It is better to ‘cut’ the Narc off completely. This fuels their angst, the knowing that they may never again have your attention, their knowledge that you have rejected and abandoned them forever. This is a torture and punishment the Narc never recovers from, or they would not look for another person to fulfill that need again.
Not at all. I do not hate my body. Some may do, some do not. I know I am good looking because I see it and more so because people have commented as such (and do so before any comment or action on my part). I have seen many of my kind who are good looking.
It is also incorrect to state that narcs usually have weight problems. No we usually do not. Some may have, but a lot do not because Somatics and Elites look after their bodies because of the reliance on appearance.
Stating sex with a narc is usually a 2 minute affair is also incorrect. That may be the case with some (as it may well be the case with some normal) but for my own part and also the many comments I have received from those engaged with our kind, it is quite the contrary.
It is correct to state that we hate losing the emotional attention of an appliance however it is incorrect to state that we do not recover from it, because we do. We either manipulate that individual to gain their fuel once again or we seek it elsewhere.
HGTV,
The response below is suspected. Really you recover from the hate you harbor from losing emotional attention from an appliance.
There’s nothing to recover from you move on. Your response in totality is a emotional response I see Santa helpers are back at work.
“It is correct to state that we hate losing the emotional attention of an appliance however it is incorrect to state that we do not recover from it, because we do. “
This made me laugh. 🙂 I might have a lot of complaints about my various types of ex-narcs, but I have 0 complaints about their looks and their bodies. Enjoyed them very much. Absolutely 0 weight problems. Sex was absolutely not just a few minute affair, oh, no. 🙂
Don’t know about the aging, because that wasn’t an issue either.
Al
really???
NO.. !!!!!!
Anyway.. i dont think i will have the stomack to really do it..
Just came in my mind as an idea what could cure a Narcs forever.. but then .. i think it would not, as it is more a ” mind factor” rather than bodly parts.
So, yeah.. i am not that psyco after all..
As always, HG is spot on. How unoriginal of me.
You are way off base, Al.
I am female and I have no issues with my body, weight or self-image at all. Quite the contrary. I know I am beautiful because, like HG, I see it myself, and because people always comment on how lovely I am (my face, my eyes, my hair, my physique, etc).
As for sex, I quite enjoy sex with my own kind because their desires and proclivities often match my own. They find my lack of inhibitions and penchant for the extreme highly exciting. The men and women of my own kind I have bedded have never failed to deliver in the bedroom. Ever.
Sex with “normals” varies – some are tremendous lovers, others are too vanilla for my liking, which is just one of many reasons I am always on the prowl for bigger, better, more.
Generalizations are not only inaccurate, they are ignorant.
I have crazy craving today..
hehehehehehe…
😁
The only effective revenge would have to turned them into ” eunuchs ”
and in order to acheive that, a sharp dagger is needed to be able to cut off their genitalia.
😎
Which if you ever had the minerals to go through with it (and most of you would not) you would end up in prison and we would gain fuel from showing just how crazy you were. Ineffective revenge.
Effective revenge HG Tudor Sir
very effective..
😋
Not at all. Try it and see what happens to you.
Amongst your other disorder we would claim you suffer from BIID. At your request instead of cutting off a limb your request was to cut off your penis. 😊😊😊Of course we have participated in other serial fetishist at your demand this didn’t seem any different.
I refer you to my earlier answer
There have been fed up crazy empaths in my Country Italy that have done that ( been driven crazy by their Narcs.) . . and they were even beeing justified by the law..
😎
I have no doubt that that is the case Maria, I simply make the point that it would be a bad move for anybody to try such a thing with me.
Agreed. Not proper revenge, but I could still “get some” in prison and amuse myself with the thought of you rubbing your little stump between your thumb and forefinger like a strand of catholic worry beads and crying. Bwa hahahaha
Never going to happen to me. Maybe a less effective member of the brethren but not me.
HG
I know, I know, by you I meant they and Im of course just pulling your…..um…..chain! Thats it! chain.
Thats not my style.
NA we can’t be hurting HG, who else would there be to show the way to freedom, Sam what’s his name i think not
Twilight/Dawn
Hurt HG?
I have no plans to call on him. The world is more interesting with him in it
(Hannibal Lecter)
HG fears not the physical violence of others.
I was teasing NA.
Twilight/Dawn
As was I. You get a pretty good read on most commenters in time as you read their posts, so I assumed you were kidding. I can however blow hot and cold so maybe I should go back to putting lol after my comments. Lol.
NA I knew you were, it’s not often I want to jump in on things
Stay yourself keeps things amusing! By the way Best Buy guy said you need to “encourage” me into a new lap top (spill a drink) I keep looking at the mac. He says I need to upgrade, I just laugh and say when mine decides to take a bath I will.
Twilight/Dawn
I just bought the Ipad Pro (12.9 inch). The case has integrated keyboard that you can wipe clean as its moulded with no space between the keys to trap food, or in your case-spilled drinks. Highly recommend it. Unless you just keep doing that to have an excuse to see Best Buy guy.
Lol NA ah the Best Buy guy, I have the wrong equipment for his taste he is into bats and balls.
NA,
I don’t know if you were cold or hot..maybe warm on the day you said ” I think she was rode hard and thrown out wet or just tired from her narc husband poking her in the back all night ” paraphrasing. But, I bet even HG spit his team out that day.
H.G.
How do you like your coffee? 😊
I don’t drink coffee
I know you enjoy spirits. That will work. Your favorite drink will have a special ingredient. It will enable you to get the well deserved sleep you desperately need.
😂😂😂😂
Omg Maria… and Narc Angel “rubbing your little stump” and HG’s response… “not me.”
I’ve had my laugh for the morning 😂
Do you prefer tea HG? Why don’t you drink coffee? Did you promise Matrinarc not to do any drugs? 😉
Ha ha no, I’m just not interested in coffee. Simple as that.
After everything I have read, heard, saw and experienced of your kind HG, not liking coffee is the most disturbing.
Irridessa
The only disturbing part is it may not be true. It serves him to not like coffee right now.
It still doesn’t prevent him from being subject to having his penis detached. 🙂
Try it. See what happens to you.
This talk of dismemberment is unsettling unless you sexually abused a child. It doesn’t sound like it. Btw….I won’t he sending any pamphlets from funeral homes. They just predicate what is inevitable and what you know. I’m cranky and just need to deal. If you are honest here, you will understand.
I have no interest in children.
I love coffee but cannot drink a lot of it. One cup and I want to run, laugh and scream at the same time.
This conversation reminds me of my father-in-law. He was the only scary-malignant narc I’ve been involved with. He ran illegal poker games for a living and intimidation was an important part of his business. When his intimidations got him threatened with being sued for all he had or thrown in jail for the rest of his life, he would transform into the scariest looking person I ever saw and say, “Maybe so, but by God your (insert body part) will still be (insert mutilation)! And there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that he was totally serious and no consequence or opinion would stop him. But then, he was a very tough, somatic narcissist. I’m not sure anyone with all their feelings and emotions intact could pull that off. Certainly if he HAD been put in prison, he wouldn’t have given a damn whether anyone else thought he was crazy, whether they were laughing or whether they felt he’d had revenge or not. HE was in control, HE chose his path and no one else’s opinion was important.
I am not for castration but abuse does mitigate the sentence. The trick is to be able to prove it. With a greater, that may be a chanllenge but…. With HG’s work and expertise, who knows, it may become easier to prove such abuse. 😉
Read below…
Lorena Bobbitt speaks out 21 years after she sliced off her husband’s penis as she reveals the incident didn’t hurt her dating life and she now has a partner and daughter, 8
Lorena Bobbitt famously sliced off her husband’s penis in 1993 with a kitchen knife as he slept – before driving away and throwing it into a field
Surgeons successfully reattached John Wayne Bobbitt’s penis
She was found not guilty due to the abuse she suffered at his hands
The 44-year-old now has an eight-year-old daughter with her long-term partner and works in real estate in Virginia
She admitted that she felt bad about the incident in 1993
What a horrible thing to do to a beautiful part of the anatomy! In my eyes both these male/female parts are true art. You can see their representation in so much of nature. Ex. Rock formation, orchids, clouds, etc. Why ruin God’s masterpiece?
Love,
Our hearts are just as beautiful why ruin such a wonderful masterpiece. Our hearts and souls are interchangeable with narcs.
I agree Entertainment. All parts of us, heart, mind, body, and soul are God’s masterpiece. However, it takes someone of an empathic nature to truly appreciate the beauty of it all.
I like what Al said about already getting revenge whenever we questioned our Narc loosening the mask. That’s a good indication of a discard I’d suppose. Discards = blessings in disguise.
HG how does it make you feel to be regarded to as “it” in the above comments?
It did not concern me as I could see it was being done to prove a point.
I would regard it as a criticism in my private life however.
Snow White
forgive the question:
but are you a female or a male?
i cannot understand it by reading your posts.
Hi Maria,
It’s a confusing, messed up story.
Sorry, I’m not making it clear enough for all the newer readers to this blog.
I’m a female who is married to a man.
I met my female ex Narc at my gym. She became my best friend and then I ended up having an affair with her. My life has completely changed.
Have a good evening.
Snowwhite,
I assume your husband does not have npd. I can see how devastating this must have been for you. To learn it all was manufactured and engineered by a narc. I am happy you and your daughter have open communication. It’s hard coming out of the closet to family when you are attracted to the opposite sex and most of the time they know but remain in denial. But, to have someone that know you are married intentionally manipulate you into to an alternative relationship knowing they are incapable of love. You put your all into that person, because I am sure a lot of people turned their backs on you. The person whom you’ve trusted discard you like a piece of paper. 🙁😢I am happy you are on your way to successfully healing and building healthy relationships.
Hello Entertainment!
Thanks you for all kind words.
My husband does not have npd.
You are correct. He does have some traits. I’m learning a lot about patterns.
And what’s worse was my ex had a finance at the time that she later married.
She was so manipulative and I still am in shock that someone could plot the whole thing. It’s crazy to me. The knowledge that I have learned here has been immensely helpful.
I gave her anything and everything because I wanted the best for her. I loved her and wanted to make a difference in her life. I was one of those people who thought it was fate. HA… I will never say that again. Lol
I remember when I wrote to HG that I could finally see that she used me and it hurt like hell but it was the truth.
It’s a long road to recovery and healing.
I appreciate everything that you said.
❤️🍎❤️
Snow white,
My heart truly goes out to you. But, most of all I can say I’ve witnessed your immersed improvement. The key to your healing is contingent upon on you. I’ve watched you progress from victim to victor continue moving forward. Laugh, joke, enjoy, love, and most of all see and embrace hope for the future. Rather it’s with male or female companion love thyself first. Be selfish without regards to others. God Bless and continue healing.
H.G. interactions with you makes me question his motives in regards to the good doctor’s. My observation, he’s always handled you with care.
I am sure you provide him with more info one on one. 😢
Awww Entertainment, you make me want to cry.
You are too kind. It is nice when others can see your progress. Thank you for noticing. Sometimes I question the progress. I knew when I left that relationship that it would take a long time to get over but I had no idea what I would learn and what was to come.
It’s been a long 10 months.
Thank you for all your well wishes!!!!
And I wish you all the peace and happiness that you can find. ❤️
HG has been an excellent teacher. He has given me many answers. Some very detailed and some short. They come across loud and clear to me. I need the brutal truth from someone I trust.
I do trust him.
Snow White. I want to trust him…that word “want” mixed with that other feeling ‘trust” . i hate that I’m not there yet…and ashamed…as i should be.
Ik Jaded….. it’s pretty bad that the only one I trust to give me the right answers and to completely understand how I feel is the one who is the same as my ex.
But he’s been completely accurate in all of his articles. He has given me the answers to my “whys”
No reason to feel ashamed. I go through my days still thinking that people have an agenda. I don’t know that I will ever have that feeling of true trust again.
Snow White. Someone might be coming back into my life. This person…if I had a soul would be its mate. Our relationship is purely platonic. I keep waiting for the jk. Circumstances between us ended a month before i found here. It wasn’t a falling out. The thought that he might be re-entering my world leaves this weird and happy feeling. I’m waiting for the jk, though. So be it.
Snow White,
Proceed with caution you appear to be to sweet and at times a little naively in a good way. Watch for all the signs ask a lot of questions about prior relationships.
Listen to me😊like a concerned sister or mother. Just be careful, even on here people attract to your kind spirit.
Thank you for watching out Entertainment. I appreciate your advice. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hi Jaded,
Are you hopeful or wishing that your friendship will start right where it left off? I can sense excitement and hesitation but I think that’s perfectly normal. Has it been almost two years?
I look at people soo differently now and I don’t think it’s that bad that we think with hesitation now. I need that thinking because my brain still feels clouded.
It’s good to feel excitement in your life.
It makes you feel alive and I do believe you have a soul somewhere in you Jaded! It might be hiding or caged.
I have lots of emotions and my heart and soul in hiding. Lol
It’s too early. My walls are way higher and stronger now. Physically we haven’t seen each other in 5 years but we talked every day until he left area about 11 months ago. It was purely geography. It still reenforced that my soul was maybe not completely lost until he left. Then the weird of me finding this site when I felt completely lost…in tandem with N2 hoovering me… Like I said, the past has changed me and my walls. Our correspondence has been as twisted as ever. He is the closest to a mate my soul will have. He has saved my life. That is the past though and this is now. We will see. I can’t deny the life I feel with him whe. We communicate. TMI.
Jaded, I totally understand that it’s too early. You will know when the time is right. I have seen all sorts of time frames on this blog concerning when people are ready to move on. I have given up on doing what people expect. I take it day by day. No one understands like the people on this blog or HG . Maybe things will work out for the two if you.
Good luck. ❤️
Thanks. If it works out it will be purely platonic. Ha. Something must be in water. I actually initiated plans with someone. Again, platonic. Start small.
Snow White,
Kudos to you, soon you want remember what she looked like.😊 I wish you the very best in your future endeavors. Usually, I would say trust no narc but I trust and rely on the information provided by HG. He’s spot on and everything I’ve learned from him is invaluable. I am a little weird so I don’t mind breaking no contact with the lessor to use him as a H.G. experiment. He always pass with flying colors. (Tried and True)😊 Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about the lesser to mid but it’s coming.
Thank you for your wishes!!!!
Enjoy your experimenting with the narc. Lol
Even though I will always have to keep my guard up I do enjoy reading about others messing with their exes and the stories about revenge.
The irony
You mean you had an intimate affair with another woman??
wow?
i think women Narcs are worse than Narcs men..
😜
Yes Maria,
She was very good at her craft and I’m thankful that I found HG because my cognitive dissonance was extreme and I might have went back to her. She played me from day one and I had no idea.
Snow White do you prefer women over men now? This is very common. It goes both ways too. My friend, who is a shrink, said many men who live a straight life have men lovers on the side.
Hello Ah Oh!
Well if I wasn’t still married I could go either way. I enjoyed being with a woman very much and that could be the initial sex that I would seek out. No more threesomes though. Lol
I can’t imagine being back in the dating game again. I wouldn’t be able to trust anyone. I think everyone is playing a game now. HG has a lot of warnings and for me I would be listening to them all.
Do you prefer lipstick femme?
Ah Oh,
That would be a description of me. Lol
Always in a dress, heels, and I love makeup.
I prefer the opposite of me.
My ex lived in athletic apparel and zero makeup.
But it’s the personality I would be drawn to. That’s what sucked me in.
Her charming (fake) personality.
Sad face Snow. Sorry
I am both. In gym clothes most days but can play dress up.
Did your husband ever find out?
He was suspicious of my ex from the beginning Ah Oh.
He had a gut feeling that it turned intimate and he knows all about it.
Not all the details that I share here though.
This is my safe place to share, ask questions, and confess.
Thanks HG
She was filling an emotional need for you and it became physical.You can find another female that can fulfill these emotions needs. Men can not. Period.
Hahahah G. HG what if it’s an IPSS who caught you cheating?
If it is an IPSS who is a friend with benefits IPSS they may not be unduly concerned at such a discovery. If they were, it matters not to us – it is fuel and of course we are entitled to do as we please without accountability.
So interesting…I’ve learned so much
I thought , maybe I will slap his face if he touches my ass ”accidentally” again..If it would happen again.. I was wondering what would be his reaction.
It depends where it happens. He may laugh it off in order to belittle you or he may hit you back. Depends on what type of narcissist he is and where it takes place.
well, if he touches me “accidentally” as he says, it will be probably in a place where we are alone. Since he is a teacher , he would lose his job. If he would hit me back I would throw a chair in his had and would be a fight. He is the same type as you or worse…
If he does it when you are alone and you slap him he is likely to slap you back or issue some kind of threat.
HG
What would you do if someone slaps you on your face?
Depends who does it and the situation
My ex narc had a previous primary source throw a drink in his face followed by the glass at a public party. He laughed.
Hi HG Tudor,
I have a different question. What do you think when you see or read about the work and lives of other high-level narcs? At the moment Trump is of course the most prominent one and watching him and reading your books is amazing. It’s given me so much understanding, knowledge and validation of what I went through. But I keep wondering – what do you think when you see someone else like you in the public sphere? From what I read Bill Clinton, Clint Eastwood, Picasso, Byron are like you. All great men, and all greatly, greatly damaged.
Never in my life have I taken revenge on anything. And I have had many reasons to do it, but I have always let the little good girl inside of me take over and do the “right thing”: do not hate, be good, be nice. I am allowing myself now to have thoughts of revenge and somehow I feel like a part of me is growing up. It is empowering. It is feeling capable to defend myself. Am I going to take revenge ? No. I do not have what it takes to do it right and I have better things to do.
I have a couple of theories. Self education, talking to psychologists and being an empath/healer helped form them.
Could it be revenge is knowing what’s behind the mask and not hating your kind for it? Instead of validating their False self you let them know they’re actually not minions of the underground no matter how much they believe this to be true. Ignore the False self bc it is just a maze, but letting them know we see through it or all and know about the pain and shame underneath.
I also have another theory, just waiting for your next story to share. All in good time HG, all in good time. Gonna make it my goal to be a narc whisperer, LOL. I’m coming for you HG. Beware!
Bring your A game Iridessa, you will need it!
I don’t underestemate you like you do me HG. That’s why I know I am closer then you would ever admit. You’re gaslighting ways of ignoring my 1st theory are noticed. Like I would let it slide and get caught up soley in responding to your A game remark.
Come on HG, give it a try. Ignore the voice that has you believed you have sold your soul to the devil. You havent, it’s still in there. Tell your monster to shut the hell up, fracture his being for just a quick response. Trick him into looking the other way and let the shame and fear come over you. Yes, it will hurt, but it will be worth it. Worth more then your precious fuel.
You are reading too much into my light-hearted remark. I appreciate the sentiment in your second paragraph.
Anytime HG. I know you advice otherwise, but just know I believe you can!! I always will, I have no other choice. It’s what I do.
Your belief is understood and appreciated.
But you wrote the book on revenge. A good one at that – it’s so much fun.
Revenge only works when it’s cold, calculated and done while laughing. 🙂
Indeed. I wrote that book because that is the way to achieve Revenge most people get it wrong and thus that is why they never achieve it.
Hello HG! About you book Revenge( Excellent book which I have read as well)..what do you mean by ” most people get it wrong”?
They think revenge is no contact. It is not, it is certainly effective but that is not revenge, that is achieving freedom and of course wounds us but if you maintain no contact we go elsewhere. Revenge as per my book goes further. Most people embark on revenge campaigns which are ineffective because they are doing and targeting the wrong things, invariably they fuel us.
I remember your article on revenge. The term nappies made me laugh. I still wouldn’t send any.
Oh what!? Send nappies? Sounds like a laugh. 😀
I executed revenge on one ex-boyfriend of mine, who either has narc traits or is some kine of narc (too long ago to determine). However, I got 500 EUR out of it and destroyed his next relationship. Easily. I believe to this day that I did his new girlfriend a favour by this. She came by my house to drink a cup of coffee together to hear my side of the story (wise woman, and I really liked her), and she was thankful indeed.
Also got some good laughs out of my ex-lesser-narc lover. 🙂
Sadly, my ex-narc just got a little frustrated at our two last encounters in person. 🙁 Was entertaining to see him running after me in the city, though, and I almost broke his fingers by accident, when he just had to stick them through the car window. Oh, well.
Well he’s two weeks overdue with the child support so it’s working. 👏👏👏
I opt for indifference – no love and no hate. Detachment and NC.
I have stopped being angry and blaming myself for what I did not and could not see at the time. I would not have become involved if I had known – and that is the difference of why it will never happen again.
We make decisions based upon the information we have at the time. I now have awareness (thanks HG). Never again will I attach until I am certain they have passed the narc test/s, and I in turn will refrain from empath is hooked behavior.
I sought revenge and exposure towards the lessor to mid narc. He told me to do everyone a favor and kill myself. No contact other than him posting my information months later on prostitute site.
From what I have learned from HG, I knew that wouldn’t be the end. I received an email from him last night which describe my morning routine for the past few weeks. I am used to walking 3 to 4 miles early mornings he knew that I hadn’t walked. He knows I have been dropping my grandkids to school which is not something I have done in the past. Well, not on regular basis. The youngest is in the hospital so I have been helping out. Recently I thought I seen him but he lives over 4000 miles away. I’m still feeling creep out. I’m not sure if he’s seeking revenge or what he’s capable of.
Entertainment
I bet hes trying to unnerve you by either guessing, or hes spoken to someone who knows you. Be cautious but dont let it consume you. If he guesses enough hes bound to hit a few things right. It would be like if you went over his former daily routine adding in that he logged hours online searching social media sites til the early hours. and then whacked off. Youd probably hit a few right (if not all).
NarcAngel,
Thank you right on time, I was just telling myself. Yes, I talk to myself😊not to give this person any more space in my thoughts. This must expire today and yes I was consumed by it last night. Much so i broke contact, I told him his brother warned me that he was stalking, his response” we were just talking about you” Me.. really did he tell you we met for lunch. He started singing as he was listening to music in the background. The he said “goodnight queen” Every other month he travels to San Diego so he may have watch me for a day or so. I don’t speak with his brother but he’s always accused me of liking him and his father. Again, thank you 😇😊
My husband of 36 years…who to this day tells me he loves me more than anyone could ever love anyone…left me to die. Day in and day out I was left in my home…my body shutting down month after month…he went to work. Never sought medical treatment for me until I was so near death that only a miracle could save me. I was in ICU for 2 weeks and in an Acute Care Center for almost 3 months. I’m mostly bed bound due to the lasting damage. People please hear me…this is not a game. These people can do the unthinkable and then sleep like a baby. Protect yourselves first and foremost.
Why do you want to have hatred and not love? I understand to get to your level of anger is near impossible for most and sustain it. It is not what we nurture.
You create what you expect, what happened is being repeated and you are controlling it.
Do you really want the positive emotion?
I loved them, still do. I understand how your created, it is the why I search for now.
Hate and love are two sides of the same coin, the Yin Yang…. balance…..cant know or have one without the other.
If one looks everything is in balance
It is “Way”
Honestly, I don’t know what hate is.. I don’t think I’ve ever felt hatred towards anybody and anything.
Me neither, emotion detective. I can feel anger towards someone, but not hate. Revenge would cost me a lot of energy I don’t have. I prefer to go on with my life.
Just when I thought eb,was be or HG impersonator then she writes this how sweet.
A year later of no comms from me, I have moved right on .. and so glad to have done that. I love reading your posts, it just reminds me not to go down that route ever again, despite the hoovering ! He ain’t gonna win ..
Hate and anger are normal feelings. Empaths are no angels; we also can be evil. But I do not waste time for revenge. That would mean that man is still worth my time and consideration, while he is not. He means nothing to me, not anymore. The silence kills him. I blocked him on social media and what he did after few months of waiting for me to chase him back? He closed his account! He is delusional; I know he believed I would be chasing him after all of what he did. So funny and childish. He has to be in control, always. Such a sad person, but it looks I got my revenge. I wrote an article on my other blog about narcs and NC. I am sure he read it, must make him furious – not because I suggested he is a narc (mid-ranger, he will never get what he is), but it is evident my NC is permanent, and he lost his sense of control completly. I was such a fountain of fuel for him. I am gone forever, hoovers are very unlikely (no chance to contact me, I am only in sphere 6), but if they happen, I will ignore all of them.
I agree with you Bananas,
As an empath, I have awful thoughts of revenge, but never carry them through. Then I feel guilty for having such terrible thoughts.
The only person I hate is myself.
@ abrokenwing- Don’t hate yourself if you fell for a Narcs Fantasy Self. You have qualities that the Narc so desired, it attempted to make you believe its Fantasy Self. You will heal and move on-unlike a Narc, who is forever trapped in its abyss of self hatred, no self identity, its paranoid fears of abandonment and rejection, and, like HG, a high inferiority complex. You will grow and move on-form boundaries and make sure that what others say (or write) matches their actions. Give people time to prove they are worthy of knowing you. Narcs cannot keep up the act of the Fantasy Self for that long-cracks will show, and they will usually run away, for fear you are seeing through their delusions.
A1 – Thank you for your kind words … I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way .. to gain sympathy or anything like that. It’s just a fact.. it’s just the way I know I am..but thank you again.
I can’t tell you what to do. This is not your fault. He lied to you. You believed. We all did. You can begin recovery. Coming here, to this blog, you are arming yourself.
Thank you 1jaded1.
The self hate I think is a way to cover for the immense depth of sadness, unfulfilled needs, longing and love. And for never really being seen. I feel so unseen, it unbearable still. Its what drove me in the past to try and try. Please see me.
In my case it’s lack of certain qualities i desire , also not being good enough, not trying hard enough etc . I don’t need anyone anymore.
Sarabella
I see you. You are my mirror image.
The need for revenge probably depends on the wounding: how much he took, how calculated it was. I never felt hate for my narc. My revenge is NC and that is punishment enough.
But if I wanted to exact revenge, I would do it like Monte Cristo. Look at what is important to him, then rob him of it, piece by piece, in a very calm, calculated manner. Bonus points for arranging it in a way he needed to pull the proverbial trigger himself. And then sit back and watch his frenzy, demise and lastly, complete annihilation.
Well….I do hate him and it makes me feel good to say it out loud. I am not actively seeking revenge but I know I will get it. It’s just a matter of time.
Empaths can’t hate…not in our nature…not ever. We are not blinded with hatred, we are blinded by overwhelming pain. We make decisions based on our feelings deep within our heart. We will never be any match for a narcissist…ever. We do however, deep within us, have a strength that will allow us to protect ourselves from the Evil of the narc. It is the ability to ignore and be silent in any situation with said narc. We will never “win” as that should never be the objective…but it gives us a chance for survival.
thank you. i felt that described me. blinded by overwhelming pain. not o self respect, or insulting myself but blinded by the pain he caused. I wish people would stop talking about winning against narxs as that is not what needs to happen. thats playing by tbeir rules and that alone is a failure. win? win what? gain power back is all we need to learn to do. that is success, that is a ‘win’. it was never my objective to win with him but darn he turned it into a win/lose.
When you as a normal human, take stock of the relationship with a Narc, you will see that you have already had revenge on the Narc. Did you question the Narc about its lies? Were you critical of something it did or said? Or were you simply a nice person to the Narc? You were actually triggering the Narcs ultimate paranoid fears-abandonment and rejection. You were breaking the Narcs formed Fantasy Self.
A Narc hopes that you hate it, or want revenge , because any attention (HG calls this Fuel ) to the Narc, is better than none at all. Although the Narc may think it has ‘broken you down to below it’ this is the Fantasy Self responding. The reality is that the Narc is fully aware that a normal human has the ability to recover and reform, whereas it knows it cannot ever achieve this.
The worst revenge you can ever have on a Narc, is no contact at all. No contact confirms to the Narc, that you have made its ultimate fears of rejection and abandonment, a reality. It may now never again be able to attempt to Morph any of your traits, characteristics or abilities. You have confirmed for the Narc, that there are valid reasons to hate itself. You have forced the Narc to lose control of the Fantasy Self.
In its attempts to recreate its Fantasy Self, it will again repeat the endless cycle with normal humans. Every time, however, the cycle of rejection and abandonment is repeated within itself. Its self hatred is so great, that it actually destroys all good it has done- a continual cycle or revenge against its own self.
Thank you. I asked him how many people he has gone through since ‘me’. Rage counter attack. I feel he really is ruled by the fears you decribed. I thought it was mostly my fears but I saw eventually that his were greater than mine
@ Sarabella- The rage comes from the Narc knowing their truth-they can never be normal, and will always be co-dependents, seeking out Anchors and Controllers to get by in life.
Anchors and controllers, Al?
I like your answer Al…may I ask: what kind of experience do you have in this matter? Are you a psychologist?
Thank you 😀
@ Sarabella- An Anchor is a person that a Narc needs, to stabilize it, control it, as all Narcs are co-dependent’s. This person has qualities the Narc lacks or wishes it has. HG calls Anchors “appliances or fuel” in his attempt to degrade the continual need for an Anchor.
A Controller is a person that the Narc sees as having qualities that are always unobtainable to the Narc, but stable in that person. It may be a person/s of religion, someone who has obtained financial, emotional or other qualities, that, directly or indirectly, control a Narc. A Controller may be a mother or father type figure, someone that the Narc ‘looks up to’ and will always go back to, in its times of instability. For example, a Narc looses its girlfriend of the time, it will contact one of its Controllers, as a means of obtaining some form of guidance or normality. Controllers are usually the only people that are in some way, permanent in the Narcs life-for example a family member, church person, someone who has achieved what the Narc has been unable to. In HGs case, his father seems to have been a Primary Controller.
.
Hello Al…very good description of the process…Can you expand a little bit more about your experience in this matter? Thanks😀😀
I’ve seen this
I’ve never seen any one call them an “it”. But seeing as they aren’t human I think “it” fits.
Jojometoo
😂😂😂😂 Very Bad…they are human species…minus benevolence.
All I know is (it) damn near killed me
Jojo,
It didn’t kill you, but in time you will realize you are much stronger. But, you will never look at life or people quite the same. It even affected me different with the intimate partner vs family member with the disorders. Strange, I distant my self from the family and felt nothing completely different with ip they are leeches that try to suck your soul away. Literally..
Fuel is not equal to attention. This is the concept that is central to our understanding of the driving force behind all narcissist actions. It’s a basic need for their survival, one that doesn’t exist among our basic needs.
It’s not attention at all. Cold attention may actually ignite their fury.
The way I understand fuel is it is our emotion that they crave, and will never attain. Somehow they get a feel of it thru mirroring while it occurs, and it satisfies them.
Correct me if I’m wrong, mr Tudor.
It is emotional attention as this shows we affect you.
It affects us if we let it. Compared to the primal emotions, the higher spectrum or positive emotions aren’t as strong, and they can be easily turned off by us. Sometimes they don’t show up, due to injury, or a significant loss, sometimes they come back flooding in, but they soon pass. A good night’s sleep always washes the emotional storm effects away by processing them during sleep. It manifests as dreams.
As I get older I notice that almost every nights sleep washes everything away, and in the morning I feel like this is the first day of my life. Then slowly memories of yesterday come in, but not the days before yesterday. Whereas when I was very young, all memories were present all at once, all the time.
Anyway, is that it though? In your piece titled ‘You fill up my senses’, it’s much more than just the knowledge that something you did or said merely affects us. You WANT our emotions that you lack.
Good post. Since I’m new around here, I was wondering if it’s normal/not unusual for a sociopath/narc to continue lying straight to your face, even when there’s no longer any reason to, and you know the truth anyway? I have so many questions for my narc “boyfriend” but I honestly don’t see the point as I wonder if he’s even capable of answering truth fully. In fact, last night he enjoyed me saying that he was confusing and a conundrum (read:liar). He smiled slyly and said “good, I’ve achieved my aim”.
@ Laila to answer your question-why do Psycho-Narcs continually lie- research indicates they have less grey matter in their brains, and or under-developed-damaged areas to their pre-frontal cortex regions of their brains. In short, you are dealing with the intellectual/cognitively challenged. Think of your ‘boyfriend’ as being someone with a mental capacity of aged around 3-7 years old, with a vivid imagination, as that seems to be the ages the intellectual-cognitive challenges of Psycho-Socio-Narcs are stunted from further development.
Projected on another
Not into another
Revenge is but another means of ones pain projected into another.
Anger turns to hatred.
In turn changes a person
I dont hate him.
I told him I did once but it wasnt true deep down.
I hated the situation.
I honestly dont hate him.
Its been one hell of a mindfuck.
I ended it..on this last attempt behaved in a neutral way..as taught by HG.
At first that was hard but when I learned and saw and continue to see, that being neutral has more impact than hate…well, it became my weapon of choice.
And honestly, seeing the fuel crisis proves neutrality works.
His reactions to my non reaction is very satisfying now.
I couldnt care less.
Its all a waste of what could have been, I was so, so sad and terribly miserable for an age it seems but…looking at it now, and how it was all an illusion, I accept I am missing nothing.
Yesterday, suddenly, I felt and feel nothing.
Its been a long, horrible and painful journey.
Yes I had ended it but if it wasnt for HG, and this site, the death throes would have rattled on and the hoovering would not have been countered as effectively.
Supernova mode.
I mean seriously?
Enough is enough.
“Heartless” he calls me now.
Oh I have a heart..a big one.. it isn’t his anymore.
Checkmate.
I felt angry, and I explained why I was angry and sad. It was it.
I never took revenge before, and I won’t do it now because I won’t change who I am. I know, there are many girls that are like me.
So, you are wrong!
This cannot be applied to everyone. I don’t hate him at all. He knows that …. I mean, I don’t care about him anymore , but I don’t hate him.
The first text you wrote that I don’t really agree.
Well I failed at the no revenge thing. Told his mother, other girl friend, and contacted an ex of his. What did I learn?
It’s only temporary satisfaction and although many would regret it, I do not nor do I care about my image as we had no mutual friends and it never got that serious. Never feel bad or embarrassed about how you react to abuse, it’s not an everyday state of being to be in, but if you do seek revenge, learn from it.
From experience, go silent, but if you just can’t resist the urge, make sure you have a solid group of friends and family that you can rely on. If they took those people away from you, then smearing them will leave you feeling lonelier as you’ll have no one to listen to your reasoning behind your vengeful actions.
Well, I do hate my most recent Narc because not enough time has past yet, but that will eventually change. The one from a decade ago I truly feel nothing for. A tiny blip on the screen of my life which I’ve since wiped away. Yes, I do hate the recent Narc but thank god I’ve done my homework enough this time to know not to express any of it to her. Not to express anything at all to her anymore actually. Shining a full blast of my light and attention on another in her presence and staring right thru her as I pass by feels simply delightful. I have learned a thing or two from you demons, thanks for that.
I never hated him. I acted out of my deep, deep burt, true. Was extremely angry. But I never learned to actually hate him. I actually last talked to him about finding a way to end this in loving kindness.
I was far to hurt to go silent. I am going to start over again though with my silence. If there is one thing I learned, its that if its true, it doesn’t matter how I failed at NC, how many ‘this is it’! he threatened me with, its never too late to go silent. So no matter what the mistakes, silence is always an option. Correct? It may truly have no effect on us anymore, but for those that feel they blew it, its not too late…. really.
Sara Ella
Absolutely! Every day is a new day. Just bc we realize NC would be the best thing doesn’t mean we’re really ready for it today. I personally believe we have to truly believe that it is the best thing, that there are no better options we may be missing. We’re not all there yet. Knowing something intellectually is not the same as knowing it instinctively. When we truly get there, we have no desire to contact them. Don’t stress bc that day hasn’t come yet – it will. Just live one day at a time.
Sarabella! This spell check drives me crazy – er!!
I am really restraining myself right now. I am geographically relatively very close to him right now and its hard. But you know what, this time, I think it really is “Goodbye”. The many good byes he screamed at me and I at him. Its time to just take my deep wounds and disappear even though every step of doing so breaks my heart. No one ever will ever understand and it is time I accepted it.
I am thinking of something. I know of someone he just ‘lost’ again. Another. I am able to read between the lines of all her posts to know that despite a pathetic 34 years difference between she and he, and them pretending to just be ‘friends’, he called her his little sis and she claimed just friendship, that she regards him as an ex. And her IG is full of pretending to be over him, pretending to not care, mocking the size of his tiny penis, telling him via her posts that she is fine and happy, but at least I did not do that. I unfriended him from FB when he was devaluing me. He and she are still FB friends but I am guessing they just don’t follow each other anymore because they both unfriended each other from IG (there is no unfollow but stay friends option).. I did not go through a very public indirect messages targeted to him phase. I just dealt with him and poured myself in to it. So even though I still struggle with coming to terms with the narcissism, I did all I could with him. I don’t need any public displays about how I don’t care or didn’t care or don’t need him. I would be lying. I did care and need him. Its so obvious to read her posts that don’t make her look stronger. I can’t help but think when I do have months behind me again of NC, my silence and lack of public protest has to affect him more. I used to think he never thought of me. But once after a long 6 months of silence, we recontacted and it was then I found he had been talking about me to someone as he referenced something he had shared with someone, and I think it was to her. So in my absence, I was sure I was forgotten. So. Though he will never hoover, I am thinking that he has to think of me. And if it never to late for silence, after the vitriole he spewed at me, he will feel it more than if he could go to an IG page and read any of my pathetic attempts to act over the experience.
So, my point is, I am coming to terms that there are no options for any kind of a relationship. So coming to terms with that, leads one to not have to make such a show of moving on. It just is. I know I am not 100% there, but I think I am there with no longer attempting to contact him. And, my timing is good. He just took a gamble on something and I think it back fired big time. So he lost alot of money. Has no primary supple, I am sure no one giving him the depth of negative fuel I gave him, so what better time to agree with him that there was nothing between us and agree with his bye? If he did lose that business gamble, he is really going to go through hell and its a good time to stay far from his line of sight. I am sure he would love someone like me as a punching bag about right now. Instead, he is left taking political pot shots at people. Directing his superiority towards that kind of a safe venting, easy fury/rage attack.
I have no more options left in me. He beat me up too much emotionally and psychologically. I think I will just quietly watch him from far and be silent as I need to for my much belated sense of revenge. Taken very late, but if what I think is going on is in fact happening, then I think he will feel me gone. It won’t be too late though I will never know if it did have an effect, I can only guess.
I ran out of options. Yes. He ran my heart in to the ground. He directed this destruction. As he posted last night, he is insolent and vain. No, he is a narc. Almost self-aware enough to be a Greater.
I hope it can now be a new day. I am 4 days of no contact and think it will just keep growing. Its a move taken too late, but I think my timing is good if he just hit a bottom. Maybe sometimes, it is also about our timing. It was hard to go NC when he was having a great time. But I can only hope his business venture did fail as he will take a huge ego hit. He paraded pretend supply online, and now they all dried up and he may be in a big failure and so I can only hope my timing is good now. New day.
I think we do get our revenge. You are just too dead to feel it. Instead you have converted the experience of it into fuel gathering to address the revenge.
My revenge is my silence
I have almost sent him anonymous dog shit; adult diapers, a penis enlarger for micro dicks…you name it I’ve tried to think of it. Every time I come up with a way to get revenge I read another one of your books or come back to your blog and realize over again that there is no revenge to be had. Silence is all I’ve got. Never speaking or responding to him again. It’s a small thing but even the slightest show of love, hate, tone of voice, number of rings it might take to answer his call, how long it takes me to respond to a text will give him fuel. I am no match for his sinister scheming and planning. Silence is the only real revenge I have. Thank you HG for continually redirecting me back to what is true.
@claudinelonger I litreally lol wonderful response 🙂
They say no contact and living well is the best form or revenge, whether dealing with a Narc or not…
I do HATE the spell check here!! My post should read “OF REVENGE” (not OR) Ugh, I HATE typos!
Typos happen to all of us. No need to correct. The message still gets across loud and clear. Love that nail color.
I am a perfectionist and OCD, cant help myself ⛓⛓
Silence and living your life to the full xxx
People who engage in these behaviors are asses (IMHO), and “those sensational eyes” (yep, mine!) have seen more then enough.
Am not seeking revenge, seeking and obtaining understanding and detachment.
I never took revenge on mine. To do so would be a waste of time. I did take back my Frank Sinatra cd while he was out (i paid for it and i don’t think he really liked it anyway). I also took a sweater. Those were the two possessions I cared about.
So sorry..😢
Thank you. I purchased things for his house and although some were very nice, those were the things I “needed” to take..a cd and a sweater. Strange.
Hi Jaded!
Was it your sweater?
Yes.
I have thoughts of revenge for child abusers…particularly childhood sexual abusers.
1Jaded1
I relish the thought of exacting revenge on that garbage for every child affected. Give me that needle or switch and let me smile while I watch him fear the unknown and then soil himself. Just that thought fills me with energy. Now I’ll be up all night like you. Put the kettle on and I’ll be over.
It really is just so very twisted. No wonder we despair.
Laughed out loud at “Huddled around your cauldron” and
“Ham fisted execution”.
N.A fun fact:
I hate using lol but find it necessary due to some peoples inability to read me. IRL I have such resting bitch face that I have actually had to say lol to a person standing there speechless and staring at me after I have made a comment.
I have actually laughed out loud several times since joining this cult….er….blog though (once I actually scared the dog). Youre making me soft Tudor.
Nah .. Never . I will never exact what you deserve, I’m not angry I do not hate & I will not damage anything of yours . You do not exist & never have , Stay where you are in Mommy dearest’ arms the arms that abandoned you as a child when your Dad died & then your Grandpa, she is hate & she despises your existence now more than then ,you feed off each other ,you are deserving of the other. I am healing , my strength, courage & will to live has re surfaced , you have no control over my thoughts , hopes or dreams ,my body nor my love , the love I poured out to you is now poured inward to the one & only deserving of such “myself” . Hate you ? Never ! You do not exist & you never will.
What we were once attracted to We are now repulsed by. It’s a projection of self repulsion. How could we have been so blinded?
Naivety is gradually replaced by wisdom – that’s the sweet reward for a life well lived.
Advice for younger subs? Prepare well and play well. Learn the lessons. Tweak your path. Exit at the first twinge of knowing that you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it or cure it. Practice saying no. Practice blocking. Practice unblocking. Practice recording. Ask for reality checks as often as needed. If you feel yourself falling, look for a wisdom teacher. But also enjoy the theme park. A scary ride is after all just a ride. It has a beginning, a middle and end.
Go to busy places and become an observer. You’ve learned so much from this site. Now go out and play.
Exactly, easier to sit back and watch karma (maybe with a nudge or two here and there) do her work. I am past the anger, finally. I am 2 days shy of 2 months no contact. I haven’t been in his physical proximity in 3 months. He is losing his power over me rapidly now. I feel nothing if I see a pic of him or hear about him. I no longer am fearful of running in to him in public. He will get the ice princess treatment that I am famous for should that happen. I have finally gone back to work and am getting my life back together. I nearly lost everything but still have a chance to save my house and I don’t have the energy to expend on worrying about who or what he is doing anymore. He is leaving me alone, that is what counts. 😀
The Narc never had any power over you in the first place. Narcs are attracted to people they see as being better than themselves-that is more powerful. You did, and still have all the power over that Narc . All Narcs have inferiority complexes, with the delusions of grandeur-the created Fantasy Self.
It’s good to here you are back on track to rebuilding your life. Glad you were able to save your house and return back to work. Those things alone will empower you to move forward and remember what you almost lost.
No hatred and no revenge for me.
None for me either. I can see how flawed they are – who they really are with all their insecurities. I only feel very, very sorry for the ones who shoot themselves in the foot by driving away the people who love them.
He drove me away for all this fuel who will never have HIS back or love him. He makes grand gestures for them, social media, but hell he is still aingle and still alone. He drove me away and he may have a chance to do something that is his dream. I could have financially helped him, really wanted him to suceedd and I cant do a thing. I wasn’t worth it for all the fuel he was getting elsewhere. And most are gone now. He drove me away and drove our friendship right into the ground.
Hi Windstorm!
I do find it all sad. I loved my ex and what could have been went out the window. It’s her loss.
My ex has a million problems and I don’t think she will overcome them. She is too flawed like you say. She was full of insecurities. The world saw a whole different person.
Hi Snow! Same here….Other than no contact (best revenge) and my leaving my ever presence at his place before I left on purpose to deepen the wound, no revenge here either 😈
Hey Indy!
Hope all is well.
There are a few days that pop up that I’m mad at her for changing my life forever. Things keep getting further and further away from how my life used to be. When I look back at everything I still can’t believe how it ended. It came right off the pages of a reality tv show.
It makes makes me sad to think of how she will have to continue to search for victims so that she will be able to function in this world.
My daughter was a pedestrian at college and got hit by a drunk driver a few weeks ago and she has similar C-PTSD experiences like I do. She saw mine in action firsthand. She has a lot of anger towards the girl that hit her and while I do understand that’s not my nature. She got that from my husband.
She was home this week and we had lots of conversations about forgiveness and not carrying the anger around.
I immediately forgave my ex and never once thought of hating her.
Thanks HG for expanding on peoples’ perspectives. Even though it hurt me I still think of it as a strength. I can easily put myself in someone else’s shoes.
Little things pop up in my mind about revenge but I don’t want in her 6th sphere so I just think about them. Lol
And I’ve picked up bodybuilding so if she ever sees me I will look even better than I did before and that will be my secret revenge.
Sending you hugs❤️🍎❤️
Hi Snow,
I’m so sorry about your daughter being hit and so glad she’s alive. I had PTSD when I was hit in a 4 car pile up and didn’t drive for a year. A couple of things helps, exposure therapy and some say EMDR helps with the flashbacks and defragmenter memory. I had a friend do EMDR and swears by it. I did exposure therapy and it helped me drive again though I still get occasional flashes. I used to have lots of car accident nightmares too, those are gone but took a long time to reprocess the memory. I hope she heals from that part of the pain. Her anger is completely normal. I wasn’t as angry at the driver that hit me as much as terrified of driving again though each person responds in their own way.
Pumping iron, you go girl!!! Yes, living healthy and fully and looking good to boot, the best revenge ❤️️😊🍎❤️
Yeah I paid hard by being Hoovered badly by messing with my exs 6th sphere. That was on me. It was inspired by the exorcist books concept of ever presence and my processing my anger by leaving my stuff at his house to hurt him, but I paid for it by the 300 texts and phone calls that one week in august. Silly me. Lol now, just enjoying no contact and my dairy and gluten free and narc-reduced life(have to still read HG, so not totally narc free 😊.
Hello Indy,
Thanks for all your kind words. I took a screenshot of your advice about the therapy and sent it to her. She has a long road ahead of her. No broken bones or major injuries but enough damage for a lot of doctor appointments. And I can relate to all the mental pain.
She carries around the anger that she has for me. She hates my ex and what she did to me. I have zero problem with admitting or discussing anything in therapy but I know it’s not the same for others. She does not want to go to a therapist at all. Hopefully in time she will decide for herself that it will benefit her.
We are all learning from a great teacher 😉😉😉Lol
I remember your posts from August and it’s a shame that he had to torture you and kitty the way he did. At least we are still moving in the right direction. Yay for us!!!!
I know some people thought that our conversations about the diet and brownies was silly but when others starting sharing their experiences on here it really had me thinking. Immediately after me relationship ended I couldn’t eat the same foods. I thought I was lactose intolerant and then I thought about the gluten. I just told my daughter about the whole post and almost a year later I still can’t eat the same way I used to. Maybe it’s for someone to research. Lol
Every single part of me has changed from my relationship with a narcissist.
Still am amazed everyday from what I read on here.
Glad you are enjoying life😊
See HG, you do a lot of good by having this blog. I don’t know where I would be without it. Thanks ❤️
Hatred no, dislike of certain behaviors and things definitely, no hatred thou. No desire for revenge.
Hi Twilight!!!
I like what you added to your name.
I read HG’s Revenge book and I found it very interesting to see how you could knock their pillars down and wound them but that’s not my nature.
What my ex did was on purpose and I won’t set out to hurt someone on purpose.
Many things I dislike just like you state.
Good Day Snow White!
How are you doing? I am glad to hear your daughter is ok. How is she doing? Accidents are an awful thing to endure and recovery can be tough.
Thank you 😊! I read the book to, a little to late. when my daughter died I became extremely angry in my grief and I did something that after I calmed down, I regretted doing. I wasn’t born to hurt people but to help heal them. I will never give myself an excuse for what I did, I am learning to forgive myself as I forgave him. I don’t dwell on it, I have my moments thou. I am very grateful for all that HG has done, it helps in many ways yet kills me in many more. 😕
Growth was never meant to be easy and painless thou.
Good evening Twilight!!!
I am doing ok. Thanks for asking😀
My daughter is just starting PT and massotherapy. She is just at the beginning of many specialty appointments that she has to go to but the good news is she is alive and breathing. Silver lining.
I am very sorry about your daughter. That is something unimaginable for anyone who hasn’t gone through what you have. You had every right to be full of grief and to express any other emotion that you wanted to.
It’s those moments that you talk about that creep up on you and make you think. It’s hard to forgive yourself when we can forgive others easily. I hurt many people with my actions but none of them were on purpose. Some days I just can’t think about it. I like to think about how HG lives. He’s always saying onwards and upwards and that’s what I am trying to do between the hurt and healing.
I am sending you many hugs. You deserve them.❤️🍎❤️🍎
Thank you Snow White, I hope your daughter has a quick recovery. PT is not fun at times, yet very beneficial.
She does have a mother thou with a heart of gold to be there and support her!
Hugs 🤗
And here you had me believing that you really did know it all ; ) How could I possibly hate someone who gave me a fairy-tale? No, I don’t hate him. Was I at odds with myself when the lights can on; indeed I was. But hate him….no. Hating him would limit me. And I will not be limited. Slowed down for sure, but not limited.
HA! And this is where I get the last laugh. I knew he wanted me to hate him and get angry, call him, text him, beg and plead,curse him… But I didnt. I sent him an e-mail to let him know hate will never be a word in my dictonary. That I see him dzsperatly wanting to be loved but can never reach it. That instead of causing me to hate he did the opposite and that I know now more then ever how capable I am of loving. Hij response 3 weeks later: you’re such a sad person.
I ignored that, if you need 3 weeks to come up with that, you are not even worthy to play on my level.
But I get your point, and I guess in most cases you get want you want. But like I said before HG, you underestemate the power of the empath. Don’t!!